WEBVTT

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[music]

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I don\'t think I can draw
with my right hand.

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Okay, you can give it a try. Give
it a try today. With my right hand?

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With your right or left, whichever you prefer. I
don\'t wanna draw with my right because I can\'t.

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Alright, I would… I would draw
with your left then. Look at that.

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What is this art made? So this
is… its… its called earth links.

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Think it is a theme and you just paint.

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What we know about people with dementia
is that you don\'t become someone else,

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you just become more yourself. If who
you really are is a happy person,

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then you\'re going to be happy. If you\'ve
been a somewhat sad or silent person

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perhaps you\'re going to be silent or sad. Every
person who has dementia has a different experience

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so the best way that we can serve people
of any age is to tailor their care,

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individualize their service to
what is truly important for them.

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[music]

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Well, her mother still insists
(inaudible) her father.

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How do you feel your memory is these days?

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It has something to be desired.
I don\'t remember what it is.

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Give me a five. Come on.

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I cannot take those retirement homes yet.

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Not old enough.

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We all, I keep (inaudible)

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but she doesn\'t show it and I
hope I don\'t show it too much.

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[music]

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You are not the mom I remember certainly but I
don\'t think I have any doubt of her affection.

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In my later years my hopes are that

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I live 100% completely healthy
and get hit by the beer truck.

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I think what we\'re talking
about here is quality of life.

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We know that dementia is a terminal disease

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but in experiencing the disease what do
we all long for? We long for comfort,

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we long for solace and we long for peace. So even
though we can\'t change the trajectory of this illness,

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we can create the opportunity for quality
of life and that begins with comfort.

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[music]

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[sil.]

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Oh, I\'m sorry, I didn\'t hear.

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You didn\'t hear me? I just
came in and opened your blinds

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so you would know it was morning. Mom has
been a very healthy, very active woman

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throughout her life. Thirsty?

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I know, here. And in 2010 February
she was diagnosed with colon cancer

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in besides cancer she has
Alzheimer\'s or dementia

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which she\'s on medication for.
You want some lip stuff? Yeah.

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[sil.]

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I\'m gonna have to get you to drink more water because your
lips are chapped so from now on when I say drink just drink.

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[sil.]

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Did you sleep good? I hated being in Alaska

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when I would talk to mom on the phone
and she was having a not-so-good day.

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I plan to be here for Christmas

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and a few days before I got here I got a phone
call that she had fallen and broken her hip.

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So I came home to her being at Life Care

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which is a rehab/nursing home facility. I didn\'t
want my mom to spend our last days in a facility.

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I wanted her to be home where
she had her surroundings,

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where she had her own bed. How\'s that feel?

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Good, good. I discussed
it with my brothers.

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I need to be there for my mom and I propose
a six weeks on and two weeks off schedule

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and we\'ll modify that as we go along
and my brothers were happy with that

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and so we did it. We busted her out of Life
Care, we brought her home for Christmas

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and it\'s worked out ever since. Thank
you sweet heart. You\'re welcome.

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Let\'s see,

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I have three children Bud, Kevin and Greta.

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Yeah, I see it, the three.

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Are you watching cartoons?

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Where\'s my breakfast?

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When I moved up there as a teenager
and I was just young and… and wild

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and I\'m thinking and I didn\'t come home as much as
I should have, maybe I can make up for that now.

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I feel like this is the way it…
it needs to be, the best way.

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[music]

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When I came here in 1982,
that\'s when my mother decided

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that her and me will live on our own

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and so we live together ever since.

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I am a single mother with three boys.

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My oldest one It had been out of our house.

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All those years when I got
married and then I had my kids

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she took care of my three boys and
everything. These are all right.

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Well, her dementia didn\'t
kick in at an early age.

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It was just lately may be
around nine years ago.

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At that time I got a call

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from the police station stating
that I had to come home.

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When I got home

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the chief of police told me that my
mother was trying to fry her food

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and that she forgot, the fire started

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and my next door neighbor came to help her,

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the house was burned. That\'s when I realized
that I cannot leave mother by herself anymore

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and I asked my friends

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how to get help for my mother.
She used to be a seamstress.

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She used to sell my clothes
when I was a little girl.

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[music]

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It\'s really big

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and I still can\'t believe we
actually live in this building.

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I guess it\'s kind of like a play
land for adults and kids. It\'s fun.

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I would love for my mom to be here with us,

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you know, until she decides
to move somewhere else.

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It would have to be her decision not mine.

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I received a phone call from my sister in Alaska who
said that I needed to contact my mother immediately

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because she had tried to hit

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and choke my father.

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My sister said that she felt that my mother
needed to be committed and I, I didn\'t think so

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because I was talking to my mom quite
frequently but it was the stress

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of my father\'s disease in my opinion.

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I miss my husband. We were going to live
in Palmer on his five-acre property

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and garden and plant trees

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and that we\'d live there
for rest of our lives

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but he had this terminal cancer and they
showed five years and that would be a.

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My mom was married to my dad for 56 years

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and so we got her into some counseling.

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They felt she was depressed. She had
dementia or Alzheimer\'s. One more.

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I don\'t get anymore.

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It was just devastating to me. I… I don\'t
understand at all of our lives we work so hard

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and for what to have to give it all away

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or get rid of it or surrender it to
the state in order to keep loving.

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You ready grandma? I made
a promise to my mother.

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I promise you I will not leave you here
in Alaska if daddy\'s to pass away.

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They as a parent deserve that
when they become elderly.

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They gave of themselves in that, it\'s a lot to give. I
want my mother to have their respect that she deserves.

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I have a hall, I have a roof over my head,

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I have food that I can put on the table and
I have an extra plate to give to another

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and I have loving arms
to rub around her 24-7.

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Favorite number one daughter.

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Okay.

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Yeah, that\'s what he used to call me. I
remember dad always working two or three jobs

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and usually it was

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umm… truck driving and, you
know, things like that.

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Go out here and have a big quick lunch.

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Which is the fineness
finer home in our country

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from our period just several beautiful view

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of all the whole area,
all the mountains know.

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That\'s it, can\'t get any better than that.
I am his primary caregiver

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outside of the Pioneer Home ward he lives.

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He\'s my number one dad.

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And he was on a constant high always, always,
always, always whistling always happy.

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It goes back at least 40 years
have always been happy.

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It was out of the blue. He was
doing things at that time like,

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you know, walking out right in the middle
of a conversation he would leave the room

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and, you know, just walk out.

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There was something happening with dad
and I took him in for a diagnosis

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then he was diagnosed with
early Alzheimer\'s disease

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and we had a little family meeting and
decided there needed to be something then

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because of mom\'s health dad was needed
more and more to take care of mom

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and dad was becoming less
and less able to function

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especially the way mom
needed and wanted him to.

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That\'s when my niece and my
sister started paperwork

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to get him into the Pioneer Home.

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Hi, you want another kiss? Sure.

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I am the primary caregiver for my mother.

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Eileen Hall Who\'s 77 and she was diagnosed

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almost three years ago with Alzheimer\'s.

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I have a four-year-old and I\'m about
to in a month to have another baby boy

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who my 4-year-old is assisting
on calling wolverine

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so we have to refer to him as wolverine.
That will not be his name.

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[music]

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But she had said she didn\'t want to spend another
winter alone but we haven\'t really set a date

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and one day it was one of those awful days I ran
in and I was like Mom I\'m gonna drop it now

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if I got to meet a repair person
I got back 45 minutes later

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and she was hand on the wall propping
yourself up trying to get into the bathroom.

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I think, I mean, I feel healthy.
I don\'t feel like,

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I mean I thought by this age you know you\'re
supposed to be kind of shuffling around.

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She hadn\'t eaten in like two days
had drank anything in two days.

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She was so out of it we couldn\'t
have ethically left her there.

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She would not have survived that
was the point where I said,

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you know what, you\'re moving today I call
all my siblings, everybody dropped work

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came over we moved her out of the
house that day. My mom came alone

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when she was 21 or 22 just got
out of nursing school in the 50s

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Alaska still territory she… she took a job alone.
Jumped on her very first airplane from Connecticut

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and to copperas up to Sitka Alaska to be a nurse and not knowing
what she was getting into, just packed the bag and left.

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Let me write here

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right on the end here. The funny thing is

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I was actually left-handed
and forced to change.

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I love that we\'re doing this. You know what, I\'m
wolverine. I love that Aidan sees her every day,

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that she\'s a real part of his life that
he will have a solid memory of Nana.

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It\'s a real gift to him.

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Hey, you\'re going too fast.

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Hey, you\'re the winner.

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[music]

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She\'s (inaudible) but she love it.

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I think we have a system and then we don\'t like
today, when she got up at 07:00 o\'clock this morning.

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That doesn\'t… that doesn\'t usually happen.
Why I don\'t live alone?

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(inaudible) living alone. I\'m
your number one daughter.

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Alright, Next question. Your
favorite number one daughter. Okay.

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They like cards, they like games, they
play, we have dancing like teenagers have…

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I never saw anybody dance like that.

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Its your birthday right.

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[music]

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I shouldn\'t put this in here
probably should kill me.

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She didn\'t finish high school.

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She wanted to do it herself. Say
goodnight Betty. Goodnight.

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[music]

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At the Life Care one thing they were really good about
was the therapists were excellent working with me.

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The two weeks I went up there, I went to physical
therapy with her every day they taught me

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how to transfer her from point to point. They taught me how to do
exercises with her. They taught me how to roll around in the bed

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but still it\'s different when it\'s.
You\'re the only one

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and it\'s your turn and nobody\'s here to help.
The goodness is nobody\'s here to watch either.

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So if you mess up, you mess up.

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When we got home and everybody left
suddenly it was me and we\'re talking chair,

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bed pan, bed, sometimes
trying to get to the party.

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Making sure she sleeps so
that I could sleep. Ready?

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Listening to hear that she would call for me and making
sure I would hear \'cause my worst nightmare was that

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in her forgetfulness she would forget that

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she was supposed to put weight on her leg and try
to get out of bed. Where do you think I\'m going?

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For the first two weeks we had her home she was non weight bearing
on one leg. So she really had to let me do everything. Okay?

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[music]

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Why they didn\'t put refills on a lot of
these. Keeping track of medical bills

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and deal with the insurance companies and Medicare
trying to figure out who owns what and what owns who

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and then you have the medications that are different
because Medicare only cover certain parts

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and so it\'s really having to learn
what it\'s like to be elderly

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and the worst part is, is when you\'re older and they
talk about people with dementia or Alzheimer that,

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how on earth as complicated as they make it

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with these people be able to handle that.
They wouldn\'t.

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My mother is yet to get the
social security from my father

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and he passed away in October
we\'re already in January.

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That would be those loopholes that you have to dive
in and out of and sometimes they\'re big firing ring.

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You want me to hold on or not.
You can hold on.

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In this town we\'re trying to get in home health
care because my mom\'s insurance covers that.

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Nothing\'s changed on the medicines.
None of the organization

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or license to dispense medication.
They can bathe her.

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They can dress her and they can feed
her but what I need is if I\'m not home

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or my daughter\'s at school, I need somebody
to push the plunger on the (inaudible).

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Did you get it? Yup.

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The transition was incredibly refer her. Yeah.
\'cause I mean she\'s going from her own house

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with everything around her. The times
that we\'ve had the terror out of that

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is just been really, really hard on.
Sometimes it\'s a little rough here

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but I can think back to when
she was living by herself

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and it was a lot more there\'s actually a lot
more stressful. Whereas here things are normal,

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you make sure she takes her medication make sure
she gets fed. You know, she has companionship and…

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I can\'t even count how many pills
she was on. It was like 14. Yeah.

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14 different medications. Do the first thing we did
was just slowly back off every single pill and say

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Does she really need this and so what you see behind you
this is our morning routine that\'s you know, a vitamin D

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and three pills and the paper, I
mean this is what (inaudible)

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so she knows what day of the week it is and there pills are
there so she still feels like she\'s taking them on her own.

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It took probably four
months to back off down to

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what we really felt like were the essential pills.
Sometimes she just enjoys her time on the couch.

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She\'s reading the paper all morning
and she doesn\'t want to go anywhere.

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[music]

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We can\'t get her to walk outside on a sunny
day. Were successful some days and not others.

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I think I need to go back
to bed and get up again.

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If mother\'s condition is really worse

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then I\'ll decide if I will just take office

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my sick leave which I don\'t have
anymore than I\'ll use my annual leave.

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It was so hard to figure it out

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because as a single
mother I didn\'t have time

00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:24.999
to go to every organization here
in town to look for the help

00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:29.999
because I have to work. If I
don\'t work there goes my…

00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.999
my two boys still which
I need to feed them.

00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:39.999
I only worked nine months in a year at
the school district and doing summertime

00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:44.999
I don\'t get paid so I have to
save as much money as I can.

00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:49.999
My middle son will go to college

00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:54.999
and he\'s the one who\'s been
helping me here in the house.

00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:59.999
I actually take care of her on Sundays
doing what my mom generally does feed her.

00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:04.999
[sil.]

00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:09.999
One time she thought someone was going to come and
kill her and I had this spent around three hours

00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:14.999
at 03:00 a.m. to like try and
calming down to put it back to bed.

00:21:15.000 --> 00:21:19.999
You see that my mother\'s
brain is deteriorating.

00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.999
It\'s sad to see that the Alzheimer\'s really

00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:29.999
killing her slowly.

00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:34.999
Alzheimer\'s is a slow fatal
disease of the brain

00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:39.999
affecting one in nine
people over the age of 65

00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:44.999
and unfortunately no one is immune.
Alzheimer\'s comes on gradually

00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:49.999
as to abnormal protein fragments
called plaques and tangles

00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:54.999
accumulate in the brain
and kill brain cells.

00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:59.999
They start here in the hippocampus
the part of the brain

00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:04.999
where memories are first formed.
Over many years time

00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:09.999
the plaques and tangles slowly destroy the hippocampus
and it becomes harder and harder to form new memories.

00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:14.999
Simple recollections from a few hours

00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:19.999
or days ago that the rest of us might
take for granted are just not there.

00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:24.999
After that more plaques and tangles
spread into different areas of the brain

00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:29.999
killing cells and compromising
function wherever they go.

00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:34.999
This spreading around is what causes
the different stages of Alzheimer\'s.

00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:39.999
From the hippocampus the disease spreads here to
the area of the brain where language is processed.

00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:44.999
When this happens it gets tougher and
tougher to find the right words.

00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:49.999
The rooms I never seeing all for this

00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:54.999
are designed for mostly
the handicap people.

00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:59.999
I didn\'t come into that classification.

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:04.999
The requirement for that floor is

00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:09.999
where the wander guard and they went put
it on and he just told them Well no

00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:14.999
he wasn\'t going to wear it. If he
had to wear, wear those things

00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:19.999
like those old handicapped people wear
then he will just go kill himself.

00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:24.999
One of the things that he
has really gotten active

00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:29.999
in is the hording going through garbage
cans. Very interesting selection of items.

00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.999
Finds lots of tires on the side
of the road and have caps.

00:23:35.000 --> 00:23:39.999
Three or four bed frames,

00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:44.999
you know, that he had. They were actually
out in the hall for months, sweaters,

00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:49.999
baby shoes, you know, always thinking about
the families that may not have things.

00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:54.999
[music]

00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:59.999
I think the lack of privacy
can be a little bit much.

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.999
Who are all these people? We have
to kind of find our little niches.

00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:09.999
I used to be the nurse so (inaudible)
held lots of babies. Better be his.

00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:14.999
Kind of looks like me. I think
he\'s got more hair though.

00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:19.999
Baby does it. Thanks. You\'re
just part of the family

00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:24.999
and you know I had four children.
A baby is a blessing.

00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:29.999
I know that when she\'s in her element is just
like a car if you fuel up and you maintain it,

00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:34.999
it runs well but man if you don\'t take care
of it you know you\'re on the side of the road

00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:39.999
ten below with a flat tire and
you know, life\'s miserable.

00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:44.999
You\'re a co-operative (inaudible). We all
cooperate with each other and things are fine.

00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:49.999
No complaints. I can see where it
could really tear a marriage apart.

00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:54.999
You know, if you don\'t
have the right mindsets

00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:59.999
you can really lose each other.

00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.999
People who are caring for a loved one with dementia are
twice as likely to develop their own health care issues.

00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:09.999
So you\'re talking about increased
stress potentially increased isolation,

00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:14.999
a lack of getting to the doctor for their own
healthcare issues and when you add all that up

00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:19.999
they\'re not having their own needs met.
This is mom\'s favorite place.

00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:24.999
Not in the winter. This is where
she spends most of her time.

00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:29.999
She was the bird lady. I
have having a hard time

00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.999
keeping my spirits up. I\'m very homesick
and I\'m looking forward to getting home.

00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:39.999
[music]

00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:44.999
Good thing we don\'t have in Alaska are the beautiful
red birds. I\'ve never been gone from Alaska this long.

00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:49.999
I miss my dogs, I miss my husband.
I miss my house.

00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:54.999
My friends, I\'ve been gone too long.

00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:59.999
Life as I know it has left behind.
I came into this thinking

00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:04.999
I knew all about how to take care of myself and I wouldn\'t
sacrifice not taking care of myself but weeks into it I found

00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:09.999
I would lay in bed at night with
back pain and it wasn\'t a back pain

00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:14.999
that was there from strain. It was there from stress.
It was from sitting tensed, laying down tensed,

00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:19.999
bending over tensed. Cereal
your favorite breakfast? Yeah.

00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:24.999
We have a caregiver Candy who has been
take care mom since last October.

00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.999
Mom really likes her. They have a
great relationship with each other

00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:34.999
and every day I take off for at least four hours. Usually I run
errands there\'s always something to pick up something you need

00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:39.999
garbage bags wipes, food, milk

00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:44.999
prescriptions that are at three different
pharmacies all over town for one reason or another.

00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:49.999
Some self-care ideas can include
definitely taking some time for yourself

00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:54.999
whether it\'s a now, something that you
really love to do, the other piece of it

00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:59.999
though is to make sure that you\'re connecting
with your peers or with professionals

00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.999
because you want to have at a time to be
able to let out the feelings and emotions

00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:09.999
you don\'t necessarily need someone to
fix it, you just need to let it go.

00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:14.999
This is the best part of the
drive right here just going up,

00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:19.999
the rest and relaxation.

00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:24.999
This is the (inaudible) time,

00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:29.999
this is where I go for relaxation.

00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:34.999
Its called the point of sanity \'cause (inaudible)
helps take care of my (inaudible). Yeah.

00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:43.000
[music]

00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:54.999
But that\'s what makes it all fun. So
11:00-11:30, okay, see you then. Bye.

00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:59.999
That was Candy. Have you like (inaudible).

00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.999
No, I haven\'t gone to yet.

00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:09.999
So she did get up at 07:00. I heard you asking her but
she went back to sleep and get up to about 10:00.

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:14.999
Sunshine and I\'m going for a walk.

00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:19.999
I love you. I love you too.

00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:24.999
[music]

00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:29.999
Sometimes it takes me till I get to the stop
sign up here to feel the relief because I leave,

00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:34.999
I\'m feeling guilty intense about leaving
and then I get up here to the stop sign

00:28:35.000 --> 00:28:39.999
and I take a breath and my cell phone works
and Candy is familiar enough with mom

00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:44.999
and what\'s going on that I don\'t
feeling comfortable leaving her there.

00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:49.999
I may think things need to
be done in a different way

00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:54.999
but she does things just fine.

00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:59.999
[music]

00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:04.999
They do a good job here calming him

00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:09.999
and letting him know that he needs to come
back at a certain time to get his meds

00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:14.999
but he forgets and now he\'s
getting more forgetful

00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:19.999
about taking his phone with him. He forgets
that he asked to sign in and sign out.

00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:24.999
In the coldest winters, every single night

00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:29.999
every night he would go
out and go downtown.

00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:34.999
What is frightening for us is the family

00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:39.999
is that anything can happen when he\'s out.

00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:44.999
I\'ve been taking classes and things on the
various stages of Alzheimer\'s in the symptoms

00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:49.999
and what happens and I know
that he\'s not responsible

00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:54.999
for the change in judgment

00:29:55.000 --> 00:29:59.999
and the inability to connect his
actions and the consequences.

00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.999
The very worst part is there\'s no hope

00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:09.999
that it\'s going to get better.

00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:14.999
[music]

00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:19.999
I don\'t know I can\'t draw with my
right hand. I eventually was forced

00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:24.999
to learn to write with my right hand and
I write all the time with my right hand

00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:29.999
but I cannot draw I, I just don\'t have it.

00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:38.000
[music]

00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:44.999
Thinking back growing up as a kid

00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:49.999
The only one left I have is my sister.

00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:58.000
[music]

00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:04.999
The disease creeps towards the front of the
brain were logical thought takes place.

00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:09.999
Gradually the person begins to lose
the ability to solve problems,

00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:14.999
grasp concepts and make plans.

00:31:15.000 --> 00:31:19.999
Next the plaques and tangles invade the part
of the brain where emotions are regulated

00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:24.999
when this happens the person
gradually loses control

00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:29.999
over their mood and their feelings.
After that the disease moves

00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:34.999
to the part of the brain that makes sense
of the things it sees and hears and smells,

00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:39.999
in this stage Alzheimer\'s wreaks
havoc on the person senses

00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:44.999
and unfortunately it can
spark hallucinations.

00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:49.999
Eventually the plaques and tangles erase a
person\'s oldest and most precious memories

00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:54.999
which are stored here in
the back of the brain.

00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:59.999
We had caretaker come in here what they were
about two weeks maybe at the most? Yeah.

00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:04.999
And she finally just
started locking them out.

00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:09.999
She was angry all the time. I, There was no specific
incident it was just this ramping up of being really unhappy

00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:14.999
telling everyone that called how unhappy
she was how much she hated it here.

00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:19.999
Too it\'s getting increasingly hostile with
Aidan. Last weekend Edward to do something

00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.999
and within the first couple of minutes. Thirty
seconds. Thirty seconds she was spanking Aidan

00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:29.999
we say well nana\'s got a disease it\'s her
brain the thing that makes her think

00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:34.999
can imagine if you had something in there that was eating it away
and you couldn\'t think straight and you would forget all the time

00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:39.999
and he\'s like, \"Oh yeah!\" but he
doesn\'t get the emotions behind it.

00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:44.999
Right or, or the fact that like when nana repeat something
where the fourth time that the appropriate responses.

00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:49.999
\"Yes nana you\'ve told me that four times but I
know you are you\'re sick and you got Alzheimer\'s.\"

00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:54.999
That perhaps you didn\'t actually say that to
nana. Yeah. He\'s five he doesn\'t get that.

00:32:55.000 --> 00:32:59.999
And she\'s very upset and three minutes later she\'s forgotten it and so
we can roll forward I mean it\'s not an unforgivable thing but it\'s hard.

00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:04.999
[sil.]

00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:09.999
When mothers hallucination kicks in she
thinks that someone is attacking her.

00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:14.999
[sil.]

00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:19.999
She sees so many bugs on the floor too

00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.999
at the same time crawling and
that those bugs are after her.

00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:29.999
She doesn\'t go to sleep because
it goes on and on and on

00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:34.999
it\'s a nonstop activity for her. Her
doctor gave me the sleeping pills

00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:39.999
once I give her she
sleeps like continuously,

00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:44.999
so if she doesn\'t wake up

00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:49.999
then I\'ll end up taking care of her
and I will take off from work.

00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:54.999
I didn\'t know where to
balance my situation here.

00:33:55.000 --> 00:33:59.999
Mushrooms, potato, broccoli and all salad.
I need a knife. You need a knife? Yes.

00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:04.999
There you go, what are you gonna do with
it? I\'ll eat some butter. I need fork.

00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:09.999
You need a fork? What happened to your fork? Thank you
Father for giving us this food to nourish our bodies,

00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:14.999
thank you for us being together

00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:19.999
and being able to support each
other and your name we pray amen.

00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:24.999
How did I do? Love you too.
I said, \"How did I do?\"

00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:29.999
and I love you too. You can eat?

00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:34.999
No I cannot eat.

00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:39.999
Do you want some ice cream? No.

00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:44.999
Okay. Do you want to go to bed? No. Okay,
well I don\'t know what of all. Love you.

00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:49.999
I love you too.

00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:54.999
(inaudible) put you up for a bit.

00:34:55.000 --> 00:34:59.999
Good night. Thank you (inaudible).

00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.999
And I\'ll close your door a little bit.
Okay? I love you so very much.

00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:09.999
I love you right back. Okay. Okay.

00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:14.999
Well she\'s so cute,

00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:19.999
she\'s so sweet you know at night and in the morning
sometimes she\'s just so cute and sweet then

00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:24.999
and middle of the night it\'ll be very frustrating
they\'ll be poop and puke and blow outs and stuff

00:35:25.000 --> 00:35:29.999
and she won\'t be cute and sweet

00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:34.999
she\'ll be like you know
demanding and whatever but?

00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:39.999
January tenth and January eleventh
I had a strange two days with mom

00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:44.999
she went into another world on me. Most of
the day and wholeheartedly during the night

00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:49.999
taken things out of her hand that weren\'t
really there and handed them to me,

00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:54.999
talking about all kinds of things that were happening she
went to bed around nine and I laid on the couch and listened

00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:59.999
I listened to her talk until midnight.
It sounded quiet and I went to bed

00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:04.999
and at five A.M. I was
tilted away by a sound

00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:09.999
I jumped up and went in to her room and she was sitting
across the room in a chair trying to put on her PJ bottoms.

00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:14.999
She didn\'t know it\'s morning she thought it
was night and the shocking part was that

00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:19.999
she gotten herself out of bed and across
the room. My worst fear had come alive

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:24.999
the fact is she was
hallucinating and disoriented

00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:29.999
another one of the steps of the end.

00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:34.999
[music]

00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:39.999
We had hired an outside company to come in

00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:44.999
and it was for four hours per day. The
lady left early one day without calling me

00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:49.999
and the next thing I got was a phone call from the
paramedics saying they were en route to my house

00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:54.999
and my mother had fallen.

00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:59.999
Sure enough she broke her shoulder
and she ended up with ten pins

00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:04.999
the heavy anesthesia they had to use for her
arm and the pain killers it\'s almost like

00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:09.999
that was a turning point for her
memory and her mental stability

00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:14.999
and it was almost like she never
came fully out of the anesthesia.

00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:19.999
I came to the hospital where she was ran and the
nurse said, \"Oh we had an incident with your mother\"

00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:24.999
and of course I thought \"Did she
fall out of bed?\" and she said,

00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:29.999
\"No she used the phone and dialed nine
one one and reported herself as missing.

00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:34.999
She has enough to know inside
that she\'s missing things,

00:37:35.000 --> 00:37:39.999
including herself.

00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:44.999
I just stand stared at my mom
and I thought well it\'s like

00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:49.999
she\'s jailed in her own brain thus fighting

00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:54.999
to keep a hold of reality
and, and the present.

00:37:55.000 --> 00:37:59.999
[music]

00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:04.999
I got up to home late from work one day.

00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:09.999
I had no idea I mean I walked into a buzz saw. She
started swearing which is not like her at all

00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:14.999
about a car and (inaudible)

00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:19.999
and that my husband started calling him
expletive and she had called the police

00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:24.999
to say that he had stolen her car.
Things escalated and we didn\'t

00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:29.999
and we have to do is disengaged Edded called my
siblings and say you need to take her for a few days

00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:34.999
and she was still mad if you brought up the
car she would go right back to the anger

00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:39.999
and then she would get real teary like you know we\'d
say well you call the police you call John these names

00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:44.999
and she was fortified. Shouldn\'t remember she did it
by the time she got to my sister tells a mile away

00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:49.999
she didn\'t remembered that was the end
of the car. Yeah that disappeared that

00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:54.999
she went one way and the car went another. Hey
Aid can you tell me what\'s upsetting you?

00:38:55.000 --> 00:38:59.999
Might not doing as well as I did before.
There\'s a lots of things that

00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:04.999
we rolled with frustration with just not
being able to remember things and you know

00:39:05.000 --> 00:39:09.999
not been oriented in the day I needed
him to be the center of attention.

00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:14.999
Just give me hug. Bud bring this.

00:39:15.000 --> 00:39:19.999
Yes. Hi Betty (inaudible). I see that.
This is mine.

00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:24.999
Do you want to write your hours for the last
three days since I\'m not keeping track for you.

00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:29.999
Write down today anyway and I felt

00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:34.999
I figured that one out but I don\'t remember this one.
Just circle today when I have got here and then yesterday

00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:39.999
Candy I\'m serious as a heart attack about
this I cannot keep track of you and me.

00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:44.999
I can\'t I don\'t know what time I got
here, what time did I get here?

00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:49.999
I don\'t know. See. This is the logger I try to keep
track of everything that happens during the day

00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:54.999
and not much got written down that
day but other days look like that

00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:59.999
and that and this is where candy supposed to be
tracking her time because normally Kevin comes in here

00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.999
and reads through the book and writes her check and you know what if
she didn\'t have a time to written down she\'s not gonna get the check.

00:40:05.000 --> 00:40:09.999
We are at our new coffee shop

00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:14.999
and we started this endeavor
because my other career

00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:19.999
would have taken me out and away from where my mom
is. She has a lot of urinary tract infections

00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:24.999
and so those take that
Alzheimer\'s it gets very severe.

00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:29.999
Where she\'ll start calling me at
three and four in the morning

00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:34.999
and she ask me who say \"who\'s this?\"
and I\'m like, \"well this is Janet

00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:39.999
and you called me\" and she goes, \"why are you
sound like you\'re sleeping?\" then I said,

00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:44.999
\"I am\" and she goes, \"well you need to get up it\'s like four
in the afternoon.\" like oh no that\'s four in the morning

00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:49.999
and then she won\'t
remember talking to me. I

00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:54.999
t kind of gets you that
you don\'t know who I am

00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:59.999
but yet you\'re conversing with me so it\'s,
it\'s, it takes you down crazy (inaudible).

00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:04.999
There can unfortunately be some pretty
significant behavioral changes.

00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:09.999
They may not even recognize their family anymore
and I know that we see that as a reason

00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:14.999
why individuals look to others to
take care it\'s, it\'s heartbreaking.

00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:19.999
[non-English narration]

00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:24.999
So when do you make the decision
between caring for someone at home

00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:29.999
or moving to an assisted living or skilled nursing
facility it\'s different for every single family situation

00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:34.999
it will depend on what stage their loved
one is in? What resources the family has,

00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:39.999
both formal and informal resources?
And the needs of the individual.

00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:44.999
We have just decided to get on the waiting
list at Horizon House which is apartments.

00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:49.999
It\'s a really good place I don\'t
know how that transitions gonna go.

00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:54.999
We decided that my mom need
to live in assisted living

00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:59.999
and then the home called me and said
that my mom was in a wheelchair

00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:04.999
and had attended lunch without her pants
on. So I said this is not my mother

00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:09.999
my mother\'s very shy very introvert

00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:14.999
and so it was two days later they called and
said that my mother had all of her belongings

00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:19.999
as much as she could pile in
her lap and her wheelchair

00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:24.999
and she proceeded to head to the front door
she was leaving and she told the people that

00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:29.999
she needed to be at the bus stop to meet her father
who\'s picking her up to take her to college.

00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:34.999
And so we had gone from being
an eighty two year old woman

00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:39.999
down to an eighteen, nineteen year
old girl waiting for her dad and….

00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:44.999
[music]

00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:49.999
….that was very difficult.

00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:54.999
They decided that his
independence was more important

00:42:55.000 --> 00:42:59.999
than his safety. I got the
call to come get him.

00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:04.999
[music]

00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:09.999
Looking better for not looking
me in the mirror. Yeah. Yes.

00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:14.999
I did it I get up (inaudible)
jeez is that me? Yup.

00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:19.999
Kind of crazy how sunshine

00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:24.999
for sometime all I remember just walking
down across the street (inaudible)

00:43:25.000 --> 00:43:29.999
right in the middle of
some other people around.

00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:34.999
And then boom, right? Yeah. And that is
consistent worth work I think happen.

00:43:35.000 --> 00:43:39.999
He had never been in so much pain

00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:44.999
and that just chocked me up

00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:49.999
and I just thought that this is it
this is the the beginning of the end.

00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:54.999
I felt helpless just helpless.

00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:59.999
[music]

00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:04.999
Until there\'s something that we can
do about the condition medically

00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:09.999
then it really falls on us
to try and develop methods

00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:14.999
for successful caring in service for
people who have trouble thinking.

00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:19.999
One of the questions that you
should probably be asked is

00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:24.999
if the person with dementia could see themselves now what
guidance would they give you? What would they say is important?

00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:29.999
I remember my mother but she used
to take care of my grandmother

00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:34.999
I said, \"Mom how come you\'re
taking care of grandma

00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:39.999
when there\'s an the an uncle to do it.
Then she said,

00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:44.999
\"no I left to take care of
my mother so you watch me

00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:49.999
the way I take care of your grandmother
so when I become old like her

00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.999
you\'ll know what to do with me too

00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:59.999
and I\'m pretty sure you will take
care of me\" that\'s what she said.

00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.999
So I hope my boys will take care of me
when I will be older like my mother.

00:45:05.000 --> 00:45:09.999
I think I said that you are if that\'s
the case she\'s living with Calvin.

00:45:10.000 --> 00:45:14.999
She\'s going to retirement home.

00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:20.000
[music]

00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:33.000
[music]

00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:44.999
We\'re going to Jay Baer to Fort
Richardson National Cemetery

00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:49.999
for DOD (inaudible)
\"Happy\" Harold\'s service

00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:54.999
funeral such as it is.

00:45:55.000 --> 00:46:03.000
[sil.]

00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:09.999
Medical orders weren\'t
followed he was giving drugs

00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:14.999
that he didn\'t want other
people made decisions for him

00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:19.999
and it was wrong. It was just it was wrong.

00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:24.999
Family members are either

00:46:25.000 --> 00:46:29.999
the best supporters or the worst
supporters the same is true

00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:34.999
with end of life decisions. They\'ll
either support you or they\'ll do

00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:39.999
what they want to have done.
Unfortunately dying is not simple

00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:44.999
you just don\'t take your
last breath and that\'s it.

00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:53.000
[music]

00:47:25.000 --> 00:47:29.999
Oh men fix we care give

00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:34.999
so pouring rain to

00:47:35.000 --> 00:47:39.999
get everything wet.

00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:44.999
[music]

00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:49.999
Here I am in the parking lot and she\'s calling me. Patty again
I should wondering where you are it\'s ten thirty or more.

00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:54.999
I have no arms securing my own purse.

00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:59.999
I kept talking to her before we did
this that it\'s, it\'s a place to go

00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.999
and start over to meet friends new friends
and so she was kind of on to that whole idea

00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:09.999
and she thought that was
exciting but she also said,

00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:14.999
\"Why do I want to be with old people because
they can never remember anything\" and I\'m like,

00:48:15.000 --> 00:48:19.999
\"Wow okay.\" I was going to ask you some
questions we found that this photograph album

00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:24.999
and I don\'t recognize a lot of the people

00:48:25.000 --> 00:48:29.999
and I didn\'t know if it was
yours or that\'s aunt Betty\'s.

00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:34.999
How are you gonna steering wheel? One hand.

00:48:35.000 --> 00:48:39.999
One handed aren\'t you gonna go in a circle?
No, I thought maybe you\'d gotten lost.

00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:44.999
No we had some people coming in at
the restaurant so the coffee house.

00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:49.999
One of the things I often tell the family is
that moving into an environment like this

00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:54.999
is not only going to provide the care that you
know your mom or your dad or whomever needs

00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:59.999
but it\'s going to allow you to go back to being the
family member and whether they recognize it or not you do

00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:04.999
and so when you come and visit Yeah you may have to bring some supplies
in or something but you\'re not coming to visit to provide the care,

00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:09.999
you\'re coming back as
the daughter or the son

00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:14.999
that relationship can flourish and be dynamic
of a family again versus a caregiver.

00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:19.999
I\'m embracing it I have to find the positive in it
because if you don\'t you\'re just going to be miserable

00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:24.999
and I stopped getting upset,

00:49:25.000 --> 00:49:29.999
I stopped saying are you listening to me? Can you
retain this because the answer is no she can\'t!

00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:34.999
That\'s Sure Dad. That\'s your grandpa.

00:49:35.000 --> 00:49:39.999
I know Walter. That\'s this
is when we came to Alaska

00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:44.999
that\'s a car we had with all
our personal things in it.

00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:49.999
All of us spitting. When people have dementia
we know what the outcome is going to be.

00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:54.999
We know that unless some other illness takes
their life first that dementia will claim it

00:49:55.000 --> 00:49:59.999
but that doesn\'t mean that you\'re dead from the
beginning that every moment that you\'re living

00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.999
there is an opportunity to create for you

00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:09.999
that wonderful living experience, the fact that you can
still know when you\'re comfortable in when you\'re not.

00:50:10.000 --> 00:50:14.999
Those are things that we
can utilize to create

00:50:15.000 --> 00:50:19.999
the greatest quality of life possible for you. I remember
when I was a kid when I was growing up she loved a garden

00:50:20.000 --> 00:50:24.999
she loved to watch the birds and so

00:50:25.000 --> 00:50:29.999
those things haven\'t changed and it\'s like she can go
back thirty years but yesterday she can\'t remember.

00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:38.000
[music]

00:50:55.000 --> 00:50:59.999
[music]

00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:04.999
It\'s like every day I hear someone else

00:51:05.000 --> 00:51:09.999
talk about their parents and what they
are having to do with their parents

00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:14.999
public enemy everyday for
the rest of our lives.

00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:23.000
[sil.]

00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:29.999
But good lesson learned
that you\'ve said tonight is

00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:34.999
to allow them what they want

00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:39.999
because changing things in that time

00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:44.999
is not going to make it better, it\'s not going
to get better, it\'s not going to reverse

00:51:45.000 --> 00:51:49.999
you can only help them as much as you can and the
best way you can help them is to make them happy.

00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:54.999
Nobody comes with the manual, nobody does.
The loving care

00:51:55.000 --> 00:51:59.999
and support that you gave your mom by preparing
those meals for her is all she needed.

00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:04.999
Truly, the best part was
you were there for her,

00:52:05.000 --> 00:52:09.999
you loved her, she loved you
and you took care of her.

00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:14.999
[music]

00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:19.999
Do you want a crystal Kevin? Oh
I really like to take one, yes.

00:52:20.000 --> 00:52:24.999
(inaudible). Alright.

00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:29.999
When the last pictures I took of mom she was sitting right
there and there was a rainbow she drawn on her forehead.

00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:34.999
That\'s right, that\'s right.
I forgot about that.

00:52:35.000 --> 00:52:39.999
[music]

00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:44.999
All message please back. This is
your mother I want anger fear.

00:52:45.000 --> 00:52:49.999
[sil.]

00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:54.999
Her mood from day to day sometimes she loves it there and sometimes
she hates it. Can you show us the way? You get there slowly

00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:59.999
Also and you look up and realize where you\'ve
gone. You\'re like we\'re hiding in our bathroom

00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:04.999
to have a conversation about our marriage
well that\'s probably not healthy you know

00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:09.999
I just had to bite the bullet and say she needs to go and it\'s the best
thing for all of us. Hey, you have never seen these wealthy shoes.

00:53:10.000 --> 00:53:14.999
Hey, pretty neat. They threw me out.
They threw you out.

00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:19.999
We feel really guilty about it, is it
the right thing or the wrong thing

00:53:20.000 --> 00:53:24.999
I\'m not sure if there is such a thing with this. The door is
closed nobody that works here\'s gonna hear anything to say.

00:53:25.000 --> 00:53:29.999
The place is okay. Sit down next to her.

00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:34.999
I just got thrilled being here.
Nana, remember when I was

00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:39.999
(inaudible)

00:53:40.000 --> 00:53:44.999
Yeah. Sometimes it\'s hard to know
I\'m here just telling by myself

00:53:45.000 --> 00:53:49.999
mean there\'s a lot of
people but at the same time

00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:54.999
I\'m by myself I don\'t have my family.
That couldn\'t be sick and be at home

00:53:55.000 --> 00:53:59.999
because I\'m constantly have to be interacting
and caring for her and getting food for her

00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:04.999
and explaining things and so I would actually
go to work six that I could take a break.

00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:09.999
Oh, oh, oh I gotcha. I had not
realized how depressed I got. Alright

00:54:10.000 --> 00:54:14.999
(inaudible). No, did you show nana? Did you write your name?
I don\'t even know for sure how long I have been here.

00:54:15.000 --> 00:54:19.999
About two months you got
here beginning of February.

00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:24.999
So when she left and she ended up liking
it, it was such a load off my shoulders.

00:54:25.000 --> 00:54:29.999
You\'re catching me and my minds not working

00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:34.999
on all two cylinders.

00:54:35.000 --> 00:54:39.999
I know I have to go bathroom. I know that it\'s
gonna happen that I\'m in a you know walk in

00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:44.999
and she\'s gonna think I\'m the nursing staff
which she doesn\'t treat all that well.

00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:49.999
Alright I\'ll see you later. I know that there will
come a time when she doesn\'t recognize my kids

00:54:50.000 --> 00:54:54.999
and then she won\'t recognize my husband
and then she won\'t recognize me.

00:54:55.000 --> 00:54:59.999
So I\'m not gonna be the first person.

00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.999
[music]

00:55:05.000 --> 00:55:09.999
It\'s as if she\'s backing out of time.

00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:14.999
A very wise person once told my mother

00:55:15.000 --> 00:55:19.999
that there were six people who
were doing your job, do the math

00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:24.999
it\'s difficult for one person to do what
six people do and to do it every day,

00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:29.999
twenty four hours a day, every
single day of the year.

00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:34.999
[music]

00:55:35.000 --> 00:55:39.999
You know it\'s kind of like when
your child goes off to school

00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:45.000
and gets the point go mom don\'t hug me, don\'t kiss
me well doesn\'t want me to take her any further.

00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:59.999
[music]

00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:04.999
Basically everything has gone
back to normal after dad\'s died

00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:09.999
to where it was before dad got sick

00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:14.999
where there\'s no family contact
unless they need me for something.

00:56:15.000 --> 00:56:19.999
Dad\'s biggest thing in life was family,
Everything that he did was for family

00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:24.999
I have learned a lot through this process.

00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:29.999
My mom gave me this ornament right
here, this was the ornament

00:56:30.000 --> 00:56:34.999
when she was a little girl that she got to hang on the tree.
The first whole year was really hard for every occasion.

00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:39.999
I didn\'t get a Valentine\'s Day card
from my mom for the first time ever,

00:56:40.000 --> 00:56:44.999
I didn\'t have a Christmas
box to pack up for her

00:56:45.000 --> 00:56:49.999
you know it was all the first the first year after so
things have gotten much better in that, in that way.

00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:54.999
I think about my mom every day

00:56:55.000 --> 00:56:59.999
and I miss her very much.
I really thank my husband

00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:04.999
for giving me the opportunity to
be with her and take care of her

00:57:05.000 --> 00:57:09.999
and her last days to me that
made everything alright.

00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:14.999
[music]

00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:19.999
When she comes over now she it\'s like she\'s on vacation
and so she\'s happy to be there she plays with kids

00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:24.999
and we have a really good time. That\'s a really
good stage I think seeing which she\'s happier

00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:29.999
then she was at my house it\'s hard
because I know we did the right thing

00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:34.999
but then you see are there think we should have been done that to
start with you know which you\'ve been happier all along you know.

00:57:35.000 --> 00:57:40.000
She seems content.