WEBVTT

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I feel that after 10 years, I am ready because I am tired.

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I’m tired of hiding, of living a lie.

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Wonderland Pictures Presenta

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You’ve taught me that being a son of a bitch like you

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is not who I want to be.

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I didn’t tell anyone.

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I was very ashamed.

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I really felt like garbage.

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Like a piece of worthless gum on the floor.

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I don’t know, I think that’s why my relationships have never worked out.

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Un Viaje en Taxi

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Ciudad de México

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When it comes to love, I haven’t had much luck.

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My longest relationship lasted eight months.

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He cheated on me and all so it was awful.

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I imagine that you have similar stories.

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I was in long-term relationships so they were more like…

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I don’t know, it’s different.

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I mean, I’ve also had romances that were fleeting, right?

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But without a doubt, it’s different with you.

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I hope so. I do…

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But why do you think you haven\'t had much luck?

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I think it has to do with my temper.

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I’m short-tempered. I like things my way.

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Anyway I’ve already told you that

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I like your eyes very much and your smile.

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You seem nice.

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You don’t seem like a bad person, honestly.

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I’m not bad. I’m short-tempered but I’m not a bad person.

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I want to be with you.

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I don’t know what’s going to happen

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but the truth is I don’t want to be a disappointment.

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You don’t want to be a disappointment and I know you won\'t be.

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That’s why I’m telling you to take things slow

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so that we can get to know each other.

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To figure out what it is about me that bothers you and vice versa.

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So you can see that I’m not like some men who are always nice.

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That’s right.

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They’re going to say that we are like brothers who dress alike.

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Do you want me to wear something else?

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Do you feel uncomfortable wearing the same outfit as me?

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I don’t know, I\'ve never done it. It feels weird.

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I’ll take it off then. Do you want me to change?

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I don’t know, if you prefer to.

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I’m asking you.

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Whatever.

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I can change and put this one on.

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I don’t know. What do you prefer?

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You decide, baby, I’m not the one feeling uncomfortable.

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There look.

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Four.

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Double.

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We just needed to turn it on.

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Yes because the peel is done already.

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But we don’t eat the peel.

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Well we’re just missing the thing that goes with…

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Hey…

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What?

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What do you think?

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Oh… So cute.

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Really?

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Very helpful.

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He looks different in the photos.

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Not really, he looks the same.

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He seems to get on very well with us.

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As if we have known each other for a long time.

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Yeah, he’s really sweet. That’s what I like most about him.

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When we started going out,

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I couldn’t believe that we had so much chemistry.

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Exactly and he’s the one that looks after you.

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Lots.

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He\'s really sweet. I’ll remember that he likes Selena Gomez.

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I can’t forgive him for that.

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I’ll consider that if he wants to join the family.

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I’m going to teach him about good music.

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It’s impossible. Once he was listening to my playlist

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and asked me, “Can I play some Lady Gaga?”

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What did your mum say?

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That she was anxious.

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I don’t have anything for your mum. Now I’m worried.

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My mum is going to say, “As long as you take care of my angel.”

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Did you prepare what to say to my mum when you first met her?

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No, I was really nervous.

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I have to confess something.

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When I arrived at your cafe,

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I didn’t see you there.

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I just saw whom I thought was your mum.

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So I walked past your place and called you to say that

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I’d missed it so that you would come outside.

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Great. So it has been lies, nothing but lies from the beginning.

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I know we have not been dating long but I really like him.

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Now this is the part where he gets awkward about it.

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But I wanted you to meet him because I like him a lot.

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And you know how long it has been since I met someone.

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Erick is really unique.

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He is very responsible and he’s a good person.

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His family is very sweet and they have good values.

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He is very educated and hardworking.

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He’s a fighter and he loves me.

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Well yes.

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I didn’t know you but I’d already started to like you.

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Because Rodolfo had told me about you and what you\'re like.

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And it was as if I already knew you.

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The main thing is that if my son accepts you,

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then he sees your qualities and who you are.

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So I’ve accepted you too.

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Thank you very much. How kind of you.

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Thanks for loving my son.

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Thank you very much. You are really very sweet.

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I\'m more relaxed and happier.

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Even more so now that I\'ve met you.

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I feel better now that I know he has someone.

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Thank you very much.

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Yes, we will do our best and I’ll take care of him.

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Thank you very much. And you take care of him as well.

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Of course.

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Listen to your mother and take care of me!

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And look, if he misbehaves…

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I will call you.

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I grant you permission to do whatever.

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Ok, yes, yes.

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Many people say that you have to be strong, because you are a man.

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You have to deal with it. You shouldn’t cry, you shouldn’t say anything.

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And when you do,

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when you show the defenseless side of you,

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or you show vulnerability, people don’t know what to do.

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Many take advantage of you, many get scared and say, “No, I can’t.”

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Erick is home, isn’t he?

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He went out with Rodolfo but he would rather not speak with us.

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Nothing at all.

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Well it\'s just the way he is.

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Sometimes you have to understand.

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Well yes but he gets home and that\'s it.

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We get back home and he goes to bed.

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Then he wakes up sleepy the next day and doesn’t talk either.

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And at night, they are tired and annoyed.

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You know how it is, very tiresome.

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Well I know Erick obviously doesn’t open up very much with you all

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and talk about his feelings or how he feels, right?

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But do you think that he has this attitude

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because perhaps there’s something missing for him

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or that he is not entirely happy?

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He has always been the same.

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I tried talking to him but…

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Yeah it’s hard when people have a strong personality.

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And even more so when it’s someone in your family right?

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I’ve stopped paying attention to him.

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We are working here all day, all day long we are like this.

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But it doesn\'t last.

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The money doesn\'t last.

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Think about it. We are here all day, every day

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just to get a little bit of cash.

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It’s better if we do something else and earn more.

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Well yes, I used to do better at the beauty salon.

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Now I don\'t have any money, nothing at all.

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Remember when I used to be able to celebrate your birthdays,

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Christmas and all.

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Now I can’t.

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We have to do something, sell something else or…

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I’m thinking of sandwiches.

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Well yes but we can\'t sell sandwiches all day long.

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Well no, it has to be early.

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We also can’t force people to buy four sandwiches each.

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No, but we get here too late.

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That would be because of you all.

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I’m up and get ready right away.

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No, not me.

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Saul then.

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I’m the first one up.

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Ready Rodri?

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Yes mum.

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How was your day?

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Good.

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Nice and Pollo?

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He stayed there a little longer.

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See you tomorrow.

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That’s a solid colour anyway, look.

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I’m not making you take it, right?

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Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

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Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

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My brother is a very, very complicated person.

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He has a fucking horrible personality.

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From what I remember, he was a normal child.

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He wanted to play and he used to love acting.

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We went out to play on the streets.

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We played video games like normal kids.

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But in recent years, our relationship has changed completely.

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As time went on, he became a very angry person.

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I feel that he bears a lot of resentment and hatred.

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In his head and in his body.

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I don’t know towards what or whom exactly

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but he manifests those feelings towards everyone.

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We tell him, let’s go eat and he goes away.

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He is not close to us, so I feel really bad.

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I pray a lot.

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I am taking courses to learn how to handle the situation.

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Because there are times when I want to just leave him there to work alone.

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But I can’t leave him alone because there is a lot of work.

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But yes, it can be really infuriating.

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The thing I remember the most is Erick and Saul fighting.

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Erick was so angry that while arguing

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that he went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and told him,

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“I’m going to kill you,” with tears in his eyes.

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I’m Erick, Ricardo. I’m your son.

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And I’m here to tell you everything I like about you

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but especially what I don’t like about you.

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I have anger, resentment, and a lot of hatred towards you.

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For what you have done to us.

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For turning your back when we needed you most.

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Because you see us as enemies and not as your children.

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You are always defensive, always angry.

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You always fight and we’re scared of talking to you.

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Scared to tell you anything or to approach you.

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I feel bad because you’re my father and you\'ve taught me many things.

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You’ve taught me that being a son of a bitch like you

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is not who I want to be.

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I am angry about how you treated my mum, that you hit her.

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That you hit her once in front of us, in front of me.

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I am angry that you kicked us out of your house.

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That you left us with nothing.

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It’s over.

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Okay.

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It’s intense, right?

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And can you forgive him?

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No, I can’t forgive you.

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Hello.

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Because of the way I am, I\'m very demanding of myself.

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Maybe I am too tough on myself sometimes.

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When my father judges my paintings, he is very harsh.

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Very harsh. He would tell me, \"I don’t like that.”

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I did not have a relationship with my father.

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We stopped living with him when I was eight years old.

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More recently, like five years ago,

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I saw him again after years of not having seen him.

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And now he judges my work, those that he likes.

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And that surprises me a lot, right?

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Well, on Thursday…

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Yeah, I am very excited.

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The expectation is high.

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I feel very supported by those who modelled for me, by all of you.

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Like I’ve told you before, I am flattered by you.

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And it is an honour to be a part of this.

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The fact that you chose me and gave me a voice.

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No one has posed for me in that way before.

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It was very brave, very brave that your body was exposed,

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because you had no clothes on.

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And it was very eloquent the way that you’ve decided to work your picture.

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Because you had our country’s flag in your hands which were tied up right?

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And although you can’t see it on the invitation, your eyes were blindfolded.

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Because this society is being abused.

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And I ask myself how many people aren\'t going through something similar?

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We all go through some form of abuse.

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I also experienced an abuse.

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But I was a child.

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And I also had the courage to talk about it,

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after a long time, after decades.

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Because when I reported it right before my father’s eyes and ears,

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what he did was hit me.

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He hit me because it was his brother.

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So he said that I was lying and

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I felt guilty for a long time, almost my entire life, because of what happened.

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And I have taken that with me.

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And it has been very liberating and healing

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to be able to express it through art.

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What is amazing about this event is that

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the people who posed for the collection are also here.

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So they can tell you the stories behind each piece.

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I have my own version and it\'s definitely one full of meanings.

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But there’s nothing like talking about the other side of the coin,

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with the person who is exposing himself on the canvas.

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So thank you very much to each one of you for coming

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and I hope that you enjoy this exhibition deeply.

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Michael, este es el modelo.

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Eres un hombre hermoso.

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Gracias.

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Eres un hombre hermoso. Es una pintura hermosa.

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Un poco aterrador en realidad.

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A person saw this and told me,

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“Did you know that this is the symbol of fulfilled sexuality?”

00:21:50.150 --> 00:21:56.850
So this is great because you keep finding more and more interpretations.

00:21:56.850 --> 00:21:58.870
Something that really scarred him,

00:21:58.870 --> 00:22:01.120
I imagine, and it has something to do with

00:22:01.120 --> 00:22:04.320
both his hands being tied and his eyes covered.

00:22:04.320 --> 00:22:07.450
I feel that he was trapped

00:22:07.450 --> 00:22:12.170
and he hasn’t been able to free himself 100 percent from it.

00:22:28.070 --> 00:22:29.250
It’s cool right?

00:22:29.250 --> 00:22:33.750
Very nice, very natural.

00:22:35.550 --> 00:22:40.700
I don’t know a lot about art and can\'t explain it but I like it.

00:22:40.700 --> 00:22:45.770
It\'s a creation of the artist.

00:23:29.500 --> 00:23:32.000
We’re really lazy today.

00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:33.800
Why?

00:23:33.800 --> 00:23:36.670
We barely speak.

00:23:40.050 --> 00:23:43.800
Other times we can’t stop.

00:23:46.050 --> 00:23:50.070
That’s what I was saying about resting too much.

00:24:19.420 --> 00:24:23.200
You’ve never told me.

00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:25.920
You’ve never told me how you feel around me.

00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:27.870
What you like about being with me.

00:24:27.870 --> 00:24:32.020
That’s why I’ll say it again.

00:24:33.020 --> 00:24:38.270
The most important thing, besides trust,

00:24:38.270 --> 00:24:44.300
is that we can always say anything to each other.

00:24:44.300 --> 00:24:47.020
That’s why I always ask you to tell me everything.

00:24:47.020 --> 00:24:51.370
And to never keep anything inside.

00:24:55.320 --> 00:25:00.120
You know that when I get angry at my mum or my siblings,

00:25:00.120 --> 00:25:01.650
I would rather keep quiet.

00:25:01.650 --> 00:25:05.620
I’m left with my anger and I think about stuff till it passes.

00:25:05.620 --> 00:25:08.770
But at that moment, I don’t want to talk, to hug anyone or to say anything

00:25:08.770 --> 00:25:10.770
because I’m too mad.

00:25:10.770 --> 00:25:17.820
And maybe it’s my way of getting through it.

00:25:17.820 --> 00:25:21.550
They are your family and there are some things that you don’t want to

00:25:21.550 --> 00:25:26.120
or that you don’t feel ready to tell them about.

00:25:26.120 --> 00:25:31.220
I feel that after 10 years, I\'m ready because I\'m tired.

00:25:31.220 --> 00:25:36.470
I am tired of hiding things, of living a lie.

00:25:51.420 --> 00:25:54.520
Give me, give me.

00:26:12.850 --> 00:26:15.550
Look, this is how it’s going to be.

00:26:15.550 --> 00:26:16.950
Who?

00:26:18.600 --> 00:26:23.100
On Saturday, we were at our cafe.

00:26:23.100 --> 00:26:24.970
We were closing up early.

00:26:24.970 --> 00:26:28.050
A guy arrived and said, “Good afternoon.”

00:26:28.050 --> 00:26:30.570
He came towards me from the door with his hoodie up like this

00:26:30.570 --> 00:26:32.350
and he took the gun out.

00:26:32.350 --> 00:26:35.320
And he came in and said, “You know what to do.

00:26:35.320 --> 00:26:37.520
Give me your mobile phones and money.

00:26:37.520 --> 00:26:40.600
I saw you earlier so I know what you have. Give me everything.\"

00:26:40.600 --> 00:26:42.850
So I stood up and gave mine to him right away,

00:26:42.850 --> 00:26:47.850
and went behind the counter because she was there alone and...

00:26:47.850 --> 00:26:49.320
The phone that you just bought?

00:26:49.320 --> 00:26:51.500
Yes, the day before.

00:26:51.500 --> 00:26:55.400
He saw that mum had a bracelet and said, \"Give me your bracelet.\"

00:26:55.400 --> 00:26:57.970
He took the bracelet and the money,

00:26:57.970 --> 00:27:02.220
went outside, shut the door and left us there.

00:27:02.220 --> 00:27:06.620
So I was going to chase after him but mum told me not to.

00:27:06.620 --> 00:27:07.750
No, it would be more risky.

00:27:07.750 --> 00:27:09.700
It’s just that… What if he shoots him?

00:27:09.700 --> 00:27:13.750
He had a gun like this and it was very thick… grey.

00:27:13.750 --> 00:27:19.620
I’ve also gone through bad stuff and people are evil, really.

00:27:19.620 --> 00:27:22.500
You can’t trust anyone easily.

00:27:35.820 --> 00:27:38.400
He said that he got up in the morning

00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:41.950
and went to the door to open it.

00:27:41.950 --> 00:27:44.220
So he looked out the window…

00:27:44.220 --> 00:27:45.350
David?

00:27:45.350 --> 00:27:47.970
Yeah, he saw that the car looked sunken.

00:27:47.970 --> 00:27:51.520
When he looked down, he realised that there were no tyres.

00:27:51.520 --> 00:27:53.700
There was a jack on one side and on the other,

00:27:53.700 --> 00:27:55.870
there was only a rock and there was even a...

00:27:55.870 --> 00:27:57.150
They left the jack there?

00:27:57.150 --> 00:27:59.900
Yeah, I mean, the one from the car.

00:27:59.900 --> 00:28:01.720
Oh what sons of bitches.

00:28:01.720 --> 00:28:02.970
Yeah, sons of bitches.

00:28:02.970 --> 00:28:04.850
They left it there on the ground.

00:28:04.850 --> 00:28:06.520
And how is David?

00:28:06.520 --> 00:28:10.700
In the afternoon he seemed weird, a bit sad…

00:28:10.700 --> 00:28:12.170
Worried, angry.

00:28:12.170 --> 00:28:14.520
Well yeah, he said that he doesn’t have any money

00:28:14.520 --> 00:28:17.570
and the car is not completely paid for.

00:28:17.570 --> 00:28:23.170
David for me is a father, my paternal figure.

00:28:23.170 --> 00:28:25.950
Because since we were little,

00:28:25.950 --> 00:28:29.220
he has always looked after us, always supported us.

00:28:29.220 --> 00:28:33.600
He has been more of a father than my biological one.

00:28:33.600 --> 00:28:35.700
Everything\'s very tense in my family.

00:28:35.700 --> 00:28:37.000
My mum is angry.

00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:38.850
I am mad and I fight with my mum.

00:28:38.850 --> 00:28:42.600
My brothers are worried.

00:28:42.600 --> 00:28:46.150
I think that so many complications happen for a reason.

00:28:46.150 --> 00:28:50.200
That maybe I don’t have to tell them or maybe I\'ve to wait longer.

00:28:50.200 --> 00:28:55.550
Or I need a better plan to do it.

00:29:07.720 --> 00:29:09.650
Oh no.

00:29:09.650 --> 00:29:12.100
He is doing a pinky promise.

00:29:13.750 --> 00:29:16.820
Wait, let’s take a photo of the pinky promise.

00:29:18.770 --> 00:29:20.320
Take it from there.

00:29:22.550 --> 00:29:26.720
I am skinny but… I run.

00:29:27.220 --> 00:29:30.170
Don’t move your legs.

00:29:38.670 --> 00:29:39.300
Come here duck.

00:29:39.300 --> 00:29:41.100
He is giving us a nasty look.

00:29:41.100 --> 00:29:42.300
Come here duck.

00:29:42.300 --> 00:29:46.450
Look, it is on that rock now.

00:29:46.450 --> 00:29:48.450
Right.

00:30:13.170 --> 00:30:14.700
I love you baby.

00:30:14.700 --> 00:30:17.670
Huh, what’s happening? Are they fighting?

00:30:21.070 --> 00:30:25.020
I told you to go home.

00:30:26.700 --> 00:30:29.850
Oh, well…

00:30:31.950 --> 00:30:36.220
Well I’ve wanted to tell you something for a long time now.

00:30:39.020 --> 00:30:43.750
I\'ve never liked my birthday because it falls on the October 27th

00:30:43.750 --> 00:30:44.970
around Halloween.

00:30:44.970 --> 00:30:48.750
So I have never liked people coming to my birthday

00:30:48.750 --> 00:30:52.050
dressed up as dead people right?

00:30:52.050 --> 00:30:55.320
I\'d parties at home where nobody came or they showed up in costumes.

00:30:55.320 --> 00:30:57.650
So I stopped doing parties.

00:30:57.650 --> 00:31:04.850
10 years ago, on my birthday, when I turned 17,

00:31:04.850 --> 00:31:06.500
I went to Zona Rosa.

00:31:06.500 --> 00:31:09.250
I went and told my friends that I was going to be in Zona Rosa.

00:31:09.250 --> 00:31:12.720
No one came obviously and I was there for a while.

00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:15.800
And afterwards, l took a taxi to return home

00:31:15.800 --> 00:31:18.470
around two in the morning, one in the morning.

00:31:18.470 --> 00:31:22.000
The taxi picked me up and we took off.

00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:28.050
He stopped at the first traffic light because somebody stopped the car.

00:31:28.050 --> 00:31:32.350
He said, “It’s my friend and I’m going to pick him up over there.”

00:31:32.350 --> 00:31:34.250
I said, “No but you’ve already stopped for me.

00:31:34.250 --> 00:31:36.820
If you were thinking of taking him, you shouldn\'t have taken me.

00:31:36.820 --> 00:31:41.100
No problem, let me get off here and I’ll take another taxi.\"

00:31:41.100 --> 00:31:46.050
So when I was trying to get out, the man was above me.

00:31:46.050 --> 00:31:48.850
He stood outside the door and wouldn’t let me out.

00:31:48.850 --> 00:31:51.070
And the driver did this.

00:31:51.070 --> 00:31:53.900
So he hit me in the face.

00:31:53.900 --> 00:31:57.470
I fell backwards because I was almost knocked out.

00:31:57.470 --> 00:31:59.350
I wasn’t expecting the blow.

00:31:59.350 --> 00:32:02.350
So the other man got into the taxi.

00:32:02.350 --> 00:32:03.770
He got in and the car took off.

00:32:03.770 --> 00:32:06.370
And they stopped further up for another person to get in.

00:32:06.370 --> 00:32:09.020
And they put a bag over my head.

00:32:11.100 --> 00:32:13.520
And I thought that they were going to assault me or something.

00:32:13.520 --> 00:32:15.750
So I said, “Well the thing is, I don’t have any money.

00:32:15.750 --> 00:32:21.400
I have my mobile phone and 300 pesos, that’s all I have.”

00:32:21.400 --> 00:32:24.670
He said, “No, we don’t want your money.”

00:32:26.970 --> 00:32:30.100
So they kept driving, and driving while they were hitting me.

00:32:30.100 --> 00:32:34.650
I was desperate and I didn’t know what to do.

00:32:34.650 --> 00:32:37.750
I don’t like my birthday also because it always rains.

00:32:37.750 --> 00:32:41.820
So what little that I managed to see through the bag

00:32:41.820 --> 00:32:45.720
was the glass and the little drops of rain.

00:32:45.720 --> 00:32:48.370
I saw the little drops and car lights.

00:32:48.370 --> 00:32:50.850
But I didn’t recognise where I was.

00:32:50.850 --> 00:32:53.100
So they kept driving and driving.

00:32:53.100 --> 00:32:55.870
After hitting me and saying a bunch of stuff for some time,

00:32:55.870 --> 00:33:00.100
they stopped the car along a street and took me to another car.

00:33:00.100 --> 00:33:04.350
They laid me down on the back seat.

00:33:04.350 --> 00:33:07.200
\"We know that you like men and now you’re going to get fucked.\"

00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:09.800
They took off my pants.

00:33:09.800 --> 00:33:12.950
They then tied up my hands and my feet

00:33:12.950 --> 00:33:15.400
and they raped me.

00:33:32.020 --> 00:33:35.170
They didn’t leave me and again and again,

00:33:35.170 --> 00:33:38.370
one after the other, after the other, after the other.

00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:49.620
In the end, I didn’t even feel anything.

00:33:49.620 --> 00:33:54.370
I was desperate and hurting.

00:33:54.370 --> 00:33:56.900
I remember just closing my eyes and saying to myself,

00:33:56.900 --> 00:34:01.100
“I want to die, I want to die, I don’t want to be here.”

00:34:05.700 --> 00:34:10.570
Until I think they got tired, I don’t know, and left me there.

00:34:10.570 --> 00:34:15.970
I got home and my mum was very angry because I wasn\'t home earlier.

00:34:15.970 --> 00:34:18.770
I didn’t tell her where I was and she had been calling me.

00:34:18.770 --> 00:34:20.750
So I did this, like in the movies.

00:34:20.750 --> 00:34:23.900
I locked myself in the bathroom and I got into the shower…

00:34:23.900 --> 00:34:26.550
Scrubbing myself and scrubbing myself.

00:34:26.550 --> 00:34:30.000
Because I could smell them, I felt, I don’t know…

00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:34.870
I think this is why I’m so particular with smells.

00:34:34.870 --> 00:34:37.220
And I’ve never said anything to anyone.

00:34:37.220 --> 00:34:42.050
I felt like I wasn’t worth anything, that I didn’t deserve anything.

00:34:42.050 --> 00:34:44.900
I felt responsible for many years.

00:34:44.900 --> 00:34:47.400
Because, maybe I had gone looking for it.

00:34:47.400 --> 00:34:53.100
It’s always been about hiding, lying, always like this.

00:34:53.100 --> 00:34:55.300
And with you I don’t want that to happen.

00:34:55.300 --> 00:34:58.500
Because I feel differently with you.

00:35:00.920 --> 00:35:03.270
Oh my love, it’s okay.

00:35:03.270 --> 00:35:07.200
After many years, I feel good.

00:35:13.500 --> 00:35:17.250
I feel happy with someone.

00:35:20.970 --> 00:35:25.720
I haven’t had sex with you because of this.

00:35:28.770 --> 00:35:32.400
I want you to know most of all that I’m here for you, Erick.

00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:36.320
I can’t even imagine it as it has never happened to me.

00:35:40.150 --> 00:35:45.970
To me, you are still the same person that I first met.

00:35:45.970 --> 00:35:53.170
And someone more valuable now because you had the courage to tell me.

00:35:53.170 --> 00:35:55.650
I’ve never asked or pushed you for sex.

00:35:55.650 --> 00:35:59.120
And I’m not thinking of doing that, Erick.

00:35:59.120 --> 00:36:02.700
This will be your decision and you will know when.

00:36:02.700 --> 00:36:07.100
The only thing I ask of you is that

00:36:07.100 --> 00:36:11.500
we never hide anything from each other, even if it hurts.

00:36:52.150 --> 00:36:56.920
There was darkness in my eyes

00:36:56.920 --> 00:37:01.050
and there was darkness in my mind.

00:37:01.050 --> 00:37:06.570
The only image I saw was of my mum crying.

00:37:08.650 --> 00:37:12.550
I was lost in my thoughts, lost in pain.

00:37:12.550 --> 00:37:18.720
I got disconnected and lost track of time, of the place,

00:37:18.720 --> 00:37:22.720
of the space, of myself.

00:37:45.150 --> 00:37:52.670
My mother is a very selfless person who is very dedicated to us.

00:37:52.670 --> 00:37:57.600
But I feel that she has devoted so much to us

00:37:57.600 --> 00:38:02.050
that she lost time for herself.

00:38:18.600 --> 00:38:23.270
Because she needed to be strong, she left her feelings behind.

00:38:23.270 --> 00:38:27.570
She has left herself behind.

00:38:29.070 --> 00:38:36.320
I would like to see her happy, see her with somebody, see her content.

00:38:55.720 --> 00:38:57.550
What?

00:39:03.670 --> 00:39:07.920
I remember that I liked a photo and his name was tagged.

00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:11.050
And I decided to check out who he was.

00:39:11.050 --> 00:39:13.950
I sent him a friend request and he replied.

00:39:13.950 --> 00:39:17.420
He speaks English so we barely understand each other.

00:39:17.420 --> 00:39:23.200
Somehow after a while, I understood that he was divorced.

00:39:23.200 --> 00:39:27.470
And he was born in 1980 I think.

00:39:27.470 --> 00:39:34.120
He works in the army, in the army of Pakistan.

00:39:34.120 --> 00:39:38.000
We have spent four years like this and it has stayed the same.

00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:42.350
We write each other every day.

00:39:43.670 --> 00:39:47.800
He says that he likes me and I tell him that I like him.

00:39:47.800 --> 00:39:50.870
But he is on the other side of the world and I am here.

00:39:50.870 --> 00:39:56.220
But he writes me and that’s enough for me.

00:39:57.770 --> 00:40:00.120
I’m happy now?

00:40:00.700 --> 00:40:08.020
I am very happy now that we can meet in person very soon.

00:40:11.970 --> 00:40:13.650
Karachi with a K.

00:40:13.650 --> 00:40:18.650
What is your relationship? Friend.

00:40:18.650 --> 00:40:20.400
Purpose of travel?

00:40:20.400 --> 00:40:27.800
Well… He’s just visiting Mexico.

00:40:27.800 --> 00:40:30.700
Where’s he staying?

00:40:30.700 --> 00:40:37.120
I don’t know, maybe here or at a hotel. I don’t really know.

00:40:37.120 --> 00:40:40.300
This guy has been telling her for years that he will come.

00:40:40.300 --> 00:40:45.420
Maybe it is an old lady behind a computer or a phone.

00:40:45.420 --> 00:40:48.250
And she is simply sending images of a young guy

00:40:48.250 --> 00:40:50.500
in order to keep chatting, I don’t know.

00:40:50.500 --> 00:40:53.320
I don’t know if he is real or not.

00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:56.800
But I don’t like it.

00:41:18.270 --> 00:41:19.770
It is very tight.

00:41:19.770 --> 00:41:22.720
Well not really, look.

00:41:22.720 --> 00:41:24.350
Pull your pants up.

00:41:24.350 --> 00:41:27.420
I have it all the way here. It’s like this.

00:41:27.420 --> 00:41:30.950
No, like this. Until we can see your balls.

00:41:34.350 --> 00:41:38.100
So I went to Ricardo to leave my bag and stuff.

00:41:38.100 --> 00:41:42.350
And then I told him, “I’m going to get the suit.\"

00:41:42.350 --> 00:41:43.650
So that he could give me the money.

00:41:43.650 --> 00:41:46.770
So he started telling me that it’s only when we need money.

00:41:46.770 --> 00:41:50.570
You know, same old same old, that only when we needed money.

00:41:50.570 --> 00:41:54.050
That there he was, stupidly giving us money.

00:41:54.050 --> 00:41:57.420
So I told him, “Pa, I am only asking you to lend it to me

00:41:57.420 --> 00:41:59.870
because mum isn’t around.”

00:41:59.870 --> 00:42:06.850
Then he replied and started to shout.

00:42:06.850 --> 00:42:10.720
He said, “You guys are always talking about me?”

00:42:10.720 --> 00:42:13.350
Because it’s hard for him to let go of money

00:42:13.350 --> 00:42:15.050
as if money is everything.

00:42:15.050 --> 00:42:17.320
It’s his responsibility but he doesn\'t see it this way.

00:42:17.320 --> 00:42:19.500
Did you not tell him that mum pays for your school?

00:42:19.500 --> 00:42:22.100
Well I was going to tell him but I didn’t get the chance.

00:42:22.100 --> 00:42:25.270
But don’t you think that he knows that?

00:42:25.270 --> 00:42:30.550
When I got divorced about 12 years ago,

00:42:30.550 --> 00:42:35.400
they were really young so it was really hard to take care of them.

00:42:35.400 --> 00:42:40.500
Homework, laundry, food, work.

00:42:40.500 --> 00:42:43.670
He didn’t support them.

00:43:05.500 --> 00:43:08.550
My father obviously won\'t lend me money.

00:43:08.550 --> 00:43:11.300
But let me see if I can get the money from somebody else.

00:43:11.300 --> 00:43:17.900
I\'m also worried that the doctor may leave town without me knowing.

00:43:17.900 --> 00:43:19.270
He is away sometimes.

00:43:19.270 --> 00:43:23.350
The thing is to make an appointment so that he can tell us when there is...

00:43:23.350 --> 00:43:25.720
A date.

00:43:25.720 --> 00:43:31.770
A piglet, because it has to be five days old.

00:43:31.770 --> 00:43:35.000
It is very small and he’ll show it to you.

00:43:35.000 --> 00:43:38.820
You only hear the squeal and that\'s it.

00:43:38.820 --> 00:43:43.450
They bring the gland out of a little box, still all bloody…

00:43:43.450 --> 00:43:46.350
They show it to you and he quickly implants it.

00:43:46.350 --> 00:43:52.800
He has put it in right away within five minutes of removing it from the piglet.

00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:55.000
So that it is still alive.

00:43:55.000 --> 00:44:01.370
From my experience, it has been very helpful for my thyroid.

00:44:01.370 --> 00:44:02.600
What did she say?

00:44:02.600 --> 00:44:04.970
It went up by 500 pesos so it’s 6,500.

00:44:04.970 --> 00:44:09.450
And when I want it, I can call her so that she can make the appointment…

00:44:09.450 --> 00:44:11.220
because they have to look for...

00:44:11.220 --> 00:44:13.470
The piglet.

00:44:13.470 --> 00:44:15.700
I say it’s time to go.

00:44:15.700 --> 00:44:19.500
Well yeah but we have to gather the money…

00:44:19.500 --> 00:44:23.370
and I have to pay for the credit card so I won\'t have the money.

00:44:23.370 --> 00:44:26.100
But this is urgent too.

00:44:36.300 --> 00:44:42.820
They raped me many times, one after the other.

00:44:42.820 --> 00:44:46.120
I really don’t remember if I ejaculated.

00:44:46.120 --> 00:44:50.100
I really don’t know if I did.

00:44:50.100 --> 00:44:52.570
If I did it for them.

00:44:52.570 --> 00:44:59.320
And if I did, I did it so that they could leave me alone.

00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:08.420
There are times that I don’t know...

00:45:08.420 --> 00:45:13.570
I am with somebody sexually and things come into my mind

00:45:13.570 --> 00:45:17.350
and I don’t feel good.

00:45:21.570 --> 00:45:24.470
I pretend. I pretend to enjoy and everything

00:45:24.470 --> 00:45:27.850
but other things are on my mind.

00:45:27.850 --> 00:45:34.150
In my head, there are some sensations, memories…

00:45:35.170 --> 00:45:40.420
I just can’t get any satisfaction.

00:45:40.420 --> 00:45:48.620
Sometimes after I finish, when the act is over,

00:45:50.950 --> 00:45:54.320
it’s like I feel guilty.

00:46:08.650 --> 00:46:11.400
Maribel told me she couldn’t see me today

00:46:11.400 --> 00:46:12.700
Oh no?

00:46:12.720 --> 00:46:17.250
Well yes, she is afraid because of what happened.

00:46:17.250 --> 00:46:18.020
Yes.

00:46:18.020 --> 00:46:20.150
I think she moved in with her mother-in-law.

00:46:20.150 --> 00:46:21.450
Oh my…

00:46:21.450 --> 00:46:24.350
The husband was kidnapped right?

00:46:24.350 --> 00:46:29.420
Yeah, he has to get over it. Can you imagine?

00:46:29.420 --> 00:46:31.750
It must be traumatising.

00:46:31.750 --> 00:46:41.770
If a hold-up is horrible, imagine that type of situation.

00:46:49.420 --> 00:46:53.500
Pa, how are you?

00:46:53.500 --> 00:46:57.920
Where is grandfather, pa?

00:46:57.920 --> 00:47:02.270
Did it get complicated?

00:47:02.270 --> 00:47:05.300
Is he very ill?

00:47:10.170 --> 00:47:13.370
Ok bye pa.

00:47:14.920 --> 00:47:16.820
He was crying.

00:47:16.820 --> 00:47:18.550
He’s not doing so well.

00:47:18.550 --> 00:47:24.070
I think his liver is having complications.

00:47:24.070 --> 00:47:26.870
It didn’t feel good.

00:47:26.870 --> 00:47:30.200
But I was glad to see him suffering.

00:47:30.200 --> 00:47:32.620
So when he told me about his father being sick

00:47:32.620 --> 00:47:36.070
and that his mum isn’t okay either,

00:47:36.070 --> 00:47:40.970
it was like, “That is going to happen to you.”

00:47:57.750 --> 00:47:59.770
What do you think about my grandfather?

00:47:59.770 --> 00:48:02.120
He\'s very skinny, very skinny.

00:48:02.120 --> 00:48:08.000
He was lying there and this part looked sunken.

00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:11.850
And this other part was protruding out.

00:48:11.850 --> 00:48:13.100
If you want to cry, cry.

00:48:13.100 --> 00:48:16.920
It\'s not good for you if you hadn’t cried enough earlier.

00:48:16.920 --> 00:48:23.800
Really, keeping things inside affects your health.

00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:25.720
It’s not good to keep it inside, sweety.

00:48:25.720 --> 00:48:33.470
Now that you’re saying this, I think I need to tell you something.

00:48:33.470 --> 00:48:38.650
Well, like what we talked about the last time...

00:48:38.650 --> 00:48:42.700
Well, after the rape, I became infected.

00:48:42.700 --> 00:48:46.750
Infected with HIV.

00:48:46.750 --> 00:48:49.350
And you have seen me taking pills.

00:48:49.350 --> 00:48:52.970
The ones that I said were for headaches or stomachaches

00:48:52.970 --> 00:48:58.570
are for my HIV treatment, which I\'ve been taking for four years.

00:49:00.400 --> 00:49:03.100
I’m on medication and I’m okay.

00:49:03.100 --> 00:49:09.270
Every six months, I go for checkups and everything is fine.

00:49:09.270 --> 00:49:11.070
And everything is okay but I don’t know…

00:49:11.070 --> 00:49:14.850
I was scared to tell you because I didn’t know how...

00:49:14.850 --> 00:49:17.020
To begin with, I didn’t know how to say it.

00:49:17.020 --> 00:49:20.870
How you would react and if you would support me.

00:49:21.800 --> 00:49:24.900
I found out a long time ago, Erick.

00:49:24.900 --> 00:49:33.850
When you told me about going to the doctor and about breathing problems.

00:49:33.850 --> 00:49:37.870
You know that? I knew it long ago.

00:49:37.870 --> 00:49:41.200
That day, when you went to the doctor,

00:49:41.200 --> 00:49:44.650
I checked your bag, Erick.

00:49:44.650 --> 00:49:49.720
I’m sorry but I was worried thinking about what you could have had.

00:49:49.720 --> 00:49:53.370
When I saw you taking your pills and how you were hiding them,

00:49:53.370 --> 00:49:59.370
I was worried that you had something serious.

00:50:00.170 --> 00:50:07.320
To be honest, I saw your papers, your notes and your medical reports.

00:50:07.320 --> 00:50:10.370
Everything that was there.

00:50:12.970 --> 00:50:17.300
We need to start talking about this sweety.

00:50:17.300 --> 00:50:20.120
If we’re going to be together forever,

00:50:20.120 --> 00:50:26.270
this is something that we both have to do.

00:50:26.270 --> 00:50:31.420
Yes, I told you that I go to the doctor and I’m okay.

00:50:31.420 --> 00:50:38.820
The viral load in my blood is undetectable.

00:50:38.820 --> 00:50:44.200
Yes sweety but if I get infected,

00:50:44.200 --> 00:50:46.500
and I don’t get a checkup,

00:50:46.500 --> 00:50:50.720
and I\'m not with you doing checkups and taking care of ourselves…

00:50:50.720 --> 00:50:55.420
If I get infected, I can reinfect you.

00:50:55.420 --> 00:50:59.850
That would be really bad for you, Erick.

00:50:59.850 --> 00:51:06.050
Am I clear? We have to do this together sweety.

00:51:07.700 --> 00:51:09.200
Yes, you’re right.

00:51:09.200 --> 00:51:10.600
Does your family know?

00:51:10.600 --> 00:51:13.020
No they don’t.

00:51:13.020 --> 00:51:18.550
Well my mum knows some stuff, but not all of it.

00:51:18.550 --> 00:51:20.920
But not my brothers.

00:51:20.920 --> 00:51:25.920
I found out the first month we met.

00:51:28.020 --> 00:51:33.270
And it didn’t change a thing.

00:51:33.270 --> 00:51:37.300
But I was worried that you wouldn’t tell me.

00:51:37.300 --> 00:51:41.400
Because as time passes by,

00:51:41.400 --> 00:51:47.620
it would break my heart if I had to tell you

00:51:47.620 --> 00:51:53.120
that I couldn’t be with you because you didn\'t trust me.

00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:20.020
He couldn’t talk to me and that made me really mad,

00:52:20.020 --> 00:52:27.320
that he knew about it, put on a show and didn’t say a thing.

00:52:29.800 --> 00:52:36.150
I stopped trusting him and all of that trust became rage, resentment.

00:52:36.150 --> 00:52:37.650
I think I’m responsible

00:52:37.650 --> 00:52:40.420
because I was hiding things before…

00:52:40.420 --> 00:52:44.300
Well starting a relationship and not revealing things since the beginning.

00:52:44.300 --> 00:52:46.300
At the end, I found out

00:52:46.300 --> 00:52:48.820
that he started checking my phone.

00:52:48.820 --> 00:52:50.250
So I was very angry.

00:52:50.250 --> 00:52:56.870
We fought and those things started hurting the relationship.

00:53:03.870 --> 00:53:09.870
Erick pronto comienza una nueva relación sentimental con alguien que conoció en línea

00:53:10.570 --> 00:53:14.250
Termina tres meses después

00:53:22.250 --> 00:53:27.650
He was preparing dinner and the Skype on his computer was ringing.

00:53:27.650 --> 00:53:32.150
So I opened it and it was this dude from Germany.

00:53:32.150 --> 00:53:36.370
So I read the past conversation and it was like,

00:53:36.370 --> 00:53:40.950
“I like you a lot. You are very sexy. I like your tattoos.”

00:53:40.950 --> 00:53:44.570
And there were nude pictures.

00:53:44.570 --> 00:53:48.770
“You are super hot. What a nice cock.”

00:53:50.120 --> 00:53:52.750
I mean if that happened at the beginning…

00:53:52.750 --> 00:53:57.150
You were reading the messages from this German guy or whatever…

00:53:57.150 --> 00:54:02.000
Why didn’t you just grab your things and leave?

00:54:02.000 --> 00:54:05.400
Why did you spend the night there?

00:54:05.400 --> 00:54:06.650
Well I was like, maybe…

00:54:06.650 --> 00:54:09.300
Maybe he will change, maybe he will change.

00:54:09.300 --> 00:54:12.970
That\'s a joke, a lie.

00:54:12.970 --> 00:54:15.400
I asked him at night if we were getting back together...

00:54:15.400 --> 00:54:18.650
You said that after reading all that?

00:54:18.650 --> 00:54:21.000
Why aren’t you confident about yourself?

00:54:21.000 --> 00:54:27.900
What’s the point of telling me he is going to change, time and time again?

00:54:27.900 --> 00:54:33.600
Yes, it was my mistake accepting it but when you love somebody...

00:54:33.600 --> 00:54:39.070
Why hold on to the idea of finding a brilliant partner

00:54:39.070 --> 00:54:42.950
and having a movie love story?

00:54:42.950 --> 00:54:45.120
I mean, no.

00:54:45.120 --> 00:54:47.600
If you are alone, you have to live your moment alone.

00:54:47.600 --> 00:54:54.050
Feel, enjoy, travel alone, read for yourself, eat for yourself.

00:54:54.050 --> 00:54:57.620
I mean, get to know new places by yourself.

00:54:57.620 --> 00:55:03.800
But I feel that you\'re scared of being alone, being by yourself.

00:55:03.800 --> 00:55:08.900
Because you don’t know how to be with yourself, to be alone.

00:55:21.700 --> 00:55:22.770
Look.

00:55:22.770 --> 00:55:23.220
What?

00:55:23.220 --> 00:55:26.500
A spider, a spider, a spider.

00:55:26.500 --> 00:55:28.320
A spider?

00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:32.770
A spider. Let me see.

00:55:34.320 --> 00:55:36.750
It\'s on your head.

00:55:36.750 --> 00:55:41.220
I have asked you to come because I need your attention.

00:55:41.220 --> 00:55:47.070
If we can put aside our phones and put them on silent mode.

00:55:47.070 --> 00:55:50.370
It all started very long ago,

00:55:50.370 --> 00:55:52.070
when it was about to be my birthday.

00:55:52.070 --> 00:55:55.350
It was Halloween and no one would show up at my party.

00:55:55.450 --> 00:55:59.370
So one day, I decided to go out for my party.

00:55:59.370 --> 00:56:05.000
I told my friends about going to a club in Zona Rosa

00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:08.950
and that whoever wanted to go, could go.

00:56:08.950 --> 00:56:14.700
No one showed up, just one person and then he left right away.

00:56:14.700 --> 00:56:17.850
Look we can’t even be serious.

00:56:51.100 --> 00:56:56.320
There were times when I thought that it would be better to kill myself.

00:56:56.320 --> 00:57:00.020
It’s awful and you feel worthless.

00:57:04.070 --> 00:57:06.400
I’ve been depressed for a very long time.

00:57:06.400 --> 00:57:10.850
And I believe that I experienced anorexia, bulimia.

00:57:10.850 --> 00:57:17.970
I have never wanted to go to the police, or to a psychologist

00:57:17.970 --> 00:57:25.300
because it’s something awful and shameful.

00:57:25.300 --> 00:57:26.900
And more so being a guy.

00:57:26.900 --> 00:57:29.520
I mean if girls are embarrassed,

00:57:29.520 --> 00:57:32.870
a guy is even more so because we’re supposed to be tough.

00:57:32.870 --> 00:57:38.120
We\'re supposed to be hard and be able to defend ourselves.

00:57:38.120 --> 00:57:41.250
They said that I would be in trouble

00:57:41.250 --> 00:57:46.270
because they had my papers, school ID and everything.

00:57:46.270 --> 00:57:50.220
They said that they knew where I lived and would locate my family.

00:57:50.220 --> 00:57:53.570
So I should never make a report.

00:57:53.570 --> 00:57:57.250
Going to the doctors, getting tested...

00:57:57.250 --> 00:58:00.300
And when the news hit you, it’s horrible.

00:58:00.300 --> 00:58:02.570
Because at first, you think that you’re going to die.

00:58:02.570 --> 00:58:04.850
What did the doctor say? What are the doctors saying?

00:58:04.850 --> 00:58:06.370
Nothing, I mean I’m fine.

00:58:06.370 --> 00:58:08.970
You can live a normal life with HIV.

00:58:08.970 --> 00:58:11.300
So if you don’t take your medicine,

00:58:11.300 --> 00:58:14.920
any illnesses, even diarrhea or flu can kill you.

00:58:14.920 --> 00:58:19.800
So I have to take pills every day to keep my immune system strong.

00:58:19.800 --> 00:58:25.570
I didn\'t want to say anything because I don’t want your pity or your worries.

00:58:25.570 --> 00:58:29.150
Mum knows something but she doesn\'t know how it happened.

00:58:29.150 --> 00:58:33.000
But she knew that I was infected when I was dating this guy.

00:58:33.000 --> 00:58:34.450
Now that mum knows, she’s like,

00:58:34.450 --> 00:58:38.020
“Take your pills. You need to eat. You need to sleep.”

00:58:38.020 --> 00:58:39.400
Just what I didn’t want happen.

00:58:39.400 --> 00:58:41.400
I know, I’m almost 30 already.

00:58:41.400 --> 00:58:43.800
I know how to take care of myself.

00:58:43.800 --> 00:58:46.020
And I told her that I didn’t want to tell her for this very reason.

00:58:46.020 --> 00:58:49.370
I’ve never said anything about the pills, don’t lie.

00:58:49.370 --> 00:58:50.700
It’s not like she wants to bother you.

00:58:50.700 --> 00:58:54.420
It’s because she loves you, needs you and wants to see you doing well.

00:58:54.420 --> 00:58:56.170
That’s what you’ve got to understand.

00:58:56.170 --> 00:58:58.400
Your head is full of bullshit now.

00:58:58.400 --> 00:59:01.220
Now that he is talking about his pills, for example…

00:59:01.220 --> 00:59:03.170
I’ve never mentioned his pills.

00:59:03.170 --> 00:59:09.400
It’s not true. He’s crazy and defensive.

00:59:09.400 --> 00:59:14.220
For example, right now, he hasn’t eaten anything

00:59:14.220 --> 00:59:16.720
and that’s not okay but he doesn’t take care of himself.

00:59:16.720 --> 00:59:21.850
You’re the one who feels that way and we can’t see it, Erick.

00:59:21.850 --> 00:59:25.920
It’s not like we view you as an ill person, come on…

00:59:25.920 --> 00:59:28.100
Believe me, it’s even less…

00:59:28.100 --> 00:59:32.820
Today, I understand a fucking lot about you, Erick.

00:59:38.750 --> 00:59:40.720
Accept yourself.

00:59:40.720 --> 00:59:44.250
Don’t wait for anyone to accept you.

00:59:44.250 --> 00:59:51.150
I used to think like that when my uncle did the same thing.

00:59:51.150 --> 00:59:56.700
I used to feel awful thinking I was the only one going through that.

00:59:56.700 --> 01:00:01.650
That’s why I understand that you can’t let go of something horrible like that.

01:00:01.650 --> 01:00:05.770
And the fact that my father didn’t believe me,

01:00:05.770 --> 01:00:08.770
I felt horrible as well.

01:00:08.770 --> 01:00:10.050
Thinking that no one would accept me.

01:00:10.050 --> 01:00:13.050
that’s why I have never told anyone.

01:00:13.050 --> 01:00:15.850
I thought that my friends would laugh.

01:00:15.850 --> 01:00:21.550
Or that people wouldn’t want to be around me if they knew.

01:00:21.550 --> 01:00:26.720
No one in my family knows apart from my mum and my grandparents.

01:00:26.720 --> 01:00:29.970
I feel awful sometimes because my dad’s brother

01:00:29.970 --> 01:00:37.320
is around his nieces and I feel bad because I think,

01:00:37.320 --> 01:00:41.650
“What if he has done something to them. What if I had said something?

01:00:41.650 --> 01:00:46.220
Maybe he has already done something to them and it\'s my fault.\"

01:00:46.220 --> 01:00:49.470
It’s horrible and I feel tormented sometimes.

01:00:49.470 --> 01:00:53.070
When I see them, I think, “When I was their age, he did that to me.”

01:00:53.070 --> 01:00:54.470
I see Jenny and I’m scared

01:00:54.470 --> 01:00:57.770
whenever she’s with her dad because I think,

01:00:57.770 --> 01:01:04.950
“If I’m not there and his uncle does something to her…”

01:01:04.950 --> 01:01:08.250
It scares me all the time.

01:01:08.250 --> 01:01:15.320
But I’ve learned that you can’t keep torturing yourself everyday.

01:01:15.320 --> 01:01:17.620
Or feel guilty, or feel like you are the only one.

01:01:17.620 --> 01:01:20.800
Well you shouldn’t feel judged

01:01:20.800 --> 01:01:23.450
because we’re going to love you no matter what.

01:01:23.450 --> 01:01:27.750
I don’t get scared because of that and I’ll always love you.

01:01:27.750 --> 01:01:30.650
For me this doesn’t mean…

01:01:30.650 --> 01:01:35.700
Exactly and it wasn’t our fault. It wasn\'t our fault.

01:01:35.700 --> 01:01:40.500
What happened to you wasn’t because you’re gay. It wasn\'t that.

01:01:40.500 --> 01:01:42.700
It happened because you’re a faggot.

01:01:42.700 --> 01:01:43.970
No.

01:01:43.970 --> 01:01:47.500
It wasn’t your choice.

01:01:47.500 --> 01:01:50.870
People come this way, genetically speaking.

01:01:50.870 --> 01:01:57.800
I’ve heard you’ve got an extra female gene and that’s not wrong.

01:01:57.800 --> 01:01:59.600
It’s nature.

01:01:59.600 --> 01:02:04.470
Accept yourself and if you\'re okay then nothing matters.

01:02:04.470 --> 01:02:09.350
I remember that you’ve always been like this since you were Ken\'s age.

01:02:09.350 --> 01:02:12.200
You were already different.

01:02:12.200 --> 01:02:13.370
Poor kid.

01:02:13.370 --> 01:02:15.250
You already had that delicacy.

01:02:15.250 --> 01:02:18.200
I remember that a lot because pa used to tell you,

01:02:18.200 --> 01:02:21.350
“Walk straight, speak well” and stuff like that.

01:02:21.350 --> 01:02:23.270
That I should play soccer.

01:02:23.270 --> 01:02:26.100
Yeah, things you didn’t like.

01:02:26.100 --> 01:02:31.670
And he was like, “Why? He’s more fancy than us.”

01:02:31.670 --> 01:02:32.600
What did he tell you?

01:02:32.600 --> 01:02:34.050
Fucking kid.

01:02:34.050 --> 01:02:36.170
You already had it, you were like that.

01:02:36.170 --> 01:02:39.770
I clearly remember when we still lived in Tecamac,

01:02:39.770 --> 01:02:42.600
that I came home from school and you were watching a movie,

01:02:42.600 --> 01:02:45.250
“The Spiderwick Chronicles.”

01:02:45.250 --> 01:02:47.650
And you asked me to watch it with you.

01:02:47.650 --> 01:02:54.120
It was the only time that we sat and watched a movie together.

01:02:54.120 --> 01:02:57.020
Whose fault is it if you’re going to limit your life

01:02:57.020 --> 01:02:59.550
and stop showing affection towards your family

01:02:59.550 --> 01:03:02.550
or look for love in other ways and not from your family?

01:03:02.550 --> 01:03:07.020
Like with a partner or whatever. You take refuge in that.

01:03:07.020 --> 01:03:11.570
You’ve been through a hundred guys.

01:03:11.570 --> 01:03:15.220
And tell me, which one is here? Which one is worried about you?

01:03:15.220 --> 01:03:18.000
Rodolfo is the only one, Erick.

01:03:18.000 --> 01:03:22.920
It’s not fair for the guy because he cares a lot about you, Erick.

01:03:22.920 --> 01:03:25.070
He’s always, always, always, there for you.

01:03:25.070 --> 01:03:28.670
You\'ve to value him.

01:03:28.670 --> 01:03:33.150
Don’t look for someone to love. Look for someone who loves you.

01:04:13.370 --> 01:04:16.170
I don’t know, it’s something…

01:04:16.170 --> 01:04:20.270
I mean what you said the other day, it’s something like…

01:04:20.270 --> 01:04:25.400
So I want to… I want to apologise for all of those times

01:04:25.400 --> 01:04:28.600
that I judged you without knowing what was going on, right?

01:04:28.600 --> 01:04:31.900
You are our brother and that’s what matters, right?

01:04:31.900 --> 01:04:36.120
We are always going to be here, in good times and bad times,

01:04:36.120 --> 01:04:38.320
supporting you right here.

01:04:38.320 --> 01:04:41.350
And that’s something I want you to know.

01:04:41.350 --> 01:04:46.750
If you need any of us, I don’t know, a piece of advice?

01:04:46.750 --> 01:04:50.950
As dumb as we may be, you should still ask.

01:04:50.950 --> 01:04:54.020
Even if you want, I don’t know, a moment with us

01:04:54.020 --> 01:04:59.000
or go watch a movie together, to be like a family,

01:04:59.000 --> 01:05:01.050
you can do that, no problem.

01:05:01.050 --> 01:05:06.150
And again, I want to apologise for all those times when I was rude to you.

01:05:06.150 --> 01:05:11.100
Yeah no…. You don’t have to apologise

01:05:11.100 --> 01:05:13.770
because you didn’t know what I was going through.

01:05:13.770 --> 01:05:18.400
Not Saul, not David, not mum. But I appreciate it.

01:05:19.970 --> 01:05:22.800
Don’t worry about it. And the same goes for you.

01:05:22.800 --> 01:05:26.370
When you need anything, to talk about something, you can count on me.

01:05:26.370 --> 01:05:29.870
I don’t express myself much with you all

01:05:29.870 --> 01:05:33.450
because that’s not me but here I am.

01:05:33.450 --> 01:05:36.700
You know I love you even though we fight and get mad at each other.

01:05:36.700 --> 01:05:38.050
I am here for you.

01:05:38.050 --> 01:05:41.200
It has been too long since I have given you a hug. Can I do it now?

01:05:41.200 --> 01:05:43.800
Yes, of course.

01:05:49.450 --> 01:05:52.100
I love you, fucker.

01:05:56.600 --> 01:05:58.920
It’s blood and blood hurts.

01:05:58.920 --> 01:06:04.400
You fucking love me, or “I love you fucker?”

01:06:04.400 --> 01:06:07.150
You don’t imagine something like that

01:06:07.150 --> 01:06:10.020
happening to somebody in your family.

01:06:10.020 --> 01:06:17.170
It\'s hard to understand how a man can be raped, right?

01:06:18.470 --> 01:06:21.150
Don\'t cry.

01:06:29.350 --> 01:06:30.270
It’s Jenny’s turn.

01:06:30.270 --> 01:06:32.770
It’s my turn.

01:06:34.250 --> 01:06:36.370
I did it, I did it, I did it.

01:06:36.370 --> 01:06:42.200
I feel powerless because I don’t know who’s guilty.

01:06:42.200 --> 01:06:44.720
It is something that is part of society

01:06:44.720 --> 01:06:48.970
but there is no fucking support, nothing.

01:06:48.970 --> 01:06:51.050
I can’t believe that the two families here

01:06:51.050 --> 01:06:54.850
have lived through the same situation.

01:06:56.600 --> 01:07:00.070
In the case of my wife, \"Why didn’t your father believe you?

01:07:00.070 --> 01:07:03.270
Why didn’t your father do anything?

01:07:03.270 --> 01:07:08.320
I mean, what did he think? That you were playing? That you made it up?\"

01:07:08.320 --> 01:07:11.020
No, we can’t leave it like this.

01:07:11.020 --> 01:07:16.300
I was very young. I think I was around 11.

01:07:16.300 --> 01:07:18.520
So I was very young but I did tell my mum.

01:07:18.520 --> 01:07:21.170
Now that I have my children and realise that

01:07:21.170 --> 01:07:25.150
not only women are at risk, but men as well.

01:07:25.150 --> 01:07:28.950
It is stressful because I think, no…

01:07:28.950 --> 01:07:32.570
How do I take care of them? How do I avoid anything?

01:07:32.570 --> 01:07:38.100
Maybe Erick was with strangers but with me, it was a family member.

01:07:38.100 --> 01:07:42.020
So who do you trust?

01:07:42.020 --> 01:07:45.250
Not anymore, you can’t.

01:07:45.250 --> 01:07:49.220
It’s something that\'s on my mind always.

01:07:52.100 --> 01:07:58.420
I failed and it was my fault because I let him go out, for example.

01:07:58.420 --> 01:08:05.350
And because he did not feel confident enough to tell me.

01:08:05.350 --> 01:08:09.600
Even though I was hurting, at the same time,

01:08:09.600 --> 01:08:18.020
I felt liberated because I know what he was going through.

01:08:18.020 --> 01:08:22.670
Because that was something that I was carrying as well.

01:08:22.670 --> 01:08:27.220
The worry, asking what’s wrong and why he is this way.

01:08:27.220 --> 01:08:32.150
How I have failed him. What we should do.

01:08:32.150 --> 01:08:37.420
I carry a lot of anger towards his father.

01:08:37.420 --> 01:08:41.850
I’m just saying that you always get what you deserve.

01:08:41.850 --> 01:08:45.000
You reap what you sow.

01:08:47.800 --> 01:08:51.900
It’s your family, you are up.

01:08:51.900 --> 01:08:53.450
About what?

01:08:55.670 --> 01:08:58.200
Have you told them already?

01:09:00.100 --> 01:09:04.750
I won’t take care of your little one ok?

01:09:04.750 --> 01:09:10.970
Hello. My sister-in-law is pregnant, yes.

01:09:12.270 --> 01:09:20.600
These are the mornings that King David sang about.

01:09:20.600 --> 01:09:27.800
Because it’s your saint’s day today, we’re here to sing to you.

01:09:38.250 --> 01:09:42.900
I want to wish you a wonderful day and a happy birthday.

01:09:44.070 --> 01:09:50.700
May God fill you with blessings and grant you health. I love you.

01:09:50.700 --> 01:09:55.450
I love you son and I\'m very proud of everything that you\'ve accomplished.

01:09:55.450 --> 01:09:58.920
And I wish you more success ahead. I love you son. Kisses.

01:09:59.620 --> 01:10:00.370
Fucker.

01:10:00.370 --> 01:10:02.650
Say it like this, fucker.

01:10:02.650 --> 01:10:04.920
Fucker.

01:10:11.150 --> 01:10:20.020
Marvellous things, marvellous things, marvellous things.

01:10:20.560 --> 01:10:25.000
Dos años después

01:10:41.250 --> 01:10:45.250
Screening of \"One Taxi Ride\". Register here.

01:11:14.830 --> 01:11:19.880
Well now I’m going to open up the floor

01:11:19.880 --> 01:11:24.900
for any questions, thoughts or comments.

01:11:24.900 --> 01:11:29.980
Hello, good night. My name is Darma.

01:11:31.030 --> 01:11:35.200
I am very infuriated by this.

01:11:35.200 --> 01:11:37.600
There are two feelings that I feel…

01:11:37.600 --> 01:11:39.930
fear and guilt.

01:11:39.930 --> 01:11:47.600
My question is, are the guilt and fear still there?

01:11:57.900 --> 01:11:59.280
Hello, goodnight.

01:11:59.280 --> 01:12:02.250
First of all, I want to thank you for being here

01:12:02.250 --> 01:12:04.730
and for taking the time to come.

01:12:04.730 --> 01:12:07.880
It is still there and I think that it’ll always be

01:12:07.880 --> 01:12:10.630
because it was something very harsh that left a mark on me.

01:12:10.630 --> 01:12:15.580
It\'s changing me and it’s going to be with me my entire life.

01:12:15.580 --> 01:12:21.200
It doesn’t mean that it can’t happen to us just because we’re not gay right?

01:12:21.200 --> 01:12:25.200
And just because it happened to my brother

01:12:25.200 --> 01:12:27.750
doesn’t mean that it can’t happen to me.

01:12:27.750 --> 01:12:32.650
Let’s hope that it doesn’t but it can happen to anyone here.

01:12:32.650 --> 01:12:36.180
I am also a rape survivor.

01:12:36.180 --> 01:12:39.650
And I\'m truly grateful for the silence to be broken.

01:12:39.650 --> 01:12:43.900
Seeing the whole family here supporting you is very important to me.

01:12:44.900 --> 01:12:53.100
The same thing happened to me because I\'m gay or lesbian or whatever.

01:12:53.100 --> 01:12:57.380
A few months ago, a neighbour tried to kiss me.

01:12:57.380 --> 01:13:00.550
I was really upset and didn’t know what to do.

01:13:00.550 --> 01:13:05.400
I told my mum and my brother who is two years older than me.

01:13:05.400 --> 01:13:10.230
They trivialised what I have gone through.

01:13:10.230 --> 01:13:16.950
\"Nothing happened right? What did he do? He only wanted to kiss you.\"

01:13:16.950 --> 01:13:21.400
So the fact that there wasn’t a support system at that moment

01:13:21.400 --> 01:13:26.050
for you to let it out and be able to receive support

01:13:26.050 --> 01:13:29.700
is also a way how the society becomes an accomplice.

01:13:29.700 --> 01:13:34.800
How can you take care of yourself when you are 17, right?

01:13:34.800 --> 01:13:38.380
When I was 15 years old, I had a relationship with a man that was 31.

01:13:38.380 --> 01:13:43.150
And I didn’t think that it was a situation of abuse until I was around 30.

01:13:43.150 --> 01:13:48.380
I also know someone who went through that and completely ignores it.

01:13:48.380 --> 01:13:52.900
Unfortunately, we live in a country where there is a lot of ignorance.

01:13:52.900 --> 01:13:56.280
We are unfamiliar with the issue of HIV, myself included.

01:13:56.280 --> 01:13:59.880
I did not know that you can live with it.

01:13:59.880 --> 01:14:06.980
I identify with you because I was also abused by my cousin.

01:14:06.980 --> 01:14:11.380
In my case, unfortunately, there was no support.

01:14:11.380 --> 01:14:16.250
And when my mum found us, she hit me.

01:14:16.250 --> 01:14:23.280
So how do you deal with this situation? Especially being a woman?

01:14:23.600 --> 01:14:30.030
Now we are dealing with an abuse case involving a guy who is deaf.

01:14:30.830 --> 01:14:35.330
I mean he brought up a big problem for us.

01:14:35.330 --> 01:14:38.830
Because we can talk, there is a way to talk about it.

01:14:38.830 --> 01:14:39.500
Right.

01:14:39.500 --> 01:14:43.700
But what if somebody can’t?

01:14:43.700 --> 01:14:46.630
That was so brave. You\'re going to be the voice of many.

01:14:46.630 --> 01:14:48.130
Yes, thank you very much.

01:14:48.130 --> 01:14:50.250
Thank you. It’s a pleasure. I wish you well.

01:14:50.250 --> 01:14:51.300
We will keep in touch.

01:14:51.300 --> 01:14:51.980
Of course.

01:14:51.980 --> 01:14:52.750
You are very pretty.

01:14:52.750 --> 01:14:55.250
You are very young too. Take good care.

01:14:55.250 --> 01:14:56.430
We need to talk.

01:14:56.430 --> 01:14:59.050
This can’t be hidden anymore.

01:14:59.050 --> 01:15:01.750
A lot of shit is happening.

01:15:01.750 --> 01:15:05.280
And we can’t be separated so thank you so much really.

01:15:05.280 --> 01:15:11.480
You\'re setting an example of what it\'s like to be a mum in this case right?

01:15:11.480 --> 01:15:14.950
And giving your support which is very important.

01:15:14.950 --> 01:15:16.500
So I appreciate it a lot.

01:15:16.500 --> 01:15:18.950
Hello, I wanted to ask you something…

01:15:18.950 --> 01:15:19.280
Tell me.

01:15:19.280 --> 01:15:21.930
And I couldn’t because my family was here.

01:15:21.930 --> 01:15:25.300
I went through something similar and I wanted to know...

01:15:25.300 --> 01:15:27.550
You can do it.

01:15:27.550 --> 01:15:33.400
How do you deal with all of the people after so long?

01:15:33.400 --> 01:15:39.500
Oh come here. It’s very hard, very hard.

01:15:39.930 --> 01:15:43.880
I am about to come out to my family

01:15:43.880 --> 01:15:48.130
and I didn’t want to speak about this, right?

01:15:48.130 --> 01:15:51.830
But I think so...

01:15:57.580 --> 01:16:02.230
What’s wrong dear? What is it?

01:16:02.230 --> 01:16:06.750
Well nothing, I saw a lot of things right?

01:16:07.200 --> 01:16:09.150
You said it was 10 years.

01:16:09.150 --> 01:16:11.150
I’ve been trying to find a way for 20 years

01:16:11.150 --> 01:16:13.750
to talk about it

01:16:18.030 --> 01:16:21.800
because I am a trans man.

01:16:21.800 --> 01:16:28.200
So it\'s really hard and I decided that I\'m talking to them this year.

01:16:29.350 --> 01:16:33.530
Seeing all the support that you have helps me open up a little bit more.

01:16:33.530 --> 01:16:34.480
Of course.

01:16:34.480 --> 01:16:42.180
Actually, I was raped as well and it happened multiple times

01:16:42.180 --> 01:16:47.350
by several people and not just by one person.

01:16:48.730 --> 01:16:53.430
I feel very proud of him and we want to help people.

01:16:53.430 --> 01:16:56.480
I think that is what I am interested in now,

01:16:56.480 --> 01:17:01.780
that boys and girls talk to their mum.

01:17:01.780 --> 01:17:07.250
If you don’t have anyone at all, you have me.

01:17:29.250 --> 01:17:34.800
I’ve tried to remember what they look like.

01:17:34.800 --> 01:17:39.750
I would like them to recognise me so that they could see that yes,

01:17:39.750 --> 01:17:42.330
they did a lot of harm.

01:17:42.330 --> 01:17:45.500
But here I am, fine and strong,

01:17:45.500 --> 01:17:49.930
I’m fighting and I\'m here to speak up.

01:17:49.930 --> 01:17:53.400
To say that they did this to me.

01:17:53.400 --> 01:17:55.130
It\'s a very difficult situation.

01:17:55.130 --> 01:17:58.950
A lot of years have passed and it hurts.

01:18:00.830 --> 01:18:05.350
But I think that I have done my part.

01:18:10.400 --> 01:18:16.850
Now on this day, well in the last few years, I feel different

01:18:16.850 --> 01:18:20.500
because I have helped them.

01:18:20.500 --> 01:18:23.280
I see how my work has been reflected.

01:18:23.280 --> 01:18:27.400
I see Erick happier and closer to us.

01:18:27.400 --> 01:18:32.480
It has been hard but I’ve seen the light.

01:18:32.480 --> 01:18:35.200
That is all I can say.

01:18:36.930 --> 01:18:40.080
Well I forgot to thank my brother

01:18:40.080 --> 01:18:43.400
for everything that he has done for us over the years.

01:18:43.400 --> 01:18:47.530
He taught us how to shave, he taught us how to wash the car,

01:18:47.530 --> 01:18:50.080
everything that my dad has not done.

01:18:50.080 --> 01:18:54.380
And I’m going to say this, thank you mum.

01:18:54.380 --> 01:18:59.550
Because without you, we wouldn’t be who we are now.

01:18:59.550 --> 01:19:04.700
We are four men educated by one mother, ok?

01:19:40.500 --> 01:19:46.000
Erick conoció a su nuevo novio hace un mes

01:19:47.000 --> 01:19:54.000
Fue la primera vez que reveló su pasado y su condición en la primera cita

01:19:56.230 --> 01:19:59.980
I don’t really know why but we’ve all had problems

01:19:59.980 --> 01:20:03.680
at different stages in our lives.

01:20:03.680 --> 01:20:08.100
We have all fallen and risen again.

01:20:08.100 --> 01:20:15.900
I don’t have to surrender because even if a situation is hard,

01:20:15.900 --> 01:20:18.930
there will always be a solution.

01:20:18.930 --> 01:20:22.150
Because at the end, this is why we come here right?

01:20:22.150 --> 01:20:25.100
To be happy.

01:20:28.150 --> 01:20:32.880
If I hadn’t gone out that night to celebrate my birthday,

01:20:32.880 --> 01:20:35.430
if I had stayed home,

01:20:35.430 --> 01:20:39.580
if my friends had gone to my party,

01:20:39.580 --> 01:20:41.700
if I hadn’t taken that taxi,

01:20:41.700 --> 01:20:45.880
if I had stayed at someone’s house...

01:20:50.130 --> 01:20:54.730
I think a lot about how if I had done things differently,

01:20:54.730 --> 01:20:58.580
that wouldn’t have happened.

01:20:58.580 --> 01:21:03.180
Here in Mexico, we say, “El hubiera no existe.”

01:21:03.180 --> 01:21:10.880
It’s a saying about not thinking about what could’ve happened.

01:21:15.000 --> 01:21:17.750
It happened. And that’s it.

01:21:31.250 --> 01:21:36.320
1 de cada 10 victimas de violacion son hombres en Estados Unidos.

01:21:36.320 --> 01:21:41.500
96% de las ofensas sexuales en Reino Unido no son reportadas.

01:21:41.500 --> 01:21:49.000
No hay estadisticas para sobrevivientes masculinos de asalto sexual en México y en muchas partes del mundo.

01:21:49.000 --> 01:21:54.000
Si buscas ayuda entra a www.onetaxiride.com

01:21:55.500 --> 01:22:00.000
Un Viaje en Taxi