WEBVTT

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(static hissing)
(gentle otherworldly music)

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(engine humming)
(gentle peaceful music)

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(gentle peaceful music continues)

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(gentle peaceful music continues)

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(gentle peaceful music continues)

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(gentle peaceful music continues)

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(snow pattering)
(wind hissing)

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(phone ringing)

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- [Dad] Yeah, Mike.

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- [Mike] Hey dad, I\'m outside
just filming the snow.

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- [Dad] Okay, well I\'ll be
out, I\'ll have to check it out.

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- [Mike] Okay, sounds
good, see you in a sec.

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- Mm, it\'s cold out.

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- [Mike] It\'s not warm.

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- Mm.

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Yeah.

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Oh. (sniffs)

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So you do a lot of your videos and stuff

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with this camera, huh?

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- Yup, yeah.

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- [Dad] Mm, cool.

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- Yeah.

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(dad chuckles)

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- [Dad] (mutters) From the
old cam quarter days, huh?

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- [Mike] Yeah, yeah,
things changed a bit, huh?

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(dad chuckles)

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- Sounds like you don\'t even remember

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the cam quarter days yourself.

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- [Mike] I don\'t really
remember using those videos

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really at all.
- Yeah, yeah.

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- Yeah.
- Yeah,

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things got strange after that.

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(gentle otherworldly music)

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(gentle otherworldly music continues)

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(quiet chatter)

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- [Dad] March 26, a snow storm.

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- He doesn\'t wanna be bothered right now.

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He\'s trying to go skiing. (laughs)

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- [Dad] Is he, oh.

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With a bottle in his--
- (laughing) Yeah.

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Look at daddy, Mike. (laughs)

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- [Dad] Little snow, we weren\'t
expecting this, were we?

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- [Mom] No.

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- [Dad] I never had a sense of family

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and your mom and you guys
provided that for me.

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- [Mom] His first load on the dump truck.

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(engine rumbling)
(quiet chattering)

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- I just felt guilty that I couldn\'t

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provide for the family
for a longterm basis.

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I knew I was crashing and that
scared the piss out of me.

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(shuffle thumping)
(gentle otherworldly music)

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We\'re the peanut gallery up here.

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- [Mom] Yeah.

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- The peanut gallery
with wrench and hammer,

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what are we gonna do, Mike?

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- Build a house.

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- [Mom] Build a house.

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- Build a house.

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- Mom, I\'m bike riding!
- Mikey and I

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are building a house.

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(tool clattering)
(gentle quiet music)

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(gentle quiet music)

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(phone rings)

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Oh, there\'s Jackie.

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(pair laughs)
(phone ringing)

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I haven\'t talked to her for a long time.

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Oh, hi.

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- [Jackie] Hi, how you doing?

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- Okay, I\'m here with Mike. (laughs)

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- Is Michael there? (laughs)
- Hey mom.

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- [Jackie] Doing some filming are ya?

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- Yeah.
- Yeah, for some reason,

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he wants to film me.

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I don\'t understand it. (laughs)

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(Jackie laughing)

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- [Jackie] Better you than me. (laughs)

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- (laughs) Yeah.

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Oh Jesus.

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- [Jackie] You know I\'m retiring in March.

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- [Dad] Oh, good for you.

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You deserve it.

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Spend all your time gardening

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and taking care of stuff at home.

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I\'m happy for ya.

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- [Jackie] Yeah.

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Okay, well take it easy.

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- [Mike] All right, love you, mom.

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- [Jackie] Love you too, guys, bye bye.

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- Bye.
- Bye bye.

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- [Mike] (grunts) You squirm.

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- Still miss her. (laughs)

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- [Mike] Yeah.

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(gentle quiet music)
(snow pattering)

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(gentle quiet music continues)

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(plastic rustles)
(gentle quiet music)

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(saw buzzing)
(gentle quiet music)

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(saw continues buzzing)
(quiet music)

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(windshield wipers thump)
(gentle quiet music)

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(gentle quiet music continues)

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(gentle quiet music continues)

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(shuffling footsteps)
(gentle quiet music)

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(thumping footsteps)
(gentle quiet music)

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(bags crackling)
(gentle quiet music)

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(thumping footsteps)

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Yeah, wanna scratch with me?

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Wanna scratch?

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You wanna scratch?

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Oh, there you go.

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There you go.

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- [Dad] You got the touch, Mike.

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- (laughs) Here you are.

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Oh, there you go.

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- Oh kitty.
- Oh sweet fur ball.

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(Mike grunts)

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- You sure like purring, don\'t ya?

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Well I have a feeling you\'re
probably never gonna come back

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for any length of time.

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- You have a feeling that I\'m not?

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- Yeah, well you can\'t
make any money here.

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- Yeah.

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- Unless you wanna sell
trinkets on the corner.

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(Mike laughs)

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Front Street and Higgins.
(Mike laughs)

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- Yeah, yup.

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Yeah well--
(Dad grumbles)

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I\'ll maximize my time here
while I have it with you.

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- (grumbles) Well that\'s good.

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That\'s different.

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- Different, yeah. (laughs)

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(engine stuttering)

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- Hm.

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This is where the fresh gas
is, get rid of the heat.

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It sucks the heat out of
the air inside the cabin.

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Physics and all that bullshit.

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(dad grunts)
(tools clanking)

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(tools clanking)

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Eh, come on.
(tools clanking)

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Ah, I just don\'t know if the
piece is worth a shit anymore,

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tell you the truth.

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(dad grunting)
(tool clinking)

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You know, if I had money, I
wouldn\'t even bother with it.

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I don\'t, so I can\'t complain.

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(engine stuttering)

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(gentle quiet music)
(engine stuttering)

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(gentle quiet music)

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(shovel clanking)
(gentle quiet music)

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Gonna what, Mike?

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- Gonna go and see mommy right
here, see mommy right here.

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- [Mom] Yeah, what are you gonna do then?

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- Gonna put it in the
wheelbarrow, daddy\'s wheelbarrow.

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- [Mom] Put it in daddy\'s wheelbarrow?

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(Mike chattering)
(gentle quiet music)

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(film reel rattling)
(gentle quiet music)

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(film reel rattling)
(quiet music continues)

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- Well, probably at 12, you know,

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my father started abusing me.

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He was gonna make me tough.

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I was too sensitive.

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So that made me ripe for drugs.

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(gentle quiet music)

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I\'m still dealing with that.

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Got my bother\'s voice,
I got my mom\'s voice,

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I got my father\'s voice.

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You know, and I haven\'t
had to deal with them

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in how many millennia, you know?

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(sighs) But it\'s still there.

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It\'s just still in the core.

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(children chattering)
(gentle quiet music)

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(film reel rattles)
(gentle quiet music)

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And you say we\'ll get back to um,

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saying how I felt with
your birth, and you know,

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Carrie was three years
prior to your birth,

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and some of that was most
proudest time of my life.

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(sighs) But deep down,

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I knew I couldn\'t hold on to it.

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I was scared, pissed me off.

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Why can\'t I just, (sighs)
have these things, you know?

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Why do I have to keep
on suffering? (sighs)

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But you know, you\'ve seen
the videos and stuff.

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That didn\'t come from somebody

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that wasn\'t proud of you guys.

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Wanting to hold on to
a lot of it comes from

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I wanted to have some kind of record

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because I knew it wouldn\'t last.

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I knew it would last.

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- Uh--
- Wow.

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(Mike chattering)

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Boy, couldn\'t even catch
that guy, he was going fast.

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Is that how fast you ski, Mike?

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- No, we\'re skiing slow.

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- [Dad] Yeah, that\'s right.

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(ski lift whirring)
(buzzing)

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(skis swishing)

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Good job at turning there, Mike.

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(Mike yells enthusiastically)

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- [Dad] Okay!

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Am I in your way, Mike?

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(skis swishing)
(Mike grunts and laughs)

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(skis swishing)

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- (labored breathing) Hard
to be a cinematographer

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on this mountian, huh?

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- [Mike] Yeah. (laughs)

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(wind hissing)

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- It was just hard for
me to get out by myself.

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- Yeah.
- You know,

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I know it\'s a cop out,
I know, but, (sniffs)

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but it\'s always nice here

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to be able to share it
with somebody. (sniffs)

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And that I appreciate.

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(snow crunching)

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Couldn\'t think of anybody better than you.

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(snow crunching)
(gentle quiet music)

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(wind hissing)
(gentle quiet music)

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(rain pattering)
(gentle quiet music)

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(rain pattering)
(quiet music continues)

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- [Mike] Did it feel like a
lot of pressure having kids?

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- [Dad] The pressure was coming from work.

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(gentle quiet music)

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You know, my dyslexia and my
self esteem was so trashed,

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I just couldn\'t keep goin\'.

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(gentle quiet music)

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When you don\'t have to subject
yourself to a workplace,

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where you feel totally in--

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- [Mike] Inadequate?

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- [Dad] Inadequate, yeah,
that\'s the word I\'m looking for.

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- I\'m not gonna go in there after you.

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(Mike squeals)
- Oh.

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- [Mike] Is there anything
that\'s helped you feel

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more confident about your intellect?

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- [Dad] Oh God, talking with you.

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And letting go.

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(gentle quiet music)

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- [Mike] That\'s that.

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- [Dad] Good.

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(door clatters)

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- [Mike] All right, I\'ll
see ya when I see ya.

00:16:41.391 --> 00:16:42.684
(dad grunts)
(clapping backs)

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- [Dad] Oh, you\'d better
get out there. (sighs)

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- [Mike] All right, see ya, pops.

00:16:49.237 --> 00:16:51.648
- [Dad] We\'ll see you, Mike.

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(gentle quiet music)

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(gentle quiet music continues)

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(gentle quiet music continues)

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(gentle quiet music continues)

00:17:30.794 --> 00:17:33.961
(chair lift rattling)

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(chair lift continues rattling)

00:17:51.948 --> 00:17:55.281
(gentle peaceful music)

00:18:01.821 --> 00:18:05.988
(gentle peaceful music continues)

00:18:11.814 --> 00:18:15.981
(gentle peaceful music continues)

00:18:21.840 --> 00:18:26.090
(gentle peaceful music continues)