Grow Old Along With Me: The Poetry of Aging
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
'Life doesn't end at a certain age.' Through many diverse faces (from artists and actors to an opera singer and a Buddhist nun), this film takes the viewer on a poignant, engaging journey that shows aging, itself, as an ongoing creative process that fully unfolds only when we embrace the richness that the 'later half' of our lives can bring. With grounded honesty, these older adults address their creativity, intimacy, being alone, accepting the reality of death, and the blessings of peace and nature as they grow older- with hope. Their insights on the process and effects of aging show us how to adapt gracefully to the changes taking place in our bodies, in our relationships, and in the very circumstances of our lives. With the wisdom gained here, viewers will be encouraged to embrace the opportunities of life- at every stage.
Citation
Main credits
Ankele, John (film producer)
Ankele, John (film director)
Macksoud Anne (film producer)
Macksoud Anne (film director)
Martin, Melissa Forster (film producer)
Harris, Julie (host)
Kiley, Richard (host)
Other credits
Director of photography, Nicholas Blair; composer, Richard Kimball.
Distributor subjects
No distributor subjects provided.Keywords
WEBVTT
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[music]
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Grow old along with me! The best
is yet to be, The last of life,
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for which the first was made.
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Our times are in His hand Who
saith \"A whole I planned,
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Youth shows but half; trust God see all,
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nor be afraid! American
culture seems ashamed of age
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that would pass that shame
onto each of us insisting
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that old age is an enemy to be
fought against to the death.
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We will not accept a negative view of age in
this program. We want to challenge our culture
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that is obsessed with youth.
Youth shows but half.
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[music]
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[music]
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The poet Robert Browning hints that youth
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has beauty and grace because youth
would be intolerable without it.
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Young people are decorative
that’s why we like them.
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They’re slender, agile, fair and graceful because
nobody could stand them if they were otherwise.
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It would be horrible if boys and girls
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knowing as little as they do or
also bald, gray headed, fat,
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wrinkled and double chinned
then they would be unendurable,
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but nature has so arranged matters that
young people are physically attractive
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until they acquire some brains and sense,
and they’re able to live by their wits.
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Then they lose their superficial advantage.
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I don’t think of it as age. I
think of it where I am now.
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Uh… I am 71 going on 72, but I don’t think
of that of the numbers of the years.
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I read an article once written by a woman
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in her late 50s I think she was. This
article was about the glass women.
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When you get past 55 and no longer
sexually attractive to men,
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men don’t say, ‘Oh, look at that
pretty girl.’ Then, your glass,
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you’re made of glass and they see
right through you and that happens.
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Uh… I think, ‘Oh, I look pretty
good but no one looks at me, ’
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like ‘Oh, my guess I don’t look so good
anymore.’ I mean, that’s just there.
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I can’t do anything about it. I mean, I
could have my face lifted I suppose,
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but that’s not real to me, that’s not life.
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Do not speak of yourself (for God’s sake)
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even when asked. Do not dwell
on other times as different
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from the time Whose air we breathe;
or recall books with broken spines
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Whose titles died with the old dreams. Do
not resort to An alphabet of gnarled pain,
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but speak of the lark’s wing Unbroken,
still fluent as the tongue.
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Call out the names of stars
Until their metal clangs
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in the enormous dark. Yodel
your way Through fields
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where the dew weeps, but not you… not you.
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Have no communion with
despair; and, at the end,
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Take the old fury in your
empty arms, sever its veins,
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And bear it fiercely… fiercely
to the wild beast’s lair.
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Said the little boy. \"Sometimes I
drop my spoon.\" Said the old man,
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\"I do that too.\" The little boy whispered.
\"I wet my pants.\"
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\"I do that too,\" laughed the little
old man. Said the little boy.
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\"I often cry.\"
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The old man nodded, \"So do I.\" \"But worst of all,
it seems Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.\"
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And he felt the warmth
of a wrinkled old hand.
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\"I know what you mean,\"
said the little old man.
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You and I are old;
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Old age hath yet his honor and
his toil; Death closes all
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but something ere the end,
some work of noble note,
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may yet be done. It is not too
late to seek a newer world.
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Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
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We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are… we are.
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Though much is taken much abides,
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a 90 year-old weaver wrote. I
love to weave. I’ll stop weaving
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when I can’t move any more. Until then,
you’ll find me dancing on the loom.
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And the Canadian painter Emily Carr
wrote in her journal, I feel old, old,
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and stiff and tired except when
I paint, them I am no age.
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When we’re fully engaged in what
we’re doing that we are no age.
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Pacem in Terris was discovered one day
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when I looked out of the window here I notice
that the garbage dump to cross the river,
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it was the ruin of an 18th century water mill
that had burned down about hundred years ago.
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I was very intrigued by it and I tried
to buy it. And I bought it at the time
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for $800. They want $900, but I…
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I’m a businessman after all.
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[music]
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We discovered by sheer luck
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that we had an absolutely outstanding
acoustics and that was the beginning
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of our chamber music concerts.
00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:44.999
I saw Pacem in Terris as
something absolutely precious.
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I wanted it to be a sacred space,
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a sacred space that might speak to
the sacred space that I think is,
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the very basis of every human heart.
Until it became a canvas in a way.
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Of a recent trip to
France, Frederick writes,
00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:09.999
on Easter I was drawing the
City Hall of (inaudible)
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just south of the Belgian border. As I sat
there drawing (inaudible) disappeared
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and returned with a little bag of chocolates.
Your birthday present she said, hard to believe.
00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:24.999
I’d entered my 90th year
chewing (inaudible) chocolate,
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drawing that Old Town Square
with eyes still is astonished
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as 60 years ago. The woman with a little
bag of chocolates made to you look older
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than in 1955, but not to me.
00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:44.999
I love every single stroke, every dot as a
direct precipitation of what the eye perceives.
00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:49.999
It’s a witness of sheer seeing
00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:54.999
that travels through the retina,
through all the ones organism,
00:07:55.000 --> 00:07:59.999
heart included to the
hand that steers the pen,
00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:04.999
uncensored for a racing is impossible. Forgive
me this hymnody and praise of drawing.
00:08:05.000 --> 00:08:13.000
[music]
00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:19.999
So many people who come
here and react to the place
00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:24.999
and the place is nothing but a
few pass and some sculptures,
00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:29.999
but quiet just nature
bit wild a bit unkempt.
00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:38.000
[music]
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The Oldest symbol of Christ is
the fish from the catacombs.
00:08:45.000 --> 00:08:49.999
I saw that as an immense fish
00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:54.999
and every scale of that
fish was a human face
00:08:55.000 --> 00:08:59.999
and that’s fish were sailing
through the interstellar spaces.
00:09:00.000 --> 00:09:04.999
This was not an idea, it was a vision.
00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:09.999
Also it became a picture of all of humanity
in its interchangeable unity of faces,
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each one being an individually
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and at the same time universal.
All those little souls,
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so many of us it… it’s
like the… the pebbles
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on the bottom of the ocean. So I… I
can’t think that I’m important at all
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that I have created anything. The
only thing when I think of my life
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that makes me very happy is the
fact that I did the solo plays;
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Emily Dickinson, Charlotte
Brontë, Isaac Denison,
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Joyce’s Nora and James Joyce
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and Dark Harrington and (inaudible)
those plays came directly from me
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because of my love and enthusiasm
for those real people.
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:04.999
That makes me happy. I don’t
know if it has any purpose,
00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:09.999
but it’s made me very happy. I
enjoy putting a play together
00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:14.999
and acting it even more
than I did when I started
00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:20.000
as I was full of so many fears when I began
and I don’t have as many of those anymore.
00:10:25.000 --> 00:10:33.000
[sil.]
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No… no, Willy, you’re getting
so red on your face.
00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:54.999
I’m afraid something’s gonna happen to you.
That happens to be sometimes.
00:10:55.000 --> 00:10:59.999
Yeah, you got diabetes. I had something
else. Now play the cards! I don’t have.
00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:04.999
(inaudible) you stroke right in front
of me. I’ll worry about the stroke,
00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:09.999
you just worry by the cards.
The cards that were dealt.
00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:14.999
You get a hand of cards and you have to
know that’s those are the ones you got.
00:11:15.000 --> 00:11:19.999
Uh… You have to make the best of them,
00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:24.999
to make the best of to try to make the
best of everything. Even if it’s a tragedy
00:11:25.000 --> 00:11:29.999
uh… to turn that into something
mean… meaningful for you or…
00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:34.999
or the people around you. I mean,
you… you can think of a woman
00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:39.999
who crossed a thousand walked
00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:44.999
across a year (inaudible) thousand miles
00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:49.999
and then lost her baby and you think
well, how does she survived that,
00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:54.999
I mean, she must survive it, but how?
00:11:55.000 --> 00:11:59.999
And… and the problem of aging
is we’ve you could say,
00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:04.999
’We’ve walked a thousand
miles and now we’re all old.
00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:09.999
I know chronologically I’m old, so what?
00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:14.999
Uh… I’ve lots of things I still want
do and lots of things I will do.
00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:19.999
Uh… I… I never see myself retiring.
00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:24.999
Uh… Someone called with the dirtiest words
in the English language uh… retirement.
00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:29.999
I’m in really rude good health
for somebody my age. I’m 86
00:12:30.000 --> 00:12:34.999
and I think I can still play somebody
of 65, but one reason here is about
00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:39.999
the rewards of aging, I don’t
think I’m really aware of them
00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:44.999
and I get furious about the things that I can
no longer do or can no longer do easily.
00:12:45.000 --> 00:12:49.999
If I were a wiser man, I
would have cultivated
00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:54.999
some sort of serenity and acceptance of age
00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:59.999
that allow me to take the ageing years
with grace, I wish I had it (inaudible)
00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:04.999
but there’s whole another side of life
00:13:05.000 --> 00:13:09.999
which I think I hope has grown and developed
which is perhaps my capacity for feeling.
00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:14.999
There’s a poem by Walter John de la
Mare that (inaudible) are whole other
00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:19.999
I’m probably much healthier
attitude toward aging.
00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:24.999
Age takes in panelists hands
or one loves most away;
00:13:25.000 --> 00:13:29.999
peace, joy,
00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:34.999
simplicity where then they’re inward stay
00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:39.999
or so at least they say
00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:44.999
marvel of noontide lights of gradual
00:13:45.000 --> 00:13:49.999
break of day dreams,
visions of the night, age,
00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:54.999
(inaudible) all away.
00:13:55.000 --> 00:13:59.999
Yes… yes, that is what they
say, ‘Wonder of winter snow,
00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:04.999
magic of wandering moon,
the starry hosts of heaven
00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:09.999
come 70.’ All are gone.
00:14:10.000 --> 00:14:14.999
Yes… yes, that is what they say
00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:19.999
unhappy when alone,
00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:24.999
nowhere at peace to be, drown the old self
00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:29.999
sown eager thoughts
constantly staring in me.
00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:34.999
Extraordinary
00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:39.999
that’s what they say to me!
00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:44.999
Is somebody is going to control me and
my life and determine what I feel
00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:49.999
or what I think. I think
that old people are being
00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:54.999
put into a different category of
human, not quite up to anything
00:14:55.000 --> 00:14:59.999
and I think that people have to
be taught that life for people
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.999
does not end at a certain age. And
I do not want to leave this Earth,
00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:09.999
not yet. It’s still beautiful and I
think it has to do with creativity.
00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:14.999
I want to do things, a lot of things. I
always think of what I want to do next,
00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:19.999
really? I have an assignment to go
to Poland to and to Eastern Germany.
00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:24.999
Can you imagine at my age an
editor gave me an assignment,
00:15:25.000 --> 00:15:29.999
but I doubt very much that
I be able to do it because
00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:34.999
I’m 90. I’m not as chip as I used to be.
00:15:35.000 --> 00:15:39.999
It involves a great deal of
walking and great deal of doing
00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:44.999
and I don’t think as of now
00:15:45.000 --> 00:15:49.999
maybe next year. I think
the most important thing
00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:54.999
in my life has been my work, it still is.
00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:59.999
It’s the core of my life really.
00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:04.999
You know photographers are hunters
00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:09.999
and it is a great source of
satisfaction when you caught your prey
00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:14.999
and when it’s just what you want. You just started
telling me. No… no, I mean it… I mean it.
00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:19.999
I have more than 200,000 negative.
00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:24.999
It all deals with people
with their histories,
00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:29.999
where they came from.
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:34.999
The most astonishing thing to
my mind is that I practically
00:16:35.000 --> 00:16:39.999
almost never spoke the
language of the people.
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:44.999
I speak to each other, you
know, without languages.
00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:49.999
They have a language of their own,
00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:54.999
so they sort of understood
me and I understood them.
00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:59.999
At the very bottom, very
basic they are pretty
00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:05.000
much the same, the recognition, you
know, that is your brother, you sister.
00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:14.999
An aged man is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick,
00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:19.999
unless Soul clap its hands and sing,
00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:24.999
and louder sing for every
tatter in its mortal dress.
00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:29.999
[music]
00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:34.999
I love to sing… I love to sing. I
don’t know what I will feel like
00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:39.999
when I can’t sing anymore.
I have not come to that.
00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:44.999
All of my years
00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:49.999
in the Opera World, I
knew from the beginning
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:54.999
that one day I would let
singing go, that’s okay.
00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:59.999
And it’s not to say that even at this time
I won’t sing one or two more performances
00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:04.999
of something and sort of tying a
bow and say I finished that job.
00:18:05.000 --> 00:18:09.999
[music]
00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:14.999
At this particular age, at 65 years
old, come on it’s ridiculous to think
00:18:15.000 --> 00:18:19.999
that for 15 or 20 or 30 more years I’m
going to be singing the way I sang
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:24.999
when I was, you know, 10 years
younger or even as I sing today.
00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:29.999
At look in the mirror at yourself, it
is more horizontal than anything. Okay.
00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:34.999
What is going to help me with letting go, will be
what I’m about to do also at this time in my life,
00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:39.999
which I never thought I wanted
to do and that is to teach
00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:44.999
and to try to give what I have learned and what I have
gone through to young singers. And this is another career.
00:18:45.000 --> 00:18:53.000
[music]
00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:59.999
Yes! That’s it. I like. Oh, no!
…that’s the wrong play.
00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:04.999
No, that’s all right, but you see what your
Performa because what you did, you said I took the…
00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:09.999
[music]
00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:14.999
We have been grey,
00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:19.999
growing our way, life has been beautiful.
We have been young.
00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:24.999
After you gone
00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:29.999
life will go on like an
00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:34.999
(inaudible).
00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:39.999
When I grow
00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.999
too old to dream.
00:19:45.000 --> 00:19:49.999
I’ll have you to remember…
00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:54.999
I really seemed to have no brains
at all as a youngster in school
00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:59.999
and I thought I can’t do anything in the world.
Everybody else knows how to take apart a carburetor
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.999
and… and knows about the stock market
and I can’t figure anything out.
00:20:05.000 --> 00:20:09.999
So it was the luckiest thing in the
world that I learned that I could act.
00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:14.999
As my grandmother would say, I fell
in a sewer and came up with a watch…
00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:19.999
with a gold watch. I’m lucky.
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:24.999
[music]
00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:29.999
The voice was given to me, so what do I
really have to be proud of except the work
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.999
that I put into making this… this
gift that was given to me better.
00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:39.999
[music]
00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:44.999
I hope that when I come to that point that I will not be
able to sing, I will be able to accept it graciously.
00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:53.000
[music]
00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.999
I will arise and go now,
00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:29.999
and go to Innisfree, And a
small cabin build there,
00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:34.999
of clay and wattles made; Nine
bean rows will I have there,
00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:39.999
a hive for the honey bee, and
live alone in the bee-loud glade.
00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:44.999
I don’t think people
should fear being alone.
00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:49.999
The fear is the… the Devil
walking the world and saying,
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:54.999
’I want you to be afraid… be afraid.
I don’t wanna be afraid.
00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:59.999
I’ve been alone now since more
than 20 years I’ve been alone.
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:04.999
Umm… I have a son who I see occasionally
00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:09.999
but I don’t live with anybody.
I miss companionship
00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:14.999
like that closeness in living with someone.
00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:19.999
I think my mother and father are as close
to me as they ever were and my brother,
00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:24.999
they’re always in my thoughts. They’re always with me and
they’d been gone a long time. I think these spirits,
00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:29.999
these and what we are spirits,
we’re filling the atmosphere.
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:34.999
And I shall have some peace there,
for peace comes dropping slow,
00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:39.999
Dropping from the veils of the
morning to where the cricket sings;
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:44.999
There midnight’s all a glimmer,
and noon a purple glow,
00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:49.999
and evening full of the linnet’s wings.
00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:54.999
I will arise and go now,
for always night and day
00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:59.999
I hear lake water lapping
with low sounds by the shore;
00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:04.999
While I stand on the roadway,
or on the pavements grey,
00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:09.999
I hear it in the deep heart’s core.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:14.999
There’s loneliness
00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:19.999
which is restless and that you
experienced as a mistake of some kind
00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:24.999
or let’s say unwanted, very unwanted,
you’re trying to get away from it.
00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:29.999
Then, there’s loneliness
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.999
which maybe you could change the words
and call it aloneness, which is cool.
00:23:35.000 --> 00:23:39.999
Not meaning cold and distant or aloof,
00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:44.999
but that you rest in and feel nourished by.
00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:49.999
So my experience is that
we start where we are
00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:54.999
which is usually with that restless,
hot, uncomfortable, unwanted loneliness.
00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:59.999
[sil.]
00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.999
What to do about that and I’m saying you… you go into
it, you become intimate with it, it’s not so easy
00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:09.999
but if that’s your question rather than
how to get rid of this, you find out.
00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:14.999
It isn’t really that that
heartbroken quality goes away
00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:19.999
and suddenly your lighthearted
and singing and dancing,
00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:24.999
it’s… it’s that sometimes your lighthearted
00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:29.999
and sometimes it has that genuine broken hearted feeling,
but all of that is part of the beauty I guess you could say
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:34.999
are the shared humanness.
00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:39.999
I’ve been saying lately in my teaching, you know,
that the pith instruction is just to stay…
00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:44.999
to stay here, to simply
stay here with the energy
00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:49.999
of the present moment whatever
that might be weakness or pain,
00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:54.999
different kinds the aches and pains,
but there’s also emotional energy
00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:59.999
of the moment like being angry or
lonely or depressed or sadness,
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.999
these different energies, you know,
00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:09.999
and even though it sounds very
simplistic, you know, to just be stay
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:14.999
in the moment you’re in, it’s very
profound actually to be fully here
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:19.999
and very rare to stay
00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:24.999
and not feel that there’s some better now
someplace else or later or in the past.
00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:29.999
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is?
00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.999
I do know how to pay attention,
00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:39.999
how to fall down into the grass,
how to kneel down in the grass,
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:44.999
how to be idle and blessed, how
to stroll through the fields
00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:49.999
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me what else should I done.
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:54.999
Doesn’t everything die
at last and too soon?
00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:59.999
Tell me what is it you plan to do with your
00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:04.999
one wild and precious life.
00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:09.999
When we’re young, your concentration
is on yourself and keeping ahead
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:14.999
or at least abreast of everything that
is transpiring in your particular world.
00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:19.999
When your energy begins
to flag a little bit,
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:24.999
as it does nature taps you on the shoulder and says, ‘It’s
time now that you don’t have to do all that stuff.’
00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.999
Your body, and your mind
00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:34.999
and your spirit, if you listen to and say,
00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:39.999
you really wanna go to that party
to meet all those new people.
00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:44.999
I really don’t and I
know it’d be good for me
00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:49.999
uh… business-wise, but to
hell with business wise.
00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:54.999
I am… I’m gonna stay on all
the night to read Mark Twain.
00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:59.999
That’s the joy of it and… and because
you got a few years and here they say,
00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.999
’Oh, Richard, won’t become. He is, you know,
he’s said he’s a little tired (inaudible)
00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:09.999
it all right you know, but if you’re 35 and
you won’t come people get furious, they say,
00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:14.999
’Oh, wealth over them who needs
it.’ I have joy… I have joy.
00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:19.999
It’s not joy of the explosive kind
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:24.999
that you have when you’re young, not quite
00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:29.999
but it’s a wonderful joy
that spread thinly.
00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:34.999
I suppose it’s where joy edges into peace.
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:39.999
So much joy we have when we’re young,
really has no peace in it at all,
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.999
it’s just crazy joy and
wildness and… and that’s fine,
00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:49.999
but it doesn’t wear well and but where…
00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:54.999
where you have peace with…
with an overlay of joy
00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:59.999
that’s… that’s the consummation devoutly to be wished
that’s… that’s the answer I think you can grab that.
00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.999
The time will come
00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:09.999
when with elation, you will greet
yourself arriving at your own door,
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:14.999
in your own mirror, and each will
smile at the other’s welcome,
00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:19.999
and say, sit here. Eat.
00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:24.999
You will love again the stranger who
was your self. Give wine. Give bread.
00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:29.999
Give back your heart to
itself, to the stranger
00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:34.999
who has loved you all your life,
whom you ignored for another,
00:28:35.000 --> 00:28:39.999
who knows you by heart. Take down the
love letters from the bookshelf,
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:44.999
the photographs, the desperate notes,
00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:49.999
peel your own image from the mirror. Sit.
00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:54.999
Feast on your life.
00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:59.999
I love to be alone. I’ve had
a long trading, you know,
00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:04.999
and I don’t mind solitude
at all I… I treasure it.
00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:09.999
A photographer has a
solitary life to begin with.
00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:14.999
It certainly isn’t the darkroom
until a picture is really finished,
00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:19.999
you know, complete. It’s all solitary.
00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:24.999
The only thing that I find difficult
00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:29.999
and that made me sort of anxious that I
have to make all the decision alone,
00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:34.999
not that I would take advice
all the time, you know.
00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:39.999
But to talk things over with I think
that is fairly difficult thing
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:44.999
for people who live alone. I lost my
mother when I was eight years old.
00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:49.999
So she died very young. I lost
my older sister in Auschwitz
00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:54.999
and her two sons were
also killed by the Nazis.
00:29:55.000 --> 00:29:59.999
I did not ever really deal
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.999
with the (inaudible), but what was
the point in dealing with it,
00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:09.999
you know,
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:14.999
it sounds kind of tough but I pushed it
away because I didn’t want to suffer,
00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:19.999
yes… yes. But recently
00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:24.999
I had laser prints made of old
family pictures, you know,
00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:29.999
my sisters and other sisters, you know,
and I’m quite delighted with it,
00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:34.999
but if you think that I shouldn’t be
00:30:35.000 --> 00:30:39.999
or today I’m dwelling on the past I’m not.
00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:44.999
When you’re young,
00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:49.999
you care more about what
people say or think about you,
00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:54.999
the vanities of life move
into the background,
00:30:55.000 --> 00:30:59.999
you know, not that I don’t
want to local okay,
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:04.999
you know, I want to wear nice
clothes and all that, yes,
00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:09.999
that to a degree exists of course, but
I am not concerned with wrinkles.
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:14.999
Wrinkles and photography are delicious.
00:31:15.000 --> 00:31:19.999
They show that the person
has lived in he suffered.
00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:24.999
Don’t think of me as an old person,
00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:29.999
I’m the same person that I was when
I was younger and the same person.
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:34.999
[music]
00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:39.999
These wrinkles are nothing.
00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:44.999
These gray hairs are nothing. This
stomach which sags with old food,
00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:49.999
these bruised and swollen
ankles, they are nothing.
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:54.999
I am the same boy my mother used to kiss.
00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:59.999
The years change nothing.
On windless summer nights
00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:04.999
I feel those kisses slide
from her dark lips far away,
00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:09.999
and in winter they float
over the frozen pines
00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:14.999
and are covered with snow.
They keep me young.
00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:19.999
[music]
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.999
When I first moved here, I was hit
by a Great… Great Depression.
00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:29.999
When I was up here alone without
friends, without family,
00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:34.999
the worst fear is not (inaudible) not
wrong to use in that… that state
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:39.999
that I’m trying to describe
and it was aloneness
00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:44.999
and once I understood what it was
being alone is a very special
00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:49.999
uh… state and not easy. Aloneness
00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:54.999
is what we started out with that when aloneness begins
as when the moment you’re born and it’s frightening,
00:32:55.000 --> 00:32:59.999
but it is also glorious
and I… I’m moving now
00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:04.999
uh… to… to… to enjoy the aloneness and
I would never call it loneliness.
00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:09.999
Loneliness would be what
I used to feel about it,
00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:14.999
you know, before I knew what it was.
00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:19.999
Jimmy Jones, (inaudible) (inaudible) man
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.999
I had some very nice scenes with
him and a film by (inaudible)
00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:29.999
it it’s called alone. And it’s
the story about a Texas farmer
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:34.999
who has just lost his wife and the one person
who’s got an extraordinary relationship
00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:39.999
with a man who for many… many… many years
has been his foreman, Jimmy Jones.
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:44.999
You want me to crop this year?
How would I know Grey.
00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:49.999
That the truth.
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:54.999
Nobody can tell that. When you gonna
make the crop and when you, you don’t.
00:33:55.000 --> 00:33:59.999
I have to make a crop, Grey.
I have no money left.
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:04.999
You’d get a loan, you always…
00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:09.999
At the very end of the film
they’re left alone together.
00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:14.999
Jackie gone back to Huston? Yeah.
00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:19.999
And he’s standing on the porch
of my house and he says.
00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:24.999
It’s all quiet.
00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:29.999
My God! It’s all quiet. Pleasant…
pleasant… pleasant quite.
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:34.999
I lived my life
00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:39.999
in growing orbits than move out
over the things of the world.
00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:44.999
Perhaps I could never achieve the
last, but that is my attempt.
00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:49.999
I’m circling around God, around the ancient tower
and I’ve been circling for a thousand years
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:55.000
and I still don’t know if I’m a
falcon, or stone or a great song?
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.000
[music]
00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:14.999
Two Old people work.
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:19.999
Side by side. She wears a hat. The
old man boasts no hair at all.
00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:24.999
She moves. And he kneels, he digs.
00:35:25.000 --> 00:35:29.999
And she nods while. He speaks to the seed
that. She ardently covers row by row.
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:34.999
They rise and bend over
their garden on earth.
00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:39.999
Sunflowers will bloom toward late summer.
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:48.000
[music]
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:54.999
The relationship well its 40 years
00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:59.999
and uh… we’ve gone through very much and
it was all sometimes very difficult.
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:04.999
Our intimacy started by the discovery
00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:09.999
one afternoon 41 years ago on
the 18th of September however
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:14.999
that we saw the same things looking at…
00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:19.999
It was on a beach during rain and wind.
And it was raining and I said,
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:24.999
’Can you just walk on the beach
and I set my shoes out and…
00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:29.999
and the seagull were flying and we both saw
that at exactly the same way and we still do.
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:34.999
And I saw her delight in seeing the scene,
00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:39.999
seeing that seagull look at that.
00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:44.999
I said this woman she’s exactly what
I see and that’s what it’s based on.
00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:49.999
Now it is exactly as
surprising as it was then.
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:54.999
You don’t have to become an old fogy.
00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:59.999
Fogy means that you are petrified in
your habits, petrified in your desires.
00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:04.999
I’ve had an uncle who was
terribly unhappy because he felt
00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:09.999
that he was sexually played
out, nothing is better.
00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:14.999
This is a tremendous enrichment.
Not to have this challenge.
00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:19.999
Why… why because instead
of seeing an object
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:24.999
of desire, you’re see human beings
00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:30.000
and so you’re seeing (inaudible) they smiled not
because you have nice legs, but that who you are.
00:37:35.000 --> 00:37:39.999
They have only to look at each other to
laugh no one knows why, not even they
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:44.999
Something back in the lives they’ve lived,
00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:49.999
something they both remember but no words can
say. They go off at an evening’s end to talk
00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:54.999
but they don’t, or to sleep but
they lie awake hardly a word,
00:37:55.000 --> 00:37:59.999
just a touch, just near, just
listening but not to hear.
00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:04.999
Everything they know they know together.
00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:09.999
Everything, that is, but one. Their lives
they’ve learned like secrets from each other.
00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:14.999
Their deaths they think of
this in the nights alone.
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:19.999
If you have a relationship
with another human being
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:24.999
that has deepened and broadened,
00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:29.999
the prospect of losing that person
or of having to leave that person
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:34.999
and leaving them alone is
daunting, that’s the next step.
00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:39.999
That would be a very hard thing for me
and actually the idea of… of death,
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:44.999
myself dying it doesn’t
really faze me that much.
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:49.999
I don’t… I don’t want to be in pain and I don’t
want it to really, you know, be agonizing.
00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:54.999
But the idea of stepping off the stage
00:38:55.000 --> 00:38:59.999
at this point is not… is
not that terrifying to me.
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:04.999
What… what is scary is… is
losing Patricia and that’s…
00:39:05.000 --> 00:39:09.999
that’s something that I’m dealing with.
Uh… You have to say, ‘Wow!
00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:14.999
We’ve developed this
relationship through the years.
00:39:15.000 --> 00:39:19.999
You’re really my half of my soul and
how could I function without you.
00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:28.000
[music]
00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:34.999
To live in this world you must
be able to do three things
00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:39.999
to love what is mortal; to
hold it against your bones
00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:45.000
knowing your own life depends on it; and, when
the time comes to let it go, to let it go.
00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:54.999
I have been amongst the
most fortunately man.
00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:59.999
First and foremost I had
52 years of marriage
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.999
to an absolutely wonderful
lady and after she’s been gone
00:40:05.000 --> 00:40:09.999
for a couple of years I remarried
to another wonderful lady,
00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:14.999
equally talented in her own area. Someone
who was a great friend of my wife,
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:19.999
my first wife and who I’ve
known for over 20 years
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:24.999
and so there’s a… a continuity to
my living that I’m so blessed with.
00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:29.999
You smoke more matches than you do tobacco.
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:34.999
Pray, do not mock me.
00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:39.999
I am a very foolish fond old
man, Fourscore and upward,
00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:44.999
not fear I am not in my perfect mind. I
know a (inaudible) by heart, quite a lot
00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:49.999
umm… and it’s been a great joy to me.
00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:54.999
Uh… I know this one (inaudible)
because it was the finale
00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:59.999
of concert piece called the Many Phases
of Love with Jesse and I did together
00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:04.999
and that was the last, you know, the
end of it. I held out my hand to it.
00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:09.999
Love is not all
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:14.999
It is not meat nor drink nor slumber
00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:19.999
nor a roof against the rain; nor yet
a floating spar to men that sink
00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:24.999
and rise… and sink and rise and sink again;
00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:29.999
Love cannot fill the
thickened lung with breath,
00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:34.999
nor clean the blood, nor
mend the fractured bone;
00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:39.999
yet many a man is making friends
with death even as I speak,
00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:44.999
for lack of love alone.
00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:49.999
It well may be that in a difficult hour,
00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:54.999
pinned down by pain and
moaning for release,
00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:59.999
or nagged by want past resolution’s power,
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:04.999
I might be tempted to
sell your love for peace,
00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:09.999
or trade the memory of this night for food.
00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:14.999
It well may be.
00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:19.999
[music]
00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:24.999
I do not think I would.
00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:33.000
[music]
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:44.999
At 20, stooping round about, I
thought the world a miserable place,
00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:49.999
truth a trick, faith in doubt,
little beauty, less grace.
00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:54.999
Now at 60 what I see, although
the world is worse by far,
00:42:55.000 --> 00:42:59.999
stops my heart in ecstasy,
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:04.999
God, The wonders that there are!
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:09.999
It’s just beautiful to be in the world because this
is what I know I don’t know about other worlds.
00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:14.999
This is a miracle. Isn’t this wonderful.
00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:19.999
[music]
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:24.999
I can’t even begin to guess what’s
behind all that except the hand of God,
00:43:25.000 --> 00:43:29.999
I do believe that. Look at those
tree… look at those tree.
00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:34.999
Look at that color pink. My God,
we’re… we are given so much.
00:43:35.000 --> 00:43:39.999
We are given so much in each other,
00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:44.999
in people’s faces I get so much, you know, I…
I just want to stop and look at everybody.
00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:49.999
[music]
00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:54.999
There’s some beautiful stuff out there, you know, and
if you are a painter I think you might understand
00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:59.999
it the reason for life and (inaudible)
anybody else. It’s a beautiful stuff,
00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:04.999
right as birds and fish and… and people.
And if you want to see as God
00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:09.999
and what an artist He is
and… and I’m just probably
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:14.999
one of… one of his paintings
that’s all you know.
00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:19.999
My problem with words like joy, happiness
and so on, those are end results.
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:24.999
You don’t start out them wanting to be
joyous, but if you smell a great flower
00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:29.999
or see a great bird and the result is not
joyous there’s something wrong with you.
00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:34.999
And you see a great person
00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:39.999
that you… that you admire or that you attracted
to, uh… if that doesn’t make you joyous,
00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:44.999
there’s something’s wrong with you, you know, but you don’t…
you don’t set out to see a great person or great bird
00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:49.999
and to be joy as you set
out to see that’s all.
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.999
Trees impressed me by the way. Trees have
fought very hard to get up through these rocks.
00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:59.999
Uh… The older the tree
gets the grander it is.
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.999
Not the less it is. I think all
life forms that is the process.
00:45:05.000 --> 00:45:09.999
And when I got to 40 and someone
said, ‘Well, you know (inaudible).
00:45:10.000 --> 00:45:14.999
I said what? (inaudible) I can see
the other side of the hill now that…
00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:19.999
that’s all it means. Not
that I’m going down here
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:24.999
but I can see… I can see another horizon that… that’s all and 50 came
and I felt even better than 60 and 65. I… I can’t wait for 70 now.
00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:29.999
When you talk about aging, YOU talk about
chronological age and I know precisely
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:34.999
where I am in that respect. On the other hand,
I feel younger than I have in many ways.
00:45:35.000 --> 00:45:39.999
I think my perception is much sharper
although through bifocals that’s okay.
00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:44.999
Fully hearing aid that’s okay,
00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:49.999
but my perceptions are much more purified,
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:54.999
you could say purified of… of prejudice.
00:45:55.000 --> 00:45:59.999
I… I remember once my father saying to me
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:04.999
when I said something, ‘It’s
(inaudible) what you’re saying,
00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:09.999
you dig… dig all your persons illusion
to it. And I said, ‘God damnit!
00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:14.999
That’s what we are here for.’ To
have your illusions taken away.
00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:19.999
Your… your fantasies and to see life
00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:24.999
in its immense richness
in its nudity as life.
00:46:25.000 --> 00:46:29.999
Now when you get older as old as I am now,
00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:34.999
then these illusions have
completely evaporated
00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:39.999
and what do you see,
00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:44.999
’Oh, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that yellow
tree there as I saw it a few days ago, ’
00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:49.999
the movement of that a little bit of
swaying of that gold against the reddish
00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:54.999
(inaudible) that is something that
obviously that (inaudible) you.
00:46:55.000 --> 00:46:59.999
I had very good friend of
ours and she died of cancer
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:04.999
and then when (inaudible) her
last day she could just see the…
00:47:05.000 --> 00:47:09.999
the sky outside and she
pointed at a tree and say,
00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:14.999
’It still moves.’
00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:23.000
[sil.]
00:47:25.000 --> 00:47:29.999
I’ve had only one eye
for 27 nearly 30 years
00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:34.999
I lost this eye to cancer in 1969
00:47:35.000 --> 00:47:39.999
umm… and the other eye
has got cataracts in it
00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:44.999
and they don’t want to operate on it because
they say, ‘You have no backup quite right.’
00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:49.999
And they’re wise I think because I don’t want to risk going
blind. These are most beautiful dogwood in the back terrace
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:54.999
and I just go out sometimes
and stare at it,
00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:59.999
try to imprinted on my mind.
00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.999
And since to look at things in bloom,
00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:09.999
50 springs are (inaudible)
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:14.999
about the woodland I’ll go to
see the cherry hung the sky.
00:48:15.000 --> 00:48:19.999
Nature’s first green is gold,
00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:24.999
her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
00:48:25.000 --> 00:48:29.999
But only so an hour. Then
leaf subsides to leaf.
00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:35.000
So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes
down to day. Nothing gold can stay.
00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:44.999
The dawning of the notion that nothing lasts,
you know, that’s what I like about aging.
00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:49.999
That’s what I like about it.
When you’re aging
00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:54.999
and the body is falling apart
and your friends are dying
00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:59.999
and you look in the mirror and you, you know, you can’t
kick yourself about those wrinkles and those sagging,
00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:04.999
you know, jaw and the double chin and all
those things. It really dawns on you
00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:09.999
that the car is wearing out and that all the
cars in the lot and all of 1936 models.
00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:14.999
In my case, you know, are a little shaky
00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:19.999
go to open the door and the
handle falls off you know
00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:24.999
and there’s no way to turn
that around like the real…
00:49:25.000 --> 00:49:29.999
real knowing that there’s no
way to turn that around. Then,
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:34.999
that’s a powerful moment where
you can either get terrified
00:49:35.000 --> 00:49:39.999
and switch into real hardness of
resistance, resentment, bitterness,
00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:44.999
depression all of that, but in that
very same moment instead of running
00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:49.999
or shutting down about what’s unknown
you go for it, you explore it,
00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:54.999
you open to it as best you can, you know,
00:49:55.000 --> 00:49:59.999
you accept it as true and it’s… it’s a kind
of freedom to just accept that is true,
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.999
that you like weather and day
and night and the seasons
00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:09.999
and like everything is in a process of change and
that’s there’s nothing to be afraid of (inaudible).
00:50:10.000 --> 00:50:18.000
[music]
00:50:25.000 --> 00:50:29.999
I shall die,
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:34.999
but that is all that I shall do for Death; I
hear him leading his horse out of the stall;
00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:39.999
I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste;
00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:44.999
he has business in Cuba, business in the
Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
00:50:45.000 --> 00:50:49.999
But I will not hold the bridle
while he clinches the girth.
00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:54.999
And he may mount by himself I will not give him a
leg up. Though he flick my shoulders with his whip,
00:50:55.000 --> 00:50:59.999
I will not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast,
00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:04.999
I will not tell him where the
black boy hides in the swamp.
00:51:05.000 --> 00:51:09.999
I shall die, but that is all that I shall
do for Death; I am not on his pay-roll.
00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:14.999
I will not tell him the whereabouts of
my friends nor of my enemies either.
00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:19.999
Though he promise me much, I will not
map him the route to any man’s door.
00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:24.999
Am I a spy in the land of the living, that
I should deliver men to Death? Brother,
00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:29.999
the password and the plans of
our city are safe with me;
00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:35.000
never through me Shall you be overcome. I shall
die, but that is all that I shall do for Death.
00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:44.999
[sil.]
00:51:45.000 --> 00:51:49.999
What is it about death that we fear?
00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:54.999
My own training, you know, is I don’t really have any
beliefs about what death is. I haven’t got a clue.
00:51:55.000 --> 00:51:59.999
So from my point of view it’s
just totally unknown, you know.
00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:04.999
Uh… But you see from my point of
view so is the next out, you know,
00:52:05.000 --> 00:52:09.999
people get a lot of reassurance of near-death
experiences because they usually are very liberating.
00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:14.999
Uh… But then some Tibetan lamas will say,
‘Oh, no, it’s not really like that, ’
00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:19.999
they say uh… thus they haven’t really died.
00:52:20.000 --> 00:52:24.999
And then they’ll say,
you’re… after your death
00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:29.999
they’ll say that’s gonna be just like a continuation of
life and if you, you know, if you found life frightening
00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:34.999
when you’re alive then you’re
gonna find that when you die.
00:52:35.000 --> 00:52:39.999
All I know is its unknown I think
that’s why people are scared,
00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:44.999
but if you use your life that every and a
very out-breath, you know, is little death
00:52:45.000 --> 00:52:49.999
and lots of little fearful moments
or terror big fearful moment,
00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:54.999
if you just find all the moments
of death in everyday living
00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:59.999
and train in uh… going into them
00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:04.999
or softening not hardening or pushing away,
00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:09.999
you won’t be afraid of death because
it’s just more of the same.
00:53:10.000 --> 00:53:14.999
Because I’ve been ill allot,
a death is very real to me
00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:19.999
and I feel uh… Usually I feel
like if I were to die tonight
00:53:20.000 --> 00:53:24.999
I’m ready, but maybe
00:53:25.000 --> 00:53:29.999
I still don’t even know if I’m afraid.
00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:34.999
It’s not just a case of the frightened of
death I don’t think that worries me at all.
00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:39.999
Uh… I just I don’t dwell on that and I
have no well and what am I frightened off.
00:53:40.000 --> 00:53:44.999
I’m frightened that I
may turn to be a charge
00:53:45.000 --> 00:53:49.999
for somebody that they may
have to look after me.
00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:54.999
Umm… I know something about that.
I’m reduced in a way to babyhood.
00:53:55.000 --> 00:53:59.999
I was as all babies are helpless.
Uh… I am no longer helpless,
00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:04.999
but the way I’m going I feel
that I’m maybe getting there.
00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:09.999
Uh… I just find it maddening
00:54:10.000 --> 00:54:14.999
that I should have to go through this
and of course I have to go through it,
00:54:15.000 --> 00:54:19.999
we all have to go through it and we all
have to watch others go through it.
00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:24.999
Uh… But I don’t pretend
to enjoy it and I’m not…
00:54:25.000 --> 00:54:29.999
I’m not little merry sunshine when it…
00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:34.999
when it comes to the advantages of aging,
00:54:35.000 --> 00:54:39.999
umm… the change in one’s
philosophy for the better.
00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:44.999
I’m still impatient, and angry
and I want to get on with it,
00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:49.999
and I don’t want anything in my way,
thank you very much God dammit.
00:54:50.000 --> 00:54:54.999
That Randy old woman said, ‘Tickle
me up, I’ll be dead very so,
00:54:55.000 --> 00:54:59.999
nothing will touch me then,
but the clouds in the sky
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.999
and the born white light of the moon touch
me before I go down among the bones
00:55:05.000 --> 00:55:09.999
my dear one alone I have I’m
told by doctors a heart problem
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:14.999
I have I told by doctors a heart problem
00:55:15.000 --> 00:55:19.999
but I don’t do anything about it. I… I’m
living sort of dangerously on the edge
00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:24.999
because I say, ‘Oh, no, I’m fine. You know,
I’m working all the time and I feel good
00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:29.999
and I think I visualize, \"Why I have to go
to the hospital and sit in the waiting room
00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:34.999
and having the conferences, just haven’t
got time to do that. So I just avoid it.
00:55:35.000 --> 00:55:39.999
Uh… When I settled down, I’ll do it.
00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:44.999
[music]
00:55:45.000 --> 00:55:49.999
I’m not afraid of dying,
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:54.999
but there is so much to do.
There is so much I want to do.
00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:59.999
There is so much I want to
see, so much I want to learn.
00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:04.999
And… and I just hope I can
keep on going a little longer.
00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:09.999
I think there’s some kind of intelligence
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:14.999
that is unfolding.
00:56:15.000 --> 00:56:19.999
I believe in something and I
don’t know what I believe,
00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:24.999
but it has. It’s not
random, there is a purpose
00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:29.999
and I think if we work hard enough
we can get just a hint of what it is
00:56:30.000 --> 00:56:34.999
and a lot of it has to do with
love I think. When love happens,
00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:39.999
you can almost feel the
opening of the pores
00:56:40.000 --> 00:56:44.999
and the molecules and everything in
your body, it’s an absence of fear.
00:56:45.000 --> 00:56:49.999
It’s an absence of tension
00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:54.999
and it’s an absence of the desperate need
to control, to manipulate your own life
00:56:55.000 --> 00:56:59.999
someone else’s life.
00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:04.999
I think in every… particularly in every actor,
there’s a touch of the Tom Sawyer syndrome,
00:57:05.000 --> 00:57:09.999
which is that you really would
like to go to your own funeral
00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:14.999
and… and see them saying, ‘We have
lost a great and dear friend,
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:19.999
a man of enormous gifts. A
world without me, yeah,
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:24.999
it’s… it’s… it’s absurd, it can’t be.
It’s hard to say,
00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:29.999
I won’t be here, but I
believe obvious somewhere.
00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:34.999
Has anyone supposed it lucky to be born?
00:57:35.000 --> 00:57:39.999
I hasten to inform him or her
it is just as lucky to die,
00:57:40.000 --> 00:57:44.999
and I know it. I bequeath
myself to the dirt
00:57:45.000 --> 00:57:49.999
to grow from the grass I love, if you want
me again look for me under your boot-soles.
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:54.999
You will hardly know who
I am or what I mean,
00:57:55.000 --> 00:57:59.999
but I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
and filter and fiber your blood.
00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:04.999
Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
missing me one place search another,
00:58:05.000 --> 00:58:09.999
I stop somewhere waiting for you.
00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:14.999
I remember being at two gravesites,
00:58:15.000 --> 00:58:19.999
one was my great grandmother
and all I remember I was two.
00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:24.999
And I remember they put her in the hole
00:58:25.000 --> 00:58:29.999
and (inaudible) okay,
but then somebody got a
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:34.999
(inaudible) instead of driving it into
the ground and I started screaming
00:58:35.000 --> 00:58:39.999
because I thought they were drive the stick
through it, you know, they were just marking,
00:58:40.000 --> 00:58:44.999
you know, for the gravestone,
but I… I didn’t know that
00:58:45.000 --> 00:58:49.999
and so I… I (inaudible) funeral from
that time on that in good one until
00:58:50.000 --> 00:58:54.999
umm… a producer of a friend of mine died and
(inaudible) and I came and he sang and I read a poem.
00:58:55.000 --> 00:58:59.999
And… and then my mother
00:59:00.000 --> 00:59:04.999
(inaudible) (inaudible).
00:59:05.000 --> 00:59:09.999
All I know is I know this because when
someone dies you gotta let them go
00:59:10.000 --> 00:59:14.999
because I think that this spirit and I do
believe the spirit energy is on a journey.
00:59:15.000 --> 00:59:19.999
I want to be let it go.
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:24.999
Inch by inch along the
bed, growing more compact,
00:59:25.000 --> 00:59:29.999
his arms pulled up like bird’s
wings (My father is almost 90),
00:59:30.000 --> 00:59:34.999
I love you, I say over and over,
until I read in Time Magazine
00:59:35.000 --> 00:59:39.999
that saying this holds the dying back; they
get polite, they hang around to thank you.
00:59:40.000 --> 00:59:44.999
I love you, I say, Under my breath.
00:59:45.000 --> 00:59:49.999
In Bangkok you can buy a bird
in front of the temple for ¢20.
00:59:50.000 --> 00:59:54.999
It’s not to eat nor to
listen to nor to admire
00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:59.999
but to set free. Spring the door with your
plastic diner’s card, wait for the scrabble,
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.999
the Head poked out the
door, air by your face,
01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:10.000
and up he goes.
01:00:15.000 --> 01:00:19.999
Because I could not stop for Death,
01:00:20.000 --> 01:00:24.999
he kindly stopped for me; the carriage held
01:00:25.000 --> 01:00:29.999
but just ourselves and Immortality.
01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:34.999
He slowly drove, he knew no haste,
and I had put away my labor,
01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:39.999
and my leisure too, for his civility.
01:00:40.000 --> 01:00:44.999
We passed the school where children
played at wrestling in a ring;
01:00:45.000 --> 01:00:49.999
we passed the fields of gazing
grain, we passed the setting sun.
01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:54.999
We paused before a house that
seemed a swelling of the ground;
01:00:55.000 --> 01:00:59.999
the roof was scarcely visible,
the cornice in the ground.
01:01:00.000 --> 01:01:04.999
She wrote that when she was quite young.
The carriage stops
01:01:05.000 --> 01:01:09.999
and she sees something like
a… a mound in the ground and…
01:01:10.000 --> 01:01:14.999
and it has no roof. The roof is the ground that’s
where I’m going to finish up right in the ground.
01:01:15.000 --> 01:01:19.999
When we die,
01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:24.999
when we give up the ghost, that’s it
01:01:25.000 --> 01:01:29.999
uh… but who knows because Sir James Barry
01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:34.999
whose work I always loved in and in Peter Pan
when the water is rising, Peter is on the rock
01:01:35.000 --> 01:01:39.999
and he… he suddenly realizes that
death might be coming for him,
01:01:40.000 --> 01:01:44.999
he says to die might be a great adventure
01:01:45.000 --> 01:01:50.000
and that’s what it might
be, we just don’t know.
01:01:55.000 --> 01:01:59.999
When death comes like the
hungry bear in autumn.
01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:04.999
When death comes and takes all the
bright coins from his purse to buy me,
01:02:05.000 --> 01:02:09.999
and snaps the purse shut. When
death comes like the measle-pox.
01:02:10.000 --> 01:02:14.999
When death comes like an iceberg
between the shoulder blades,
01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:19.999
I wanna step through the door full of curiosity, wondering
What is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:24.999
And therefore I look upon everything
01:02:25.000 --> 01:02:29.999
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood, and I
look upon time as no more than an idea,
01:02:30.000 --> 01:02:34.999
and I consider eternity
as another possibility,
01:02:35.000 --> 01:02:39.999
and I think of each life as a
flower, as common as a field daisy,
01:02:40.000 --> 01:02:44.999
and as singular, and each name a
comfortable music in the mouth,
01:02:45.000 --> 01:02:49.999
tending, as all music does, toward silence,
01:02:50.000 --> 01:02:54.999
and each body a lion of courage, and
something precious to the earth.
01:02:55.000 --> 01:02:59.999
When it’s over, I want to say
all my life I was a bride
01:03:00.000 --> 01:03:04.999
married to amazement. I was the bridegroom,
01:03:05.000 --> 01:03:09.999
taking the world into my arms. When it’s
over, I don’t want to wonder if I have made
01:03:10.000 --> 01:03:14.999
of my life something particular, and real. I don’t
want to find myself sighing and frightened,
01:03:15.000 --> 01:03:19.999
or full of argument. I don’t
want to end up simply
01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:24.999
having visited this world.
01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:29.999
[music]
01:03:30.000 --> 01:03:34.999
Jenny kissed me when we met,
jumping from the chair she sat in;
01:03:35.000 --> 01:03:39.999
time, you thief, who love to
get sweets into your list,
01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:44.999
put that in Say I’m weary, say I’m sad,
01:03:45.000 --> 01:03:49.999
say that health and wealth have
missed me, say I’m growing old,
01:03:50.000 --> 01:03:54.999
but add, Jenny kissed me.
01:03:55.000 --> 01:04:03.000
[music]
01:04:15.000 --> 01:04:19.999
When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
01:04:20.000 --> 01:04:24.999
give crowns and pounds and
guineas but not your heart away;
01:04:25.000 --> 01:04:29.999
give pearls away and rubies
but keep your fancy free.
01:04:30.000 --> 01:04:34.999
But I was one-and-twenty, no use to
talk to me. When I was one-and-twenty
01:04:35.000 --> 01:04:39.999
I heard him say again, the heart out
of the bosom is never given in vain;
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:44.999
which is paid with sighs a plenty
01:04:45.000 --> 01:04:49.999
and filled with endless rue.
01:04:50.000 --> 01:04:55.000
And I am two-and-twenty, and
oh, tis true, tis true.
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.999
The Heart asks pleasure first,
01:05:05.000 --> 01:05:09.999
and then, excuse from pain; and
then, those little anodynes
01:05:10.000 --> 01:05:14.999
that deaden suffering; and
then, to go to sleep;
01:05:15.000 --> 01:05:19.999
and then, if it should be
the will of its Inquisitor,
01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:24.999
the liberty to die.
01:05:25.000 --> 01:05:29.999
Pain has an element of blank; it
cannot recollect when it began,
01:05:30.000 --> 01:05:34.999
or if there were a day when it was not.
It has no future but itself,
01:05:35.000 --> 01:05:39.999
its infinite realms contain its past,
01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:44.999
enlightened to perceive
new periods of pain.
01:05:45.000 --> 01:05:49.999
After great pain
01:05:50.000 --> 01:05:54.999
a formal feeling comes
01:05:55.000 --> 01:05:59.999
the nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:04.999
the stiff Heart questions,
was it He that bore?
01:06:05.000 --> 01:06:09.999
And yesterday or centuries before?
01:06:10.000 --> 01:06:14.999
The feet, mechanical, go round
a wooden way of ground,
01:06:15.000 --> 01:06:19.999
or air, or ought, a wooden
way regardless grown,
01:06:20.000 --> 01:06:24.999
A quartz contentment, like a stone.
01:06:25.000 --> 01:06:29.999
This is the hour of lead
remembered if outlived,
01:06:30.000 --> 01:06:34.999
as freezing persons recollect
the snow first chill,
01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:40.000
then stupor, then the letting go.
01:06:45.000 --> 01:06:49.999
When I have fears that I may cease to be
01:06:50.000 --> 01:06:54.999
before my pen has gleaned my teeming
brain, before high-pilèd books,
01:06:55.000 --> 01:06:59.999
in charactery, hold like rich
garners the full ripened grain.
01:07:00.000 --> 01:07:04.999
When I behold, upon the
night’s starred face,
01:07:05.000 --> 01:07:09.999
huge cloudy symbols of a high romance, and think
that I may never live to trace their shadows
01:07:10.000 --> 01:07:14.999
with the magic hand of chance. And
when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
01:07:15.000 --> 01:07:19.999
that I shall never look upon thee more,
01:07:20.000 --> 01:07:24.999
never have relish in the faery
power of unreflecting love,
01:07:25.000 --> 01:07:29.999
then on the shore of the
wide world I stand alone,
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:35.000
and think till love and fame
to nothingness do sink.
01:07:40.000 --> 01:07:44.999
The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
01:07:45.000 --> 01:07:49.999
so many things seem filled
with the intent to be lost
01:07:50.000 --> 01:07:54.999
that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day.
01:07:55.000 --> 01:07:59.999
Accept the fluster of lost door
keys, the hour badly spent.
01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:04.999
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
01:08:05.000 --> 01:08:09.999
Then practice losing farther,
losing faster places, and names,
01:08:10.000 --> 01:08:14.999
and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.
01:08:15.000 --> 01:08:19.999
I lost my mother’s watch. And look! My last,
or next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
01:08:20.000 --> 01:08:24.999
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:29.999
I lost two cities, lovely ones.
01:08:30.000 --> 01:08:34.999
And, vaster, some realms I
owned, two rivers, a continent.
01:08:35.000 --> 01:08:39.999
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:44.999
Even losing you (the joking voice,
01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:49.999
(a gesture I love) I shan’t have lied.
01:08:50.000 --> 01:08:54.999
It’s evident the art of
losing’s not too hard to master
01:08:55.000 --> 01:08:59.999
though it may look like (Write it!)
01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:05.000
like disaster.
01:09:10.000 --> 01:09:14.999
When you are old and grey and full
of sleep, and nodding by the fire,
01:09:15.000 --> 01:09:19.999
take down this book, and
slowly read, and dream
01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:24.999
of the soft look your eyes had
once, and of their shadows deep;
01:09:25.000 --> 01:09:29.999
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
01:09:30.000 --> 01:09:34.999
and loved your beauty
with love false or true,
01:09:35.000 --> 01:09:39.999
but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:44.999
and loved the sorrows
of your changing face;
01:09:45.000 --> 01:09:49.999
and bending down beside the glowing bars,
murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
01:09:50.000 --> 01:09:54.999
and paced upon the mountains overhead
01:09:55.000 --> 01:10:00.000
and hid his face amid a crowd of stars.