Julia Scotti: Funny That Way

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In the comedy boom of the 80’s Rick Scotti was in high demand—headlining in clubs across the country, on bills with Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld—when he came to the dawning realization that nothing felt right. At a time when the words gender dysphoria and gender reassignment surgery were rarely heard, Rick’s true awakening led to a new identity as Julia Scotti. And then the doors shut tight. Everyone turned away—former wives, friends, comedy world buddies, and most painfully, Julia was shut out from any contact with her children. She reinvented herself, spent a decade teaching, and then stepped back on stage to begin her journey back to comedy. In that same period, her children reached out to her after 15 years of separation. Shot over a period of five years, JULIA SCOTTI: FUNNY THAT WAY tracks Julia’s triumphant comeback, the complex process of reuniting with her children, and the way that comedy becomes a shared language of identity, healing and joy.

“Julia Scotti: Funny That Way is, in my opinion, one of the most empathetic, emotionally engaging and joyful depictions of identity diversity and gender reassignment issues yet seen in films.” —Prof. John Canemaker, Academy Award Winner, Head of Animation, New York University Tisch School of the Arts

“This timely and deeply joyful film speaks to the opening of doors, realization of change and revelation across the threshold of social, developmental and psychological growth in the adult years. A lively, emotionally rewarding film that will enrich a wide range of curriculum.” —Dr. Mary Alice Wolf, Professor Emeritus of Human Development and Gerontology, University of St. Joseph

"While comedian documentaries often blend in the typical struggle of telling jokes on stage that impacts those around them, for Julia, the stage serves as a safe place to come out and to explore, leading only to more positive relationships. An unexpected journey and comeback story unlike any other, Julia Scotti: Funny That Way is a welcome story in 2020." —Melanie Addington, Hammer to Nail

PRIDE MONTH PICK "A strong addition to queer-oriented shelves." —Video Librarian

"[T]he remarkable rise and return of 'the crazy old lady of comedy.'" —The Advocate

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED "[R]efreshingly honest and moving" —Susan Wloszczyna, Alliance of Female Film Journalists

"A must see!" —Indiewire

“Julia Scotti: Funny That Way is in its own way a tiny epic. It has a quest, tests of foundational beliefs, demons to be fought, transformations, and a hero to root for. Like any classic epic, it’s virtually impossible not to be drawn in, moved, and come to care deeply for the hero. And, at times, you’ll laugh yourself silly.” —Christopher Byrne, Gay City News

“Whether she is on a stand-up stage, speaking with families of LGBTQIA members, or just hanging at home with her family, Scotti's passion for performance and healing with humor pervades every scene.” —Rob Rector, Film Threat

“A triumph not only for the comedian herself, but for audiences who need to hear from trans people about their own lived experiences and who, not incidentally, need a good laugh.” —Kilian Melloy, Edge Media Network

“Julia Scotti: Funny That Way is highly recommended on the level of this is going to be one of your most cherished films of the year" —Steve Kopian, Unseen Films

“When you perform with such honesty and heart, you can make everyone laugh because they connect with you. Susan Sandler’s new documentary, Julia Scotti: Funny That Way, gives the comic the chance to explore her own history and share it with us.” —Joey Moser, Awards Daily

“Laughter is a powerful way to disarm, break down barriers, and potentially make people question their own prejudices, so it’s heartening to see the warm reception that Julia receives as she tours mainstream comedy venues, often in conservative regions..." —James Kleinmann, The Queer Review

“[Scotti’s] willingness to use those gifts as a means to open eyes and minds to the experience of trans people, and Sandler crafts her movie to highlight that aspect of Scotti’s persona, creating a portrait of someone who has transcended personal struggles to become a beacon for empathy and understanding – without losing her sense of humor in the process." —John Paul King, Washington Blade

“A funny, charming and at times emotional story of a woman and her family, this documentary is an honest and incredibly approachable addition to the ever expanding genre of queer, and more specifically, trans cinema" —Hamish Calvert, Jumpcut Online

“Really well made and thoughtful look at a woman who’s putting herself front and centre, who’s opening herself up to hate and criticism for who she is, all in the pursuit of bringing people joy and laughter” —Amy Walker, Set The Tape

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Keywords

Julia Scotti; Rick Scotti; gender dysphoria; gender reassignment surgery; standup comedy; comedy; Diversity,Equity & Inclusion,LGBTQ+,Women,Gender & Sexuality Studies,Artistic Expression & Performance Studies,Children,Youth & Families,Aging,Film,Journalism,Media Studies,Biographies; "Julia Scotti: Funny That Way"; GOOD DOCS

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In the great scheme of things,

00:00:10.477 --> 00:00:14.414
new planets being discovered,
global warming and the like,

00:00:14.414 --> 00:00:16.816
I suppose my story
doesn\'t amount to much.

00:00:17.917 --> 00:00:19.652
Just a baby born male...

00:00:24.290 --> 00:00:26.693
who never felt quite right...

00:00:35.769 --> 00:00:37.570
who marries several times...

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sires children...

00:00:47.714 --> 00:00:48.748
Happy birthday!

00:00:48.748 --> 00:00:50.216
Daddy!

00:00:50.216 --> 00:00:51.785
Wow! What was that?

00:00:51.785 --> 00:00:52.619
What?

00:00:52.619 --> 00:00:53.486
That \"Daddy!\"

00:00:54.654 --> 00:00:55.622
Where is he?

00:01:00.627 --> 00:01:02.295
Builds a career in
show business...

00:01:08.701 --> 00:01:11.538
and finally decides
in his late 40s

00:01:11.538 --> 00:01:13.540
that something is
terribly wrong...

00:01:21.714 --> 00:01:24.684
and throws it all away
to change his gender

00:01:24.684 --> 00:01:26.653
and begin life again at age 50.

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It isn\'t much to speak
of, but it is my life,

00:01:36.896 --> 00:01:39.098
and it is important to me.

00:01:39.098 --> 00:01:41.835
And while no one really
cares much, I suspect,

00:01:42.936 --> 00:01:44.771
I\'ve been told by enough people

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that it might make
an interesting story.

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Most of all this is for
me, for my selfish needs,

00:01:50.777 --> 00:01:55.148
for me, a me that didn\'t
exist for nearly 50 years.

00:01:55.148 --> 00:01:57.817
But my hope is that maybe
my children will understand

00:01:57.817 --> 00:02:00.253
why I had to do the terrible
thing I did to them.

00:02:01.287 --> 00:02:02.288
Hold it like that.

00:02:03.790 --> 00:02:06.726
Or that somewhere,
some poor, confused kid

00:02:06.726 --> 00:02:11.064
might stop contemplating
painless ways to die

00:02:11.064 --> 00:02:14.734
to escape the pain that lies
not so vaguely in the shadows.

00:02:17.837 --> 00:02:19.839
I am, as my shrink put it,

00:02:19.839 --> 00:02:22.308
a woman of transgendered
experience,

00:02:22.308 --> 00:02:27.080
a transsexual, a tranny,
a he/she, an it, a freak,

00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:30.250
a sinner, a
god-slapper, a betrayer,

00:02:31.351 --> 00:02:34.420
a self-loathing murderer
of my former self.

00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:44.163
To the American Psychiatric
Association\'s DSM-IV,

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I am mental illness.

00:02:46.466 --> 00:02:49.502
Because of what I
am, I am an outsider.

00:02:49.502 --> 00:02:51.604
I straddle both the gay
and straight worlds,

00:02:51.604 --> 00:02:53.773
floating somewhere in the middle

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and unable to be
a part of either.

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I\'m all those things to them.

00:03:00.079 --> 00:03:02.615
To me, I am a
survivor who was lost

00:03:02.615 --> 00:03:06.085
in the wilderness of
politics and stereotypes

00:03:06.085 --> 00:03:09.322
and who now resounds with
joy each day of her life.

00:03:10.523 --> 00:03:12.091
I celebrate every
moment of my life,

00:03:12.091 --> 00:03:14.861
and I treasure every ounce
of femininity within me.

00:03:15.728 --> 00:03:17.463
I both bless and curse the day

00:03:17.463 --> 00:03:20.066
I became aware of
who and what I was.

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If you\'re a halfway
decent comedian,

00:03:38.952 --> 00:03:41.654
you spend most of your
life living in your car.

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This is my car. This
is my second home.

00:03:45.391 --> 00:03:48.294
Some people have a place in
the Poconos. I live in my car.

00:03:50.330 --> 00:03:53.166
And a lot of times I\'ll
drive instead of flying,

00:03:53.166 --> 00:03:56.169
because you want your
creature comforts.

00:03:56.169 --> 00:03:58.905
I always have my coffee,
and my cigarettes,

00:03:58.905 --> 00:04:00.406
you can smoke in there.

00:04:00.406 --> 00:04:02.842
Got my radio. Life is good.

00:04:02.842 --> 00:04:05.812
You spend a lot of
time alone on the road,

00:04:05.812 --> 00:04:08.881
and you get kind of
squirrelly after a while.

00:04:08.881 --> 00:04:10.984
If you see me driving
down the highway

00:04:10.984 --> 00:04:13.620
after about six or seven
hours, there will come a point

00:04:13.620 --> 00:04:16.456
where I will just
start screaming for
no apparent reason.

00:04:17.323 --> 00:04:20.493
And it\'s very cathartic.

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It\'s a little bizarre
to see from another car,

00:04:23.596 --> 00:04:25.898
but it makes me feel good.

00:04:28.901 --> 00:04:33.573
So I\'m giving a talk tonight
at a chapter of PFLAG,

00:04:33.573 --> 00:04:35.875
Parents and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays.

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I\'m kinda excited about this,

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because there\'s a lot of
fear out there right now,

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a lot of fear, especially
in the LGBT community.

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I can speak to groups like this

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and just sort of talk to them

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and tell them what
my life has been like

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and that there is hope,
whether they believe it or not.

00:04:52.492 --> 00:04:56.129
This is parents and friends
and I\'m hoping some people

00:04:56.129 --> 00:04:59.065
who are also lesbian,
gay and transgendered,

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so that would be kind of cool.

00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:02.268
I\'m a little nervous actually

00:05:02.268 --> 00:05:04.137
\'cause I\'ve never
done this before.

00:05:04.137 --> 00:05:07.974
But they\'re my people,
so I think we\'ll be okay.

00:05:10.009 --> 00:05:12.145
Arrived.

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Says you.

00:05:16.916 --> 00:05:17.750
Ta-da!

00:05:18.885 --> 00:05:20.853
Safe and sound. I love my car.

00:05:22.355 --> 00:05:23.456
Thanks, old girl.

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Pull right into the
handicapped spot, \'cause I can!

00:05:30.897 --> 00:05:31.898
All right.

00:05:31.898 --> 00:05:32.932
Let\'s go make \'em laugh.

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Thank you so much for coming.

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We\'re in for a wonderful treat

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with storytelling by Julia
Scotti about her life.

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Hey, listen, if I
look familiar to you,

00:05:43.242 --> 00:05:45.812
it\'s probably \'cause you got
an uncle that looks like me.

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It\'s true. That\'s gonna
be my job in life, right?

00:05:48.681 --> 00:05:49.882
You say it. It\'s true.

00:05:49.882 --> 00:05:51.951
That\'s my job, I\'m gonna
be that goofy uncle

00:05:51.951 --> 00:05:53.586
that you used to make fun
of when you were a kid.

00:05:54.987 --> 00:05:56.956
You know, that uncle that
goes around at every wedding,

00:05:56.956 --> 00:05:59.058
that guy that goes around
dancing with nobody.

00:05:59.058 --> 00:06:00.393
You know, like...

00:06:02.729 --> 00:06:04.397
I\'m gonna be that guy when
you driving through suburbia

00:06:04.397 --> 00:06:05.865
and you see that guy
working on his yard

00:06:05.865 --> 00:06:07.867
with the crack of his ass
always hanging out of his pants.

00:06:10.770 --> 00:06:13.773
By 1987, I was traveling
all over the country.

00:06:13.773 --> 00:06:15.808
I was a headliner. I
was going to Canada.

00:06:16.843 --> 00:06:19.512
I was living the dream.

00:06:19.512 --> 00:06:21.180
But something was wrong.

00:06:21.180 --> 00:06:23.683
I still didn\'t feel normal.

00:06:23.683 --> 00:06:26.018
Something was gnawing at me.

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I knew I didn\'t feel right.

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I just didn\'t know what it was.

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And so, I thought
maybe I was gay.

00:06:34.460 --> 00:06:36.462
I was married, but I just...

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It just wasn\'t there for me.

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I loved my wife.

00:06:41.434 --> 00:06:43.336
I loved my kids.

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But it just wasn\'t right.

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My marriage broke up, second
time. I was married before.

00:06:48.741 --> 00:06:50.276
Trick or treat.

00:06:50.276 --> 00:06:52.211
Which, in trans world, is
a very common experience,

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multiple marriages, promiscuity.

00:06:55.481 --> 00:06:59.218
It\'s pretty common until
you come to your truth.

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It\'s because we\'re all
looking for that normal.

00:07:01.921 --> 00:07:02.955
That\'s what we want.

00:07:04.090 --> 00:07:05.491
It\'s a stupid word.

00:07:05.491 --> 00:07:07.727
I went out to a gay
bar, and I met this guy,

00:07:07.727 --> 00:07:10.429
and his name was Dave, and
he was a social worker,

00:07:10.429 --> 00:07:13.065
and he was just gorgeous.

00:07:13.065 --> 00:07:14.967
I said, \"Why don\'t you come
over? I\'ll make you dinner.\"

00:07:14.967 --> 00:07:16.736
And he said, \"Okay.\"

00:07:16.736 --> 00:07:19.338
So now I called up my
friend and I said to her,

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I said, \"I\'m gonna
make him dinner.\"

00:07:21.641 --> 00:07:24.377
I was a little goosey. I
was like like 15 years old.

00:07:24.377 --> 00:07:26.512
Oh he\'s coming over!
I\'m so excited!

00:07:26.512 --> 00:07:28.514
But he brought over
two bottles of wine.

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Normal, right? You
want the romance.

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It was almost like I
was gonna be dessert.

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I didn\'t know it at the time.

00:07:36.189 --> 00:07:37.957
It\'s like, if you\'re
ordering from the menu,

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I\'ll have the spaghetti
and meatballs and...

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Rick.

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That was my name at the time.

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Suffice to say, he was
happy when it was over,

00:07:45.531 --> 00:07:48.668
and I was just like I
always was, feeling empty.

00:07:49.836 --> 00:07:51.571
What did I just do?

00:07:52.872 --> 00:07:57.743
Then, soon as he was
finished, he got up and left.

00:07:59.679 --> 00:08:00.780
I know!

00:08:02.648 --> 00:08:06.085
Not only did he leave, he
took a half a bottle of wine

00:08:06.085 --> 00:08:07.053
that was there...

00:08:08.621 --> 00:08:10.189
and the unopened bottle!

00:08:10.189 --> 00:08:12.491
And I yelled at him. I\'m
like, \"You son of a!\"

00:08:13.726 --> 00:08:17.230
I was devastated.
I was devastated.

00:08:17.230 --> 00:08:21.300
I called my friend, and
I was crying, sobbing.

00:08:21.300 --> 00:08:24.136
She came over, and we
talked, and I said,

00:08:24.136 --> 00:08:26.072
\"I really thought
this was gonna be...\"

00:08:27.240 --> 00:08:29.408
And she goes, \"You know,
it doesn\'t sound like

00:08:29.408 --> 00:08:31.110
you want to love another man.

00:08:31.110 --> 00:08:34.981
It sounds like you want
to be loved like a woman.\"

00:08:34.981 --> 00:08:36.549
She said, \"You are a woman.\"

00:08:36.549 --> 00:08:40.486
There was something about the
way she said it that time...

00:08:40.486 --> 00:08:42.321
that it clicked.

00:08:42.321 --> 00:08:44.190
The light went on inside me.

00:08:44.190 --> 00:08:46.592
Everything made sense
all of a sudden.

00:08:46.592 --> 00:08:48.261
I\'m going, \"Oh my
God, I\'m a woman.

00:08:48.261 --> 00:08:49.495
Oh my God, I\'m a woman.\"

00:08:49.495 --> 00:08:51.330
And then I said, \"But
I can\'t be a woman!

00:08:51.330 --> 00:08:53.866
That doesn\'t happen
to people like me.

00:08:53.866 --> 00:08:55.635
That\'s not normal.\"

00:08:55.635 --> 00:08:57.136
Then the other side of me,

00:08:57.136 --> 00:09:00.640
the other part of my brain\'s
going, \"That\'s normal for you.

00:09:00.640 --> 00:09:02.041
That\'s your normal.\"

00:09:02.041 --> 00:09:03.776
And I was married
when I came out.

00:09:03.776 --> 00:09:05.778
Boy, you should have been
there for that conversation.

00:09:07.179 --> 00:09:09.282
I took her to a nice
restaurant out in the open

00:09:09.282 --> 00:09:10.917
\'cause I wanted eyewitnesses.

00:09:12.084 --> 00:09:13.786
And I said to her,
\"Honey, listen.

00:09:13.786 --> 00:09:15.121
There\'s something I
have to tell you.\"

00:09:15.121 --> 00:09:17.256
She goes, \"Is it another woman?\"

00:09:23.496 --> 00:09:25.464
Yeah, kinda. Yeah.

00:09:25.464 --> 00:09:27.033
Then it came to...

00:09:28.367 --> 00:09:29.602
telling my kids.

00:09:31.704 --> 00:09:33.706
I cannot tell you...

00:09:33.706 --> 00:09:36.208
how difficult that was.

00:09:36.208 --> 00:09:38.177
And I...

00:09:38.177 --> 00:09:41.147
It wasn\'t the best of
circumstances that I told them.

00:09:42.548 --> 00:09:46.052
I had been trying to find
the words to get out,

00:09:46.052 --> 00:09:49.021
to say it for a
couple of months.

00:09:49.021 --> 00:09:51.490
But they began to notice
that my nails were growing,

00:09:51.490 --> 00:09:53.426
and I was taking the hormones,

00:09:53.426 --> 00:09:55.361
and they\'d started to
soften my face a little bit,

00:09:55.361 --> 00:09:56.796
so I\'d reached this point

00:09:56.796 --> 00:09:59.532
where I couldn\'t avoid
my truth anymore.

00:09:59.532 --> 00:10:00.733
It was there.

00:10:00.733 --> 00:10:02.969
It was in my face.

00:10:02.969 --> 00:10:05.271
And I was about to
kill their father.

00:10:06.839 --> 00:10:09.241
In a Starbucks of all places.

00:10:09.241 --> 00:10:11.143
I hate Starbucks.

00:10:11.143 --> 00:10:12.878
I sat them both down that night,

00:10:12.878 --> 00:10:15.348
and somehow I got it out,

00:10:15.348 --> 00:10:19.485
and it began a long
period of separation.

00:10:19.485 --> 00:10:20.319
14 years.

00:10:25.324 --> 00:10:26.993
He was 9 when I told him.

00:10:30.730 --> 00:10:31.564
And so, Dan come on up here.

00:10:31.564 --> 00:10:32.932
This is my son, Dan.

00:10:44.777 --> 00:10:45.745
Do you want to sit?

00:10:45.745 --> 00:10:47.279
Let\'s sit.
Yeah.

00:10:47.279 --> 00:10:51.350
I feel like we still haven\'t
landed on what I call you.

00:10:51.350 --> 00:10:53.419
It flip flops.

00:10:53.419 --> 00:10:54.720
I tell people my dad\'s coming,

00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:56.489
and then an old woman
walks into the room,

00:10:56.489 --> 00:10:58.224
and I\'m like, \"Hello, Father!\"

00:10:58.224 --> 00:11:01.227
And it\'s very confusing.

00:11:03.863 --> 00:11:05.931
We were talking
before this started,

00:11:05.931 --> 00:11:07.133
and I was fidgeting in my seat,

00:11:07.133 --> 00:11:09.135
because I was very
nervous to come up here.

00:11:09.135 --> 00:11:12.038
And I was like, \"Well,
Julia is my mom.\"

00:11:12.038 --> 00:11:14.507
And I realized that was
like the first time...

00:11:14.507 --> 00:11:17.643
Wow!
Yeah, I ever said that.

00:11:17.643 --> 00:11:19.979
Oh, I wish I was
there to hear that.

00:11:19.979 --> 00:11:21.347
Well, there you go.

00:11:23.015 --> 00:11:25.785
Would you like me to hold
eye contact? Get one clean?

00:11:25.785 --> 00:11:28.054
No, we got it on tape.
I\'m gonna play that back.

00:11:31.657 --> 00:11:32.491
Oh, man

00:11:32.491 --> 00:11:33.793
Yeah, I mean...

00:11:33.793 --> 00:11:35.895
That made me cry.

00:11:35.895 --> 00:11:37.863
Well, good. That\'ll play well.

00:11:42.568 --> 00:11:45.538
I\'ll admit it. I suck,
suck, suck, suck,

00:11:45.538 --> 00:11:47.273
suckity suck suck, suck-o-rama,

00:11:47.273 --> 00:11:50.209
suck of the month club,
sucked at marriage.

00:11:50.209 --> 00:11:51.477
I really do.

00:11:51.477 --> 00:11:53.012
And I admire people
that can stay together

00:11:53.012 --> 00:11:55.181
for 50 years, 20
years, whatever.

00:11:55.181 --> 00:11:56.782
I think that\'s wonderful.

00:11:56.782 --> 00:11:58.050
See, to me marriage,

00:11:58.050 --> 00:12:00.686
marriage is like an
organ transplant.

00:12:02.221 --> 00:12:03.689
Think about it.

00:12:03.689 --> 00:12:05.724
\'Cause sometimes it works
out just great, right?

00:12:05.724 --> 00:12:08.260
Other times, you gotta
take a whole lot of drugs

00:12:08.260 --> 00:12:09.328
to keep from rejecting it.

00:12:12.331 --> 00:12:15.334
I married really, really
young, and I married...

00:12:16.535 --> 00:12:18.771
for the wrong reason altogether.

00:12:19.772 --> 00:12:22.341
It was doomed from the start.

00:12:22.341 --> 00:12:25.845
It was a lot like the
Titanic\'s maiden voyage,

00:12:25.845 --> 00:12:28.514
although we didn\'t
know it at the time.

00:12:28.514 --> 00:12:31.617
Just to piss my mother off,
I said, \"Let\'s get married.\"

00:12:31.617 --> 00:12:32.885
And we did.

00:12:32.885 --> 00:12:34.653
And I was just so
stupidly immature,

00:12:34.653 --> 00:12:36.922
I think I was like 22,
21, something like that.

00:12:36.922 --> 00:12:38.791
Nobody should be
married at that age.

00:12:38.791 --> 00:12:40.960
You should be like 50, 60.

00:12:40.960 --> 00:12:41.894
80.

00:12:41.894 --> 00:12:43.262
If you get married at 80,

00:12:43.262 --> 00:12:46.365
then the phrase \"till
death do you part,\"

00:12:46.365 --> 00:12:48.601
it\'s a lot quicker to death.

00:12:48.601 --> 00:12:50.503
At 20, no.

00:12:50.503 --> 00:12:52.605
I used to blame my
familial history

00:12:52.605 --> 00:12:54.840
with the alcoholic father and
abusive mother and all that,

00:12:54.840 --> 00:12:58.811
but I realized I could have
married the perfect person

00:12:58.811 --> 00:13:00.212
and it still wouldn\'t
have worked out,

00:13:00.212 --> 00:13:02.248
Because there were
the gender issues

00:13:02.248 --> 00:13:05.518
that were affecting
me, that affected me,

00:13:05.518 --> 00:13:09.522
and \'caused me to finally act
on it, were affecting me then.

00:13:09.522 --> 00:13:10.589
I just got married
a couple weeks ago.

00:13:10.589 --> 00:13:12.391
I got married about a month ago.

00:13:17.129 --> 00:13:17.963
Second time!

00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:22.501
That\'s my ex-wife
over there clapping.

00:13:25.171 --> 00:13:29.041
So we lasted 10
years, and we just...

00:13:29.041 --> 00:13:32.511
I don\'t know, it just
fell apart, you know?

00:13:32.511 --> 00:13:35.281
I met Susan about a year later.

00:13:35.281 --> 00:13:38.384
Basically, it felt it was love
at first sight kind of thing,

00:13:38.384 --> 00:13:40.519
and we stayed
together for a year,

00:13:40.519 --> 00:13:42.788
and then we decided
to get married.

00:13:42.788 --> 00:13:45.958
I started to feel pushed
out when the kids came.

00:13:45.958 --> 00:13:47.860
And there\'s that
female side of me

00:13:47.860 --> 00:13:50.296
that wanted to be the mom too.

00:13:50.296 --> 00:13:53.332
I was the dad, but I didn\'t
really like being the dad.

00:13:53.332 --> 00:13:55.534
I wanted to be the mom.

00:13:55.534 --> 00:13:57.002
There can only be one mom.

00:13:59.672 --> 00:14:02.775
And so, we just
started to move apart,

00:14:02.775 --> 00:14:05.544
and comedy was just taking
over my life at that point.

00:14:05.544 --> 00:14:07.313
I was going on the road a lot.

00:14:08.714 --> 00:14:11.116
And just being away a
lot and missing the kids.

00:14:12.218 --> 00:14:14.019
By the time I got off the road,

00:14:15.454 --> 00:14:17.623
because I wanted to spend
more time with the kids,

00:14:17.623 --> 00:14:18.691
it was too late.

00:14:21.760 --> 00:14:24.797
I got a day gig and
everything just fell apart.

00:14:25.998 --> 00:14:28.167
The thing of it is,
if you\'re not happy,

00:14:28.167 --> 00:14:30.336
if you\'re not
happy in your work,

00:14:30.336 --> 00:14:32.504
if you\'re not happy
in your relationship,

00:14:32.504 --> 00:14:34.573
then get the hell
out of one of them.

00:14:36.041 --> 00:14:38.577
You\'ve got to be happy.
It\'s about quality of life.

00:14:40.246 --> 00:14:41.880
And I wasn\'t happy with myself,

00:14:41.880 --> 00:14:45.184
I wasn\'t happy in the
relationship, loved
my kids to death.

00:14:45.184 --> 00:14:46.819
That was the only thing
I was truly happy about,

00:14:46.819 --> 00:14:50.256
and that was the thing I
lost when we got divorced.

00:14:50.256 --> 00:14:51.090
Whoa!

00:14:53.726 --> 00:14:54.560
Daddy!

00:14:54.560 --> 00:14:56.362
Mom is...

00:14:56.362 --> 00:14:58.430
fiercely protective of us.

00:14:58.430 --> 00:14:59.898
Yes.

00:14:59.898 --> 00:15:02.167
I don\'t think she could
have cared less about Julia

00:15:02.167 --> 00:15:04.069
and what Julia was doing.

00:15:04.069 --> 00:15:06.672
I think she didn\'t
understand it at the time,

00:15:06.672 --> 00:15:11.343
but I think, more than anything,
she was worried for us.

00:15:12.478 --> 00:15:15.914
I have a general memory
of the whole ordeal,

00:15:15.914 --> 00:15:20.619
and it was just she wanted us
to not have to deal with it.

00:15:20.619 --> 00:15:23.255
I think we had
just probably said

00:15:23.255 --> 00:15:26.058
we don\'t want to see Julia.

00:15:26.058 --> 00:15:29.228
And she made sure that our...

00:15:30.629 --> 00:15:32.097
Damn sure.

00:15:32.097 --> 00:15:34.066
Susan and Susan and
my relationship,

00:15:34.066 --> 00:15:36.669
as far as the kids, was
always very contentious.

00:15:36.669 --> 00:15:38.904
When I came out as trans...

00:15:38.904 --> 00:15:41.373
Don\'t forget, this
is 18 years ago now.

00:15:41.373 --> 00:15:44.910
People frowned on that sort
of thing, particularly courts.

00:15:44.910 --> 00:15:47.079
They thought we were
perverts and whatever.

00:15:47.079 --> 00:15:51.450
And so she had the court order
a psychiatric exam for me.

00:15:51.450 --> 00:15:54.320
Psychiatrists suck
because they prod you

00:15:54.320 --> 00:15:56.221
until you wind up
losing your temper.

00:15:56.221 --> 00:15:58.791
And they would ask more
questions, I\'d get angrier.

00:15:58.791 --> 00:16:01.327
Like, what right have you got
to ask me these questions?

00:16:01.327 --> 00:16:03.896
Well, being Italian, I
finally just lost it.

00:16:03.896 --> 00:16:05.331
That was all they needed,

00:16:05.331 --> 00:16:09.335
and they decided I was
unfit to have joint custody.

00:16:14.606 --> 00:16:16.809
Mom did what she thought

00:16:16.809 --> 00:16:19.011
was the right thing
to do to protect us

00:16:19.011 --> 00:16:21.914
I think is what
it comes down to.

00:16:21.914 --> 00:16:24.183
I feel like I had
a sense of that,

00:16:24.183 --> 00:16:26.785
like it was something
to be protected from.

00:16:27.653 --> 00:16:28.921
Must have been.

00:16:28.921 --> 00:16:30.723
We were both making
efforts to kinda...

00:16:32.057 --> 00:16:33.692
sweep it under the rug,

00:16:33.692 --> 00:16:35.694
bury it under the
floorboards even.

00:16:37.930 --> 00:16:38.764
Yeah.

00:16:41.967 --> 00:16:43.969
There was always a
sadness in my heart

00:16:45.104 --> 00:16:46.905
every day without them.

00:16:46.905 --> 00:16:50.376
It got particularly
bad on holidays,

00:16:50.376 --> 00:16:53.512
their birthdays, my
birthday, graduations.

00:16:53.512 --> 00:16:57.483
My mother would report to
me events in their lives.

00:16:57.483 --> 00:16:59.651
I remember the day I
got a picture of Emma.

00:17:02.654 --> 00:17:05.491
I had no words for how
beautiful she looked.

00:17:05.491 --> 00:17:06.458
She just...

00:17:08.627 --> 00:17:10.229
She was grown and I missed it.

00:17:11.397 --> 00:17:16.335
I don\'t know how to
get that across...

00:17:16.335 --> 00:17:17.970
emotionally, how that feels...

00:17:19.171 --> 00:17:21.206
to know that...

00:17:21.206 --> 00:17:22.040
every...

00:17:23.175 --> 00:17:26.111
big event in both
their lives I missed.

00:17:26.111 --> 00:17:28.814
I\'ll never ever get those back.

00:17:28.814 --> 00:17:31.049
I needed to be as
normal as possible,

00:17:31.049 --> 00:17:34.586
and unfortunately Julia just
did not fit that narrative,

00:17:34.586 --> 00:17:37.122
and I made the...

00:17:37.122 --> 00:17:42.127
unkind decision to prioritize
fitting in over my family.

00:17:43.529 --> 00:17:45.931
I still feel a lot of guilt
around the whole thing.

00:17:54.006 --> 00:17:55.340
Let me see, beauty.

00:18:01.080 --> 00:18:02.247
It\'s heavy?

00:18:02.247 --> 00:18:03.715
Got a lot of lunch?

00:18:03.715 --> 00:18:05.217
You gonna sing the song?

00:18:05.217 --> 00:18:07.052
Emma\'s an interesting
human being.

00:18:07.052 --> 00:18:08.754
I keep finding out
these things about her

00:18:08.754 --> 00:18:11.290
that I didn\'t know
existed in her.

00:18:11.290 --> 00:18:13.592
She was always very
shy and reserved

00:18:13.592 --> 00:18:15.160
and she had a poker face.

00:18:15.160 --> 00:18:17.429
You never saw what was
going on in her head.

00:18:17.429 --> 00:18:19.898
And then I come to find
out she loves comedy.

00:18:19.898 --> 00:18:22.334
Through Dan I found that
out and I was like, \"What?\"

00:18:22.334 --> 00:18:25.237
He goes, \"Yeah, I kinda
turned her on to standup.\"

00:18:25.237 --> 00:18:30.242
I\'m a consumer of Dan and
all types of comedy, I think.

00:18:31.410 --> 00:18:33.078
It appeals to me in
a way that I think

00:18:33.078 --> 00:18:36.148
a lot of other things
don\'t really hit that spot.

00:18:36.148 --> 00:18:39.685
That whole idea of what\'s
masculine and what\'s feminine,

00:18:39.685 --> 00:18:43.021
I think people think of
holding court like that

00:18:43.021 --> 00:18:48.026
as a very powerful, masculine
thing, and it\'s dead wrong.

00:18:49.461 --> 00:18:53.832
She actually came to my open
mic and did some material.

00:18:55.100 --> 00:18:58.804
And everyone loved it.

00:18:58.804 --> 00:19:00.973
And they were like,
\"Who is that old woman

00:19:00.973 --> 00:19:02.441
that you know somehow?\"

00:19:03.909 --> 00:19:05.210
I was like, \"Oh, that\'s my Dad.\"

00:19:15.754 --> 00:19:16.588
Here\'s my kid!

00:19:18.957 --> 00:19:20.158
The crazy old lady of comedy!

00:19:20.158 --> 00:19:22.394
Are you ready for Julia Scotti?

00:19:23.328 --> 00:19:25.998
She\'s here! Julia Scotti\'s here!

00:19:27.766 --> 00:19:28.734
Woo!

00:19:32.337 --> 00:19:33.572
This is great being here.

00:19:33.572 --> 00:19:35.474
I should tell you, if
you didn\'t know already,

00:19:35.474 --> 00:19:36.542
I\'m transgendered.

00:19:38.010 --> 00:19:40.779
Any other trans people?
Where are my trans people?

00:19:40.779 --> 00:19:41.613
Come on.

00:19:42.814 --> 00:19:44.683
Don\'t be shy. Now\'s a
good time to come out.

00:19:46.251 --> 00:19:47.886
For God\'s sakes,
one of you come out!

00:19:49.588 --> 00:19:51.690
I did it late in life.

00:19:51.690 --> 00:19:55.360
I was in my late 40\'s,
I guess, when I did it.

00:19:55.360 --> 00:19:57.262
So I missed all the good
stuff that you went through

00:19:57.262 --> 00:19:59.298
about being a young girl.

00:19:59.298 --> 00:20:00.332
I didn\'t get to go to the prom.

00:20:00.332 --> 00:20:02.034
Well I did, but I...

00:20:02.034 --> 00:20:03.135
was wearing a tux...

00:20:03.135 --> 00:20:04.770
and I had a dick.

00:20:09.241 --> 00:20:10.576
It came with the tux.

00:20:12.444 --> 00:20:14.680
I had the surgery in 2002.

00:20:14.680 --> 00:20:17.182
I wasn\'t planning to. I
went in for a tonsillectomy.

00:20:19.751 --> 00:20:20.886
They were running a sale.

00:20:22.854 --> 00:20:23.689
I had a Groupon.

00:20:27.292 --> 00:20:28.560
But I missed all the good stuff

00:20:28.560 --> 00:20:30.195
about being a young
girl, I really did.

00:20:30.195 --> 00:20:31.363
By the time I got it done,

00:20:31.363 --> 00:20:32.898
I woke up, I was
already in menopause.

00:20:34.032 --> 00:20:35.367
I did, I came up
out of the surgery,

00:20:35.367 --> 00:20:37.402
I\'m like, \"Christ,
it\'s hot in here!\"

00:20:39.171 --> 00:20:43.408
It makes sense that she
is once again a comedian.

00:20:43.408 --> 00:20:45.544
That does not
surprise me at all.

00:20:45.544 --> 00:20:48.246
And it makes me happy that
she was able to go back.

00:20:48.246 --> 00:20:52.317
Aside from Julia, I don\'t think
any of the adults in my life

00:20:52.317 --> 00:20:56.154
have really pursued a passion
like that professionally.

00:20:58.790 --> 00:21:00.492
I live in an attached
house, right,

00:21:00.492 --> 00:21:01.660
so my neighbor\'s right-

00:21:01.660 --> 00:21:03.428
I can hear through their wall.

00:21:03.428 --> 00:21:07.132
And my neighbor\'s like 83,
and she\'s dating her husband,

00:21:07.132 --> 00:21:09.768
her ex-husband,
actually, who is 87.

00:21:11.236 --> 00:21:14.139
She divorced him because she
caught him cheating on her.

00:21:15.574 --> 00:21:18.143
But she told me, \"The sex
is good, though, Julia.\"

00:21:19.311 --> 00:21:21.179
He\'s coming over and
making booty calls

00:21:21.179 --> 00:21:23.281
three or four times a week.

00:21:23.281 --> 00:21:24.783
87!

00:21:24.783 --> 00:21:27.919
I gotta listen to this.
The walls are paper thin.

00:21:27.919 --> 00:21:31.356
And I\'m hearing the head board
banging up against the wall.

00:21:31.356 --> 00:21:34.159
Could you sleep if you had
to listen to this all night?

00:21:49.241 --> 00:21:50.776
Thank you all so much.
You guys are great.

00:21:50.776 --> 00:21:51.643
Thank you.

00:21:52.611 --> 00:21:54.579
Thank you, thank you.

00:21:54.579 --> 00:21:56.148
Oh, thank you.

00:21:56.148 --> 00:21:57.349
Oh, Thank you!. Oh my goodness!

00:21:57.349 --> 00:21:58.216
Thank you so much!

00:22:02.120 --> 00:22:04.690
For the young comics,
it serves two purposes.

00:22:04.690 --> 00:22:06.858
I think it gives them a
chance to hang out with vets,

00:22:06.858 --> 00:22:10.429
pick our brains, and maybe
network a bit for work.

00:22:10.429 --> 00:22:11.963
It invigorates me.

00:22:11.963 --> 00:22:15.367
It challenges me to not get
complacent about my comedy.

00:22:15.367 --> 00:22:16.301
Those kids are always working.

00:22:16.301 --> 00:22:18.503
They\'re always out at open mics.

00:22:18.503 --> 00:22:20.872
They\'re always pushing,
pushing, pushing the envelope,

00:22:20.872 --> 00:22:22.207
like I used to do.

00:22:22.207 --> 00:22:24.109
I don\'t ever wanna
get lazy. I can\'t..

00:22:24.109 --> 00:22:25.010
And to share.

00:22:25.944 --> 00:22:26.945
You made it!

00:22:26.945 --> 00:22:28.480
Oh my God!

00:22:29.414 --> 00:22:31.116
We got a chair for you.

00:22:34.386 --> 00:22:35.220
Oh my God!

00:22:36.154 --> 00:22:37.789
We finally got you here!

00:22:38.724 --> 00:22:39.658
How you doing?

00:22:39.658 --> 00:22:42.627
I\'m doing good. How you doing?

00:22:42.627 --> 00:22:44.529
Yeah, to Kevin

00:22:44.529 --> 00:22:46.965
To our comedy brothers and
sisters who aren\'t here anymore.

00:22:46.965 --> 00:22:48.900
To our fallen homies.

00:22:50.936 --> 00:22:54.806
I told her many a time
I\'m so much happier

00:22:54.806 --> 00:22:58.577
with who you are onstage
versus who you were back then.

00:22:58.577 --> 00:22:59.478
Yeah.
You know?

00:22:59.478 --> 00:23:00.679
Me too.

00:23:00.679 --> 00:23:02.114
\'Cause you were
always this sad sack

00:23:02.114 --> 00:23:05.150
and, \"I\'m the Maytag repair
man and I hate life.\"

00:23:05.150 --> 00:23:07.185
Now, I think you\'re
so much more fulfilled

00:23:07.185 --> 00:23:09.621
and so much more joyful
with who you are onstage.

00:23:09.621 --> 00:23:11.957
Elizabeth, the fact
that we\'re all here,

00:23:11.957 --> 00:23:13.859
this is just this is
just, it is family.

00:23:13.859 --> 00:23:15.060
We are all family.

00:23:15.060 --> 00:23:16.695
Put a little salmon
on top of that!

00:23:16.695 --> 00:23:17.896
Let\'s order first.

00:23:19.464 --> 00:23:22.901
My favorite Rick story is
when your dog, your dalmatian.

00:23:22.901 --> 00:23:24.636
Yeah, Duncan.

00:23:24.636 --> 00:23:27.439
Oh my god. Which you
always regretted.

00:23:27.439 --> 00:23:28.740
You said, \"Why did
I get a dalmatian?

00:23:28.740 --> 00:23:29.975
I wanted a nice little pet.\"

00:23:29.975 --> 00:23:31.977
Right? And the dog was crazy.

00:23:31.977 --> 00:23:33.745
And it bit through
an electrical wire.

00:23:33.745 --> 00:23:34.946
That\'s right.

00:23:34.946 --> 00:23:37.349
But you were still, you
were so kind hearted

00:23:37.349 --> 00:23:39.017
in spite of your male
hormones, I\'m sorry.

00:23:39.017 --> 00:23:40.552
That\'s okay.

00:23:40.552 --> 00:23:42.487
No, no. Wait till you hear
what she did, what he did.

00:23:42.487 --> 00:23:43.688
You tried to give the dog...

00:23:43.688 --> 00:23:44.523
I did give her.

00:23:44.523 --> 00:23:45.524
Mouth to mouth.

00:23:45.524 --> 00:23:47.092
She gave the dalmatian mouth-

00:23:47.092 --> 00:23:49.461
Gathered up all
its folds, right,

00:23:49.461 --> 00:23:51.296
which I can now
demonstrate actually.

00:23:52.597 --> 00:23:53.532
And she goes, \"I don\'t know why

00:23:53.532 --> 00:23:54.933
I was trying to save its life.

00:23:54.933 --> 00:23:55.934
I hated that dog.\"

00:23:57.135 --> 00:23:59.137
And she goes, \"And I\'m
breathing into its nose

00:23:59.137 --> 00:24:00.772
and mouth like the
vet tells you.\"

00:24:00.772 --> 00:24:01.706
And you were like, \"There I am,

00:24:01.706 --> 00:24:03.508
trying to save its damn life

00:24:03.508 --> 00:24:05.844
and the dog comes
around and it bites me!\"

00:24:05.844 --> 00:24:06.678
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

00:24:09.414 --> 00:24:11.950
It had the cord its mouth!

00:24:13.385 --> 00:24:16.087
And I yanked the cord out,
and the dog\'s like dead.

00:24:16.087 --> 00:24:18.256
I mean, literally there
was no heartbeat, nothing,

00:24:18.256 --> 00:24:20.292
and I\'m giving him compressions,

00:24:20.292 --> 00:24:22.427
I\'m blowing in its nose,
and then all of a sudden

00:24:22.427 --> 00:24:25.130
it came to, and he\'s .

00:24:25.130 --> 00:24:26.364
And then you were like .

00:24:26.364 --> 00:24:28.400
Then he bit me, and I
was like, \"Fucking dog!\"

00:24:31.269 --> 00:24:32.103
I hate that dog.

00:24:34.806 --> 00:24:36.274
I don\'t have the same
history with Julia

00:24:36.274 --> 00:24:37.709
that most of you have,

00:24:37.709 --> 00:24:40.445
but the times that I have
crossed paths with her on a gig,

00:24:40.445 --> 00:24:44.783
it\'s been in like
central Pennsylvania,
coal mining country,

00:24:46.218 --> 00:24:48.854
conservative places, and when
you walk into these places,

00:24:48.854 --> 00:24:51.523
you\'re not thinking, \"I\'ve
got a political agenda.\"

00:24:51.523 --> 00:24:53.625
I just want to get invited
back to this crappy gig again.

00:24:53.625 --> 00:24:55.126
I usually just want
to get out alive.

00:24:55.126 --> 00:24:56.361
Yeah, yeah.

00:24:56.361 --> 00:24:57.796
I just want to make
the audience laugh

00:24:57.796 --> 00:24:59.764
so they don\'t come at me
with a torch and pitch forks,

00:24:59.764 --> 00:25:01.900
and I\'m pretty sure
Julia feels the same way.

00:25:01.900 --> 00:25:03.902
So, at the end of the day,

00:25:03.902 --> 00:25:06.304
that\'s where you find
your voice as a comic,

00:25:06.304 --> 00:25:07.305
\'cause it\'s like, all right,

00:25:07.305 --> 00:25:08.440
where can I find
the happy medium

00:25:08.440 --> 00:25:10.208
where I can entertain
these people

00:25:10.208 --> 00:25:13.111
but I also feel like
I was myself on stage

00:25:13.111 --> 00:25:14.479
and got my point across?

00:25:14.479 --> 00:25:18.149
And Julia does that as
good as anybody else

00:25:18.149 --> 00:25:19.517
in the scene around Philly,

00:25:19.517 --> 00:25:21.586
in this nation or
in this country.

00:25:21.586 --> 00:25:22.821
I really gotta go.

00:25:26.258 --> 00:25:27.759
Thanks for having us here.

00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:29.761
We started these, Lateece
and I actually started these

00:25:29.761 --> 00:25:31.663
I think four or five years ago.

00:25:34.132 --> 00:25:35.033
And they\'re done now!

00:25:35.033 --> 00:25:35.867
Gong!

00:25:39.337 --> 00:25:42.274
I\'m working out, I\'m
jogging. Anybody jog here?

00:25:42.274 --> 00:25:43.842
One person?

00:25:43.842 --> 00:25:45.677
Rest of you are heart
attacks waiting to happen.

00:25:47.412 --> 00:25:48.246
What do you get out of it?

00:25:48.246 --> 00:25:49.514
You sweat, you smell.

00:25:50.882 --> 00:25:52.083
It\'s like the worse thing
in the world for me.

00:25:52.083 --> 00:25:53.785
You sweat, you smell.

00:25:53.785 --> 00:25:55.553
But serious runners
will always tell you,

00:25:55.553 --> 00:25:59.724
\"I love to run \'cause when
I run I get runner\'s high.\"

00:25:59.724 --> 00:26:00.959
Sounds great, right?

00:26:00.959 --> 00:26:02.294
You get high without
the use of drugs?

00:26:02.294 --> 00:26:03.495
That\'s a crock, man!

00:26:03.495 --> 00:26:04.963
You know why those
people feel like that?

00:26:04.963 --> 00:26:06.665
\'Cause they\'re close to death!

00:26:06.665 --> 00:26:08.366
I can\'t do it, I
can\'t run anymore.

00:26:08.366 --> 00:26:12.070
I have a cousin, 70 years
old, she just ran a marathon

00:26:12.070 --> 00:26:15.040
in 7 hours and 24 minutes.

00:26:15.040 --> 00:26:15.974
70 years old!

00:26:15.974 --> 00:26:17.208
Yeah, you\'re shaking your head,

00:26:17.208 --> 00:26:18.410
It takes me that long
to cut my toenails.

00:26:20.545 --> 00:26:22.681
Anybody here run, like
marathons? Anybody?

00:26:22.681 --> 00:26:24.416
No?

00:26:24.416 --> 00:26:25.350
Good. Now I feel at home.

00:26:26.885 --> 00:26:28.353
I mean, listen, that\'s like...

00:26:28.353 --> 00:26:30.889
That\'s a long, 26
and a half miles.

00:26:30.889 --> 00:26:33.024
I smoke two packs
a cigarettes a day.

00:26:33.024 --> 00:26:35.226
I jog a block and a half,

00:26:35.226 --> 00:26:37.562
I\'m starting to see
dead relatives at
the end of the block.

00:26:44.469 --> 00:26:46.905
Thank you so much!
Thank you, thank you!

00:26:46.905 --> 00:26:48.373
I\'m doing this joke now,

00:26:48.373 --> 00:26:50.408
which is actually like
a 30-year-old joke

00:26:50.408 --> 00:26:52.744
about how I smoke too
much, and I can\'t exercise,

00:26:52.744 --> 00:26:56.848
and I have cousin who
jogs, who ran a marathon.

00:26:56.848 --> 00:26:57.682
Runners high?

00:26:57.682 --> 00:26:58.917
Yeah, well...

00:26:58.917 --> 00:27:01.353
She\'s 70 years old and
she just ran a marathon.

00:27:01.353 --> 00:27:03.421
And I\'m like, I smoke two
packs of cigarettes a day.

00:27:03.421 --> 00:27:04.990
I jog a block and a half,

00:27:04.990 --> 00:27:06.758
and I\'m starting to
see dead relatives

00:27:06.758 --> 00:27:07.993
at the end of the
block going like this.

00:27:07.993 --> 00:27:11.663
And so that punch
line didn\'t come...

00:27:11.663 --> 00:27:12.931
first.

00:27:12.931 --> 00:27:15.200
If you\'re asking if
it\'s chicken or egg.

00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:18.937
It came that I was writing
a bit about smoking.

00:27:18.937 --> 00:27:19.971
Yeah.

00:27:19.971 --> 00:27:21.773
And it just evolved that way.

00:27:21.773 --> 00:27:24.209
I think it\'s easier to
go in that direction.

00:27:24.209 --> 00:27:26.177
\'Cause whenever you
start with an idea

00:27:26.177 --> 00:27:28.713
that\'s just funny to you,
I feel like it\'s way harder

00:27:28.713 --> 00:27:31.716
to put it into context,
\'cause there\'s no need to.

00:27:31.716 --> 00:27:33.818
It\'s already funny to you.

00:27:33.818 --> 00:27:36.354
It\'s funny to you but
you have to sort of...

00:27:37.422 --> 00:27:38.990
Make it work for other people.

00:27:38.990 --> 00:27:40.225
Yeah.
Yeah.

00:27:40.225 --> 00:27:41.626
I\'ve been on the
road a lot lately,

00:27:41.626 --> 00:27:43.528
and I feel a little
vulnerable now

00:27:43.528 --> 00:27:44.763
when I go out on the road.

00:27:44.763 --> 00:27:46.631
I drove to Florida a
couple of months ago.

00:27:48.033 --> 00:27:50.535
I kinda had to take a
detour through Minnesota.

00:27:53.104 --> 00:27:55.807
Well, \'cause I\'m not allowed
to pee in North Carolina.

00:28:04.215 --> 00:28:05.784
Oh, they\'re freaking
out about my pee!

00:28:05.784 --> 00:28:07.285
My pee is like radioactive!

00:28:08.887 --> 00:28:11.122
Oh! They even made
a law against it!

00:28:11.122 --> 00:28:13.925
You can\'t mix transgender
pee with normal pee.

00:28:17.462 --> 00:28:19.164
It gets in the water system.

00:28:24.402 --> 00:28:26.604
So then they want me
to use the men\'s room.

00:28:26.604 --> 00:28:27.839
That\'s what they want me-

00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:29.007
Can you see me going
in the men\'s room?

00:28:30.408 --> 00:28:31.776
Can you see me
kicking open the door

00:28:31.776 --> 00:28:32.911
and going, \"Hello boys!

00:28:35.513 --> 00:28:36.347
I\'m back!

00:28:40.118 --> 00:28:42.620
Now, had you brought the pie...

00:28:44.055 --> 00:28:46.558
we could have paired
it up with this.

00:28:46.558 --> 00:28:47.859
We can describe the pie.

00:28:47.859 --> 00:28:49.060
Let\'s describe the pie.

00:28:49.060 --> 00:28:51.129
Painstakingly detailed.

00:28:51.129 --> 00:28:54.265
All right, the pie
we\'re talking about is,

00:28:54.265 --> 00:28:58.036
I won Funniest Person in
New Jersey for Showtime.

00:28:58.036 --> 00:28:59.737
Your country needs you!

00:28:59.737 --> 00:29:01.172
Showtime needs you!

00:29:01.172 --> 00:29:03.174
We\'re looking for the
funniest person in America!

00:29:03.174 --> 00:29:04.542
And it may be you!

00:29:04.542 --> 00:29:06.111
Back when it was a
fledgling network

00:29:06.111 --> 00:29:08.079
and you can tell by the...

00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:10.715
The fact that you\'re in
the basement of a church?

00:29:10.715 --> 00:29:12.851
This was actually
outdoors they shot this.

00:29:12.851 --> 00:29:13.685
Really?

00:29:13.685 --> 00:29:14.619
Yeah.

00:29:14.619 --> 00:29:15.720
You could see how cheap it was.

00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:17.222
Yeah.

00:29:17.222 --> 00:29:20.725
And so, for winning New
Jersey, I won this award.

00:29:20.725 --> 00:29:22.026
Do you wanna describe the award?

00:29:22.026 --> 00:29:26.164
It was like a a
full-size men\'s forearm

00:29:26.164 --> 00:29:27.465
holding a cream pie.

00:29:27.465 --> 00:29:28.833
So much smaller than I remember.

00:29:28.833 --> 00:29:30.602
I remember it being
much bigger than this.

00:29:30.602 --> 00:29:32.971
Yeah, we build these things
like this up in our heads.

00:29:33.872 --> 00:29:35.306
How are you?

00:29:35.306 --> 00:29:37.442
To win the funniest person
in Fort Lee contest,

00:29:37.442 --> 00:29:39.544
it\'s more than I can describe.

00:29:40.578 --> 00:29:41.746
I had this day in Fort Lee.

00:29:41.746 --> 00:29:43.047
it was Rich Gagliardi day

00:29:43.047 --> 00:29:44.449
at the local Burger King there.

00:29:44.449 --> 00:29:45.917
It was wonderful,

00:29:45.917 --> 00:29:49.154
I got this shirt. It was sort
of a gift people donated.

00:29:49.154 --> 00:29:51.923
It was just wonderful. It
was the thrill of a lifetime.

00:29:53.558 --> 00:29:54.826
It was terrific.

00:29:54.826 --> 00:29:56.661
I got a good shot on a
local television show,

00:29:56.661 --> 00:29:58.429
the Regis Philbin
Show in New York.

00:29:58.429 --> 00:30:01.599
He\'s pretty funny I hear, and
he won a contest on Sunday.

00:30:01.599 --> 00:30:03.535
This is the beginning
of a nationwide search,

00:30:03.535 --> 00:30:05.503
and here he is
Richard Gagliardi.

00:30:05.503 --> 00:30:06.838
Have you always wanted
to be a comedian?

00:30:06.838 --> 00:30:08.640
Yeah, ever since I was a kid.

00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:11.342
It was the result of a
severe blow to the head

00:30:14.412 --> 00:30:16.214
I was about 28 in that picture.

00:30:16.214 --> 00:30:19.851
How do you have that much
hair, and I\'m where I\'m at?

00:30:19.851 --> 00:30:20.785
It\'s a piece.

00:30:21.653 --> 00:30:22.487
A toupee.

00:30:22.487 --> 00:30:23.721
No.

00:30:23.721 --> 00:30:26.958
I had hair up until
until I was about 49,

00:30:26.958 --> 00:30:29.394
and then it started to recede.

00:30:29.394 --> 00:30:32.597
And then I discovered
the beauty of estrogen.

00:30:32.597 --> 00:30:35.433
Now, I wouldn\'t recommend
that to you, just to get hair.

00:30:35.433 --> 00:30:37.068
Now are there any side effects?

00:30:37.068 --> 00:30:38.002
Eh...

00:30:38.002 --> 00:30:38.803
A few.

00:30:40.705 --> 00:30:42.240
But actually, it made
my hair grew back,

00:30:42.240 --> 00:30:45.610
and I was like,
\"Thank you, Jesus!\"

00:30:45.610 --> 00:30:46.878
I gotta tell you this story.

00:30:46.878 --> 00:30:48.146
So I\'m in high school, right,

00:30:48.146 --> 00:30:51.449
and I really think
I need to be a jock.

00:30:51.449 --> 00:30:53.551
I decided I\'m gonna go
out for the football team,

00:30:53.551 --> 00:30:56.321
and I don\'t really wanna,
\'cause we had this coach.

00:30:56.321 --> 00:30:59.090
And your mother would known
him. His name is Bucky Campton.

00:30:59.090 --> 00:31:02.193
That\'s a really good
old-timey football name.

00:31:02.193 --> 00:31:04.128
He was a Marine in Korea,

00:31:04.128 --> 00:31:07.031
and we think he had a plate
in his head and all that.

00:31:07.031 --> 00:31:08.299
So, I go out...

00:31:09.667 --> 00:31:12.570
on the field, and they got
these sleds that you gotta hit.

00:31:12.570 --> 00:31:13.871
Yeah, yeah. I know the sleds.

00:31:13.871 --> 00:31:15.106
Yeah.

00:31:15.106 --> 00:31:16.941
And he\'s like, \"Come
on, you big pussy!

00:31:16.941 --> 00:31:18.076
Show us what you got!\"

00:31:18.076 --> 00:31:20.011
That kind of guy, you know?

00:31:20.011 --> 00:31:21.879
I\'m already crying. I don\'t
even know what to say.

00:31:21.879 --> 00:31:24.182
So I get down in
position to hit the sled.

00:31:24.182 --> 00:31:26.751
He goes, \"On the count
of three, hit the sled!\"

00:31:26.751 --> 00:31:30.021
So, again, I don\'t know
what the position is, so I-

00:31:30.021 --> 00:31:31.189
You just kinda squat?

00:31:31.189 --> 00:31:33.491
He kinda has to
Gumby me in position.

00:31:34.759 --> 00:31:36.027
\"Loosen up!\"

00:31:36.027 --> 00:31:37.395
So I get in the position
and he counts to three,

00:31:37.395 --> 00:31:38.429
I hit the sled.

00:31:38.429 --> 00:31:39.464
It moves like...

00:31:40.498 --> 00:31:41.432
It goes like that.
A boop.

00:31:41.432 --> 00:31:43.001
Yeah, it does like one of those.

00:31:43.001 --> 00:31:45.970
Meanwhile the other kids are
moving it across the field.

00:31:45.970 --> 00:31:48.373
He goes, \"Try it again.\"

00:31:48.373 --> 00:31:50.642
Count to three. So
I get in the squat.

00:31:50.642 --> 00:31:52.543
He goes, \"One, two...\"

00:31:52.543 --> 00:31:55.580
Before he got to
three, he took his foot

00:31:55.580 --> 00:31:58.149
and put in on my ass and
kicked me into the sled

00:31:58.149 --> 00:31:59.817
as hard as he could.

00:31:59.817 --> 00:32:02.287
I must have moved
the thing six feet.

00:32:02.287 --> 00:32:04.355
I\'m laying in the mud, \'cause...

00:32:04.355 --> 00:32:05.623
Yeah.

00:32:05.623 --> 00:32:07.258
I just looked at him
and I go, \"You suck.

00:32:07.258 --> 00:32:08.826
I quit this fucking team.\"

00:32:08.826 --> 00:32:09.694
Did you tell him he sucks?

00:32:09.694 --> 00:32:10.928
I did tell him.

00:32:10.928 --> 00:32:12.263
I didn\'t care what he
did to me at that point.

00:32:12.263 --> 00:32:14.799
I just got up and
walked off the field.

00:32:14.799 --> 00:32:16.768
To this day I hate football.

00:32:16.768 --> 00:32:18.469
So, anyway. So, don\'t feel bad.

00:32:20.805 --> 00:32:24.208
I clearly remember,
as I was growing up,

00:32:24.208 --> 00:32:25.610
not understanding...

00:32:26.511 --> 00:32:28.713
my maleness.

00:32:28.713 --> 00:32:30.248
There\'s something wrong

00:32:30.248 --> 00:32:32.417
because I expected to grow up
like my sister, like your ant.

00:32:32.417 --> 00:32:33.284
Right.

00:32:33.284 --> 00:32:34.952
And at some point,

00:32:34.952 --> 00:32:36.988
I just had to
suppress everything.

00:32:38.089 --> 00:32:40.858
As someone who
identifies as a man

00:32:40.858 --> 00:32:43.127
I still felt that growing up.

00:32:43.127 --> 00:32:45.129
I think that\'s just...

00:32:45.129 --> 00:32:49.967
There\'s something
oddly repressive
about living as a man.

00:32:52.070 --> 00:32:55.673
You might remember when I was
little, Emma dressing me up.

00:32:55.673 --> 00:32:57.041
I hadn\'t until you
until you mentioned it.

00:32:57.041 --> 00:32:58.543
Yeah, I do remember that.

00:32:58.543 --> 00:33:01.646
When you grow up in the
company of women primarily,

00:33:01.646 --> 00:33:04.582
you expect to be able
to behave a certain way,

00:33:04.582 --> 00:33:06.784
and then you have
to reign it in.

00:33:06.784 --> 00:33:09.120
That\'s funny, because
I grew up the same way.

00:33:09.120 --> 00:33:11.356
It was my sister and my mother.

00:33:11.356 --> 00:33:13.491
Yeah, I guess you do. I
never thought of that.

00:33:13.491 --> 00:33:14.726
Its a good point.

00:33:14.726 --> 00:33:15.960
Oh my god! What
a mistake I made!

00:33:17.195 --> 00:33:18.796
I want my penis back!

00:33:18.796 --> 00:33:19.630
No.

00:33:20.531 --> 00:33:21.799
But yeah.

00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:23.468
I think that\'s the new
title of the project.

00:33:25.870 --> 00:33:27.605
And it\'s a 1950s face.

00:33:27.605 --> 00:33:30.341
I Want My Penis Back:
The Julia Scotti Story.

00:33:33.378 --> 00:33:35.446
A regular at all the
clubs in New York City.

00:33:35.446 --> 00:33:38.583
A writer and contributor
for The Onion Online.

00:33:38.583 --> 00:33:41.452
Please give me a warm round
of applause for Dan Gagliardi!

00:33:41.452 --> 00:33:42.286
Let him hear it!

00:33:43.221 --> 00:33:48.226
Come on, people! Dan Gagliardi!

00:33:49.494 --> 00:33:50.862
Yes!

00:33:50.862 --> 00:33:52.864
Part of me that wishes
he had never developed

00:33:52.864 --> 00:33:56.367
as a comedian, because I
know how hard this job is.

00:33:56.367 --> 00:33:58.603
But I\'m kinda also proud

00:33:58.603 --> 00:34:02.673
because he either inherited
my gene and the love of it,

00:34:02.673 --> 00:34:05.610
or he remembers when
I did live with him

00:34:05.610 --> 00:34:08.413
and that I used to go
off and do what I did.

00:34:08.413 --> 00:34:12.517
Dan\'s more of a writer, sketch
artist than he is a standup,

00:34:12.517 --> 00:34:14.419
and I think he\'d be
the first one to agree,

00:34:14.419 --> 00:34:16.788
but he loves comedy
as much as I do.

00:34:18.623 --> 00:34:19.891
And that kinda
makes me feel good.

00:34:19.891 --> 00:34:22.193
I recently came
out to my parents.

00:34:22.193 --> 00:34:23.728
\'Cause I grew up in
New Jersey, right?

00:34:23.728 --> 00:34:26.063
In like a working
class neighborhood.

00:34:26.063 --> 00:34:27.965
So it was hard for me to
sit there and be like,

00:34:27.965 --> 00:34:29.667
\"Mom, Dad...

00:34:29.667 --> 00:34:32.403
I don\'t really like
Bruce Springsteen.\"

00:34:33.337 --> 00:34:34.772
Yeah, I know, I know.

00:34:34.772 --> 00:34:36.274
It\'s a bold move, right?

00:34:36.274 --> 00:34:39.010
Thank you, my fellow rebels.

00:34:39.010 --> 00:34:40.912
Stand strong.

00:34:40.912 --> 00:34:42.413
I don\'t.

00:34:42.413 --> 00:34:45.249
People give you guff when
you don\'t like The Boss.

00:34:45.249 --> 00:34:47.919
They don\'t accept it. It\'s
not a valid lifestyle.

00:34:47.919 --> 00:34:51.088
They always say, \"Oh, well,
you have to see him live.

00:34:51.088 --> 00:34:53.591
Three-hour shows.
It\'s incredible.\"

00:34:53.591 --> 00:34:57.361
When does that logic hold
up in anywhere in real life?

00:34:57.361 --> 00:35:00.465
If I were gay, you
wouldn\'t be like,

00:35:00.465 --> 00:35:03.701
\"Oh, but have you had
sex with a woman live?

00:35:05.703 --> 00:35:08.473
Have you done it
for three hours?\"

00:35:11.342 --> 00:35:14.045
All right, guys, I\'m Dan
Gagliardi. Thank you so much.

00:35:16.614 --> 00:35:19.350
And I could feel it,
like the few laughs I got

00:35:19.350 --> 00:35:22.553
came in spots where
it was locked down.

00:35:22.553 --> 00:35:23.488
Right.

00:35:23.488 --> 00:35:24.889
The wording was locked down.

00:35:24.889 --> 00:35:26.457
And that part of learning
to be comfortable

00:35:26.457 --> 00:35:27.525
with your own skin.

00:35:29.193 --> 00:35:30.895
That\'s a real weak spot.
I know, I know.

00:35:30.895 --> 00:35:31.963
I know it is.
For sure.

00:35:31.963 --> 00:35:33.531
I can feel it as it\'s happening.

00:35:33.531 --> 00:35:35.766
It\'s just like, can\'t stop it.

00:35:35.766 --> 00:35:37.068
But you\'d be surprised.

00:35:37.068 --> 00:35:40.471
If you\'re honest in the
way your body moves.

00:35:40.471 --> 00:35:42.707
And you could even
talk or write about it,

00:35:42.707 --> 00:35:44.709
a bit about your body movements,

00:35:44.709 --> 00:35:47.078
if you\'re uncomfortable,
and work it out onstage.

00:35:47.078 --> 00:35:51.749
Your joke about
imagine if you\'re gay,

00:35:51.749 --> 00:35:53.084
and then you say, well,

00:35:53.084 --> 00:35:55.086
have you tried to
have sex with a woman?

00:35:56.320 --> 00:35:57.655
The set-up\'s upside down.

00:35:58.689 --> 00:36:00.057
I thought you should have said,

00:36:00.057 --> 00:36:04.695
it\'s like saying to
a straight guy...

00:36:04.695 --> 00:36:06.097
have you tried gay sex?

00:36:06.097 --> 00:36:07.131
Try it for three hours.

00:36:07.131 --> 00:36:08.633
Yeah.

00:36:08.633 --> 00:36:09.567
Now, you may not
want to be that-

00:36:09.567 --> 00:36:10.401
I\'m gonna go get ready.

00:36:10.401 --> 00:36:11.536
Sure. Yeah, yeah.

00:36:11.536 --> 00:36:12.670
It\'s just more
readily identifiable.

00:36:12.670 --> 00:36:13.704
It\'s, yeah.

00:36:13.704 --> 00:36:14.906
Nice job.

00:36:14.906 --> 00:36:16.140
Thank you. Thanks
for letting me do it.

00:36:16.140 --> 00:36:17.808
Oh, please. Come
anytime you want.

00:36:17.808 --> 00:36:19.010
Thank you, yeah.

00:36:19.010 --> 00:36:20.278
You hungry? You want anything?

00:36:20.278 --> 00:36:21.379
No, I\'m all right.

00:36:21.379 --> 00:36:22.413
Relax. Go have fun.

00:36:22.413 --> 00:36:23.247
All right, see you.

00:36:23.247 --> 00:36:24.248
All right.

00:36:33.090 --> 00:36:35.126
God, I haven\'t seen
this since forever.

00:36:38.629 --> 00:36:40.498
This was my impression
of a diaphragm.

00:36:40.498 --> 00:36:42.033
Day in the life of a diaphragm.

00:36:44.001 --> 00:36:45.369
God, I was such a hack.

00:36:47.672 --> 00:36:49.173
But listen to
them. They love it.

00:36:49.173 --> 00:36:51.275
They love your white blazer.

00:36:51.275 --> 00:36:54.946
This piece used to
kill, and I hated it.

00:36:54.946 --> 00:36:59.050
I hated doing it, but I couldn\'t
find anything as strong.

00:37:00.484 --> 00:37:01.986
As stupid as this piece is,

00:37:01.986 --> 00:37:06.090
it\'s the first one I ever
wrote that made me understand

00:37:06.090 --> 00:37:08.926
the value of using your
body and your face.

00:37:10.061 --> 00:37:13.364
Because most of this
is mime and it\'s not...

00:37:13.364 --> 00:37:15.900
There\'s no jokes in here,
but it\'s all reaction.

00:37:15.900 --> 00:37:16.968
Right, yeah.

00:37:16.968 --> 00:37:18.469
And that...

00:37:18.469 --> 00:37:23.207
I really learned a lot from
this hacking, stupid as it is.

00:37:24.508 --> 00:37:26.978
You can see him on
Showtime July 19th.

00:37:26.978 --> 00:37:28.145
I don\'t know who that guy is.

00:37:28.145 --> 00:37:30.715
Make him feel at
home. Mr. Rick Scotti!

00:37:36.354 --> 00:37:38.389
My Harry Anderson period.

00:37:39.991 --> 00:37:41.959
Don\'t ever die on me.
I will not give CPR.

00:37:41.959 --> 00:37:43.027
I just won\'t do that.

00:37:44.128 --> 00:37:45.863
Well, I\'ll give it to a woman.

00:37:45.863 --> 00:37:48.265
I\'ll give CPR. I won\'t give
it to a guy, I\'m sorry.

00:37:48.265 --> 00:37:51.435
Oh, here\'s my fear of
homosexuality popping up.

00:37:51.435 --> 00:37:52.837
It was the \'80s

00:37:52.837 --> 00:37:54.705
When you give CPR you
gotta pump the person,

00:37:54.705 --> 00:37:57.608
and then you got to
blow in his mouth?

00:37:57.608 --> 00:37:58.442
Please!

00:38:01.445 --> 00:38:03.781
That\'s crazy that
that gets a laugh.

00:38:03.781 --> 00:38:05.883
I can\'t imagine now.

00:38:05.883 --> 00:38:07.585
Well, no, now it wouldn\'t.

00:38:07.585 --> 00:38:08.419
Suppose he likes it.

00:38:11.489 --> 00:38:12.723
Suppose I like it.

00:38:12.723 --> 00:38:14.058
I remember when I
wrote this piece

00:38:14.058 --> 00:38:16.627
that I was very
uncomfortable about doing it,

00:38:16.627 --> 00:38:21.632
because I was already feeling
like something was amiss.

00:38:23.100 --> 00:38:25.269
And I was struggling with
whether or not I was gay.

00:38:25.269 --> 00:38:28.005
And to do this, it
made me uncomfortable.

00:38:29.674 --> 00:38:32.543
Yeah, but I mean, on some level,

00:38:32.543 --> 00:38:35.279
it was your attempt at
working through it, I\'m sure.

00:38:36.247 --> 00:38:37.815
It was my attempt to deny it,

00:38:37.815 --> 00:38:40.451
because pieces that...

00:38:40.451 --> 00:38:44.055
He doesn\'t want to
give CPR to a guy.

00:38:47.324 --> 00:38:48.926
What if he likes it?
What if I like it?

00:38:48.926 --> 00:38:50.061
That was the joke.

00:38:50.061 --> 00:38:51.529
Yeah.

00:38:51.529 --> 00:38:53.631
I\'m sorry. I don\'t need that
kind of mid-life crisis.

00:38:53.631 --> 00:38:57.401
See? And that\'s exactly
what was going on.

00:38:58.436 --> 00:38:59.236
Damn you.

00:39:04.075 --> 00:39:05.309
Thank you very much!

00:39:05.309 --> 00:39:06.877
Did you see Geraldo
a couple weeks ago

00:39:06.877 --> 00:39:09.146
when he had these
transsexuals on?

00:39:09.146 --> 00:39:12.183
I don\'t know where this is.

00:39:12.183 --> 00:39:13.551
First, they were ugly guys.

00:39:13.551 --> 00:39:16.020
Now they\'re ugly
women, you know?

00:39:16.020 --> 00:39:18.222
Then you see them, they got
tons of make-up on their face

00:39:18.222 --> 00:39:20.958
with the beard growing
through the make-up.

00:39:20.958 --> 00:39:22.460
And some of them
really look like women,

00:39:22.460 --> 00:39:24.361
but they never
change their voice.

00:39:24.361 --> 00:39:25.629
Uh-oh.

00:39:25.629 --> 00:39:26.897
Geraldo says, \"Why\'d you
want to become a woman?\"

00:39:26.897 --> 00:39:28.365
And they go, \"Well,
you know, I always-

00:39:28.365 --> 00:39:29.300
You can probably just
fast forward through this-

00:39:29.300 --> 00:39:30.601
Whoa, wait a minute, Hold on.

00:39:30.601 --> 00:39:32.169
Jesus. Let me see that again.

00:39:32.169 --> 00:39:33.537
Wait.

00:39:33.537 --> 00:39:34.905
Oh, shit. What happened?

00:39:36.140 --> 00:39:37.575
Did you see Geraldo
a couple weeks ago

00:39:37.575 --> 00:39:39.844
when he had these
transsexuals on?

00:39:39.844 --> 00:39:41.512
What the hell is
wrong with these guys?

00:39:41.512 --> 00:39:42.980
My God! Shut up!

00:39:42.980 --> 00:39:45.249
First they were ugly guys.
Now they\'re ugly women

00:39:45.249 --> 00:39:46.751
Shut up!

00:39:46.751 --> 00:39:48.886
Then you see them, they got
tons of make-up on their face,

00:39:48.886 --> 00:39:51.655
with the beard growing
through the make-up.

00:39:51.655 --> 00:39:53.124
And some of them
really look like women,

00:39:53.124 --> 00:39:55.726
but they never
change their voice.

00:39:55.726 --> 00:39:57.728
Gerlado\'s saying, \"So, why\'d
you want to become a woman?\"

00:39:57.728 --> 00:40:00.131
They go, \"Well I always wanted
to be a woman, Geraldo \"

00:40:00.131 --> 00:40:00.998
Wow

00:40:00.998 --> 00:40:02.366
Yeah.

00:40:02.366 --> 00:40:03.901
I told you

00:40:03.901 --> 00:40:04.702
Even as a child, I knew I
wanted to become a woman.

00:40:04.702 --> 00:40:05.336
I was having issues.

00:40:10.908 --> 00:40:11.742
Wow!

00:40:17.314 --> 00:40:20.351
Kate helped me understand
what my issue was.

00:40:20.351 --> 00:40:22.153
Kate was a whole
different story.

00:40:22.153 --> 00:40:24.789
I was not looking for anybody.

00:40:24.789 --> 00:40:26.290
Kate came into my life.

00:40:27.725 --> 00:40:30.461
I didn\'t know it at the
time. It was a blind date.

00:40:30.461 --> 00:40:32.797
The night we met, I thought
it was a business meeting,

00:40:32.797 --> 00:40:35.599
She said she was looking
to book some comedy.

00:40:36.801 --> 00:40:38.102
I said, \"Well come
to the gig with me.

00:40:38.102 --> 00:40:39.804
You can see what I do
and if you want to...\"

00:40:39.804 --> 00:40:42.106
And we were on the
boardwalk at Wildwood,

00:40:42.106 --> 00:40:45.075
and after the show, the ocean .

00:40:46.944 --> 00:40:48.512
All the rides .

00:40:49.914 --> 00:40:52.750
And I bought her a sausage
and pepper sandwich.

00:40:53.751 --> 00:40:55.553
And waffles and ice cream.

00:40:55.553 --> 00:40:57.354
And we held hands.

00:40:57.354 --> 00:41:01.926
We dated for, I don\'t
know, like six weeks...

00:41:01.926 --> 00:41:03.394
before I even kissed her.

00:41:04.662 --> 00:41:07.765
She was different from...

00:41:07.765 --> 00:41:11.602
anybody I\'ve ever met and
known, before or since.

00:41:11.602 --> 00:41:15.072
She was, and is,
the love of my life.

00:41:15.072 --> 00:41:17.608
She\'s the person I should
have met when I was 21,

00:41:17.608 --> 00:41:21.345
had I not been a
psycho, lunatic child.

00:41:22.479 --> 00:41:25.282
I was already I think
40 when I met her,

00:41:25.282 --> 00:41:26.684
40-something when I met her.

00:41:28.152 --> 00:41:29.453
Best years of my life.

00:41:30.788 --> 00:41:33.557
I wouldn\'t be Julia
if it weren\'t for her.

00:41:33.557 --> 00:41:35.960
And she was there in
ways that no one else

00:41:35.960 --> 00:41:39.029
in my life had ever been for me.

00:41:39.029 --> 00:41:40.497
She loved me.

00:41:40.497 --> 00:41:43.667
I don\'t think I ever felt
that from anyone else.

00:41:43.667 --> 00:41:47.504
It\'s that secure feeling
when somebody loves you.

00:41:48.439 --> 00:41:49.740
You know it.

00:41:49.740 --> 00:41:51.308
It\'s not like when you
say you love someone,

00:41:51.308 --> 00:41:54.011
\"I love you,\" and in your
heart, \"I don\'t love you.\"

00:41:54.011 --> 00:41:56.580
You know, I like you,
but I don\'t love you.

00:41:56.580 --> 00:42:01.485
This one I knew I loved her,
and I still do to this day.

00:42:02.086 --> 00:42:02.920
So there.

00:42:05.322 --> 00:42:09.994
I don\'t know if I\'ve
ever said this to Julia.

00:42:09.994 --> 00:42:12.997
But I think right
around that same time

00:42:12.997 --> 00:42:16.267
was when I realized that...

00:42:16.267 --> 00:42:17.401
I mean, I was 12 years old,

00:42:17.401 --> 00:42:18.502
I should have
realized this before,

00:42:18.502 --> 00:42:20.838
but totally
separately the reason

00:42:20.838 --> 00:42:22.907
my parents had gotten divorced

00:42:22.907 --> 00:42:25.809
was because Julia
had had an affair,

00:42:25.809 --> 00:42:27.945
and there was all this
other stuff going on,

00:42:27.945 --> 00:42:30.447
and that kind of came to
light around the same time.

00:42:30.447 --> 00:42:32.583
So there was those feelings

00:42:32.583 --> 00:42:36.553
plus this whole other thing
that I now had to process.

00:42:36.553 --> 00:42:37.988
We got married...

00:42:40.291 --> 00:42:44.561
because I was still
male, legally male,

00:42:44.561 --> 00:42:46.797
and we could still get married.

00:42:46.797 --> 00:42:48.532
So we were kind
of playing a joke

00:42:48.532 --> 00:42:49.967
on the state of New Jersey,

00:42:49.967 --> 00:42:53.103
because we figured
once I got transitioned

00:42:53.103 --> 00:42:55.639
we\'d still be married and Jersey

00:42:55.639 --> 00:42:58.943
couldn\'t do anything
to stop that.

00:42:58.943 --> 00:43:01.111
And so we wanted to
be legally married,

00:43:01.111 --> 00:43:02.813
and that\'s why we did
get married before.

00:43:02.813 --> 00:43:07.518
In retrospect, I
probably shouldn\'t have,

00:43:07.518 --> 00:43:11.088
because I didn\'t understand
the depths that this...

00:43:12.189 --> 00:43:14.224
process takes you through.

00:43:14.224 --> 00:43:16.827
I always felt guilty about Julia

00:43:16.827 --> 00:43:19.930
thinking that the
reason I cut her out

00:43:19.930 --> 00:43:23.133
was because of her transition,

00:43:23.133 --> 00:43:27.471
which, really, it was difficult
to understand and deal with,

00:43:27.471 --> 00:43:30.240
but it was more I was angry
about the more normal thing,

00:43:30.240 --> 00:43:33.477
because that\'s what I had
a frame of reference for,

00:43:33.477 --> 00:43:36.747
was, I don\'t know, it
was a thing I understood

00:43:36.747 --> 00:43:39.049
to be mad about and I
could be mad about that,

00:43:39.049 --> 00:43:43.187
whereas I wasn\'t really
mad about her transition,

00:43:43.187 --> 00:43:46.991
but it was just something I
didn\'t know what to do with

00:43:46.991 --> 00:43:49.259
on any sort of level, I think.

00:43:49.259 --> 00:43:51.628
Sort of in the same
way that understanding

00:43:51.628 --> 00:43:54.131
a gender transition is
too abstract for a kid

00:43:54.131 --> 00:43:58.535
to just talk about, so is
an extra-marital affair.

00:43:58.535 --> 00:43:59.370
Exactly.

00:44:01.672 --> 00:44:02.506
Hello?

00:44:02.506 --> 00:44:04.241
Hi Kate, it\'s Susan.

00:44:04.241 --> 00:44:05.175
Hi.

00:44:05.175 --> 00:44:06.410
Hi, can you hear me okay?

00:44:06.410 --> 00:44:07.745
Yes, I can.

00:44:07.745 --> 00:44:09.346
If I go back between his and her

00:44:09.346 --> 00:44:12.216
when I speak about
Julia as Rich,

00:44:12.216 --> 00:44:14.418
not that I see them as two
separate people, I don\'t,

00:44:14.418 --> 00:44:16.854
but I tend to use
the male sometimes.

00:44:18.722 --> 00:44:23.427
I didn\'t begin to miss Rich
until way after the process,

00:44:23.427 --> 00:44:25.396
and then I realized for
me there was something

00:44:25.396 --> 00:44:28.032
about having a warm
teddy bear kind of man

00:44:28.032 --> 00:44:33.037
that I really loved, and I
missed that part being gone.

00:44:34.204 --> 00:44:36.740
We had some struggles
over if she\'s the woman

00:44:36.740 --> 00:44:39.877
then I\'m the man, and
it\'s no, we\'re both women.

00:44:39.877 --> 00:44:43.614
I tried for a while to
be like the butch woman.

00:44:43.614 --> 00:44:48.552
Now, I\'m 5\'1 and I weigh 120
pounds, and I\'m a little woman.

00:44:48.552 --> 00:44:52.222
I\'m take charge, but there\'s
nothing masculine about me.

00:44:53.457 --> 00:44:56.193
And I think we were
trying to fill that mold

00:44:56.193 --> 00:44:58.562
where, if she\'s the
woman, I\'m the man,

00:44:58.562 --> 00:45:01.732
and that was hard
because we\'re both women.

00:45:01.732 --> 00:45:03.801
And we sort of
worked through that.

00:45:03.801 --> 00:45:06.203
As far as our kids went,

00:45:06.203 --> 00:45:08.772
her kids immediately
wanted no part of her.

00:45:08.772 --> 00:45:11.542
I think she didn\'t handle it
as well as she should have.

00:45:11.542 --> 00:45:13.377
Her ex-wife handled it horribly.

00:45:13.377 --> 00:45:15.612
I think she saw it
as an opportunity

00:45:15.612 --> 00:45:17.714
to end their relationship.

00:45:18.882 --> 00:45:21.051
We went up to Canada
for the surgery.

00:45:21.051 --> 00:45:24.088
That was a horribly hard time...

00:45:24.088 --> 00:45:27.825
for her, because it was
incredibly physically painful.

00:45:27.825 --> 00:45:29.359
I can\'t even imagine.

00:45:29.359 --> 00:45:34.098
Plus the whole trauma of it
being in a strange place.

00:45:34.098 --> 00:45:38.001
And you can\'t say
\"Whoops, changed my mind.\"

00:45:38.001 --> 00:45:40.471
She had to rewrite
her entire life.

00:45:41.605 --> 00:45:44.308
And then she reached
a point where...

00:45:44.308 --> 00:45:45.742
as she said to me, \"I don\'t know

00:45:45.742 --> 00:45:47.244
if I can continue
being with you,

00:45:47.244 --> 00:45:50.280
because you knew me as a
man, and now I\'m a woman.\"

00:45:50.280 --> 00:45:52.716
To me it was an awful betrayal.

00:45:53.851 --> 00:45:55.486
I\'ve been with you
every step of the way,

00:45:55.486 --> 00:45:59.356
and now that you\'re all
cooked, I\'m old news.

00:46:04.761 --> 00:46:07.197
I\'m reading from a quote
in Julia\'s journal,

00:46:07.197 --> 00:46:10.667
dated June 29th, 2002.

00:46:10.667 --> 00:46:14.204
\"To my dear Rube, what more
can I say to you, my love?

00:46:15.405 --> 00:46:18.242
You\'ve loved me beyond
most people\'s limits.

00:46:18.242 --> 00:46:21.278
You have seen beauty in me
when I could only see ugliness.

00:46:22.646 --> 00:46:25.682
Your actions are the epitome
of unconditional love,

00:46:25.682 --> 00:46:28.719
and you have restored
a broken person.

00:46:28.719 --> 00:46:31.622
You are simply the
single best thing

00:46:31.622 --> 00:46:33.323
that has ever happened to me.

00:46:34.491 --> 00:46:36.093
If for some reason
you\'re reading this,

00:46:36.093 --> 00:46:38.462
and I\'m no longer
around in body,

00:46:38.462 --> 00:46:41.798
know that my spirit
is with you always,

00:46:41.798 --> 00:46:44.034
and that I am preparing a
place for us in the universe

00:46:44.034 --> 00:46:45.736
to be together for eternity.\"

00:46:46.870 --> 00:46:48.539
Wow, that\'s beautiful.

00:46:50.807 --> 00:46:53.010
That is beautiful.
It\'s gonna make me cry.

00:46:54.344 --> 00:46:57.381
And it\'s true. I feel
the same way about her.

00:46:57.381 --> 00:46:59.283
I became...

00:46:59.283 --> 00:47:01.351
me with her.

00:47:01.351 --> 00:47:05.255
I began to feel good about
myself as a human being.

00:47:07.224 --> 00:47:12.095
I think it\'s a part of
my life that\'s done.

00:47:12.095 --> 00:47:14.264
Do I still care about
her? Yes, I always will.

00:47:14.264 --> 00:47:15.766
I always will.

00:47:15.766 --> 00:47:19.436
She\'s getting to do all the
things she always wanted,

00:47:19.436 --> 00:47:21.838
as the person she always was.

00:47:21.838 --> 00:47:24.641
But it\'s not where we were.

00:47:24.641 --> 00:47:28.512
And where we were was
overall a wonderful place.

00:47:30.247 --> 00:47:31.615
I loved her with all my heart.

00:47:31.615 --> 00:47:34.084
There\'s a part of
me that still does.

00:47:35.819 --> 00:47:36.753
But it\'s...

00:47:37.988 --> 00:47:38.889
It\'s not now.

00:47:40.657 --> 00:47:41.625
Well, that\'s her.

00:47:45.929 --> 00:47:49.032
She\'s still got it.
She\'s still got my heart.

00:47:49.032 --> 00:47:49.866
Always will.

00:47:52.402 --> 00:47:55.339
We ask God\'s blessings to
be bestowed upon you today

00:47:55.339 --> 00:47:57.441
and all the days of your life.

00:47:57.441 --> 00:47:58.408
You may can kiss.

00:48:04.047 --> 00:48:05.549
I\'m very happy being alone.

00:48:05.549 --> 00:48:07.317
I\'m not totally
alone. I got a cat.

00:48:08.685 --> 00:48:10.654
Thank you very much.
We\'re just friends.

00:48:13.090 --> 00:48:14.057
Nothing going on.

00:48:16.393 --> 00:48:17.561
But my friends are like,

00:48:17.561 --> 00:48:18.562
\"Don\'t you miss
being with somebody?\"

00:48:18.562 --> 00:48:19.396
No!

00:48:20.831 --> 00:48:22.165
Well they go, \"Well how
about sleeping together?\"

00:48:22.165 --> 00:48:23.634
Hell no!

00:48:23.634 --> 00:48:25.002
Oh mu God, sleeping together?

00:48:25.002 --> 00:48:26.670
Oh, what? So we can spoon?

00:48:29.439 --> 00:48:32.109
Come on! That old spooning
thing, that\'s bogus,

00:48:32.109 --> 00:48:33.844
Can I get an amen on that?

00:48:33.844 --> 00:48:35.512
Amen!

00:48:35.512 --> 00:48:37.648
♪ A pretty girl

00:48:37.648 --> 00:48:38.849
I like it.
What do you think?

00:48:38.849 --> 00:48:39.783
I like the way it moves.

00:48:39.783 --> 00:48:42.019
I do too. I like it a lot.

00:48:44.021 --> 00:48:46.223
I\'ve been through any
number of managers

00:48:46.223 --> 00:48:48.558
over the course of my career.

00:48:48.558 --> 00:48:51.662
Most of them have been
managers in name only.

00:48:53.297 --> 00:48:54.998
I just said to her,
\"You\'re the one.

00:48:54.998 --> 00:48:56.533
you\'re gonna be my manager.

00:48:56.533 --> 00:48:58.201
And she goes, she started
laughing, and she goes...

00:48:58.201 --> 00:49:00.504
I don\'t know how to
be a comedy manager.

00:49:00.504 --> 00:49:04.107
I don\'t have those connections.

00:49:04.107 --> 00:49:06.877
And she said, \"Yeah,
but you have it.\"

00:49:06.877 --> 00:49:11.882
I\'ve never met anybody
who unconditionally...

00:49:13.350 --> 00:49:15.485
supported me like she does.

00:49:15.485 --> 00:49:16.920
Not even my...

00:49:16.920 --> 00:49:19.456
Not my wives, not my
mother and father, nobody.

00:49:19.456 --> 00:49:21.458
She\'s been just a rock.

00:49:21.458 --> 00:49:23.994
And so my nickname
for her is Rocky.

00:49:25.429 --> 00:49:28.465
Out of a clear blue sky, my
manager Cathy calls me one day

00:49:28.465 --> 00:49:31.568
and said, \"We have an email
from America\'s Got Talent,

00:49:31.568 --> 00:49:33.670
and they said, \'Would
you like to audition?\'\"

00:49:33.670 --> 00:49:35.605
One of two things
is going to happen.

00:49:35.605 --> 00:49:39.876
I\'m either gonna do really
well, or I\'m really gonna suck.

00:49:39.876 --> 00:49:43.613
if I suck, I just go
back to doing Elk\'s clubs

00:49:43.613 --> 00:49:47.718
and drunken beer bashes.

00:49:47.718 --> 00:49:50.721
If it goes really well,
it could change my life.

00:49:55.025 --> 00:49:56.293
You guys ready to get to it?

00:49:58.562 --> 00:49:59.796
Let\'s rock!

00:49:59.796 --> 00:50:01.164
You know, I\'ve never
seen this show before.

00:50:01.164 --> 00:50:02.065
Really?
Yeah.

00:50:02.065 --> 00:50:03.266
You\'re committed now.

00:50:03.266 --> 00:50:04.301
Yeah.
Oh, there I am.

00:50:04.301 --> 00:50:05.469
Hey!
Hey, I know her!

00:50:06.870 --> 00:50:09.873
I want to show people that
age has nothing to do with it.

00:50:09.873 --> 00:50:12.309
You don\'t stop because
you got gray hair!

00:50:12.309 --> 00:50:15.712
All right, well at least now
they know I\'m not full of crap.

00:50:15.712 --> 00:50:17.381
They don\'t know that at all.

00:50:17.381 --> 00:50:19.449
Well, they know
I\'m full of crap,

00:50:19.449 --> 00:50:21.651
At least they know I\'m
actually on the show.

00:50:23.887 --> 00:50:25.055
Ugh, all right.

00:50:25.055 --> 00:50:26.523
I\'m not live tweeting.

00:50:26.523 --> 00:50:28.492
I want to get my
tweets set up though.

00:50:29.860 --> 00:50:31.795
Why am I not live tweeting?

00:50:31.795 --> 00:50:33.897
Because I live tweet when
everybody else was on.

00:50:33.897 --> 00:50:35.599
I want to watch the show.

00:50:35.599 --> 00:50:37.300
I\'ll tweet when it\'s all over.

00:50:37.300 --> 00:50:39.436
All right, here
we go, here we go!

00:50:40.771 --> 00:50:43.206
I\'m at this age where if
I were on a sinking ship

00:50:43.206 --> 00:50:45.642
and there weren\'t enough
life boats to go around

00:50:45.642 --> 00:50:49.312
and I was getting the last
seat on the last boat,

00:50:49.312 --> 00:50:50.847
and just as I was
about to climb on board

00:50:50.847 --> 00:50:51.815
They\'re gonna put it in.
This young girl comes up,

00:50:51.815 --> 00:50:53.784
giving me the sad face.

00:50:54.951 --> 00:50:57.120
Like I\'m supposed to
change places with her.

00:50:57.120 --> 00:51:00.190
Seriously, I\'m supposed to
say something noble like,

00:51:00.190 --> 00:51:01.124
\"You know, dear...

00:51:02.192 --> 00:51:03.527
I\'ve had a good life.

00:51:04.995 --> 00:51:07.764
\"You take my seat
on the life boat.

00:51:08.965 --> 00:51:09.966
that!

00:51:19.443 --> 00:51:20.677
I didn\'t get to be this old

00:51:20.677 --> 00:51:22.679
by giving up my seat
on the life boat!

00:51:24.815 --> 00:51:27.217
You\'re gonna have to learn
to live with disappointment!

00:51:29.152 --> 00:51:31.054
At least for a couple
of more minutes.

00:51:38.829 --> 00:51:40.197
Thank you so much!

00:51:41.865 --> 00:51:43.934
You\'re gonna make me cry!

00:51:45.602 --> 00:51:47.637
You are a joy.

00:51:48.538 --> 00:51:49.639
Do you know him at all?

00:51:49.639 --> 00:51:50.807
Huh?
Do you know him at all?

00:51:50.807 --> 00:51:52.075
No.

00:51:52.075 --> 00:51:53.777
Why did you start
so late in life?

00:51:56.413 --> 00:51:58.815
I was 28 when I started,

00:51:58.815 --> 00:52:02.519
and I did it for 20 years,
and then I took 11 years off.

00:52:02.519 --> 00:52:04.988
I became a teacher, and
there was other issues.

00:52:06.423 --> 00:52:08.391
Do you wanna know
what they were?

00:52:08.391 --> 00:52:09.993
For the first 48
years of my life,

00:52:09.993 --> 00:52:11.828
I was known as Rick Scotti.

00:52:14.164 --> 00:52:15.832
Oh, no way.

00:52:15.832 --> 00:52:17.968
Wow!
Oh, wow.

00:52:17.968 --> 00:52:19.603
So this is big for me.

00:52:19.603 --> 00:52:22.772
You know, whether you\'re a
man or whether you\'re a woman,

00:52:22.772 --> 00:52:25.041
you\'re human, and you\'re funny!

00:52:25.041 --> 00:52:25.842
Thank you.

00:52:25.842 --> 00:52:26.676
And you\'re talented.

00:52:26.676 --> 00:52:27.511
Thank you.

00:52:27.511 --> 00:52:28.745
And you\'re brave.

00:52:28.745 --> 00:52:30.814
And I\'m so glad
we got to see you.

00:52:30.814 --> 00:52:32.682
Definite yes.

00:52:32.682 --> 00:52:35.352
Obviously, sweetie, it\'s a yes.

00:52:35.352 --> 00:52:38.555
And you got your
fourth yes from me!

00:52:40.957 --> 00:52:41.791
Shocking!

00:52:44.561 --> 00:52:47.130
Oh, man! Thank you so much.

00:52:47.130 --> 00:52:48.298
Oh my god, that was amazing.

00:52:48.298 --> 00:52:49.499
How\'s it feel?

00:52:49.499 --> 00:52:50.467
Oh my God, it\'s
like I want to go on

00:52:50.467 --> 00:52:51.434
and do another 45 minutes.

00:52:51.434 --> 00:52:53.336
It was fantastic. I loved her.

00:52:53.336 --> 00:52:54.337
I love her too.
Amazing.

00:52:54.337 --> 00:52:55.605
She\'s great.

00:52:55.605 --> 00:52:56.873
And I didn\'t have
a heart attack!

00:53:01.077 --> 00:53:02.345
I gotta have a cigarette.

00:53:03.647 --> 00:53:05.949
Look at that! You\'re blowing up!

00:53:05.949 --> 00:53:06.883
That was great.

00:53:06.883 --> 00:53:08.118
What do I do now?

00:53:08.118 --> 00:53:10.420
You can just look at
\'em and revel in the-

00:53:10.420 --> 00:53:12.222
Can I look at \'em after I
come back from the cigarette?

00:53:12.222 --> 00:53:13.757
Yeah, Let \'em mount up.

00:53:18.929 --> 00:53:20.130
They\'re jumping.

00:53:20.130 --> 00:53:23.667
It\'s like jumping up
in 20, intervals of 20.

00:53:27.003 --> 00:53:27.837
Yeah, go smoke.

00:53:27.837 --> 00:53:29.306
I\'m gonna go smoke.

00:53:29.306 --> 00:53:30.273
I can\'t believe I cried.

00:53:30.273 --> 00:53:31.908
I knew it was gonna happen too.

00:53:33.143 --> 00:53:34.711
Yeah, but now it\'s real.

00:53:34.711 --> 00:53:35.979
Yeah.

00:53:35.979 --> 00:53:37.280
Shit\'s getting real now!

00:53:37.280 --> 00:53:39.583
Yeah, someone\'s calling you too.

00:53:39.583 --> 00:53:40.850
Who\'s calling me?

00:53:40.850 --> 00:53:42.352
I don\'t wanna talk to anybody.

00:53:43.753 --> 00:53:44.588
Joey Cola.

00:53:44.588 --> 00:53:45.422
Joey?

00:53:46.990 --> 00:53:48.024
Joe?
Hey!

00:53:48.024 --> 00:53:48.892
Hey.

00:53:48.892 --> 00:53:49.960
Oh my god. Oh my god.

00:53:50.961 --> 00:53:51.795
What\'d ya think?

00:53:51.795 --> 00:53:52.996
I am so proud of you.

00:53:52.996 --> 00:53:53.830
I am so...

00:53:54.931 --> 00:53:55.932
I can\'t even talk.

00:53:55.932 --> 00:53:57.634
Cat, what do I do with all this?

00:53:57.634 --> 00:53:59.803
Just put out a general
Facebook message

00:53:59.803 --> 00:54:01.638
that says \"thank you
all for the well wishes,

00:54:01.638 --> 00:54:03.306
I\'m overwhelmed with gratitude,

00:54:03.306 --> 00:54:07.911
and so excited to see what
the future has in store.\"

00:54:07.911 --> 00:54:09.813
You can also change
your settings

00:54:09.813 --> 00:54:12.749
so that you don\'t see literally
everything that comes in.

00:54:12.749 --> 00:54:13.783
But I want to.

00:54:13.783 --> 00:54:14.784
Okay.

00:54:14.784 --> 00:54:16.753
Why would I not want to see...

00:54:16.753 --> 00:54:18.321
What\'s wrong with you?

00:54:18.321 --> 00:54:20.590
How can you be my son
and not and say that?

00:54:24.461 --> 00:54:26.262
Why would I not want to
see people say nice things?

00:54:26.262 --> 00:54:27.831
You\'re new here and-

00:54:27.831 --> 00:54:28.665
No.

00:54:30.667 --> 00:54:31.501
You always have to-

00:54:31.501 --> 00:54:33.169
We\'ll revisit.

00:54:33.169 --> 00:54:34.371
No, you have to-

00:54:34.371 --> 00:54:36.272
Wúhen people say nice
things, you gotta-

00:54:36.272 --> 00:54:38.775
Yeah, but guess
what they also say.

00:54:38.775 --> 00:54:39.609
Bad things

00:54:39.609 --> 00:54:40.810
Incredibly mean things.

00:54:40.810 --> 00:54:42.412
Well, I\'m not gonna
listen to them.

00:54:43.546 --> 00:54:46.449
I gotta have pizza.
You want pizza?

00:54:46.449 --> 00:54:48.652
I can\'t believe she figured
it out that quickly.

00:54:49.853 --> 00:54:53.923
I don\'t think would have
been nearly as wonderful

00:54:53.923 --> 00:54:56.593
if he weren\'t here
sitting with me.

00:54:58.561 --> 00:55:00.530
The fact that you
were here to see this,

00:55:01.998 --> 00:55:04.501
it just amplified
it like a 1,0000%.

00:55:04.501 --> 00:55:05.935
It just...

00:55:05.935 --> 00:55:07.637
Glad I got to...

00:55:08.972 --> 00:55:09.806
watch you cry.

00:55:10.807 --> 00:55:12.275
Oh, you can see me cry anytime.

00:55:12.275 --> 00:55:14.077
Yeah, it\'s not hard to do.

00:55:14.077 --> 00:55:16.212
I know. It\'s a family trait.

00:55:17.213 --> 00:55:19.149
36 years, man.

00:55:19.149 --> 00:55:20.417
36 years.

00:55:24.387 --> 00:55:25.889
Wow.

00:55:25.889 --> 00:55:28.725
Now, you know this comic
from America\'s Got Talent,

00:55:28.725 --> 00:55:31.695
I\'m will tell you that
you are watching someone

00:55:31.695 --> 00:55:34.597
that is going to
explode on the scene.

00:55:34.597 --> 00:55:36.666
Life has changed drastically.

00:55:36.666 --> 00:55:39.169
I used to be able to walk
down the street for years

00:55:39.169 --> 00:55:41.304
and even my relatives
wouldn\'t recognize me,

00:55:41.304 --> 00:55:43.907
and now people just sort
of just out of the shadows

00:55:43.907 --> 00:55:45.842
sometimes, and just
go, \"It\'s you!\"

00:55:45.842 --> 00:55:48.211
They don\'t know my name,
but they go, \"It\'s you!\"

00:55:48.211 --> 00:55:50.647
There\'s probably
more of a market now

00:55:50.647 --> 00:55:52.482
for the things that
she\'s talking about

00:55:52.482 --> 00:55:54.684
than there ever has
been, so that...

00:55:54.684 --> 00:55:58.855
It\'d be nice to see her
safely touring the country.

00:55:58.855 --> 00:56:00.090
I worry about that now.

00:56:00.090 --> 00:56:04.661
So I think anywhere she
can get her voice out

00:56:04.661 --> 00:56:06.496
and her story out, I think

00:56:06.496 --> 00:56:08.565
that\'s only gonna
be beneficial for

00:56:08.565 --> 00:56:09.933
people who relate
to it and people

00:56:09.933 --> 00:56:12.435
who could benefit
from hearing about it.

00:56:12.435 --> 00:56:14.170
The last time I
was at Caroline\'s

00:56:14.170 --> 00:56:17.107
was probably the late 1980s.

00:56:17.107 --> 00:56:22.011
And so, coming back here
and headlining is huge.

00:56:22.011 --> 00:56:23.113
One more time.

00:56:23.113 --> 00:56:25.315
Julia, come hither.

00:56:25.315 --> 00:56:26.750
How dost-

00:56:26.750 --> 00:56:28.184
Put some oomph into it,

00:56:28.184 --> 00:56:30.420
like you were saying,
\"Julia, show me your tits.\"

00:56:30.420 --> 00:56:31.354
That kind of thing.

00:56:33.056 --> 00:56:35.058
Julia, come hither.

00:56:35.058 --> 00:56:37.093
Ooh. ooh!

00:56:39.829 --> 00:56:40.663
Ooh!

00:56:44.701 --> 00:56:45.935
All right, so I\'m
going to be over here

00:56:45.935 --> 00:56:47.804
combing my golden locks.

00:56:51.508 --> 00:56:53.243
Julia, come hither!

00:56:54.577 --> 00:56:55.712
Why, \'tis Al...

00:56:56.746 --> 00:56:57.547
my lover!

00:57:02.318 --> 00:57:03.419
Yes, my love?

00:57:04.387 --> 00:57:05.688
How dost thou love me?

00:57:09.359 --> 00:57:10.960
How do I love thee?

00:57:10.960 --> 00:57:13.029
Let me count the ways.

00:57:13.029 --> 00:57:15.832
I love thee to the depths
and breadths and height

00:57:15.832 --> 00:57:18.802
my soul can reach when
feeling out of sight

00:57:18.802 --> 00:57:21.538
for the ends of
being an ideal grace.

00:57:21.538 --> 00:57:25.542
I love thee to the level of
each day\'s most quiet need.

00:57:26.509 --> 00:57:28.411
By sun and candlelight.

00:57:30.680 --> 00:57:35.418
And if God choose, I should
but love thee more after death.

00:57:42.258 --> 00:57:44.194
That\'s a love letter.
Give him a hand!

00:57:47.831 --> 00:57:51.134
But see, nobody writes
stuff like that anymore.

00:57:51.134 --> 00:57:53.203
No, nobody does
that. What do we do?

00:57:53.203 --> 00:57:55.104
We text. We text.

00:57:57.440 --> 00:57:58.942
Yo, sup bitch?

00:58:00.610 --> 00:58:02.579
Be over at 7:00
to hit that thang.

00:58:04.380 --> 00:58:05.648
Loses something, right?

00:58:05.648 --> 00:58:07.417
You\'ve done that,
you\'ve done that.

00:58:07.417 --> 00:58:08.251
Haven\'t you?

00:58:10.687 --> 00:58:13.857
I can\'t stop sweating. I hope
I\'m nothaving a heart attack.

00:58:15.959 --> 00:58:17.393
Wouldn\'t that be terrible?

00:58:18.828 --> 00:58:19.896
No.

00:58:24.300 --> 00:58:26.803
AGT contestant drops
dead on New York stage.

00:59:17.587 --> 00:59:19.656
So, Merry Christmas.
Here we are.

00:59:19.656 --> 00:59:21.691
This is exactly how we
planned it to happen.

00:59:21.691 --> 00:59:23.192
Oh yeah.

00:59:24.127 --> 00:59:26.129
So apparently what happened was

00:59:26.129 --> 00:59:28.364
Julia went in for spine surgery

00:59:28.364 --> 00:59:30.099
and had to get some
pre-testing done,

00:59:30.099 --> 00:59:32.502
and they found her
heart was enlarged,

00:59:32.502 --> 00:59:35.238
and so we went in
for cardiac cath,

00:59:35.238 --> 00:59:37.073
found out we had some blockages

00:59:37.073 --> 00:59:38.908
and needed a couple
valve replacements,

00:59:38.908 --> 00:59:43.112
so that happened three
days ago, I think it was,

00:59:43.112 --> 00:59:46.249
and we are in the
recovery process now.

00:59:46.249 --> 00:59:48.584
And we got our girl
back up and on her feet.

00:59:48.584 --> 00:59:50.853
So, unexpected,

00:59:50.853 --> 00:59:53.256
but you were having a lot
of shortness of breath.

00:59:53.256 --> 00:59:55.258
I was.

00:59:55.258 --> 00:59:57.226
Ws really, physically, you
were really compromised.

00:59:57.226 --> 00:59:58.461
I remember you saying, \"Cat,

00:59:58.461 --> 01:00:00.430
I don\'t feel well,
I don\'t feel right.\"

01:00:00.430 --> 01:00:02.966
Yeah, I knew something
was wrong, and I knew...

01:00:05.134 --> 01:00:09.138
It just never seemed to be as
bad as it turned out to be.

01:00:10.373 --> 01:00:12.175
I mean, it turned
out to be bad bad.

01:00:13.309 --> 01:00:17.280
Like bad, like dying
bad, like dirt nap bad.

01:00:20.350 --> 01:00:21.651
Bad!

01:00:21.651 --> 01:00:22.652
All right, we get it.

01:00:22.652 --> 01:00:23.820
Okay.

01:00:23.820 --> 01:00:25.655
As you can see,
she\'s getting better.

01:00:26.889 --> 01:00:28.758
But yeah, so we\'re
on the rebound.

01:00:28.758 --> 01:00:31.527
We\'re going to be
back better than ever.

01:00:31.527 --> 01:00:34.530
I think you\'ll have much
more energy on stage.

01:00:34.530 --> 01:00:36.599
I think you\'ll
feel a ton better.

01:00:36.599 --> 01:00:38.801
And that\'s where
we are right now.

01:00:38.801 --> 01:00:40.870
Unexpected, but this is
what happens in life,

01:00:40.870 --> 01:00:42.638
and you pulled
through like a champ.

01:00:43.806 --> 01:00:44.607
We\'re here.

01:00:47.443 --> 01:00:48.778
I quit smoking.

01:00:48.778 --> 01:00:51.247
Oh yeah, that\'s right.
You quit smoking.

01:00:51.247 --> 01:00:52.448
Quit smoking.

01:00:56.853 --> 01:00:58.588
I don\'t need a
hammer over my head.

01:00:59.922 --> 01:01:02.492
This one has been superwoman.

01:01:03.993 --> 01:01:06.229
I love you.
I love you, too.

01:01:06.229 --> 01:01:07.063
You know I do.

01:01:12.068 --> 01:01:15.471
She hasn\'t left my
side since I got home.

01:01:20.243 --> 01:01:22.678
Julia, what\'s your
day been like today?

01:01:24.047 --> 01:01:25.248
Couple friends came over.

01:01:25.248 --> 01:01:27.617
They did some shopping for me.

01:01:27.617 --> 01:01:28.851
Who\'s that?

01:01:28.851 --> 01:01:29.852
Huh?

01:01:29.852 --> 01:01:31.087
Who came by?

01:01:31.087 --> 01:01:32.188
Some ladies from
the neighborhood.

01:01:33.756 --> 01:01:35.958
People have been helping
out tremendously.

01:01:37.093 --> 01:01:39.629
My friend Cathy Folk
stayed over last night.

01:01:41.564 --> 01:01:45.601
You know, Cathy Caldwell has
been just doing yeoman\'s work,

01:01:45.601 --> 01:01:50.006
but my day today, everybody
left a couple hours ago,

01:01:50.006 --> 01:01:52.075
and I\'m just sort
of relaxing here.

01:01:53.276 --> 01:01:54.744
Cathy Folk will be
coming back tonight

01:01:54.744 --> 01:01:56.646
to spend the night.

01:01:56.646 --> 01:01:59.649
And Mary Ann, my friend Mary Ann

01:01:59.649 --> 01:02:01.317
will be coming by after work.

01:02:03.219 --> 01:02:07.290
So I\'ve been very blessed.

01:02:07.290 --> 01:02:10.259
I\'m a very private
person, a very...

01:02:11.427 --> 01:02:14.063
always took pride
in my independence,

01:02:14.063 --> 01:02:18.267
and the biggest, the most
humbling thing out of this

01:02:18.267 --> 01:02:20.369
is that, if you\'re independent,

01:02:21.737 --> 01:02:25.842
you\'re an asshole, because
people take joy in helping out,

01:02:27.009 --> 01:02:29.979
and you should take joy
in taking their help.

01:02:31.747 --> 01:02:33.416
It\'s a sign of love, you know?

01:02:33.416 --> 01:02:36.085
It took me a long
time to understand it.

01:02:36.085 --> 01:02:38.387
I mean, there were
people that...

01:02:38.387 --> 01:02:40.823
There\'s some ladies in the
neighborhood, like I said,

01:02:40.823 --> 01:02:43.659
that they just took
up a collection.

01:02:43.659 --> 01:02:45.595
They don\'t have any money,

01:02:45.595 --> 01:02:48.998
and they got like 20
bucks together last night

01:02:48.998 --> 01:02:52.468
so that these women could
go and buy me medical,

01:02:52.468 --> 01:02:54.570
like gauze pads and
stuff this morning.

01:03:00.109 --> 01:03:02.478
It\'s so touching,
I can\'t even...

01:03:02.478 --> 01:03:03.779
I can\'t even tell you.

01:03:03.779 --> 01:03:05.581
Let me grab this. It
might be a doctor.

01:03:05.581 --> 01:03:06.415
Let me grab this.

01:03:06.415 --> 01:03:07.650
Sure, sure.

01:03:07.650 --> 01:03:09.218
Nevermind. They hung
up, so nevermind.

01:03:09.218 --> 01:03:13.856
You referenced an
event that happened.

01:03:13.856 --> 01:03:14.857
There was a guy there that,

01:03:14.857 --> 01:03:17.426
he\'s a respiratory therapist.

01:03:17.426 --> 01:03:20.530
Granted, I didn\'t look
exactly super feminine

01:03:20.530 --> 01:03:23.466
in the hospital, but
he kept calling me he,

01:03:23.466 --> 01:03:24.901
and I kept correcting him,

01:03:24.901 --> 01:03:26.969
to the point where it
was driving me nuts.

01:03:26.969 --> 01:03:28.905
One day, my daughter was there,

01:03:28.905 --> 01:03:32.241
Cathy Caldwell was there,
and Paul Morazano was there,

01:03:32.241 --> 01:03:34.343
and they heard it, too.

01:03:34.343 --> 01:03:37.547
I\'m not imagining this,
that he\'s calling me he.

01:03:37.547 --> 01:03:38.848
So I said, \"I\'ll take care of it

01:03:38.848 --> 01:03:40.950
when you guys are all gone.\"

01:03:40.950 --> 01:03:43.753
And he came by later,
the respiratory guy.

01:03:43.753 --> 01:03:45.421
He wanted to go do the therapy,

01:03:45.421 --> 01:03:48.724
and I said, \"Not until you
sit and we talk first.\"

01:03:48.724 --> 01:03:50.660
And I said, \"I don\'t
know what\'s your problem

01:03:50.660 --> 01:03:53.729
with trans folks are, if
you have one,\" I said,

01:03:53.729 --> 01:03:56.199
\"But this has got to stop.\"

01:03:56.199 --> 01:03:59.035
I said, \"Personally, I don\'t
care what you think of me,

01:03:59.035 --> 01:04:01.604
but there are people out
there, kids in particular,

01:04:01.604 --> 01:04:03.172
who it matters to,

01:04:03.172 --> 01:04:05.841
who you can hurt
with these words.\"

01:04:05.841 --> 01:04:07.743
I said, \"You stop it now,

01:04:07.743 --> 01:04:11.547
or I stop it by taking
it to the next level.\"

01:04:11.547 --> 01:04:13.749
And he said, \"Well,
according to your charts,

01:04:13.749 --> 01:04:15.484
you can see how I can
make that mistake.\"

01:04:15.484 --> 01:04:16.686
I go, \"No.\"

01:04:16.686 --> 01:04:18.621
I said, \"Nobody else
is making that mistake.

01:04:18.621 --> 01:04:19.789
You\'re the only one.\"

01:04:19.789 --> 01:04:21.624
So he apologized,

01:04:21.624 --> 01:04:25.061
and he caught himself
a couple of more times,

01:04:25.061 --> 01:04:26.295
and then I just checked out,

01:04:26.295 --> 01:04:28.231
but that was basically
the incident, yeah.

01:04:28.231 --> 01:04:29.732
It sounded like you handled it

01:04:29.732 --> 01:04:31.901
in the best possible
way you could.

01:04:31.901 --> 01:04:34.203
Well, had I been able
to get out of bed,

01:04:34.203 --> 01:04:35.438
the best possible way I could

01:04:35.438 --> 01:04:36.539
would have been to
kick him in the nuts

01:04:36.539 --> 01:04:38.207
and shove him out a window.

01:04:38.207 --> 01:04:41.577
In lieu of that, I decided to
go with the diplomatic route.

01:04:46.649 --> 01:04:50.019
It doesn\'t matter if
it\'s trans or gay...

01:04:51.454 --> 01:04:55.524
or you like to wear flippers
and walk around the house

01:04:55.524 --> 01:04:57.159
in a duck suit.

01:04:57.159 --> 01:05:00.463
If it\'s your truth, it\'s going
to be tough to talk about.

01:05:02.698 --> 01:05:05.901
That\'s what makes
stand-up hard...

01:05:07.236 --> 01:05:08.571
opening your soul...

01:05:10.206 --> 01:05:12.475
so that everyone
can see it, and...

01:05:14.910 --> 01:05:16.212
just putting it out there.

01:05:22.652 --> 01:05:24.787
Now, I\'m gonna bring
up your headliner.

01:05:24.787 --> 01:05:29.258
And I\'m telling you, this
lady is really funny, okay?

01:05:29.258 --> 01:05:32.228
She was a finalist on
America\'s Got Talent.

01:05:32.228 --> 01:05:33.062
Yes, yes.

01:05:34.463 --> 01:05:37.600
Recently, she\'s been
on life support.

01:05:40.002 --> 01:05:42.838
Which worked out
well, thank god, okay?

01:05:44.006 --> 01:05:45.007
And she\'s right
now in the middle

01:05:45.007 --> 01:05:47.777
of her \"I\'m not dead yet\" tour.

01:05:49.078 --> 01:05:49.912
\'Cause she\'s not.

01:05:51.247 --> 01:05:53.182
My personal friend,

01:05:53.182 --> 01:05:55.518
one of the funniest
comedians I\'ve ever seen,

01:05:55.518 --> 01:05:59.188
please give it up
for Ms. Julia Scotti,

01:05:59.188 --> 01:06:00.222
your headliner tonight.

01:06:00.222 --> 01:06:02.625
Hey! All right!

01:06:02.625 --> 01:06:03.459
Oh!

01:06:04.794 --> 01:06:08.097
So, yeah, I am on the
I\'m not dead yet tour,

01:06:08.097 --> 01:06:10.633
because back around
Christmastime, right,

01:06:10.633 --> 01:06:15.304
two days after Christmas,
I had a quadruple bypass.

01:06:15.304 --> 01:06:17.740
I know!

01:06:17.740 --> 01:06:19.809
Let me tell you something.

01:06:19.809 --> 01:06:22.044
It\'s not as much
fun as it sounds.

01:06:27.350 --> 01:06:28.884
Two days before Christmas.

01:06:28.884 --> 01:06:31.454
And somebody called me while I
was in the hospital and said,

01:06:31.454 --> 01:06:33.356
\"You know, I didn\'t get a
card from you this year.\"

01:06:36.759 --> 01:06:38.327
I\'m like, \"I\'m sorry I
didn\'t get around to it,

01:06:38.327 --> 01:06:40.329
but I was busy
trying not to die!\"

01:06:42.531 --> 01:06:44.467
What\'d you have? A double?

01:06:44.467 --> 01:06:45.301
Pussy. Come on.

01:06:49.305 --> 01:06:51.307
I could do a double
standing on my head.

01:06:55.044 --> 01:06:56.579
How they found out
I needed the surgery

01:06:56.579 --> 01:06:59.048
was I went for a stress test,

01:06:59.048 --> 01:07:00.649
and it\'s a perfect
name for that test

01:07:00.649 --> 01:07:02.418
because I don\'t care how healthy

01:07:02.418 --> 01:07:04.253
you think your heart is,

01:07:04.253 --> 01:07:07.022
it ain\'t going to come
out the way you thought.

01:07:07.022 --> 01:07:09.792
They ask you all these
questions. You get interrogated.

01:07:09.792 --> 01:07:12.628
It\'s like being on a
\"Law and Order\" episode,

01:07:13.796 --> 01:07:15.698
\'cause they come up
to you, and it\'s like,

01:07:15.698 --> 01:07:17.867
\"You get tired easily?\"

01:07:17.867 --> 01:07:18.701
\"Yeah.\"

01:07:18.701 --> 01:07:19.535
\"Do you smoke?\"

01:07:22.004 --> 01:07:22.838
\"Yeah.\"

01:07:24.440 --> 01:07:25.775
\"How much?\"

01:07:25.775 --> 01:07:27.042
\"I don\'t want to tell you.\"

01:07:28.878 --> 01:07:30.946
And then they start, so at
this point they got you.

01:07:30.946 --> 01:07:32.148
You\'ll answer to anything.

01:07:32.148 --> 01:07:34.016
You\'ll agree to
anything, anything.

01:07:34.016 --> 01:07:36.952
It\'s like, \"Do you wear
socks to bed at night?\"

01:07:38.220 --> 01:07:39.155
\"Yes.\"

01:07:39.155 --> 01:07:40.489
\"Did you ever screw the pooch?

01:07:42.591 --> 01:07:43.592
Do you ever shit bricks?\"

01:07:43.592 --> 01:07:44.927
\"Not til now!\"

01:07:48.230 --> 01:07:51.434
\"Were you on the grassy knoll
in Dallas in November 1963?\"

01:07:53.202 --> 01:07:54.904
\"Yes, yes, it was me!

01:07:56.338 --> 01:07:58.574
I was 11 years old! I could
barely pick up the rifle!

01:07:59.842 --> 01:08:01.844
I stood behind Zapruder!\"

01:08:08.751 --> 01:08:12.288
So it turned out my heart was
clogged with like pastry...

01:08:13.956 --> 01:08:15.291
and cheeseburgers.

01:08:16.692 --> 01:08:18.894
So in case you didn\'t
know it, I should tell you

01:08:18.894 --> 01:08:20.262
that I\'m transgender.

01:08:21.464 --> 01:08:23.365
Any transgender people
here? Let me hear you.

01:08:25.601 --> 01:08:27.470
We have a child.

01:08:27.470 --> 01:08:28.404
You have a child?

01:08:28.404 --> 01:08:29.338
A transgender child.

01:08:29.338 --> 01:08:32.041
Oh, good for you! Where are you?

01:08:32.041 --> 01:08:34.276
Way in the back.

01:08:34.276 --> 01:08:35.878
That\'s these
trans-phobic bastards.

01:08:35.878 --> 01:08:36.846
They put you in the back.

01:08:38.247 --> 01:08:39.515
You should be up here with me.

01:08:39.515 --> 01:08:40.816
You should be on my...

01:08:42.017 --> 01:08:43.586
Get out of here and let
those people sit there!

01:08:45.821 --> 01:08:48.624
There\'s a part of me that
hasn\'t reconciled yet

01:08:48.624 --> 01:08:51.260
that, even though
it\'s a joyful thing

01:08:51.260 --> 01:08:53.629
that I figured out who I am,

01:08:53.629 --> 01:08:57.233
I\'m pissed off that it took
me this long to get to it.

01:08:57.233 --> 01:08:59.768
And so, I look at my life now,

01:08:59.768 --> 01:09:01.904
where I\'ve got so
much more to say.

01:09:03.072 --> 01:09:04.073
But I\'m getting to
this point where

01:09:04.073 --> 01:09:06.442
I know my time here is...

01:09:07.309 --> 01:09:08.777
The clock\'s counting down.

01:09:10.779 --> 01:09:12.014
None of us know
how long we have,

01:09:12.014 --> 01:09:13.649
but I don\'t want
to dwell on that,

01:09:13.649 --> 01:09:18.654
but I just find a lot of
humor in looking at mortality

01:09:19.522 --> 01:09:20.389
and just saying, screw you.

01:09:21.557 --> 01:09:23.025
You could take me tomorrow,

01:09:23.025 --> 01:09:25.094
but I\'m going out of here
bitching and moaning,

01:09:26.095 --> 01:09:27.563
and doing what I want to do.

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Julia Scotti: Funny That Way

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