WEBVTT

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(cheering)

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- [Sergeant] Fall out!

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(bugle playing reverie)

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- Well I\'ve wanted to be
in the military since,

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as far as I can remember.

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My mom said since I was two.

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- I liked competition.

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I liked the idea of doing
the difficult things.

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- I was 23 years old and didn\'t have

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anything going for myself.

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- I wanted to travel.

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I wanted to be on my own and I thought

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that if I went into the military,

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I\'d be able to do all of those things

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and that it would give me
an opportunity to grow.

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- I knew if I joined the Army,
we\'d get a quick paycheck.

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- After 9/11 I decided that

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I wanted to do something to help out

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so I decided to join the military.

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- I joined because my grandfather,

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purple heart recipient,
my other grandfather served.

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My aunt served.

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My uncle served.

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It was, of course,
that\'s what I wanted to do

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because there\'s nothing
that you can give back

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greater, there\'s no better sense of pride

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to me, than that.

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(drums playing cadence)

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- I still today,
love to hear the boots hit the concrete.

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I got to call cadence for my battalion

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when I was in basic, which was a big honor.

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I had to do push-ups afterwards for it,

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but I did get to do it.

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The good part of the military was,

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my job, I loved being a Data
Telecommunications Specialist.

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I had a top-secret clearance

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with a bunch of letters
and alphabet behind it.

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- I was trained to be a diesel mechanic

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and then I went to the company office

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and I was an admin clerk.

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- We were responsible for
going to the scrap-metal yard

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and building our own armored vehicles.

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The armored vehicles were
supposed to have been

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provided for us.

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We, for some reason,
did not get the armored vehicles

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so I remember getting up early,

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going with some of the
guys from the motor pool

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to go get scrap metal to

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build our own armored vehicles,

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our own armored Humvees and
trucks and stuff like that.

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- When I volunteered to join the MPs,

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I kind of knew what I was getting into.

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I ended up being a gunner.

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I started with 249 Gulf and I worked myself

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up to the 50 cal heavy machine gun

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and I became qualified on the Mark
19, as well.

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- I became an MP because I wanted,

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I wanted to be in combat, I wanted see it,

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I wanted to help, I wanted to fight.

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- We did security patrols.

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We would go out way
back into the mountains.

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(bells chiming)

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We searched the villages

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for caches, weapons.

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And the females always had things on them

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because the males knew that our males

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could not touch their females

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and then when I would come out,

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they didn\'t like that.

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I found ammunition on them,

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knives, but knives were okay.

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I don\'t know why they hid them on them.

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While the NCOs and the CO talking to the

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the main people in the village.

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We would be stuck in the trucks.

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It would be hot, I\'d get bored.

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The kids would wanna come around the truck.

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They\'re not allowed to
come within so many feet

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and they\'re scared.

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But after seeing you\'re a female,

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they kinda trusted you a little bit more

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and they would come.

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- We did a lot of humanitarian aid,

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we brought food and warm clothes.

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We built an all girls school

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so the girls could go to school.

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We were more of a family than they were,

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the guys trying to dominate the females

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or anything like that.

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Our platoon sarge was really,

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they say they have an open-door policy

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and he was very much,

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we were able to go to him
if we needed to talk to him

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or any of the higher ranking
NCOs for that matter.

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- The females, we all had to room together.

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Little tiny rooms.

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(laughing)

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- Sue was a character.

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(yelling and playing)

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- [Girl Off Camera] We\'re doing PT now.

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Okay you guys both have your weapons

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loaded to your legs, right?

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- Sue, what am I doing with my legs?

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I made an entire new family that I never

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thought that I\'d have.

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Sarge Shake and Corporal Roberson,

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they were like brothers.

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All three of them were real close.

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- Well, when you\'re stuck in the truck

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for days in, days out,
you kinda bond with people.

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At first, I was always quiet.

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They didn\'t like that.

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We started playing jokes on each other,

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then we all started talking.

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And just started sharing.

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- I mean I don\'t know how Sue does it,

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\'cause she was that close with them too.

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- That day, when I got back from leave,

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we actually traded out missions

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with the other squad,
so I would have a day to rest.

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- She didn\'t wanna go,
I said, I\'ll go for you.

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You just got back and, No it\'ll be fine.

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- I got up at 4:30 a.m. in the morning,

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got my truck ready,
I was the gunner that day.

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Got my gun ready.

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I got food \'cause I know
they would always be hungry

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and then we drove out

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about 30 minutes.

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(serene music)

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As I was fixing my gator-neck over my face

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I remember just snow falling.

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And I was thinking just pretty,

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so pretty, the scenery and

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I remember Roberson trying
to put the truck into gear

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to go up the mountain and that was it.

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(loud explosion)

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- One of the NCOs was
running down the hallway

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screaming, get in your trucks,

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we gotta go,
we gotta go and the platoon sergeant

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said we have one definite KIA and

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after that you don\'t hear anything.

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- They thought I was dead.

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But you know, after the smoke cleared,

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they actually got out of the trucks

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to come and check on us

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and Roberson was alive

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but he was

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bleeding really bad, had really bad burns

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and he lived for three minutes.

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Sergeant Shake,
his seat had actually turned over

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on top of me, shielded me from the burns

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was just all up under his seat.

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So, I think in a way,

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somehow,

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by his seat doing that,

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it saved me from all
the burns that they got,

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\'cause I didn\'t get not one single burn.

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- When we were on our way up
there, we heard

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on the radio that the helicopter

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wasn\'t gonna come all the
way out to where we were

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\'cause of the weather.

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- We laid there for six hours

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\'cause they were fighting with medevac

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and they couldn\'t move the trucks.

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They didn\'t know what to do.

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And so my team said,

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we\'re not gonna listen to your top people.

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We\'re gonna listen to our people

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and we\'re gonna get her out of here

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\'cause she\'s bleeding out.

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She\'s losing time and so they loaded me up

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in the back of the Humvee

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and stopped at a French hospital, NATO.

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I\'m O negative,
but all they had was O positive.

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And the commander on scene was like

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She\'s cold.

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Her body\'s cold.

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Either way, she probably won\'t make it.

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So let\'s just go ahead
and give her the blood.

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Get her body warm anyways til we get there.

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So they gave me the O positive blood

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and when I got to Bagram Air Force Base,

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which is the big Air Force Base out there,

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I received medical attention from Americans

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and that\'s when they started

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doing the blood transfusion,

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giving me the right blood.

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Because at a point,
the Commander that was on scene,

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I talked to him after everything,

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he said everybody there,

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there was a few guys
there that was O negative,

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they were ready to start
just giving it to me

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straight from them.

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That\'s how bad it was.

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And he said the machine broke

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that was keeping me breathing.

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And he pumped air into me
for 45 minutes straight

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until they got that machine
back up and running.

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He said he was not gonna lose me.

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The doctor, he\'s like,
you remember what happened?

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I said, I lost a leg.

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He said nope, you lost both your legs.

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They couldn\'t save the other leg.

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I was like, okay.

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And then I kinda looked
down and I just laid back.

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(serene music)

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- She\'s been as inspiration to me

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and I let people know that.

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(serene music)

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- I\'m the first woman from
Afghanistan that was injured

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that\'s a double amputee.

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I\'m not really famous but.

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I think being a woman, period,

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being hurt in combat,
you\'re gonna get a lot of attention.

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Media, newspapers, Generals.

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But I had a reporter ask me,

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do you feel lucky?

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\'Cause I made it out of that truck alive.

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It\'s like, there\'s no such thing as luck.

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There\'s not.

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I feel blessed to have made it.

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I don\'t feel lucky to have made it.

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God wanted me here for some reason.

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- We watched her progress and by Christmas,

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we had pictures of her standing

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on her prosthetics.

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So it was just amazing.

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That\'s six weeks.

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I mean that was incredible.

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I promise her that I\'d come see her

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and she told me that when I came to see her

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in Tennessee, that she was
gonna throw her legs at me.

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- My main focus has always
has been on my kids,

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and it still is.

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- [Man] This is the 30th of January,

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we\'ve missed a couple of days.

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- I think they thought it was fun.

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They were just happy to have me home.

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They were just happy I was alive.

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- [Man] Okay, Austin,
get away from the walker.

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I got you, buddy.

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- Everybody talking.

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- A lot of people would make excuses on why

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they wouldn\'t go to therapy or whatever

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but everyday, she was ready

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and willing to do whatever
Bunny put in front of her.

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- [Woman] This looks like you
got a little bigger over here.

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- They took the remaining calf muscle

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and put it all up there and sewed it.

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I started walking January the 30th of 07.

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Got Lyla through the MK.

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She helps me keep my balance,

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helps me stay straight.

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(serene music)

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This will be a good
hallway to play ball in.

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We went to the Nashville VA

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and they wouldn\'t allow
us in with these dogs

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and I told the lady, the guy,

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he was a cop, you know,

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the security people, I\'m like,

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please go online and look up the ADA laws

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of the service dogs and he did

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and he apologized, he\'s like, I\'m so sorry.

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I didn\'t know anything about it.

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- What, a VA facility? - Yes.

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- But you know,
that\'s what is so frustrating.

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- They didn\'t know anything about it.

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- Well VA doesn\'t have to follow ADA laws.

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- That\'s true because they\'re government.

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- So that\'s why we\'re rewriting it.

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- It\'s a government place.
- So if you have any

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suggestions, tell us.

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I\'ve already got a
senator and a congressman

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who have already signed off on it.

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- I\'ve got two Chihuahuas and another dog.

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I got five dogs in my house.

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- So why have that thing?

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- Oh shoot, sorry.

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Oh shoot. - You okay?

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- Lost my balance.

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I\'m good, I\'m good, I\'m good.

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I\'m sorry.

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- So are the chihuahuas the bullies?

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No?

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- Not around Lyla, no.

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Lyla, Lyla\'s like the most
dominate dog in my house.

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- She don\'t look like it.

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She look so calm and peaceful.

00:14:21.552 --> 00:14:23.409
She\'s, look at her.

00:14:23.410 --> 00:14:25.351
- I think a dog would benefit you

00:14:25.352 --> 00:14:28.259
because you\'re waking up
everyday with no purp,

00:14:28.260 --> 00:14:30.429
I mean you feel like you
have no purpose right?

00:14:30.430 --> 00:14:33.329
- I never wanted to kill
myself or anything like that,

00:14:33.330 --> 00:14:34.966
I just wanted to wake up dead, you know?

00:14:34.967 --> 00:14:38.539
I just wanted to wake up
dead, if that makes sense?

00:14:38.540 --> 00:14:39.373
- No, I know.

00:14:39.374 --> 00:14:41.969
- You go to sleep the night before

00:14:41.970 --> 00:14:42.850
and you wake up, you\'re like,

00:14:42.851 --> 00:14:45.932
oh God, why did you wake me
up this morning, you know?

00:14:45.933 --> 00:14:48.637
- My kids, if it was not for them,

00:14:48.638 --> 00:14:50.999
I can promise you, I wouldn\'t be here.

00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:52.609
- Before, I never realized I had a issue

00:14:52.610 --> 00:14:53.799
or I had a problem.

00:14:53.800 --> 00:14:55.579
I just thought that that\'s was just,

00:14:55.580 --> 00:14:56.859
who I was, or am I am

00:14:56.860 --> 00:14:57.869
or how I handle things.

00:14:57.870 --> 00:14:59.202
- That\'s not how you are.

00:14:59.203 --> 00:15:00.909
- No, not all, like, you know,

00:15:00.910 --> 00:15:02.222
its really hard to open up

00:15:02.223 --> 00:15:04.259
to talk to someone. - I trust no one.

00:15:04.260 --> 00:15:05.153
- Yeah, me either.

00:15:05.154 --> 00:15:06.239
- I still trust no one.

00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:07.829
- Don\'t feel bad, I\'m the same way.

00:15:07.830 --> 00:15:08.949
- I know.

00:15:08.950 --> 00:15:11.387
- And its like that anger, it keeps you,

00:15:11.388 --> 00:15:14.239
it protects you from the bull(bleep)

00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:16.874
that people try to throw at your
way, you know, right?

00:15:16.875 --> 00:15:18.405
- I know, I know, I know.

00:15:18.406 --> 00:15:21.023
You want people around
you to understand you.

00:15:21.024 --> 00:15:22.889
I don\'t have that at home.

00:15:22.890 --> 00:15:24.459
When I first got out of the hospital,

00:15:24.460 --> 00:15:26.799
he didn\'t understand, we clashed,

00:15:26.800 --> 00:15:28.999
I mean we were fighting.

00:15:29.000 --> 00:15:30.109
- I mean, I don\'t know him

00:15:30.110 --> 00:15:32.018
but it has to be love. - It\'s taken me,

00:15:32.019 --> 00:15:34.719
its taken me this long to
understand that again, love.

00:15:35.809 --> 00:15:37.399
I don\'t, I have no feelings.

00:15:37.400 --> 00:15:38.879
I mean I love my children to death,

00:15:38.880 --> 00:15:40.551
that\'s just the natural feeling you have

00:15:40.552 --> 00:15:42.799
but towards somebody else,

00:15:42.800 --> 00:15:45.238
its like you got to learn
again, how to love.

00:15:45.239 --> 00:15:48.339
My mom, she\'s finally gotten to the point

00:15:48.340 --> 00:15:49.659
where she\'ll hear me

00:15:49.660 --> 00:15:50.953
but she doesn\'t know what she\'s,

00:15:50.954 --> 00:15:52.068
what she\'ll say to me.

00:15:52.069 --> 00:15:53.889
- As far as having, you know,

00:15:53.890 --> 00:15:55.192
unconditional love is being part of...

00:15:55.193 --> 00:15:57.409
- I expected all that, unconditional love.

00:15:57.410 --> 00:15:58.370
- Yeah me, too.

00:15:58.370 --> 00:15:59.203
You know, now...

00:15:59.204 --> 00:16:01.189
- Mom told me that she didn\'t
even want to know me anymore.

00:16:01.190 --> 00:16:02.023
At some point.

00:16:02.023 --> 00:16:02.930
She\'s like, I don\'t know you.

00:16:02.931 --> 00:16:04.859
You\'re not my daughter, I don\'t know,

00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:06.435
I don\'t know this real person.

00:16:06.436 --> 00:16:08.919
Cause I\'m so different
than what I used to be.

00:16:08.920 --> 00:16:10.255
- Yeah.

00:16:10.256 --> 00:16:11.249
- I\'m not me anymore.

00:16:11.249 --> 00:16:12.247
- Its like, you don\'t realize the change.

00:16:12.247 --> 00:16:13.080
- I\'m trying to find out who I am now.

00:16:13.081 --> 00:16:15.044
- Honestly, you cool.

00:16:15.045 --> 00:16:17.839
I thought my family was gonna be
warm, welcoming,

00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:21.348
which they were but it was like for one day

00:16:21.349 --> 00:16:24.139
and it just seemed like
nobody was really interested

00:16:24.140 --> 00:16:28.599
in pretty much like my
experience, what I had to say.

00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:31.389
It was like,
you know I was trying to tell my mom

00:16:31.390 --> 00:16:32.779
I might have some issues

00:16:32.780 --> 00:16:36.069
and instead of her talking to me about it

00:16:36.070 --> 00:16:38.961
she just felt that it was
better for me to go to the VA

00:16:38.962 --> 00:16:41.009
and for me it was a big trust issue.

00:16:41.010 --> 00:16:43.878
I didn\'t trust anybody to tell
my problems to but my mom.

00:16:43.879 --> 00:16:47.939
You know part of me feels that
perhaps I disappointed her,

00:16:47.940 --> 00:16:51.099
perhaps, you know,
she just doesn\'t know how to,

00:16:51.100 --> 00:16:52.209
some people just don\'t know how to

00:16:52.210 --> 00:16:53.859
even with their own
children, don\'t know how

00:16:53.860 --> 00:16:55.239
to come to them and talk to them

00:16:55.240 --> 00:16:57.259
and be there for them.

00:16:57.260 --> 00:16:59.629
- How many people know you\'re story?

00:16:59.630 --> 00:17:00.989
- Well, not too many.

00:17:00.990 --> 00:17:02.430
I mean uh...

00:17:02.431 --> 00:17:03.440
She thought I was too
old to come back home.

00:17:03.441 --> 00:17:05.469
Figured I should have my own place.

00:17:05.470 --> 00:17:06.759
She gave me a certain amount of time

00:17:06.760 --> 00:17:09.169
to get it together,
I didn\'t have it together

00:17:09.170 --> 00:17:10.363
during that time.

00:17:12.130 --> 00:17:15.059
I met someone,
I started staying over there a lot

00:17:15.060 --> 00:17:16.929
so she assumed I moved out.

00:17:16.930 --> 00:17:18.829
She ended up changing the locks on us.

00:17:19.890 --> 00:17:21.949
It wasn\'t until I actually
got into the shelter

00:17:21.950 --> 00:17:25.809
that I realized I was actually homeless.

00:17:25.810 --> 00:17:28.997
It was a hard pill to swallow

00:17:28.998 --> 00:17:31.419
because you don\'t, I didn\'t think

00:17:31.420 --> 00:17:33.443
that I would end up in this situation.

00:17:34.310 --> 00:17:38.349
- The homeless veterans
have almost always been male

00:17:38.350 --> 00:17:40.429
and they\'ve almost always been at the time,

00:17:40.430 --> 00:17:42.489
we see them single adult men.

00:17:42.490 --> 00:17:44.867
11% of the units occupied today

00:17:44.868 --> 00:17:47.102
are occupied by woman veterans

00:17:47.103 --> 00:17:50.419
and out of the first 20,000
or so that have been occupied,

00:17:50.420 --> 00:17:54.203
about 4,000 children of
veterans are living with them.

00:17:57.450 --> 00:18:00.029
- In 2000, my second daughter was born

00:18:00.030 --> 00:18:05.030
and it was just a very
catastrophic time for me.

00:18:05.076 --> 00:18:07.379
I really thought that when I got out,

00:18:07.380 --> 00:18:09.689
I was going to get a job,

00:18:09.690 --> 00:18:12.254
be able to support my family, you know,

00:18:12.255 --> 00:18:14.775
have these really great opportunities

00:18:14.776 --> 00:18:17.159
and own my own home.

00:18:17.160 --> 00:18:18.385
Just all these great things

00:18:18.386 --> 00:18:21.439
but when I got back, I really struggled.

00:18:21.440 --> 00:18:24.463
Emotionally,
I went through a severe depression.

00:18:25.904 --> 00:18:28.811
I attempted suicide.

00:18:28.812 --> 00:18:33.370
I went through many things that

00:18:35.540 --> 00:18:37.439
you know, homelessness,

00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:39.733
the list goes on and on and on.

00:18:41.183 --> 00:18:43.809
The VA\'s programs at that time,

00:18:43.810 --> 00:18:46.829
were mainly male oriented

00:18:46.830 --> 00:18:51.097
and for people who had
substance abuse issues.

00:18:51.098 --> 00:18:53.848
(singing gospel)

00:18:56.540 --> 00:18:58.029
I didn\'t have a substance abuse issue

00:18:58.030 --> 00:18:59.443
and then I had children.

00:19:01.110 --> 00:19:04.854
I did all the right things, I thought,

00:19:04.855 --> 00:19:07.859
I went to school, I got my degree,

00:19:07.860 --> 00:19:09.779
but I didn\'t understand, I was going back

00:19:09.780 --> 00:19:11.119
and forth to the doctor

00:19:11.120 --> 00:19:12.349
and they couldn\'t find anything.

00:19:12.350 --> 00:19:13.669
I was having heart palpitations,

00:19:13.670 --> 00:19:16.598
I was fainting, and I lost my home.

00:19:16.599 --> 00:19:18.909
That I had worked hard to purchase

00:19:18.910 --> 00:19:23.693
and my daughter and I had
to go from place to place.

00:19:24.952 --> 00:19:29.952
♪ It must be love ♪

00:19:30.171 --> 00:19:33.665
♪ It must be love ♪

00:19:33.666 --> 00:19:35.189
- The good news is we
know about post traumatic

00:19:35.190 --> 00:19:36.709
stress disorder and others,

00:19:36.710 --> 00:19:38.134
the earlier treatment begins,

00:19:38.135 --> 00:19:40.719
the less likely its gonna be a lifetime

00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:43.039
sort of disability that is going to

00:19:43.040 --> 00:19:45.019
not make life meaningful for you.

00:19:45.020 --> 00:19:47.715
Homelessness is really the
failure of other systems.

00:19:47.716 --> 00:19:50.959
♪ I surrender ♪

00:19:50.960 --> 00:19:54.049
- Being homeless is like
being an invisible leper.

00:19:54.050 --> 00:19:55.249
People don\'t want to touch you.

00:19:55.250 --> 00:19:57.589
Its like they feel like if they help you

00:19:57.590 --> 00:20:00.109
or you\'re around them that somehow

00:20:00.110 --> 00:20:03.499
this plaque,
or this disease of homelessness

00:20:03.500 --> 00:20:05.492
is going to rub off on them.

00:20:05.493 --> 00:20:08.326
♪ I surrender all ♪

00:20:11.304 --> 00:20:14.459
(low tense music)

00:20:14.460 --> 00:20:15.549
- The women in the Marine Corps

00:20:15.550 --> 00:20:17.249
actually have their own slogan,

00:20:17.250 --> 00:20:18.818
the fewer, the prouder

00:20:18.819 --> 00:20:22.479
because we\'re outnumbered about 18 to one,

00:20:22.480 --> 00:20:23.623
male to female.

00:20:26.120 --> 00:20:28.039
Used to be I would wait
until like the second

00:20:28.040 --> 00:20:29.809
or third date before I told the guy

00:20:29.810 --> 00:20:30.929
that I was a marine.

00:20:30.930 --> 00:20:32.859
He joked, that means that you can kill me

00:20:32.860 --> 00:20:35.119
in about 30 different
ways in about six seconds.

00:20:35.120 --> 00:20:36.120
I was like...

00:20:38.150 --> 00:20:40.983
(low tense music)

00:20:42.910 --> 00:20:46.539
during one convoy when
our unit was returning

00:20:46.540 --> 00:20:49.910
from Al-Assad, whether it was through

00:20:51.940 --> 00:20:55.080
miscommunication or erratic behavior

00:20:56.410 --> 00:21:00.841
that made our truck wing
gunner uncomfortable

00:21:00.842 --> 00:21:05.842
but two Iraqi brothers,
who turned out to be innocent,

00:21:07.140 --> 00:21:11.609
were shot for being suspected vehicle borne

00:21:11.610 --> 00:21:12.923
IED drivers.

00:21:16.110 --> 00:21:18.089
There\'s still a lot of questions.

00:21:18.090 --> 00:21:22.239
If myself or another marine could of done

00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:24.503
something to prevent that from happening.

00:21:27.317 --> 00:21:32.293
It was the first time I saw death up close.

00:21:33.870 --> 00:21:36.399
It was the night when I realized not only

00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:38.759
is this a war with no front,

00:21:38.760 --> 00:21:43.759
but its also a war with very
ambiguous interpretations

00:21:43.760 --> 00:21:45.731
of morality.

00:21:45.732 --> 00:21:47.447
- [Man] Three, two, one, go.

00:21:52.510 --> 00:21:55.809
- I had been exhibiting
pretty classic symptoms

00:21:55.810 --> 00:21:58.199
of PTSD and withdrawal

00:21:58.200 --> 00:22:01.029
pretty much from the day I got home.

00:22:01.030 --> 00:22:02.949
- I just became angry, yell, scream,

00:22:02.950 --> 00:22:04.729
emotional, every time I talked to her

00:22:04.730 --> 00:22:05.680
we end up arguing.

00:22:05.681 --> 00:22:07.064
I\'m crying,

00:22:07.065 --> 00:22:10.289
all over the place with my emotions.

00:22:10.290 --> 00:22:12.289
- I was self medicating with alcohol.

00:22:12.290 --> 00:22:13.669
- Not wanted to be around crowds,

00:22:13.670 --> 00:22:15.029
not wanting to be in public.

00:22:15.030 --> 00:22:16.569
- I don\'t want to say the boogie man

00:22:16.570 --> 00:22:17.819
but just that there\'s some,

00:22:17.820 --> 00:22:19.555
you know, that someone or something

00:22:19.556 --> 00:22:22.919
or some situation is not going to be safe.

00:22:22.920 --> 00:22:25.119
- Anxiety kicks in.

00:22:25.120 --> 00:22:27.149
- The heart rate begins to rise

00:22:27.150 --> 00:22:29.289
and the palms begin to sweat.

00:22:29.290 --> 00:22:31.059
- I start thinking about Iraq.

00:22:31.060 --> 00:22:32.249
- Its the getting shot at

00:22:32.250 --> 00:22:33.769
its the shooting back,

00:22:33.770 --> 00:22:36.399
its the, its the crowds

00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:39.549
and when you have,
you have thousands of people there

00:22:39.550 --> 00:22:42.579
and they want your help or
they don\'t want your help

00:22:42.580 --> 00:22:44.069
but you don\'t know.

00:22:44.070 --> 00:22:44.970
- I felt that fear.

00:22:44.971 --> 00:22:47.130
- I\'ll go to my, do my grocery shopping

00:22:47.131 --> 00:22:48.979
you know, two o\'clock in the morning

00:22:48.980 --> 00:22:50.549
because there\'s nobody there.

00:22:50.550 --> 00:22:51.650
- Every backfiring car

00:22:53.809 --> 00:22:55.269
puts you back there.

00:22:55.270 --> 00:22:56.779
- Everybody else knew
what was wrong with me

00:22:56.780 --> 00:22:59.019
or knew that something was wrong with me.

00:22:59.020 --> 00:23:00.739
I\'m the only one that didn\'t think so.

00:23:00.740 --> 00:23:03.469
- If someone asked me how
my military service was,

00:23:03.470 --> 00:23:04.939
I would say its great.

00:23:04.940 --> 00:23:09.253
- I refused to admit that maybe I was lost.

00:23:09.254 --> 00:23:12.765
(low tense music)

00:23:12.766 --> 00:23:13.819
- [Woman] Its a sadness.

00:23:13.820 --> 00:23:15.859
The sadness grows behind your eyes,

00:23:15.860 --> 00:23:17.439
a pressure behind your eyes

00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:19.939
that feels like you cried for hours already

00:23:19.940 --> 00:23:22.355
and that only makes you want to cry.

00:23:22.356 --> 00:23:25.539
Its a sadness that makes you wonder why,

00:23:25.540 --> 00:23:27.683
why can\'t I just let go?

00:23:31.490 --> 00:23:35.640
- I think that a lot of reasons why

00:23:36.860 --> 00:23:41.209
veterans avoid healing

00:23:41.210 --> 00:23:44.230
and treatment is in part because

00:23:45.870 --> 00:23:49.809
that pain which is
associated with the memories

00:23:49.810 --> 00:23:52.129
and with the isolation and with all that

00:23:52.130 --> 00:23:55.629
can become a comfort.

00:23:55.630 --> 00:23:57.817
- Do you see a relationship
between the PTSD

00:23:57.818 --> 00:23:59.443
and grief?

00:23:59.444 --> 00:24:01.810
- In terms of veterans

00:24:03.000 --> 00:24:05.879
PTSD is grief

00:24:05.880 --> 00:24:10.199
and its almost hard sometimes

00:24:10.200 --> 00:24:13.019
to distinguish between grief

00:24:13.020 --> 00:24:18.020
for the people involved
in my traumatic event

00:24:19.990 --> 00:24:21.479
or just myself.

00:24:21.480 --> 00:24:24.849
- Do you ever go into a situation expecting

00:24:24.850 --> 00:24:25.933
to feel good?

00:24:28.290 --> 00:24:32.059
- There\'s this pervasive feeling

00:24:32.060 --> 00:24:34.699
of failure and helplessness

00:24:34.700 --> 00:24:39.289
which, you know, definitely is...

00:24:39.290 --> 00:24:40.319
- Now let me get this straight,

00:24:40.320 --> 00:24:43.143
you come back here,
you\'re about to graduate school,

00:24:43.144 --> 00:24:44.969
you\'re about to get into grad school,

00:24:44.970 --> 00:24:46.419
you\'ve gotten a lot of support for that

00:24:46.420 --> 00:24:48.120
and you\'re feeling like a failure?

00:24:50.070 --> 00:24:52.344
- Women are two to four times more likely

00:24:52.345 --> 00:24:55.188
to have post traumatic stress symptoms

00:24:55.189 --> 00:24:57.639
both in peace time and war time.

00:24:57.640 --> 00:25:00.909
So that indicates to me
that there\'s this certain

00:25:00.910 --> 00:25:02.229
sense of vulnerability

00:25:02.230 --> 00:25:06.679
and we look at the,
our women who go into the military,

00:25:06.680 --> 00:25:09.718
they\'re entering into
a male dominated field

00:25:09.719 --> 00:25:12.359
and one of the significant factors

00:25:12.360 --> 00:25:13.449
of post traumatic stress

00:25:13.450 --> 00:25:15.479
is a sense of personal safety.

00:25:15.480 --> 00:25:17.859
Does someone have my back?

00:25:17.860 --> 00:25:19.609
- Fighting with those stereotypes

00:25:19.610 --> 00:25:22.519
and fighting with the
predetermined outcomes

00:25:22.520 --> 00:25:25.604
that men always make, you know,

00:25:25.605 --> 00:25:29.169
you\'re no good for this job,
you\'re not strong enough,

00:25:29.170 --> 00:25:30.784
you shouldn\'t be in the Marine Corps.

00:25:30.785 --> 00:25:34.356
That can sometimes add another layer

00:25:34.357 --> 00:25:39.249
to the already normal
struggle of being overseas,

00:25:39.250 --> 00:25:40.643
of being in combat.

00:25:41.530 --> 00:25:44.664
- Not only are they dealing
with possibly combat trauma,

00:25:44.665 --> 00:25:48.009
but they\'re dealing with this other secret.

00:25:48.010 --> 00:25:51.159
- Before my 19th birthday, one of the NCOs

00:25:51.160 --> 00:25:53.119
in my unit raped me.

00:25:53.120 --> 00:25:56.001
I was transferred to Miesau Army Depot

00:25:56.002 --> 00:25:59.879
but when the unit required me to come back

00:25:59.880 --> 00:26:02.514
to our headquarters.

00:26:02.515 --> 00:26:05.079
Initially,
I thought it was going to be okay

00:26:05.080 --> 00:26:08.354
but maybe 30, 60 days later

00:26:08.355 --> 00:26:13.355
another NCO started making
sexual advances towards me.

00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:18.834
So it was touching or
blocking my entry or exit

00:26:18.835 --> 00:26:21.199
from doorways.

00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:22.769
There was always, you know,

00:26:22.770 --> 00:26:24.591
things that he said that were just,

00:26:24.592 --> 00:26:26.939
they were just those kind of things

00:26:26.940 --> 00:26:28.883
that were just inappropriate.

00:26:30.020 --> 00:26:33.209
I learned through Vetwow

00:26:33.210 --> 00:26:35.559
what military sexual trauma was.

00:26:35.560 --> 00:26:39.039
They kept asking me about MST

00:26:39.040 --> 00:26:41.089
and I didn\'t know what
they were talking about

00:26:41.090 --> 00:26:41.923
and they said,

00:26:41.924 --> 00:26:45.291
well have you ever had a, you know,

00:26:45.292 --> 00:26:47.939
someone sexually harass
you in the military?

00:26:47.940 --> 00:26:48.773
And I laughed.

00:26:48.774 --> 00:26:51.169
I said, like,

00:26:51.170 --> 00:26:52.130
I mean what are you saying?

00:26:52.131 --> 00:26:54.449
Like when I first got there or when I left?

00:26:54.450 --> 00:26:55.283
When, you know

00:26:55.284 --> 00:26:56.289
and she said,

00:26:56.290 --> 00:26:59.293
well you know, I think you
need to investigate that more.

00:27:00.432 --> 00:27:03.015
(serene music)

00:27:15.960 --> 00:27:20.049
I met Layla through a series of contacts

00:27:20.050 --> 00:27:22.373
using Facebook.

00:27:23.292 --> 00:27:24.625
Hey, girlfriend.

00:27:26.820 --> 00:27:29.939
- Sorry, I\'m late.
- You made it, you made it.

00:27:29.940 --> 00:27:32.449
So I got you these funky earrings.

00:27:32.450 --> 00:27:34.403
- Oh, I love funky earrings.

00:27:36.120 --> 00:27:37.610
I was the only female

00:27:37.611 --> 00:27:40.109
and I was shift leader.

00:27:40.110 --> 00:27:45.110
So not many males like to have
a female in charge of them.

00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:48.169
I kept turning him down,
like you know what I mean?

00:27:48.170 --> 00:27:49.812
He knew I was not interested in him,

00:27:49.813 --> 00:27:52.069
I he knew I was not interested in guys,

00:27:52.070 --> 00:27:53.509
you know what I mean?

00:27:53.510 --> 00:27:56.699
He kinda, to me, it was kind of more

00:27:56.700 --> 00:27:58.809
like a corrective rape type thing,

00:27:58.810 --> 00:27:59.643
you know what I mean?

00:27:59.644 --> 00:28:02.480
Like, oh I can make you turn

00:28:02.481 --> 00:28:06.089
into guys, you know what I mean,

00:28:06.090 --> 00:28:09.419
and that kind of, like,

00:28:09.420 --> 00:28:11.409
I mean, are guys stupid?

00:28:11.410 --> 00:28:12.739
I mean not trying to be,

00:28:12.740 --> 00:28:15.919
I mean is that really gonna
make me like men more?

00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:18.402
I mean, think about it.

00:28:18.403 --> 00:28:20.035
- Well I blamed myself.

00:28:20.036 --> 00:28:23.629
I thought,
I should have been better prepared

00:28:23.630 --> 00:28:25.689
because one, that\'s what they tell you.

00:28:25.690 --> 00:28:28.139
You come in,
we\'re gonna teach you everything.

00:28:28.140 --> 00:28:30.169
You\'re gonna be prepared for everything

00:28:30.170 --> 00:28:31.612
and you know there\'s not gonna be anything

00:28:31.613 --> 00:28:33.799
that you\'re not gonna be
able to handle, right?

00:28:33.800 --> 00:28:35.976
So okay, well now this dude did this to me

00:28:35.977 --> 00:28:37.679
and I wasn\'t able to handle it.

00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:39.719
- I mean, my weapon was right there

00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:41.530
you know what I mean?

00:28:41.531 --> 00:28:43.769
You think, you know, you overthink stuff,

00:28:43.770 --> 00:28:46.859
you go back, you go through it.

00:28:46.860 --> 00:28:49.199
- I thought it was my fault.

00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:51.707
- People say,
well why didn\'t you fight harder?

00:28:51.708 --> 00:28:54.419
I\'m like, if people would understand.

00:28:54.420 --> 00:28:56.653
Its not, its like the shock of it.

00:28:58.412 --> 00:29:00.289
You know, you don\'t expect it to happen.

00:29:00.290 --> 00:29:02.370
Especially if its somebody you...

00:29:03.730 --> 00:29:05.337
- You trust. - you trust.

00:29:05.338 --> 00:29:06.829
Its like, people, you know.

00:29:06.830 --> 00:29:08.690
In the military, you\'re told to

00:29:10.417 --> 00:29:12.529
they\'re your battle buddies.

00:29:12.530 --> 00:29:15.323
They\'re supposed to protect you.

00:29:16.800 --> 00:29:17.633
- Yeah.

00:29:17.634 --> 00:29:19.649
- And the worst thing that he did to me

00:29:19.650 --> 00:29:20.923
was say thank you.

00:29:22.660 --> 00:29:26.304
That was the worst thing he could ever done

00:29:26.305 --> 00:29:28.263
is those words.

00:29:31.286 --> 00:29:33.463
He made me feel so dirty.

00:29:35.380 --> 00:29:38.459
- I understand that feeling dirty,

00:29:38.460 --> 00:29:40.979
that like you\'re never clean,

00:29:40.980 --> 00:29:43.719
nothing you do will ever
make you clean enough

00:29:43.720 --> 00:29:46.299
to erase what happened.

00:29:46.300 --> 00:29:48.699
- Heres the thing that
also hurt me the most

00:29:48.700 --> 00:29:50.587
was when I tried to tell somebody.

00:29:50.588 --> 00:29:52.988
They just looked at me
like I was a dirty whore.

00:29:54.650 --> 00:29:55.759
- When you were in the service

00:29:55.760 --> 00:29:58.559
and you experienced an assault,

00:29:58.560 --> 00:30:00.279
you tried to report that?

00:30:00.280 --> 00:30:01.290
- I did report it

00:30:02.218 --> 00:30:03.639
and basically the outcome of it was

00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:04.901
that I was lying

00:30:04.902 --> 00:30:09.059
and was made to feel,
not only by the investigator,

00:30:09.060 --> 00:30:13.369
but by my unit that I was untrustworthy,

00:30:13.370 --> 00:30:15.239
that I lied about the whole situation.

00:30:15.240 --> 00:30:19.084
- My current NCO came to me and said

00:30:19.085 --> 00:30:21.039
you\'re going to be changing your shift.

00:30:21.040 --> 00:30:23.609
You\'re going on this sergeant shift.

00:30:23.610 --> 00:30:24.849
I just began to cry.

00:30:24.850 --> 00:30:29.019
I literally began to cry
like someone had died

00:30:29.020 --> 00:30:32.472
and they had never seen me ever that way

00:30:32.473 --> 00:30:35.729
and immediately they stopped everything

00:30:35.730 --> 00:30:36.563
that they were doing.

00:30:36.563 --> 00:30:37.550
They said, we got to deal with this,

00:30:37.551 --> 00:30:39.199
what\'s going on

00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:41.069
and I said, I can\'t work with him.

00:30:41.070 --> 00:30:45.249
He\'s, he\'s been, you know,

00:30:45.250 --> 00:30:47.049
troubling me sexually.

00:30:47.050 --> 00:30:48.819
I can\'t work with him

00:30:48.820 --> 00:30:50.944
and so they helped me,

00:30:50.945 --> 00:30:55.039
both of them helped me
to write out a complaint

00:30:55.040 --> 00:31:00.040
and went to,
and presented it to the command

00:31:00.390 --> 00:31:01.529
and they basically said,

00:31:01.530 --> 00:31:02.629
that I misunderstood him.

00:31:02.630 --> 00:31:06.339
- And the other one, the guy,

00:31:06.340 --> 00:31:09.199
he didn\'t get anything?

00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:11.963
- Then that\'s when the backlash happened.

00:31:12.870 --> 00:31:17.339
The people in my unit that
were friends to me before

00:31:17.340 --> 00:31:20.209
they began to, you know, questioned

00:31:20.210 --> 00:31:23.852
why I had ratted him out.

00:31:23.853 --> 00:31:25.759
- I ended up getting in trouble.

00:31:25.760 --> 00:31:27.619
- I can\'t say if I was hit,

00:31:27.620 --> 00:31:29.569
I can\'t say if I was pushed,

00:31:29.570 --> 00:31:31.619
I can\'t say if I just fell.

00:31:31.620 --> 00:31:34.579
All I know is that I ended up falling down

00:31:34.580 --> 00:31:36.939
a very big hill

00:31:36.940 --> 00:31:40.439
and hurting my back

00:31:40.440 --> 00:31:42.069
and hitting my head

00:31:42.070 --> 00:31:44.639
and injuring my knee and my leg.

00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:45.859
- I was very young

00:31:45.860 --> 00:31:48.579
and at the time still very naive

00:31:48.580 --> 00:31:51.239
and trusted in my superiors.

00:31:51.240 --> 00:31:54.639
- They stole the love of my friends

00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:57.759
and separated me from everyone.

00:31:57.760 --> 00:31:59.769
- So often times our females will come home

00:31:59.770 --> 00:32:01.469
from the combat zone

00:32:01.470 --> 00:32:04.379
having even just had combat trauma

00:32:04.380 --> 00:32:07.459
and then pile PT,
pile military sexual trauma

00:32:07.460 --> 00:32:08.293
on top of that.

00:32:08.294 --> 00:32:09.729
They don\'t want to be touched.

00:32:09.730 --> 00:32:12.059
So they\'re not available
for their children.

00:32:12.060 --> 00:32:14.409
So they start feeling guilty

00:32:14.410 --> 00:32:16.149
because they\'re not being the mother

00:32:16.150 --> 00:32:18.409
they were before they were deployed

00:32:18.410 --> 00:32:21.539
and they lose their sense
of purpose and meaning

00:32:21.540 --> 00:32:25.343
and so its a very devastating situation.

00:32:27.000 --> 00:32:29.403
- I just, I shut down.

00:32:30.410 --> 00:32:34.869
My life like totally ended.

00:32:34.870 --> 00:32:37.580
I was no longer Layla Mansberger,

00:32:37.581 --> 00:32:39.427
I was someone totally different.

00:32:40.430 --> 00:32:44.063
I haven\'t talked about it in therapy yet.

00:32:45.408 --> 00:32:46.724
- Wow.

00:32:46.725 --> 00:32:50.519
- It took me till this
year to say the word rape.

00:32:50.520 --> 00:32:51.520
- Wow.

00:32:54.730 --> 00:32:57.259
- It took me a long time
to want to go to therapy.

00:32:57.260 --> 00:33:00.569
It took a lot of oomph,

00:33:00.570 --> 00:33:04.339
personal strength to
realize that I didn\'t want

00:33:04.340 --> 00:33:06.499
to be like that anymore.

00:33:06.500 --> 00:33:10.049
I wanted to be able to
go out and enjoy life,

00:33:10.050 --> 00:33:11.573
not hide out in my apartment.

00:33:13.880 --> 00:33:16.812
I tell everybody

00:33:16.813 --> 00:33:19.059
that I have PTSD.

00:33:19.060 --> 00:33:21.479
I don\'t shy away from it.

00:33:21.480 --> 00:33:22.559
I\'m not ashamed of it.

00:33:22.560 --> 00:33:24.649
- In therapy, I began to understand

00:33:24.650 --> 00:33:28.039
that it was not my fault
that the rape happened.

00:33:28.040 --> 00:33:29.839
- And I learned that a lot of the things

00:33:29.840 --> 00:33:31.499
that I am going through are normal.

00:33:31.500 --> 00:33:33.239
- Rape is an act of violence.

00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:36.939
- And in my therapy I\'m
learning grounding techniques,

00:33:36.940 --> 00:33:38.670
so when I am in public

00:33:41.100 --> 00:33:43.719
I can use those techniques so that

00:33:43.720 --> 00:33:46.679
when I start to feel those anxious feelings

00:33:46.680 --> 00:33:48.079
I can control them.

00:33:48.080 --> 00:33:50.069
- Because there\'s mental anxiety

00:33:50.070 --> 00:33:52.029
and there\'s a physical anxiety that goes on

00:33:52.030 --> 00:33:53.559
with PTSD

00:33:53.560 --> 00:33:58.319
and so we would try to quiet
their internal anxiety down

00:33:58.320 --> 00:34:00.939
and grounding is extremely important.

00:34:00.940 --> 00:34:03.129
- For example, you\'re in an area

00:34:03.130 --> 00:34:05.249
where\'s there a crowd of people

00:34:05.250 --> 00:34:08.849
and instead of focusing
on the crowd of people

00:34:08.850 --> 00:34:11.658
you focus on well the weather is nice today

00:34:11.659 --> 00:34:14.069
and I\'m here doing this
today because of this

00:34:14.070 --> 00:34:15.939
and you just keep your mind moving.

00:34:15.940 --> 00:34:17.299
Its just like when you\'re exercising,

00:34:17.300 --> 00:34:19.629
you keep your legs going to
keep your muscles moving.

00:34:19.630 --> 00:34:21.919
You got to keep your brain moving.

00:34:21.920 --> 00:34:26.348
- Well I have been
trying to create mantras.

00:34:26.349 --> 00:34:28.453
- Good, affirmations? - Yes.

00:34:29.960 --> 00:34:31.809
You\'re strong, you\'re capable.

00:34:31.810 --> 00:34:34.195
- Great. - You can get through this.

00:34:34.196 --> 00:34:36.446
I\'ve even used. - Absolutely.

00:34:36.447 --> 00:34:39.009
- You know, you\'ve been to Iraq twice,

00:34:39.010 --> 00:34:39.949
this is nothing.

00:34:39.950 --> 00:34:44.949
- Its allowed me to be
in public around people

00:34:45.100 --> 00:34:46.939
and not freak out.

00:34:46.940 --> 00:34:51.339
- I definitely don\'t feel
anger in the same way

00:34:51.340 --> 00:34:52.239
that I used to.

00:34:52.240 --> 00:34:54.450
- Its all the work you\'ve been doing.

00:34:54.451 --> 00:34:58.920
- I think if there\'s anything
that does make me angry now

00:34:58.921 --> 00:35:03.921
the sense of being forgotten.

00:35:05.423 --> 00:35:06.844
- Being forgotten?

00:35:06.845 --> 00:35:09.980
- What we were supposedly
sent over to solve

00:35:10.986 --> 00:35:12.483
hasn\'t been solved.

00:35:14.183 --> 00:35:17.653
(somber piano music)

00:35:17.654 --> 00:35:18.487
- [Woman] Hold hands.

00:35:18.488 --> 00:35:20.049
- People ask me,
well if you known you were gonna

00:35:20.050 --> 00:35:21.849
get hurt and you known,

00:35:21.850 --> 00:35:24.719
absolutely would of done it again.

00:35:24.720 --> 00:35:25.830
Getting hurt, not fun

00:35:26.891 --> 00:35:28.993
but its a small price.

00:35:32.860 --> 00:35:36.109
- The buoy swung or
someone let go of a rope

00:35:36.110 --> 00:35:36.943
or something.

00:35:36.944 --> 00:35:39.039
She slammed into it and it
slammed her into the boat

00:35:39.040 --> 00:35:43.113
and caused neck and arm
pain and back problems.

00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:46.289
- That\'s the Vet center that I use.

00:35:46.290 --> 00:35:47.879
- She wasn\'t able to get
the medical attention

00:35:47.880 --> 00:35:50.333
she should have as quickly
as she should have.

00:35:52.070 --> 00:35:55.503
Which probably makes the
situation she\'s in now worse.

00:35:57.360 --> 00:35:59.879
She\'s always been incredibly driven,

00:35:59.880 --> 00:36:01.659
incredibly motivated

00:36:01.660 --> 00:36:04.653
and getting hurt,
just it totally derailed all that.

00:36:06.080 --> 00:36:08.079
To put it sort of into her own words.

00:36:08.080 --> 00:36:11.969
She couldn\'t even be a self
sufficient good housewife,

00:36:11.970 --> 00:36:14.423
mother, wife to me.

00:36:20.900 --> 00:36:22.939
So she started to really withdraw

00:36:22.940 --> 00:36:24.679
and not want to go out in public,

00:36:24.680 --> 00:36:27.289
not want to be the focus of attention

00:36:27.290 --> 00:36:31.559
cause at 25 years old
she started to become,

00:36:31.560 --> 00:36:33.063
why does that girl have a limp?

00:36:34.203 --> 00:36:36.578
(cheering)

00:36:36.579 --> 00:36:37.829
- Sooner, heel.

00:36:40.929 --> 00:36:42.012
Sooner, heel.

00:36:45.683 --> 00:36:46.766
That\'s a boy.

00:36:50.380 --> 00:36:51.380
Good job.

00:36:52.470 --> 00:36:54.720
(cheering)

00:36:56.683 --> 00:36:58.419
have my husband take a different role

00:36:58.420 --> 00:37:00.537
and have to throw me over his shoulder

00:37:00.538 --> 00:37:02.138
cause I can\'t get up the stairs.

00:37:04.700 --> 00:37:06.139
When I have to ask him for help

00:37:06.140 --> 00:37:07.589
to get on and off the bathroom

00:37:07.590 --> 00:37:09.120
on days that I\'m not walking

00:37:10.060 --> 00:37:12.389
impacts your life and impacts your family,

00:37:12.390 --> 00:37:14.039
impacts that relationship because

00:37:14.040 --> 00:37:15.109
I don\'t want my husband

00:37:15.110 --> 00:37:18.403
to have to be my,

00:37:21.360 --> 00:37:23.847
caretaker, like that\'s not...

00:37:27.060 --> 00:37:29.663
That\'s not what you sign up for.

00:37:30.530 --> 00:37:31.530
You ready?

00:37:32.290 --> 00:37:33.290
Stairs.

00:37:34.202 --> 00:37:35.573
Wait, ready, let\'s go.

00:37:36.820 --> 00:37:37.820
That\'s my boy.

00:37:39.281 --> 00:37:40.516
Okay.

00:37:40.517 --> 00:37:41.921
Let\'s go.

00:37:41.922 --> 00:37:44.584
(somber piano music)

00:37:44.585 --> 00:37:45.585
Let\'s go.

00:37:47.917 --> 00:37:49.661
Wanna go do laundry?

00:37:49.662 --> 00:37:51.462
Let\'s do laundry.

00:37:51.463 --> 00:37:53.520
Yes, let\'s go do some laundry.

00:37:57.690 --> 00:37:58.690
Tug.

00:38:00.050 --> 00:38:01.293
Thank you.

00:38:02.240 --> 00:38:05.269
To me, being pumped with pain medication

00:38:05.270 --> 00:38:10.270
and anxiety medication
was a defeat in my eyes

00:38:10.340 --> 00:38:12.339
because I was a strong person

00:38:12.340 --> 00:38:15.913
and if I was so strong,
then why did I need medication?

00:38:15.914 --> 00:38:18.259
Nice job, shut the door for me.

00:38:18.260 --> 00:38:19.549
Thank you.

00:38:19.550 --> 00:38:24.550
Having him,
he sensed the panic attack coming on

00:38:24.589 --> 00:38:28.769
jumped up on me, I was laying in bed,

00:38:28.770 --> 00:38:33.039
laid on me until it subsided and got down.

00:38:33.040 --> 00:38:35.884
I didn\'t have to take any panic medicine,

00:38:35.885 --> 00:38:39.745
like I was just able to just relax

00:38:39.746 --> 00:38:42.699
let it go by, pet him.

00:38:42.700 --> 00:38:45.929
He\'s very calm,
kissed my face a couple times

00:38:45.930 --> 00:38:48.993
but like, to me that\'s a gift.

00:38:50.600 --> 00:38:52.910
- I\'m upset, she says.

00:38:52.911 --> 00:38:55.963
Just so easy to cuddle up to.

00:38:57.180 --> 00:38:58.160
Sit, sit, sit.

00:38:58.161 --> 00:39:00.689
Here, look we\'re gonna be on camera.

00:39:00.690 --> 00:39:01.523
I know you hate taking pictures,

00:39:01.524 --> 00:39:02.873
I know you hate posing, but.

00:39:04.237 --> 00:39:06.820
(serene music)

00:39:08.820 --> 00:39:12.270
Sometimes I think she
waits for me to drop stuff.

00:39:12.271 --> 00:39:13.611
Good girl.

00:39:13.612 --> 00:39:14.969
Good girl.

00:39:14.970 --> 00:39:16.699
I go to bed, which I normally do

00:39:16.700 --> 00:39:18.439
when I do feel really bad.

00:39:18.440 --> 00:39:20.319
She jumps up there,

00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:22.509
she gets right beside me like a person.

00:39:22.510 --> 00:39:24.269
Even though I can\'t talk to Lyla

00:39:24.270 --> 00:39:27.549
and Lyla really understand what I\'m saying,

00:39:27.550 --> 00:39:28.693
I think she feels it.

00:39:29.680 --> 00:39:32.909
(serene music)

00:39:32.910 --> 00:39:34.944
- Tell your dog to close the cabinet.

00:39:34.945 --> 00:39:36.112
- Close. - No.

00:39:37.954 --> 00:39:39.944
- Paws, that\'s right.

00:39:39.945 --> 00:39:40.989
- And the thing that hit the hardest was.

00:39:40.990 --> 00:39:42.299
- Let\'s go.

00:39:42.300 --> 00:39:44.159
- She said that I\'m so proud of you

00:39:44.160 --> 00:39:48.007
because now that I know
that you\'re getting Sooner,

00:39:48.008 --> 00:39:51.309
when I\'m in school, I know you\'ll be safe.

00:39:51.310 --> 00:39:53.109
Like, how does a six year old

00:39:53.110 --> 00:39:56.049
have the weight of the
world on her shoulders

00:39:56.050 --> 00:39:59.687
and know that that was her worry

00:39:59.688 --> 00:40:04.079
and that her worry was being answered.

00:40:04.080 --> 00:40:06.163
It just, cool.

00:40:07.340 --> 00:40:08.623
- Lay down, lay down.

00:40:10.540 --> 00:40:13.239
God said to Noah,
I have decided to put an end

00:40:13.240 --> 00:40:14.799
to all living creatures.

00:40:14.800 --> 00:40:16.859
- Its taken a toll on our marriage,

00:40:16.860 --> 00:40:19.151
every way, physical, mental,

00:40:19.152 --> 00:40:21.901
and you know our two kids, you know,

00:40:21.902 --> 00:40:26.247
got to stay strong for them, so.

00:40:26.248 --> 00:40:29.629
I think we\'re more friends now

00:40:29.630 --> 00:40:34.290
than the marriage couple, perceived.

00:40:35.769 --> 00:40:38.352
(serene music)

00:40:46.060 --> 00:40:47.399
- those are messed up.

00:40:47.400 --> 00:40:51.369
- Yeah and she\'s already shrunk
from this size right here,

00:40:51.370 --> 00:40:53.089
so. - That\'s where I lost weight.

00:40:53.090 --> 00:40:54.819
- So she\'s got to go get new.

00:40:54.820 --> 00:40:57.179
- Still believe they hired
this guy off the street.

00:40:57.180 --> 00:40:59.769
Guess he knew nothing about
prosthetics whatsoever,

00:40:59.770 --> 00:41:01.769
working for the VA.

00:41:01.770 --> 00:41:03.829
I brought in a pair of prosthetics

00:41:03.830 --> 00:41:07.229
that I\'ve used at (mumbles) for two years,

00:41:07.230 --> 00:41:09.410
knowing how they fight
and knowing how they work

00:41:09.411 --> 00:41:13.229
and he decided that I didn\'t need

00:41:13.230 --> 00:41:16.625
this valve release back here for the air

00:41:16.626 --> 00:41:19.339
and you can\'t wear these
without the valve release

00:41:19.340 --> 00:41:20.779
or they fall off your leg.

00:41:20.780 --> 00:41:22.369
He\'s like, no you\'ll be able to wear em.

00:41:22.370 --> 00:41:23.290
I\'m like, no I will not.

00:41:23.291 --> 00:41:24.529
They will fall off my leg

00:41:24.530 --> 00:41:25.780
as soon as I put them on.

00:41:26.640 --> 00:41:27.799
You know?

00:41:27.800 --> 00:41:29.959
And so then he makes me these pin lock,

00:41:29.960 --> 00:41:31.829
a pin lock system

00:41:31.830 --> 00:41:34.569
and they just totally messed up my legs.

00:41:34.570 --> 00:41:36.739
- So we got nervous

00:41:36.740 --> 00:41:38.209
because if you get an infection put in

00:41:38.210 --> 00:41:39.559
you have to go back to the hospital.

00:41:39.560 --> 00:41:41.196
So she... - They\'ll take more leg off.

00:41:41.197 --> 00:41:43.439
- She had to put bandages around it

00:41:43.440 --> 00:41:47.349
and then we had a fight with the VA.

00:41:47.350 --> 00:41:50.209
- With problems with the
VA, that\'s the other site

00:41:50.210 --> 00:41:52.382
that we have where we talk about

00:41:52.383 --> 00:41:55.489
challenges that we have with the VA.

00:41:55.490 --> 00:41:57.639
Things that aren\'t necessarily going right,

00:41:57.640 --> 00:41:59.310
things that we want to go right.

00:41:59.311 --> 00:42:01.119
- Upset. - I\'m so over being told

00:42:01.120 --> 00:42:03.778
that women are new to the VA system, BS.

00:42:03.779 --> 00:42:05.379
My other big problem

00:42:05.380 --> 00:42:07.399
is that there only counselor
- I just feel that

00:42:07.400 --> 00:42:08.300
we are the forgotten vets.

00:42:08.300 --> 00:42:09.150
- Centers in this area.
- I\'ve heard about the ogling

00:42:09.151 --> 00:42:12.209
from men veterans and experienced it.

00:42:12.210 --> 00:42:15.198
- It just shows me that
women are not a priority.

00:42:15.199 --> 00:42:17.212
- When you\'re by yourself,
you think you\'re the only one

00:42:17.213 --> 00:42:19.809
but when you have women getting together

00:42:19.810 --> 00:42:22.657
you find out that,
wow our stories are similar.

00:42:22.658 --> 00:42:25.867
Then you have an impact.

00:42:25.868 --> 00:42:28.451
(upbeat music)

00:42:42.302 --> 00:42:45.160
- If they could get cure close on

00:42:45.161 --> 00:42:47.093
on a fee basis

00:42:47.094 --> 00:42:49.694
that it may be better for them

00:42:49.695 --> 00:42:54.695
to try and make the law as best.

00:42:55.871 --> 00:42:58.529
- I finally get to meet you.
- Hi, tell me about yourself.

00:42:58.530 --> 00:43:00.039
- I\'m a veteran.

00:43:00.040 --> 00:43:01.993
I had some injuries,

00:43:03.260 --> 00:43:05.839
post traumatic stress from
military sexual trauma

00:43:05.840 --> 00:43:09.529
and I run a few networks online

00:43:09.530 --> 00:43:12.999
on the Facebook and May
and things like that,

00:43:13.000 --> 00:43:16.409
talking to other veteran women

00:43:16.410 --> 00:43:19.479
and just trying to give support online.

00:43:19.480 --> 00:43:21.259
- Well good for you.

00:43:21.260 --> 00:43:23.309
Women stay silent in the background

00:43:23.310 --> 00:43:26.269
and they use the word veteran reluctantly.

00:43:26.270 --> 00:43:27.619
- Reluctantly. - So thank you

00:43:27.620 --> 00:43:29.629
for putting it out there
and reminding people

00:43:29.630 --> 00:43:32.109
that women are veterans, served honorably

00:43:32.110 --> 00:43:33.969
and they deserve support

00:43:33.970 --> 00:43:35.814
particularly for the type
of issues that they face.

00:43:35.815 --> 00:43:37.237
So thank you. - Thank you so much.

00:43:37.238 --> 00:43:39.431
Can I give you a hug?

00:43:39.432 --> 00:43:41.093
Thank you so much.

00:43:41.094 --> 00:43:43.677
(upbeat music)

00:43:46.235 --> 00:43:47.267
- [Woman] Just a thought.

00:43:47.268 --> 00:43:48.101
I have, could be it.

00:43:48.102 --> 00:43:49.559
- [Woman] Talk with Bill.

00:43:49.560 --> 00:43:50.945
He\'s in our communications.

00:43:50.946 --> 00:43:52.731
- That would be. - he\'s more.

00:43:52.732 --> 00:43:55.457
- [Woman] That would
be like really amazing.

00:43:55.458 --> 00:43:57.149
(upbeat music)

00:43:57.150 --> 00:43:59.009
- I post a lot of things on Facebook

00:43:59.010 --> 00:44:01.359
and talk to a lot of veteran women

00:44:01.360 --> 00:44:03.199
who are wanting to know

00:44:03.200 --> 00:44:04.899
when certain things will change.

00:44:04.900 --> 00:44:07.439
Like they would like to have

00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:09.119
you know, separate entries.

00:44:09.120 --> 00:44:10.719
- Hi, Cameron, this is Gigi calling

00:44:10.720 --> 00:44:12.239
from the Seattle VA woman\'s clinic

00:44:12.240 --> 00:44:13.359
confirming your appointment.

00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:15.439
- [Woman] Privacy,
I think privacy is the biggest issue

00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:17.489
in patient and out patient.

00:44:17.490 --> 00:44:19.040
- Alright, you have a good day.

00:44:20.950 --> 00:44:23.649
- I think having to walk
through predominately

00:44:23.650 --> 00:44:25.299
male parts of the hospital,

00:44:25.300 --> 00:44:27.439
that\'s part of why we have
the clinic right at the front

00:44:27.440 --> 00:44:29.249
so that women can come right in.

00:44:29.250 --> 00:44:31.239
- One of the things you\'ll
notice from the outside

00:44:31.240 --> 00:44:32.839
is that you can\'t see in

00:44:32.840 --> 00:44:34.159
and that\'s very intentional.

00:44:34.160 --> 00:44:36.344
Light comes in but people can\'t look in.

00:44:36.345 --> 00:44:38.739
So separate waiting room for women

00:44:38.740 --> 00:44:41.011
which was very important for our patients.

00:44:41.012 --> 00:44:44.683
This hallway is used for
nothing but woman\'s clinic.

00:44:45.670 --> 00:44:47.689
- There was an issue with not being able

00:44:47.690 --> 00:44:49.319
to find a woman\'s bathroom.

00:44:49.320 --> 00:44:50.955
- We have a list of things that make,

00:44:50.956 --> 00:44:52.739
exam room curtain.

00:44:52.740 --> 00:44:54.499
- The way this is designed is for there

00:44:54.500 --> 00:44:56.824
to be enough room behind here

00:44:56.825 --> 00:44:59.609
for the woman to change.

00:44:59.610 --> 00:45:01.869
- Locks on doors and bedrooms.

00:45:01.870 --> 00:45:05.149
- Exam tables should not be facing the door

00:45:05.150 --> 00:45:06.859
for obvious reasons.

00:45:06.860 --> 00:45:08.969
- Because everyone who comes to the VA

00:45:08.970 --> 00:45:12.399
needs to feel that its private, dignified.

00:45:12.400 --> 00:45:14.319
- We\'re trying to make
this a comfortable place

00:45:14.320 --> 00:45:16.938
that they want to come and feel safe in.

00:45:16.939 --> 00:45:18.604
A lot of them have had

00:45:18.605 --> 00:45:21.749
traumatic experiences in the military

00:45:21.750 --> 00:45:26.239
and are pretty reticent about
being around men, anyway.

00:45:26.240 --> 00:45:28.009
- Hey, Angela. - Hi.

00:45:28.010 --> 00:45:29.159
It did make a huge difference

00:45:29.160 --> 00:45:30.409
when I first started coming here

00:45:30.410 --> 00:45:32.479
and the fact that it was all women

00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:34.219
and it was a woman that checked you in,

00:45:34.220 --> 00:45:35.609
it was a woman that did your vitals,

00:45:35.610 --> 00:45:37.447
it was a woman provider that you saw

00:45:37.448 --> 00:45:38.889
that made a huge difference

00:45:38.890 --> 00:45:42.549
cause at the time,
I didn\'t want to say anything to men.

00:45:42.550 --> 00:45:44.742
- If a woman veteran comes into the VA

00:45:44.743 --> 00:45:48.500
and for some reason or
another she\'s not happy

00:45:48.501 --> 00:45:51.089
with the services she received,

00:45:51.090 --> 00:45:52.279
what should she do?

00:45:52.280 --> 00:45:54.639
- I think that she should immediately

00:45:54.640 --> 00:45:56.799
contact the woman veteran program manager.

00:45:56.800 --> 00:45:57.633
- Why don\'t we check you in

00:45:57.634 --> 00:46:00.122
and then I\'ll go let them
know that you\'re here.

00:46:00.123 --> 00:46:01.209
- Every VA hospital is mandated

00:46:01.210 --> 00:46:03.849
to have what\'s called a woman
veterans program manager

00:46:03.850 --> 00:46:05.249
which is what I am.

00:46:05.250 --> 00:46:07.059
We all work full time now

00:46:07.060 --> 00:46:08.897
devoted just to woman\'s health.

00:46:08.898 --> 00:46:10.579
Advocating for women,

00:46:10.580 --> 00:46:11.799
overseeing the program.

00:46:11.800 --> 00:46:13.775
So wherever a woman veteran goes,

00:46:13.776 --> 00:46:17.817
there is someone to help advocate for her.

00:46:17.818 --> 00:46:19.589
She just has to know about that

00:46:19.590 --> 00:46:21.228
and know how to get to them.

00:46:21.229 --> 00:46:22.389
- How you doing? - I\'m doing fine.

00:46:22.390 --> 00:46:24.179
You checking in for your
appointment with Dr. Bradly

00:46:24.180 --> 00:46:25.013
on today?

00:46:25.014 --> 00:46:27.506
- You get to chose the
gender of your provider here.

00:46:27.507 --> 00:46:30.809
- Good to see you. - Good to see you, too.

00:46:30.810 --> 00:46:34.259
Five years ago of all the woman veterans

00:46:34.260 --> 00:46:35.789
who were eligible to come to the VA,

00:46:35.790 --> 00:46:37.912
this is nationally the VA,

00:46:37.913 --> 00:46:40.211
only 15% did.

00:46:40.212 --> 00:46:45.099
Now the present war,
more than 40% of the women

00:46:45.100 --> 00:46:47.241
who are eligible are coming in.

00:46:47.242 --> 00:46:50.679
The figures show us that the population

00:46:50.680 --> 00:46:53.231
of woman veterans is going to double

00:46:53.232 --> 00:46:55.586
in the next five years.

00:46:55.587 --> 00:46:58.170
(serene music)

00:47:05.270 --> 00:47:07.839
- So many choices.

00:47:07.840 --> 00:47:08.840
This way.

00:47:11.760 --> 00:47:12.803
Hey floor surfer.

00:47:15.400 --> 00:47:16.563
Let\'s go get a carrot.

00:47:18.100 --> 00:47:19.283
Maybe a cucumber?

00:47:24.649 --> 00:47:25.649
Uh oh.

00:47:27.960 --> 00:47:29.019
Oh. - Here you go.

00:47:29.020 --> 00:47:30.952
- Thank you very much. - You\'re welcome.

00:47:30.953 --> 00:47:33.823
- Sometimes people are
awesome and want to help.

00:47:34.773 --> 00:47:36.259
He thinks your handsome.

00:47:36.260 --> 00:47:38.609
There was one place that I walked into

00:47:38.610 --> 00:47:40.809
and it was very nice that they had a sign

00:47:40.810 --> 00:47:42.551
that said service dogs permitted

00:47:42.552 --> 00:47:45.429
and that same institution I walked in

00:47:45.430 --> 00:47:46.394
and got screamed at

00:47:46.395 --> 00:47:48.549
with this woman screaming at me,

00:47:48.550 --> 00:47:50.239
no dogs, no dogs!

00:47:50.240 --> 00:47:51.210
And I kept on walking,

00:47:51.211 --> 00:47:52.559
I said yes dogs.

00:47:52.560 --> 00:47:54.539
He\'s a service dog, he\'s wearing his vest,

00:47:54.540 --> 00:47:55.470
he\'s working.

00:47:55.471 --> 00:47:56.935
- Just going out in public.

00:47:56.936 --> 00:48:00.619
You got to be aware that a lot of people

00:48:00.620 --> 00:48:02.993
aren\'t used to seeing service dogs.

00:48:04.660 --> 00:48:06.099
What\'s that dog doing in here?

00:48:06.100 --> 00:48:08.620
Dogs don\'t belong in stores.

00:48:08.621 --> 00:48:10.002
- What kind of dog?

00:48:10.003 --> 00:48:12.034
- She\'s a service animal.

00:48:12.035 --> 00:48:14.136
- Okay.

00:48:14.137 --> 00:48:15.637
- And she\'s not for the blind.

00:48:16.563 --> 00:48:17.837
- Okay, see that\'s only ones

00:48:17.838 --> 00:48:19.349
(mumbles) that we would allow to have in.

00:48:19.350 --> 00:48:20.749
- So you would kick somebody out

00:48:20.750 --> 00:48:22.989
if they had one come in here?

00:48:22.990 --> 00:48:24.189
- If we knew what it was for.

00:48:24.190 --> 00:48:26.939
I mean, if you can tell me
what\'s the dogs helping with...

00:48:26.940 --> 00:48:30.349
- A disability,
that\'s all I\'m required to tell you.

00:48:30.350 --> 00:48:32.630
- Its been a law since 1990

00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:36.629
and really like, he\'s just standing there,

00:48:36.630 --> 00:48:37.889
look at him.

00:48:37.890 --> 00:48:38.890
He\'s not doing anything.

00:48:39.660 --> 00:48:41.041
So at that point,

00:48:41.042 --> 00:48:41.875
you just have to sit there

00:48:41.876 --> 00:48:43.509
and you\'re like, I\'m getting yelled at

00:48:43.510 --> 00:48:45.439
and screamed at and spit on

00:48:45.440 --> 00:48:46.609
by this person,

00:48:46.610 --> 00:48:47.949
do I really want to go in?

00:48:47.950 --> 00:48:52.199
But the principle of it is, yeah.

00:48:52.200 --> 00:48:53.899
A sniffer dog.

00:48:53.900 --> 00:48:55.059
You ready?

00:48:55.060 --> 00:48:56.060
Let\'s go.

00:48:59.206 --> 00:49:00.546
- That is one beautiful dog.

00:49:00.547 --> 00:49:01.941
- Thank you.

00:49:01.942 --> 00:49:02.775
His name is Sooner.

00:49:02.776 --> 00:49:03.789
- Sooner? - Yeah.

00:49:03.790 --> 00:49:06.040
Like he likes to do
things sooner than later.

00:49:07.850 --> 00:49:09.449
He\'s given me independence

00:49:09.450 --> 00:49:12.169
and with some independence you regain

00:49:12.170 --> 00:49:13.453
some of your self esteem.

00:49:18.040 --> 00:49:20.089
- Now with my dog and I, we\'ve been able

00:49:20.090 --> 00:49:22.279
to actually change prosthetic codes,

00:49:22.280 --> 00:49:23.699
start new house resolutions

00:49:23.700 --> 00:49:24.533
that are going to be able to help

00:49:24.534 --> 00:49:26.049
our veterans that are
going to be coming home

00:49:26.050 --> 00:49:28.059
even 11 years from now.

00:49:28.060 --> 00:49:29.929
- Its a honor to meet you. - Its an honor

00:49:29.930 --> 00:49:30.763
to meet you, too.

00:49:30.764 --> 00:49:32.199
- Cause I haven\'t done
nearly nothing like that.

00:49:32.200 --> 00:49:33.579
- Well yeah but you haven\'t,

00:49:33.580 --> 00:49:34.630
you\'re just starting.

00:49:35.960 --> 00:49:36.793
Right?

00:49:36.793 --> 00:49:37.793
- I\'m trying.

00:49:40.727 --> 00:49:43.120
I am a double amputee,
I have prosthetic legs

00:49:43.121 --> 00:49:46.449
so for them to say that Lyla,

00:49:46.450 --> 00:49:48.529
they acknowledge Lyla that you know,

00:49:48.530 --> 00:49:50.579
she\'s a piece of prosthetic
device for me now

00:49:50.580 --> 00:49:52.579
so if they don\'t allow her,

00:49:52.580 --> 00:49:54.373
so why allow me legs, too?

00:49:55.276 --> 00:49:57.859
(serene music)

00:50:07.550 --> 00:50:10.103
- What happened was, I got led to a female

00:50:10.104 --> 00:50:13.249
homeless counselor.

00:50:13.250 --> 00:50:15.669
The Jericho Project with Michelle Weiss,

00:50:15.670 --> 00:50:17.369
is pretty much you get free furniture,

00:50:17.370 --> 00:50:18.939
the only thing they want from you

00:50:18.940 --> 00:50:23.489
is to either be in school

00:50:23.490 --> 00:50:26.180
or in an active job search program.

00:50:33.531 --> 00:50:34.627
- You have a place to live,

00:50:34.628 --> 00:50:37.593
so I think you\'re moving
in the right direction.

00:50:38.600 --> 00:50:40.989
- People come up to me and they salute

00:50:40.990 --> 00:50:42.900
or they, oh thank you for your service

00:50:42.901 --> 00:50:43.734
or this that and a third,

00:50:43.735 --> 00:50:44.899
its like, oh, you know,

00:50:44.900 --> 00:50:46.449
like I didn\'t, I don\'t feel like

00:50:46.450 --> 00:50:48.389
as if I did anything to deserve that

00:50:48.390 --> 00:50:50.539
because there\'s other people
out there that actually,

00:50:50.540 --> 00:50:51.659
you know what I\'m saying?

00:50:51.660 --> 00:50:53.807
Went to the front lines, females,

00:50:53.808 --> 00:50:56.779
you know like the military police.

00:50:56.780 --> 00:50:58.729
- No matter what your job is,

00:50:58.730 --> 00:51:01.039
when you\'re in the
military, we\'re all equal

00:51:01.040 --> 00:51:02.282
and its okay to be humble

00:51:02.283 --> 00:51:04.753
but you still deserve your benefits.

00:51:05.656 --> 00:51:08.239
(serene music)

00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:13.470
- Feels so comfortable.

00:51:13.471 --> 00:51:14.839
No more twin bed.

00:51:14.840 --> 00:51:16.079
No more twin bed.

00:51:16.080 --> 00:51:19.329
- This is like a graduation launch thing.

00:51:19.330 --> 00:51:20.586
Okay ready guys?

00:51:20.587 --> 00:51:21.420
- Yeah. - Yeah.

00:51:21.421 --> 00:51:22.789
- And now. - Well your supposed

00:51:22.790 --> 00:51:24.719
to put the point in the middle

00:51:24.720 --> 00:51:26.479
and its about a half an inch from the brow

00:51:26.480 --> 00:51:29.219
which from my marine corps days

00:51:29.220 --> 00:51:32.718
its just two fingers from the brow.

00:51:32.719 --> 00:51:36.052
(pomp and circumstance)

00:51:38.990 --> 00:51:42.110
- Mariette Kalinowski is extraordinary.

00:51:42.111 --> 00:51:44.339
She excelled in school

00:51:44.340 --> 00:51:46.239
but the life outside of the classroom

00:51:46.240 --> 00:51:47.809
was more difficult.

00:51:47.810 --> 00:51:51.439
Mariette was suffering from
post traumatic stress disorder,

00:51:51.440 --> 00:51:54.229
she felt alone and
overwhelmed by the pressures

00:51:54.230 --> 00:51:55.949
of civilian life

00:51:55.950 --> 00:51:58.529
but Mariette soon learned
about a program in Hunter

00:51:58.530 --> 00:52:00.739
to help returning vets make the transition

00:52:00.740 --> 00:52:01.919
to college.

00:52:01.920 --> 00:52:03.699
She was relieved to meet others going

00:52:03.700 --> 00:52:05.919
through the same challenges.

00:52:05.920 --> 00:52:08.239
So Mariette dedicated herself to starting

00:52:08.240 --> 00:52:09.905
a veterans club in Hunter.

00:52:09.906 --> 00:52:12.156
(applause)

00:52:14.132 --> 00:52:16.339
Mariette will continue
to care for the future

00:52:16.340 --> 00:52:17.679
as a mentor to veterans.

00:52:17.680 --> 00:52:20.469
She will also help make life an easier

00:52:20.470 --> 00:52:22.099
for other women in the military

00:52:22.100 --> 00:52:24.777
by writing fiction based on her experiences

00:52:24.778 --> 00:52:27.923
after she earns a creative writing MFA.

00:52:27.924 --> 00:52:30.929
(cheering)

00:52:30.930 --> 00:52:32.179
- [Woman] Why can\'t I just say

00:52:32.180 --> 00:52:34.949
that I don\'t want to
think about it anymore.

00:52:34.950 --> 00:52:37.166
I don\'t want to remember
the wide open spaces

00:52:37.167 --> 00:52:40.317
and such opposition to the
crammed geometry of the city,

00:52:40.318 --> 00:52:42.609
the flat plains and the sand

00:52:42.610 --> 00:52:45.257
a huge that made me feel so small

00:52:45.258 --> 00:52:47.138
and we were all just.

00:52:47.139 --> 00:52:50.889
(overlapping narration)

00:52:50.890 --> 00:52:53.605
- [Woman] Why can\'t I just let go?

00:52:53.606 --> 00:52:54.847
- [Woman] Its a sadness
that makes you wonder why

00:52:54.848 --> 00:52:56.954
why can\'t I just let go?

00:52:56.955 --> 00:52:58.258
(overlapping narration)

00:52:58.259 --> 00:52:59.319
Why can\'t I just say that I don\'t want

00:52:59.320 --> 00:53:01.339
to think about it anymore.

00:53:01.340 --> 00:53:03.739
I don\'t want to remember
the wide open spaces

00:53:03.740 --> 00:53:07.129
in such opposition to the
crammed geometry of the city,

00:53:07.130 --> 00:53:08.889
the flat plains of endless sand

00:53:08.890 --> 00:53:11.939
and huge sky that made me feel so small.

00:53:11.940 --> 00:53:13.800
- [Woman] Ants, ants.

00:53:13.801 --> 00:53:15.815
Colossal ant hill

00:53:15.816 --> 00:53:18.676
and man we\'re we small.

00:53:18.677 --> 00:53:20.668
- [Woman] But its a sadness
that drags you down.

00:53:20.669 --> 00:53:22.629
Down. - But stand when

00:53:22.630 --> 00:53:23.719
it was all finished.
- When the weight moves

00:53:23.720 --> 00:53:26.188
into your belly and builds.

00:53:26.189 --> 00:53:29.017
- [Woman] And look at
the shadows on the sand.

00:53:29.018 --> 00:53:31.601
(somber music)

00:53:48.196 --> 00:53:50.113
- [Woman] Welcome home.

00:53:54.572 --> 00:53:55.655
Welcome home.

00:53:56.749 --> 00:53:59.416
(woman humming)

00:54:05.542 --> 00:54:06.625
Welcome home.

00:54:12.370 --> 00:54:15.703
(upbeat marching music)

00:55:21.542 --> 00:55:25.363
- [Announcer] Visit us
at servicethefilm.com.

00:55:26.980 --> 00:55:30.943
To purchase a DVD go to Women Make Movies.