00:00:20.241 --> 00:00:22.741
We work in the highest level
prison in the state of Alabama.

00:00:28.400 --> 00:00:31.380
We house all types.

00:00:31.380 --> 00:00:33.904
From six months all the
way up to death row,

00:00:33.904 --> 00:00:34.820
we have them all here.

00:00:45.030 --> 00:00:48.040
The violence here,
I don't really

00:00:48.040 --> 00:00:52.247
know how to explain
it, other than,

00:00:52.247 --> 00:00:53.330
this is a breeding ground.

00:00:56.560 --> 00:00:58.480
Donaldson's a pretty
dangerous place.

00:01:01.420 --> 00:01:05.000
The chance of somebody
being stabbed or killed

00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:08.220
is pretty much a common
occurrence, as it were.

00:01:16.590 --> 00:01:18.670
There we were in Alabama.

00:01:18.670 --> 00:01:21.660
A very strong, Christian
part of the country,

00:01:21.660 --> 00:01:26.770
in one of the United States'
worst prisons, and we

00:01:26.770 --> 00:01:28.810
were teaching the
teachings of the Buddha.

00:01:45.610 --> 00:01:50.014
No one is telling them what
to look at or how to change.

00:01:50.014 --> 00:01:52.055
They're gaining their
insights within themselves.

00:02:01.030 --> 00:02:02.900
Life without parole
doesn't mean that you're

00:02:02.900 --> 00:02:06.761
to be punished, or
worked, or any of that.

00:02:10.449 --> 00:02:12.880
It means, you're to be
warehoused until you die.

00:02:21.810 --> 00:02:23.330
This is my home,
and I'm going to do

00:02:23.330 --> 00:02:26.227
what I can to help make
the best place it can be.

00:02:30.800 --> 00:02:32.500
I want a nice
place to live, too.

00:02:55.850 --> 00:02:57.650
The best way to
describe a prison

00:02:57.650 --> 00:02:59.360
is to think of it
as a small city.

00:03:05.105 --> 00:03:07.437
Your correctional officers
are your police force.

00:03:07.437 --> 00:03:08.020
I'm the mayor.

00:03:19.074 --> 00:03:20.490
Just like you have
people that are

00:03:20.490 --> 00:03:23.240
of great influence
on the street,

00:03:23.240 --> 00:03:25.239
you have inmates of
here of great influence

00:03:25.239 --> 00:03:26.030
with other inmates.

00:03:29.460 --> 00:03:33.127
You have organized crime
inside of a prison, that

00:03:33.127 --> 00:03:36.683
are controlling illicit
activities from prostituting

00:03:36.683 --> 00:03:42.110
inmates, to drugs, to gambling.

00:03:42.110 --> 00:03:45.050
And that's a constant battle
for us to keep under control.

00:03:57.930 --> 00:04:01.680
What you got out
here is 500 inmates.

00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:05.490
Four dormitories this
way with 110 per dorm,

00:04:05.490 --> 00:04:07.280
and B dorm with 116 down here.

00:04:10.510 --> 00:04:11.350
That's tower four.

00:04:11.350 --> 00:04:13.980
That's the sally port, where
any vehicles come in and out

00:04:13.980 --> 00:04:16.725
of the institution.

00:04:16.725 --> 00:04:17.600
All towers are armed.

00:04:22.290 --> 00:04:25.460
I have segregation, so I
put them under investigation

00:04:25.460 --> 00:04:27.550
or detention and lock them up.

00:04:27.550 --> 00:04:30.500
That's basically
the premise of it.

00:04:30.500 --> 00:04:32.266
6 block, front door.

00:04:38.460 --> 00:04:41.001
We have a lot coming
and a lot going.

00:04:41.001 --> 00:04:42.250
Too many of them do come back.

00:04:44.816 --> 00:04:46.940
9 times out of 10, they
fall in to their old habits

00:04:46.940 --> 00:04:48.555
when they get back
to their hometown,

00:04:48.555 --> 00:04:50.430
and they run with the
same folks who got them

00:04:50.430 --> 00:04:51.388
in here the first time.

00:04:54.144 --> 00:04:56.560
I can pretty much tell whether
or not they're coming back.

00:05:02.857 --> 00:05:04.690
The majority of my time
I've been in prison,

00:05:04.690 --> 00:05:05.785
I've been in segregation.

00:05:09.219 --> 00:05:10.760
I always looked at
the officers like,

00:05:10.760 --> 00:05:15.800
you know, they're my enemies,
or I had this big image of them.

00:05:15.800 --> 00:05:18.174
I felt like I had
to have this image

00:05:18.174 --> 00:05:19.465
to survive in this environment.

00:05:23.808 --> 00:05:26.314
All I thought I wanted
was just another chance

00:05:26.314 --> 00:05:27.480
to go back and go to school.

00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:31.220
Another chance at life.

00:05:35.597 --> 00:05:37.430
You know, I wouldn't
have achieved anything.

00:05:37.430 --> 00:05:39.710
It would've been like, back
on the same path again.

00:05:50.150 --> 00:05:53.180
My son, Edward Curby
Johnson, he was

00:05:53.180 --> 00:05:56.750
in his third year
of Miles College,

00:05:56.750 --> 00:06:00.670
3.0 grade average,
playing baseball.

00:06:00.670 --> 00:06:03.574
The scouts was looking
at him for pro.

00:06:06.690 --> 00:06:12.860
He had just made a decision
to turn his life around.

00:06:12.860 --> 00:06:15.390
But sometimes, your
first impression

00:06:15.390 --> 00:06:18.200
will always be your
last impression,

00:06:18.200 --> 00:06:20.192
even when you try to change.

00:06:20.192 --> 00:06:21.650
Sometimes others
do not understand.

00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:29.860
June the 2nd, 1991.

00:06:29.860 --> 00:06:32.816
If my behind had
been at home, then I

00:06:32.816 --> 00:06:34.690
wouldn't have to worry
about being in prison.

00:06:34.690 --> 00:06:37.440
I take responsibility
for my actions now.

00:06:37.440 --> 00:06:39.100
I didn't do that at first.

00:06:39.100 --> 00:06:40.220
I was like, man.

00:06:40.220 --> 00:06:42.136
These folks throw me in
prison like this here.

00:06:42.136 --> 00:06:43.760
For the rest of my
life, for nothing?

00:06:43.760 --> 00:06:45.220
Had to be for something.

00:06:45.220 --> 00:06:47.660
Edward, you did something.

00:06:47.660 --> 00:06:49.570
Accept what you've
done, and let's move on.

00:06:53.804 --> 00:06:56.732
[SIREN WAILING]

00:07:06.020 --> 00:07:11.430
Guys had come to one
of the spots I had,

00:07:11.430 --> 00:07:13.750
and there was just
a big shoot out.

00:07:18.210 --> 00:07:20.673
One was dropped in the
middle of the sidewalk.

00:07:20.673 --> 00:07:25.100
For my understanding, one fell
near the building, and one

00:07:25.100 --> 00:07:27.300
across Third Avenue.

00:07:33.800 --> 00:07:42.000
I haven't been on this street
but once since this happened.

00:07:42.000 --> 00:07:45.010
This will make my second
time on this street.

00:07:47.980 --> 00:07:50.935
I try not to travel this street.

00:07:50.935 --> 00:07:53.360
I have no reason to.

00:07:53.360 --> 00:07:55.300
What's up, y'all?

00:07:55.300 --> 00:07:56.376
Did y'all win?

00:07:56.376 --> 00:07:57.090
Lost by one.

00:07:57.090 --> 00:07:57.840
Y'all lost by one?

00:07:57.840 --> 00:07:59.236
What about you, [? Hayden? ?]

00:07:59.236 --> 00:08:00.052
We play on the same team.

00:08:00.052 --> 00:08:01.593
Oh, y'all on the
same team this year.

00:08:01.593 --> 00:08:03.630
Oh, you done moved up
to the big dog house.

00:08:03.630 --> 00:08:05.005
Oh, it hit me hard
to find out Ed

00:08:05.005 --> 00:08:06.630
went through what he
was going through.

00:08:06.630 --> 00:08:08.830
But he wasn't really the
one going through anything.

00:08:08.830 --> 00:08:11.230
It was us, and I
didn't realise it.

00:08:13.850 --> 00:08:17.326
I cry little bit, but
I don't cry a bunch.

00:08:17.326 --> 00:08:18.450
See how I got in your head.

00:08:18.450 --> 00:08:19.300
Go ahead of.

00:08:19.300 --> 00:08:22.292
Sometimes, you just
hate that he's in there.

00:08:22.292 --> 00:08:24.310
I wish he could just come home.

00:08:27.789 --> 00:08:35.244
[SHOUTING]

00:08:38.230 --> 00:08:40.980
As a psychologist
at Donaldson, I

00:08:40.980 --> 00:08:42.409
realized treatment
was essential.

00:08:45.980 --> 00:08:53.960
I started looking around, and
I came across a prison in India

00:08:53.960 --> 00:08:57.310
that was using a meditative
technique known as Vipassana.

00:09:01.740 --> 00:09:05.110
Vipassana is an intense program.

00:09:05.110 --> 00:09:10.750
The inmate has to go
through it 24 hours a day,

00:09:10.750 --> 00:09:15.130
meditating for hours on end,
for a 10-day period of time.

00:09:18.730 --> 00:09:22.510
That particular program seemed
to have a calming effect

00:09:22.510 --> 00:09:23.536
on that population.

00:09:26.210 --> 00:09:30.500
So I was thinking, perhaps
we could take that program

00:09:30.500 --> 00:09:33.190
and transplant it
into Donaldson,

00:09:33.190 --> 00:09:35.600
and run it as a regular program.

00:09:40.270 --> 00:09:44.035
When people say, you're
the first prison in America

00:09:44.035 --> 00:09:49.479
to actually do this
program, it just sort of

00:09:49.479 --> 00:09:50.312
is incomprehensible.

00:09:53.800 --> 00:10:01.440
I've heard "Vi-pass-eh-na,"
"Vi-pee-see-na."

00:10:01.440 --> 00:10:04.939
My main supervisor was
telling me, he's like, Big E,

00:10:04.939 --> 00:10:05.980
how do you say that word?

00:10:05.980 --> 00:10:09.450
Is it "Vi-pray-se-na?"

00:10:09.450 --> 00:10:16.790
I said, no, it's "Vi-poss-en-a."

00:10:16.790 --> 00:10:18.920
The questions about
what the program was

00:10:18.920 --> 00:10:20.040
were somewhat simple.

00:10:20.040 --> 00:10:24.220
It's, what benefit was
it going to have for us.

00:10:24.220 --> 00:10:26.640
How does anybody
do it for 10 days

00:10:26.640 --> 00:10:28.185
without being able to talk?

00:10:31.190 --> 00:10:34.970
No telephones, no
TV, nothing to read.

00:10:34.970 --> 00:10:37.770
And that just seemed like an
incredible task to overcome.

00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:44.600
I need to sit the program so
I'll have a better idea of what

00:10:44.600 --> 00:10:46.060
it's about, but I'll
be honest with you,

00:10:46.060 --> 00:10:47.101
it's rather intimidating.

00:10:52.510 --> 00:10:54.850
While I was here as
the psychologist,

00:10:54.850 --> 00:10:57.740
we had a House of
Healing program

00:10:57.740 --> 00:11:00.830
which highlighted doing
meditation as part

00:11:00.830 --> 00:11:02.360
of our relaxation techniques.

00:11:07.004 --> 00:11:09.670
It turned out that
the inmates are

00:11:09.670 --> 00:11:12.465
very receptive to
meditative practices.

00:11:16.140 --> 00:11:19.490
Vipassana really takes
it one step further,

00:11:19.490 --> 00:11:23.340
and that goes to
the sensation level,

00:11:23.340 --> 00:11:26.990
to where it puts you
literally in touch

00:11:26.990 --> 00:11:32.840
with your bodily sensations,
to realize these sensations are

00:11:32.840 --> 00:11:34.025
driving your behavior.

00:11:36.980 --> 00:11:41.940
My name is Benjamin
Betaguy [INAUDIBLE] Oryang.

00:11:41.940 --> 00:11:44.830
Everybody calls me OB.

00:11:44.830 --> 00:11:48.460
I'm the one who helps facilitate
the House of Healing class,

00:11:48.460 --> 00:11:53.130
and almost all the other
mental health workshops here.

00:11:53.130 --> 00:11:56.024
Generally speaking, these are
things which will pick up.

00:11:56.024 --> 00:11:57.690
These are things which
take the course--

00:11:57.690 --> 00:11:59.680
I want to help people.

00:11:59.680 --> 00:12:03.260
That's one thing I want
to do is to help people.

00:12:03.260 --> 00:12:05.850
Different experiences with
our families, with our peers,

00:12:05.850 --> 00:12:06.790
in school.

00:12:06.790 --> 00:12:10.590
The work which is done
through all these courses, all

00:12:10.590 --> 00:12:14.222
the classes and whatnot,
including the Vipassana class,

00:12:14.222 --> 00:12:18.180
is something that should be
used for personal development,

00:12:18.180 --> 00:12:23.020
personal growth, irrespective
of whether someone is free

00:12:23.020 --> 00:12:25.250
or whether someone
is incarcerated.

00:12:25.250 --> 00:12:28.219
I think such work
should be done if one

00:12:28.219 --> 00:12:29.260
wants to grow personally.

00:12:34.699 --> 00:12:36.570
I've been locked up 16 years.

00:12:36.570 --> 00:12:39.400
8 and 1/2 years on death row
in that five by eight cell,

00:12:39.400 --> 00:12:43.710
and every morning, I'd have to
get up and live with the fact

00:12:43.710 --> 00:12:46.790
that I have isolated
myself from everybody

00:12:46.790 --> 00:12:50.450
that I loved, isolated
everybody I love from me,

00:12:50.450 --> 00:12:54.040
and pretty much
wrecked their lives.

00:12:54.040 --> 00:12:55.110
I had small children.

00:12:55.110 --> 00:12:56.651
They had to grow up
in this community

00:12:56.651 --> 00:13:00.360
where their father has
done this horrific act.

00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:02.100
They had to go to
school with kids

00:13:02.100 --> 00:13:06.280
that-- your father
is a murderer.

00:13:06.280 --> 00:13:10.800
I thought I had a real good
life going, and I blew it.

00:13:22.171 --> 00:13:23.670
My mother took us
out in the country

00:13:23.670 --> 00:13:25.045
to this old,
deserted farm house.

00:13:28.920 --> 00:13:30.550
She didn't know what to do.

00:13:30.550 --> 00:13:32.170
She didn't think
she could raise us.

00:13:36.890 --> 00:13:39.930
She got us out of the car,
set us on the front steps,

00:13:39.930 --> 00:13:43.180
and she told me, I
want y'all to be good.

00:13:43.180 --> 00:13:43.960
I love you all.

00:13:43.960 --> 00:13:47.586
I'll be back in a little while.

00:13:47.586 --> 00:13:50.830
She hugged, hugged Danny,
got in the car, and left.

00:13:54.430 --> 00:13:56.980
But I was so drunk,
by the time that they

00:13:56.980 --> 00:14:01.960
had started stabbing the
guy, I turned into a coward.

00:14:01.960 --> 00:14:03.499
I didn't try to stop them.

00:14:03.499 --> 00:14:04.040
I was scared.

00:14:04.040 --> 00:14:06.540
I was scared they were going
to leave me there like they did

00:14:06.540 --> 00:14:08.550
him, and I didn't do anything.

00:14:18.861 --> 00:14:21.820
She left us out there to die.

00:14:21.820 --> 00:14:25.230
She didn't want to live herself,
is what she told me later.

00:14:25.230 --> 00:14:28.035
I didn't hear from her again
until I got to death row.

00:14:32.980 --> 00:14:35.750
And my case is not a killing.

00:14:35.750 --> 00:14:37.990
It's not just a murder.

00:14:37.990 --> 00:14:40.830
It's rated as capital
murder, murder robbery,

00:14:40.830 --> 00:14:42.570
but that's not
what it was either.

00:14:42.570 --> 00:14:44.430
My case was a slaughter.

00:14:44.430 --> 00:14:48.060
The man was stabbed three
times in the face, 59 times

00:14:48.060 --> 00:14:52.090
in the back, and his
throat was cut 16 times.

00:14:52.090 --> 00:14:52.960
Almost decapitated.

00:14:58.680 --> 00:15:02.710
I'd just as soon have been
killed like that man was

00:15:02.710 --> 00:15:04.730
and left there with him.

00:15:04.730 --> 00:15:06.934
Then the people that
really mattered to me

00:15:06.934 --> 00:15:09.100
wouldn't have been through
what they'd been through.

00:15:15.380 --> 00:15:18.450
I've had a keen interest
in bringing Vipassana

00:15:18.450 --> 00:15:22.879
to corrections for
quite some time.

00:15:22.879 --> 00:15:24.920
But of course, India is
a very different culture,

00:15:24.920 --> 00:15:29.070
and they're open to a lot more
of these kind of practices,

00:15:29.070 --> 00:15:31.385
meditation, so it's
a very foreign thing.

00:15:35.580 --> 00:15:40.710
Being a Buddhist program from
the past in a Christian setting

00:15:40.710 --> 00:15:43.580
is a little questionable
for a lot of people.

00:15:43.580 --> 00:15:46.090
You're in the Bible
Belt in South Alabama,

00:15:46.090 --> 00:15:47.075
or in Alabama, period.

00:15:50.430 --> 00:15:53.360
We have to be progressive and
be willing to take chances,

00:15:53.360 --> 00:15:56.330
and the chances that
we're taking are minimal.

00:15:56.330 --> 00:15:58.300
If it doesn't work,
it was a program

00:15:58.300 --> 00:16:00.400
that we tried that
didn't succeed.

00:16:00.400 --> 00:16:03.900
If it does work, then I
receive all the accolades.

00:16:03.900 --> 00:16:07.799
I don't see a great danger here.

00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:09.715
The only failure is the
person who didn't try.

00:16:13.450 --> 00:16:16.080
One of the things that
happens in this state

00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:19.550
is that you have two
models of corrections.

00:16:19.550 --> 00:16:21.690
One is a
treatment-oriented model

00:16:21.690 --> 00:16:24.710
where, once you
lock the inmate up,

00:16:24.710 --> 00:16:27.680
you start to provide
services for him.

00:16:27.680 --> 00:16:30.600
The other model is more
of a punitive model, where

00:16:30.600 --> 00:16:33.200
you lock the inmate up
and you forget about him.

00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:33.700
That's it.

00:16:39.350 --> 00:16:41.720
The state of Alabama,
in my opinion,

00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:44.030
the prison system
is something else.

00:16:46.840 --> 00:16:50.570
We're probably one of the
worst states in the Union

00:16:50.570 --> 00:16:55.120
about treating our prisoners
the way they should be.

00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:58.530
It's more or less a
thing of captivity

00:16:58.530 --> 00:17:02.413
rather than a thing
of rehabilitation.

00:17:02.413 --> 00:17:04.329
They're saying that
there's no money for this,

00:17:04.329 --> 00:17:05.569
and no money for that.

00:17:05.569 --> 00:17:07.500
You know, it's always
money for other things,

00:17:07.500 --> 00:17:11.031
but there's never enough
money for the right thing.

00:17:11.031 --> 00:17:15.526
Shall not perish, but they
shall have everlasting life.

00:17:15.526 --> 00:17:17.609
My friend, you got life
when you got Jesus Christ.

00:17:17.609 --> 00:17:18.970
Life, my friend.

00:17:18.970 --> 00:17:19.640
Life, my friend.

00:17:19.640 --> 00:17:21.020
Life!

00:17:21.020 --> 00:17:24.180
Well, I don't believe in
Buddhism and stuff like that.

00:17:24.180 --> 00:17:26.060
I'm a Christian.

00:17:26.060 --> 00:17:29.691
Or any kind of witchcraft at
all, so I don't believe it

00:17:29.691 --> 00:17:30.190
would help.

00:17:34.140 --> 00:17:37.380
They're given too much, anyway.

00:17:37.380 --> 00:17:40.440
I mean, if they're going to
go rob stores, kill people,

00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:42.630
they don't deserve nothing.

00:17:42.630 --> 00:17:43.170
My opinion.

00:17:43.170 --> 00:17:45.570
I work every day.

00:17:45.570 --> 00:17:46.310
They should too.

00:17:50.150 --> 00:17:52.930
I hope they do change.

00:17:52.930 --> 00:17:57.370
You know, for society's
sake, I hope they change.

00:17:57.370 --> 00:18:01.284
But the 10 days of being
isolated, meditating.

00:18:01.284 --> 00:18:03.450
They should have meditated
before they done whatever

00:18:03.450 --> 00:18:04.491
they did to get in there.

00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:15.120
I was very nervous to go to
a maximum security prison.

00:18:15.120 --> 00:18:22.750
The atmosphere was so
heavy and oppressive.

00:18:22.750 --> 00:18:25.880
I felt I was going to, like, the
prison in Shawshank Redemption.

00:18:30.250 --> 00:18:35.420
What happens if you bring
these teachers in that have

00:18:35.420 --> 00:18:38.850
no background in corrections?

00:18:38.850 --> 00:18:40.960
How's that going to
work, knowing that you've

00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:46.090
turned this part of the prison
over to people just coming

00:18:46.090 --> 00:18:47.645
in off the street?

00:18:47.645 --> 00:18:50.720
Home, sweet home.

00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:53.110
Well, when Vipassana
first approached,

00:18:53.110 --> 00:18:55.240
they came up with
a lot of issues,

00:18:55.240 --> 00:18:58.150
such as wanting to
live inside the prison

00:18:58.150 --> 00:19:03.510
with the inmates, which I found
at first to be just absolutely

00:19:03.510 --> 00:19:05.290
nonsense, to tell you the truth.

00:19:09.290 --> 00:19:12.600
We had to get ourselves
established in our living

00:19:12.600 --> 00:19:15.160
quarters.

00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:17.810
There was an open
toilet, and a sink,

00:19:17.810 --> 00:19:19.550
so we actually had no privacy.

00:19:19.550 --> 00:19:22.870
We did actually hang up a
curtain for as much privacy

00:19:22.870 --> 00:19:24.250
as we could get.

00:19:24.250 --> 00:19:27.905
And so to say the least,
it was very rudimentary.

00:19:33.790 --> 00:19:35.496
That place became our haven.

00:19:41.450 --> 00:19:47.530
We found ourselves really
quite fascinated with the fact

00:19:47.530 --> 00:19:53.460
that, here we were in one of the
United States' worst prisons,

00:19:53.460 --> 00:19:57.640
and these very lofty
teachings of the Buddha

00:19:57.640 --> 00:19:59.850
were being taught
in this institution.

00:19:59.850 --> 00:20:03.277
I mean, it was just mind
boggling that we were there.

00:20:03.277 --> 00:20:03.776
Bruce.

00:20:03.776 --> 00:20:04.420
What do you think?

00:20:04.420 --> 00:20:04.920
Souvenir?

00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:10.120
I think we had good
reason to be scared,

00:20:10.120 --> 00:20:14.820
but I had a lot of confidence in
the authorities and the warden.

00:20:14.820 --> 00:20:19.290
I felt very, sort of, protected.

00:20:19.290 --> 00:20:21.030
Maybe naively so, but I did.

00:20:24.430 --> 00:20:27.350
The first thing I want
to say is a little bit

00:20:27.350 --> 00:20:30.460
about what Vipassana is.

00:20:30.460 --> 00:20:33.430
For the 10 days that you're
going to be taking the course,

00:20:33.430 --> 00:20:37.830
you're going to be observing a
strict moral code of conduct.

00:20:37.830 --> 00:20:40.700
We go through a much more
involved orientation process

00:20:40.700 --> 00:20:44.830
for the inmates, so that we
acclimate them to the course

00:20:44.830 --> 00:20:47.590
and allow them to
let their decision

00:20:47.590 --> 00:20:49.930
to take the course
sink in in such a way

00:20:49.930 --> 00:20:52.820
that, if they feel that this
is not the time for them to sit

00:20:52.820 --> 00:20:56.920
a course, they can comfortably
decide not to before the course

00:20:56.920 --> 00:20:57.690
actually begins.

00:20:57.690 --> 00:20:59.670
And let me just say.

00:20:59.670 --> 00:21:03.610
If you're not nervous about the
10-day course, you should be.

00:21:03.610 --> 00:21:07.340
It's absolutely natural to have
doubts about your own capacity

00:21:07.340 --> 00:21:08.850
to get through
the 10-day course,

00:21:08.850 --> 00:21:12.850
doubts about the 10-day course
itself, about the benefits,

00:21:12.850 --> 00:21:14.320
how hard it's going to be.

00:21:14.320 --> 00:21:16.800
For the first nine
days of the course,

00:21:16.800 --> 00:21:19.870
amongst themselves,
there's complete science.

00:21:19.870 --> 00:21:21.660
Then there are
the five precepts,

00:21:21.660 --> 00:21:24.400
which is abstaining
from killing, stealing,

00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:29.670
sexual misconduct, lying,
and all intoxicants.

00:21:29.670 --> 00:21:31.800
And then there are
the specific rules

00:21:31.800 --> 00:21:34.970
about the schedule for the day.

00:21:34.970 --> 00:21:37.590
Just to summarize, your
primary during the 10 days

00:21:37.590 --> 00:21:41.710
is going to be to follow
the schedule of meditation,

00:21:41.710 --> 00:21:46.230
the rest periods, the meal
times, and the breaks.

00:21:46.230 --> 00:21:49.730
It's a very regimented day.

00:21:49.730 --> 00:21:53.700
It's, in many ways, stricter
than your normal prison

00:21:53.700 --> 00:21:54.500
daily schedule.

00:21:58.730 --> 00:22:02.610
To be honest with you, when
I first heard of the program,

00:22:02.610 --> 00:22:03.835
I was skeptical of it myself.

00:22:06.850 --> 00:22:10.100
I thought, well, we're going
to waste some time here.

00:22:12.620 --> 00:22:18.780
Some of the inmates are going
to use this program as a way

00:22:18.780 --> 00:22:24.895
to get away from the block
and to do their own thing.

00:22:28.230 --> 00:22:28.975
What is that?

00:22:28.975 --> 00:22:31.316
I don't want to go through that.

00:22:31.316 --> 00:22:32.060
You know.

00:22:32.060 --> 00:22:33.410
I was scared.

00:22:33.410 --> 00:22:36.640
I was real scared.

00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:37.630
And so I start smiling.

00:22:37.630 --> 00:22:40.550
I said, you know,
it's good to meditate.

00:22:40.550 --> 00:22:43.320
And I say, meditation,
I say, sometimes

00:22:43.320 --> 00:22:45.580
it pays to shut
everything down so

00:22:45.580 --> 00:22:47.180
you can just sit quiet in here.

00:22:49.970 --> 00:22:53.220
I've been through every
course imaginable.

00:22:53.220 --> 00:22:55.880
I know it all.

00:22:55.880 --> 00:22:57.530
A meditation course?

00:22:57.530 --> 00:22:59.358
Come on.

00:22:59.358 --> 00:23:01.640
I have a question.

00:23:01.640 --> 00:23:04.740
I'm a firm believer that
the only protection I have

00:23:04.740 --> 00:23:08.429
for myself,
spiritually, is prayer,

00:23:08.429 --> 00:23:09.970
but I understand
through the program,

00:23:09.970 --> 00:23:12.744
that we can't indulge in prayer.

00:23:12.744 --> 00:23:14.160
I was just wondering,
why is that?

00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:16.070
The reason we ask
you to do that is

00:23:16.070 --> 00:23:19.870
because, when we work at
a deep level of the mind,

00:23:19.870 --> 00:23:23.190
we want to have no
other practices that

00:23:23.190 --> 00:23:26.410
involve exercising
the mind in this way.

00:23:26.410 --> 00:23:29.100
Right from the very
start, I was always

00:23:29.100 --> 00:23:33.560
concerned from the
religious point of view

00:23:33.560 --> 00:23:39.730
that they would see this program
as something foreign, or alien,

00:23:39.730 --> 00:23:47.590
unusual, different, that would
take away from their programs.

00:23:47.590 --> 00:23:49.840
How many of you consider
yourselves to be religious?

00:23:52.760 --> 00:23:55.040
Quite a few of you.

00:23:55.040 --> 00:23:59.380
Or spiritual, religious,
however you want to say it.

00:23:59.380 --> 00:24:01.580
It's not that it's
teaching a religion.

00:24:01.580 --> 00:24:05.560
It's teaching a meditation
practice that was born there.

00:24:05.560 --> 00:24:08.280
I don't think that will be a
problem once that's understood.

00:24:08.280 --> 00:24:11.700
Now, if you came in and tried
to teach against Christianity

00:24:11.700 --> 00:24:17.140
and to teach Buddhism, it would
become a real problem here.

00:24:17.140 --> 00:24:20.190
As a matter of fact, I would
have some difficulty with that.

00:24:23.610 --> 00:24:25.760
I had a guy come to me
this morning and tell me,

00:24:25.760 --> 00:24:28.220
he said, I'm concerned
because the guys that

00:24:28.220 --> 00:24:31.500
aren't really grounded real well
in Christianity go down there

00:24:31.500 --> 00:24:35.180
and they're going
to become Buddhist.

00:24:35.180 --> 00:24:38.700
Well, they won't understand.

00:24:38.700 --> 00:24:40.890
And I said, well, what's
not to understand about

00:24:40.890 --> 00:24:43.210
compassion, love, and caring?

00:24:43.210 --> 00:24:49.070
And that was the big turnaround
for me, realizing that.

00:24:49.070 --> 00:24:50.070
That was the turnaround.

00:24:57.320 --> 00:24:59.380
This west gym will
be locked down.

00:24:59.380 --> 00:25:01.450
The inmates will not
be able to go out,

00:25:01.450 --> 00:25:04.430
and inmates from the outside
will not be able to come in.

00:25:08.320 --> 00:25:13.100
This is very much a monastic
sitting, in a sense.

00:25:13.100 --> 00:25:14.350
Or prison within a prison.

00:25:22.350 --> 00:25:26.485
OB was very instrumental
in setting up the courses.

00:25:29.000 --> 00:25:29.680
That'll do.

00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:31.540
We put the duct tape.

00:25:31.540 --> 00:25:33.960
We duct tape it all
up, it should be fine.

00:25:33.960 --> 00:25:34.745
We got matching.

00:25:34.745 --> 00:25:35.990
We got matching tape now.

00:25:35.990 --> 00:25:36.985
Wow.

00:25:36.985 --> 00:25:37.610
That's great.

00:25:37.610 --> 00:25:39.560
We've got some gray
ones too, which we could

00:25:39.560 --> 00:25:41.080
use for the edge of the white.

00:25:41.080 --> 00:25:44.690
He told me that he had started
meditating, and so I asked him,

00:25:44.690 --> 00:25:45.690
you started meditating.

00:25:45.690 --> 00:25:47.000
What's going on?

00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:50.250
And, I mean, I've
always been apprehensive

00:25:50.250 --> 00:25:53.610
about these things.

00:25:53.610 --> 00:25:57.910
He explained to me that it
is to relax you, and enable

00:25:57.910 --> 00:26:02.320
you to focus on
controlling your emotions.

00:26:02.320 --> 00:26:04.120
He went through a
whole length of things,

00:26:04.120 --> 00:26:06.160
but I was just concerned
about his well being.

00:26:10.710 --> 00:26:12.270
What I noticed
about OB is that he

00:26:12.270 --> 00:26:16.250
seemed to be more calm,
more at peace with himself.

00:26:16.250 --> 00:26:18.695
He seemed to have
that sense of purpose.

00:26:24.100 --> 00:26:26.830
It's like stepping
into the abyss.

00:26:26.830 --> 00:26:28.330
You know, to go Vipassana.

00:26:28.330 --> 00:26:31.700
Because, when you're in here,
you're not just anybody.

00:26:31.700 --> 00:26:34.410
You're already someone
that's harmed humanity.

00:26:34.410 --> 00:26:35.480
You've already done so.

00:26:35.480 --> 00:26:37.790
And so you wonder, what is
it I haven't dealt with.

00:26:37.790 --> 00:26:44.040
There may be things back there
that I may uncover that I've

00:26:44.040 --> 00:26:45.647
never even glanced at.

00:27:01.740 --> 00:27:05.120
This woman came
out from the back.

00:27:05.120 --> 00:27:08.300
I asked for her money.

00:27:08.300 --> 00:27:11.650
I told her to lay
down in the floor,

00:27:11.650 --> 00:27:13.400
and that didn't
seem to satisfy me.

00:27:16.440 --> 00:27:19.580
So I told her to get up.

00:27:19.580 --> 00:27:23.820
when she walked by me,
a stabbed her to death.

00:27:23.820 --> 00:27:24.620
Many, many times.

00:27:28.830 --> 00:27:30.880
You really don't feel.

00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:35.650
You've got this place where
it's like, things are not real.

00:27:39.180 --> 00:27:43.680
Until you get stopped
by life itself,

00:27:43.680 --> 00:27:47.140
where you have to stop and
take note of what you've done,

00:27:47.140 --> 00:27:50.405
what's going on with you,
then you just continue it.

00:28:17.650 --> 00:28:21.680
The reason I feel that
Vipassana has opportunity,

00:28:21.680 --> 00:28:23.400
one of the things,
its main principles,

00:28:23.400 --> 00:28:25.233
is to make an individual
look at themselves.

00:28:29.356 --> 00:28:30.980
When you get on the
cushion, and you're

00:28:30.980 --> 00:28:34.390
having to deal with
yourself, under strict rules

00:28:34.390 --> 00:28:37.070
and strict environment,
it's really

00:28:37.070 --> 00:28:38.250
kind of changes everything.

00:28:38.250 --> 00:28:39.700
You can't fake yourself.

00:28:39.700 --> 00:28:43.960
And this is actually the last
orientation that we'll have,

00:28:43.960 --> 00:28:47.630
and the idea is for
you to come in here,

00:28:47.630 --> 00:28:50.505
get used to the environment
that you're going to be in,

00:28:50.505 --> 00:28:53.990
have you sit on the
cushions, get a sense of what

00:28:53.990 --> 00:28:56.460
that's going to feel like.

00:28:56.460 --> 00:28:58.110
Each time we start
a group sitting,

00:28:58.110 --> 00:29:00.910
we'll start off with chanting.

00:29:00.910 --> 00:29:05.150
The chanting is to help
create and to preserve

00:29:05.150 --> 00:29:08.840
a good environment
for you to work in.

00:29:08.840 --> 00:29:13.140
So I'm going to play you the
beginning of the chanting,

00:29:13.140 --> 00:29:15.750
and then I'll play
the end of it.

00:29:19.124 --> 00:29:24.426
[CHANTING PLAYING]

00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:30.860
Being someone as
talkative as much as I am,

00:29:30.860 --> 00:29:34.300
shutting up for 10 days
is just critical mass.

00:29:34.300 --> 00:29:35.530
I'm serious.

00:29:35.530 --> 00:29:37.990
That's almost to drive you
into hysteria by itself.

00:29:40.740 --> 00:29:44.042
What's 10 hours
going to look like?

00:29:44.042 --> 00:29:45.500
What's it going to
do to your back?

00:29:48.290 --> 00:29:51.230
It doesn't matter how much yoga
I've done, or other things.

00:29:51.230 --> 00:29:55.270
I still know that my legs,
the circulation cuts off.

00:29:59.850 --> 00:30:02.505
I imagine it's kind of
like going in the army.

00:30:02.505 --> 00:30:05.630
You know, when you get through a
boot camp, one way or the other

00:30:05.630 --> 00:30:07.410
that you feel about
it, either it was OK

00:30:07.410 --> 00:30:09.250
and you realize what
the purpose was for,

00:30:09.250 --> 00:30:14.014
or you didn't, and you
had the extreme other.

00:30:14.014 --> 00:30:25.070
[CHANTING PLAYING]

00:30:25.070 --> 00:30:29.410
Come, oh people of the world.

00:30:29.410 --> 00:30:33.230
Let us walk the path of truth.

00:30:33.230 --> 00:30:38.440
The path of truth is
the path of peace.

00:30:38.440 --> 00:30:44.250
The path of truth is
the path of happiness.

00:30:44.250 --> 00:30:47.040
So you get a sense of
what he's chanting.

00:30:47.040 --> 00:30:49.005
It's just good wishes.

00:30:53.750 --> 00:30:59.330
So I wish you all a
success in these 10 days.

00:30:59.330 --> 00:31:03.710
It won't always, always
be easy, but remember,

00:31:03.710 --> 00:31:08.622
if you keep persisting, keep
trying, you will be successful.

00:31:08.622 --> 00:31:09.122
So.

00:31:12.375 --> 00:31:16.137
I wrestled with myself
for a long time.

00:31:16.137 --> 00:31:17.970
So I said, I'm going
to decide to take this.

00:31:17.970 --> 00:31:19.344
I'm going to see
what's going on.

00:31:24.120 --> 00:31:27.740
There's part of me
that let me know, Ed.

00:31:27.740 --> 00:31:29.330
You're ready, man.

00:31:29.330 --> 00:31:31.170
You're ready.

00:31:31.170 --> 00:31:35.930
You know, you're ready
to go and deal with life.

00:31:35.930 --> 00:31:38.270
Some people are scared
to deal with life,

00:31:38.270 --> 00:31:41.910
and I was one of those persons
scared to deal with life.

00:31:41.910 --> 00:32:13.410
[MUSIC PLAYING]

00:32:13.410 --> 00:32:15.045
I've got to get it
going on myself.

00:32:15.045 --> 00:32:16.440
[WHISTLE BLOWING]

00:32:16.440 --> 00:32:19.170
All Vipassana inmates, you
need to get your stuff, junior.

00:32:19.170 --> 00:32:20.150
Get your stuff.

00:32:26.870 --> 00:32:27.770
All of them coming?

00:32:27.770 --> 00:32:30.002
All this stuff on here?

00:32:30.002 --> 00:32:30.998
All right.

00:33:14.900 --> 00:33:16.075
[CHIMING]

00:33:17.260 --> 00:33:19.070
I hear this sound
I'm not used to,

00:33:19.070 --> 00:33:22.930
and it means it's
time to get up.

00:33:22.930 --> 00:33:24.305
I would come to hate that sound.

00:33:28.013 --> 00:33:35.360
[CHIMING]

00:33:35.360 --> 00:33:38.940
Probably the most challenging
discipline that we have

00:33:38.940 --> 00:33:40.280
is one of noble silence.

00:33:40.280 --> 00:33:43.797
So for nine days, the students
cannot actually talk with each

00:33:43.797 --> 00:33:44.297
other.

00:33:51.930 --> 00:33:52.635
It was so quiet.

00:33:52.635 --> 00:33:54.093
You know, I hadn't
been in anything

00:33:54.093 --> 00:33:57.330
that quiet since kindergarten.

00:33:57.330 --> 00:33:59.310
But it was OK.

00:34:07.490 --> 00:34:10.460
It's like they're
used to action.

00:34:10.460 --> 00:34:12.770
They're used to
action at all times.

00:34:12.770 --> 00:34:15.929
They're not used to
clearing their minds,

00:34:15.929 --> 00:34:19.360
and, you know, meditating,
and listening to other,

00:34:19.360 --> 00:34:20.900
you know, tell them
how to meditate,

00:34:20.900 --> 00:34:22.589
how to express themselves.

00:34:22.589 --> 00:34:23.630
they're not used to that.

00:34:33.300 --> 00:34:35.694
First three days
were the rough part.

00:34:38.019 --> 00:34:39.560
At this point in
time, you don't have

00:34:39.560 --> 00:34:42.816
to sit hours and
hours the first day.

00:34:42.816 --> 00:34:43.587
I was like, OK.

00:34:43.587 --> 00:34:44.420
I can do this, yeah.

00:34:44.420 --> 00:34:45.009
I can do this.

00:34:45.009 --> 00:34:46.550
And I'm telling
myself I can do this.

00:34:51.090 --> 00:34:53.070
They're teaching
us about Anapana,

00:34:53.070 --> 00:34:54.620
about the breathing process.

00:34:54.620 --> 00:34:57.190
But at this time, I don't
know nothing about no Anapana,

00:34:57.190 --> 00:34:59.340
about no breathing process.

00:34:59.340 --> 00:35:01.470
So.

00:35:01.470 --> 00:35:09.115
[CHANTING]

00:35:10.330 --> 00:35:14.020
Anapana is strictly a
concentration technique,

00:35:14.020 --> 00:35:15.880
so that when you
get to Vipassana,

00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:19.240
you can work very deeply, or
you can observe the sensations

00:35:19.240 --> 00:35:22.320
in the body.

00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:28.000
Anapana is this breathing
through your nostrils.

00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:30.230
When you Anapana, it opens up.

00:35:30.230 --> 00:35:32.229
It opens up this part.

00:35:32.229 --> 00:35:33.020
It helps you think.

00:35:36.150 --> 00:35:41.012
It helps you think about you.

00:35:41.012 --> 00:35:43.200
This technique
really is scientific.

00:35:43.200 --> 00:35:45.830
It's very pragmatic.

00:35:45.830 --> 00:35:49.000
And I think that they sense
that at a very early stage.

00:36:10.230 --> 00:36:14.250
Vipassana means, literally,
to see things as they are.

00:36:17.690 --> 00:36:22.770
To see the reality deep inside
of yourself as it really is.

00:36:22.770 --> 00:36:25.450
And that, oftentimes, is not
a very pleasant experience,

00:36:25.450 --> 00:36:25.950
initially.

00:36:33.014 --> 00:36:37.510
[THUNDER RUMBLING]

00:36:37.510 --> 00:36:39.690
I wake up exhausted.

00:36:39.690 --> 00:36:41.525
I am concerned about
making this day.

00:36:44.050 --> 00:36:46.110
The very hour that we
are to ask the teacher

00:36:46.110 --> 00:36:48.720
to teach us Vipassana,
a thunderstorm

00:36:48.720 --> 00:36:50.635
hits for the whole
duration of the session.

00:36:57.000 --> 00:36:58.710
I think I was go
around too serious.

00:36:58.710 --> 00:37:00.206
I went in there,
and I said, yeah.

00:37:00.206 --> 00:37:02.080
I'm going to do this,
and I'm going to do it.

00:37:02.080 --> 00:37:03.496
Nothing's going
to get in the way.

00:37:03.496 --> 00:37:06.150
And then, as it turns out, so
many things got in the way.

00:37:06.150 --> 00:37:09.110
And you know that I
found myself getting

00:37:09.110 --> 00:37:12.250
angry at the things which were
getting in the way, you know,

00:37:12.250 --> 00:37:13.640
and that was a big storm then.

00:37:17.350 --> 00:37:19.730
Every student will
face what we call

00:37:19.730 --> 00:37:25.860
a storm, where they will have
a deep sense of fear, anger,

00:37:25.860 --> 00:37:29.250
depression, begin to come to
the surface level of the mind,

00:37:29.250 --> 00:37:30.620
and they have to face that.

00:37:30.620 --> 00:37:32.120
That is the technique
of Vipassana

00:37:32.120 --> 00:37:35.285
is to work at that depth
where all that stuff comes up.

00:37:35.285 --> 00:37:38.520
I knew that I had to
kind of let things go,

00:37:38.520 --> 00:37:40.855
and I realized that I was
holding onto things too

00:37:40.855 --> 00:37:41.355
strongly.

00:37:45.650 --> 00:37:46.800
And that became very funny.

00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:49.922
You know, I started
laughing about the way

00:37:49.922 --> 00:37:51.130
I was reacting to everything.

00:37:51.130 --> 00:37:55.970
I started laughing
because I was angry.

00:37:55.970 --> 00:38:00.220
And in the midst of the
laughter, it changed to tears.

00:38:02.845 --> 00:38:03.990
I was like, whoa.

00:38:03.990 --> 00:38:04.819
And the big image.

00:38:04.819 --> 00:38:06.360
You know, you're
not supposed to cry.

00:38:06.360 --> 00:38:07.630
What if somebody sees you cry?

00:38:10.250 --> 00:38:12.200
It turned out, that
was OK, actually.

00:38:12.200 --> 00:38:14.660
You know, in the end,
everything seemed OK.

00:38:14.660 --> 00:38:15.744
It was OK to cry.

00:38:15.744 --> 00:38:18.160
I just didn't care anymore,
and I just let the tears roll,

00:38:18.160 --> 00:38:20.320
and I cried.

00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:23.077
I don't know what I was crying
about, but it felt good to cry.

00:38:23.077 --> 00:38:24.660
You know, it had
been quite some time.

00:38:38.725 --> 00:38:40.210
I had a friend.

00:38:40.210 --> 00:38:42.480
His mother had a lot of
land out in the countryside,

00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:46.240
at the outskirts of Montgomery.

00:38:46.240 --> 00:38:51.459
We used to go out there, target
practice and stuff like that.

00:38:51.459 --> 00:38:53.000
Then I used to ride
around with a gun

00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:58.640
all the time, in the
car with me, you know.

00:38:58.640 --> 00:39:03.420
I remember when it first
happened, I wept over it.

00:39:03.420 --> 00:39:07.160
It's very difficult to
conceive of sitting in a car,

00:39:07.160 --> 00:39:10.000
and driving down the highway,
and just suddenly being

00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:13.420
shot randomly.

00:39:13.420 --> 00:39:16.770
One person got killed, one
person got seriously injured,

00:39:16.770 --> 00:39:21.465
and you know, they were the
subject of a lot of publicity

00:39:21.465 --> 00:39:23.630
and whatnot, around here
in the state of Alabama.

00:39:29.010 --> 00:39:31.950
To this day, Ben says that
he wasn't the person who

00:39:31.950 --> 00:39:34.200
pulled the trigger.

00:39:34.200 --> 00:39:36.110
But I know that these
were his friends,

00:39:36.110 --> 00:39:40.300
and if you're in company
that does things like that,

00:39:40.300 --> 00:39:42.832
all of you are
responsible for it.

00:39:47.210 --> 00:39:49.790
I was a stupid kid.

00:39:49.790 --> 00:39:52.860
20 might not seem like
a kid to many people,

00:39:52.860 --> 00:39:57.440
but that's 10 years ago for me,
and when I look back, you know,

00:39:57.440 --> 00:40:01.420
I see that I was a kid.

00:40:01.420 --> 00:40:04.100
I wanted to fit in, you know.

00:40:04.100 --> 00:40:05.340
I wanted to fit in.

00:40:05.340 --> 00:40:08.500
I wanted to be looked
up to by people

00:40:08.500 --> 00:40:12.288
and, you know, I wanted to be
accepted in this society here.

00:40:12.288 --> 00:40:19.370
And, you know, many times,
that led me to their trouble.

00:40:19.370 --> 00:40:24.250
I have changed drastically.

00:40:24.250 --> 00:40:28.480
I think, without
that personal work,

00:40:28.480 --> 00:40:31.266
I might have been somebody
crazy like the person

00:40:31.266 --> 00:40:33.435
I was described
in the newspapers

00:40:33.435 --> 00:40:35.370
and whatnot when I got arrested.

00:40:38.910 --> 00:40:42.890
A ruthless, mindless
animal from Africa.

00:40:42.890 --> 00:40:43.390
Yeah.

00:40:48.350 --> 00:40:53.610
We can't really expect
the men to do anything.

00:40:53.610 --> 00:40:59.190
Our job is, you
know, just to give.

00:40:59.190 --> 00:41:01.280
The results really
are up to the men.

00:41:04.520 --> 00:41:05.210
It was horrible.

00:41:05.210 --> 00:41:06.910
It was probably the
worst experience

00:41:06.910 --> 00:41:10.160
I've ever been through.

00:41:10.160 --> 00:41:12.800
I spent 8 and 1/2 years on
death row, and this was harder.

00:41:15.690 --> 00:41:20.420
All the stuff that's buried down
deep, they come up gradually.

00:41:20.420 --> 00:41:22.310
And most of them
are small things,

00:41:22.310 --> 00:41:24.950
and you can deal with them, you
recognize them, you look at it,

00:41:24.950 --> 00:41:27.100
and you move on.

00:41:27.100 --> 00:41:30.310
But I never felt anything
like that, that fifth day.

00:41:34.430 --> 00:41:37.740
It was hard to keep
composure, stay on the mat.

00:41:37.740 --> 00:41:41.100
I wanted to jump and run bad.

00:41:41.100 --> 00:41:45.380
I've always justified some of
my behavior during that crime,

00:41:45.380 --> 00:41:47.940
and on day five, I just
couldn't get away from myself.

00:41:47.940 --> 00:41:49.220
I had to actually see it.

00:41:51.940 --> 00:41:55.170
Things don't just
happen, and your behavior

00:41:55.170 --> 00:41:58.440
causes the actions that you
get into, so I am guilty.

00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:04.470
I'm guilty of the crime,
whether I hit the man, whether I

00:42:04.470 --> 00:42:06.430
stabbed the man, whether
I cut the man, which

00:42:06.430 --> 00:42:08.550
I didn't do any of
those, but I'm just

00:42:08.550 --> 00:42:10.041
as guilty as the ones that did.

00:42:12.870 --> 00:42:14.650
It hit places in me
that I didn't even

00:42:14.650 --> 00:42:16.440
know was there anymore.

00:42:16.440 --> 00:42:18.697
Places like your
first child, when

00:42:18.697 --> 00:42:20.530
he gets old enough to
talk, and he looks you

00:42:20.530 --> 00:42:23.150
straight in the eye, and he
tells you, I love you, daddy.

00:42:23.150 --> 00:42:26.010
And you know the first time, he
understands what he's saying,

00:42:26.010 --> 00:42:27.490
and he means it.

00:42:27.490 --> 00:42:29.390
Those kind of places in you.

00:42:29.390 --> 00:42:31.630
And after 16 years of
being locked up in here,

00:42:31.630 --> 00:42:34.795
I wasn't sure there were any
places like that in me anymore.

00:42:34.795 --> 00:42:40.430
The in breath, and
the out breath.

00:42:40.430 --> 00:42:42.790
That's why they give a
10-day course instead of you

00:42:42.790 --> 00:42:47.170
come in and sit for four to
six hours a day and go home.

00:42:47.170 --> 00:42:47.920
Because, no.

00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:50.820
They want you there long
enough that you actually

00:42:50.820 --> 00:42:53.050
deal with your stuff.

00:42:53.050 --> 00:43:00.700
Letting the thoughts go on
the awareness of the breath.

00:43:00.700 --> 00:43:03.020
I believe that Grady
Bankhead is someone

00:43:03.020 --> 00:43:07.200
who is not going to be a threat
to society his entire life, who

00:43:07.200 --> 00:43:12.050
doesn't have to be incarcerated
or imprisoned his entire life

00:43:12.050 --> 00:43:14.530
to be appropriately punished
for the crime he committed.

00:43:17.830 --> 00:43:21.540
I tend to disfavor these
sentences that have

00:43:21.540 --> 00:43:23.172
hopelessness as a framework.

00:43:26.010 --> 00:43:28.610
But I guess we start
with the premise

00:43:28.610 --> 00:43:30.650
that, where there's
light, there is hope,

00:43:30.650 --> 00:43:32.490
and if we can get to
that point, there'll

00:43:32.490 --> 00:43:36.090
be something we can do about
that that will expose more

00:43:36.090 --> 00:43:38.590
of this person's humanity in
a way that the rest of society

00:43:38.590 --> 00:43:39.571
says, oh, you're right.

00:43:39.571 --> 00:43:40.445
That's a human being.

00:43:40.445 --> 00:43:42.440
We shouldn't just
give up on them.

00:43:49.100 --> 00:43:51.600
I thought my biggest fear
was growing old and dying

00:43:51.600 --> 00:43:54.020
in prison.

00:43:54.020 --> 00:43:56.950
In truth, my biggest fear
was growing old and not

00:43:56.950 --> 00:43:57.615
knowing myself.

00:44:05.410 --> 00:44:07.170
So this is the
technique of Vipassana

00:44:07.170 --> 00:44:11.570
is learning to observe the
sensations in the body.

00:44:17.285 --> 00:44:19.660
We might be walking down the
street, and we meet someone,

00:44:19.660 --> 00:44:20.975
and they say, well, how
are you today Harry,

00:44:20.975 --> 00:44:22.365
and Harry says, oh,
I'm feeling great.

00:44:22.365 --> 00:44:23.489
You know, I feel wonderful.

00:44:26.100 --> 00:44:28.140
Walk a little further,
and you meet Sally.

00:44:28.140 --> 00:44:29.890
And then Sally says,
oh, I'm so depressed.

00:44:29.890 --> 00:44:32.100
You know, I'm
frustrated, and so on.

00:44:32.100 --> 00:44:33.660
Both of those people
said they were

00:44:33.660 --> 00:44:38.945
feeling frustrated
or happy, but how do

00:44:38.945 --> 00:44:41.350
they experience those emotions.

00:44:41.350 --> 00:44:45.690
They are literally feeling
the sensations on the body.

00:44:45.690 --> 00:44:49.560
And the old habit pattern is
to react to those sensations.

00:44:52.200 --> 00:44:58.470
But in Vipassana, you learn just
to observe those sensations,

00:44:58.470 --> 00:45:01.524
because that's what they really
are, and not react to them.

00:45:04.250 --> 00:45:12.050
That day that I was sitting
and straight meditating,

00:45:12.050 --> 00:45:13.690
I don't want to
look at anything.

00:45:13.690 --> 00:45:15.280
I'm just straight meditating.

00:45:15.280 --> 00:45:19.173
Even at the time we had a break,
I'm going, sitting on my bed,

00:45:19.173 --> 00:45:20.922
I didn't want to do
anything but meditate.

00:45:26.660 --> 00:45:30.370
I dreamed about my daughter the
third night I was in Vipassana.

00:45:34.200 --> 00:45:37.202
And I still want to just
block that out my life.

00:45:37.202 --> 00:45:39.160
You know, I didn't want
to deal with this here.

00:45:39.160 --> 00:45:40.510
My daughter, dead?

00:45:40.510 --> 00:45:42.820
This is my baby girl.

00:45:42.820 --> 00:45:46.302
You know, it's like, I'm
going to put this out.

00:45:46.302 --> 00:45:48.260
My baby in a casket, I'm
going to put this out,

00:45:48.260 --> 00:45:49.580
block this away.

00:45:49.580 --> 00:45:51.720
I'm not going to
deal with this yet.

00:45:51.720 --> 00:45:53.332
[INAUDIBLE] Vipassana.

00:45:56.158 --> 00:46:00.400
When I told the teacher about
it, he was like, that's good,

00:46:00.400 --> 00:46:01.300
Edward.

00:46:01.300 --> 00:46:02.833
You're dealing with it.

00:46:02.833 --> 00:46:07.670
Whatever sensations you
experience on the way.

00:46:07.670 --> 00:46:11.090
He was the head of a
gang within the facility,

00:46:11.090 --> 00:46:14.855
and was quite feared and
respected in that way.

00:46:17.900 --> 00:46:22.355
He came to me and he had
so much pain in his face.

00:46:22.355 --> 00:46:24.280
He says, I don't know
if I can do this.

00:46:24.280 --> 00:46:25.894
I'm a really angry man.

00:46:30.240 --> 00:46:37.270
And it has a little apparatus on
the playground, like a bridge.

00:46:37.270 --> 00:46:39.810
And a girlfriend of hers
was playing on the bridge,

00:46:39.810 --> 00:46:41.450
and she knocked Ebony out.

00:46:41.450 --> 00:46:44.140
She hit her head.

00:46:44.140 --> 00:46:47.470
And so, when she hit her head,
and she went into hospital,

00:46:47.470 --> 00:46:51.070
I think she stayed in a couple
of days before she passed.

00:46:51.070 --> 00:46:53.865
So she died from that,
from falling off.

00:46:57.645 --> 00:47:02.720
She was standing in front
of me with a white dress on.

00:47:02.720 --> 00:47:04.950
She laid in my arms and
said, dad, it's all right.

00:47:07.960 --> 00:47:10.415
I accept the fact that she's
in a whole other place,

00:47:10.415 --> 00:47:13.630
but she'll always be with me.

00:47:13.630 --> 00:47:16.170
She'll always be with me.

00:47:16.170 --> 00:47:18.825
And that was a lot of stress
lifted above me, with that.

00:47:21.560 --> 00:47:26.220
All that pain in his face was
gone, and it was just clear.

00:47:26.220 --> 00:47:30.010
His eyes were brighter, and the
whole countenance of his face

00:47:30.010 --> 00:47:33.080
was happier, and he was lighter.

00:47:39.500 --> 00:47:41.986
I didn't believe this method
was going to work, though.

00:47:41.986 --> 00:47:44.334
To be honest with you, at
first, I was like, man,

00:47:44.334 --> 00:47:45.375
this isn't going to work.

00:47:45.375 --> 00:47:47.250
There's nothing that's
going to work forever.

00:47:47.250 --> 00:47:48.760
This isn't.

00:47:48.760 --> 00:47:52.341
I didn't believe it was
going to work, but it worked.

00:47:52.341 --> 00:47:52.840
It worked.

00:47:52.840 --> 00:47:53.430
It really did.

00:47:58.140 --> 00:48:02.120
The final day, after our group
sitting and instructions,

00:48:02.120 --> 00:48:05.090
we break Noble Silence.

00:48:05.090 --> 00:48:06.520
I am proud of our group.

00:48:06.520 --> 00:48:09.645
I am so proud to call
them my Dhamma Brothers.

00:48:19.480 --> 00:48:22.430
Going back out into the
population will be difficult,

00:48:22.430 --> 00:48:24.260
and obviously I
can't speak to that.

00:48:27.550 --> 00:48:29.790
As you all know, what
we've created here

00:48:29.790 --> 00:48:34.640
is a little monastery,
and it's very protective.

00:48:34.640 --> 00:48:39.010
But when you go outside,
as you all well know,

00:48:39.010 --> 00:48:41.780
it's very different.

00:48:41.780 --> 00:48:44.400
There are some men
that really get it.

00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:47.210
You can just sense that
these guys are really

00:48:47.210 --> 00:48:48.440
going to get it.

00:48:48.440 --> 00:48:51.210
Others will certainly benefit.

00:48:51.210 --> 00:48:53.304
And others will also
play games with you

00:48:53.304 --> 00:48:54.470
right throughout the course.

00:48:54.470 --> 00:48:55.150
And we had that.

00:48:55.150 --> 00:48:56.860
We had a couple
of young guys who

00:48:56.860 --> 00:48:59.640
didn't want to play
along with the rules.

00:48:59.640 --> 00:49:01.354
But even they benefited.

00:49:01.354 --> 00:49:02.342
I made it.

00:49:02.342 --> 00:49:03.330
I told you.

00:49:03.330 --> 00:49:04.312
I know you would.

00:49:04.312 --> 00:49:04.812
You enjoy?

00:49:10.750 --> 00:49:12.640
Once they graduate,
they not only

00:49:12.640 --> 00:49:17.720
graduate with skills, and
techniques, and values,

00:49:17.720 --> 00:49:21.036
but they also graduate with
a sense of accomplishment.

00:49:21.036 --> 00:49:22.060
We had a great group.

00:49:22.060 --> 00:49:22.560
Yeah.

00:49:22.560 --> 00:49:23.060
Great group.

00:49:23.060 --> 00:49:25.140
Yeah.

00:49:25.140 --> 00:49:28.150
For a lot of the
inmates, that's something

00:49:28.150 --> 00:49:31.286
that they're feeling for the
first time in their lives.

00:49:34.500 --> 00:49:37.270
One of the things that we missed
in here so much, that I missed,

00:49:37.270 --> 00:49:38.840
personally, is bonding.

00:49:38.840 --> 00:49:43.240
Because in here, away from,
say, the personal setting, man,

00:49:43.240 --> 00:49:45.760
it's unusual for guys
to go around hugging

00:49:45.760 --> 00:49:49.930
each other and whatnot,
shaking hands, and touching.

00:49:49.930 --> 00:49:51.410
We're human being, you know?

00:49:51.410 --> 00:49:54.110
These are things that we miss.

00:49:54.110 --> 00:49:56.570
With this next group, it's
going to grow even bigger.

00:49:56.570 --> 00:49:58.370
The I love you will
be even bigger.

00:49:58.370 --> 00:50:00.410
We have it there, so
that's something very big.

00:50:00.410 --> 00:50:01.660
That's something so important.

00:50:08.326 --> 00:50:21.799
[CHIMING]

00:50:23.620 --> 00:50:25.287
I had mixed emotions
when I heard

00:50:25.287 --> 00:50:26.495
them speak at the graduation.

00:50:29.070 --> 00:50:32.090
Part of it was, is it real.

00:50:32.090 --> 00:50:33.350
Friends, family.

00:50:33.350 --> 00:50:38.980
It's so wonderful to see you all
here, and to witness history,

00:50:38.980 --> 00:50:40.880
and be a part of it, and just--

00:50:40.880 --> 00:50:42.855
Part of it was, man,
this is awesome.

00:50:43.570 --> 00:50:45.770
The heartache and,
you know, dealing

00:50:45.770 --> 00:50:49.290
with a maximum security,
and the type of time

00:50:49.290 --> 00:50:51.850
that the individuals
have on their mind.

00:50:51.850 --> 00:50:55.340
We exercise the body with steel.

00:50:55.340 --> 00:50:56.820
We run.

00:50:56.820 --> 00:50:59.740
But no one taught us how
to exercise the mind.

00:50:59.740 --> 00:51:01.220
It was very moving.

00:51:01.220 --> 00:51:04.640
I just hope and pray that it
really affected them in the way

00:51:04.640 --> 00:51:05.700
that they said.

00:51:05.700 --> 00:51:09.480
And I just, I think
about 2,500 years ago,

00:51:09.480 --> 00:51:12.640
and today, and
whatever the universe,

00:51:12.640 --> 00:51:15.480
Dhamma, that it took
to bring this about,

00:51:15.480 --> 00:51:18.380
and all this movement.

00:51:18.380 --> 00:51:20.490
I just feel really
blessed, and I thank

00:51:20.490 --> 00:51:22.720
y'all for the opportunity.

00:51:22.720 --> 00:51:26.090
We have a term here that we
use, fake it 'til you make it.

00:51:26.090 --> 00:51:28.500
That's a question I have here.

00:51:28.500 --> 00:51:30.000
You know, is this
something they can

00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:32.710
fake to get something
positive in their file

00:51:32.710 --> 00:51:35.200
to help them make parole,
or is this something

00:51:35.200 --> 00:51:36.870
that's truly life-changing?

00:51:36.870 --> 00:51:40.690
And, you know, it's impossible
to gauge after a month, two

00:51:40.690 --> 00:51:42.117
month, or a year.

00:51:42.117 --> 00:51:43.700
You know, show me
five years from now.

00:51:43.700 --> 00:51:45.150
Show me once you're
out that you've really

00:51:45.150 --> 00:51:46.000
changed your life.

00:51:46.000 --> 00:51:48.416
At that point, I'll be able
to say, yeah, this is awesome.

00:51:52.820 --> 00:51:55.280
I would hope that
the men can really

00:51:55.280 --> 00:52:02.440
rise above the prison culture,
and the sense of retaliation.

00:52:02.440 --> 00:52:06.090
It was interesting, you
know, when some of the men

00:52:06.090 --> 00:52:09.540
come to you, they're clearly
grappling with feelings

00:52:09.540 --> 00:52:13.526
of revenge and hatred.

00:52:13.526 --> 00:52:15.900
They were sick for the last
four days, throwing up blood,

00:52:15.900 --> 00:52:17.290
and they didn't get any help.

00:52:17.290 --> 00:52:20.800
I had to go tell
these gang members

00:52:20.800 --> 00:52:24.570
that I was part of, hey, man.

00:52:24.570 --> 00:52:26.910
This isn't me anymore.

00:52:26.910 --> 00:52:31.500
You go ahead and go your way,
and I'm going to go my way.

00:52:31.500 --> 00:52:34.070
And hoping I don't catch any
repercussions behind that.

00:52:38.070 --> 00:52:40.502
This is how I know
Vipassana works.

00:52:40.502 --> 00:52:46.170
When they call me a Tom,
call me the nigger word,

00:52:46.170 --> 00:52:49.020
breathe a little
bit, and I was cool.

00:52:51.820 --> 00:52:54.350
Administration
didn't teach me that.

00:52:54.350 --> 00:52:56.420
Vipassana taught me that.

00:53:00.680 --> 00:53:03.712
I've seen a change in him
lately as far as, you know,

00:53:03.712 --> 00:53:06.050
he don't hang out a pocket.

00:53:06.050 --> 00:53:07.630
If you're on to him
about something,

00:53:07.630 --> 00:53:09.421
he's usually trying to
handle his business,

00:53:09.421 --> 00:53:11.580
so I think I've seen
a good change in him,

00:53:11.580 --> 00:53:13.930
and it might be dealing
with this program, I guess.

00:53:18.730 --> 00:53:19.750
Oh.

00:53:19.750 --> 00:53:22.060
I received a call.

00:53:22.060 --> 00:53:28.050
He said, when you see me, you're
going to see a new Edward.

00:53:28.050 --> 00:53:31.290
So I'm just all excited, and
I can't wait to see my son.

00:53:33.940 --> 00:53:36.170
He was all smiles.

00:53:36.170 --> 00:53:37.920
I didn't see any
tension marks, because I

00:53:37.920 --> 00:53:39.220
can tell when he's stressed.

00:53:39.220 --> 00:53:41.580
All this just rolls up.

00:53:41.580 --> 00:53:43.420
And he was just shining.

00:53:43.420 --> 00:53:45.180
Gave me a big hug.

00:53:45.180 --> 00:53:46.548
And I looked.

00:53:46.548 --> 00:53:48.042
He said, I feel so good.

00:53:58.267 --> 00:54:00.100
I don't ever look to
get out of this prison.

00:54:04.290 --> 00:54:06.130
Or they may transfer
me to another prison,

00:54:06.130 --> 00:54:07.380
but it's still another prison.

00:54:07.380 --> 00:54:10.610
And that's going to be my home.

00:54:10.610 --> 00:54:12.780
So I've only got one
thing on my agenda.

00:54:16.540 --> 00:54:20.920
When I get up there and
I see my God when I die,

00:54:20.920 --> 00:54:23.850
whatever I've got in my
bag when I get there,

00:54:23.850 --> 00:54:27.710
I want to be excited and
happy about showing it to him.

00:54:27.710 --> 00:54:29.980
I don't want to
be ashamed of it.

00:54:29.980 --> 00:54:32.370
And Vipassana's the only way
I know to accomplish that.

00:54:38.060 --> 00:54:42.220
After experiencing the
first group coming through,

00:54:42.220 --> 00:54:46.240
and noticing how
faithful the guys are

00:54:46.240 --> 00:54:50.412
to come to meditation
each morning,

00:54:50.412 --> 00:54:52.120
evidently, something's
working somewhere.

00:54:55.070 --> 00:54:59.940
They're more relaxed, they're
easier to get along with,

00:54:59.940 --> 00:55:01.885
and they don't cause
as many problems.

00:55:07.433 --> 00:55:11.210
To begin with, the daily
sittings were great for us.

00:55:15.060 --> 00:55:19.760
It gave us an outlet to
commune with each other.

00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:22.270
It also encouraged one
to continue the sit-ins

00:55:22.270 --> 00:55:22.815
on their own.

00:55:25.480 --> 00:55:28.990
Not everybody gets to
show up every single time,

00:55:28.990 --> 00:55:31.060
but there was the opening.

00:55:31.060 --> 00:55:32.810
There was a room for
us to be able to sit.

00:55:37.990 --> 00:55:39.685
They, unfortunately,
one day were

00:55:39.685 --> 00:55:41.268
told that we couldn't
do them anymore.

00:55:48.100 --> 00:55:53.060
After the graduation,
people associated

00:55:53.060 --> 00:55:59.890
with traditional religious
programs became threatened.

00:55:59.890 --> 00:56:02.680
The chaplain services could
take the prerogative simply

00:56:02.680 --> 00:56:06.980
to call the commissioner
directly and say,

00:56:06.980 --> 00:56:09.590
these guys are
practicing Buddhism,

00:56:09.590 --> 00:56:13.610
and they're turning all
my inmates into Buddhists.

00:56:13.610 --> 00:56:15.774
So therefore, you need
to shut this thing down.

00:56:15.774 --> 00:56:18.190
So then the commissioner turns
around and calls the warden

00:56:18.190 --> 00:56:19.950
and says, you
know, shut it down.

00:56:19.950 --> 00:56:20.947
Shut the program down.

00:56:24.360 --> 00:56:27.430
You can explain the program
until you're blue in the face,

00:56:27.430 --> 00:56:30.285
but it's not going to
change their decision.

00:56:44.690 --> 00:56:46.210
Dear Bruce.

00:56:46.210 --> 00:56:47.970
I understand that
this letter may

00:56:47.970 --> 00:56:50.470
take some time to get to you.

00:56:50.470 --> 00:56:54.310
Please tell everyone
hello for me.

00:56:54.310 --> 00:56:57.580
Four block is now the worst
cell block in Donaldson.

00:57:00.210 --> 00:57:05.530
Blessed indeed are we who
live among those who hate,

00:57:05.530 --> 00:57:07.030
hating no one.

00:57:07.030 --> 00:57:12.230
Amidst those who hate, let
us dwell without hatred.

00:57:16.630 --> 00:57:19.010
Please let it be known
that we are always

00:57:19.010 --> 00:57:24.040
delighted to hear from any of
the Donaldson Dhamma Warriors.

00:57:24.040 --> 00:57:25.720
Of course, we are
all disappointed

00:57:25.720 --> 00:57:28.370
you have lost the right to
hold your group sittings.

00:57:28.370 --> 00:57:32.670
I know how much does this
has meant to you all.

00:57:32.670 --> 00:57:35.490
I was encouraged and
impressed that you did not

00:57:35.490 --> 00:57:37.830
express any negativity
about the situation.

00:57:41.620 --> 00:57:44.890
All the Dhamma Brothers were
hanging in there, for sure.

00:57:44.890 --> 00:57:48.240
Grady, OB, and I
just had a birthday

00:57:48.240 --> 00:57:50.750
on the 6th of September.

00:57:50.750 --> 00:57:56.090
I'm still sitting morning and
night, as I've always done.

00:57:56.090 --> 00:57:58.230
I will make like a
door and close now.

00:57:58.230 --> 00:58:00.030
Please take care and be careful.

00:58:00.030 --> 00:58:02.450
Be happy, be peaceful,
be liberated.

00:58:06.040 --> 00:58:08.560
Lately, I have not kept a
regular schedule of sitting.

00:58:11.390 --> 00:58:13.860
We still meet every
Wednesday under the auspices

00:58:13.860 --> 00:58:16.945
of another scheduled
class in the group room,

00:58:16.945 --> 00:58:18.320
and that gives us
the opportunity

00:58:18.320 --> 00:58:22.206
to share our bond
with each other.

00:58:22.206 --> 00:58:24.080
I wonder what would
happen if we were caught.

00:58:33.920 --> 00:58:38.947
When I first got here, it was
like, they told me, Ed's here.

00:58:38.947 --> 00:58:39.780
I was like, ah, man.

00:58:39.780 --> 00:58:40.920
Where's he at?

00:58:40.920 --> 00:58:43.690
Because it was a kind
of big shock to see.

00:58:43.690 --> 00:58:45.750
And when I did see,
I was like, hey.

00:58:45.750 --> 00:58:47.104
Man, are you still meditating?

00:58:47.104 --> 00:58:48.270
That was the first question.

00:58:48.270 --> 00:58:49.590
You still meditating?

00:58:49.590 --> 00:58:50.930
Exactly.

00:58:50.930 --> 00:58:53.630
But before you came
back to this camp,

00:58:53.630 --> 00:58:55.990
I had been going through a lot.

00:58:55.990 --> 00:58:56.760
A lot.

00:58:56.760 --> 00:59:01.930
You know, not being
around the people that

00:59:01.930 --> 00:59:05.240
know what Vipassana means, and
know what I had been through.

00:59:05.240 --> 00:59:06.100
It's like a void.

00:59:06.100 --> 00:59:09.010
You know, dealing with myself.

00:59:09.010 --> 00:59:15.090
For me to leave one, Donaldson,
where it's just a lot of us,

00:59:15.090 --> 00:59:19.530
to go where there's none,
that was a hard transformation

00:59:19.530 --> 00:59:20.916
for me.

00:59:20.916 --> 00:59:23.990
Being able to have
to fight with myself,

00:59:23.990 --> 00:59:27.220
to fight within these
bounds, and allow

00:59:27.220 --> 00:59:30.280
myself to slip like that--

00:59:30.280 --> 00:59:31.920
This too will change.

00:59:31.920 --> 00:59:32.710
You know?

00:59:32.710 --> 00:59:37.480
So don't let that break you
down, because you can always

00:59:37.480 --> 00:59:38.135
get it back.

00:59:38.135 --> 00:59:39.760
You can always go
back and get it back.

00:59:39.760 --> 00:59:43.535
So it's not to a point to
where it's not retrievable.

00:59:43.535 --> 00:59:44.660
You can go back and get it.

00:59:54.430 --> 00:59:57.620
In order to bring Vipassana
back at this particular time,

00:59:57.620 --> 01:00:00.180
there was a change in
the administration.

01:00:00.180 --> 01:00:02.420
There was also a
change in the wardens

01:00:02.420 --> 01:00:07.030
and a change in the
chaplain services.

01:00:07.030 --> 01:00:08.560
It's great to be
back at Donaldson.

01:00:08.560 --> 01:00:09.310
Oh, yeah?

01:00:09.310 --> 01:00:09.810
It is.

01:00:09.810 --> 01:00:11.018
Feels like we're coming home.

01:00:11.018 --> 01:00:12.040
Feels like home.

01:00:12.040 --> 01:00:13.940
We missed you all too.

01:00:13.940 --> 01:00:14.440
Yeah?

01:00:17.330 --> 01:00:19.740
I can only go on
what's happening now,

01:00:19.740 --> 01:00:22.000
because I wasn't here then.

01:00:22.000 --> 01:00:25.350
And what's happening now, I
haven't had any opposition.

01:00:25.350 --> 01:00:28.320
That doesn't mean I won't
have any opposition,

01:00:28.320 --> 01:00:30.730
but I haven't had any.

01:00:30.730 --> 01:00:33.905
So when it does, we'll just
deal with it accordingly.

01:00:40.008 --> 01:00:41.460
Hey, guys!

01:00:41.460 --> 01:00:42.695
Hey!

01:00:42.695 --> 01:00:46.320
As I walked down the corridor,
and I saw them lined up,

01:00:46.320 --> 01:00:48.022
a big smile just
came over my face.

01:00:51.260 --> 01:00:55.241
It was like it was a
real homecoming for me.

01:00:55.241 --> 01:00:55.865
Very emotional.

01:00:59.270 --> 01:01:02.130
Just very touching.

01:01:02.130 --> 01:01:04.414
Jones and I have the
[INAUDIBLE] distinction

01:01:04.414 --> 01:01:08.887
of the only guys that ever want
to come back into Donaldson.

01:01:08.887 --> 01:01:10.378
All you guys want to get out.

01:01:10.378 --> 01:01:12.880
We want to come back in.

01:01:12.880 --> 01:01:15.210
It is way beyond what
I could have ever

01:01:15.210 --> 01:01:17.030
imagined it to have been.

01:01:17.030 --> 01:01:20.560
Just the responses of the
men, and their deep sense

01:01:20.560 --> 01:01:24.850
of gratitude, and clearly their
connection with the meditation

01:01:24.850 --> 01:01:26.950
technique, and how much
it's benefited them.

01:01:31.550 --> 01:01:35.790
Knowing that the Vipassana
program is secular in nature,

01:01:35.790 --> 01:01:37.336
I always maintained hope.

01:01:37.336 --> 01:01:39.782
How you doing?

01:01:39.782 --> 01:01:40.564
Good to see you.

01:01:40.564 --> 01:01:41.230
Good to see you.

01:01:41.230 --> 01:01:42.970
Thanks for all your letters?

01:01:42.970 --> 01:01:44.794
If you're really
interested in treatment,

01:01:44.794 --> 01:01:47.210
and you're really committed,
and you want to do treatment,

01:01:47.210 --> 01:01:49.000
then you just have to
go ahead and do it.

01:01:49.000 --> 01:01:52.646
You need to go ahead
and do treatment.

01:01:52.646 --> 01:01:54.622
I let the guys do it.

01:01:54.622 --> 01:01:56.110
Yeah?

01:01:56.110 --> 01:01:58.990
Clearly, in a Correctional
Institution like this,

01:01:58.990 --> 01:02:03.820
there are a lot of different
dynamics that go on.

01:02:03.820 --> 01:02:05.580
I think we just had
to sit back patiently

01:02:05.580 --> 01:02:08.760
and hope that all of that
would settle down to a point

01:02:08.760 --> 01:02:10.230
where we could
come back in again.

01:02:13.998 --> 01:02:17.030
Little privacy in the toilet.

01:02:17.030 --> 01:02:20.660
Dr. Cavanaugh seized
the opportunity,

01:02:20.660 --> 01:02:21.980
and here we are today.

01:02:21.980 --> 01:02:24.836
So that's great.

01:02:24.836 --> 01:02:27.252
I'm thankful for the practice.

01:02:27.252 --> 01:02:27.752
Yeah.

01:02:27.752 --> 01:02:29.210
Yeah, we're keeping it up.

01:02:29.210 --> 01:02:29.995
Me and the other guys,
we're keeping it up.

01:02:29.995 --> 01:02:30.900
That's what we hear.

01:02:30.900 --> 01:02:31.524
We get letters.

01:02:31.524 --> 01:02:34.870
The case that I'm in here on,
the murder that I committed,

01:02:34.870 --> 01:02:39.020
occurred on January 12.

01:02:39.020 --> 01:02:41.430
Vipassana a way of
being able to look.

01:02:41.430 --> 01:02:43.810
You know, I look a lot
at the victim's family.

01:02:43.810 --> 01:02:48.020
I look a lot at, what do they
experience this time of year.

01:02:48.020 --> 01:02:52.410
Because, you know, they've
got a loved one that's

01:02:52.410 --> 01:02:55.150
not present on account of me.

01:02:55.150 --> 01:02:57.100
Pain's a fact.

01:02:57.100 --> 01:02:59.460
It's going to be.

01:02:59.460 --> 01:03:04.060
Hit me 25 years on it, day for
day, and the pain of that's

01:03:04.060 --> 01:03:05.530
with me daily.

01:03:05.530 --> 01:03:06.900
I can't get around it.

01:03:06.900 --> 01:03:08.600
I try to shake it.

01:03:08.600 --> 01:03:12.080
I try to do everything
I know to do.

01:03:12.080 --> 01:03:15.990
It's true that, when you
start to practice Vipassana,

01:03:15.990 --> 01:03:18.230
you can't hide anymore.

01:03:18.230 --> 01:03:20.140
And some people think,
oh, just because I'm

01:03:20.140 --> 01:03:23.270
doing a 10-day course that
the negativity comes up

01:03:23.270 --> 01:03:26.190
and it passes away,
but really, this

01:03:26.190 --> 01:03:27.880
is the long course of life.

01:03:27.880 --> 01:03:28.527
You know?

01:03:28.527 --> 01:03:29.610
This is a lifelong effort.

01:03:33.550 --> 01:03:38.170
I got life without
parole, and there's

01:03:38.170 --> 01:03:40.510
a strong possibility
that may not ever

01:03:40.510 --> 01:03:42.190
get out of the penitentiary.

01:03:42.190 --> 01:03:46.720
But in all the time I
was in the penitentiary,

01:03:46.720 --> 01:03:48.240
I was seeking to escape.

01:03:48.240 --> 01:03:50.190
I was real violent.

01:03:50.190 --> 01:03:54.590
You know, my life's
in constant turmoil.

01:03:54.590 --> 01:03:57.024
I need this.

01:03:57.024 --> 01:03:58.940
Because at a certain
amount of time, you know,

01:03:58.940 --> 01:04:00.790
frustration builds up.

01:04:00.790 --> 01:04:02.580
And this is like a
break from everything.

01:04:02.580 --> 01:04:04.130
This is like freedom.

01:04:04.130 --> 01:04:05.680
You know, like, it's
setting me free.

01:04:05.680 --> 01:04:08.820
You know, so I appreciate
you all coming.

01:04:11.450 --> 01:04:13.550
To me, it's probably
the greatest thing

01:04:13.550 --> 01:04:16.560
I've ever done since
I've been incarcerated,

01:04:16.560 --> 01:04:19.240
and I've been incarcerated
a pretty good while.

01:04:19.240 --> 01:04:21.180
Have you been able to
keep up your practice?

01:04:21.180 --> 01:04:21.730
Yeah.

01:04:21.730 --> 01:04:25.999
I do it late at night,
when it's real quiet.

01:04:25.999 --> 01:04:27.790
That's one of the
problems we have in here.

01:04:27.790 --> 01:04:30.080
There are so many
people in here,

01:04:30.080 --> 01:04:33.080
it's hard to find the
time, or the place where

01:04:33.080 --> 01:04:34.400
you have relative quiet.

01:04:38.530 --> 01:04:40.630
I practice on and off.

01:04:40.630 --> 01:04:43.356
You know, it's been
a real struggle,

01:04:43.356 --> 01:04:46.230
you know, me being
in the blocks.

01:04:46.230 --> 01:04:52.910
And then there's a lot
goes on within the system.

01:04:52.910 --> 01:04:58.890
And sometimes, I'm kind of
caught up in the mix of it.

01:04:58.890 --> 01:05:01.234
I've been knowing
[INAUDIBLE] a long time.

01:05:01.234 --> 01:05:02.650
There's just certain
things that's

01:05:02.650 --> 01:05:05.490
in [INAUDIBLE] that are
not going to leave him,

01:05:05.490 --> 01:05:07.050
but he's a changed person.

01:05:07.050 --> 01:05:08.160
Totally changed person.

01:05:08.160 --> 01:05:10.360
Because right about now,
usually, [INAUDIBLE]

01:05:10.360 --> 01:05:12.756
would be locked up in
segregation somewhere.

01:05:12.756 --> 01:05:15.140
You know, doing time
in seg for something

01:05:15.140 --> 01:05:18.350
that he-- some
rule or regulation

01:05:18.350 --> 01:05:21.380
that he has violated.

01:05:21.380 --> 01:05:25.480
Since I did the 10 days, you
know, it helped me a lot.

01:05:25.480 --> 01:05:28.790
It humbled me a lot,
you know, and helped

01:05:28.790 --> 01:05:33.650
me to deal with situations
better than I used to,

01:05:33.650 --> 01:05:38.540
and like I said,
I'm thankful for it,

01:05:38.540 --> 01:05:43.160
and hopefully the one day we
can get it within the prison

01:05:43.160 --> 01:05:45.032
system, because I
feel it'll be a help

01:05:45.032 --> 01:05:47.850
for a lot of
individuals, you know,

01:05:47.850 --> 01:05:50.660
and then, by the
system being bound

01:05:50.660 --> 01:05:53.330
with a lot of
younger guys, I feel

01:05:53.330 --> 01:05:55.550
they need something like this.

01:05:55.550 --> 01:05:56.650
You know?

01:05:56.650 --> 01:05:59.700
And I wish I could've
gotten a hold of Vipassana

01:05:59.700 --> 01:06:06.900
in my early years, than now,
but now's still a big help.

01:06:06.900 --> 01:06:08.970
I've seen drastic changes.

01:06:08.970 --> 01:06:13.650
Rick handles things
far more better.

01:06:13.650 --> 01:06:16.730
I can say we were kind
of on the same page.

01:06:16.730 --> 01:06:19.470
I act just as manic
sometimes as he does,

01:06:19.470 --> 01:06:21.020
but he's way ahead
of me, and I've

01:06:21.020 --> 01:06:26.510
got to catch up when it comes
to handling certain situations.

01:06:26.510 --> 01:06:33.050
Grady, nowhere near as
angry as he used to be.

01:06:33.050 --> 01:06:36.070
The guy asked me, he said,
uh, you getting a visit today?

01:06:36.070 --> 01:06:38.730
Well, today's not visiting day.

01:06:38.730 --> 01:06:41.130
I said, yeah, I'm
getting a visit today.

01:06:41.130 --> 01:06:42.980
I hadn't had a visit
in three years.

01:06:42.980 --> 01:06:45.511
You all coming back
is a visit to me.

01:06:45.511 --> 01:06:47.400
You know?

01:06:47.400 --> 01:06:47.910
I'm glad.

01:06:47.910 --> 01:06:50.570
I'm happy.

01:06:50.570 --> 01:06:51.970
And don't work me too hard.

01:06:55.070 --> 01:06:58.260
You gotta work yourself out.

01:06:58.260 --> 01:07:02.680
They had a newscast on, and
the guys sitting around the TV

01:07:02.680 --> 01:07:05.230
said-- one day, we
were listening to it

01:07:05.230 --> 01:07:08.090
and they said, Grady,
that's your daughter they're

01:07:08.090 --> 01:07:11.050
talking about.

01:07:11.050 --> 01:07:13.671
And one of the guys that was
getting the Mobile paper,

01:07:13.671 --> 01:07:14.920
there was an article in there.

01:07:14.920 --> 01:07:18.140
Sure enough, it was my daughter.

01:07:18.140 --> 01:07:20.012
And she had been murdered.

01:07:20.012 --> 01:07:20.970
That's how I found out.

01:07:20.970 --> 01:07:22.350
I read it in the paper.

01:07:25.230 --> 01:07:28.250
My first reaction was,
boy if I could just

01:07:28.250 --> 01:07:29.600
get my hands on this cat.

01:07:32.350 --> 01:07:35.330
But that only lasted
a few minutes,

01:07:35.330 --> 01:07:38.210
and it's like, what are
you talking about, Grady?

01:07:38.210 --> 01:07:41.030
I can't feel that way.

01:07:41.030 --> 01:07:43.080
I don't like
anything that he did.

01:07:43.080 --> 01:07:43.910
I don't.

01:07:43.910 --> 01:07:45.610
I don't.

01:07:45.610 --> 01:07:48.250
It makes me physically
ill to think about what

01:07:48.250 --> 01:07:49.411
my daughter went through.

01:07:52.300 --> 01:07:54.620
But I've got to
still love the guy.

01:07:54.620 --> 01:07:57.660
He's still a human, just
like the rest of us.

01:07:57.660 --> 01:07:59.120
I don't like what he did.

01:07:59.120 --> 01:08:03.390
I hope he can't ever do that
to anybody else ever again,

01:08:03.390 --> 01:08:06.400
but he's a human being.

01:08:06.400 --> 01:08:08.290
And if I believe
anything about what

01:08:08.290 --> 01:08:12.270
I've said that I believe
in, then I love him too.

01:08:15.540 --> 01:08:17.279
It's a choice.

01:08:17.279 --> 01:08:21.240
Vipassana gave me the right
to make my own choice.

01:08:21.240 --> 01:08:23.340
I can choose how I
want to react to this.

01:08:23.340 --> 01:08:24.500
I don't have to just react.

01:08:27.086 --> 01:08:28.960
I can't even tell you
how much that surprises

01:08:28.960 --> 01:08:31.729
me that Grady Bankhead can
sit here and tell you he

01:08:31.729 --> 01:08:36.210
actually did that, because
that doesn't sound anything

01:08:36.210 --> 01:08:39.260
like the Grady Bankhead I
have known for 50 years.

01:08:41.941 --> 01:08:43.649
When you actually work
with human beings,

01:08:43.649 --> 01:08:46.800
you realize that every
person-- every person--

01:08:46.800 --> 01:08:49.170
is more than the worst
thing they've ever done.

01:08:49.170 --> 01:08:51.680
I mean, I think if you take
someone who tells a lie,

01:08:51.680 --> 01:08:52.819
they're not just a liar.

01:08:52.819 --> 01:08:54.700
If you take something that
doesn't belong to you,

01:08:54.700 --> 01:08:55.699
you're not just a thief.

01:08:55.699 --> 01:09:00.560
Even if you kill someone,
you're not just a killer.

01:09:00.560 --> 01:09:03.260
These are folks who
have just been ignored,

01:09:03.260 --> 01:09:06.189
and are desperate, hungry
for someone to help

01:09:06.189 --> 01:09:07.809
them find a better way to cope.

01:09:11.274 --> 01:09:14.649
You know, I think it's just
important that you know this.

01:09:14.649 --> 01:09:20.180
That, while I understand
that life in this place

01:09:20.180 --> 01:09:22.840
is sometimes hell-- this
is a very difficult place

01:09:22.840 --> 01:09:26.460
to live-- that there are
people on the outside who

01:09:26.460 --> 01:09:30.649
have tremendous compassion, and
love, and support for you guys

01:09:30.649 --> 01:09:32.548
doing the work that you do.

01:09:38.479 --> 01:09:40.899
You know how I look
at this program?

01:09:40.899 --> 01:09:42.790
I look at this program
as an individual

01:09:42.790 --> 01:09:45.099
going into lock up,
but in a good way.

01:09:47.859 --> 01:09:52.029
In an environment like this,
these 18 guys we got out here

01:09:52.029 --> 01:09:54.620
now, they're getting away
from the hostile environment

01:09:54.620 --> 01:10:01.100
for a while, thinking
about other things.

01:10:01.100 --> 01:10:03.730
You know, stress free.

01:10:03.730 --> 01:10:06.200
Don't even worry about
getting in trouble, or nothing

01:10:06.200 --> 01:10:08.200
that can get them in trouble.

01:10:11.170 --> 01:10:14.600
Donaldson is a crazy place.

01:10:14.600 --> 01:10:17.320
The past two weeks
are evidence of that.

01:10:17.320 --> 01:10:20.449
Somebody got killed on
the first of the year,

01:10:20.449 --> 01:10:23.530
and the proceeding
week before that,

01:10:23.530 --> 01:10:25.920
there'd been so many stabbings.

01:10:25.920 --> 01:10:27.420
Thankfully, none
of them were fatal.

01:10:31.290 --> 01:10:37.470
We feel as though, in so
many ways, we were let down,

01:10:37.470 --> 01:10:40.134
because we're not allowed
to practice freely.

01:10:43.440 --> 01:10:50.440
We're hopeful that this
course here is a good sign,

01:10:50.440 --> 01:10:51.832
but we still don't know.

01:10:51.832 --> 01:10:57.316
[CHIMING]

01:10:57.316 --> 01:11:02.830
I think this institution could
gain a lot from the course.

01:11:02.830 --> 01:11:06.560
If there were, say,
100 more people walking

01:11:06.560 --> 01:11:11.642
around who have the mindsets of
my Dhamma brothers out there,

01:11:11.642 --> 01:11:13.634
it would make a heck
of a difference.

01:11:16.622 --> 01:13:06.210
[MUSIC PLAYING]

01:13:06.210 --> 01:13:06.910
See.

01:13:06.910 --> 01:13:09.650
I, not too long ago,
has just come out

01:13:09.650 --> 01:13:11.760
of a week-long
sitting with myself.

01:13:11.760 --> 01:13:13.260
It felt different.

01:13:13.260 --> 01:13:14.810
Don't get me wrong.

01:13:14.810 --> 01:13:17.670
It felt good to
practice Vipassana.

01:13:17.670 --> 01:13:20.710
It's not being able to share
the experience with someone

01:13:20.710 --> 01:13:21.680
who would understand.

01:13:21.680 --> 01:13:24.210
[INAUDIBLE]

01:13:24.210 --> 01:13:25.780
These people don't know.

01:13:25.780 --> 01:13:27.210
And I'll be trying.

01:13:27.210 --> 01:13:28.640
Trying to enlighten them.

01:13:28.640 --> 01:13:32.332
But as soon as I mention
Buddha and [INAUDIBLE]--

01:13:32.332 --> 01:13:33.480
you scratched that out.

01:13:33.480 --> 01:13:37.000
Why'd you scratch that
out-- They get spooked.

01:13:37.000 --> 01:13:40.630
As if I'm trying to change
their minds or belief

01:13:40.630 --> 01:13:41.970
toward their religions.

01:13:41.970 --> 01:13:45.860
However, some, or rather, a
great deal of these people,

01:13:45.860 --> 01:13:49.430
have noticed the tremendous
change I have made in my life.

01:13:49.430 --> 01:13:52.370
What they didn't know
was about the technique

01:13:52.370 --> 01:13:55.690
which helped me to find my way.

01:13:55.690 --> 01:13:58.470
It's a struggle, I
must say, but it's

01:13:58.470 --> 01:14:00.960
a struggle that is worth
every bit of energy

01:14:00.960 --> 01:14:02.154
I have in my soul.

01:14:09.990 --> 01:14:11.890
Dear Jenny.

01:14:11.890 --> 01:14:14.060
During a small
group sitting today,

01:14:14.060 --> 01:14:17.900
something very heavy and
cold landed on my arm.

01:14:17.900 --> 01:14:21.000
I opened my eyes in
surprise, and got even more

01:14:21.000 --> 01:14:23.690
surprised to discover
that the culprit was

01:14:23.690 --> 01:14:27.000
a regular looking fly.

01:14:27.000 --> 01:14:31.360
It continued to crawl across
my bald head, face, and arms

01:14:31.360 --> 01:14:34.340
throughout the sitting,
and I was totally amazed

01:14:34.340 --> 01:14:37.230
at how heavy it seemed to be.

01:14:37.230 --> 01:14:39.810
To myself, I named
the different body

01:14:39.810 --> 01:14:42.170
sensations I was experiencing.

01:14:42.170 --> 01:14:45.430
Heat sensations,
sound sensations,

01:14:45.430 --> 01:14:51.180
fly sensations, which were very
new to me, and several more.

01:14:51.180 --> 01:14:54.040
Immediately after
the sitting, everyone

01:14:54.040 --> 01:14:57.540
started complaining at the
same time about the fly.

01:14:57.540 --> 01:15:01.770
As it turns out, one fly had
terrorised eight hardened

01:15:01.770 --> 01:15:05.470
prisoners for a whole hour.

01:15:05.470 --> 01:15:07.580
Even though we
didn't kill it, we

01:15:07.580 --> 01:15:11.760
spoke of several things
that could be done to it.

01:15:11.760 --> 01:15:16.020
We then started wondering about
how a fly lands on the ceiling.

01:15:16.020 --> 01:15:17.910
Have you ever looked
up on the ceiling

01:15:17.910 --> 01:15:21.120
and seen a fly
perched upside down?

01:15:21.120 --> 01:15:23.890
How did it land there?

01:15:23.890 --> 01:15:27.490
Did it fly upside down
in order to get there?

01:15:27.490 --> 01:15:31.040
We discussed fly issues
for over 10 minutes.

01:15:31.040 --> 01:15:34.410
Afterwards, we began to
question our states of mind

01:15:34.410 --> 01:15:39.610
for wondering so much, and
taking the fly so seriously.

01:15:39.610 --> 01:15:43.970
We still couldn't figure out
how flies land on ceilings.

01:15:43.970 --> 01:15:44.870
Your friend.

01:15:44.870 --> 01:16:02.020
[MUSIC PLAYING]