WEBVTT

00:00:02.167 --> 00:00:04.584
(film projector
clicks and whirs)

00:00:15.167 --> 00:00:17.374
♪ Come forth to my grave ♪

00:00:17.375 --> 00:00:20.374
♪ Bring with you young woman ♪

00:00:20.375 --> 00:00:23.208
♪ For young woman I crave ♪

00:00:23.209 --> 00:00:27.541
♪ Young woman I crave ♪

00:00:27.542 --> 00:00:29.041
♪ If you can\'t bring me woman ♪

00:00:29.042 --> 00:00:30.875
♪ Won\'t you bring me a drink? ♪

00:00:30.876 --> 00:00:33.625
♪ Good corn whiskey
should do, I think ♪

00:00:33.626 --> 00:00:35.166
[blows goose caller]

00:00:35.167 --> 00:00:39.375
♪ Should do
I think ♪

00:00:40.667 --> 00:00:42.458
[♪♪♪]

00:00:42.459 --> 00:00:44.999
Okay, somebody got a bullet?

00:00:45.000 --> 00:00:46.791
So this is how you do it.

00:00:46.792 --> 00:00:48.625
This is called a goose caller.

00:00:48.626 --> 00:00:54.792
An Inuvialuit goose caller,
and they\'re free.

00:00:56.751 --> 00:00:57.542
[blowing]

00:00:57.543 --> 00:00:59.709
[whistles]

00:01:05.542 --> 00:01:07.500
[buzzes into
a goose-like honk]

00:01:07.501 --> 00:01:08.666
You see how much
it\'s sticking out?

00:01:08.667 --> 00:01:10.999
See where my thumb is
and my fingers are?

00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:11.417
Okay?

00:01:11.418 --> 00:01:13.708
And then you put your teeth
right here.

00:01:13.709 --> 00:01:15.416
Your teeth on this side.

00:01:15.417 --> 00:01:17.082
[goose call honks]

00:01:17.083 --> 00:01:18.166
I want one.

00:01:18.167 --> 00:01:19.000
Don\'t bite it.

00:01:19.001 --> 00:01:20.291
Very lightly.

00:01:20.292 --> 00:01:21.333
[blows goose honk]

00:01:21.334 --> 00:01:22.833
Good job.

00:01:22.834 --> 00:01:23.958
[toots goose call]

00:01:23.959 --> 00:01:24.626
Holy man!

00:01:24.626 --> 00:01:25.542
Honkers coming in!
Coming in low!

00:01:25.543 --> 00:01:29.291
[Dennis]: Our kids
are four and six years old,

00:01:29.292 --> 00:01:30.374
and by taking them out here,

00:01:30.375 --> 00:01:34.374
I expose them to
some of the traditions

00:01:34.375 --> 00:01:35.666
that kept us strong,

00:01:35.667 --> 00:01:42.250
and maybe even freedom
from some of our past burdens.

00:01:44.334 --> 00:01:48.250
[♪♪♪]

00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:57.666
I was born in Inuvik.

00:01:57.667 --> 00:02:01.083
Where we grew up
was called Co-op Hill.

00:02:03.292 --> 00:02:04.666
About half of the kids

00:02:04.667 --> 00:02:08.124
came from homes
where there was alcohol abuse,

00:02:08.125 --> 00:02:09.918
and the other half didn\'t.

00:02:12.375 --> 00:02:15.999
[school bell rings]

00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:18.792
We saw a lot of drinking.

00:02:20.501 --> 00:02:25.292
When I look back on it,
it was staggering.

00:02:27.751 --> 00:02:35.751
People were drinking hairspray,
they were drinking solvents.

00:02:36.542 --> 00:02:40.833
The drinking got
totally out of control.

00:02:40.834 --> 00:02:42.917
It was almost like wildfire,

00:02:42.918 --> 00:02:47.458
and I can understand it, too,
because I\'m an alcoholic.

00:02:47.459 --> 00:02:49.750
When I drink, I can\'t stop.

00:02:49.751 --> 00:02:52.583
I either drink till I pass out,

00:02:52.584 --> 00:02:54.082
or I drink
till there\'s nothing left,

00:02:54.083 --> 00:02:56.917
and I can\'t find any more
in town or anywhere,

00:02:56.918 --> 00:03:01.083
and only then,
and only then will I stop.

00:03:02.125 --> 00:03:06.709
[neon buzz droning]

00:03:08.584 --> 00:03:09.666
The first time I drank,

00:03:09.667 --> 00:03:13.166
it was the summer going into
Grade Seven,

00:03:13.167 --> 00:03:15.459
going into high school.

00:03:16.751 --> 00:03:18.917
There was a, um, a group home,

00:03:18.918 --> 00:03:20.917
a receiving home,
we used to call them,

00:03:20.918 --> 00:03:22.999
just down the hill
from our house,

00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:24.208
right next door, basically,

00:03:24.209 --> 00:03:25.999
and there was all
kids that were in care.

00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:28.082
They all stayed inside
this little house.

00:03:28.083 --> 00:03:31.791
And one of the boys went,
and he broke into a warehouse,

00:03:31.792 --> 00:03:34.208
and he stole
a case of church wine.

00:03:34.209 --> 00:03:35.000
[chuckles]

00:03:35.001 --> 00:03:38.583
And, uh, me and my little friend
were riding our bicycles,

00:03:38.584 --> 00:03:40.208
our little banana bikes,
we were riding around,

00:03:40.209 --> 00:03:44.958
and this guy said,
\"Hey, you want a drink?\"

00:03:44.959 --> 00:03:50.833
and we just dropped our bicycles
right there, right on the road.

00:03:50.834 --> 00:03:51.334
I was so excited,

00:03:51.335 --> 00:03:53.291
and we started
mixing it with pop.

00:03:53.292 --> 00:03:55.500
I remember
we mixed it with Coke,

00:03:55.501 --> 00:03:57.333
and we were drinking it,

00:03:57.334 --> 00:04:01.166
and I remember right away

00:04:01.167 --> 00:04:03.166
I started getting
that really warm feeling,

00:04:03.167 --> 00:04:05.918
getting that buzz
from the alcohol...

00:04:08.042 --> 00:04:12.583
and I just remember that feeling
of, \"Holy shit, man.

00:04:12.584 --> 00:04:16.167
\"This is what it is.
This is what they\'re after.\"

00:04:19.083 --> 00:04:20.333
It was magic.

00:04:20.334 --> 00:04:23.124
It was such a wonderful feeling,

00:04:23.125 --> 00:04:24.333
and from that day on,

00:04:24.334 --> 00:04:27.626
I believe that\'s when
I became alcoholic.

00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:33.500
[birds calling]

00:04:33.501 --> 00:04:36.333
I\'d just been sober
maybe a year or two,

00:04:36.334 --> 00:04:37.666
and I was looking for

00:04:37.667 --> 00:04:42.458
anything to help me
get some sanity back.

00:04:42.459 --> 00:04:47.333
Somehow I came across
the book \"Crazywater.\"

00:04:47.334 --> 00:04:51.333
It was our story
told by us, basically.

00:04:51.334 --> 00:04:54.333
It was the first time
I heard other Native people

00:04:54.334 --> 00:04:58.833
talk, like, candidly and openly
about their drinking.

00:04:58.834 --> 00:05:01.833
Finally feeling like
someone knew

00:05:01.834 --> 00:05:03.333
what the heck
I was going through,

00:05:03.334 --> 00:05:06.458
let alone other
Native people in Canada.

00:05:06.459 --> 00:05:07.708
You know what, Brian?

00:05:07.709 --> 00:05:10.458
I had no idea what to do

00:05:10.459 --> 00:05:11.999
other than string myself up,

00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:15.166
until someone
handed me your book.

00:05:15.167 --> 00:05:17.208
I think it was one guy\'s story

00:05:17.209 --> 00:05:18.750
about how he was grieving,

00:05:18.751 --> 00:05:19.833
grieving his loss.

00:05:19.834 --> 00:05:23.999
That was the first time,
the first time I, uh,

00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:29.166
I ever heard of anybody
talking about alcoholism.

00:05:29.167 --> 00:05:32.041
[Brian]: I knew that the story
of Native people and alcohol

00:05:32.042 --> 00:05:34.291
was one that touches
all of our people,

00:05:34.292 --> 00:05:37.833
and I thought that
if I could come up with a...

00:05:37.834 --> 00:05:40.958
a way of dealing
with that in print,

00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:42.917
it would leave something lasting

00:05:42.918 --> 00:05:45.041
that would probably, hopefully,

00:05:45.042 --> 00:05:47.459
contribute to solutions.

00:05:54.000 --> 00:05:54.792
[Dennis]: It\'s no secret

00:05:54.793 --> 00:05:57.625
that we have trouble
with alcohol and drugs.

00:05:57.626 --> 00:06:00.791
You know, all you\'ve got to do
is just, you know,

00:06:00.792 --> 00:06:04.583
go and look out
down in the inner cities

00:06:04.584 --> 00:06:05.708
and on the reserves,

00:06:05.709 --> 00:06:07.416
and, you know,
you\'ll see there\'s...

00:06:07.417 --> 00:06:10.958
there\'s still a lot of
alcohol and drug abuse

00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:13.249
in our communities.

00:06:13.250 --> 00:06:17.541
I want to get people to start
talking about our own denial

00:06:17.542 --> 00:06:18.999
about our own alcoholism.

00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:24.584
How can anybody understand us
if we don\'t tell our story?

00:06:29.292 --> 00:06:32.333
[Alex]: This fringe
is going to go on my apron.

00:06:32.334 --> 00:06:36.626
I made this apron, I don\'t know,
about six months ago.

00:06:39.751 --> 00:06:43.166
Hobiyee is
the highlight of the year.

00:06:43.167 --> 00:06:47.500
It allows nations
to get together

00:06:47.501 --> 00:06:51.333
and to show a tiny portion
of our culture

00:06:51.334 --> 00:06:58.082
to those who come out
and witness such an event.

00:06:58.083 --> 00:07:00.875
I was at
two residential schools,

00:07:00.876 --> 00:07:05.333
Port Alberni and Alert Bay,
for two years.

00:07:05.334 --> 00:07:09.792
[sewing machine whirring]

00:07:10.250 --> 00:07:11.666
People have reasons
why they drink,

00:07:11.667 --> 00:07:15.249
maybe a loss of job,
or loss of family, right?

00:07:15.250 --> 00:07:19.374
But for me, it was
the abuse that I went through.

00:07:19.375 --> 00:07:20.583
That\'s why I drink.

00:07:20.584 --> 00:07:23.958
And I\'ll never forget
the first drunk.

00:07:23.959 --> 00:07:26.458
It was a punch.

00:07:26.459 --> 00:07:28.124
I didn\'t know
what people were telling me,

00:07:28.125 --> 00:07:30.166
to just have a... have a cup,

00:07:30.167 --> 00:07:32.208
so I drank it.

00:07:32.209 --> 00:07:33.750
It just kicked in...
[snaps fingers]

00:07:33.751 --> 00:07:36.792
it kicked in right away.

00:07:40.375 --> 00:07:42.041
I got really high, drunk,

00:07:42.042 --> 00:07:44.999
and then I remember
standing behind this door,

00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:47.333
the front door,
and people were coming in,

00:07:47.334 --> 00:07:48.083
I\'m standing right in there,

00:07:48.084 --> 00:07:51.625
it\'s like I\'m locked in
behind this door, and it\'s...

00:07:51.626 --> 00:07:56.167
and then after that,
I don\'t remember nothing.

00:07:57.000 --> 00:07:58.791
[♪♪♪]

00:07:58.792 --> 00:08:01.125
[distant sirens wail]

00:08:02.918 --> 00:08:06.291
[Paula]: My grandmother
drank all the time,

00:08:06.292 --> 00:08:10.250
and then the partying lifestyle
was handed down.

00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:15.666
I inherited all the sexual abuse

00:08:15.667 --> 00:08:17.667
and all of the violence.

00:08:21.209 --> 00:08:24.458
I was thrust into
a torturous lifestyle

00:08:24.459 --> 00:08:28.124
by the age of three.

00:08:28.125 --> 00:08:36.125
I\'m just grateful
that I have the courage to stop.

00:08:36.542 --> 00:08:40.666
I had been shooting up
in Edmonton since I was 11.

00:08:40.667 --> 00:08:42.333
I think I was 28 years old,

00:08:42.334 --> 00:08:43.167
and this is the corner

00:08:43.168 --> 00:08:48.209
that I first came to
when I came to Vancouver...

00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:57.708
where I, more or less,
claimed as mine.

00:08:57.709 --> 00:09:02.166
I ended up staying here
for a long time.

00:09:02.167 --> 00:09:05.041
Back then, I was only on 100,
$100 in welfare,

00:09:05.042 --> 00:09:07.584
and that\'d only last me an hour.

00:09:11.667 --> 00:09:12.626
I had a very high addiction.

00:09:12.627 --> 00:09:18.626
I probably went through
about 500, easy, a day.

00:09:36.959 --> 00:09:39.792
[Stephen]:
I grew up in white society.

00:09:40.834 --> 00:09:44.333
Because my stepfather
was in a residential school,

00:09:44.334 --> 00:09:47.124
we were raised
that we weren\'t Indian,

00:09:47.125 --> 00:09:50.167
that we were white.

00:09:56.417 --> 00:09:59.541
My mom drank,
my stepfather drank,

00:09:59.542 --> 00:10:04.166
grandfather drank,
my aunts and uncles all drank,

00:10:04.167 --> 00:10:08.501
so it was around me
continuously.

00:10:09.292 --> 00:10:13.249
I started drinking
at the age of eight,

00:10:13.250 --> 00:10:19.209
and got into the harder drugs
when I was 14.

00:10:20.501 --> 00:10:23.500
But I\'ve been clean
off the drugs now

00:10:23.501 --> 00:10:24.625
for about nine years.

00:10:24.626 --> 00:10:25.791
It\'s just the alcohol
I\'m trying to kick.

00:10:25.792 --> 00:10:30.167
With the alcohol, I always
get myself in trouble.

00:10:32.167 --> 00:10:34.082
It\'s like a saying
I always have, you know,

00:10:34.083 --> 00:10:35.500
I\'m allergic to alcohol,
you know.

00:10:35.501 --> 00:10:39.124
Every time I drink alcohol,
I break out in handcuffs.

00:10:39.125 --> 00:10:44.000
[chuckling] You know, which is
totally true in my case.

00:10:46.918 --> 00:10:48.541
[Dennis]:
There\'s such a stigma

00:10:48.542 --> 00:10:52.666
about being a Native person...

00:10:52.667 --> 00:10:55.334
and alcohol.

00:10:56.501 --> 00:10:59.249
Where, like,
that\'s our racial profile

00:10:59.250 --> 00:11:01.791
is we\'re fucking drunks,

00:11:01.792 --> 00:11:04.416
and it\'s kind of
a well-deserved moniker, too,

00:11:04.417 --> 00:11:06.333
because for the most part,
we have been.

00:11:06.334 --> 00:11:07.167
[chuckles ruefully]

00:11:07.168 --> 00:11:08.500
We, you know
through our history,

00:11:08.501 --> 00:11:11.208
we\'ve always struggled
with alcohol,

00:11:11.209 --> 00:11:15.583
so there\'s a lot of shame

00:11:15.584 --> 00:11:18.875
and a lot of guilt
around being Native.

00:11:18.876 --> 00:11:21.166
You know, you have to have
pretty good self-esteem

00:11:21.167 --> 00:11:26.584
to overcome
that, uh, stereotype.

00:11:27.792 --> 00:11:29.124
[Alex]: I just kept on going.

00:11:29.125 --> 00:11:31.166
Drink, drink, drink,
that\'s all I do.

00:11:31.167 --> 00:11:34.541
That\'s all I wanted to do.

00:11:34.542 --> 00:11:36.124
All the anger that...

00:11:36.125 --> 00:11:39.833
That I had towards
the group homes,

00:11:39.834 --> 00:11:41.500
the residential school,

00:11:41.501 --> 00:11:43.500
it all just, I let it all go.

00:11:43.501 --> 00:11:47.500
The last straw
was with the police,

00:11:47.501 --> 00:11:50.999
and they said I\'m under arrest,
and I said, \"What\'s going on?\"

00:11:51.000 --> 00:11:52.249
then after a while they told me,

00:11:52.250 --> 00:11:55.082
they said, \"Well, we\'re charging
you for armed robbery,\"

00:11:55.083 --> 00:11:55.667
and I said, \"What?\"

00:11:55.668 --> 00:11:58.833
They said, \"The people
at the hotel identified you.

00:11:58.834 --> 00:12:02.208
You were in there,
accomplice to a robbery.\"

00:12:02.209 --> 00:12:03.750
I told them over
and over and over

00:12:03.751 --> 00:12:07.833
that I didn\'t do this,
I didn\'t do this armed robbery,

00:12:07.834 --> 00:12:12.459
but I got... pinned for it.

00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:17.124
I did my time in Peace River
Correctional Centre.

00:12:17.125 --> 00:12:20.999
There was 95% Natives
in that jail.

00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:25.666
After I got out,
I just left it all behind,

00:12:25.667 --> 00:12:29.082
and I continued
on my journey of hate

00:12:29.083 --> 00:12:30.666
towards white people,

00:12:30.667 --> 00:12:35.334
the cops, the government,
everybody.

00:12:42.667 --> 00:12:44.833
[Stephen]: You know,
I can understand

00:12:44.834 --> 00:12:51.459
the point of the courts
giving me a nine o\'clock curfew.

00:12:57.000 --> 00:13:01.166
It\'s just for
the safety of the public,

00:13:01.167 --> 00:13:03.333
because nine out of 10 times,
I get released from jail,

00:13:03.334 --> 00:13:07.166
and I end up back in jail
the same day. So...

00:13:07.167 --> 00:13:09.291
I have to stay here
for a couple of months

00:13:09.292 --> 00:13:11.374
till I get some
programming behind me,

00:13:11.375 --> 00:13:14.333
some treatment behind me.

00:13:14.334 --> 00:13:18.876
It\'s either here or jail.

00:13:19.667 --> 00:13:20.958
I mean,
it\'s not the type of life

00:13:20.959 --> 00:13:23.333
I\'d wish for anybody, you know,

00:13:23.334 --> 00:13:26.583
but for some people,
they need it.

00:13:26.584 --> 00:13:27.958
For me, I need it.

00:13:27.959 --> 00:13:31.583
You know, because I know
where I\'d be right now.

00:13:31.584 --> 00:13:36.041
You know, I probably would be
on the streets, drinking.

00:13:36.042 --> 00:13:39.208
This one I did when I was 15.

00:13:39.209 --> 00:13:42.666
I was all messed up on cocaine,

00:13:42.667 --> 00:13:48.166
and, uh, you know,
my arms were bare at the time.

00:13:48.167 --> 00:13:50.999
I figured I\'d do
a tattoo on myself.

00:13:51.000 --> 00:13:58.999
This one here, I did this
when I was 16, um... 16 or 17,

00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:01.166
and it represents confusion.

00:14:01.167 --> 00:14:02.791
This one I did when I was...

00:14:02.792 --> 00:14:06.500
did some time in the hole
when I was doing federal,

00:14:06.501 --> 00:14:14.501
and this is made from a staple
and burnt paper and water, so...

00:14:16.459 --> 00:14:21.416
All my tattoos have
a tale of some sort, so...

00:14:21.417 --> 00:14:24.751
My life story.

00:14:31.792 --> 00:14:36.751
Being in jail, it changes you.

00:14:37.667 --> 00:14:39.500
You sleep with one eye open

00:14:39.501 --> 00:14:40.917
because you don\'t know

00:14:40.918 --> 00:14:43.583
who\'s going to come
into your cell.

00:14:43.584 --> 00:14:47.958
You know, it\'s a dangerous life.

00:14:47.959 --> 00:14:49.291
You know,
you\'ve got to deal with

00:14:49.292 --> 00:14:51.999
all sorts of people, you know,

00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:57.249
from sexual predators
to murderers.

00:14:57.250 --> 00:15:03.416
Guys who don\'t give a rat\'s ass
who you are, you know?

00:15:03.417 --> 00:15:06.000
They\'re all out for themselves.

00:15:08.918 --> 00:15:12.041
I became part of a crew
when I was young.

00:15:12.042 --> 00:15:14.917
16 years old, part of a gang,

00:15:14.918 --> 00:15:16.917
just \'cause I needed
the protection.

00:15:16.918 --> 00:15:21.999
\'Cause I\'m young, in a big jail,

00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:25.458
lots of big guys around me,
and I\'m the little guy.

00:15:25.459 --> 00:15:27.291
You know, you watch it on TV,

00:15:27.292 --> 00:15:29.833
and, you know,
it looks so glamorous,

00:15:29.834 --> 00:15:33.666
it looks so good, you know,
but it\'s not,

00:15:33.667 --> 00:15:36.876
because once you\'re in,
you\'re in.

00:15:40.876 --> 00:15:43.416
[Dennis]: So when
we moved into Inuvik,

00:15:43.417 --> 00:15:45.666
when alcohol became
readily available

00:15:45.667 --> 00:15:48.291
where you could actually
go to the liquor store

00:15:48.292 --> 00:15:50.833
and buy alcohol

00:15:50.834 --> 00:15:55.458
without kind of
any legal implications,

00:15:55.459 --> 00:16:00.208
a lot of my dad\'s
generation really...

00:16:00.209 --> 00:16:02.458
their alcoholism
really took off.

00:16:02.459 --> 00:16:05.500
It used to really kind of
give me a lot of anxiety

00:16:05.501 --> 00:16:06.000
coming back here.

00:16:06.001 --> 00:16:10.999
My whole past kind of happened
on these streets right here,

00:16:11.000 --> 00:16:12.416
right along this road here.

00:16:12.417 --> 00:16:15.667
This is where
my ghosts are, right?

00:16:18.125 --> 00:16:21.666
[school bell rings]

00:16:21.667 --> 00:16:23.166
There was a lot of joy.

00:16:23.167 --> 00:16:24.666
Of course there was
a lot of joy, you know?

00:16:24.667 --> 00:16:27.541
Growing up in Inuvik was,
it was a fun place,

00:16:27.542 --> 00:16:29.999
but there was a lot of...
a lot of hurt, too, eh?

00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:34.584
A lot of really dark, dark times
that I went through here.

00:16:35.667 --> 00:16:39.791
I was so absorbed
by all the dysfunction,

00:16:39.792 --> 00:16:41.333
and all the shit
that was going around me,

00:16:41.334 --> 00:16:43.833
I couldn\'t learn.
None of us could learn.

00:16:43.834 --> 00:16:46.333
I quit school. I turned 17.

00:16:46.334 --> 00:16:51.124
My mom said, \"You\'re 17 now.
You got to work.

00:16:51.125 --> 00:16:52.999
You got to go
get a job somewhere.

00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:54.500
I don\'t care.\"

00:16:54.501 --> 00:16:55.999
Oil industry was going on.

00:16:56.000 --> 00:16:57.208
Some of my older friends
were working,

00:16:57.209 --> 00:16:58.833
they\'d coming to town
with lots of money,

00:16:58.834 --> 00:17:00.708
big cheques, man.

00:17:00.709 --> 00:17:03.750
I started phoning around
the oil companies,

00:17:03.751 --> 00:17:05.583
and I got a job.

00:17:05.584 --> 00:17:06.666
So 17 years old,

00:17:06.667 --> 00:17:09.166
I come back to town,
I got my cheque.

00:17:09.167 --> 00:17:11.666
I\'m a man now.

00:17:11.667 --> 00:17:12.626
What do we do?

00:17:12.627 --> 00:17:14.750
We drink from Friday,
Saturday, Sunday,

00:17:14.751 --> 00:17:18.082
and we drink and laugh,
drink and laugh.

00:17:18.083 --> 00:17:20.500
Sunday we\'re all broke.

00:17:20.501 --> 00:17:21.833
[laughs]

00:17:21.834 --> 00:17:23.958
Flat broke Sunday!

00:17:23.959 --> 00:17:27.999
Somehow, we scrape up enough
to get a bottle,

00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:30.208
and we\'re in someone\'s house,
and we\'re sitting there,

00:17:30.209 --> 00:17:32.833
and the depression sets in
on Sunday,

00:17:32.834 --> 00:17:34.333
when we run out of money.

00:17:34.334 --> 00:17:35.334
Good morning.

00:17:35.335 --> 00:17:37.458
Hey! What\'s up?

00:17:37.459 --> 00:17:39.374
Hanging out?

00:17:39.375 --> 00:17:40.416
Yeah.

00:17:40.417 --> 00:17:42.249
Remember fucking
going out to work,

00:17:42.250 --> 00:17:43.042
and then coming back

00:17:43.043 --> 00:17:45.416
with thousands
of dollars in the bank

00:17:45.417 --> 00:17:47.166
and just pissing it all away?

00:17:47.167 --> 00:17:48.583
- Yeah.
- Then going back to work.

00:17:48.584 --> 00:17:49.375
And then going back to work,

00:17:49.376 --> 00:17:50.708
and then coming back,
and then...

00:17:50.709 --> 00:17:51.667
Over and over.

00:17:51.668 --> 00:17:53.166
Then E.I. kicks in,

00:17:53.167 --> 00:17:54.000
or your pogey kicks in,

00:17:54.001 --> 00:17:56.208
and you sit in the fucking
bar all winter long.

00:17:56.209 --> 00:17:58.833
We did that for, what, 14 years?

00:17:58.834 --> 00:17:59.958
15 years?

00:17:59.959 --> 00:18:01.541
When Esso was up here,

00:18:01.542 --> 00:18:03.041
when oil companies were here.

00:18:03.042 --> 00:18:03.542
Yeah.

00:18:03.543 --> 00:18:06.708
Then they all left and just...

00:18:06.709 --> 00:18:08.166
left you with nothing.

00:18:08.167 --> 00:18:10.249
But still, even when
you had nothing,

00:18:10.250 --> 00:18:12.333
you could still go out

00:18:12.334 --> 00:18:13.334
and get fucking
loaded, too, right?

00:18:13.335 --> 00:18:16.333
Oh, again, it\'s the brotherhood.

00:18:16.334 --> 00:18:17.000
Yeah.

00:18:17.001 --> 00:18:18.416
Who\'s got the money pays,

00:18:18.417 --> 00:18:19.583
and then when you got no money,

00:18:19.584 --> 00:18:22.041
then somebody else takes over.

00:18:22.042 --> 00:18:24.209
It just, it just, just circles.

00:18:25.250 --> 00:18:25.792
Yeah, for sure, man.

00:18:25.793 --> 00:18:28.208
People can get drunk day,
after day, after day.

00:18:28.209 --> 00:18:33.167
Lots of them get out of it,
but lots of them don\'t.

00:18:35.918 --> 00:18:39.626
[crows caw]

00:18:42.125 --> 00:18:43.917
[Desirae]: Ever since
I was a little girl, I was...

00:18:43.918 --> 00:18:47.458
I was very quiet.
I always kept to myself.

00:18:47.459 --> 00:18:49.917
We\'re going to get ready
to go to the park.

00:18:49.918 --> 00:18:51.958
Oh, okay.

00:18:51.959 --> 00:18:55.751
And I was always with
my grandmother, my kokum.

00:18:57.334 --> 00:19:00.166
My mom was
in and out of the picture

00:19:00.167 --> 00:19:00.876
a lot of the time,

00:19:00.877 --> 00:19:02.583
but I used to always miss her,

00:19:02.584 --> 00:19:06.500
and I needed
to be with her, and...

00:19:06.501 --> 00:19:08.834
I always longed for that.

00:19:09.542 --> 00:19:11.999
I don\'t know
too much of the story then,

00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:13.750
and I can\'t remember a lot...

00:19:13.751 --> 00:19:16.708
Is that my grandmother couldn\'t
look after me, my kokum,

00:19:16.709 --> 00:19:19.750
because she didn\'t have
the funds or the means,

00:19:19.751 --> 00:19:21.333
and she was in school,

00:19:21.334 --> 00:19:27.458
so she, um...
she ended up putting me in care.

00:19:27.459 --> 00:19:30.166
My foster brother,
or so-called it,

00:19:30.167 --> 00:19:34.876
sexually abused me, and...

00:19:37.459 --> 00:19:38.875
My social worker
that was in my life

00:19:38.876 --> 00:19:40.833
used to come and see me,
and she\'d say,

00:19:40.834 --> 00:19:43.082
\"You\'re here
for a reason, you know?

00:19:43.083 --> 00:19:45.333
Your family
doesn\'t want you,\" you know,

00:19:45.334 --> 00:19:47.166
and really drilling
these things into my mind

00:19:47.167 --> 00:19:49.416
as a four or five year old,
you know,

00:19:49.417 --> 00:19:52.917
and I was totally...

00:19:52.918 --> 00:19:55.291
totally just felt outcasted,

00:19:55.292 --> 00:19:57.666
you know, and I was like, \"Why?

00:19:57.667 --> 00:19:58.875
Why would they put me here?

00:19:58.876 --> 00:20:02.626
And why did my mother
leave me,\" you know?

00:20:04.584 --> 00:20:07.500
I started running away
at 11 years old.

00:20:07.501 --> 00:20:10.583
At 13, I was doing
weed and alcohol,

00:20:10.584 --> 00:20:11.334
and it was normal to me.

00:20:11.335 --> 00:20:13.082
It was something that
wasn\'t too hardcore

00:20:13.083 --> 00:20:14.999
because I had lived with my mom

00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:16.875
who was very addicted to crack,

00:20:16.876 --> 00:20:19.166
and all those different
harder drugs,

00:20:19.167 --> 00:20:21.374
so me doing something
lightly was like,

00:20:21.375 --> 00:20:22.666
\"Oh, it\'s not that bad.

00:20:22.667 --> 00:20:26.334
I\'m just drinking
and smoking weed.\"

00:20:31.501 --> 00:20:34.875
[Dennis]: Well, my dad,
he was a good guy,

00:20:34.876 --> 00:20:35.584
but he drank a lot,

00:20:35.585 --> 00:20:40.750
and when he wouldn\'t come home
for basically days at a time,

00:20:40.751 --> 00:20:42.333
I would go looking for him,

00:20:42.334 --> 00:20:46.500
and I remember standing outside,
wanting him to come home,

00:20:46.501 --> 00:20:48.625
and what can you do
when you\'re a little kid,

00:20:48.626 --> 00:20:50.291
six, seven years old?

00:20:50.292 --> 00:20:52.500
What can you do but cry?

00:20:52.501 --> 00:20:54.750
I wanted him
to come home so bad,

00:20:54.751 --> 00:20:57.958
but he wouldn\'t come,

00:20:57.959 --> 00:20:59.082
and that\'s alcoholism, man.

00:20:59.083 --> 00:21:03.167
You just...
Nothing matters, I guess.

00:21:06.250 --> 00:21:08.500
[Desirae]: Like, I came out
of my blackout one time,

00:21:08.501 --> 00:21:12.958
and there was blood all over,
and this big gash on my head,

00:21:12.959 --> 00:21:14.833
and someone had bottled me out.

00:21:14.834 --> 00:21:16.708
My ex was crying, and I woke up,

00:21:16.709 --> 00:21:18.666
and I was like,
\"Why are you crying?\"

00:21:18.667 --> 00:21:20.583
and then I got to look
in the mirror,

00:21:20.584 --> 00:21:21.209
and I was like, \"Oh,\"

00:21:21.210 --> 00:21:24.625
and all I did was just
tie a rag around my head,

00:21:24.626 --> 00:21:26.750
and just kept on drinking.

00:21:26.751 --> 00:21:27.501
[eagle cries]

00:21:27.502 --> 00:21:29.917
[Stephen]: You know, if I was
feeling sad, I drank.

00:21:29.918 --> 00:21:32.833
If I was mad, I drank.
If I was depressed, I drank.

00:21:32.834 --> 00:21:33.999
Um, if I was lonely, I drank.

00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:38.458
You know, now I\'m dealing with
all these emotions and feelings

00:21:38.459 --> 00:21:41.333
that I\'ve never
dealt with before,

00:21:41.334 --> 00:21:43.125
and it\'s hard.

00:21:44.918 --> 00:21:47.333
Merry Christmas, everyone!

00:21:47.334 --> 00:21:48.917
[hum of bustling crowd]

00:21:48.918 --> 00:21:53.750
[Dennis]: I remember Christmases
were especially hard for us,

00:21:53.751 --> 00:21:55.750
because that was
usually the time

00:21:55.751 --> 00:21:57.917
that he would go
on a big bender,

00:21:57.918 --> 00:22:01.416
and it would last
for days and days.

00:22:01.417 --> 00:22:04.999
I remember my mother
throwing him out

00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:05.834
because he couldn\'t sober up,

00:22:05.835 --> 00:22:10.959
and I remember him losing jobs
because he couldn\'t sober up.

00:22:11.751 --> 00:22:15.666
I never really...
got to spend much time with him,

00:22:15.667 --> 00:22:17.291
and I think that\'s kind of

00:22:17.292 --> 00:22:21.000
where my resentment
towards him grew.

00:22:21.667 --> 00:22:22.667
Every Christmas,

00:22:22.668 --> 00:22:25.666
they would have a Christmas
party for the kids.

00:22:25.667 --> 00:22:27.208
We got into the gymnasium,

00:22:27.209 --> 00:22:29.416
and it was just
full of families.

00:22:29.417 --> 00:22:33.208
I think we might have been
the only Native kids there,

00:22:33.209 --> 00:22:34.249
and by that time too,

00:22:34.250 --> 00:22:40.167
I\'d already made assumptions
about Native people.

00:22:42.667 --> 00:22:45.333
Santa called all the names
of all the kids,

00:22:45.334 --> 00:22:46.042
and all the kids went up,

00:22:46.043 --> 00:22:49.167
and we were waiting,
and waiting, and waiting...

00:22:50.125 --> 00:22:55.583
and he never called our names.

00:22:55.584 --> 00:22:56.125
We found out later

00:22:56.126 --> 00:22:59.500
that it was the parents
that were supposed to bring, uh,

00:22:59.501 --> 00:23:01.833
bring the gifts there.

00:23:01.834 --> 00:23:06.458
What does that do to a kid,
eight, nine years old?

00:23:06.459 --> 00:23:09.666
I felt like
it shut the door on my...

00:23:09.667 --> 00:23:14.542
on my worth as a human being
or whatever.

00:23:19.918 --> 00:23:21.333
[Desirae]:
But I loved my mom so dearly.

00:23:21.334 --> 00:23:23.167
I wanted to be close to her.

00:23:24.209 --> 00:23:26.500
And the only way
to be close to somebody

00:23:26.501 --> 00:23:28.249
is to live in the lifestyle.

00:23:28.250 --> 00:23:30.667
That\'s the closest
you\'re going to get, right?

00:23:37.501 --> 00:23:40.666
I got pregnant, and I said,
\"I\'ve got to clean up.

00:23:40.667 --> 00:23:44.417
I\'ve got to not do
any weed or anything,\"

00:23:45.626 --> 00:23:49.541
and I had my son, Darius, at 16,

00:23:49.542 --> 00:23:51.541
and I lasted about nine months.

00:23:51.542 --> 00:23:53.666
Through those nine months,

00:23:53.667 --> 00:23:54.167
I had fallen off

00:23:54.168 --> 00:23:56.834
and started to use
heavier drugs like ecstasy.

00:23:59.876 --> 00:24:01.875
I went to
a battered women\'s shelter,

00:24:01.876 --> 00:24:02.501
and in that shelter

00:24:02.502 --> 00:24:03.999
I was like, \"I\'m done
with breastfeeding.

00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:07.374
I need to go get drunk.\"
[chuckles] You know?

00:24:07.375 --> 00:24:08.125
And the day...

00:24:08.126 --> 00:24:13.833
The day I went to go
put my son on formula

00:24:13.834 --> 00:24:16.333
was the day I walked
into the liquor store

00:24:16.334 --> 00:24:17.083
with my two kids,

00:24:17.084 --> 00:24:19.082
my two-month-old
and my three-year-old,

00:24:19.083 --> 00:24:20.291
and I took them to the park,

00:24:20.292 --> 00:24:24.124
and I just sat there,
and I drank,

00:24:24.125 --> 00:24:28.375
you know, all by myself.

00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:33.333
[Paula]: I have three children,

00:24:33.334 --> 00:24:38.166
and I was so spiritually hurt
from getting molested

00:24:38.167 --> 00:24:41.917
that, um,
I couldn\'t be a parent.

00:24:41.918 --> 00:24:45.583
I loved my children
with my heart,

00:24:45.584 --> 00:24:49.042
but I didn\'t love myself.

00:24:52.751 --> 00:24:55.583
[voice breaking]
I was shooting up with my son

00:24:55.584 --> 00:24:57.041
and my oldest daughter.

00:24:57.042 --> 00:25:01.999
She witnessed me doing...
pulling tricks,

00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:04.291
and, uh, my son
and my other daughter

00:25:04.292 --> 00:25:08.291
used to keep six
while I did drugs,

00:25:08.292 --> 00:25:11.999
and when they were
five years old,

00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:14.042
they got taken away.

00:25:14.542 --> 00:25:18.082
The more I hurt for the kids,
the more I used drugs,

00:25:18.083 --> 00:25:23.124
which is the cycle, I think,
of a lot of mothers

00:25:23.125 --> 00:25:26.333
that have children
in foster care.

00:25:26.334 --> 00:25:28.166
And the tears that I cry

00:25:28.167 --> 00:25:32.626
is because I missed
watching them grow up.

00:25:40.417 --> 00:25:43.791
[Alex]: It\'s been...
14 years, possibly?

00:25:43.792 --> 00:25:47.291
Maybe 15 years
since I saw my son.

00:25:47.292 --> 00:25:50.833
When my son was born,
I was... I was so happy.

00:25:50.834 --> 00:25:53.834
I was just so relieved.

00:25:54.417 --> 00:25:59.833
The mom made sure
that I didn\'t go anywheres,

00:25:59.834 --> 00:26:02.708
because she knew I drank a lot.

00:26:02.709 --> 00:26:04.708
I stayed in the hospital
with her

00:26:04.709 --> 00:26:08.208
until probably
close to midnight.

00:26:08.209 --> 00:26:09.750
She wanted to make sure
that the bars,

00:26:09.751 --> 00:26:12.333
or the liquor store was closed,

00:26:12.334 --> 00:26:14.166
because I was
really edgy and excited

00:26:14.167 --> 00:26:18.083
because I wanted
to go and celebrate.

00:26:42.918 --> 00:26:46.917
Getting ready to
go out to the whale camp.

00:26:46.918 --> 00:26:51.041
The whale camp has been
a big part of my...

00:26:51.042 --> 00:26:51.792
big part of my life,

00:26:51.793 --> 00:26:55.626
so I just want to bring
my kids down there.

00:26:57.417 --> 00:26:58.292
Here.

00:26:58.293 --> 00:26:59.999
I got a big box of donuts,
and buns, and bread.

00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:01.666
Okay, right on.
What is it?

00:27:01.667 --> 00:27:03.249
Gold.

00:27:03.250 --> 00:27:06.041
That\'s what we call donuts
and bannock and bread.

00:27:06.042 --> 00:27:07.042
Lots of work.

00:27:07.043 --> 00:27:08.542
It\'s just like gold.

00:27:09.125 --> 00:27:10.999
[Dennis]: For me
to make any change,

00:27:11.000 --> 00:27:12.958
I have to hit a wall,

00:27:12.959 --> 00:27:15.917
and most alcoholics
are like that.

00:27:15.918 --> 00:27:16.667
You have to hit a wall,

00:27:16.668 --> 00:27:19.333
and you have to have
a gun to your head,

00:27:19.334 --> 00:27:22.333
and somebody has to
cock that barrel and say,

00:27:22.334 --> 00:27:24.374
\"You gotta make change now.\"

00:27:24.375 --> 00:27:25.875
When we had our children,

00:27:25.876 --> 00:27:27.875
I hadn\'t found
true recovery yet,

00:27:27.876 --> 00:27:32.999
I hadn\'t really
conceived a higher power yet,

00:27:33.000 --> 00:27:34.500
and I knew if I didn\'t get help,

00:27:34.501 --> 00:27:37.458
that I was going to curse
my children with my disease,

00:27:37.459 --> 00:27:41.291
because I was cursed
with this disease.

00:27:41.292 --> 00:27:45.708
Jennifer, she said,
\"You\'ve got to change,

00:27:45.709 --> 00:27:49.167
or you\'re going
to lose your family.\"

00:27:50.042 --> 00:27:53.751
[♪♪♪]

00:28:13.417 --> 00:28:15.208
When I have anxiety,

00:28:15.209 --> 00:28:17.750
and when I\'m feeling
kind of out of sorts,

00:28:17.751 --> 00:28:21.041
it kind of rubs off on my...
On my children,

00:28:21.042 --> 00:28:21.918
especially on my son,

00:28:21.919 --> 00:28:24.500
because he\'s
really sensitive too.

00:28:24.501 --> 00:28:29.041
I try to talk to him
about his feelings,

00:28:29.042 --> 00:28:30.000
and I tell him, \"Hey, Hayden,

00:28:30.001 --> 00:28:31.999
I know you\'re going through
some anxiety,

00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:34.708
and I know... I know you\'re
going through being shy,\"

00:28:34.709 --> 00:28:36.833
he always talks about being shy,

00:28:36.834 --> 00:28:37.417
and I tell him,

00:28:37.418 --> 00:28:42.375
\"I know what it\'s like to be shy
\'cause Dad is shy too.\"

00:28:51.709 --> 00:28:54.666
I guess the best memories
I have of my dad

00:28:54.667 --> 00:28:56.625
was when we would
go out hunting,

00:28:56.626 --> 00:28:58.958
because I knew that
when we went out hunting,

00:28:58.959 --> 00:29:00.541
I would have all his attention,

00:29:00.542 --> 00:29:04.459
and I wouldn\'t have to deal
with... with his drinking.

00:29:14.501 --> 00:29:17.458
I remember the first time
he let me harpoon a whale.

00:29:17.459 --> 00:29:19.166
It was just out here,
as a matter of fact,

00:29:19.167 --> 00:29:22.791
with my cousin Larry Semmier,
and my other cousin, Ebun.

00:29:22.792 --> 00:29:23.999
Larry was driving the kicker,

00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:25.917
and Ebun was sitting
in the middle

00:29:25.918 --> 00:29:27.458
trying to roll a smoke,

00:29:27.459 --> 00:29:29.208
and I was harpooning,

00:29:29.209 --> 00:29:30.125
and my dad was in the...

00:29:30.126 --> 00:29:32.458
In the middle somewhere
just telling us what to do,

00:29:32.459 --> 00:29:35.458
telling Larry
how to follow the whale.

00:29:35.459 --> 00:29:36.917
I\'m there with the harpoon,

00:29:36.918 --> 00:29:38.833
and my dad said, \"As soon
as the whale comes up,

00:29:38.834 --> 00:29:41.791
as soon as you see it,
throw the harpoon.\"

00:29:41.792 --> 00:29:43.249
That whale came up like that,

00:29:43.250 --> 00:29:45.999
and I threw my harpoon,
and it stuck in there,

00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:47.875
and he said,
\"Throw your float out.

00:29:47.876 --> 00:29:49.041
Throw your jerry can.\"

00:29:49.042 --> 00:29:49.834
I threw it out,

00:29:49.835 --> 00:29:51.291
and pretty soon
that whale took off,

00:29:51.292 --> 00:29:54.583
and I was bobbing away
in the water

00:29:54.584 --> 00:29:55.666
with a big 22-foot canoe,

00:29:55.667 --> 00:29:59.124
and I didn\'t know how the hell
I fluked it in one shot.

00:29:59.125 --> 00:30:02.541
Boom! Killed it,
and it was stone dead,

00:30:02.542 --> 00:30:03.833
and holy man,
you would have thought

00:30:03.834 --> 00:30:07.291
I won an Academy Award
or something... [laughs]

00:30:07.292 --> 00:30:09.208
the way he was praising us up.

00:30:09.209 --> 00:30:11.583
He just couldn\'t stop
telling everybody

00:30:11.584 --> 00:30:14.208
I got it with one shot, so...

00:30:14.209 --> 00:30:15.958
That was pretty good, man.

00:30:15.959 --> 00:30:18.249
When you\'re a kid
like that, it\'s...

00:30:18.250 --> 00:30:22.500
and your dad gives you
that kind of praise, it\'s...

00:30:22.501 --> 00:30:25.709
there\'s nothing
better than that.

00:30:37.000 --> 00:30:39.584
Hayden, come on, we\'re going
to go pull up the whale.

00:30:43.209 --> 00:30:44.833
Nice and easy.

00:30:44.834 --> 00:30:45.584
[Dennis]: In our addictions,

00:30:45.585 --> 00:30:48.833
we stray from
the important things in life,

00:30:48.834 --> 00:30:50.875
which is family and faith.

00:30:50.876 --> 00:30:55.875
By giving your children
opportunity

00:30:55.876 --> 00:30:57.458
to come out on the land,

00:30:57.459 --> 00:30:59.666
you\'re giving them
a connection to their family,

00:30:59.667 --> 00:31:02.999
and you\'re giving them
a connection to their faith...

00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:04.124
See all these marks right there?

00:31:04.125 --> 00:31:06.666
When they\'re swimming
under the ice,

00:31:06.667 --> 00:31:10.082
sometimes by mistake,
by accident,

00:31:10.083 --> 00:31:11.875
they get scraped up on the ice.

00:31:11.876 --> 00:31:14.833
It\'s a female.

00:31:14.834 --> 00:31:16.626
Yeah.

00:31:18.292 --> 00:31:20.292
Boy, nice muktuk.

00:31:22.334 --> 00:31:26.083
This one,
you could make a strip.

00:31:27.501 --> 00:31:30.458
[Dennis]: I bring my kids
out to Baby Island

00:31:30.459 --> 00:31:32.208
because I want them to know

00:31:32.209 --> 00:31:36.500
that they have a place
on this earth.

00:31:36.501 --> 00:31:39.667
To me, this is
where they belong.

00:32:01.292 --> 00:32:03.751
[kids chat and play]

00:32:07.167 --> 00:32:08.999
Darius had seen me
and my addiction

00:32:09.000 --> 00:32:09.667
before I even had my son,

00:32:09.668 --> 00:32:13.249
so when he was three and a half,
like, he remembers these things.

00:32:13.250 --> 00:32:15.208
He\'s very smart.

00:32:15.209 --> 00:32:16.875
That day
when they got apprehended,

00:32:16.876 --> 00:32:18.999
I remember them
sitting in the van,

00:32:19.000 --> 00:32:21.750
and I was crying,
and I was hyperventilating,

00:32:21.751 --> 00:32:22.791
and my younger son was crying,

00:32:22.792 --> 00:32:26.917
and Darius looked at me,
and he said, \"Don\'t worry, Mom.

00:32:26.918 --> 00:32:30.833
I\'m going to
take care of my brother.\"

00:32:30.834 --> 00:32:32.666
And that was the day
I made the decision.

00:32:32.667 --> 00:32:34.999
You know, I made a decision

00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:36.249
that no matter what was
going to come in my path,

00:32:36.250 --> 00:32:39.291
I was going to pull up my socks
and get walking, you know?

00:32:39.292 --> 00:32:41.833
That I wasn\'t going to blame
anybody anymore for my past.

00:32:41.834 --> 00:32:44.042
[ball clanks against bat]

00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:03.209
[embers crackling]

00:33:05.626 --> 00:33:06.999
So it\'s...

00:33:07.000 --> 00:33:08.833
Just wash your eyes,

00:33:08.834 --> 00:33:11.583
and wash your ears.

00:33:11.584 --> 00:33:14.333
Wash your mouth
so you speak the truth,

00:33:14.334 --> 00:33:17.166
your nose so you smell
good things,

00:33:17.167 --> 00:33:19.999
your heart
so you feel good things.

00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:23.500
That\'s what we do
with the smudge.

00:33:23.501 --> 00:33:27.166
It\'s a big part
of my recoveries.

00:33:27.167 --> 00:33:27.501
Yeah.

00:33:27.502 --> 00:33:32.958
[Paula]: I got to a point
where I couldn\'t take it anymore

00:33:32.959 --> 00:33:37.124
because I was getting beat up.

00:33:37.125 --> 00:33:38.500
I was owned.

00:33:38.501 --> 00:33:42.208
I asked the creator
to get rid of my resentments,

00:33:42.209 --> 00:33:44.416
help me with my fears,

00:33:44.417 --> 00:33:46.458
and protect me from myself,

00:33:46.459 --> 00:33:49.958
because it\'s me
who chooses these things

00:33:49.959 --> 00:33:53.000
without even thinking
it\'s my choice.

00:33:53.083 --> 00:33:58.166
[Alex]: This is
my first blanket I\'ve made.

00:33:58.167 --> 00:34:00.625
This is for my son,
for his grad,

00:34:00.626 --> 00:34:04.666
because this is the first one,
so I have to give it away,

00:34:04.667 --> 00:34:07.166
and I\'m giving it to him.

00:34:07.167 --> 00:34:11.416
My son doesn\'t know my past,

00:34:11.417 --> 00:34:14.999
but I want him to understand
where his dad was.

00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:17.958
I sort of told him
why he was taken away,

00:34:17.959 --> 00:34:21.291
but I never really
elaborated more,

00:34:21.292 --> 00:34:24.291
but I feel he needs to know.

00:34:24.292 --> 00:34:29.626
I want my son to have
what I didn\'t have growing up.

00:34:43.417 --> 00:34:46.458
But when I was working,
it was so hot.

00:34:46.459 --> 00:34:47.167
Yeah.

00:34:47.168 --> 00:34:52.292
It was, like,
I don\'t know, mid-30s.

00:34:53.834 --> 00:34:55.208
I used to walk by this place,

00:34:55.209 --> 00:34:56.500
and knew I was going to come...

00:34:56.501 --> 00:35:00.999
I was going to be living
in this building here.

00:35:01.000 --> 00:35:02.083
Oh.

00:35:02.834 --> 00:35:05.666
So, what was the addiction like?

00:35:05.667 --> 00:35:10.500
Like, what was
your constant feeling?

00:35:10.501 --> 00:35:13.999
The constant feeling
was being high.

00:35:14.000 --> 00:35:15.666
Easing the pain.

00:35:15.667 --> 00:35:20.333
High on, uh, alcohol, drugs.

00:35:20.334 --> 00:35:21.541
Meth?

00:35:21.542 --> 00:35:24.833
I did meth,
but not as often as...

00:35:24.834 --> 00:35:30.583
I did it for maybe a month,

00:35:30.584 --> 00:35:32.249
you know?

00:35:32.250 --> 00:35:34.082
This is the old
U Gym right here,

00:35:34.083 --> 00:35:35.500
where I used to go.

00:35:35.501 --> 00:35:36.501
What was that program like?

00:35:36.502 --> 00:35:41.958
The program was to help me
stop my addiction

00:35:41.959 --> 00:35:44.666
of drugs and alcohol,

00:35:44.667 --> 00:35:47.666
to um...

00:35:47.667 --> 00:35:51.834
more or less give myself
a second chance in life.

00:35:55.167 --> 00:35:58.209
[gulls cry]

00:36:00.250 --> 00:36:03.374
And, you know, I do apologize
for not being around.

00:36:03.375 --> 00:36:04.958
It\'s just the way
things happened.

00:36:04.959 --> 00:36:12.875
Some people said it was
selfish of me to move away...

00:36:12.876 --> 00:36:15.541
because I did
lose focus on my life.

00:36:15.542 --> 00:36:18.917
I gave up on myself.

00:36:18.918 --> 00:36:19.958
And it was hard for me,

00:36:19.959 --> 00:36:24.250
because I didn\'t know
how to be a father to you.

00:36:29.959 --> 00:36:34.333
All those years
I\'ve been in care...

00:36:34.334 --> 00:36:37.791
I thought it was pretty bad.

00:36:37.792 --> 00:36:39.750
I didn\'t like it, but it was...

00:36:39.751 --> 00:36:42.708
I dealt with it somehow.

00:36:42.709 --> 00:36:45.833
Me, my sister and my
brother, we all moved.

00:36:45.834 --> 00:36:48.166
We were in the same
foster home, right?

00:36:48.167 --> 00:36:51.999
And they got to see their dad,

00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:54.875
but I was the only one
that was left out

00:36:54.876 --> 00:36:57.666
because, yeah, you weren\'t...

00:36:57.667 --> 00:36:59.375
You weren\'t there.

00:37:04.667 --> 00:37:08.250
[♪♪♪]

00:37:12.334 --> 00:37:13.999
[Dennis]: My dad was, uh...

00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:15.666
He knew that I was angry at him

00:37:15.667 --> 00:37:18.501
because of the way
I treated him.

00:37:22.167 --> 00:37:24.583
He continued to drink
until he died.

00:37:24.584 --> 00:37:27.918
He never did sober up.

00:37:32.334 --> 00:37:34.166
This was his favourite hat,
I guess.

00:37:34.167 --> 00:37:38.000
He liked shiny stuff, eh?

00:37:38.459 --> 00:37:42.918
I imagine this hat
was pretty white at one time.

00:37:43.501 --> 00:37:45.833
He died in a drowning accident.

00:37:45.834 --> 00:37:50.750
I lost, uh, I lost
three members of my family.

00:37:50.751 --> 00:37:54.333
This is my sister, Dalma,

00:37:54.334 --> 00:37:56.958
her daughter, Asta, and my dad.

00:37:56.959 --> 00:37:59.124
They all perished
on the same day

00:37:59.125 --> 00:38:04.708
in a boating accident
in July of 2008.

00:38:04.709 --> 00:38:09.082
They were on their way
down to whale camp.

00:38:09.083 --> 00:38:12.959
[Dennis]: We got a phone call
saying that they\'re missing.

00:38:14.167 --> 00:38:15.249
We built a search camp,

00:38:15.250 --> 00:38:17.666
and we started
dragging the river,

00:38:17.667 --> 00:38:21.541
and I just remember
that whole time...

00:38:21.542 --> 00:38:27.291
[voice shaking] wanting to,
uh, talk to him,

00:38:27.292 --> 00:38:30.333
wanting to
apologize to him, maybe?

00:38:30.334 --> 00:38:35.374
Um... and a few times
I found myself talking to him

00:38:35.375 --> 00:38:38.542
when I was dragging the river.

00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:49.333
I wanted to...

00:38:49.334 --> 00:38:50.458
apologize to him, I guess,

00:38:50.459 --> 00:38:53.791
for the way I treated him,

00:38:53.792 --> 00:38:58.625
and, uh... I wanted
to have that conversation

00:38:58.626 --> 00:39:01.125
that I never did have with him.

00:39:02.626 --> 00:39:05.082
[singing softly]
♪ Jesus ♪

00:39:05.083 --> 00:39:09.666
♪ In a holy rage... ♪

00:39:09.667 --> 00:39:11.958
[Dennis]: And, uh...

00:39:11.959 --> 00:39:15.791
I had that
conversation with him,

00:39:15.792 --> 00:39:19.667
and I believe he heard me.

00:39:21.542 --> 00:39:24.667
[♪♪♪]

00:39:36.876 --> 00:39:39.708
This is where our family was.

00:39:39.709 --> 00:39:42.374
This is our kind of
family retreat,

00:39:42.375 --> 00:39:45.166
so after my dad died,

00:39:45.167 --> 00:39:48.708
it just didn\'t feel
the same anymore,

00:39:48.709 --> 00:39:51.584
so we just stayed away.

00:39:56.834 --> 00:39:57.999
In sobriety,

00:39:58.000 --> 00:40:00.625
I\'ve learned
to reconcile the past

00:40:00.626 --> 00:40:02.416
and come to terms with it.

00:40:02.417 --> 00:40:06.125
I have to accept it.

00:40:08.542 --> 00:40:09.209
And as a family,

00:40:09.210 --> 00:40:11.917
we decided that
in order to do this,

00:40:11.918 --> 00:40:15.833
we need to purge
all the old junk

00:40:15.834 --> 00:40:17.708
that he\'s been collecting
over the years,

00:40:17.709 --> 00:40:21.417
and just burn it
and get rid of it.

00:40:26.792 --> 00:40:31.000
We\'re trying to let my dad go,
too, you know?

00:40:50.417 --> 00:40:51.625
Are we doing waters?

00:40:51.626 --> 00:40:53.541
There is juices there.

00:40:53.542 --> 00:40:55.082
Okay, I\'ll pour some
juice too, then.

00:40:55.083 --> 00:40:58.666
[Paula]: I\'ve been volunteering
for the City of Vancouver

00:40:58.667 --> 00:41:02.416
for three years
in a woman\'s clinic.

00:41:02.417 --> 00:41:06.833
I do volunteer so much that...

00:41:06.834 --> 00:41:10.999
I think it\'s...
it\'s what keeps me sober.

00:41:11.000 --> 00:41:15.166
UGMs offers a really big meal
for the women.

00:41:15.167 --> 00:41:18.333
Some of them, this is
the only meal that they get

00:41:18.334 --> 00:41:19.416
on the street.

00:41:19.417 --> 00:41:20.417
It\'s a community

00:41:20.418 --> 00:41:23.792
of respect and love down here.

00:41:25.918 --> 00:41:27.208
I think it\'s important

00:41:27.209 --> 00:41:29.166
for everybody to realize
there\'s a way out,

00:41:29.167 --> 00:41:31.791
because we all know
there\'s a way in.

00:41:31.792 --> 00:41:32.542
Mm-hm.

00:41:32.543 --> 00:41:34.416
Hardly any of us know
the way out.

00:41:34.417 --> 00:41:38.458
So it\'s all about in here,

00:41:38.459 --> 00:41:40.208
your prayer in here,
what you mean in here,

00:41:40.209 --> 00:41:44.166
because if you\'re ready,
then the universe is ready.

00:41:44.167 --> 00:41:45.750
[everyone chatting together]

00:41:45.751 --> 00:41:50.082
You quit everything,
like even smoking cigarettes?

00:41:50.083 --> 00:41:51.541
- Yeah.
- Everything?

00:41:51.542 --> 00:41:53.708
I quit everything, even men.

00:41:53.709 --> 00:41:54.709
[laughs]

00:41:54.710 --> 00:41:55.875
That\'s no good!

00:41:55.876 --> 00:41:59.791
That\'s no good
for your health at all!

00:41:59.792 --> 00:42:00.209
[laughing]

00:42:00.210 --> 00:42:04.875
[Paula]: Recovery is not only
recovering about us,

00:42:04.876 --> 00:42:06.917
but recovering as a community.

00:42:06.918 --> 00:42:09.291
We don\'t feel
we belong anywhere,

00:42:09.292 --> 00:42:13.249
and we\'re such community-based,
nomadic people,

00:42:13.250 --> 00:42:15.041
it breaks all our hearts, right?

00:42:15.042 --> 00:42:17.625
And that\'s a part that
keeps us addicted, too,

00:42:17.626 --> 00:42:20.791
is at least when we\'re using
drugs and alcohol,

00:42:20.792 --> 00:42:23.625
we\'re in a bar room
full of other Indians

00:42:23.626 --> 00:42:25.041
who are into drugs and alcohol,

00:42:25.042 --> 00:42:31.333
so that keeps us all connected
in a really dysfunctional way.

00:42:31.334 --> 00:42:33.958
You have to ask
yourself, \"Am I done?\"

00:42:33.959 --> 00:42:35.291
Am I done hurting people?

00:42:35.292 --> 00:42:36.583
Am I done hurting myself?

00:42:36.584 --> 00:42:38.750
Am I done hurting the world?

00:42:38.751 --> 00:42:39.125
Yeah.

00:42:39.126 --> 00:42:40.500
Am I done blaming the world?

00:42:40.501 --> 00:42:41.666
Yeah, there
you go. Yeah.

00:42:41.667 --> 00:42:44.999
Am I done carrying this baggage

00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:46.374
that goes back two blocks?

00:42:46.375 --> 00:42:46.918
Yeah, yeah.

00:42:46.919 --> 00:42:49.124
Am I ready to let it
down and let it go?

00:42:49.125 --> 00:42:49.667
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:49.668 --> 00:42:51.333
And it\'s like these cars
that are driving by,

00:42:51.334 --> 00:42:54.208
how many years I let drive by me

00:42:54.209 --> 00:42:58.417
on this corner.

00:43:14.542 --> 00:43:16.166
[Desirae]: I know when
I\'m, like, really stressed out

00:43:16.167 --> 00:43:19.166
I should make an art piece
or something,

00:43:19.167 --> 00:43:23.833
because I find
that\'s where my peace is at...

00:43:23.834 --> 00:43:28.082
but I\'ve never been taught.

00:43:28.083 --> 00:43:32.208
I\'ve just kind of done it
off the top of my head.

00:43:32.209 --> 00:43:38.041
I\'m making a painting
of a mommy and a baby.

00:43:38.042 --> 00:43:39.750
The mommies and then the baby.

00:43:39.751 --> 00:43:41.333
Do you see it?

00:43:41.334 --> 00:43:41.959
[Desirae]: I decided

00:43:41.960 --> 00:43:47.875
that I wanted to make
a painting for my mom.

00:43:47.876 --> 00:43:48.917
I think for me and my mom,

00:43:48.918 --> 00:43:50.625
like, our relationship
is just now

00:43:50.626 --> 00:43:53.999
growing into, like,
a mother-daughter relationship,

00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:55.875
and she\'s now there
for my children,

00:43:55.876 --> 00:44:00.249
which is really cool,

00:44:00.250 --> 00:44:01.999
and I think it\'ll just
represent a lot,

00:44:02.000 --> 00:44:04.833
like, for her to be able
to recognize

00:44:04.834 --> 00:44:05.834
that she is a mom

00:44:05.835 --> 00:44:09.500
and that she\'s doing good,
and...

00:44:09.501 --> 00:44:10.625
Lookit, Mommy!

00:44:10.626 --> 00:44:11.999
Ooh..

00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:13.333
[laughing fondly]

00:44:13.334 --> 00:44:15.875
And your blue nose.

00:44:15.876 --> 00:44:17.458
[laughing]

00:44:17.459 --> 00:44:19.166
There\'s going to be
a lot of healing, I feel,

00:44:19.167 --> 00:44:22.124
in the next few years
with my family,

00:44:22.125 --> 00:44:24.166
but a lot of work.

00:44:24.167 --> 00:44:25.333
What dancer is he?

00:44:25.334 --> 00:44:27.041
He\'s a fancy dancer.

00:44:27.042 --> 00:44:28.416
Fancy...

00:44:28.417 --> 00:44:29.583
[Desirae]: When I think about

00:44:29.584 --> 00:44:31.416
breaking the cycles
with my children,

00:44:31.417 --> 00:44:34.249
I\'m breaking cycles
within my nation,

00:44:34.250 --> 00:44:38.667
and that\'s what
gives me strength.

00:44:50.334 --> 00:44:52.667
[telephone rings]

00:44:59.709 --> 00:45:02.958
[Stephen]: Hey, this is
Steve Wolf calling in.

00:45:02.959 --> 00:45:03.709
[Dennis]: What happened?

00:45:03.710 --> 00:45:05.999
How did you end up
back in there?

00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:07.666
[Stephen]: On the beginning
of September there,

00:45:07.667 --> 00:45:09.500
I lost a really good
friend of mine,

00:45:09.501 --> 00:45:11.333
and took it a little hard.

00:45:11.334 --> 00:45:13.291
Thought I could handle
having one beer,

00:45:13.292 --> 00:45:16.374
but it ended up being
a whole bunch more later,

00:45:16.375 --> 00:45:17.833
and I went on the run,

00:45:17.834 --> 00:45:20.875
and then they caught me
two weeks later,

00:45:20.876 --> 00:45:21.501
and I got charged

00:45:21.502 --> 00:45:23.500
for not complying
with my probation order,

00:45:23.501 --> 00:45:25.333
my bail... bail order,

00:45:25.334 --> 00:45:27.875
so I\'m, uh, really anxious,

00:45:27.876 --> 00:45:29.208
I\'m worried,

00:45:29.209 --> 00:45:32.500
because I don\'t know
how many times

00:45:32.501 --> 00:45:33.167
I\'ve gotten out of jail,

00:45:33.168 --> 00:45:35.416
and, you know,
just want to do good,

00:45:35.417 --> 00:45:36.167
but then there\'s always

00:45:36.168 --> 00:45:37.999
that little bit
of a bump in the road

00:45:38.000 --> 00:45:39.000
that makes me kind of swerve.

00:45:39.001 --> 00:45:43.501
You know, it\'s, uh...
it\'s really hard.

00:45:43.667 --> 00:45:46.750
[Dennis]: All of us guys
and women who\'ve sobered up,

00:45:46.751 --> 00:45:53.124
we all know what it\'s like
to have no control over it.

00:45:53.125 --> 00:45:55.208
We all know
what it\'s like to slip,

00:45:55.209 --> 00:45:56.125
and we all know what it\'s like

00:45:56.126 --> 00:46:00.249
when someone dies
or something bad happens, and...

00:46:00.250 --> 00:46:02.500
and, uh, you know we...

00:46:02.501 --> 00:46:04.333
it\'s almost like
we have no defence

00:46:04.334 --> 00:46:06.374
against that first drink.

00:46:06.375 --> 00:46:10.999
When I quit drinking, I...
I tried to do it alone,

00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:13.333
but, man, inside
I was just, like,

00:46:13.334 --> 00:46:14.416
just torn up, you know?

00:46:14.417 --> 00:46:17.958
It wasn\'t until
I started reaching out

00:46:17.959 --> 00:46:21.124
and asking for help,
talking to other people.

00:46:21.125 --> 00:46:22.583
It made it easier.

00:46:22.584 --> 00:46:25.666
N[Stephen]: Oh yeah. Yeah. So...

00:46:25.667 --> 00:46:27.416
Scary, I guess.

00:46:27.417 --> 00:46:30.458
You know, I\'ve been doing this
20 years now,

00:46:30.459 --> 00:46:32.166
coming in and out, in and out,

00:46:32.167 --> 00:46:36.918
and, you know, like,
I\'ve had enough.

00:46:37.959 --> 00:46:39.500
[Dennis]:
You don\'t belong in there.

00:46:39.501 --> 00:46:45.291
Don\'t give up, and, you know,
you don\'t have to do it alone.

00:46:45.292 --> 00:46:50.918
We\'re rooting for you, man.
We\'re on your team.

00:47:03.334 --> 00:47:04.334
[Dennis]:
I know what we could do.

00:47:04.335 --> 00:47:06.583
You guys want to try
a harpoon throw?

00:47:06.584 --> 00:47:08.917
You guys got to get ready
for whaling, you know.

00:47:08.918 --> 00:47:12.125
You got to learn
how to throw a harpoon.

00:47:12.834 --> 00:47:15.166
Okay, Hayden, harpoon him good!

00:47:15.167 --> 00:47:18.333
Oh, yeah!
You just missed him.

00:47:18.334 --> 00:47:20.333
You guys, that\'s the whale
right there.

00:47:20.334 --> 00:47:22.041
Try this one.

00:47:22.042 --> 00:47:23.750
[Dennis]: My higher power

00:47:23.751 --> 00:47:25.416
is the love
that you have for me,

00:47:25.417 --> 00:47:27.208
and the love that I have
for you,

00:47:27.209 --> 00:47:29.875
and the love that we have
for one another.

00:47:29.876 --> 00:47:32.041
Okay, watch Lucas first.

00:47:32.042 --> 00:47:33.249
Oh, just about!

00:47:33.250 --> 00:47:34.999
[Dennis]: For the longest time,

00:47:35.000 --> 00:47:37.124
I didn\'t know
what the hell to believe in.

00:47:37.125 --> 00:47:38.583
I didn\'t believe
that there was something

00:47:38.584 --> 00:47:41.208
that was greater than me,
I guess.

00:47:41.209 --> 00:47:41.959
Here\'s your harpoons.

00:47:41.960 --> 00:47:45.375
Good whalers, boys!
Good hunters!

00:47:46.250 --> 00:47:47.167
Oh, right on, Hayden!

00:47:47.167 --> 00:47:47.834
You\'re ready to go whaling.

00:47:47.835 --> 00:47:51.500
[Dennis]: The care and concern
that we have for one another,

00:47:51.501 --> 00:47:52.958
that\'s what I call \"god,\"

00:47:52.959 --> 00:47:56.458
and I had to make it
as simple as that.

00:47:56.459 --> 00:47:58.625
Alcohol and drugs
wasn\'t my problem.

00:47:58.626 --> 00:48:01.666
All my life, I got told
that it was my problem,

00:48:01.667 --> 00:48:03.541
but it was my solution.

00:48:03.542 --> 00:48:04.958
The problem was me.

00:48:04.959 --> 00:48:10.750
I was just spiritually unfit
to live in my own skin.

00:48:10.751 --> 00:48:13.666
That\'s what\'s happening
with our people, I think.

00:48:13.667 --> 00:48:16.833
All people
who are suffering from...

00:48:16.834 --> 00:48:17.958
from addictions

00:48:17.959 --> 00:48:21.999
are suffering from being
spiritually sick.

00:48:22.000 --> 00:48:23.041
And our culture,

00:48:23.042 --> 00:48:26.333
it teaches us
how to love ourselves.

00:48:26.334 --> 00:48:28.500
I need to pick up the tools

00:48:28.501 --> 00:48:32.291
and be the matriarch
of my family.

00:48:32.292 --> 00:48:35.791
Like, I\'m coming up
as the grandmother

00:48:35.792 --> 00:48:37.583
and the mother,

00:48:37.584 --> 00:48:40.082
and I can\'t do that

00:48:40.083 --> 00:48:45.042
while smoking drugs
or doing alcohol.

00:48:54.709 --> 00:48:56.917
[Desirae]: As a Native woman,

00:48:56.918 --> 00:49:00.208
I can stand as strong
as I am today, right?

00:49:00.209 --> 00:49:02.166
I can have the backbone
that I need,

00:49:02.167 --> 00:49:04.999
not only for my own people,
but for my kids,

00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:07.083
for my family, for my mom.

00:49:08.918 --> 00:49:10.208
Look who it is!

00:49:10.209 --> 00:49:11.000
How are you?

00:49:11.001 --> 00:49:13.041
Give a hug.
Give Kokum a hug.

00:49:13.042 --> 00:49:14.082
Now I can play.

00:49:14.083 --> 00:49:15.291
Now you can play, yeah.

00:49:15.292 --> 00:49:18.626
Hi, my girl.
How are you?

00:49:19.292 --> 00:49:20.333
[Desirae]: I am really happy

00:49:20.334 --> 00:49:22.333
that me and my mom cleaned up
around the same time,

00:49:22.334 --> 00:49:24.333
because I get to walk with her.

00:49:24.334 --> 00:49:26.249
Give me a hug.

00:49:26.250 --> 00:49:29.333
Aw... What
are you doing?

00:49:29.334 --> 00:49:30.416
[Desirae]:
I\'ve always looked at...

00:49:30.417 --> 00:49:33.666
Like, our relationship
is more like sisters, really

00:49:33.667 --> 00:49:37.041
than it has ever really been
mother and daughter.

00:49:37.042 --> 00:49:38.999
I\'m trying to build something.

00:49:39.000 --> 00:49:40.416
I\'m going to build a house.

00:49:40.417 --> 00:49:42.291
[Desirae]: But I\'m grateful
that she\'s there for my kids,

00:49:42.292 --> 00:49:43.958
and she can help me
with my kids,

00:49:43.959 --> 00:49:47.333
because that\'s where
I need help now.

00:49:47.334 --> 00:49:49.041
[Paula]: We\'ll do it
all together.

00:49:49.042 --> 00:49:51.333
A family project, okay?

00:49:51.334 --> 00:49:52.167
I want a...

00:49:52.168 --> 00:49:53.541
I want a robot.

00:49:53.542 --> 00:49:56.209
You want a robot now?

00:49:57.250 --> 00:50:00.458
Okay, so he should have
two like that.

00:50:00.459 --> 00:50:01.167
See?

00:50:01.168 --> 00:50:02.374
Where\'s the bend?

00:50:02.375 --> 00:50:04.833
Now we need to make a head, see?

00:50:04.834 --> 00:50:06.082
You got any more
straws for a head?

00:50:06.083 --> 00:50:09.291
With all the mistakes
that I\'ve done in my life,

00:50:09.292 --> 00:50:11.333
I don\'t want to repeat it,

00:50:11.334 --> 00:50:14.082
and so I try sometimes too hard.

00:50:14.083 --> 00:50:15.500
Go get me a yellow straw.

00:50:15.501 --> 00:50:17.166
I\'ll make a better head.

00:50:17.167 --> 00:50:19.291
[Desirae]: It is
really tough for me

00:50:19.292 --> 00:50:20.083
to always be respectful,

00:50:20.084 --> 00:50:22.458
\'cause I did
a lot of growing on my own,

00:50:22.459 --> 00:50:25.166
but now she can show that love
to my children,

00:50:25.167 --> 00:50:27.458
which is what
I\'m extremely grateful for

00:50:27.459 --> 00:50:28.833
that they actually have
a grandma,

00:50:28.834 --> 00:50:32.041
and I\'m learning now
the walls that I put up,

00:50:32.042 --> 00:50:33.249
and what I need to take down,

00:50:33.250 --> 00:50:35.708
and to be more gentle and kind.

00:50:35.709 --> 00:50:37.333
Look, Mom, I made you something.

00:50:37.334 --> 00:50:39.500
Cool. Awesome.

00:50:39.501 --> 00:50:40.209
[Paula]: Me and my daughter

00:50:40.210 --> 00:50:42.999
have done a lot of work
on ourselves.

00:50:43.000 --> 00:50:44.750
Mother and daughter.

00:50:44.751 --> 00:50:46.291
My Pumpkin.

00:50:46.292 --> 00:50:47.500
The baby...

00:50:47.501 --> 00:50:49.333
[Paula]: I think
because we did that,

00:50:49.334 --> 00:50:54.291
we got to work on our hearts
and healing.

00:50:54.292 --> 00:50:56.374
Yeah, see all the yellow?

00:50:56.375 --> 00:50:57.666
New beginnings for us.

00:50:57.667 --> 00:50:59.958
I hope that Creator
keeps us clean

00:50:59.959 --> 00:51:00.709
for the rest of our lives,

00:51:00.710 --> 00:51:03.249
and then somewhere,
maybe 10 years down the road,

00:51:03.250 --> 00:51:05.333
we\'re going to have a really
healthy relationship,

00:51:05.334 --> 00:51:08.500
but right now,
it\'s still in its infant stage.

00:51:08.501 --> 00:51:10.333
We\'re still learning
how to walk with it.

00:51:10.334 --> 00:51:12.500
You know, when her kids
get to be teenagers,

00:51:12.501 --> 00:51:14.999
and my other grandchildren
get to be teenagers,

00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:16.666
they\'re going to see
a sober grandma.

00:51:16.667 --> 00:51:19.374
They\'re going to see a kokum
that loves to go pow-wow.

00:51:19.375 --> 00:51:20.541
[Desirae]: This year,

00:51:20.542 --> 00:51:22.541
we\'re all going
to be three generations

00:51:22.542 --> 00:51:25.500
dancing the Sun Dance together.

00:51:25.501 --> 00:51:27.124
It\'s pretty exciting to...

00:51:27.125 --> 00:51:28.917
to be able to go back to that,

00:51:28.918 --> 00:51:31.166
and just also
make my grandmother proud

00:51:31.167 --> 00:51:36.334
that I\'m starting to take on
the ways that she walked.

00:51:38.167 --> 00:51:39.000
[Alex]: The culture...

00:51:39.001 --> 00:51:40.917
Because I never thought
I would ever have that,

00:51:40.918 --> 00:51:42.124
I thought I\'d lost it...

00:51:42.125 --> 00:51:45.833
Just like it was drilled
out of us back in the day.

00:51:45.834 --> 00:51:50.500
Elders and our leader talk about

00:51:50.501 --> 00:51:53.542
it\'s good to make
our own regalia.

00:51:54.751 --> 00:51:59.208
One of the things
I really worked on are these.

00:51:59.209 --> 00:52:00.666
These are...

00:52:00.667 --> 00:52:03.833
I made, like,
six sets of leggings.

00:52:03.834 --> 00:52:04.792
It\'s the wolf.

00:52:04.793 --> 00:52:07.166
This goes...

00:52:07.167 --> 00:52:09.334
goes on there.

00:52:09.626 --> 00:52:12.500
But I will eventually
add some buttons.

00:52:12.501 --> 00:52:13.541
The more buttons you have

00:52:13.542 --> 00:52:18.249
is the sign of wealth
for the ts\'amiks

00:52:18.250 --> 00:52:21.041
and the matriarchs.

00:52:21.042 --> 00:52:23.124
[Paula]: My mom,
she gave me everything.

00:52:23.125 --> 00:52:25.959
All the beadwork
she did herself.

00:52:27.083 --> 00:52:32.166
Traditionally, we don\'t show
any part of our body,

00:52:32.167 --> 00:52:36.333
so I\'m covered from my toes,
all the way to my arms,

00:52:36.334 --> 00:52:40.583
all the way to my neck.

00:52:40.584 --> 00:52:42.208
Boy, that\'s really nice.

00:52:42.209 --> 00:52:45.750
And that\'s to show respect
for my body.

00:52:45.751 --> 00:52:46.999
When we go pow-wow dancing,

00:52:47.000 --> 00:52:50.625
a lot of people don\'t realize
we\'re in prayer.

00:52:50.626 --> 00:52:53.416
It\'s not to put on a show,

00:52:53.417 --> 00:52:54.999
it\'s to be connected
to that centre pole,

00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:59.708
and to dance for the people
who are on the outside.

00:52:59.709 --> 00:53:04.374
We\'re dancing for
the whole world to be better.

00:53:04.375 --> 00:53:07.250
[drums beat steadily]

00:53:13.334 --> 00:53:14.000
[singers begin low]

00:53:14.001 --> 00:53:15.999
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome,

00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:19.875
from the Nisga\'a Nation...

00:53:19.876 --> 00:53:24.166
[singing and drumming together]

00:53:24.167 --> 00:53:25.834
[distant cheers]

00:53:57.501 --> 00:54:00.166
[Alex]: Being
part of the community,

00:54:00.167 --> 00:54:02.666
being involved in everything,

00:54:02.667 --> 00:54:04.333
it\'s really important to me

00:54:04.334 --> 00:54:07.875
because it is my identity,

00:54:07.876 --> 00:54:10.876
finding who I am.

00:54:13.292 --> 00:54:14.416
I believe

00:54:14.417 --> 00:54:18.918
that we all have
that little light in our heart.

00:54:20.042 --> 00:54:22.166
It may be dim,

00:54:22.167 --> 00:54:23.791
but it\'s not burnt out.

00:54:23.792 --> 00:54:26.082
It\'s there.

00:54:26.083 --> 00:54:31.375
And once you start believing,
it gets brighter.

00:54:32.250 --> 00:54:34.125
[they give a cheer]

00:54:35.375 --> 00:54:37.208
[♪♪♪]

00:54:37.209 --> 00:54:43.917
♪ You don\'t drink
from the bottle ♪

00:54:43.918 --> 00:54:51.918
♪ The bottle drinks from you ♪

00:54:52.834 --> 00:55:00.834
♪ You don\'t laugh
when it\'s empty ♪

00:55:01.292 --> 00:55:09.292
♪ The empty laughs at you ♪

00:55:09.667 --> 00:55:16.625
♪ And I promise
she\'ll leave you ♪

00:55:16.626 --> 00:55:24.626
♪ Though you\'ve heard it
all before ♪

00:55:26.292 --> 00:55:32.999
♪ This time you\'ll be crying ♪

00:55:33.000 --> 00:55:41.000
♪ As you watch her
close the door ♪

00:55:42.792 --> 00:55:50.208
♪ You don\'t drink
from the bottle ♪

00:55:50.209 --> 00:55:58.209
♪ The bottle drinks from you ♪

00:55:59.459 --> 00:56:06.583
♪ You don\'t laugh
when it\'s empty ♪

00:56:06.584 --> 00:56:11.667
♪ The empty laughs at you ♪