WEBVTT

00:00:51.935 --> 00:00:54.492
- Hello?
- Hello. Good afternoon.

00:00:54.854 --> 00:00:58.415
- Hello, Cpl. Viera speaking.
- How do you do, corporal?

00:00:58.615 --> 00:01:00.614
I\'d like to ask you a few questions.

00:01:00.681 --> 00:01:03.771
I\'m looking into the death
of a relative...

00:01:03.838 --> 00:01:07.599
- I see.
- My father. It happened in 1990,

00:01:07.666 --> 00:01:10.735
on Obelisk beach of Salinas.

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I guess. I\'m not entirely sure.
That\'s what I\'ve been told.

00:01:13.703 --> 00:01:18.613
- What\'s the deceased\'s name?
- Juan José Fernández Salaverría.

00:01:18.734 --> 00:01:22.273
Do you know if he died by drowning?
Or was it a homicide?

00:01:22.424 --> 00:01:27.554
It isn\'t clear if it was an accident
or whether he committed suicide.

00:01:29.241 --> 00:01:31.823
Those kinds of records
are kept for up to ten years.

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After ten years, the file is destroyed.

00:01:35.874 --> 00:01:37.651
We gather and burn the records,

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and the ashes are subject to a process
to prevent anyone from restoring it.

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In any case,
I can\'t disclose any details.

00:01:49.214 --> 00:01:53.012
The only way would be
to obtain a warrant.

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Fernández... All right.

00:02:16.936 --> 00:02:19.578
If he died by drowning...

00:02:21.210 --> 00:02:22.910
Do you have an approximate date?

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February 8, 1990.

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February 8...

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We have records on file...

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from other courthouses.

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There may be something from 1990,
but we must figure out where,

00:02:40.749 --> 00:02:43.302
as it may be in an archival chamber...

00:02:44.440 --> 00:02:48.020
virtually unnavigable.

00:02:50.157 --> 00:02:53.314
I can look for it.
Maybe not right now.

00:03:00.333 --> 00:03:03.280
Among my fellow clerks
who may know something about this,

00:03:03.347 --> 00:03:05.692
one is off sick with cancer...

00:03:07.603 --> 00:03:09.174
and the other passed away.

00:03:09.874 --> 00:03:12.823
And Leticia...

00:03:12.890 --> 00:03:16.038
She\'s too new to the job
to know anything about the 1990s.

00:03:16.731 --> 00:03:18.188
I wasn\'t here then...

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I mean, I try to keep
the files organized and stuff,

00:03:21.996 --> 00:03:24.789
collect loose case files...

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I believe everything
should be in its right place.

00:05:17.188 --> 00:05:21.719
JUAN JOSÉ FERNÁNDEZ SALAVERRÍA
as my father

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A film by
JUAN IGNACIO FERNÁNDEZ HOPPE

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Produced by CAROLINA CAMPO LUPO

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PORTRAIT OF MY FATHER

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What was that last day like,
before he went to the coast?

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Do you remember?

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It was like any other day, mostly.

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He had started to go to the beach often.

00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:06.841
He said he preferred beaches
outside Montevideo.

00:06:07.534 --> 00:06:11.866
Since he wasn\'t doing so well
and he looked kind of sickly,

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I thought of going with him,

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but Mom had a medical appointment
on the same day.

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I told him so,
but he said, \"No, go with Mom.

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Go ahead, go with Mom.\"

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So he went out...

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He would always stay out late,
as he liked to watch the Moon rise

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while he smoked.

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I remember him saying,
\"I\'m coming home late tonight.\"

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He said that. \"I\'m coming home late.\"

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I remember I started
to call the coastguard stations

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of different seaside towns...

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until...

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someone finally told me...

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a body had been found and...

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it could potentially be him.

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When you went in to identify the body,

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did you hold out hope
it wouldn\'t be him?

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No, because...

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we knew his papers and some belongings
had been found with him.

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I had already got it into my head that...

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he was... deceased.

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So, you know...

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it was him; he was lying there.

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And...

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There was nothing else we could do

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other than facing the facts.

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I think they gave us
some personal belongings of his.

00:08:12.413 --> 00:08:14.624
Also, we were told

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an autopsy had to be conducted, right?

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As there didn\'t seem to be...

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an apparent cause of death.

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I talked to the doctor.

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He\'s the one who provided me...
with the hypothesis or theory

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I have and will always embrace.

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He was sitting close to the shore...

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most likely asleep
due to the psychotropic medication.

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In that part of the beach,

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maybe it happens in every beach,

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but in that one for sure,

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the tide rises significantly
creating a sort of pool

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where he drowned, by the shore.

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He didn\'t go in the water.

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So, when the doctor asked
whether an autopsy should be performed,

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I distinctly recall asking him,
and I\'m sure I said this,

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\"Has he sustained any injuries?

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Are there any signs of him being
beaten, attacked, or assaulted?\"

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\"No, there\'s nothing.\"

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\"Well, then...\"

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I said, \"I\'d rather you didn\'t.\"

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It was Alicia\'s call.

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Even though they had split up,

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I never questioned her.
It made total sense.

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Alicia had been
his life-long partner, so...

00:10:01.570 --> 00:10:03.928
she was the one who...

00:10:05.108 --> 00:10:08.525
had earned the right
to make those decisions.

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That kind of decisions.

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You were still a child, so, naturally...

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Children don\'t usually have a saying
in that kind of situations,

00:10:22.130 --> 00:10:25.387
although maybe they should.

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I\'m making a documentary
about my father.

00:11:02.815 --> 00:11:07.128
- Was he from around here?
- No, from Montevideo, but...

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he died here,
in the beach of Salinas.

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He drowned.
His body was found on the beach.

00:11:12.929 --> 00:11:16.163
So I\'m trying to piece
his life story together.

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- We\'ve had our fair share of drownings.
- Several.

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Several people. Jesus.

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Don\'t get me started.

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- I told him many have drowned here.
- Indeed!

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- At the mouth of the creek.
- Exactly.

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And off the coast of Marindia, too.
It\'s the sinkholes, you know.

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People don\'t know they\'re there.

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I\'m your father and it doesn\'t sadden me

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To dream about you, my child

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You\'re an extension of myself

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If I seem... if I seem a little gloomy

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It\'s not because of something you said

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On the contrary, it\'s the excitement

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Of knowing my daughter
has turned into poetry

00:12:16.974 --> 00:12:18.723
Upon finding somebody to love

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Well done!

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He says his father drowned here.
Apparently, he was from Montevideo.

00:12:30.827 --> 00:12:34.719
- And was found here.
- On the beach or by the creek?

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The beach. Salinas, right?

00:12:37.565 --> 00:12:39.928
- Was he found in Salinas?
- Yes.

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- Silverside may know.
- You weren\'t around, either.

00:12:45.000 --> 00:12:49.272
- No, I wasn\'t. Silverside may know.
- Maybe.

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They should know, they\'re locals.

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- What was your father\'s name?
- Juan José Fernandez.

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Juan José Fernandez...

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Right. Honestly, I\'m just
making conversation because I don\'t...

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- Unless Mario here knows something--
- I don\'t remember.

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If there was already a lifeguard,
Silverside\'s your man.

00:13:15.220 --> 00:13:18.455
- Maybe they should interview him.
- He may know something.

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- Silverside, then.
- Exactly.

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Silverside\'s lived around here
all his life.

00:13:23.579 --> 00:13:26.167
He was a lifeguard for years.
He\'s retired now.

00:13:26.234 --> 00:13:28.896
It might be a start.

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BUS STOP

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I found a body
around that time.

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This person had died in front
of Salinas\'s beachside bar...

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of... a heart attack.

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Apparently, he was out walking
early morning when it happened.

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I went out to look at the beach
before going to work

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and saw someone lying on the ground.

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The person was lying face down,

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with his mouth in a puddle of water,

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or better yet, a narrow stream
flowing across the sand.

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No more than a meter wide.

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He was facing away from me,
and I saw a puddle of blood.

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I thought something was wrong
so I felt his neck and stuff.

00:14:56.979 --> 00:14:58.270
There were no vital signs.

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Physically, he bears a resemblance
with the person I found

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since, from what I can see,
he was rather chubby

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and balding, like me.

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However, since I saw him from behind,
I cannot say for sure it was him.

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The thing about my father is that,

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at the time, as far as I know,

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and I was just an 8-year-old,

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he was suffering from depression.

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One hypothesis is that he was
on some psychotropic medication,

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so he fell asleep.

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Or maybe he took too many pills
and... I don\'t know...

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That\'s basically
what I\'m trying to establish.

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I see.

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It\'s a possibility.
You can\'t rule anything out.

00:15:57.182 --> 00:16:01.357
Life... life has many twists and turns.

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I... I was in Lagomar once

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and found a person
hanged to death.

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I mean, someone reported it,
I didn\'t discover the body myself.

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Hanging from a tiny tree.

00:16:17.721 --> 00:16:20.300
It\'s safe to assume
he hanged himself

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while being on something.

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Otherwise, instinct would kick in
and prevent you from doing it.

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That person could\'ve reached the ground

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and avoid hanging to death.

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Yet there it was, hanging...

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from a tiny tree near the beach.
So here\'s the deal:

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Logic dictates this person
must have been on something

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in order to hang himself to death
without offering resistance.

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I\'m not saying your father
did something like that, okay?

00:16:53.769 --> 00:16:56.653
Don\'t get me wrong.
But he might have. Look...

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As you go through life,
you see so much,

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people with such diverse ideas
and lifestyles,

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that you can never know what to expect.

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You can\'t jump to conclusions
without proof.

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- Did he have his medication on him?
- Yes.

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We were given a bag
with medication in it.

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- What kind of medication?
- Oh, I don\'t know.

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Don\'t ask me that because I ignore it.

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It was... psychotropic medication.

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But it was not like...

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three empty blister packs.

00:18:11.278 --> 00:18:14.541
Something that would suggest...

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I mean, something visible,
a concrete hint...

00:18:20.268 --> 00:18:22.743
at something in that regard.

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He had all kinds of meds at his disposal.

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Of that same medication,
he had a huge supply.

00:18:33.826 --> 00:18:37.921
To make sure
he would never run out of it.

00:18:38.930 --> 00:18:40.592
So he always...

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had some on him.

00:18:44.698 --> 00:18:47.457
So you regarded those bags...
the one bag, sorry,

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filled with all those meds,
those packets,

00:18:50.035 --> 00:18:52.107
as a sign,
you saw it as a sign.

00:18:52.174 --> 00:18:55.660
Besides, you told the guy
\"He suffered from depression.\"

00:18:55.727 --> 00:19:00.565
I feel that you were implying
it was quite likely he\'d killed himself

00:19:00.860 --> 00:19:04.398
so it wasn\'t necessary to cut him open
and conduct an autopsy.

00:19:04.465 --> 00:19:05.928
Wasn\'t that your line of reasoning?

00:19:05.995 --> 00:19:09.233
No, my line of reasoning was
that he had a chronic condition

00:19:09.300 --> 00:19:11.648
and had been on those meds
for ten years.

00:19:12.069 --> 00:19:13.678
They hadn\'t killed him before.

00:19:15.426 --> 00:19:18.657
I never used the word \"suicide\",
you know that.

00:19:19.028 --> 00:19:22.376
I never did,
and not because I don\'t want to or...

00:19:22.683 --> 00:19:23.934
It would\'ve been much easier.

00:19:24.001 --> 00:19:28.998
\"He was found dead on the beach\"
takes much longer to say.

00:19:30.051 --> 00:19:31.758
That\'s what I\'ve always said.

00:19:31.825 --> 00:19:35.371
And what I tell myself to this day.
\"He was found dead on the beach.\"

00:19:35.438 --> 00:19:39.264
I don\'t have it in me,
I just can\'t say \"He killed himself.\"

00:19:50.184 --> 00:19:52.990
Then, at home,
we had to go through the process...

00:19:54.121 --> 00:19:59.699
of going into his bedroom
and sorting out his belongings.

00:20:00.751 --> 00:20:02.217
Putting them away.

00:20:06.872 --> 00:20:10.234
Back then, what did you think
you would do with his things?

00:20:11.897 --> 00:20:14.938
It was clear they had to be stored away.

00:20:17.238 --> 00:20:18.885
They were put away in a box.

00:20:21.582 --> 00:20:23.803
Besides, I considered that...

00:20:25.577 --> 00:20:27.957
ultimately...

00:20:30.284 --> 00:20:35.197
his stuff belonged
to Alicia and Ignacio.

00:20:38.805 --> 00:20:40.001
Thank you.

00:20:42.934 --> 00:20:48.443
So I box them up...
and preserved it for them.

00:21:00.518 --> 00:21:03.647
All right.
I\'ve picked out a few things...

00:21:04.254 --> 00:21:08.485
but feel free to go near them
and take your pick.

00:21:08.552 --> 00:21:11.444
- Oh, those are his belongings.
- Yes.

00:21:13.178 --> 00:21:16.231
- Yeah.
- I wasn\'t paying much attention.

00:21:16.298 --> 00:21:18.248
Or else, I would\'ve died.

00:21:21.297 --> 00:21:23.150
That table has \"Fernández\"
written all over.

00:21:27.981 --> 00:21:30.390
- Is that so?
- Excuse me?

00:21:30.457 --> 00:21:31.799
What makes you say that?

00:21:32.426 --> 00:21:34.594
There\'s a little bit of everything.

00:21:35.174 --> 00:21:38.116
And because of how daunting
its mere sight is.

00:21:44.897 --> 00:21:47.947
You get to know someone over the course
of your relationship with them.

00:21:48.014 --> 00:21:50.848
I mean, I have all those documents,
his belongings, his words,

00:21:50.915 --> 00:21:53.934
but as I couldn\'t build
a relationship with him

00:21:55.032 --> 00:21:59.551
beyond that of an 8-year-old
living in another city--

00:21:59.618 --> 00:22:01.808
- A 4-year-old.
- Ok, four.

00:22:01.875 --> 00:22:04.443
Seeing him once a fortnight,
once a month...

00:22:04.914 --> 00:22:07.513
That\'s why. By questioning you,

00:22:07.580 --> 00:22:13.440
I\'m trying to find fragments
that shed light on our relationship.

00:22:14.129 --> 00:22:16.180
I can\'t seem to make you understand,

00:22:16.641 --> 00:22:19.422
maybe it\'s because I\'m so bent
on protecting you,

00:22:19.952 --> 00:22:23.662
how helpless he was.

00:22:24.721 --> 00:22:26.187
Why mincing your words?

00:22:26.617 --> 00:22:30.628
Stop overprotecting me. Enough!
I\'m 36 years old!

00:22:30.695 --> 00:22:34.581
But it\'s not only for your sake.
It\'s about being mindful of others.

00:22:34.648 --> 00:22:37.588
Maybe it\'s the doctor in me.

00:22:37.655 --> 00:22:39.802
When you make a diagnosis...

00:22:40.586 --> 00:22:44.898
some are more tactless than others,
but...

00:22:45.157 --> 00:22:48.257
- There\'s more to life than diagnoses.
- Well...

00:22:48.324 --> 00:22:51.028
Talk to me. It\'s like they say,

00:22:51.095 --> 00:22:53.022
\"Let them talk,
it\'s a sign we\'re moving.\"

00:22:53.089 --> 00:22:55.913
No matter how wrong you are,
it\'s better than not talking.

00:22:56.360 --> 00:22:58.579
In 1988, I said...

00:22:59.875 --> 00:23:04.853
It was in March, so almost exactly
two years before he passed.

00:23:05.151 --> 00:23:09.801
At the time, I would drive you
from Colonia specifically so that

00:23:10.088 --> 00:23:14.243
you could spend the afternoon
with your dad at his apartment.

00:23:15.429 --> 00:23:18.837
He wouldn\'t leave the house.

00:23:18.904 --> 00:23:22.224
Not even to take you
for a walk around the block.

00:23:22.421 --> 00:23:23.604
You stayed in there.

00:23:23.923 --> 00:23:27.715
But what I recall,
and it\'s as if I could see his face,

00:23:28.321 --> 00:23:32.667
he only spoke in phrases like these,
as if saying...

00:23:34.073 --> 00:23:36.725
\"Dearest\". \"My dear son\".

00:23:37.449 --> 00:23:41.874
That\'s not what a normal
father-son relationship should be like.

00:23:41.941 --> 00:23:46.884
You can say it occasionally,
but not repeat it all the time.

00:23:46.951 --> 00:23:50.863
TO MY BEST FRIEND, MY SON JUAN IGNACIO.
FROM DAD.

00:23:50.930 --> 00:23:52.845
THANK GOD

00:23:52.912 --> 00:23:55.116
It\'s as if he couldn\'t play with you.

00:23:55.183 --> 00:24:00.449
I don\'t know how to put it,
but he couldn\'t get along with you...

00:24:05.239 --> 00:24:07.570
the same way everybody does
with a child.

00:24:07.637 --> 00:24:11.116
Maybe the way I saw him
get along with Bety or Carlos

00:24:11.183 --> 00:24:14.903
when they were that age:
Three, four, five years old.

00:24:51.953 --> 00:24:53.402
Let\'s give this a go.

00:25:00.685 --> 00:25:02.326
You brought me this, Carlos.

00:25:02.393 --> 00:25:04.282
Tell me what it is
and why you brought it.

00:25:05.853 --> 00:25:11.972
Well, this is a magnetic tape recorder.

00:25:12.627 --> 00:25:19.867
They were popular
in the \'60s, \'70s and \'80s.

00:25:22.297 --> 00:25:24.515
When Juanjo passed away,

00:25:24.582 --> 00:25:30.447
this was left at my mom\'s place.

00:25:31.569 --> 00:25:34.135
And since I was...

00:25:34.428 --> 00:25:40.290
I was the one who was
into sound recording and electronics,

00:25:40.357 --> 00:25:45.478
the custody of this piece of equipment
was entrusted to me.

00:25:46.455 --> 00:25:51.602
Ultimately, as time went by,
I sort of became its curator.

00:25:51.669 --> 00:25:56.518
This stores recordings made by Juanjo.

00:25:58.470 --> 00:26:00.425
And, well, I believe...

00:26:00.902 --> 00:26:06.220
passing it on to you
is the right thing to do,

00:26:06.685 --> 00:26:08.437
because you\'re his son.

00:26:08.751 --> 00:26:12.480
Maybe for the rest of the world
it\'s not something important,

00:26:12.547 --> 00:26:15.741
but for those close to him it is,

00:26:15.808 --> 00:26:21.711
as we witnessed his musical endeavors.

00:26:29.455 --> 00:26:33.100
Let me see... here.

00:26:35.161 --> 00:26:38.030
\"Nostalgia dances\"...

00:26:39.192 --> 00:26:40.374
by Juan José.

00:28:00.759 --> 00:28:05.070
Thing is, this is just like
any other of my dad\'s belongings.

00:28:07.001 --> 00:28:08.699
Keeping it clean is a hassle.

00:28:08.766 --> 00:28:10.876
Cleaning and maintenance, right.

00:28:10.943 --> 00:28:12.486
Or it ends up covered in dust.

00:28:13.630 --> 00:28:18.108
If you don\'t play a piano,
it becomes a mere piece of furniture.

00:28:22.844 --> 00:28:25.343
I saw him work on this, right here.

00:28:25.410 --> 00:28:30.057
He used a kettledrum stick.

00:28:30.124 --> 00:28:33.745
It\'s a felt-wrapped stick.

00:28:34.381 --> 00:28:37.847
He also used his hands,
and the keys.

00:28:38.300 --> 00:28:42.705
But this is the most dismantled
I\'ve ever seen it.

00:28:43.308 --> 00:28:47.114
If I have,

00:28:47.181 --> 00:28:49.028
I can\'t say I remember, honestly.

00:29:05.630 --> 00:29:07.864
You know what? The sight of this

00:29:08.653 --> 00:29:10.990
stirs childhood memories.

00:29:11.587 --> 00:29:13.688
But it must be
because we\'ve opened it up.

00:29:16.818 --> 00:29:18.318
I remember playing with it.

00:29:19.466 --> 00:29:21.649
He might have shown me the hammers once.

00:29:23.392 --> 00:29:28.505
Or maybe I saw it on video
and it was a different piano.

00:29:28.572 --> 00:29:32.048
But... it does take me back.

00:29:49.814 --> 00:29:51.607
- May I speak?
- Yes.

00:29:52.286 --> 00:29:54.819
A theory has occurred to me.

00:29:55.209 --> 00:29:57.502
A possible interpretation, not a theory.

00:29:57.889 --> 00:30:00.397
Playing the piano
was very important for him.

00:30:00.464 --> 00:30:02.822
Well, he never...

00:30:03.489 --> 00:30:09.843
Let\'s say you wanna do it professionally,
or even as a hobby,

00:30:09.910 --> 00:30:11.135
your favorite one...

00:30:13.246 --> 00:30:17.248
He was never someone
to sit down at the piano on a daily

00:30:17.835 --> 00:30:19.933
or weekly basis.

00:30:20.685 --> 00:30:23.702
Not even for a few hours! I mean...

00:30:23.972 --> 00:30:26.366
It was like a game to him.

00:30:26.632 --> 00:30:31.083
He would sit and start... improvising,

00:30:31.150 --> 00:30:35.135
remove the front panel
and strum the strings. A game.

00:30:35.417 --> 00:30:37.809
A game. That\'s what it was. A game.

00:30:37.876 --> 00:30:40.211
I think it makes sense...

00:30:40.512 --> 00:30:44.209
in terms of his personality,

00:30:44.276 --> 00:30:45.927
which was quite childish.

00:30:46.742 --> 00:30:50.481
So, looking back on it,

00:30:50.548 --> 00:30:53.620
when did he approach it
professionally?

00:30:53.844 --> 00:30:57.834
You\'re going further back
to imply he wasn\'t fully committed,

00:30:57.901 --> 00:31:00.505
he played sparingly.
It\'s important to establish that.

00:31:00.572 --> 00:31:04.930
Playing sparingly might be enough.
Not everything has to become...

00:31:04.997 --> 00:31:09.042
Maybe you listen to music for 12 hours
and play for one.

00:31:09.415 --> 00:31:12.293
That\'s the way it is.
When you write music...

00:31:12.601 --> 00:31:17.114
It\'s like saying...
In my case, I watch movies.

00:31:17.181 --> 00:31:21.768
I watch a thousand
and make half, or one.

00:31:21.972 --> 00:31:25.257
Know what I mean?
That\'s how it works.

00:31:25.643 --> 00:31:28.346
So...

00:31:31.043 --> 00:31:32.043
I don\'t know.

00:31:33.272 --> 00:31:40.018
JUAN JOSÉ\'S RECORDINGS

00:31:47.813 --> 00:31:52.370
There\'s so much stuff
you\'ll end up retelling my life story

00:31:53.762 --> 00:31:57.630
as much as his.
Everything is so interconnected.

00:32:01.091 --> 00:32:02.091
Let\'s see.

00:32:12.310 --> 00:32:16.096
There might some more
of his belongings in here.

00:32:16.795 --> 00:32:18.222
Because they\'re old.

00:32:19.353 --> 00:32:21.876
This, for instance.
From the Municipal Band.

00:32:21.943 --> 00:32:24.441
Proof that music was his calling.

00:32:28.422 --> 00:32:32.439
When he was six, the age at which
you were allowed into theaters,

00:32:32.605 --> 00:32:36.739
Dad started taking us to concerts,
together with Mom.

00:32:39.385 --> 00:32:44.637
Back then, Juan José used to say
he was going to be a conductor.

00:32:45.841 --> 00:32:47.666
Have you noticed how conductors...?

00:32:47.895 --> 00:32:53.955
Nowadays it\'s less common,
but some still wear a tailcoat.

00:32:54.394 --> 00:32:57.025
It\'s a long coat with tails.

00:32:57.718 --> 00:33:00.063
- You must have seen it at some concert.
- I have.

00:33:00.430 --> 00:33:02.653
He would wear that with a safety pin

00:33:02.720 --> 00:33:05.707
and pretend to conduct an orchestra.

00:33:08.330 --> 00:33:11.099
- You mean during concerts?
- No, no. At home.

00:33:12.443 --> 00:33:15.564
- Did he put a record on?
- No, nothing like that.

00:33:15.631 --> 00:33:21.266
Maybe he would turn on the radio.
But, basically, he conducted.

00:33:21.333 --> 00:33:23.105
- So he stood in the hallway...
- Yes.

00:33:23.172 --> 00:33:26.149
He had a wand he used as a baton.

00:33:27.222 --> 00:33:31.941
You tell me about these concerts,
this musical calling of his...

00:33:32.008 --> 00:33:33.797
Yes, that\'s right.

00:33:36.205 --> 00:33:40.097
Did he, at any point,
said anything about starting a band?

00:33:40.164 --> 00:33:41.933
- No...
- Releasing an album?

00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:46.154
Making music his livelihood?
Even if it sounded crazy.

00:33:46.221 --> 00:33:48.780
- No, no.
- Becoming famous? What was his plan?

00:33:48.847 --> 00:33:50.630
He never said anything of the sort.

00:33:50.697 --> 00:33:52.474
Nevertheless...

00:33:54.734 --> 00:33:59.222
he became acquainted
with musicians and stuff.

00:33:59.437 --> 00:34:01.912
And played with them for a while.

00:34:04.696 --> 00:34:09.205
I think he joined some musicians
who played in Punta del Este.

00:34:12.579 --> 00:34:13.909
I think.

00:34:32.230 --> 00:34:33.921
...AND PSYCHO-MUSIC

00:34:35.651 --> 00:34:37.286
PROFESSOR: JUAN JOSÉ FERNÁNDEZ

00:34:43.666 --> 00:34:46.688
SOUND, A COSMIC FORCE

00:34:47.290 --> 00:34:48.290
MUSIC THERAPY CONGRESS

00:34:48.357 --> 00:34:52.954
ELECTRONIC SOUNDS THAT CAUSE
ANXIETY, ALERTNESS OR RELAXATION

00:34:53.121 --> 00:34:57.121
MUSIC THERAPY
A CONGRESS WITH SWING

00:35:16.007 --> 00:35:19.983
JUAN JOSÉ FERNÁNDEZ
MUSIC THERAPIST

00:35:25.049 --> 00:35:28.049
DISABLED YOUTHS
MAKE A FUTURE FOR THEMSELVES

00:35:31.218 --> 00:35:34.490
MENTALLY RETARDED YOUTHS
NOW FIT FOR WORK

00:35:48.076 --> 00:35:51.376
- I\'m the son of an ETRO professor...
- Who\'s your dad?

00:35:51.443 --> 00:35:52.748
Juan José Fernández.

00:35:53.347 --> 00:35:57.333
Juan José Fernández?
Doesn\'t ring a bell. What did he teach?

00:35:57.400 --> 00:35:58.639
Music therapy.

00:35:58.975 --> 00:36:03.707
Oh, right. Thing is,
we didn\'t have much contact.

00:36:04.935 --> 00:36:07.977
I think I remember what he looked like.

00:36:08.746 --> 00:36:11.482
- He was shorter than me...
- Yes.

00:36:12.026 --> 00:36:14.217
... and rather chubby.

00:36:15.772 --> 00:36:18.495
Sure! We worked together!

00:36:18.562 --> 00:36:21.242
Juan José was a music therapy professor.

00:36:21.767 --> 00:36:22.813
Right.

00:36:35.709 --> 00:36:40.157
Take your time, no hurry.
Take a look at that.

00:36:46.074 --> 00:36:48.142
\"Psycho-music.\" Yes.

00:36:55.144 --> 00:36:58.078
His subject was unlike the rest.

00:36:58.145 --> 00:37:00.604
He established a dialogue with the kids.

00:37:00.671 --> 00:37:02.281
Conversations.

00:37:02.348 --> 00:37:06.814
Always resorting to instruments of work.

00:37:06.881 --> 00:37:10.912
Tools such as hammers, hand saws, awls.

00:37:11.220 --> 00:37:13.803
And wood planes, water.

00:37:13.870 --> 00:37:17.979
His music therapy workshop
made use of all that.

00:37:18.868 --> 00:37:21.300
So he made music using tools?

00:37:21.367 --> 00:37:25.629
He used the sounds those tools made.
The sounds.

00:37:26.484 --> 00:37:28.618
There was a lot of vocalizing.

00:37:33.984 --> 00:37:35.351
- Like that.
- Awesome.

00:37:35.418 --> 00:37:36.599
It was fantastic.

00:37:36.666 --> 00:37:39.922
Juan José was one-of-a-kind.
I\'m getting goosebumps.

00:37:42.519 --> 00:37:45.230
I\'m trying to picture
what the procedure was like.

00:37:45.297 --> 00:37:49.619
You would come to ETRO,
attend a carpentry workshop,

00:37:49.686 --> 00:37:52.060
start doing woodwork
and, at some point,

00:37:52.127 --> 00:37:56.871
- let\'s say 11, it was time...
- For Juan José!

00:37:58.045 --> 00:38:02.205
But were they done
with carpentry for the day

00:38:02.452 --> 00:38:06.471
or was it something more seamless?
Would Juan José pop in the classroom

00:38:06.538 --> 00:38:11.461
and the tools they had been using
became musical instruments?

00:38:11.528 --> 00:38:12.528
Exactly.

00:38:28.459 --> 00:38:31.174
Does it take you back?
You hear it in your head?

00:38:42.863 --> 00:38:44.483
How did he die?

00:38:45.617 --> 00:38:47.225
Well...

00:38:47.588 --> 00:38:52.977
His body was found on Salinas beach.

00:38:53.266 --> 00:38:54.362
Oh, really?

00:38:55.267 --> 00:38:57.018
He drowned, let\'s say.

00:38:57.246 --> 00:39:02.692
What my mother was told back then,

00:39:02.759 --> 00:39:04.759
they were separated at the time,

00:39:05.034 --> 00:39:10.463
was that he fell asleep,
the tide rose,

00:39:10.907 --> 00:39:15.491
and water went into his mouth
drowning him.

00:39:15.801 --> 00:39:19.858
- That\'s hard to buy, though...
- And her being a doctor...

00:39:19.925 --> 00:39:23.075
Exactly. If sea rises around you,
you wake up.

00:39:23.786 --> 00:39:26.065
At the time,

00:39:26.384 --> 00:39:31.239
he was popping too many pills,
psychotropic medication,

00:39:31.306 --> 00:39:34.199
so suicide was a possibility.

00:39:34.266 --> 00:39:38.761
The way in which he died
suggested that.

00:39:43.594 --> 00:39:49.422
You know what? In Tacuarembó,
there\'s a very ancient cemetery,

00:39:49.489 --> 00:39:50.718
like all cemeteries.

00:39:51.498 --> 00:39:55.070
In it, a mausoleum features
an inscription that reads:

00:39:56.404 --> 00:39:59.106
\"Do not curse a departing soul

00:39:59.637 --> 00:40:02.044
that leaves behind the memory of suicide.

00:40:02.487 --> 00:40:04.928
No one knows what haunted them,

00:40:04.995 --> 00:40:07.404
driving them away
from the beaches of life.\"

00:40:07.673 --> 00:40:11.619
We\'ll never know what actually happened.

00:40:11.862 --> 00:40:17.070
That is, unless you come across...
something conclusive and clear-cut.

00:40:17.559 --> 00:40:22.397
Because, I don\'t know,
suicide is a bit much.

00:40:23.802 --> 00:40:26.325
However,
if he was suffering from depression...

00:40:31.248 --> 00:40:34.351
SCHOOL

00:41:06.444 --> 00:41:11.233
Mr. JUAN JOSÉ FERNÁNDEZ SALAVERRÍA,

00:41:12.061 --> 00:41:17.680
...for repeated absenteeism
in the workplace...

00:41:17.847 --> 00:41:23.910
...is requested to undergo
another medical examination.

00:41:24.077 --> 00:41:30.586
...which sheds light
on the disease he suffers from.

00:41:32.513 --> 00:41:35.089
THE MEDICAL BOARD
OF THE HEALTH AND WELLNESS DIVISION

00:41:35.256 --> 00:41:38.424
reports:

00:41:39.956 --> 00:41:41.609
Let me read it to you:

00:41:41.676 --> 00:41:44.398
\"His exchanges
with adolescents are abnormal.

00:41:44.822 --> 00:41:48.105
He does not converse with
but stares at them,

00:41:48.172 --> 00:41:50.390
giving them instructions through gestures,

00:41:50.457 --> 00:41:54.868
behaving like an overmedicated individual.\"

00:41:54.935 --> 00:41:57.915
Right. He might have shown up
sedated at work.

00:41:57.982 --> 00:41:59.006
It\'s possible.

00:41:59.073 --> 00:42:01.136
Didn\'t you notice this
while treating him?

00:42:01.203 --> 00:42:02.998
At no time was he my patient.

00:42:03.065 --> 00:42:07.054
He occasionally asked me for medication.

00:42:07.121 --> 00:42:11.381
When I was on call,
he would show up and we talked.

00:42:11.566 --> 00:42:14.371
- I always made sure...
- Right.

00:42:14.438 --> 00:42:16.225
to give him a reasonable amount,

00:42:16.292 --> 00:42:19.454
and to keep track of the dates
to avoid overmedicating him.

00:42:19.978 --> 00:42:25.163
We work with psychotropic medication,
we must be careful.

00:42:26.580 --> 00:42:30.072
But did he seem overmedicated?
As if he was overdoing it?

00:42:30.139 --> 00:42:32.466
You always have your suspicions,

00:42:32.533 --> 00:42:35.259
but I didn\'t know him that well,
and we weren\'t in touch.

00:42:35.709 --> 00:42:36.609
Right.

00:42:37.482 --> 00:42:41.454
Let\'s see. Maybe if I tell
you what meds he was on,

00:42:41.521 --> 00:42:44.044
it may jog your memory.

00:42:44.362 --> 00:42:46.846
\"Gloriax\" appears more than once.

00:42:46.913 --> 00:42:48.235
That\'s an anxiolytic.

00:42:48.302 --> 00:42:49.786
\"Anafranil 25.\"

00:42:49.853 --> 00:42:52.086
An antidepressant.

00:42:52.153 --> 00:42:54.785
- \"Frisium\".
- An anxiolytic, yes.

00:42:55.231 --> 00:42:57.230
- And \"Imipramix\"
- No idea.

00:42:57.297 --> 00:42:58.663
I don\'t know that one.

00:42:58.730 --> 00:43:01.210
Hold on a sec. \"Theorazidine\"?

00:43:01.837 --> 00:43:04.375
Rings a bell? Here. \"Theorazidine\".

00:43:04.542 --> 00:43:06.909
- Pardon?
- \"Theorazines\"...

00:43:07.076 --> 00:43:08.606
No. No, no.

00:43:10.581 --> 00:43:13.129
The handwriting is terrible. OK.

00:43:14.539 --> 00:43:18.908
How about \"Sedo-as\"?
Have you ever heard of it?

00:43:18.975 --> 00:43:21.384
Never heard of it, don\'t know it.

00:43:21.551 --> 00:43:26.337
It reads, \"The well-balanced formula
of Sedo-as comprises three properties.

00:43:26.404 --> 00:43:29.701
It\'s a sedating, anti-spasm
and broncholdilating medication.\"

00:43:29.768 --> 00:43:32.020
It might have been asthma

00:43:32.087 --> 00:43:36.140
or because he was suffering
from bronchospasm. No idea.

00:43:45.869 --> 00:43:48.250
It\'s as if you were trying

00:43:48.814 --> 00:43:53.496
to figure out why he got so frustrated

00:43:54.572 --> 00:43:56.188
and didn\'t accomplish his goals,

00:43:56.255 --> 00:43:58.687
or what he allegedly
wanted to accomplish.

00:43:59.290 --> 00:44:01.021
He was indeed fairly talented.

00:44:04.724 --> 00:44:07.017
There\'s only one explanation:

00:44:07.345 --> 00:44:10.698
He was ill, period.

00:44:11.780 --> 00:44:13.662
Mentally ill.

00:44:15.963 --> 00:44:20.254
I want to determine if complaining
because he didn\'t work hard enough,

00:44:20.321 --> 00:44:24.061
made the wrong choice
or gave up on his dream

00:44:24.128 --> 00:44:27.520
outweigh the impact
of his mental issues.

00:44:27.587 --> 00:44:29.871
His skipping work so often,

00:44:29.938 --> 00:44:32.887
was it due to the job itself?
To his coworkers?

00:44:33.292 --> 00:44:35.423
Didn\'t he feel sufficiently recognized?

00:44:35.490 --> 00:44:39.043
Music therapy was fine and dandy
but he wanted to be a conductor

00:44:39.110 --> 00:44:40.942
- lauded by thousands?
- Yes.

00:44:41.009 --> 00:44:43.349
He felt he was too good for the job?

00:44:43.416 --> 00:44:47.743
By doing this, you consider a person
beyond their mental illness.

00:44:47.810 --> 00:44:53.272
- He thought too highly of himself.
- But that had to do with his illness.

00:44:53.339 --> 00:44:57.421
Teaching music therapy to retards
may be very noble and enjoyable,

00:44:57.488 --> 00:45:01.345
but if you feel you should be
a conductor at Carnegie Hall,

00:45:01.412 --> 00:45:04.117
it can be soul-crushing.

00:45:04.184 --> 00:45:07.905
He didn\'t want to get out of bed
to play for a 3rd division club

00:45:07.972 --> 00:45:10.602
instead of the national football squad.

00:45:10.669 --> 00:45:14.243
If that was the case,
we have something concrete in our hands.

00:45:14.310 --> 00:45:16.087
He\'s no longer just a mental patient.

00:45:16.999 --> 00:45:20.315
But Ignacio,
if you\'re willing to admit that...

00:45:20.674 --> 00:45:23.444
That\'s why I gave you
the example of an asthma patient.

00:45:23.511 --> 00:45:27.354
But let\'s go back to your example
of the young man

00:45:27.421 --> 00:45:29.071
playing for a 3rd division club

00:45:29.138 --> 00:45:32.610
who feels he\'s good enough
to play the Soccer World Cup.

00:45:33.193 --> 00:45:36.004
I\'m sure that happens
to loads of people.

00:45:36.071 --> 00:45:38.297
- Happens all the time.
- To most people.

00:45:38.364 --> 00:45:40.997
Only a few chosen ones
make it to the top.

00:45:41.669 --> 00:45:44.169
That\'s when realism kicks in.

00:45:44.236 --> 00:45:46.785
Call it emotional intelligence
or whatever.

00:45:47.118 --> 00:45:49.618
You say to yourself,
\"I need to make a living somehow.\"

00:45:49.685 --> 00:45:54.004
And you find the proverbial
9-to-5 job, right?

00:45:54.370 --> 00:45:56.922
Yes. You make a living for yourself.

00:45:57.231 --> 00:46:00.622
Otherwise,
you\'re ducking the responsibility

00:46:00.984 --> 00:46:03.740
you have toward your \"dear son\"...

00:46:05.913 --> 00:46:07.928
Let alone your wife.
She can manage, though.

00:46:08.084 --> 00:46:10.447
OK, you don\'t care.
Go ahead, be irresponsible.

00:46:10.918 --> 00:46:14.075
Oh, Ignacio. Please. No, no.

00:46:14.142 --> 00:46:18.169
You\'ve managed to get me in the mood
for an injectable Tofranil.

00:46:18.236 --> 00:46:21.946
You\'re getting it all wrong.
I\'m just trying to help,

00:46:22.013 --> 00:46:24.939
give you another perspective.
I\'m invested in this.

00:46:25.006 --> 00:46:27.402
Let bygones be bygones.

00:46:27.469 --> 00:46:32.045
But do I come across
as defensive to you?

00:46:32.112 --> 00:46:33.656
I just don\'t know...

00:46:34.472 --> 00:46:38.058
What I remember
when we look back on this,

00:46:38.462 --> 00:46:40.562
is being in a dead-end situation.

00:46:40.629 --> 00:46:44.995
Besides, we\'re talking about a past
we can do nothing about.

00:47:40.899 --> 00:47:42.319
Did he plug a mic into this?

00:47:42.386 --> 00:47:45.168
- Yeah, right here.
- This is...

00:47:45.235 --> 00:47:47.719
- They\'re at home.
- You put them on a stand

00:47:47.786 --> 00:47:50.564
and use a long lead
to plug them into this

00:47:51.050 --> 00:47:52.609
to make stereo recordings.

00:47:53.113 --> 00:47:57.579
Professional equipment...
Well, semi-professional.

00:48:15.956 --> 00:48:17.931
Portrait of Beatriz Maria.

00:48:39.804 --> 00:48:41.058
People clapping.

00:48:42.809 --> 00:48:44.262
Portrait of Marina.

00:48:44.329 --> 00:48:45.857
Portrait of Marina.

00:48:47.305 --> 00:48:49.032
Unbelievable.

00:48:55.335 --> 00:48:58.496
- This one is \"Portrait of Alicia.\"
- Yes. A train engine.

00:49:21.082 --> 00:49:23.005
Portrait of Carlos Eduardo.

00:49:25.670 --> 00:49:27.563
They\'re family portraits.

00:49:57.590 --> 00:50:00.739
Listen, I\'m calling about the following.

00:50:00.806 --> 00:50:03.283
I\'m the son of a former
music therapy professor of yours.

00:50:03.350 --> 00:50:07.414
No, I studied shoemaking there.

00:50:07.581 --> 00:50:09.685
I wanted to be a carpenter,
but I couldn\'t,

00:50:09.752 --> 00:50:11.250
so I became a shoemaker.

00:50:13.641 --> 00:50:17.060
Didn\'t you make percussive music
with your work tools?

00:50:17.259 --> 00:50:18.473
What?

00:50:18.540 --> 00:50:21.885
Drumming but with tools.
Sounds familiar?

00:50:22.307 --> 00:50:25.242
I have no clue
what you\'re talking about.

00:50:26.273 --> 00:50:28.534
Hi. Is that Heber Rolan?

00:50:28.804 --> 00:50:31.638
- Yes.
- I\'m the son of Juan José Fernández.

00:50:31.705 --> 00:50:34.879
He taught you music therapy at ETRO.

00:50:34.946 --> 00:50:37.637
Of course. One hell of a guy.

00:50:38.028 --> 00:50:41.927
I would like to pay you a visit one day.

00:50:41.994 --> 00:50:44.274
When are you free? Do you work?

00:50:44.783 --> 00:50:46.550
I\'m a deacon.

00:50:46.757 --> 00:50:48.876
- Oh.
- Evangelical.

00:50:51.796 --> 00:50:54.426
I want more of You, Lord

00:50:58.356 --> 00:51:00.612
There has got to be more

00:51:04.473 --> 00:51:06.667
There has got to be more

00:51:10.738 --> 00:51:14.042
We love You, Lord!

00:51:14.109 --> 00:51:16.938
Hallelujah, we love You,
King of Glory!

00:51:17.005 --> 00:51:19.823
Blessed by thy name! Amen!

00:51:27.932 --> 00:51:30.131
- Boss...
- Thank you. God bless.

00:51:30.198 --> 00:51:31.586
Likewise. See you.

00:51:31.653 --> 00:51:35.098
- Have a good day. Bye.
- Ciao.

00:51:35.993 --> 00:51:36.993
See you.

00:51:40.289 --> 00:51:41.591
Well...

00:51:44.251 --> 00:51:46.682
So, when your father...

00:51:48.288 --> 00:51:50.907
was a teacher, you were just a kid.

00:51:52.115 --> 00:51:53.229
Yeah, I was quite young.

00:51:56.630 --> 00:51:58.413
You must have been around two.

00:51:58.480 --> 00:52:00.989
Yeah, two. I hardly knew him.

00:52:02.154 --> 00:52:05.976
In fact, I was never at ETRO.
Never got to see his workplace.

00:52:06.893 --> 00:52:10.783
Whenever I visited him,
he was always sort of lying in bed.

00:52:11.659 --> 00:52:14.884
- I never saw...
- No! Your father was always standing.

00:52:15.051 --> 00:52:16.522
He would never sit.

00:52:17.523 --> 00:52:22.521
Always standing.
\"It\'s Heber\'s turn, go.\"

00:52:22.588 --> 00:52:24.563
So I started playing.

00:52:26.605 --> 00:52:31.090
And then my namesake
would start playing the keyboard.

00:52:31.899 --> 00:52:36.451
And then the girls,
because there were women as well,

00:52:37.365 --> 00:52:39.234
played the tambourine.

00:52:39.301 --> 00:52:43.258
When we were all playing
at once, it sounded...

00:52:45.098 --> 00:52:51.072
But without a teacher
or a conductor to guide us,

00:52:51.874 --> 00:52:55.988
one would have gone in one direction
and the rest in another, see?

00:52:59.763 --> 00:53:04.520
- He brought about communion.
- Exactly. Unity.

00:53:06.576 --> 00:53:10.729
Back then, did you feel it had
something to do with God?

00:53:10.796 --> 00:53:13.119
Do you know why I\'m asking this?

00:53:13.186 --> 00:53:17.901
It\'s like old-timey servants...

00:53:18.238 --> 00:53:20.311
It\'s a gift from God.

00:53:23.396 --> 00:53:28.982
When you receive a gift from God,
you must express it.

00:53:30.676 --> 00:53:32.276
Do God\'s work.

00:53:32.852 --> 00:53:37.612
Like pastors or deacons do.

00:53:38.053 --> 00:53:40.300
The same goes for musicians.

00:53:41.115 --> 00:53:46.331
Or instrumentalists, like myself.
I\'m a musician, too.

00:53:49.634 --> 00:53:50.688
Right?

00:53:52.388 --> 00:53:56.561
Everything is based on unity.

00:53:56.980 --> 00:53:58.996
You witnessed that today.

00:54:00.335 --> 00:54:03.359
We were more united than ever.

00:54:04.063 --> 00:54:06.018
- Yes.
- See?

00:54:06.376 --> 00:54:08.888
There was unity, see?

00:54:09.160 --> 00:54:12.414
You behind the camera
and me on stage

00:54:12.481 --> 00:54:19.810
giving you a sense
of what your father showed me

00:54:20.443 --> 00:54:22.725
when he used to play music for us.

00:55:54.669 --> 00:55:58.066
Do you know any old timers in the area

00:55:58.916 --> 00:56:00.271
who may know something?

00:56:00.543 --> 00:56:02.384
No. There\'s no one.

00:56:02.783 --> 00:56:04.073
Not from back then.

00:56:04.408 --> 00:56:07.374
They\'re all new residents.
Besides, this place is deserted.

00:56:08.236 --> 00:56:09.236
That\'s a fact.

00:56:10.093 --> 00:56:12.469
I doubt you\'ll have any luck around here.

00:56:33.507 --> 00:56:38.330
I don\'t understand
how you expect to find that out.

00:56:40.140 --> 00:56:44.096
Was he at the beach by himself?
Didn\'t he come with anyone?

00:56:44.745 --> 00:56:46.710
- He was alone.
- I see. He was alone.

00:56:49.028 --> 00:56:50.182
Yeah, he was alone.

00:57:04.380 --> 00:57:06.211
My mother was indeed a tough woman!

00:57:08.158 --> 00:57:13.179
Pardon my bluntness but,
without an autopsy...

00:57:14.777 --> 00:57:17.699
what\'s the point of all this?

00:57:19.965 --> 00:57:20.980
He died.

00:57:21.047 --> 00:57:23.491
Allegedly, he drowned to death.

00:57:25.990 --> 00:57:28.326
There\'s one thing you\'ll never know...

00:57:30.288 --> 00:57:34.193
even if you track down
whoever fished him out of the water.

00:57:39.487 --> 00:57:42.958
I\'m basing my assumptions
on what you\'ve told me.

00:57:48.097 --> 00:57:49.445
Was it suicide?

00:57:50.639 --> 00:57:52.792
The high tide?

00:57:54.298 --> 00:57:56.762
Had he taken any pills?

00:57:57.414 --> 00:57:59.082
There was no autopsy.

00:58:07.081 --> 00:58:10.973
And, since there was not autopsy,
no coroner was involved.

00:58:11.169 --> 00:58:15.146
There are no tests or records.

00:58:19.648 --> 00:58:23.630
So, the question is,
what\'s the point of all this?

00:58:25.151 --> 00:58:27.157
What are you trying to achieve?

00:58:32.601 --> 00:58:33.893
Well...

00:59:28.476 --> 00:59:30.156
Does it bring back memories?

00:59:31.937 --> 00:59:33.052
Father-related?

00:59:33.491 --> 00:59:34.717
He\'s always there.

00:59:35.191 --> 00:59:38.108
My father\'s always on my mind.
Wherever I am.

00:59:41.390 --> 00:59:43.461
As I said, he died in 1972.

00:59:45.101 --> 00:59:47.133
I was 14 years old and...

00:59:47.732 --> 00:59:53.126
I remember that, out of his 8 children,
I was the most traumatized.

00:59:53.193 --> 00:59:57.142
I was scared of going out at dusk.

00:59:58.149 --> 01:00:02.351
There was a time
when I was taken to a...

01:00:03.406 --> 01:00:09.995
At the time, there were no psychologists
available at public hospitals...

01:00:10.762 --> 01:00:14.125
So they took me to see a lady,
a healer, who lived nearby,

01:00:14.416 --> 01:00:17.720
in the hope she would fix my sleep,
as I kept dreaming of my father.

01:00:18.232 --> 01:00:21.071
The woman told my mother...

01:00:21.657 --> 01:00:24.994
\"Take the boy to the cemetery
to light a candle for his father.

01:00:25.619 --> 01:00:26.619
That will cure him.\"

01:00:29.713 --> 01:00:33.626
So to the cemetery we went,
I lit a candle and talked to him,

01:00:33.792 --> 01:00:38.037
but it made it worse.
I still think about him.

01:00:38.621 --> 01:00:39.854
All the time.

01:00:40.882 --> 01:00:42.405
When I\'m hammering a nail,

01:00:43.420 --> 01:00:46.822
I can hear my father,
talking to me as if I were a child,

01:00:47.431 --> 01:00:52.689
\"Grab a hammer with a longer handle
or you\'ll smash your finger.\"

01:00:53.533 --> 01:00:57.669
You wouldn\'t believe how often
that happens. About plants, animals.

01:00:59.727 --> 01:01:02.516
Whatever I\'m doing, I...

01:01:03.137 --> 01:01:05.301
And I\'m not sick in the head or anything.

01:01:05.368 --> 01:01:07.270
It\'s the opposite, I\'m proud of it.

01:01:07.693 --> 01:01:09.408
I can be here having mate...

01:01:09.761 --> 01:01:11.446
and go, \"Dad...\"

01:01:12.625 --> 01:01:16.759
When I buy a lottery ticket,
I leave it here, you know?

01:01:17.649 --> 01:01:21.587
And I tell him,
\"I could use a hand, old man!\"

01:01:22.334 --> 01:01:24.084
I do it to tease him.
You know why?

01:01:24.151 --> 01:01:28.147
My dad always said,
\"Gambling won\'t get you anywhere.\"

01:01:33.952 --> 01:01:36.423
When he died at 48,
I thought he was an old man.

01:01:36.590 --> 01:01:38.112
I\'m currently 54.

01:01:38.935 --> 01:01:41.320
But he looked old to me.
He was a portly countryman.

01:01:41.387 --> 01:01:43.765
In his rural attire
he looked even bigger.

01:01:44.347 --> 01:01:45.347
And he had gray hair.

01:01:50.155 --> 01:01:53.792
Yet he was still young, man.

01:01:56.812 --> 01:01:59.005
My father was 48 when he passed, too.

01:02:00.794 --> 01:02:02.725
At 48, you\'re still young.

01:02:05.254 --> 01:02:07.254
Did you get to...
Can you remember him clearly?

01:02:08.169 --> 01:02:11.521
Yes, sort of, a few things.

01:02:11.588 --> 01:02:14.135
Three or four moments we shared.

01:02:15.098 --> 01:02:17.932
I used to live in Colonia
and he, in Montevideo.

01:02:17.999 --> 01:02:19.256
I would go visit him.

01:02:20.511 --> 01:02:23.630
But, by then, he was already sick.
Always lying in bed.

01:02:24.648 --> 01:02:27.657
Whenever he saw me,
he would hug me firmly...

01:02:27.724 --> 01:02:30.808
- He squeezed you tight?
- Yeah, and called me \"My dear son\".

01:02:30.924 --> 01:02:33.037
- That\'s unforgettable.
- Right.

01:02:33.104 --> 01:02:35.513
It\'s a physical sensation.

01:02:35.762 --> 01:02:36.762
Yeah.

01:02:37.834 --> 01:02:40.479
- What do your siblings have to say?
- I don\'t have any.

01:02:40.546 --> 01:02:42.151
- Don\'t you? Oh.
- No.

01:02:43.336 --> 01:02:45.694
- But you have your mom, don\'t you?
- Yeah.

01:02:45.862 --> 01:02:48.859
They had already split up, though.

01:02:51.182 --> 01:02:52.769
So...

01:02:56.973 --> 01:02:58.841
Anyway...

01:03:02.646 --> 01:03:04.440
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

01:03:05.457 --> 01:03:08.720
Although you were quite young, you...
Yeah.

01:03:09.599 --> 01:03:13.352
In 14 years, I was able to do
many things with my dad.

01:03:13.519 --> 01:03:14.756
Many, many things.

01:03:23.568 --> 01:03:26.008
That\'s a nice shrine.

01:03:27.293 --> 01:03:28.346
True.

01:04:49.532 --> 01:04:51.844
Are those his actual flippers?

01:04:51.911 --> 01:04:54.679
They are.
In fact, they even have some sand on.

01:04:54.746 --> 01:04:55.773
I see.

01:04:59.822 --> 01:05:01.441
This is in Piriápolis.

01:05:03.038 --> 01:05:06.606
We rented a place there,
with those kittens.

01:05:13.010 --> 01:05:16.759
- Solís, right? You were a little boy.
- Yeah.

01:05:18.501 --> 01:05:20.079
With Grandma.

01:05:20.146 --> 01:05:23.444
Yes. Juan José had moved
back to Montevideo by then.

01:05:23.511 --> 01:05:29.396
Right. It ranges from 1983... to 1988, \'89.

01:05:31.302 --> 01:05:33.542
That one with you as a baby
is from 1981.

01:05:33.609 --> 01:05:36.122
OK, that one\'s from 1981.

01:05:38.993 --> 01:05:42.085
Well, here are two...

01:05:42.961 --> 01:05:45.246
they\'re sort of letters, right?

01:05:45.439 --> 01:05:46.439
Yeah.

01:05:49.973 --> 01:05:51.834
Excuse me, I\'ll pour myself some water.

01:05:51.901 --> 01:05:52.901
OK.

01:05:53.859 --> 01:05:55.180
My mouth\'s dry.

01:06:03.656 --> 01:06:05.510
I had forgotten about it.

01:06:06.345 --> 01:06:09.261
- Right.
- It\'s good.

01:06:09.862 --> 01:06:12.981
\"I wrote you this letter
but won\'t show it to you

01:06:13.048 --> 01:06:17.004
until you can read it by yourself,
God\'s willing.

01:06:17.257 --> 01:06:19.368
Once you\'ve learned to read.

01:06:19.435 --> 01:06:24.305
Maybe a good while
after you\'ve learned to read.

01:06:24.914 --> 01:06:28.787
On that day, you can read and save it
if you want to and have liked it.

01:06:29.508 --> 01:06:31.072
I\'m using the same sheet of paper

01:06:31.139 --> 01:06:34.347
where you made me a beautiful drawing

01:06:34.414 --> 01:06:38.057
of a soccer match you played in Solís.\"

01:06:39.592 --> 01:06:40.884
You were a little kid.

01:06:41.549 --> 01:06:48.163
\"Dad loves that drawing you made for him
8 days ago, on February 15.

01:06:48.230 --> 01:06:50.386
You know I love you very much,

01:06:50.453 --> 01:06:53.729
so I\'m writing this on the side
you didn\'t draw on.

01:06:53.983 --> 01:06:56.828
This way, the sheet of paper
is both yours and mine.

01:06:57.480 --> 01:07:01.186
Ignacio, who loves me so much,
made me a drawing on one side,

01:07:01.779 --> 01:07:05.654
and, on the other, your loving Dad
is writing you a letter.

01:07:06.253 --> 01:07:09.551
You may say \'Dad\'s so silly.

01:07:09.618 --> 01:07:12.875
He wrote me such a long text
to tell me nothing new.\'

01:07:13.962 --> 01:07:16.430
If you pay attention to this letter

01:07:16.497 --> 01:07:20.963
and from time to time,
when you feel like it, re-read it,

01:07:21.463 --> 01:07:24.610
you\'ll realize that my letters
and your drawings

01:07:24.677 --> 01:07:27.463
and everything else
between Juan Ignacio and Dad

01:07:27.530 --> 01:07:29.949
is and will forever be new.

01:07:30.520 --> 01:07:31.846
Do you know why?

01:07:31.913 --> 01:07:35.536
You and I, little by little,
with the passing of time

01:07:35.603 --> 01:07:36.610
and the help of God,

01:07:36.677 --> 01:07:38.716
we\'ll slowly find out.

01:07:39.309 --> 01:07:41.775
A million kisses, Dad.\"

01:07:47.877 --> 01:07:49.343
What do you think about it?

01:07:50.598 --> 01:07:52.420
Notice anything strange?

01:07:53.178 --> 01:07:56.479
No, no, no.
Nothing strange. I find it...

01:07:57.451 --> 01:08:00.888
beautiful, and I really like
\"Everything between Ignacio and Dad

01:08:00.955 --> 01:08:03.808
is and will forever be new.\"

01:08:05.678 --> 01:08:10.008
I don\'t know,
it sounds prophetic, in a way.

01:08:19.764 --> 01:08:22.687
Wait... \"1988\".

01:08:26.490 --> 01:08:28.921
- You were seven.
- Yeah.

01:08:30.932 --> 01:08:34.270
But you didn\'t draw this
when you were seven!

01:08:34.792 --> 01:08:35.904
Why not?

01:08:38.736 --> 01:08:42.062
Let\'s not get caught up
in a bizarre argument.

01:08:43.063 --> 01:08:45.485
Or have a psychologist analyze it

01:08:45.552 --> 01:08:49.846
and decide if an 8, 7 or 6-year-old
can have drawn this.

01:08:49.913 --> 01:08:52.826
I think that\'s a drawing
by a preschooler.

01:08:52.893 --> 01:08:54.622
Clearly. I\'m no expert, but...

01:08:55.031 --> 01:08:57.113
If you ask me, Ignacio...

01:08:58.048 --> 01:09:01.133
- my first impression of the text...
- Yes?

01:09:04.895 --> 01:09:07.778
...is that I can detect a whiff of...

01:09:08.838 --> 01:09:12.157
of... of those things...

01:09:13.817 --> 01:09:18.850
that are not, let\'s say,
entirely in accordance with reality.

01:09:20.442 --> 01:09:23.909
Seeing a drawing that I believe
does not correspond

01:09:23.976 --> 01:09:26.962
to the age you had,
based on the date of the letter...

01:09:27.795 --> 01:09:31.433
That\'s why I got hang up on it
and insisted,

01:09:31.500 --> 01:09:34.781
but there\'s nothing to be gained.
It\'s irrelevant.

01:09:35.453 --> 01:09:38.590
Let\'s move on. It\'s a moot point.

01:09:39.845 --> 01:09:43.270
Especially for you.
I shouldn\'t be so critical.

01:09:44.855 --> 01:09:49.632
It\'s not even that,
it\'s clinical data, sort of.

01:09:57.455 --> 01:10:01.697
- I don\'t know, Mom...
- It\'s not... Strike that out.

01:10:01.764 --> 01:10:03.615
- Forget about it.
- Sometimes you go too far.

01:10:03.682 --> 01:10:07.226
I know, I cross the line sometimes.
Forget I said anything.

01:10:07.293 --> 01:10:09.783
- Please. Pretend I said nothing.
- I mean...

01:10:09.850 --> 01:10:11.535
It\'s just...

01:10:13.568 --> 01:10:18.094
You see everything
through the same lens

01:10:18.161 --> 01:10:21.741
- and it\'s not always the case.
- You\'re right.

01:10:28.752 --> 01:10:31.303
That letter is from 1988.

01:10:31.511 --> 01:10:34.114
What do you remember about him
around that time?

01:10:35.105 --> 01:10:38.369
He was living at home with us by then.

01:10:41.048 --> 01:10:42.339
And...

01:10:43.894 --> 01:10:45.865
and his quality of life was not good.

01:10:49.063 --> 01:10:50.517
I mean...

01:10:52.799 --> 01:10:57.259
He hardly ever left the house
and lied in bed most of the time.

01:10:58.028 --> 01:10:59.733
And he was smoking a lot.

01:11:00.374 --> 01:11:02.170
As far as I can recall.

01:11:03.487 --> 01:11:05.775
OK, I get that he mostly lied in bed.

01:11:05.942 --> 01:11:09.274
But I can\'t believe that\'s all he did.

01:11:09.341 --> 01:11:13.912
I mean,
didn\'t he read or watch TV in bed?

01:11:14.791 --> 01:11:17.819
No. He just stared
at the ceiling and smoked.

01:11:19.162 --> 01:11:22.296
And... he slept.

01:11:24.175 --> 01:11:25.175
OK.

01:11:28.894 --> 01:11:32.867
Besides, towards the end,

01:11:32.934 --> 01:11:36.026
he took refuge in medication, right?

01:11:37.288 --> 01:11:42.776
Taking his meds was a matter
of life or death to him.

01:11:43.594 --> 01:11:47.050
I don\'t even know how many types
of medication he was on!

01:11:47.117 --> 01:11:48.986
He used to take a bunch of pills.

01:11:49.702 --> 01:11:51.427
Did you mention it to him?

01:11:53.035 --> 01:11:56.363
Well... no.
No one would say anything about it.

01:11:57.888 --> 01:12:00.510
I guess no one would
bring up the subject because...

01:12:03.503 --> 01:12:05.625
because it was too painful.

01:12:11.959 --> 01:12:14.208
- Let me preface this for you.
- OK.

01:12:14.275 --> 01:12:17.845
It\'s always been said
that he was overmedicated.

01:12:17.912 --> 01:12:21.165
I\'ve tried to avoid talking about that
inasmuch as possible,

01:12:21.232 --> 01:12:25.793
because those details
that could somewhat...

01:12:27.469 --> 01:12:30.304
be embarrassing for him,
so to speak...

01:12:30.663 --> 01:12:33.940
Out of respect for his memory,
I\'ve tried not to go into them.

01:12:35.804 --> 01:12:39.779
He could hardly walk
because of the meds!

01:12:41.648 --> 01:12:44.875
There\'s the medication again...

01:12:44.942 --> 01:12:48.284
Of course!
The meds he was on were a problem.

01:12:48.351 --> 01:12:50.199
And so was Sedo-as!

01:12:50.266 --> 01:12:51.510
What was Sedo-as for?

01:12:51.577 --> 01:12:55.376
He took it along with his meds
to cheer himself up.

01:12:57.139 --> 01:12:58.911
Cheer himself up how?

01:12:58.978 --> 01:13:01.322
He claimed that it made him feel better.

01:13:02.078 --> 01:13:04.577
It\'s used to treat asthma.

01:13:04.644 --> 01:13:08.634
That\'s why it was said
that it could kill him.

01:13:09.020 --> 01:13:14.063
Too much asthma medicine
can damage your heart.

01:13:16.040 --> 01:13:17.557
And did it actually cheer him up?

01:13:18.044 --> 01:13:21.407
That\'s what he told us.
Don\'t forget that...

01:13:22.000 --> 01:13:24.818
Did it make depression go away?
Would he get out of bed?

01:13:24.885 --> 01:13:27.545
He felt more... He was merrier.

01:13:30.016 --> 01:13:33.939
\"It helps asthmatic people breathe,\"
he said.

01:13:34.006 --> 01:13:36.666
I mean, the anxiety...

01:13:36.916 --> 01:13:42.094
The lack of oxygen
distresses them, naturally.

01:13:42.386 --> 01:13:45.444
\"That sensation asthmatics get...

01:13:45.796 --> 01:13:50.195
It\'s similar to that,\" he said.

01:13:50.496 --> 01:13:52.995
\"It clears my head,\" he said.

01:13:53.682 --> 01:13:56.803
He claimed the meds
he was prescribed weren\'t enough.

01:13:57.041 --> 01:13:58.966
And his doctors knew about it.

01:13:59.380 --> 01:14:01.696
\"When will you stop taking it?\"
they said to him.

01:14:03.684 --> 01:14:04.684
However...

01:14:05.732 --> 01:14:07.666
Anyway, it\'s not like...

01:14:08.449 --> 01:14:10.418
I don\'t think that...

01:14:11.850 --> 01:14:13.525
it was a matter of...

01:14:14.999 --> 01:14:18.430
him taking so many pills at once

01:14:18.497 --> 01:14:20.934
that he had a heart attack.

01:14:25.012 --> 01:14:27.881
- Where did you find this?
- In the box.

01:14:27.948 --> 01:14:30.808
In the box? Oh, all right.

01:14:31.361 --> 01:14:33.243
If I had remembered...

01:14:33.830 --> 01:14:35.784
If you had brought up Sedo-as,

01:14:35.851 --> 01:14:38.279
of course I wouldn\'t
have denied it to you.

01:14:39.773 --> 01:14:41.573
But that\'s not how it happened.

01:14:41.787 --> 01:14:43.521
Sedo-as never came up.

01:14:44.485 --> 01:14:45.791
Because...

01:14:46.806 --> 01:14:51.434
well, because the questions you asked me
went in a different direction.

01:14:51.501 --> 01:14:53.509
It was embarrassing for me, too.

01:14:53.789 --> 01:14:57.301
It clearly was,
so I didn\'t dare ask you.

01:15:00.210 --> 01:15:01.210
Look...

01:15:02.207 --> 01:15:03.753
I\'ll tell you this.

01:15:07.085 --> 01:15:10.731
If God lets me live long enough
to watch the movie...

01:15:14.834 --> 01:15:16.082
that Ignacio is making...

01:15:18.696 --> 01:15:20.790
I\'ll thank God and say,

01:15:21.273 --> 01:15:24.476
\"You have been vindicated, Juan José.\"

01:15:28.078 --> 01:15:29.994
You\'ll get to watch it, Marina.
You will.

01:15:30.061 --> 01:15:34.641
Even if I don\'t,
I know he has been vindicated

01:15:34.708 --> 01:15:38.044
because God has graced me
with a nephew like you.

01:15:40.359 --> 01:15:44.263
I love you...
not only because you\'re his son,

01:15:44.330 --> 01:15:45.513
well, also because of that,

01:15:45.773 --> 01:15:48.174
but I love you
because you\'re so lovable...

01:15:49.665 --> 01:15:51.323
and I love you,

01:15:51.982 --> 01:15:54.242
doesn\'t matter
if you\'re my nephew or cousin,

01:15:54.309 --> 01:15:56.140
I love you for who you are.

01:15:56.207 --> 01:15:57.293
Also because of that.

01:15:57.606 --> 01:15:58.606
Of course...

01:15:59.648 --> 01:16:02.981
the fact that your my brother\'s son
comes into play, naturally.

01:16:04.054 --> 01:16:05.837
Thank you for sharing, Marina.

01:16:05.904 --> 01:16:08.336
For what you\'ve shared with me
over the years.

01:16:08.403 --> 01:16:10.942
It\'s because I feel
the way I do about you.

01:16:11.009 --> 01:16:13.448
- Thank you.
- I love you for being Ignacio.

01:16:13.825 --> 01:16:14.825
However...

01:16:16.552 --> 01:16:18.205
what did I feel for you first?

01:16:18.946 --> 01:16:21.310
You were an 8-year-old fatherless kid.

01:16:34.259 --> 01:16:37.432
Tell me a little about Sedo-as.
How did that start?

01:16:42.510 --> 01:16:45.977
Sedo-as is an...
I think it doesn\'t exist anymore.

01:16:46.044 --> 01:16:48.465
Maybe that\'s why it was
pulled from the market.

01:16:48.532 --> 01:16:51.077
Because it contains... ephedrine.

01:16:53.046 --> 01:16:56.035
And... it\'s an anti-asthmatic drug.

01:16:56.896 --> 01:16:59.354
Ephedrine in very small doses...

01:16:59.672 --> 01:17:02.704
And to produce the stimulating effect...

01:17:03.822 --> 01:17:06.054
I don\'t know for a fact

01:17:06.121 --> 01:17:08.930
whether he went from taking
two at a time to taking four.

01:17:09.369 --> 01:17:12.205
But I do know, because I witnessed it,

01:17:12.515 --> 01:17:14.286
that he increased his intake.

01:17:14.626 --> 01:17:16.916
And that...

01:17:17.138 --> 01:17:19.246
more or less matches...

01:17:23.226 --> 01:17:25.069
It was 1981.

01:17:27.127 --> 01:17:29.638
He... he made an attempt...

01:17:32.740 --> 01:17:35.991
at \"getting his life together,\"
so to speak.

01:17:36.497 --> 01:17:39.138
He said to me, \"I\'m going to become...

01:17:39.721 --> 01:17:42.498
I know I\'m going to be someone...

01:17:43.283 --> 01:17:46.178
who can keep a job, who can...

01:17:47.495 --> 01:17:50.695
mainly, someone who can be
a good father.\"

01:17:52.650 --> 01:17:54.708
That\'s when he started taking it.

01:17:56.520 --> 01:17:59.310
But, at the time, when he mentioned
he was doing Sedo-as,

01:17:59.377 --> 01:18:01.802
you didn\'t look at it in terms of

01:18:01.869 --> 01:18:06.448
\"He\'s going to be a better father,
husband and employee

01:18:06.515 --> 01:18:08.903
at the expense of doing coke.\"
You didn\'t see it that way.

01:18:08.970 --> 01:18:12.300
It was more like, \"He\'ll take this
among a bunch of other things.\"

01:18:12.706 --> 01:18:14.944
But he never mentioned it specifically.

01:18:15.011 --> 01:18:17.803
He never said, \"I\'m going
to start doing coke to be...\"

01:18:17.870 --> 01:18:20.960
No. Rather, he went,
\"I\'ve found something

01:18:21.027 --> 01:18:25.047
which will turn me into a better
father, employee and husband.\"

01:18:25.114 --> 01:18:27.978
But he didn\'t actually say

01:18:28.045 --> 01:18:31.502
\"What I\'ve found is a substance
that makes me feel better

01:18:31.569 --> 01:18:33.306
and stimulates me...\" No!

01:18:34.030 --> 01:18:37.378
How big a part do you think
Sedo-as played on his death?

01:18:44.169 --> 01:18:45.350
A pretty big one.

01:18:45.417 --> 01:18:48.029
I don\'t know if on his death per se...

01:18:50.136 --> 01:18:54.056
On one hand, yes, it did,
as we have already established...

01:18:54.790 --> 01:18:58.622
Symbolically, at least,
there\'s no room for doubt.

01:18:58.689 --> 01:19:02.127
Next to his body there was a bag

01:19:02.390 --> 01:19:08.248
filled with empty packets
of Sedo-as, Valium and anti-depressants.

01:19:08.315 --> 01:19:12.174
At first glance,
I saw countless packets of Sedo-as.

01:19:22.165 --> 01:19:24.064
I don\'t know.

01:19:24.342 --> 01:19:26.215
That sigh was meant to convey...

01:19:29.418 --> 01:19:33.375
how diffic... that this is hard for me.

01:19:33.442 --> 01:19:36.881
You keep asking and it\'s hard.

01:19:37.288 --> 01:19:39.850
So I remembered the dream I had.

01:19:42.197 --> 01:19:44.228
Because I sort of felt...

01:19:45.420 --> 01:19:50.839
On the two or three
\"interviews\" we had before this,

01:19:51.813 --> 01:19:53.479
when you ask me about it,

01:19:54.020 --> 01:19:58.462
I think that, somehow,
it\'s evident that...

01:20:01.126 --> 01:20:05.482
I\'ve come to think
so many years have passed that...

01:20:06.625 --> 01:20:09.895
I can\'t say I\'ve fully processed it,
but it\'s been a long time

01:20:09.962 --> 01:20:11.962
and it doesn\'t hurt anymore.

01:20:13.179 --> 01:20:18.935
But now, some of the pain is back.

01:20:19.459 --> 01:20:22.485
Right now.
Don\'t know how it happened.

01:20:22.552 --> 01:20:24.583
And I remembered about my dream.

01:20:25.834 --> 01:20:29.195
I wrote
\"Crying that sounds like howling.\"

01:20:29.262 --> 01:20:31.439
Don\'t know if I was the one crying.

01:20:32.319 --> 01:20:35.807
Someone tells me,
not sure who but I put \"Marina\",

01:20:36.826 --> 01:20:42.633
that Juan José is going to be
temporarily freed or discharged

01:20:42.800 --> 01:20:43.920
from the \"asylum\".

01:20:45.612 --> 01:20:49.073
Asylum, mental hospital, I don\'t know.

01:20:49.518 --> 01:20:55.666
Some friends want him to give a concert
where he plays his own music.

01:20:57.281 --> 01:21:02.497
I find this outrageous...

01:21:06.318 --> 01:21:08.294
Are they out of their minds?

01:21:09.610 --> 01:21:12.849
It\'s useless, it makes no sense
and it upsets me.

01:21:13.730 --> 01:21:16.074
Then, I wrote that, initially,

01:21:16.493 --> 01:21:20.494
I see Ignacio as a little boy
of about three years of age

01:21:20.918 --> 01:21:22.799
crying his lungs out.

01:21:23.132 --> 01:21:25.455
It\'s really gut-wrenching.

01:21:25.788 --> 01:21:27.515
\"He\'s scared.

01:21:27.795 --> 01:21:30.785
I run...\" The boy is scared.

01:21:31.570 --> 01:21:34.565
\"I run towards him to protect him.

01:21:36.337 --> 01:21:37.916
The boy\'s dirty.\"

01:21:38.107 --> 01:21:43.680
I don\'t what I meant by this,
whether he had soiled himself

01:21:43.747 --> 01:21:45.165
or it was something else.

01:21:45.641 --> 01:21:47.537
And I wrote this word:

01:21:48.095 --> 01:21:50.653
\"Pavura\", or extreme fear.

01:21:52.568 --> 01:21:54.726
That\'s what I felt.

01:21:56.657 --> 01:22:00.446
\"I get down to write one hour later,

01:22:01.252 --> 01:22:04.490
but a feeling of dread
weighs down on me.

01:22:06.314 --> 01:22:09.498
When I wake up,
I feel that, at last,

01:22:09.565 --> 01:22:12.794
the black box has been opened...

01:22:13.364 --> 01:22:14.885
A black box...

01:22:15.781 --> 01:22:18.150
that has blown up in my face.

01:22:19.309 --> 01:22:22.591
All the pain and the desire,

01:22:23.175 --> 01:22:27.102
my pain, and the desire of protecting
and taking care of that child

01:22:27.290 --> 01:22:29.100
is what prevailed.

01:22:29.566 --> 01:22:32.276
Anger and powerlessness.\"

01:22:34.454 --> 01:22:37.362
Who was that boy? It wasn\'t just you,

01:22:37.429 --> 01:22:39.596
maybe it was also...

01:22:40.758 --> 01:22:43.537
Juan José,
who behaved like a child.

01:22:44.740 --> 01:22:46.376
Myself. I don\'t know.

01:22:47.022 --> 01:22:51.412
It was a feeling of extreme
powerlessness and weakness.

01:23:50.933 --> 01:23:55.138
Hello. I\'m calling about the file
you requested to María del Carmen.

01:23:55.465 --> 01:23:57.679
We\'d like to inform you
the file has turned up.

01:23:57.746 --> 01:24:00.875
Stop by at your convenience.
Thank you.

01:24:25.299 --> 01:24:33.012
Panoramic shot of the spot
where the body was found

01:24:35.472 --> 01:24:39.605
Shot of the body\'s upper back

01:24:53.476 --> 01:24:57.619
BELONGINGS OF THE DECEASED

01:24:59.163 --> 01:25:02.567
a hand towel

01:25:03.733 --> 01:25:08.035
a pair of BULLIT light blue shorts

01:25:09.410 --> 01:25:12.539
1,180 pesos

01:25:13.910 --> 01:25:19.023
two (open) packets of RITZ cigarettes

01:25:20.202 --> 01:25:23.810
a plastic bag

01:25:26.243 --> 01:25:32.043
a blister pack of GLORIAX
containing eleven tablets

01:25:35.073 --> 01:25:41.271
fourteen tablets of SEDO-AS medication

01:25:48.380 --> 01:25:52.340
\"One Gloriax blister pack,
14 tablets of Sedo-as...\"

01:25:53.409 --> 01:25:55.260
- It\'s not that much, is it?
- No, no.

01:25:55.327 --> 01:25:57.722
So, this does not suggest

01:25:57.789 --> 01:26:01.681
that he took I don\'t know
how many pills... No.

01:26:01.748 --> 01:26:05.700
This confirms what I\'ve always said.

01:26:07.451 --> 01:26:09.966
He was found dead on the beach.

01:26:10.609 --> 01:26:14.577
In all likelihood, he died
of cardiovascular disease.

01:26:15.545 --> 01:26:20.929
It would\'ve been a sudden death,
if he had been at home.

01:26:20.996 --> 01:26:23.280
I know of people found dead
in the morning.

01:26:23.347 --> 01:26:25.329
They pass away in their sleep.

01:26:26.725 --> 01:26:29.267
So, reading this...

01:26:31.004 --> 01:26:35.518
confirms what has always
been my hypothesis.

01:26:35.585 --> 01:26:39.484
It\'s the same interpretation of the facts.

01:26:40.499 --> 01:26:45.679
But now there\'s an objective...
description.

01:26:58.849 --> 01:27:00.969
Then it was worth obtaining it.

01:27:01.825 --> 01:27:04.856
Yes... of course.

01:27:08.819 --> 01:27:13.410
As a kid, you couldn\'t remember
or be certain about anything, unlike me.

01:27:13.577 --> 01:27:17.762
You\'re in a radically
different situation from mine.

01:27:21.204 --> 01:27:23.529
I\'m inclined to think that...

01:27:25.030 --> 01:27:28.723
I don\'t know,
that\'s what I think now.

01:27:28.790 --> 01:27:31.842
He was searching for a place...

01:27:32.868 --> 01:27:35.868
Just like all of us
when we go to places dear to us.

01:27:38.754 --> 01:27:39.824
I don\'t know.

01:27:40.905 --> 01:27:44.733
- What do you mean?
- The beach was a place

01:27:44.800 --> 01:27:46.750
where he found comfort.

01:27:47.914 --> 01:27:50.266
He might have been seeking

01:27:50.658 --> 01:27:54.311
such comfort
because he wanted to die...

01:27:55.021 --> 01:27:58.188
or maybe he was
just sad and miserable

01:27:58.255 --> 01:28:02.433
and wanted to cheer himself up
in a place that did that for him.

01:28:10.495 --> 01:28:12.605
I\'m scared of...

01:28:15.827 --> 01:28:17.681
not portraying him accurately.

01:28:18.173 --> 01:28:22.750
Because now it\'s written in stone.

01:28:24.720 --> 01:28:28.955
I may be failing him or coming up short.

01:28:29.947 --> 01:28:34.595
That\'s what I\'m going through right now.

01:28:36.374 --> 01:28:39.968
You said you\'re scared
of not portraying him...?

01:28:44.497 --> 01:28:47.777
Of not doing him justice,
of misrepresenting him.

01:29:00.679 --> 01:29:05.042
I don\'t know, ask me something.
Get out of your head.

01:29:05.109 --> 01:29:08.542
Are you having second thoughts
about the whole process?

01:29:10.721 --> 01:29:13.642
This is what saddens me,
not the past.

01:29:21.835 --> 01:29:23.560
That music...

01:29:25.811 --> 01:29:27.111
What is it?

01:29:31.066 --> 01:29:32.530
I wasn\'t listening.

01:29:34.804 --> 01:29:36.926
- No, it\'s coming from outside.
- I know.

01:29:37.185 --> 01:29:38.185
What\'s that?

01:29:38.955 --> 01:29:40.048
I don\'t know.

01:29:49.980 --> 01:29:52.738
- It\'s the national anthem.
- No, it isn\'t.

01:29:53.402 --> 01:29:56.498
No... it\'s a waltz.

01:29:57.082 --> 01:29:58.672
- Strauss.
- Yes.

01:30:01.120 --> 01:30:02.590
Let\'s see if it\'s capturing it.

01:30:18.221 --> 01:30:19.378
I think it\'s over.

01:30:32.992 --> 01:30:34.035
Watch the camera.

01:30:48.127 --> 01:30:49.528
Nothing but traffic.

01:31:02.321 --> 01:31:04.441
The wind must have shifted direction.

01:31:17.184 --> 01:31:19.179
Oh, sorry, my bad.

01:31:46.466 --> 01:31:48.412
Listen to what I\'m trying to play.

01:31:49.667 --> 01:31:53.253
- Can you at least tell what it is?
- Of course!

01:31:57.968 --> 01:32:06.707
...the moon rolling down Callao street

01:32:07.783 --> 01:32:11.692
And a choir of astronauts

01:32:12.028 --> 01:32:14.938
Dance in circles around you

01:32:17.720 --> 01:32:18.720
Hold on.

01:32:19.616 --> 01:32:23.601
I know I\'m a nutcase,

01:32:23.807 --> 01:32:28.201
A nutcase, a nutcase

01:32:28.268 --> 01:32:32.876
I look down at Buenos Aires

01:32:32.943 --> 01:32:37.111
From a sparrow\'s nest

01:32:37.402 --> 01:32:40.633
And I spotted you looking so sad,

01:32:41.465 --> 01:32:43.215
Come on, let\'s dance

01:32:43.994 --> 01:32:46.534
This crazy obsession

01:32:46.703 --> 01:32:52.037
I have for you

01:34:05.956 --> 01:34:09.101
While you were singing,

01:34:09.168 --> 01:34:11.480
I had to bite my tongue not to say...

01:34:12.327 --> 01:34:15.181
\"My God,
you sound just like your father.\"

01:34:26.584 --> 01:34:32.219
PORTRAIT OF MY FATHER

01:34:35.985 --> 01:34:38.636
TO MY FATHER

01:34:39.003 --> 01:34:42.446
AND MY MOTHER