00:00:09.520 --> 00:00:11.330
Funding for the
following program

00:00:11.330 --> 00:00:14.792
was provided by the
Lillian Lincoln Foundation.

00:00:14.792 --> 00:00:17.990
[MUSIC PLAYING]

00:00:31.390 --> 00:00:33.590
Boys are on fire.

00:00:33.590 --> 00:00:35.950
They are burning.

00:00:35.950 --> 00:00:38.210
You see them almost
turned inside out,

00:00:38.210 --> 00:00:42.120
as if somehow some
thinning of the skin

00:00:42.120 --> 00:00:46.065
occurs and they become
the tortured evidence

00:00:46.065 --> 00:00:48.720
of the culture they grew up in.

00:00:48.720 --> 00:00:51.840
They're the symptom, or they're
the bearers of the symptom.

00:00:54.660 --> 00:00:57.500
Lately, we've seen a
spate of school shootings

00:00:57.500 --> 00:01:00.220
people say they can't
possibly understand.

00:01:00.220 --> 00:01:02.455
What scares people is they
look like-- some of them--

00:01:02.455 --> 00:01:03.670
the boy next door.

00:01:03.670 --> 00:01:08.110
And they look like the boy
next door because they are.

00:01:08.110 --> 00:01:10.450
The number one question
is about how do I

00:01:10.450 --> 00:01:12.660
get my son to talk to me?

00:01:12.660 --> 00:01:15.060
You tell me when you're hungry.

00:01:15.060 --> 00:01:17.490
And I can feed you.

00:01:17.490 --> 00:01:20.000
The most important thing
you'll ever be able to do

00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:22.434
is communicate your emotions.

00:01:22.434 --> 00:01:24.850
But if there are no men around
in my household to do that,

00:01:24.850 --> 00:01:26.683
then that makes things
a little bit tougher.

00:01:26.683 --> 00:01:29.325
And I've got to find
external examples of manhood.

00:01:29.325 --> 00:01:31.500
And if those external
examples of manhood

00:01:31.500 --> 00:01:34.610
happen to be the drug
dealer on the corner,

00:01:34.610 --> 00:01:38.490
then I'm gonna have a
tougher time becoming a man.

00:01:38.490 --> 00:01:40.460
It's hard work.

00:01:40.460 --> 00:01:43.580
And they have to be able to call
on something inside themselves.

00:01:43.580 --> 00:01:45.370
And if they don't
know what's inside,

00:01:45.370 --> 00:01:48.150
if they haven't felt it,
if it's not clear to them,

00:01:48.150 --> 00:01:49.430
they don't want to go there.

00:01:49.430 --> 00:01:50.050
I don't blame them.

00:01:50.050 --> 00:01:50.550
It's scary.

00:01:53.180 --> 00:01:55.560
One, two, three, go!

00:01:58.430 --> 00:02:01.770
How do boys become men?

00:02:01.770 --> 00:02:05.080
How do they learn
courage, the difference

00:02:05.080 --> 00:02:10.400
between right and wrong,
the meaning of love?

00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:13.730
What hurts them,
makes them violent,

00:02:13.730 --> 00:02:17.360
and sometimes kills them?

00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:19.480
How do we see them?

00:02:19.480 --> 00:02:21.845
How do we talk with them?

00:02:21.845 --> 00:02:25.680
How can we help them?

00:02:25.680 --> 00:02:28.040
This is a program
about growing up

00:02:28.040 --> 00:02:31.290
male in America,
from the playground

00:02:31.290 --> 00:02:34.730
to the playing field,
from the family circle

00:02:34.730 --> 00:02:38.075
to the community stage,
boys will be men.

00:02:48.260 --> 00:02:53.600
[CARTOONS PLAYING ON TV]

00:02:53.600 --> 00:02:56.270
What is the model
of manhood that boys

00:02:56.270 --> 00:02:58.150
learn at an early age?

00:03:01.820 --> 00:03:04.970
We asked some students
in an unlearning violence

00:03:04.970 --> 00:03:07.670
program for ex-offenders.

00:03:07.670 --> 00:03:10.025
In high school, I pumped iron.

00:03:10.025 --> 00:03:12.740
I played football, basketball.

00:03:12.740 --> 00:03:16.720
Also, I had to be very
tough, physically tough,

00:03:16.720 --> 00:03:19.470
by punching them out,
wrestling, getting

00:03:19.470 --> 00:03:24.030
into fights to prove that I was
stronger than my classmates.

00:03:24.030 --> 00:03:28.630
I have like this mechanism where
I'll take it to a higher level

00:03:28.630 --> 00:03:29.429
than you will.

00:03:29.429 --> 00:03:31.220
So when I was a kid,
I would get in fights.

00:03:31.220 --> 00:03:34.610
And if I lose a fight,
I just go get a stick,

00:03:34.610 --> 00:03:38.460
because I will take it
up another notch somehow.

00:03:38.460 --> 00:03:43.100
The boyhood message to be tough,
to be dominant, takes a toll.

00:03:43.100 --> 00:03:47.170
It cuts down men's capacity
to experience intimacy

00:03:47.170 --> 00:03:49.450
and a full range of emotions.

00:03:49.450 --> 00:03:51.220
Boys don't cry, right?

00:03:51.220 --> 00:03:53.270
I was told that boys don't cry.

00:03:53.270 --> 00:03:55.054
And a lot of times
for me, I didn't even

00:03:55.054 --> 00:03:56.220
want to fill those feelings.

00:03:56.220 --> 00:03:57.428
I didn't want to feel afraid.

00:03:57.428 --> 00:03:59.550
I didn't want to feel
scared of anything.

00:03:59.550 --> 00:04:01.220
And the best thing
for me to do was just

00:04:01.220 --> 00:04:04.590
to stuff those emotions
and not to feel them.

00:04:04.590 --> 00:04:06.930
I didn't notice
that about myself

00:04:06.930 --> 00:04:09.060
until I spent two
years in Vietnam.

00:04:09.060 --> 00:04:10.670
I was a medic there.

00:04:10.670 --> 00:04:12.630
And I never cried.

00:04:12.630 --> 00:04:16.910
I was a medic with people dying
on me with a hand shot off

00:04:16.910 --> 00:04:19.620
or a hole in their gut,
and I wouldn't cry.

00:04:19.620 --> 00:04:21.040
I wouldn't have any emotion.

00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:23.680
And I got all these
medals and these awards

00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:27.700
and these certificates that says
I was a damn good army medic,

00:04:27.700 --> 00:04:29.470
because I was cool under fire.

00:04:29.470 --> 00:04:32.830
And I didn't realize how
cold I was until I got home

00:04:32.830 --> 00:04:36.420
and I saw this Life
magazine photo journal.

00:04:36.420 --> 00:04:39.650
And it showed a
medic who's crying,

00:04:39.650 --> 00:04:44.580
because the guy he was
trying to save had died.

00:04:44.580 --> 00:04:46.750
20 years later, I had
to deal with the emotion

00:04:46.750 --> 00:04:49.350
inside, because I
couldn't continue my life

00:04:49.350 --> 00:04:57.045
just being cold, just not
reacting and not caring.

00:04:57.045 --> 00:05:00.482
[CRYING]

00:05:05.150 --> 00:05:07.390
Where does it start?

00:05:07.390 --> 00:05:10.710
At what point do we begin
to give boys and girls

00:05:10.710 --> 00:05:13.469
different messages about
their emotional responses

00:05:13.469 --> 00:05:14.010
to the world?

00:05:17.090 --> 00:05:21.230
At birth, boy babies
are more emotive,

00:05:21.230 --> 00:05:24.220
some would say more empathic,
and more expressive than girl

00:05:24.220 --> 00:05:25.640
babies are.

00:05:25.640 --> 00:05:29.290
And by the time they enter the
second or third grade, teachers

00:05:29.290 --> 00:05:32.205
and parents say they can't read
the emotions on a boy's face.

00:05:39.890 --> 00:05:44.250
So somewhere around the ages of
three and four to five and six,

00:05:44.250 --> 00:05:50.310
boys are prematurely pushed
into what I call "the boy code."

00:05:50.310 --> 00:05:53.920
And put most simply, that's
the code that tells boys

00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:56.275
that they should stand
on their own two feet,

00:05:56.275 --> 00:06:00.410
cut mommy's apron strings,
and to a large extent,

00:06:00.410 --> 00:06:03.370
be an independent
person way before it's

00:06:03.370 --> 00:06:07.610
possible to really achieve that.

00:06:07.610 --> 00:06:08.918
Come on, Marquis.

00:06:08.918 --> 00:06:09.906
Come on, John!

00:06:09.906 --> 00:06:11.388
Come on!

00:06:11.388 --> 00:06:14.352
[SHOUTING]

00:06:17.330 --> 00:06:19.810
For me, the story of boys'
emotional development

00:06:19.810 --> 00:06:22.110
is the story of loss.

00:06:22.110 --> 00:06:24.200
I believe boys
are systematically

00:06:24.200 --> 00:06:27.020
emotionally miseducated
and steered away

00:06:27.020 --> 00:06:29.160
from having an inner life.

00:06:29.160 --> 00:06:32.650
Fathers will have very different
and much warmer and emotional

00:06:32.650 --> 00:06:34.290
conversations with
girls than they

00:06:34.290 --> 00:06:36.690
do with sons, where they
tend to have something that's

00:06:36.690 --> 00:06:39.480
clipped and brusque
and more utilitarian

00:06:39.480 --> 00:06:43.500
and doesn't speak
to the inner life.

00:06:43.500 --> 00:06:45.880
The challenges on
the road to manhood

00:06:45.880 --> 00:06:49.770
multiply when boys begin school.

00:06:49.770 --> 00:06:52.650
At this age, most are
more physically active

00:06:52.650 --> 00:06:55.130
and expressive than girls.

00:06:55.130 --> 00:06:58.710
This leads to conflict.

00:06:58.710 --> 00:07:03.620
So a lot of boys look around and
say, what is this school thing?

00:07:03.620 --> 00:07:04.825
The game is rigged.

00:07:04.825 --> 00:07:07.204
It's a place run
by women for girls.

00:07:07.204 --> 00:07:09.620
And the girls are good at it,
and we're always in trouble.

00:07:12.570 --> 00:07:13.070
Hello.

00:07:13.070 --> 00:07:13.660
Because--

00:07:13.660 --> 00:07:14.960
You're wild.

00:07:14.960 --> 00:07:16.410
Because, um, because--

00:07:16.410 --> 00:07:20.790
You have to have places where
boys can burn up their energy

00:07:20.790 --> 00:07:24.950
and run around and not be
constantly getting into trouble

00:07:24.950 --> 00:07:27.990
and not being constantly
shamed for just being boys.

00:07:31.540 --> 00:07:34.180
Every boy has to somehow
learn to start controlling

00:07:34.180 --> 00:07:36.300
and managing themselves
in a structure that's

00:07:36.300 --> 00:07:38.900
not natural to them
and isn't meshed

00:07:38.900 --> 00:07:41.000
with the kind of movement
they like at that age.

00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:44.310
So when I do have
a child like that,

00:07:44.310 --> 00:07:47.820
I really try and
personalize it with him,

00:07:47.820 --> 00:07:49.820
so that I can
whisper in his ear,

00:07:49.820 --> 00:07:51.870
I know this is hard for you.

00:07:51.870 --> 00:07:54.000
But this is the rules
of the game here.

00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:56.790
And so I hope to try and
respect and honor and let

00:07:56.790 --> 00:07:58.435
him know that how
he's feeling is OK.

00:08:02.964 --> 00:08:04.740
Lace, ribbons, oh--

00:08:04.740 --> 00:08:09.730
At this age, most boys lag
behind girls in reading.

00:08:09.730 --> 00:08:13.770
If parents and teachers don't
accept this gap as normal,

00:08:13.770 --> 00:08:17.270
their reactions can actually
threaten the boys' self-esteem

00:08:17.270 --> 00:08:18.510
and ability to learn.

00:08:21.110 --> 00:08:25.960
We're beginning to define
boy behavior as pathological

00:08:25.960 --> 00:08:28.190
and call it attention
deficit disorder.

00:08:28.190 --> 00:08:31.510
And our need to
turn our children

00:08:31.510 --> 00:08:34.460
into high-performance
academic machines

00:08:34.460 --> 00:08:37.950
real early is a mistake.

00:08:37.950 --> 00:08:40.120
It's hard work to learn to read.

00:08:40.120 --> 00:08:43.602
And so you have to create
that feeling at the level

00:08:43.602 --> 00:08:46.060
where they are, which means
they may just read for a minute

00:08:46.060 --> 00:08:47.101
the words that they love.

00:08:47.101 --> 00:08:49.190
And you have to cheer
for them, because that's

00:08:49.190 --> 00:08:51.134
as far as they could get.

00:08:51.134 --> 00:08:52.550
But then you also
have to remember

00:08:52.550 --> 00:08:55.040
they have to be at grade
level by the end of the year,

00:08:55.040 --> 00:08:58.500
or as close as you can get
them, or that gap begins.

00:08:58.500 --> 00:09:02.160
And the gap is a problem for the
rest of their academic career.

00:09:05.280 --> 00:09:09.690
Boys' lagging verbal skills,
combined with the boy code's

00:09:09.690 --> 00:09:12.860
warning against showing
vulnerable emotions,

00:09:12.860 --> 00:09:15.670
hinders their ability
to identify emotions

00:09:15.670 --> 00:09:17.790
in themselves and others.

00:09:20.890 --> 00:09:24.390
Understanding this,
teachers like Jamie Carlson

00:09:24.390 --> 00:09:27.960
make a point of teaching the
language of human emotions

00:09:27.960 --> 00:09:31.706
along with reading,
writing, and arithmetic.

00:09:31.706 --> 00:09:33.740
Take a look at this one.

00:09:33.740 --> 00:09:36.410
All you see is this face.

00:09:36.410 --> 00:09:38.930
What does this face have to say?

00:09:38.930 --> 00:09:40.380
How's his mouth shaped?

00:09:40.380 --> 00:09:45.560
Can you guys make your
mouths make that sad face?

00:09:45.560 --> 00:09:48.470
I now know that my job is
much larger and much more

00:09:48.470 --> 00:09:51.370
important than just the
delivery of the curriculum,

00:09:51.370 --> 00:09:55.100
and that to help the children
understand themselves

00:09:55.100 --> 00:09:57.770
and their feelings and
their place and relationship

00:09:57.770 --> 00:10:00.430
to other people is critical.

00:10:00.430 --> 00:10:04.135
So I almost see it now as the
precursor to the academic work

00:10:04.135 --> 00:10:05.010
that has to get done.

00:10:16.418 --> 00:10:21.620
As boys get older, media
reinforces aggression, even

00:10:21.620 --> 00:10:24.925
brutality, as a key
part of male identity.

00:10:27.600 --> 00:10:31.130
If a boy express weak
or vulnerable emotions,

00:10:31.130 --> 00:10:35.170
he risks becoming a target of
what Michael Thompson calls

00:10:35.170 --> 00:10:38.280
"a culture of cruelty."

00:10:38.280 --> 00:10:40.230
That culture of
cruelty is comprised

00:10:40.230 --> 00:10:43.870
of boys attacking one another
for anything that they

00:10:43.870 --> 00:10:46.270
think is not masculine.

00:10:46.270 --> 00:10:48.790
And what a boy is hearing
is that he's constantly

00:10:48.790 --> 00:10:53.960
on notice from other boys to
prove that he's masculine,

00:10:53.960 --> 00:10:56.180
to prove that he's
strong, to look strong.

00:11:01.220 --> 00:11:05.623
What boys then hone in on
is each other's masculinity.

00:11:09.560 --> 00:11:11.320
They attack in
each other anything

00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:14.472
that appears tender,
compassionate,

00:11:14.472 --> 00:11:21.990
caring, by calling each
other "faggot" and "gay."

00:11:21.990 --> 00:11:24.220
People, like, tease
me, because they say

00:11:24.220 --> 00:11:26.055
I'm gay because of my hair cut.

00:11:26.055 --> 00:11:29.210
But instead of saying,
oh, man, that sucks.

00:11:29.210 --> 00:11:30.520
I say, oh, man, that's gay.

00:11:30.520 --> 00:11:34.090
It's like, oh, man, dude, I
don't like those sneakers.

00:11:34.090 --> 00:11:35.940
I think they're gay.

00:11:35.940 --> 00:11:37.700
It's like, it's a sneaker.

00:11:37.700 --> 00:11:42.020
How can a sneaker be gay?

00:11:42.020 --> 00:11:47.590
By high school, many accept
bullying as a part of survival.

00:11:47.590 --> 00:11:51.990
If you can throw balls at
another kid and if you can make

00:11:51.990 --> 00:11:55.780
him feel bad about himself, then
he's almost out of the game,

00:11:55.780 --> 00:11:56.350
so to speak.

00:11:56.350 --> 00:11:59.000
That's one less person you
have to worry about being ahead

00:11:59.000 --> 00:11:59.501
of you.

00:11:59.501 --> 00:12:01.166
That's one less person
you have to worry

00:12:01.166 --> 00:12:02.740
about getting a
better job than you,

00:12:02.740 --> 00:12:04.800
getting into the school
you want to go to.

00:12:04.800 --> 00:12:06.510
And we learn at an early age.

00:12:06.510 --> 00:12:08.222
And it really does ever stop.

00:12:08.222 --> 00:12:10.555
You know, it's a way of actual,
like, social interaction

00:12:10.555 --> 00:12:13.680
and just gaining respect.

00:12:13.680 --> 00:12:15.550
And it inflates my ego.

00:12:15.550 --> 00:12:18.110
And it feels
strange saying this,

00:12:18.110 --> 00:12:22.760
but I feel good about
myself when I do it.

00:12:22.760 --> 00:12:26.990
Recent studies in the United
States show that 80% of boys

00:12:26.990 --> 00:12:30.630
say they tease, harass,
and sometimes threaten

00:12:30.630 --> 00:12:33.090
other students.

00:12:33.090 --> 00:12:36.930
And once you find that being
angry and harassing others

00:12:36.930 --> 00:12:38.812
works for you, and you're
reinforced for that

00:12:38.812 --> 00:12:40.270
and you become
popular, then you're

00:12:40.270 --> 00:12:43.750
more likely to continue
to do that behavior.

00:12:43.750 --> 00:12:44.930
I was in the gym.

00:12:44.930 --> 00:12:48.330
And one boy, who I know
doesn't have many friends

00:12:48.330 --> 00:12:53.870
and I watch him get ostracized
by the other people,

00:12:53.870 --> 00:12:58.020
they all started throwing
their balls at him.

00:12:58.020 --> 00:12:59.920
Afterwards, he started crying.

00:12:59.920 --> 00:13:02.440
And he was trying not to
show me that he was crying.

00:13:02.440 --> 00:13:06.450
And I overheard the boys who'd
been throwing the balls at them

00:13:06.450 --> 00:13:09.490
later saying, blah, blah,
blah was crying after.

00:13:09.490 --> 00:13:10.350
That's so wack.

00:13:10.350 --> 00:13:12.020
That's so dumb, you know?

00:13:12.020 --> 00:13:15.200
And I said to one of the
quote, "popular" boys

00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:18.630
after, I said why is it so
hard for you to just be nice?

00:13:18.630 --> 00:13:21.780
It's just like a
guy thing, I guess.

00:13:21.780 --> 00:13:26.020
When they see, like,
somebody that doesn't fit in.

00:13:26.020 --> 00:13:31.525
And if they can exploit it, if
they can kind of manipulate it

00:13:31.525 --> 00:13:33.150
and play with it for
a little and then,

00:13:33.150 --> 00:13:36.820
like, kill it and eat
it, and then that's it.

00:13:36.820 --> 00:13:38.930
We've all bullied
somebody at some point,

00:13:38.930 --> 00:13:41.235
whether it's our little
brother or somebody at school.

00:13:41.235 --> 00:13:43.410
It's just a natural action.

00:13:47.370 --> 00:13:49.690
Is bullying natural?

00:13:49.690 --> 00:13:53.110
The psychologists we
talked to don't think so.

00:13:53.110 --> 00:13:58.270
When adults define it
as natural, inevitable,

00:13:58.270 --> 00:14:01.370
or a good part of what
turns boys into men,

00:14:01.370 --> 00:14:03.450
then there's no
break on the process.

00:14:03.450 --> 00:14:04.580
There's no restraint.

00:14:04.580 --> 00:14:07.930
I mean, people have to
say this is cruelty.

00:14:18.490 --> 00:14:20.860
The boy code and
the cultural cruelty

00:14:20.860 --> 00:14:25.052
dominate the experience of
growing up male in America.

00:14:25.052 --> 00:14:26.445
But what is the alternative?

00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:32.010
How can we challenge boys to
accept the responsibilities

00:14:32.010 --> 00:14:35.880
of adulthood without cruelty
or a rigid definition of what

00:14:35.880 --> 00:14:37.485
it takes to be a man?

00:14:43.425 --> 00:14:47.040
In the rest of this
program, we go to two places

00:14:47.040 --> 00:14:53.140
where we can actually witness
boys change, grow, and discover

00:14:53.140 --> 00:14:54.390
something of their inner life.

00:14:57.080 --> 00:14:59.960
The mentors who guide
them aren't their parents.

00:14:59.960 --> 00:15:03.290
And yet they bring to their
work the skills and insights

00:15:03.290 --> 00:15:04.540
of conscious parenting.

00:15:12.380 --> 00:15:15.610
This SUWS program in Idaho
is a wilderness course

00:15:15.610 --> 00:15:18.610
for youth in trouble.

00:15:18.610 --> 00:15:22.410
Parents send their kids here
because of drugs, depression,

00:15:22.410 --> 00:15:25.840
and out of control behavior.

00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:28.930
But at the heart of things,
the youth we get to know here

00:15:28.930 --> 00:15:33.260
are just like any boy at the
crossroads for whom growing up

00:15:33.260 --> 00:15:36.071
seems suddenly overwhelming

00:15:36.071 --> 00:15:37.710
Here are your boots.

00:15:37.710 --> 00:15:38.940
I'm trying to get up.

00:15:38.940 --> 00:15:39.710
Up out of bed.

00:15:42.570 --> 00:15:43.070
Tim.

00:15:43.070 --> 00:15:43.570
Yeah?

00:15:43.570 --> 00:15:46.430
Time to get up.

00:15:46.430 --> 00:15:49.790
Getting dressed.

00:15:49.790 --> 00:15:51.880
This is crazy,
because, like, I've

00:15:51.880 --> 00:15:57.720
never been out camping, first
of all, when it's this cold.

00:15:57.720 --> 00:16:02.370
It's just kind of, like,
scary, the whole sleeping spot.

00:16:02.370 --> 00:16:05.190
And plus I had to sleep,
like, way away from everybody.

00:16:05.190 --> 00:16:09.815
It looks like there'd be like
bears out here or something.

00:16:09.815 --> 00:16:11.540
I don't know.

00:16:11.540 --> 00:16:15.390
Like wolves and coyotes
or something, you know?

00:16:15.390 --> 00:16:21.100
I've never seen-- what
is this, you know?

00:16:21.100 --> 00:16:25.960
I kept waking up last name
just because it was so cold.

00:16:25.960 --> 00:16:30.540
Learned how to fold up
our blankets, our tarps.

00:16:30.540 --> 00:16:31.980
Waste of time.

00:16:31.980 --> 00:16:34.632
Pissed off that I'm down here.

00:16:34.632 --> 00:16:38.326
It's not really
getting me anywhere.

00:16:38.326 --> 00:16:40.100
It gets real
frustrating for kids,

00:16:40.100 --> 00:16:42.660
because we don't give
them a lot of information.

00:16:42.660 --> 00:16:45.660
We give them the
necessities and teach them

00:16:45.660 --> 00:16:47.880
the basic skills of survival.

00:16:47.880 --> 00:16:50.020
But they get very
frustrated quite quickly.

00:16:50.020 --> 00:16:55.070
And our instructors are there to
help deflect those frustrations

00:16:55.070 --> 00:16:58.730
and help direct them
in a positive way.

00:16:58.730 --> 00:17:01.295
This might be the hardest
thing ever do in your life.

00:17:01.295 --> 00:17:02.670
If you want to do
it, if you want

00:17:02.670 --> 00:17:06.068
to get through here, if you want
to get something out of this,

00:17:06.068 --> 00:17:07.359
we're gonna see you through it.

00:17:07.359 --> 00:17:08.780
We're gonna make
sure you get there.

00:17:08.780 --> 00:17:10.405
But you have to want
it for yourselves.

00:17:10.405 --> 00:17:12.089
Here at SUWS, all
of our instructors

00:17:12.089 --> 00:17:15.030
live exactly like
the students do.

00:17:15.030 --> 00:17:17.810
And they model what
our expectations

00:17:17.810 --> 00:17:21.230
are of the kids in the field.

00:17:21.230 --> 00:17:24.880
The expectations are
simple-- namely that boys

00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:28.260
learn to take care of themselves
and others in the desert

00:17:28.260 --> 00:17:29.510
environment.

00:17:29.510 --> 00:17:32.166
Again, right here you want
to get it super tight.

00:17:32.166 --> 00:17:36.005
It's called an S knot, so
it acts like an S. See that?

00:17:36.005 --> 00:17:36.590
Yup.

00:17:36.590 --> 00:17:38.720
Yeah.

00:17:38.720 --> 00:17:41.620
[INAUDIBLE] helping
me be a better camper,

00:17:41.620 --> 00:17:43.120
but that's about it.

00:17:43.120 --> 00:17:43.930
This is not me.

00:17:43.930 --> 00:17:46.990
This not what I do.

00:17:46.990 --> 00:17:50.322
I'm more of a city
person, you know.

00:17:50.322 --> 00:17:53.245
Catch a cab or do
something like that.

00:17:53.245 --> 00:17:57.630
I don't hike and walk
through the woods.

00:17:57.630 --> 00:17:59.070
[SIGH]

00:18:04.940 --> 00:18:07.110
All I want to do
is just go home.

00:18:07.110 --> 00:18:10.660
I'm tired of being around all
these people I don't know.

00:18:10.660 --> 00:18:14.800
Tired of being told what to
do by complete strangers.

00:18:14.800 --> 00:18:16.920
And I just don't
think I'm going to be

00:18:16.920 --> 00:18:18.872
able to make it three weeks.

00:18:18.872 --> 00:18:22.820
You gonna carry
that for me, too?

00:18:22.820 --> 00:18:25.290
We're gonna have to make
this beast every single day?

00:18:56.166 --> 00:18:59.154
Todd, rise and shine.

00:18:59.154 --> 00:19:00.648
Time to get up now.

00:19:03.636 --> 00:19:05.130
Wake up, Todd.

00:19:08.200 --> 00:19:11.510
We all of us have our
own responsibilities now.

00:19:11.510 --> 00:19:13.620
Like, I have the
morning responsibility

00:19:13.620 --> 00:19:17.650
to get everybody
up, everybody ready.

00:19:17.650 --> 00:19:20.230
And then there's someone
else that gets afternoon.

00:19:20.230 --> 00:19:22.710
When we get to a campsite,
someone else that

00:19:22.710 --> 00:19:24.760
organizes there.

00:19:24.760 --> 00:19:25.700
Somebody does evening.

00:19:29.190 --> 00:19:31.570
The second week is
about what can I

00:19:31.570 --> 00:19:34.760
do to be a supportive
member of a family, which

00:19:34.760 --> 00:19:36.580
is a real challenge
for most of these kids

00:19:36.580 --> 00:19:39.820
because they've been the
outcasts in their families.

00:19:39.820 --> 00:19:42.190
For one of the first
times in a long while,

00:19:42.190 --> 00:19:43.890
they're able to be
a supportive member.

00:19:46.670 --> 00:19:49.270
We've just been
through a lot more now.

00:19:49.270 --> 00:19:51.950
It's been really hard.

00:19:51.950 --> 00:19:53.860
You really rely on
yourself out here.

00:19:53.860 --> 00:19:55.460
You know what I'm saying?

00:19:55.460 --> 00:19:59.910
If you don't get a fire going,
you go hungry and you're cold.

00:19:59.910 --> 00:20:04.922
We don't start the fires with
matches or lighters, which

00:20:04.922 --> 00:20:07.345
I always thought was
the only way, you know.

00:20:07.345 --> 00:20:09.710
But, like, when
you get it yourself

00:20:09.710 --> 00:20:11.700
without any matches
or any help, it's

00:20:11.700 --> 00:20:14.480
just like a pretty big
accomplishment, you know.

00:20:14.480 --> 00:20:17.378
And you feel-- you're
like, yeah, you know?

00:20:17.378 --> 00:20:19.850
[LAUGHS] Oh.

00:20:27.626 --> 00:20:29.570
[INAUDIBLE] weekend
[INAUDIBLE] break?

00:20:29.570 --> 00:20:32.500
Yeah.

00:20:32.500 --> 00:20:36.890
What's interesting to observe
is that the adults' expectations

00:20:36.890 --> 00:20:39.880
of the boys to
achieve certain tasks

00:20:39.880 --> 00:20:43.070
have become the boys
expectations of themselves

00:20:43.070 --> 00:20:47.170
and of each other
The same process

00:20:47.170 --> 00:20:49.830
is occurring and
other aspects of life,

00:20:49.830 --> 00:20:52.752
like facing up to the past.

00:20:52.752 --> 00:20:55.310
Did the going to
jail concern you,

00:20:55.310 --> 00:20:57.820
or did you think it
would really happen?

00:20:57.820 --> 00:21:00.160
You never think it would
happen until it does.

00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:01.350
Yeah.

00:21:01.350 --> 00:21:04.890
And when it did, I was shocked.

00:21:04.890 --> 00:21:08.300
And I get out, I was shocked,
but then I went right back.

00:21:08.300 --> 00:21:10.405
And then I got busted again.

00:21:10.405 --> 00:21:13.450
And I'm here.

00:21:13.450 --> 00:21:16.080
Well, I started getting
heavy into drugs

00:21:16.080 --> 00:21:18.085
when I was in the fifth grade.

00:21:18.085 --> 00:21:20.540
It was always about the drugs.

00:21:20.540 --> 00:21:26.690
Even in school, I was blitzed
off my mind sitting in class.

00:21:26.690 --> 00:21:30.680
And all the other kids,
they'd come up to me,

00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:33.450
and Taylor can you get me
this, can you get me that?

00:21:33.450 --> 00:21:35.900
Sure, give me the money first.

00:21:35.900 --> 00:21:38.040
We can judge for
ourselves when--

00:21:38.040 --> 00:21:40.090
During the second
week, some boys

00:21:40.090 --> 00:21:42.632
get the news that they
won't be going home.

00:21:42.632 --> 00:21:43.810
What did you do about that?

00:21:43.810 --> 00:21:46.450
Taylor's field
supervisor, Dennis,

00:21:46.450 --> 00:21:48.760
has advised Taylor's
parents to send him

00:21:48.760 --> 00:21:51.770
to a boarding school, a
structured environment

00:21:51.770 --> 00:21:54.360
away from his drug contacts.

00:21:54.360 --> 00:21:58.850
Today, it was just
bad news all around.

00:21:58.850 --> 00:22:03.370
I fear that I'm gonna be sent to
a boarding school for the rest

00:22:03.370 --> 00:22:04.900
of my high school years.

00:22:04.900 --> 00:22:07.320
And I'm gonna be by myself.

00:22:07.320 --> 00:22:10.190
And I'm not gonna be
around the people I love.

00:22:10.190 --> 00:22:12.210
I'm not gonna have
any motivation.

00:22:12.210 --> 00:22:14.160
When you talk about
the people you love,

00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:16.530
how would they have
known that you loved them

00:22:16.530 --> 00:22:17.510
before you came here?

00:22:27.870 --> 00:22:28.670
I don't know.

00:22:28.670 --> 00:22:32.264
How did you know
that they loved you?

00:22:32.264 --> 00:22:35.830
If I had a problem with
homework or something,

00:22:35.830 --> 00:22:39.050
my dad would be the first one at
the kitchen counter to help me.

00:22:39.050 --> 00:22:43.060
And we'd stay up all night
and he wouldn't complain.

00:22:43.060 --> 00:22:44.610
So he'd give you his time.

00:22:44.610 --> 00:22:45.110
Mhm.

00:22:45.110 --> 00:22:47.420
That's a big one.

00:22:47.420 --> 00:22:48.940
Yeah.

00:22:48.940 --> 00:22:53.460
What would you express
or let them know?

00:22:53.460 --> 00:22:56.570
I've changed.

00:22:56.570 --> 00:22:59.010
I'm not the person
they remember.

00:22:59.010 --> 00:23:00.990
Yeah.

00:23:00.990 --> 00:23:03.446
Why would they believe you?

00:23:03.446 --> 00:23:04.660
I'm their son.

00:23:07.810 --> 00:23:11.170
I hope the kids will understand
better what love means.

00:23:11.170 --> 00:23:13.620
And it's not just saying
it, but it's actually

00:23:13.620 --> 00:23:18.510
the considerations and how much
we consider the impact of what

00:23:18.510 --> 00:23:19.760
we do on other people.

00:23:19.760 --> 00:23:21.636
I feel like a girl right now.

00:23:24.390 --> 00:23:30.480
What's changed is I've realized
how badly I was screwing up

00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:33.950
and how badly I've been
pissing people off who I love.

00:23:37.300 --> 00:23:39.535
It's been a long morning.

00:23:39.535 --> 00:23:42.782
I know that some of you are
dealing with some hard news

00:23:42.782 --> 00:23:43.360
right now.

00:23:43.360 --> 00:23:47.024
So remember that you have
a family here for you.

00:23:47.024 --> 00:23:48.690
Taylor, you especially
right now I think

00:23:48.690 --> 00:23:50.234
could use the support
of this family.

00:23:50.234 --> 00:23:51.150
Ask for what you need.

00:24:09.320 --> 00:24:13.380
Taylor isn't the only one
who was having problems.

00:24:13.380 --> 00:24:17.380
Matt is the victim of repeated
teasing and harassment from one

00:24:17.380 --> 00:24:20.440
of the boys.

00:24:20.440 --> 00:24:22.275
Chad is his
persistent tormentor.

00:24:25.210 --> 00:24:26.060
Honest mistake.

00:24:26.060 --> 00:24:27.060
Your mistake.

00:24:27.060 --> 00:24:28.360
Don't drag me into it.

00:24:28.360 --> 00:24:29.740
Yes, my honest mistake.

00:24:29.740 --> 00:24:36.540
Basically, the whole trip I was
picking on this one kid Matt.

00:24:36.540 --> 00:24:40.910
Dennis takes Chad's
bullying seriously.

00:24:40.910 --> 00:24:44.390
He pulls him out of
the family for 24 hours

00:24:44.390 --> 00:24:47.050
and asks him to reflect
on what he is doing.

00:24:55.510 --> 00:24:57.870
We have to help the
bully to understand

00:24:57.870 --> 00:25:01.760
that the way they're handling
their feelings is unacceptable,

00:25:01.760 --> 00:25:05.960
but more importantly
is hurtful to another.

00:25:05.960 --> 00:25:09.780
When I had all that time
to think in IG, instead

00:25:09.780 --> 00:25:13.700
of getting mad and flipping
out and throwing something

00:25:13.700 --> 00:25:18.770
like I always used to do,
I cried like a little baby.

00:25:18.770 --> 00:25:20.290
I was just crying.

00:25:20.290 --> 00:25:23.340
I've never cried that hard
in my life, seriously.

00:25:23.340 --> 00:25:28.600
It was weird, because I felt bad
for me treating him like that.

00:25:28.600 --> 00:25:29.670
And I was just like, man.

00:25:29.670 --> 00:25:32.360
It was like an itch
I couldn't scratch.

00:25:32.360 --> 00:25:33.790
I was just like--

00:25:33.790 --> 00:25:36.320
And you take a kid
who's been bullying

00:25:36.320 --> 00:25:38.630
and you sit with him long
enough and talk about it,

00:25:38.630 --> 00:25:40.280
he'll start to cry.

00:25:40.280 --> 00:25:44.335
Then you get to the deepest
aspect, which is his own pain.

00:25:44.335 --> 00:25:46.210
And then you can work
with that and teach him

00:25:46.210 --> 00:25:49.100
other ways to handle the pain.

00:25:49.100 --> 00:25:53.960
I got out of my shelter
and wrote the kid a note.

00:25:53.960 --> 00:25:55.510
I mean, it feels good, though.

00:25:55.510 --> 00:26:01.010
I feel, like, good about feeling
bad for people, you know.

00:26:01.010 --> 00:26:04.590
The discipline of holding boys
accountable for their actions

00:26:04.590 --> 00:26:06.815
in the family has an
extraordinary impact

00:26:06.815 --> 00:26:10.545
when its done in a framework
of honest care and concern.

00:26:20.980 --> 00:26:23.710
With boys, we so
often punish them.

00:26:23.710 --> 00:26:25.390
And we call that discipline.

00:26:25.390 --> 00:26:27.002
That's not true discipline.

00:26:27.002 --> 00:26:29.040
The original meaning
of discipline

00:26:29.040 --> 00:26:31.750
is to make somebody
your disciple.

00:26:31.750 --> 00:26:34.950
You actually want
to have someone

00:26:34.950 --> 00:26:39.090
follow in your footsteps
and emulate your values.

00:26:39.090 --> 00:26:43.395
That's, to my way of
thinking, real discipline.

00:26:53.130 --> 00:26:55.800
At the end of the
second week, the family

00:26:55.800 --> 00:26:58.830
hikes into the SUWS base camp.

00:26:58.830 --> 00:27:02.740
Here they are told they will
face their biggest challenge.

00:27:02.740 --> 00:27:03.637
That one right there.

00:27:03.637 --> 00:27:04.720
That's what I think it is.

00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:05.410
It's hard.

00:27:05.410 --> 00:27:06.010
What?

00:27:06.010 --> 00:27:07.093
What, so you have to walk?

00:27:07.093 --> 00:27:08.720
Walking across the wire.

00:27:08.720 --> 00:27:09.430
We have to walk?

00:27:09.430 --> 00:27:10.420
Grabbing ropes.

00:27:10.420 --> 00:27:11.810
You haven't done this before?

00:27:11.810 --> 00:27:13.020
Never.

00:27:13.020 --> 00:27:16.600
Like many things at SUWS, the
passage across the swaying

00:27:16.600 --> 00:27:22.550
beams and high wires is a
metaphor for growing up.

00:27:22.550 --> 00:27:24.789
At least it won't,
like, kill me.

00:27:31.660 --> 00:27:34.570
This thing's digging.

00:27:34.570 --> 00:27:37.780
Like good parents,
[? Thai ?], Maude, and Dennis

00:27:37.780 --> 00:27:41.520
give the boys the skills
and encouragement they need.

00:27:41.520 --> 00:27:44.340
But ultimately, it's up to them.

00:27:44.340 --> 00:27:45.780
Come on, guys, quicker.

00:27:45.780 --> 00:27:48.410
If I hit my head
on the logs or--

00:27:48.410 --> 00:27:50.710
Go straight again.

00:27:50.710 --> 00:27:53.976
There's no room up here.

00:27:53.976 --> 00:27:55.180
Good luck, man.

00:27:55.180 --> 00:27:56.100
Here, Taylor.

00:27:56.100 --> 00:27:59.350
You ready for this?

00:27:59.350 --> 00:28:01.106
Oh, wow.

00:28:01.106 --> 00:28:02.594
Oh, my god.

00:28:02.594 --> 00:28:05.074
You'll be safe.

00:28:05.074 --> 00:28:07.060
I'm shaking, man.

00:28:07.060 --> 00:28:10.070
Do I have to do this?

00:28:10.070 --> 00:28:12.005
It's no mistake
that the instructors

00:28:12.005 --> 00:28:14.110
have paired up Chad with Matt.

00:28:14.110 --> 00:28:15.140
Say it, man.

00:28:15.140 --> 00:28:16.040
What's your idea?

00:28:16.040 --> 00:28:17.171
I go on to the other one.

00:28:17.171 --> 00:28:17.670
Yeah?

00:28:17.670 --> 00:28:19.390
They're going to
have to work together

00:28:19.390 --> 00:28:20.650
to graduate from the program.

00:28:20.650 --> 00:28:21.739
You know what I mean?

00:28:21.739 --> 00:28:22.530
Go across together?

00:28:22.530 --> 00:28:23.410
Yeah.

00:28:23.410 --> 00:28:23.990
Yeah, man.

00:28:23.990 --> 00:28:25.550
Is that a good idea?

00:28:25.550 --> 00:28:26.286
Let's do it.

00:28:26.286 --> 00:28:28.560
I mean, 'cause we got to
lean forward, you know.

00:28:28.560 --> 00:28:29.950
Right here, man.

00:28:29.950 --> 00:28:31.698
I'm feeling all right.

00:28:31.698 --> 00:28:33.870
Here.

00:28:33.870 --> 00:28:34.370
Maybe not.

00:28:34.370 --> 00:28:35.601
Feeling all right, are you?

00:28:35.601 --> 00:28:36.100
Yeah.

00:28:36.100 --> 00:28:38.890
I mean, it might not look
that far up from the ground.

00:28:38.890 --> 00:28:42.395
But when you get up there,
I was just like, yeah, sure.

00:28:42.395 --> 00:28:43.756
One, two, three.

00:28:47.110 --> 00:28:48.380
Here, don't grab me, man.

00:28:48.380 --> 00:28:49.340
You got to get
your butt in, man.

00:28:49.340 --> 00:28:50.506
You got to get your butt in.

00:28:50.506 --> 00:28:52.836
Don't look down.

00:28:52.836 --> 00:28:53.814
Ready, Todd?

00:28:53.814 --> 00:28:55.281
Don't flip.

00:28:55.281 --> 00:28:56.750
Whoa!

00:28:56.750 --> 00:28:58.375
Oh, my god!

00:28:58.375 --> 00:28:59.875
I think you're doing
well and you've

00:28:59.875 --> 00:29:01.754
been really pushing yourselves.

00:29:01.754 --> 00:29:03.170
When people work
hard at something

00:29:03.170 --> 00:29:05.530
and you can tell they're
serious about it,

00:29:05.530 --> 00:29:07.502
people are willing to help you.

00:29:07.502 --> 00:29:10.090
Forget yourself and just
support your partner.

00:29:10.090 --> 00:29:11.010
That's right.

00:29:11.010 --> 00:29:12.750
Support each other.

00:29:12.750 --> 00:29:15.330
Working on trusting each
other, that was hard

00:29:15.330 --> 00:29:16.460
but it made sense.

00:29:16.460 --> 00:29:18.436
There you go.

00:29:18.436 --> 00:29:19.424
Yeah!

00:29:19.424 --> 00:29:20.910
Nice job.

00:29:20.910 --> 00:29:25.020
Enough talking, man,
and just try something.

00:29:25.020 --> 00:29:26.810
But there's a moment
of truth there.

00:29:26.810 --> 00:29:29.910
It's a moment of
wow, am I going to be

00:29:29.910 --> 00:29:33.495
able to have the courage that
it takes to move through this?

00:29:38.750 --> 00:29:41.370
What we provide is
a sense of safety

00:29:41.370 --> 00:29:45.370
so that they will move through
very difficult challenges

00:29:45.370 --> 00:29:47.970
so that they can look
back and see my goodness,

00:29:47.970 --> 00:29:49.440
look what I have done.

00:30:06.300 --> 00:30:08.100
After the ropes
course, the family

00:30:08.100 --> 00:30:10.780
moves into its final phase.

00:30:10.780 --> 00:30:14.980
Now the boys are trained to work
together as a search and rescue

00:30:14.980 --> 00:30:16.180
team.

00:30:16.180 --> 00:30:19.776
Most of the calls that
come are simulated drills.

00:30:19.776 --> 00:30:22.160
But the boys know
they could be asked

00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.650
for help in a real situation.

00:30:25.650 --> 00:30:30.030
One morning, they get a call
that doesn't sound routine.

00:30:30.030 --> 00:30:32.942
Can you and your team head down
this way as fast as you can

00:30:32.942 --> 00:30:35.306
and give us a hand here, over?

00:30:35.306 --> 00:30:35.806
[INAUDIBLE]

00:30:35.806 --> 00:30:37.258
We're on our way, over.

00:30:37.258 --> 00:30:38.174
OK, guys, let's go.

00:30:38.174 --> 00:30:39.340
Let's head towards the road.

00:30:39.340 --> 00:30:43.266
And then we'll
meet her out there.

00:30:43.266 --> 00:30:46.190
Oh, no.

00:30:46.190 --> 00:30:48.870
The boys learn that a student
in one of the other SUWS

00:30:48.870 --> 00:30:52.160
wilderness groups has
bolted from her family

00:30:52.160 --> 00:30:53.940
and is in the desert
without water.

00:30:56.650 --> 00:30:59.114
I sprained my ankle,
too. [INAUDIBLE].

00:30:59.114 --> 00:30:59.614
Ah!

00:31:02.506 --> 00:31:03.470
Becky.

00:31:03.470 --> 00:31:04.800
Becky, you'll kill your ankle.

00:31:04.800 --> 00:31:06.204
Come on, Becky.

00:31:06.204 --> 00:31:08.910
Do you want some water?

00:31:08.910 --> 00:31:09.450
You thirsty?

00:31:09.450 --> 00:31:12.560
Can we take a look at your foot?

00:31:12.560 --> 00:31:13.330
Ow!

00:31:13.330 --> 00:31:14.922
Look at the outside
of her ankle.

00:31:14.922 --> 00:31:16.380
What part of your
leg hurts, Becky?

00:31:16.380 --> 00:31:18.250
Oh, it's bruised.

00:31:18.250 --> 00:31:20.550
I think most of these kids
come with no sense of who

00:31:20.550 --> 00:31:21.590
they really are.

00:31:21.590 --> 00:31:23.510
Why am I here?

00:31:23.510 --> 00:31:26.910
And building that sense of
purpose and helping them

00:31:26.910 --> 00:31:30.760
feel that accomplishment that
we really are here for a reason,

00:31:30.760 --> 00:31:33.770
that we're not just put
here to create problems,

00:31:33.770 --> 00:31:37.049
but that we can put here to
be parts of the solution.

00:31:37.049 --> 00:31:38.090
Do you think you can hop?

00:31:38.090 --> 00:31:40.260
Or do you need us to carry you?

00:31:40.260 --> 00:31:42.010
You can put as much
pressure on as needed.

00:31:42.010 --> 00:31:46.340
Because there's
rocks all along here.

00:31:46.340 --> 00:31:51.260
So providing them a sense
of team, a sense of family,

00:31:51.260 --> 00:31:53.850
and it's just a small glimpse
of what the world really

00:31:53.850 --> 00:31:55.640
has to offer them.

00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:57.120
So it's giving
them an opportunity

00:31:57.120 --> 00:32:00.400
to see that they can be
part of the bigger picture,

00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:04.230
that their small little world
fits into a larger piece.

00:32:07.044 --> 00:32:07.982
Yeah.

00:32:07.982 --> 00:32:10.330
Man, [INAUDIBLE].

00:32:10.330 --> 00:32:13.960
I thought today was
just one of the best

00:32:13.960 --> 00:32:16.540
days I've had out here.

00:32:16.540 --> 00:32:21.800
I was very proud of
myself and my teammates.

00:32:21.800 --> 00:32:23.365
We came together.

00:32:23.365 --> 00:32:24.890
It was awesome.

00:32:24.890 --> 00:32:28.030
So I'd have to
say without drugs,

00:32:28.030 --> 00:32:30.585
if I'm really committed to
something, I can get it done.

00:32:35.650 --> 00:32:39.470
After three weeks in the
desert, the boys graduate.

00:32:39.470 --> 00:32:41.330
Some of them go home.

00:32:41.330 --> 00:32:46.430
Some go on to other long-term
programs or schools.

00:32:46.430 --> 00:32:50.210
SUWS isn't a cure all for
adolescent angst and troubles.

00:32:50.210 --> 00:32:53.090
But it gives both parents
and youth was a springboard

00:32:53.090 --> 00:32:54.105
to continued growth.

00:33:02.580 --> 00:33:05.400
They lose that external
mirror and they

00:33:05.400 --> 00:33:06.780
go to an internal mirror.

00:33:06.780 --> 00:33:10.560
And this internal view
of themselves, or mirror,

00:33:10.560 --> 00:33:14.600
is much healthier than
the glass on the wall.

00:33:14.600 --> 00:33:17.070
It's a truer reflection
of who they are.

00:33:17.070 --> 00:33:19.260
And they like themselves better.

00:33:19.260 --> 00:33:20.830
And oftentimes
I've heard students

00:33:20.830 --> 00:33:22.746
when they get
cleaned up, they look

00:33:22.746 --> 00:33:24.120
in the mirror for
the first time,

00:33:24.120 --> 00:33:26.800
and they like how they look.

00:33:26.800 --> 00:33:28.280
Because what they're
seeing is not

00:33:28.280 --> 00:33:30.740
just their hair,
not just how they're

00:33:30.740 --> 00:33:32.640
holding their expressions.

00:33:32.640 --> 00:33:35.030
But they see more inside.

00:33:35.030 --> 00:33:37.410
And they like the person there.

00:33:40.650 --> 00:33:43.370
I would tell myself before
I came here, like, well,

00:33:43.370 --> 00:33:44.280
I can't do that.

00:33:44.280 --> 00:33:45.530
I wouldn't even try.

00:33:45.530 --> 00:33:49.240
I'd be like, I can't do it.

00:33:49.240 --> 00:33:54.940
I feel like I can do almost
anything God puts in my path.

00:33:54.940 --> 00:33:55.920
Bring it on.

00:33:58.857 --> 00:33:59.357
Yeah!

00:34:12.123 --> 00:34:13.596
Good job, Tim.

00:34:17.540 --> 00:34:21.405
When adults communicate
clear expectations

00:34:21.405 --> 00:34:24.610
and provide youth with
the tools to succeed,

00:34:24.610 --> 00:34:27.116
boys are helped to become men.

00:34:32.830 --> 00:34:36.100
Another part of growing up
is discovering and learning

00:34:36.100 --> 00:34:39.639
how to express who you are
as a distinct individual.

00:34:43.659 --> 00:34:47.679
Parents often have an idea of
who you should grow up to be,

00:34:47.679 --> 00:34:50.260
while peers have a totally
different concept of how

00:34:50.260 --> 00:34:52.906
you should look, talk, and act.

00:34:57.800 --> 00:35:00.360
Meanwhile, the
boy code tells you

00:35:00.360 --> 00:35:02.150
that it's dangerous
to be perceived

00:35:02.150 --> 00:35:05.500
as anything other than
tough, stoic, and ready

00:35:05.500 --> 00:35:08.530
to fight at a moment's notice.

00:35:08.530 --> 00:35:12.590
No wonder we often perceive
adolescent boys as aloof,

00:35:12.590 --> 00:35:16.925
isolated, and inarticulate--
impenetrable mysteries.

00:35:21.210 --> 00:35:24.670
Michael Meade, an
author and mythologist,

00:35:24.670 --> 00:35:27.279
makes it his life's
work to get to the heart

00:35:27.279 --> 00:35:28.070
of these mysteries.

00:35:30.770 --> 00:35:33.630
At the end of childhood, or
towards the end of childhood,

00:35:33.630 --> 00:35:38.310
something awakens inside people
that has profound levels to it.

00:35:38.310 --> 00:35:40.450
And then I think
youth is the time

00:35:40.450 --> 00:35:42.870
in which it has to be touched.

00:35:42.870 --> 00:35:44.840
And from that
touching of some kind

00:35:44.840 --> 00:35:48.330
of core aspects of a
person, hints of what

00:35:48.330 --> 00:35:51.990
that life is to be about occur.

00:35:51.990 --> 00:35:55.040
And young people are looking
for direction, which way to go.

00:35:55.040 --> 00:35:57.510
And it's not success or failure.

00:35:57.510 --> 00:36:00.800
Success or failure in what?

00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:02.820
Each young person
needs to find something

00:36:02.820 --> 00:36:05.394
that's indelibly part
of themselves, I think.

00:36:13.600 --> 00:36:15.420
Meade's way of
providing direction

00:36:15.420 --> 00:36:17.770
is to work with
the youth to create

00:36:17.770 --> 00:36:20.780
special occasions,
ceremonies in which they

00:36:20.780 --> 00:36:23.190
find the words to
express themselves.

00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:28.880
We asked boys from two
Chicago high schools

00:36:28.880 --> 00:36:32.870
to participate in a
three-day workshop.

00:36:32.870 --> 00:36:36.640
The core of what I do
has to do with telling

00:36:36.640 --> 00:36:38.080
stories, traditional stories.

00:36:38.080 --> 00:36:41.820
Now, once upon a time,
there was a village.

00:36:41.820 --> 00:36:45.420
And in the village
there was a mother.

00:36:45.420 --> 00:36:47.430
She had given birth to a child.

00:36:47.430 --> 00:36:50.860
And that child was a boy.

00:36:50.860 --> 00:36:54.850
Well, the truth is
it was half boy.

00:36:54.850 --> 00:37:00.700
Maybe because that boy was
only half, when he was born,

00:37:00.700 --> 00:37:03.700
he began to cry.

00:37:03.700 --> 00:37:06.920
AS he grew larger,
his voice grew louder.

00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:09.750
His lamenting grew greater.

00:37:09.750 --> 00:37:13.170
His screaming grew
more penetrating.

00:37:13.170 --> 00:37:16.430
And maybe because of that,
people kept away from him

00:37:16.430 --> 00:37:17.650
and didn't look at him.

00:37:17.650 --> 00:37:21.245
Certainly never looked
directly in the eye,

00:37:21.245 --> 00:37:25.200
of which, of course,
he only had one.

00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:30.350
The boys aren't sure what to
make of Meade in his story.

00:37:30.350 --> 00:37:31.990
And they get anxious
when he tells them

00:37:31.990 --> 00:37:34.510
they are expected to
perform their interpretation

00:37:34.510 --> 00:37:36.580
for parents and
teachers in three days.

00:37:39.880 --> 00:37:42.300
Even scarier is
the fact that Meade

00:37:42.300 --> 00:37:46.490
is asking them to talk
about their inner lives.

00:37:46.490 --> 00:37:48.410
It's actually
different from what

00:37:48.410 --> 00:37:50.070
I thought we were gonna do.

00:37:50.070 --> 00:37:52.160
Because I thought we were
gonna go into our lives.

00:37:52.160 --> 00:37:55.760
Our lives in school and with
our friends and stuff, about,

00:37:55.760 --> 00:37:57.916
like, basically, drugs,
sex, rock and roll.

00:37:57.916 --> 00:37:59.540
But it's more of the
truth that we have

00:37:59.540 --> 00:38:02.300
to deal with within themselves.

00:38:02.300 --> 00:38:04.490
When you talk to a boy,
you have to understand

00:38:04.490 --> 00:38:07.020
that he thinks the whole
talking thing may not

00:38:07.020 --> 00:38:10.624
be a masculine undertaking.

00:38:10.624 --> 00:38:12.540
So you have to ask a
question a different way.

00:38:12.540 --> 00:38:16.030
You have to honor his
pride and his masculinity.

00:38:16.030 --> 00:38:19.070
I've found the way to
do it is to use a boy

00:38:19.070 --> 00:38:20.830
as a consultant on himself.

00:38:20.830 --> 00:38:22.970
Give them a problem to solve.

00:38:22.970 --> 00:38:26.170
Ask them a question that
you don't have an answer to

00:38:26.170 --> 00:38:27.670
in mind.

00:38:27.670 --> 00:38:29.880
And don't be disappointed
in short answers.

00:38:29.880 --> 00:38:33.020
How many in here
know someone who

00:38:33.020 --> 00:38:35.360
didn't make it through the
struggle of trying to find

00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:37.191
themselves as a young person?

00:38:37.191 --> 00:38:38.093
Any of you?

00:38:38.093 --> 00:38:38.951
No?

00:38:38.951 --> 00:38:39.450
Yeah?

00:38:39.450 --> 00:38:41.780
And so that's how I
begin working with them,

00:38:41.780 --> 00:38:45.230
trying to engage that part of
them, which is imaginative,

00:38:45.230 --> 00:38:49.345
ancient, and capable
of inspiration.

00:38:49.345 --> 00:38:51.930
And so he decided to leave.

00:38:51.930 --> 00:38:54.860
There was no one
there to say goodbye.

00:38:54.860 --> 00:38:57.670
There was no one there
to wish him well.

00:38:57.670 --> 00:39:00.580
There was no one there
to sing songs for him

00:39:00.580 --> 00:39:02.700
as he went out into the world.

00:39:02.700 --> 00:39:04.954
It's 9,000 years
old, that story.

00:39:04.954 --> 00:39:06.870
All you have to do is
start telling that story

00:39:06.870 --> 00:39:08.373
to a bunch of unhappy boys.

00:39:08.373 --> 00:39:12.610
And they all go, yeah,
that's me, that boy.

00:39:12.610 --> 00:39:16.040
Nobody gave him or
nothing like that, I

00:39:16.040 --> 00:39:18.980
guess 'cause he was different
and something like that.

00:39:18.980 --> 00:39:23.710
It's kind of harsh, just not
sending him off on his way.

00:39:23.710 --> 00:39:25.540
It seems to me it's
just one big village

00:39:25.540 --> 00:39:29.160
of a bunch of fair weather
fans, because they're not

00:39:29.160 --> 00:39:30.975
supporting the youth.

00:39:30.975 --> 00:39:33.614
A lot of adults
don't look at you

00:39:33.614 --> 00:39:35.780
when you say you're thinking
about the big questions

00:39:35.780 --> 00:39:39.020
and that kind of stuff,
and don't see you

00:39:39.020 --> 00:39:40.680
as a serious person.

00:39:40.680 --> 00:39:42.310
I feel that sometimes.

00:39:42.310 --> 00:39:45.172
In other words, you feel
half but not the other half.

00:39:45.172 --> 00:39:48.011
They see half, but not
the other half of you.

00:39:48.011 --> 00:39:49.510
That's how it
connects to the story.

00:39:49.510 --> 00:39:50.760
That's how the half boy works.

00:39:58.600 --> 00:40:03.070
At the heart of the
workshop is poetry,

00:40:03.070 --> 00:40:06.570
poems that the boys themselves
write about the half boy.

00:40:06.570 --> 00:40:08.315
I don't want to
write line by line.

00:40:08.315 --> 00:40:10.295
I want, like, a story, you know.

00:40:10.295 --> 00:40:13.265
Because, like, I don't
want it to rhyme.

00:40:13.265 --> 00:40:17.500
I don't want it to.

00:40:17.500 --> 00:40:19.810
I say just write
whatever comes to mind.

00:40:19.810 --> 00:40:23.135
Just let it flow.

00:40:23.135 --> 00:40:25.510
From half boy to whole man.

00:40:25.510 --> 00:40:28.852
From half boy to whole man.

00:40:28.852 --> 00:40:29.935
You can say what you want.

00:40:29.935 --> 00:40:33.000
It's your poem.

00:40:33.000 --> 00:40:35.130
So one way to get
at the feelings

00:40:35.130 --> 00:40:39.110
is to have the safe zone
and to engage in an activity

00:40:39.110 --> 00:40:40.910
that the boy likes.

00:40:40.910 --> 00:40:42.910
And once we get
to those feelings,

00:40:42.910 --> 00:40:45.330
boys are connected
with us in a deeper way

00:40:45.330 --> 00:40:46.615
then we had been before.

00:40:49.850 --> 00:40:52.990
It's a form of
intimate conversation.

00:40:52.990 --> 00:40:56.320
They're telling you what
their internal images are.

00:40:56.320 --> 00:40:59.850
And it's creative.

00:40:59.850 --> 00:41:01.365
They like it.

00:41:15.430 --> 00:41:19.140
And as he dragged himself
towards the river,

00:41:19.140 --> 00:41:20.990
looked down the
bank of the river,

00:41:20.990 --> 00:41:23.970
and he could see someone
coming towards him.

00:41:23.970 --> 00:41:26.410
And after a time,
he could see that it

00:41:26.410 --> 00:41:29.070
was another half person.

00:41:29.070 --> 00:41:30.860
And then the two
halves come together.

00:41:30.860 --> 00:41:32.032
And one is a right half.

00:41:32.032 --> 00:41:32.990
And one is a left half.

00:41:32.990 --> 00:41:34.940
And then you think, OK,
now there's the two halves.

00:41:34.940 --> 00:41:36.064
Everything's gonna be fine.

00:41:36.064 --> 00:41:38.120
No, the two of them
begin to fight.

00:41:38.120 --> 00:41:39.680
They have a huge battle.

00:41:39.680 --> 00:41:42.370
At the river, you and
your half shouldn't fight.

00:41:42.370 --> 00:41:45.540
Instead, be bold and
try to become a whole,

00:41:45.540 --> 00:41:48.020
for then you will finally
see the world unfold.

00:41:48.020 --> 00:41:49.230
All right.

00:41:49.230 --> 00:41:51.970
Way to go, Ashley.

00:41:51.970 --> 00:41:54.540
Eventually, we have something
written by each one them

00:41:54.540 --> 00:41:59.190
or spoken by each one of
them that is their story.

00:41:59.190 --> 00:42:02.930
They'll reveal things
that are stunning.

00:42:02.930 --> 00:42:05.250
Well, I am preconceived
by a higher being,

00:42:05.250 --> 00:42:08.240
a life form called man,
blind but still seeing.

00:42:08.240 --> 00:42:09.640
What makes me whole?

00:42:09.640 --> 00:42:11.740
Still in a half man notion.

00:42:11.740 --> 00:42:16.306
Instead of ceremonial drinks,
we sip IBM and internet potions.

00:42:16.306 --> 00:42:18.250
The light's too bright.

00:42:18.250 --> 00:42:19.300
Now I'm blinded.

00:42:19.300 --> 00:42:20.540
OK, the light's "too."

00:42:20.540 --> 00:42:21.636
That's T-O-O.

00:42:21.636 --> 00:42:22.136
Yeah.

00:42:22.136 --> 00:42:25.590
"The light's too bright,"
and "now I'm blinded."

00:42:25.590 --> 00:42:27.180
So that semicolon
will take the place

00:42:27.180 --> 00:42:29.730
of "and." "At least
that's what you told me."

00:42:29.730 --> 00:42:33.210
"You" being an elder,
an older person?

00:42:33.210 --> 00:42:34.050
People in general.

00:42:34.050 --> 00:42:37.992
They're always trying
to tell you who you are,

00:42:37.992 --> 00:42:39.435
but they can't tell you.

00:42:39.435 --> 00:42:40.878
Yeah, that's good.

00:42:40.878 --> 00:42:43.850
I don't think you should
shorten that at all.

00:42:43.850 --> 00:42:45.975
I stepped out the
dark into the light.

00:42:45.975 --> 00:42:47.370
The light's too bright.

00:42:47.370 --> 00:42:49.220
Now I'm blinded.

00:42:49.220 --> 00:42:51.280
It's like I'm back in the dark.

00:42:51.280 --> 00:42:53.150
Why did I go into the light?

00:42:53.150 --> 00:42:54.985
Now I'm back where I started.

00:42:54.985 --> 00:42:56.360
I thought the
light was the place

00:42:56.360 --> 00:42:59.090
to be-- at least that's
what you told me.

00:42:59.090 --> 00:43:01.270
Maybe the light wasn't for me.

00:43:01.270 --> 00:43:03.240
And I know the
dark isn't for me.

00:43:03.240 --> 00:43:04.960
They can't find me.

00:43:04.960 --> 00:43:06.706
Only I can find me.

00:43:06.706 --> 00:43:09.860
In the same way, I'm going
through the teenage years,

00:43:09.860 --> 00:43:12.270
and it's kind of hard.

00:43:12.270 --> 00:43:14.040
And being a black
male-- that's hard, too.

00:43:14.040 --> 00:43:16.146
So that's how I was
feeling at that time.

00:43:18.860 --> 00:43:21.300
Matthew and nine other
boys in the workshop

00:43:21.300 --> 00:43:23.970
are students at
Hales Franciscan,

00:43:23.970 --> 00:43:26.990
an all African American boys
school in one of Chicago's

00:43:26.990 --> 00:43:29.350
poorest neighborhoods.

00:43:29.350 --> 00:43:32.330
Some of the guys from
Hales said that this river

00:43:32.330 --> 00:43:33.997
we're talking about
was almost like-- it

00:43:33.997 --> 00:43:36.038
was just like the streets
they had to walk though

00:43:36.038 --> 00:43:37.020
just to get to school.

00:43:37.020 --> 00:43:40.620
And I realized that
I had blinders on.

00:43:40.620 --> 00:43:43.630
This is the struggle
of my everyday life.

00:43:43.630 --> 00:43:46.200
It's not like the
old days where rivals

00:43:46.200 --> 00:43:47.690
went at you with a knife.

00:43:47.690 --> 00:43:51.030
Nowadays, you can't
walk on the wrong block.

00:43:51.030 --> 00:43:54.380
Throw up the wrong sign,
and you might get shot.

00:43:54.380 --> 00:43:57.130
Even going to school is
getting harder every day.

00:43:57.130 --> 00:44:00.650
Walk past an alley and see
where a dead body used to lay.

00:44:00.650 --> 00:44:03.070
I could remember what
my mother used to say.

00:44:03.070 --> 00:44:05.670
Son, be careful when
you go out and play.

00:44:05.670 --> 00:44:06.950
I see all this.

00:44:06.950 --> 00:44:08.440
Keep my poise and chill.

00:44:08.440 --> 00:44:10.860
This is my life.

00:44:10.860 --> 00:44:13.820
The river-- they say
the river got power,

00:44:13.820 --> 00:44:19.130
the power to turn boys to men,
the power to see new things.

00:44:19.130 --> 00:44:22.450
The wise men tell me I will
have to go in the river one day.

00:44:22.450 --> 00:44:23.890
Such fools.

00:44:23.890 --> 00:44:25.470
There's a natural
rhythm in there.

00:44:25.470 --> 00:44:28.730
And what you want to do
is just give it its room.

00:44:28.730 --> 00:44:34.110
For instance, instead of
"poisonous," "poison fish--"

00:44:34.110 --> 00:44:36.080
"sharp rocks and poison fish."

00:44:36.080 --> 00:44:37.430
Da da, da da da da.

00:44:37.430 --> 00:44:37.930
I see.

00:44:37.930 --> 00:44:38.830
You know?

00:44:38.830 --> 00:44:40.650
But you're up to a
big turning point now.

00:44:40.650 --> 00:44:43.268
Is he going in despite
the poison or not?

00:44:43.268 --> 00:44:44.720
No, he's not going in.

00:44:44.720 --> 00:44:45.690
He's not going.

00:44:45.690 --> 00:44:48.370
He's trying to put it
off as much as he can.

00:44:48.370 --> 00:44:50.930
And he's just giving all
these excuses-- you know,

00:44:50.930 --> 00:44:52.280
the river got sharp rocks.

00:44:52.280 --> 00:44:54.310
The river got poisonous fish.

00:44:54.310 --> 00:44:56.960
I see people go in the
river and not come out.

00:44:56.960 --> 00:44:59.970
There is no clear sense
of when you move over

00:44:59.970 --> 00:45:02.380
from boyhood to manhood.

00:45:02.380 --> 00:45:05.450
Males are constantly
being the given the test

00:45:05.450 --> 00:45:07.430
about when they'll become men.

00:45:07.430 --> 00:45:11.120
And they're constantly failing
it and taking it over again.

00:45:11.120 --> 00:45:14.400
One of the indigenous
Indian tribes in America

00:45:14.400 --> 00:45:18.540
calls that test "the
big impossible."

00:45:18.540 --> 00:45:20.920
They say this is the
hardest generation because

00:45:20.920 --> 00:45:23.252
of guns, drugs, and hate.

00:45:23.252 --> 00:45:25.590
Yet this generation is the same.

00:45:25.590 --> 00:45:27.920
The story is the same.

00:45:27.920 --> 00:45:31.570
Most people see us as the
poison of their lives.

00:45:31.570 --> 00:45:33.200
Yet they were the
same when they face

00:45:33.200 --> 00:45:35.680
the Red River-- their lives.

00:45:35.680 --> 00:45:37.350
What happens when we need them?

00:45:37.350 --> 00:45:40.530
What happens when we need them?

00:45:40.530 --> 00:45:46.100
I think it's intended to remind
the adults you did this, too.

00:45:46.100 --> 00:45:47.190
You did this, too.

00:45:47.190 --> 00:45:48.450
And if you can stand--

00:45:48.450 --> 00:45:52.310
All the research shows that if
an adolescent boy is connected

00:45:52.310 --> 00:45:56.150
to one person in his school, if
an adolescent boy feels loved

00:45:56.150 --> 00:45:59.540
by his mother and father,
he'll be protected from harm

00:45:59.540 --> 00:46:01.630
and from harming others.

00:46:01.630 --> 00:46:04.440
But in our society, we
push them to disconnect.

00:46:04.440 --> 00:46:06.530
And when they say
leave me alone,

00:46:06.530 --> 00:46:08.190
we do the worst
possible thing we

00:46:08.190 --> 00:46:12.180
can do with adolescent boys--
we actually do leave them alone.

00:46:12.180 --> 00:46:15.260
What they're really telling
us is give us some more space,

00:46:15.260 --> 00:46:17.735
but hover closely and be around.

00:46:31.110 --> 00:46:32.890
Here's the situation.

00:46:32.890 --> 00:46:34.740
We're going to try
and go through now as

00:46:34.740 --> 00:46:36.490
if we're doing the whole thing.

00:46:36.490 --> 00:46:40.490
So please don't make jokes and
don't talk for a little while

00:46:40.490 --> 00:46:44.841
so we can clarify what the
parts are and what the cues are.

00:46:44.841 --> 00:46:45.340
I know.

00:46:45.340 --> 00:46:45.890
I know.

00:46:45.890 --> 00:46:48.870
But can we just, like, say
we did it, and then just--

00:46:48.870 --> 00:46:52.165
No, we can not say we did this.

00:46:52.165 --> 00:46:54.690
Listen, Alex, what will happen
is people come in, sit down.

00:46:54.690 --> 00:46:56.580
You think you're
embarrassed about this now.

00:46:56.580 --> 00:46:58.030
Suddenly, these people
that you don't know

00:46:58.030 --> 00:46:59.290
are gonna be looking at you.

00:46:59.290 --> 00:47:00.915
You've got to get
something together.

00:47:00.915 --> 00:47:02.498
We don't really have
anything planned.

00:47:02.498 --> 00:47:03.840
And this isn't really organized.

00:47:03.840 --> 00:47:06.420
Take a deep breath and
hang with this for a while.

00:47:06.420 --> 00:47:08.150
If you guys keep
trying to escape,

00:47:08.150 --> 00:47:09.550
you're gonna feel bad tonight.

00:47:09.550 --> 00:47:10.891
Let's just do it then.

00:47:10.891 --> 00:47:11.390
All right.

00:47:11.390 --> 00:47:12.181
Let's just do what?

00:47:12.181 --> 00:47:14.740
You ready?

00:47:14.740 --> 00:47:16.590
The boys make it
through rehearsal,

00:47:16.590 --> 00:47:20.920
but are increasingly distracted.

00:47:20.920 --> 00:47:24.255
It's not clear that they're
ready to go on stage.

00:47:42.219 --> 00:47:44.714
[INAUDIBLE] in the [INAUDIBLE].

00:47:44.714 --> 00:47:47.084
Because you know
why I be the grand

00:47:47.084 --> 00:47:49.750
G. All the time putting it
down for the [INAUDIBLE].

00:47:49.750 --> 00:47:51.545
B-R-O-N once again.

00:47:51.545 --> 00:47:53.753
And how you're looking
at me sitting in the back

00:47:53.753 --> 00:47:56.670
of [INAUDIBLE].

00:47:56.670 --> 00:47:59.445
I'm kind of recovering
from the day.

00:47:59.445 --> 00:48:01.707
Does this drive
the adults crazy?

00:48:01.707 --> 00:48:03.540
Because it seems like
total chaos, you know.

00:48:03.540 --> 00:48:06.184
Some kids are playing
make believe baseball.

00:48:06.184 --> 00:48:07.350
Someone's playing the piano.

00:48:07.350 --> 00:48:09.570
Others are practicing
on the drum.

00:48:09.570 --> 00:48:11.370
Others are pushing
each other around.

00:48:11.370 --> 00:48:13.070
That's how they get rid of you.

00:48:13.070 --> 00:48:15.354
Every group I've ever
been with of young people,

00:48:15.354 --> 00:48:16.220
that's what they do.

00:48:16.220 --> 00:48:17.030
It's necessary.

00:48:17.030 --> 00:48:19.550
It's like the world
began in chaos.

00:48:19.550 --> 00:48:22.410
So everything meaningful has
to have chaos at the beginning.

00:48:22.410 --> 00:48:24.065
That's how I understand this.

00:48:24.065 --> 00:48:25.765
The trouble is in
the midst of chaos,

00:48:25.765 --> 00:48:28.890
you have to begin to pull out
some threads of intelligence

00:48:28.890 --> 00:48:29.755
and coherence.

00:48:44.341 --> 00:48:45.319
Yeah, Mom.

00:48:45.319 --> 00:48:48.020
It's [INAUDIBLE] come
to the program tonight.

00:48:48.020 --> 00:48:49.240
It starts at 7:00.

00:48:49.240 --> 00:48:52.150
And it's at 5835
South [? Cambart ?].

00:48:52.150 --> 00:48:54.310
After the show,
I'll be [INAUDIBLE].

00:48:54.310 --> 00:48:55.244
So I'll see you.

00:48:55.244 --> 00:48:58.050
Bye.

00:48:58.050 --> 00:48:59.862
[SINGING] Put out my limit.

00:49:03.760 --> 00:49:05.614
Put out my limits.

00:49:09.270 --> 00:49:22.060
Pout out my many old, put
out my many old [INAUDIBLE].

00:49:22.060 --> 00:49:33.660
Put out so many,
put out so many,

00:49:33.660 --> 00:49:47.510
put out so many old, put
out so many old [INAUDIBLE].

00:49:47.510 --> 00:49:50.780
They say the river got power--
the power to turn boys to men,

00:49:50.780 --> 00:49:53.220
the power to see new things.

00:49:53.220 --> 00:49:54.970
I've seen what
lurks in the river.

00:49:54.970 --> 00:49:59.090
The river got sharp rocks
in it and poison fish.

00:49:59.090 --> 00:50:02.130
I've seen friends go
in and never come out.

00:50:02.130 --> 00:50:03.780
No, not me.

00:50:03.780 --> 00:50:05.620
They ain't getting me with that.

00:50:05.620 --> 00:50:07.950
What the hell I need to
become a man for anyway?

00:50:07.950 --> 00:50:10.710
I can do anything
that any man could do.

00:50:10.710 --> 00:50:14.080
But I got to say, if I told
people I touched the water,

00:50:14.080 --> 00:50:15.940
they'd think I'm so cool.

00:50:15.940 --> 00:50:17.280
Hey, wait a minute.

00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:18.980
If I touched the
water a little bit,

00:50:18.980 --> 00:50:21.000
I'll get that power, right?

00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:24.150
I mean, a little splashy
splash could do the job.

00:50:24.150 --> 00:50:24.900
That's it.

00:50:24.900 --> 00:50:26.050
I'll do just that.

00:50:26.050 --> 00:50:30.440
I'm sure being a man can't be
more complicated than that.

00:50:30.440 --> 00:50:31.730
I have crossed the river.

00:50:31.730 --> 00:50:33.940
But it has been the easy way.

00:50:33.940 --> 00:50:36.920
I use a bridge, a boat,
and hop over the rocks.

00:50:36.920 --> 00:50:38.650
I never get wet.

00:50:38.650 --> 00:50:41.006
I only see the passing
water for a second.

00:50:41.006 --> 00:50:43.510
Then it is gone, and
I quickly forget.

00:50:43.510 --> 00:50:45.650
Meanwhile, I don't worry
about where I walk,

00:50:45.650 --> 00:50:47.920
where I play or
shop, no one give me

00:50:47.920 --> 00:50:49.990
a second glance when I pass.

00:50:49.990 --> 00:50:53.400
I walk within privilege,
within an unknowing.

00:50:53.400 --> 00:50:55.880
When then will I understand
what it is I do not know?

00:50:58.890 --> 00:51:01.590
Destined for greatness,
one start upon all.

00:51:01.590 --> 00:51:03.670
From the seed of
royal kings, the half

00:51:03.670 --> 00:51:06.730
boy searching for
the spirit's call.

00:51:06.730 --> 00:51:07.760
What is the call?

00:51:07.760 --> 00:51:09.710
Is it the rhythm within us?

00:51:09.710 --> 00:51:12.030
Is it tough love or neglection?

00:51:12.030 --> 00:51:13.750
So who am I to trust?

00:51:13.750 --> 00:51:15.410
Am I being honest with myself?

00:51:15.410 --> 00:51:17.280
Am I ready for this?

00:51:17.280 --> 00:51:18.280
Wait, what's that?

00:51:18.280 --> 00:51:20.380
A reflection of me.

00:51:20.380 --> 00:51:23.040
Could it be my other half,
to which God sent thee?

00:51:23.040 --> 00:51:26.944
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

00:51:31.830 --> 00:51:33.820
I walked in the door.

00:51:33.820 --> 00:51:35.490
And you guys were sitting there.

00:51:35.490 --> 00:51:36.420
I know you're not
supposed to use

00:51:36.420 --> 00:51:37.790
the word "beautiful" with guys.

00:51:37.790 --> 00:51:42.280
But you were just a beautiful
bunch of 19 different souls.

00:51:42.280 --> 00:51:46.360
And your poetry was beautiful.

00:51:46.360 --> 00:51:49.350
And it really has been a
privilege to sit here tonight

00:51:49.350 --> 00:51:52.180
and to hear your voice
and to hear your hearts.

00:51:52.180 --> 00:51:53.693
So I thank you.

00:51:53.693 --> 00:51:56.400
[APPLAUSE]

00:51:56.400 --> 00:51:59.070
I was surprised how it
actually just came out.

00:51:59.070 --> 00:52:01.150
I wasn't really thinking
about nothing to write.

00:52:01.150 --> 00:52:03.850
It just came to me
as I started writing.

00:52:03.850 --> 00:52:06.440
We just got on, like,
just let it flow,

00:52:06.440 --> 00:52:08.100
kind of wrote what we thought.

00:52:08.100 --> 00:52:11.400
And it came out
pretty well, I think.

00:52:11.400 --> 00:52:13.490
If I sit down and write
something in school,

00:52:13.490 --> 00:52:15.690
I can't get nothing out.

00:52:15.690 --> 00:52:17.140
And I write something down.

00:52:17.140 --> 00:52:18.602
Surprised me after
I read out loud,

00:52:18.602 --> 00:52:20.060
you get to hear
what you're saying.

00:52:20.060 --> 00:52:21.610
I don't get to do that much.

00:52:21.610 --> 00:52:29.560
With my mother and father, I
didn't really open up to them

00:52:29.560 --> 00:52:30.990
with be crossing the river.

00:52:30.990 --> 00:52:32.960
But this really opened
my eyes to see that they

00:52:32.960 --> 00:52:34.610
can help me a lot with this.

00:52:34.610 --> 00:52:38.220
You guys were able to give
us a form of expression

00:52:38.220 --> 00:52:40.240
that we would not have
gotten from you at home.

00:52:40.240 --> 00:52:42.300
I would've went into the
basement and sat with my son

00:52:42.300 --> 00:52:42.890
for a few minutes.

00:52:42.890 --> 00:52:44.723
He would have got up
and left, went upstairs

00:52:44.723 --> 00:52:45.850
to talk to his mother.

00:52:45.850 --> 00:52:47.930
I'd have to chase him
around the house just

00:52:47.930 --> 00:52:49.820
to find out how he's doing.

00:52:49.820 --> 00:52:52.230
I hear now him expressing
himself in a way

00:52:52.230 --> 00:52:53.480
that I've never heard before.

00:52:53.480 --> 00:52:56.580
And I thank you for
reminding me that I

00:52:56.580 --> 00:53:00.560
have a power in
listening-- not judging,

00:53:00.560 --> 00:53:04.440
not offering advice, but just
to hear what's being said.

00:53:04.440 --> 00:53:05.868
[DRUMMING]

00:53:05.868 --> 00:53:12.056
Suddenly, from the river, there
stepped the boy, the half boy,

00:53:12.056 --> 00:53:15.530
now made whole with the left
half and the right half.

00:53:15.530 --> 00:53:17.810
With the left foot
and the right half,

00:53:17.810 --> 00:53:19.690
one place before the other.

00:53:19.690 --> 00:53:24.490
The walking in wholeness, so
new that it was confusing,

00:53:24.490 --> 00:53:27.538
causing him to stumble,
disoriented, not knowing

00:53:27.538 --> 00:53:31.338
where he was or where to turn.

00:53:31.338 --> 00:53:38.282
Arriving at the edge of the
village, where the elders sat.

00:53:38.282 --> 00:53:40.266
And the elders
sitting there said,

00:53:40.266 --> 00:53:43.242
I can tell you where you are.

00:53:43.242 --> 00:53:48.076
You have come back to the
same place where you started.

00:53:48.076 --> 00:53:54.028
Now that you've returned,
the whole village can dance.

00:53:54.028 --> 00:53:57.996
[SINGING]

00:54:05.848 --> 00:54:07.723
You know, we have a lot
of love in the group.

00:54:07.723 --> 00:54:08.840
You know what I'm saying.

00:54:08.840 --> 00:54:10.360
We embraced each other.

00:54:10.360 --> 00:54:12.535
We came together as
men, not little boys.

00:54:12.535 --> 00:54:13.710
We came together as men.

00:54:13.710 --> 00:54:16.180
Because we know we're going
through the same thing

00:54:16.180 --> 00:54:17.280
together.

00:54:17.280 --> 00:54:18.386
We did this for ourselves.

00:54:18.386 --> 00:54:19.760
It was all coming
from the heart.

00:54:19.760 --> 00:54:21.680
We weren't doing this
looking for an A or a B.

00:54:21.680 --> 00:54:22.763
We wasn't doing this for--

00:54:22.763 --> 00:54:24.710
It was for ourselves,
our hearts.

00:54:24.710 --> 00:54:25.760
--our own equality.

00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:27.120
And that's what made
the whole difference.

00:54:27.120 --> 00:54:28.792
That's what made this
whole thing work.

00:54:28.792 --> 00:54:29.756
And I'm out.

00:54:29.756 --> 00:54:30.720
We out.

00:54:30.720 --> 00:54:31.684
Yeah, we out, yo.

00:54:35.070 --> 00:54:38.750
I think the point of
change is when there's

00:54:38.750 --> 00:54:42.160
a realization inside
a young person

00:54:42.160 --> 00:54:47.260
that I have some kind of
intrinsic, inherent value,

00:54:47.260 --> 00:54:52.550
that that is the ground and
also the place of connection

00:54:52.550 --> 00:54:53.050
to them.

00:55:05.700 --> 00:55:08.920
The greatest thing that
feminism did for girls is

00:55:08.920 --> 00:55:11.862
say there are many different
ways to be a woman.

00:55:11.862 --> 00:55:13.570
We have to show boys
that there are many,

00:55:13.570 --> 00:55:15.490
many different ways to be a man.

00:55:20.265 --> 00:55:22.105
So the best thing
that a parent can do

00:55:22.105 --> 00:55:27.670
is to let a boy show us the
way he wants to become a man.

00:55:27.670 --> 00:55:31.164
That's what makes a boy
healthy, happy, successful,

00:55:31.164 --> 00:55:31.830
and non-violent.

00:55:34.510 --> 00:55:39.450
[DRUMMING AND SINGING]

00:56:12.620 --> 00:56:15.990
Funding for this program was
provided by the Lillian Lincoln

00:56:15.990 --> 00:56:17.540
Foundation.