What are the consequences of a childhood removed from nature? Six screen-addicted…
Talk About Lonely
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
Most of us are by now familiar with the warnings; loneliness is worse for our health that smoking 15 cigarettes a day. The statistics supporting that are astonishing; billions of dollars are spent in related health care, hundreds of millions of lives are lived in quiet solitude. What's causing this? Is there a cure?
Talk About Lonely looks at the obvious culprits: smartphones, dating apps, 'social' media, contact-less commerce, the pandemic, remote work, urbanization, A.I., the ever-increasing pace of 21st century life. Then it digs much deeper into the hidden, underlying causes: concentration of the media into the hands of self-interested capital, legitimization of inequality prioritizing individual gains over community health, neoliberalism, capitalism gone dramatically wrong. And most importantly, we'll see the pathways many are successfully taking to escape this labyrinth.
The film presents evocative images of our many states of both disconnection and re-connection. It features deeply insightful commentary from philosophers, psychologists, dating app users (and survivors), gerontologists, a bishop in his empty church, an Only Fans adult content creator, an adult toy retailer selling devices making contact-less sex viable, young teens, long married seniors, and more. We learn of the surprising links between loneliness and climate change. All inter cut with a handful of stand-up comics mining their sad existences for comedy gold.
Talk About Lonely is raw, beautiful, heartbreaking, heartwarming, challenging, revealing, and most importantly - hopeful.
Credits and citation support are not available for this title yet.
A MARC record for this title is not available yet.
Distributor subjects
No distributor subjects provided.Keywords
00:00:02.871 --> 00:00:04.871
[waves crashing]
00:00:21.924 --> 00:00:25.899
[distaint traffic sounds]
[birds chirping]
00:00:34.724 --> 00:00:37.102
[serene ambient music]
00:00:37.106 --> 00:00:39.159
[seagulls squawking]
00:00:43.894 --> 00:00:46.025
- Loneliness is an
epidemic of our time.
00:00:48.835 --> 00:00:52.138
We are getting so much more cut off...
00:00:52.142 --> 00:00:55.038
from friends, from family,
00:00:55.042 --> 00:00:59.070
and it's very difficult to
know where to turn.
00:00:59.795 --> 00:01:02.272
[serene ambient music]
00:01:02.276 --> 00:01:05.725
We live in houses where we
might not know our neighbor.
00:01:05.980 --> 00:01:08.728
We live in apartment buildings
that are filled with people,
00:01:08.732 --> 00:01:12.015
but might not speak to another
human being all day long.
00:01:15.730 --> 00:01:18.568
We live in a city where
we can walk by people
00:01:18.572 --> 00:01:21.303
and not even nod to them,
00:01:21.307 --> 00:01:23.243
make eye contact with them,
00:01:23.247 --> 00:01:25.148
acknowledge their presence.
00:01:25.152 --> 00:01:28.175
We almost act as if they don't exist.
00:01:28.515 --> 00:01:30.958
And what an incredible
depth of loneliness
00:01:30.962 --> 00:01:32.520
that that starts to create.
00:01:32.984 --> 00:01:36.064
[serene ambient music]
00:01:37.340 --> 00:01:39.498
We turn then to television,
00:01:39.502 --> 00:01:42.880
or we turn to our phone,
or we turn to our radio...
00:01:43.716 --> 00:01:46.339
which is helpful to pass the time,
00:01:46.343 --> 00:01:48.068
but is not helpful in terms of
00:01:48.072 --> 00:01:50.030
what we crave as human beings.
00:01:54.375 --> 00:01:56.783
We're missing the point
that we human beings
00:01:56.787 --> 00:01:58.323
need to be in community,
00:01:58.327 --> 00:01:59.898
we need to be in relationship.
00:01:59.902 --> 00:02:04.653
We need to understand how
important it is for us to connect
00:02:04.657 --> 00:02:10.518
with another real live person
who cares about us,
00:02:10.522 --> 00:02:12.101
and we care about them.
00:02:12.458 --> 00:02:15.483
[serene ambient music]
00:02:31.951 --> 00:02:34.112
[indistinct chatter]
00:02:34.116 --> 00:02:37.920
- We have a fundamental
need to belong.
00:02:38.140 --> 00:02:41.468
There's a growing body of
literature in psychology
00:02:41.472 --> 00:02:45.978
that underscores just
how social we are,
00:02:45.982 --> 00:02:48.350
that we thirst for connection.
00:02:49.032 --> 00:02:50.577
[bonfire crackling]
00:02:50.581 --> 00:02:52.978
Throughout our lives,
we need other people.
00:02:52.982 --> 00:02:55.648
It's not just when we're young,
or when we're older
00:02:55.652 --> 00:02:57.683
and becoming a bit less able,
00:02:57.687 --> 00:03:00.423
it's also when we're ill,
00:03:00.427 --> 00:03:03.728
when we're pregnant,
when we lose a job,
00:03:03.732 --> 00:03:05.925
when we suffer a tragedy.
00:03:05.929 --> 00:03:08.517
We deeply need other people.
00:03:09.660 --> 00:03:13.233
And because of this
deep need to belong,
00:03:13.237 --> 00:03:16.670
we suffer when we are denied contact.
00:03:18.090 --> 00:03:21.138
There's a statistic in psychology
00:03:21.142 --> 00:03:24.303
that's become quite well known
00:03:24.307 --> 00:03:28.645
that chronic loneliness is
worse for your health
00:03:28.649 --> 00:03:31.127
than smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
00:03:31.903 --> 00:03:35.677
[serene ambient music]
00:03:35.681 --> 00:03:39.610
It is closely tied to early mortality.
00:03:40.010 --> 00:03:43.518
You are more likely to
have high blood pressure,
00:03:43.522 --> 00:03:47.568
reduced immunity,
to experience depression,
00:03:47.572 --> 00:03:51.740
to a more rapid onset of
Alzheimer's disease.
00:03:51.995 --> 00:03:55.063
There are many things that
go badly for our health
00:03:55.067 --> 00:03:56.825
when we are lonely.
00:03:58.565 --> 00:04:03.638
Over 40% of Americans report
feeling chronically isolated,
00:04:03.642 --> 00:04:04.700
deeply lonely.
00:04:05.400 --> 00:04:10.104
And I think that feeling
is connected to
00:04:10.108 --> 00:04:12.756
many, many other parts of our society.
00:04:12.996 --> 00:04:16.831
[serene ambient music]
00:04:32.630 --> 00:04:36.685
- There's been a lot of talk that
loneliness is an epidemic.
00:04:37.265 --> 00:04:39.278
And we think that
that's because of the way
00:04:39.282 --> 00:04:41.318
that we structured our society,
00:04:41.322 --> 00:04:43.288
the way we've organized families,
00:04:43.292 --> 00:04:45.405
communities, organizations.
00:04:46.355 --> 00:04:48.508
Throughout all of human history,
00:04:48.512 --> 00:04:51.183
people really needed to
rely on each other,
00:04:51.187 --> 00:04:53.193
to work together, to collaborate,
00:04:53.197 --> 00:04:54.630
if any of them were to survive.
00:04:54.930 --> 00:04:57.078
And so not only did you feel
00:04:57.082 --> 00:04:59.818
that you had a sense of belonging
with your community,
00:04:59.822 --> 00:05:01.855
but you were completely
reliant on them.
00:05:02.110 --> 00:05:04.292
[waves lapping]
00:05:04.296 --> 00:05:06.383
Most of our calories
would have come from
00:05:06.387 --> 00:05:07.543
hunting and gathering.
00:05:07.547 --> 00:05:08.506
Those are group activities,
00:05:08.510 --> 00:05:09.781
and you're doing it with somebody.
00:05:09.785 --> 00:05:11.433
And you're doing it
not just with anybody,
00:05:11.437 --> 00:05:13.713
but you're doing it with the
people that you love
00:05:13.717 --> 00:05:15.058
and that you want to survive with
00:05:15.062 --> 00:05:17.633
and you have this close
intimate relationship with.
00:05:17.637 --> 00:05:18.808
[car honking]
[dog barking]
00:05:18.812 --> 00:05:20.810
[piano music]
00:05:21.822 --> 00:05:23.718
But when people start being moved
00:05:23.722 --> 00:05:26.143
from rural or remote regions,
00:05:26.147 --> 00:05:29.540
from agricultural societies
into the factory age,
00:05:29.544 --> 00:05:32.543
you know, cities
inherently were created
00:05:32.547 --> 00:05:34.836
because of this need
to centralize labor.
00:05:34.840 --> 00:05:36.567
[upbeat dance music]
00:05:36.571 --> 00:05:40.303
In prehistory, relatedness
was how you survived,
00:05:40.307 --> 00:05:42.125
relationships with friends, family.
00:05:42.420 --> 00:05:46.233
And now, in post-industrial
revolution times,
00:05:46.237 --> 00:05:48.858
it's by pursuing those capitalistic
00:05:48.862 --> 00:05:50.925
or other self-interested gains.
00:05:51.310 --> 00:05:53.290
Now, who do you belong to?
00:05:53.547 --> 00:05:54.967
[serene ambient music]
00:05:54.971 --> 00:05:56.770
[footsteps shuffling]
00:06:10.020 --> 00:06:13.543
And so I think the natural
response to the environment
00:06:13.547 --> 00:06:17.240
which we live in today
is to feel loneliness.
00:06:20.068 --> 00:06:23.058
[bustling street sounds]
00:06:24.708 --> 00:06:26.863
[helicopter blades whirring]
00:06:28.640 --> 00:06:30.038
We are here living together
00:06:30.042 --> 00:06:31.683
with people from all over the world
00:06:31.687 --> 00:06:33.368
who might not share your values,
00:06:33.372 --> 00:06:36.890
or eat the same food as you,
or whatever else.
00:06:37.620 --> 00:06:42.070
So, how do we form a connection
to one another in the city?
00:06:42.374 --> 00:06:44.192
[bustling street sounds]
00:06:44.196 --> 00:06:46.748
I think in the past, you know,
we saw public squares
00:06:46.752 --> 00:06:50.498
or public parks that are
there for you to slow down,
00:06:50.502 --> 00:06:53.950
meet the other, you know,
connect at a human level.
00:06:54.585 --> 00:06:58.321
And yet what it all comes
down to in the end really is,
00:06:58.325 --> 00:07:00.743
who has the money to build the city?
00:07:01.995 --> 00:07:03.652
[indistinct chatter]
00:07:03.656 --> 00:07:05.598
We need government to step in,
00:07:05.602 --> 00:07:08.975
to create public spaces where
you can just sit and be.
00:07:09.890 --> 00:07:11.382
[indistinct chatter]
00:07:11.386 --> 00:07:13.303
But, really beginning in the 1980s,
00:07:13.307 --> 00:07:15.553
we were told government
is the problem.
00:07:15.557 --> 00:07:18.410
So, we saw governments retreat.
00:07:19.180 --> 00:07:24.458
- The nine most terrifying words
in the English language are,
00:07:24.462 --> 00:07:26.895
"I'm from the government
and I'm here to help."
00:07:30.143 --> 00:07:32.017
[serene ambient music]
00:07:32.021 --> 00:07:35.458
- I grew up seeing
every block have trees,
00:07:35.462 --> 00:07:37.468
and every block would have a mailbox,
00:07:37.472 --> 00:07:39.085
every block had a bench.
00:07:40.695 --> 00:07:42.165
They just took them all away.
00:07:44.625 --> 00:07:47.945
Now, every single one of us is lonely.
00:07:49.204 --> 00:07:50.753
[distant siren wailing]
00:07:51.380 --> 00:07:55.743
What happened is the commercialization
of civic infrastructure,
00:07:55.747 --> 00:07:58.240
privatization of public spaces.
00:07:58.540 --> 00:08:01.283
Then, not only the
wealthy investor class
00:08:01.287 --> 00:08:04.548
but corporations completely found ways
00:08:04.552 --> 00:08:08.340
to offshore trillions of
dollars in profit.
00:08:08.710 --> 00:08:10.610
[water lapping]
00:08:11.230 --> 00:08:14.223
Trillions of dollars that
governments were banking on,
00:08:14.227 --> 00:08:17.098
trillions of dollars that governments
were basing projections
00:08:17.102 --> 00:08:19.050
around infrastructure spending on.
00:08:19.850 --> 00:08:22.330
Did the governments go
after those corporations?
00:08:22.510 --> 00:08:25.118
No, they defunded the public realm.
00:08:25.122 --> 00:08:27.963
They defunded schools,
they defunded health care.
00:08:27.967 --> 00:08:29.838
They defunded housing.
00:08:29.842 --> 00:08:32.205
They defunded the public spaces.
00:08:33.790 --> 00:08:36.650
And now we're seeing the
consequences of that.
00:08:36.974 --> 00:08:40.309
[serene ambient music]
00:08:42.538 --> 00:08:44.548
[indistinct chatter]
00:08:53.020 --> 00:08:56.068
If you look at the
publicly funded parks
00:08:56.072 --> 00:08:58.338
and cafes and public squares,
00:08:58.342 --> 00:09:00.518
you know, throughout much
at least North America,
00:09:00.522 --> 00:09:02.840
those things have started
to completely disappear.
00:09:03.230 --> 00:09:06.815
But also, we have to be
thinking about the workplace.
00:09:07.055 --> 00:09:07.852
[phone ringing]
00:09:07.856 --> 00:09:09.898
Most of us spend our day,
00:09:09.902 --> 00:09:11.828
eight of those hours are sleeping,
00:09:11.832 --> 00:09:13.803
eight hours of those days
are spent working.
00:09:13.807 --> 00:09:15.768
There's people all
around you, but often
00:09:15.772 --> 00:09:17.318
you don't have any
authentic connection,
00:09:17.322 --> 00:09:18.598
or attachment to them.
00:09:18.602 --> 00:09:20.839
And when people are at work
00:09:20.843 --> 00:09:23.924
there's a lot of pressures to
00:09:23.928 --> 00:09:25.081
have a good face on,
00:09:25.391 --> 00:09:28.073
because if your ability to eat
00:09:28.077 --> 00:09:31.803
is dependent on the show
that you're putting on at work,
00:09:31.807 --> 00:09:34.273
if you're stressed because
of work performance
00:09:34.277 --> 00:09:37.338
or your bad relationship with
your boss or coworkers,
00:09:37.342 --> 00:09:40.023
then people feel a lot of
stress in those environments
00:09:40.027 --> 00:09:42.308
because they're knowing
they're being observed
00:09:42.312 --> 00:09:43.800
and they know they're being evaluated.
00:09:43.965 --> 00:09:46.030
[sirens wailing]
00:09:47.458 --> 00:09:50.638
[pensive ambient music]
00:09:56.040 --> 00:09:59.193
- One of the things I'm really
concerned about in the city is,
00:09:59.197 --> 00:10:03.370
whether it's corporate surveillance
or government surveillance,
00:10:03.735 --> 00:10:06.445
we live in an age of
surveillance and...
00:10:07.415 --> 00:10:08.978
this is sometimes being referred to
00:10:08.982 --> 00:10:10.710
as surveillance capitalism.
00:10:12.319 --> 00:10:13.909
[siren wailing]
00:10:18.225 --> 00:10:20.763
We want to surveil diseases
00:10:20.767 --> 00:10:22.803
to make sure that we can prevent
other people from getting sick.
00:10:22.807 --> 00:10:24.843
We want to surveil pollution levels,
00:10:24.847 --> 00:10:28.295
but we're being constantly watched
whether we like it or not.
00:10:28.766 --> 00:10:32.266
[pensive ambient music]
00:10:33.030 --> 00:10:35.537
[seagull squawking]
[waves lapping]
00:10:35.541 --> 00:10:37.713
- Knowing that other
people are watching
00:10:37.717 --> 00:10:41.088
causes people to want
to withdraw and hide,
00:10:41.092 --> 00:10:42.248
and then they feel lonely.
00:10:42.252 --> 00:10:43.973
Of just knowing that
you're being monitored,
00:10:43.977 --> 00:10:45.740
knowing that other
people are watching.
00:10:45.766 --> 00:10:48.896
[pensive ambient music]
00:10:49.825 --> 00:10:53.648
- Clearly, the atmosphere
at your workplace,
00:10:53.652 --> 00:10:56.713
the office culture
could be a good one,
00:10:56.717 --> 00:10:58.073
could be a bad one.
00:10:58.077 --> 00:11:01.360
These are really big
influences on our lives.
00:11:01.699 --> 00:11:02.313
[phone alert dings]
00:11:02.317 --> 00:11:04.743
At its best, in theory of course,
00:11:04.747 --> 00:11:07.243
work can give a kind of creative,
00:11:07.247 --> 00:11:09.160
meaningful satisfaction in life.
00:11:09.785 --> 00:11:12.533
But philosophers and psychologists
00:11:12.537 --> 00:11:15.213
and other people who've
worked on what it takes
00:11:15.217 --> 00:11:18.165
for us to feel meaning in our lives,
00:11:18.170 --> 00:11:20.623
it has a lot to do with
interconnectedness
00:11:20.627 --> 00:11:25.315
and feeling connected to
something bigger than just us.
00:11:25.485 --> 00:11:28.085
[choir vocalizing]
00:11:30.665 --> 00:11:32.858
The Church, in many contexts,
00:11:32.862 --> 00:11:35.098
used to be a source of
community support,
00:11:35.102 --> 00:11:36.793
a way that you would
connect with other people
00:11:36.797 --> 00:11:38.628
beyond the nuclear family, right,
00:11:38.632 --> 00:11:42.948
and actually have real,
meaningful connections
00:11:42.952 --> 00:11:44.668
with other people in your lives
00:11:44.672 --> 00:11:45.918
and a sense of working for something
00:11:45.922 --> 00:11:47.403
that was bigger than yourself.
00:11:47.407 --> 00:11:50.533
And all of those things that
make our lives meaningful,
00:11:50.537 --> 00:11:52.313
that was something that church
00:11:52.317 --> 00:11:53.930
could provide to a lot of people.
00:11:55.070 --> 00:11:59.773
And nothing has really come to
take the place of a church,
00:11:59.777 --> 00:12:02.273
where everyone goes on a regular basis
00:12:02.277 --> 00:12:04.468
and they meet each other
and they chat and they talk
00:12:04.472 --> 00:12:06.013
and they have those connections
00:12:06.017 --> 00:12:08.935
that move beyond their
little family bubble.
00:12:09.195 --> 00:12:11.035
Nothing has really replaced that.
00:12:11.245 --> 00:12:13.750
[liturgical organ playing]
00:12:18.375 --> 00:12:21.680
- The Church is an institution that
has had trouble changing.
00:12:23.800 --> 00:12:26.843
There are things that have
happened in churches
00:12:26.847 --> 00:12:30.175
that are incredibly sad,
incredibly worrying.
00:12:30.190 --> 00:12:33.100
There were mistakes,
sometimes terrible mistakes.
00:12:36.525 --> 00:12:38.668
But ideally in a congregation
00:12:38.672 --> 00:12:40.108
we become a community
00:12:40.112 --> 00:12:43.148
where we know something
00:12:43.152 --> 00:12:45.028
about the person
we're sitting next to.
00:12:45.032 --> 00:12:48.483
We might know something
that's going on in their life,
00:12:48.487 --> 00:12:51.073
that maybe they need some support,
00:12:51.077 --> 00:12:52.738
maybe they need some kindness.
00:12:52.742 --> 00:12:55.508
Maybe we need their kindness.
00:12:55.512 --> 00:12:57.328
Maybe we need their compassion
00:12:57.332 --> 00:12:58.885
of things that we're going through.
00:12:59.870 --> 00:13:04.038
Where can we find those places
that people simply gather
00:13:04.042 --> 00:13:05.691
to connect with one another?
00:13:05.855 --> 00:13:07.855
[traffic noise]
00:13:08.087 --> 00:13:09.997
[church bells ringing]
00:13:10.563 --> 00:13:13.643
[bossa nova music]
00:13:15.550 --> 00:13:18.303
- We've come a long way
since building a church,
00:13:18.307 --> 00:13:22.065
which was the central organizing
principle for social life.
00:13:23.195 --> 00:13:26.158
The central organizing principle
for social life today
00:13:26.162 --> 00:13:27.980
is arguably capitalism.
00:13:31.260 --> 00:13:32.058
And yet,
00:13:32.062 --> 00:13:34.284
often these places are policed
00:13:34.288 --> 00:13:36.684
or designed or accessible in ways
00:13:36.688 --> 00:13:40.125
that are not truly public
space or a commons.
00:13:40.340 --> 00:13:41.501
[police radio chatter]
00:13:41.505 --> 00:13:43.104
[faint elevator music]
00:13:43.114 --> 00:13:48.343
I think there's a profound
need for public spaces,
00:13:48.347 --> 00:13:50.665
public infrastructure, the commons,
00:13:51.000 --> 00:13:53.808
places that make city life
rich and inviting.
00:13:53.812 --> 00:13:57.033
Because if we don't
provide a civic commons
00:13:57.037 --> 00:13:59.523
for people to be public together,
00:13:59.527 --> 00:14:01.843
they will find other environments.
00:14:01.847 --> 00:14:05.991
And the digital environment
is the one most obviously
00:14:05.995 --> 00:14:08.408
where I think that we
are congregating now.
00:14:08.651 --> 00:14:10.651
[indistinct chatter]
00:14:11.275 --> 00:14:16.790
But the digital commons
is not a public space.
00:14:17.375 --> 00:14:19.693
Yes, people are socializing,
00:14:19.697 --> 00:14:22.353
and they're being public,
in a sense, online.
00:14:22.357 --> 00:14:24.408
But they're being public in waters
00:14:24.412 --> 00:14:28.343
that are absolutely
polluted with marketing
00:14:28.347 --> 00:14:31.183
and commerce and political discourse
00:14:31.187 --> 00:14:34.445
that all the misinformation and
disinformation has engendered.
00:14:34.615 --> 00:14:36.175
And that's not socializing.
00:14:36.331 --> 00:14:39.331
[driving techno music]
00:15:14.620 --> 00:15:17.317
- It's hard to go anywhere in public,
00:15:17.321 --> 00:15:19.717
or honestly even in our homes too now,
00:15:19.721 --> 00:15:23.983
where you don't see people
on their phones just by default
00:15:23.987 --> 00:15:27.030
if there's not something else
they are actively doing.
00:15:27.345 --> 00:15:31.273
So, even if they are actively
walking around sometimes, right,
00:15:31.277 --> 00:15:34.020
crossing the street even,
the phone is out.
00:15:34.433 --> 00:15:36.028
So what is with that?
00:15:37.098 --> 00:15:40.303
I think partly it's that
there is really genuinely
00:15:40.307 --> 00:15:41.693
useful stuff on there, right?
00:15:41.697 --> 00:15:44.553
Sometimes we need the
Google Maps to get around,
00:15:44.557 --> 00:15:46.830
so that's why people are looking
while they're walking.
00:15:47.770 --> 00:15:49.735
Totally bona fide uses as well.
00:15:50.645 --> 00:15:52.163
But sometimes it's that we literally
00:15:52.167 --> 00:15:53.755
just can't tear ourselves
away from it.
00:15:54.599 --> 00:15:56.569
And that's where it gets problematic.
00:15:56.980 --> 00:16:00.055
[pensive ambient music]
00:16:02.640 --> 00:16:05.313
- When I work with couples,
what I see is that
00:16:05.317 --> 00:16:08.343
it's very rare for them to actually
sit in a room together
00:16:08.347 --> 00:16:11.870
for 50 minutes without screens, right?
00:16:11.900 --> 00:16:13.333
When I work with families,
00:16:13.337 --> 00:16:16.715
especially parent-child family therapy,
00:16:16.950 --> 00:16:18.958
it's very rare for the child
00:16:18.962 --> 00:16:21.145
to not have their phone with them.
00:16:21.571 --> 00:16:22.371
Right?
00:16:22.390 --> 00:16:25.078
And then I think also in therapy,
00:16:25.082 --> 00:16:29.725
it's hard for a lot of the teens
to be without their phone.
00:16:33.885 --> 00:16:35.685
[indistinct chatter]
00:16:36.035 --> 00:16:38.475
- I notice everybody. [laughing]
00:16:38.940 --> 00:16:41.593
I just noticed the other day,
I don't know where it was,
00:16:41.597 --> 00:16:43.278
but we were walking down
the street and everybody,
00:16:43.282 --> 00:16:45.528
you know, like the lady almost ran--
00:16:45.532 --> 00:16:46.458
walked into us.
00:16:46.462 --> 00:16:47.260
Everybody...
00:16:47.895 --> 00:16:50.453
Everybody, without an option,
00:16:50.457 --> 00:16:51.663
had a phone in their hand
00:16:51.667 --> 00:16:53.073
and they were looking at them.
00:16:53.077 --> 00:16:55.048
I didn't, mine was
in my pocket. [laughing]
00:16:55.052 --> 00:16:57.083
But I thought, "Holy mackerel!"
00:16:57.087 --> 00:17:00.508
There's... and Anne said,
"Oh, that's their social."
00:17:00.512 --> 00:17:01.310
- That's their world.
00:17:01.395 --> 00:17:02.340
- That's their world.
00:17:03.475 --> 00:17:06.525
[gauzy ambient music]
00:17:10.574 --> 00:17:13.758
- If you think about this now,
not on an individual level
00:17:13.762 --> 00:17:15.345
but on a social level,
00:17:15.349 --> 00:17:18.321
people don't need the science
to tell them this is true.
00:17:18.325 --> 00:17:19.121
They've seen it.
00:17:19.125 --> 00:17:21.131
They've seen it unfold in
the short generations
00:17:21.135 --> 00:17:22.496
of their own lifespans,
00:17:22.500 --> 00:17:24.845
that more people spend more
time on their phones.
00:17:25.100 --> 00:17:26.478
So say I'm really popular,
00:17:26.482 --> 00:17:28.568
and I spend all my time on my phone
00:17:28.572 --> 00:17:31.965
having these fairly low-quality
social interactions with people
00:17:32.560 --> 00:17:34.618
but I'm on my phone,
or I'm listening to a podcast,
00:17:34.622 --> 00:17:35.990
or I'm scrolling their social media.
00:17:36.395 --> 00:17:37.898
That means everybody else around me
00:17:37.902 --> 00:17:40.503
who used to be able to say,
"Hey, how's it going?"
00:17:40.507 --> 00:17:42.905
"How's your day?"
"Oh, what about that game we saw?"
00:17:43.220 --> 00:17:45.943
Now they can't do that,
so they're more isolated,
00:17:45.947 --> 00:17:49.693
which means that at
a population level
00:17:49.697 --> 00:17:52.013
phones can be making us more lonely
00:17:52.017 --> 00:17:53.660
even though on an individual level
00:17:53.666 --> 00:17:55.826
it might look like they're
making us more connected.
00:17:55.830 --> 00:17:57.430
[dog barking]
00:17:57.528 --> 00:18:00.588
[serene ambient music]
00:18:12.115 --> 00:18:14.243
- When we're on our phones,
00:18:14.247 --> 00:18:18.113
we are missing information
00:18:18.117 --> 00:18:21.133
about our direct social environment,
00:18:21.137 --> 00:18:24.160
and as a result
we are missing opportunities.
00:18:24.815 --> 00:18:30.288
So, I don't notice the stranger
who tried to catch my eye.
00:18:30.292 --> 00:18:34.053
And when we catch a
stranger's eye on the street,
00:18:34.057 --> 00:18:38.518
we each acknowledge something
fundamentally human.
00:18:38.522 --> 00:18:40.322
When we make eye contact,
00:18:40.652 --> 00:18:44.180
I acknowledge your humanity,
you acknowledge mine.
00:18:44.184 --> 00:18:47.418
And that there's actually a
deep need that is met there.
00:18:47.422 --> 00:18:51.235
And so we lose those moments
when we are on our phone.
00:18:51.875 --> 00:18:54.810
[serene ambient music]
[faint traffic noise]
00:18:58.245 --> 00:19:03.155
And we can send signals of ostracism.
00:19:03.715 --> 00:19:06.333
You're speaking to me
and I'm on my phone,
00:19:06.337 --> 00:19:11.570
I'm conveying you're less than
fully important to me.
00:19:12.239 --> 00:19:15.289
[ukulele music]
00:19:22.510 --> 00:19:26.088
- [A.I. voice] Let me call you,
sweetheart.
00:19:26.092 --> 00:19:26.890
I am...
00:19:27.335 --> 00:19:28.135
in love...
00:19:28.935 --> 00:19:30.615
with... you...
00:19:32.813 --> 00:19:36.051
Let... me hear... you whisper
00:19:36.055 --> 00:19:40.890
that... you love... me... too.
00:19:42.530 --> 00:19:46.473
Keep... the love light... glowing...
00:19:46.477 --> 00:19:50.585
in your eyes... so... true.
00:19:52.298 --> 00:19:55.763
Let... me call... you sweetheart.
00:19:56.138 --> 00:20:00.610
I am... in love... with... you.
00:20:01.168 --> 00:20:04.083
[serene ambient music]
[faint shouting]
00:20:18.125 --> 00:20:23.368
- Social media is a bit like being
in our little gossip circle
00:20:23.372 --> 00:20:24.718
all the time,
00:20:24.722 --> 00:20:27.908
and we can see our own social
fortunes going up and down
00:20:27.912 --> 00:20:30.053
depending on how people
comment on what we do
00:20:30.057 --> 00:20:31.988
and how others respond to it,
00:20:31.992 --> 00:20:34.388
and not knowing,
okay, where do I stand?
00:20:34.392 --> 00:20:36.128
Am I still in the group?
00:20:36.132 --> 00:20:37.677
Am I still wanted?
00:20:37.681 --> 00:20:39.182
How have things changed?
00:20:39.186 --> 00:20:41.090
And then it becomes
sort of "Who am I?"
00:20:41.535 --> 00:20:45.198
because a lot of
our self-understanding,
00:20:45.202 --> 00:20:50.105
our self-identity is what is
given back to us by others.
00:20:53.910 --> 00:20:57.183
Aristotle says that other
people are the moral mirror.
00:20:57.187 --> 00:21:01.628
They feed back a response as to
whether I've acted well.
00:21:01.632 --> 00:21:03.598
And if you can't
keep up with the shifts
00:21:03.602 --> 00:21:05.974
in the moral mirror,
or the social mirror,
00:21:05.978 --> 00:21:08.661
you can start to lose track
of who you are.
00:21:09.899 --> 00:21:13.009
[serene ambient music]
00:21:15.967 --> 00:21:17.717
[faint text message alert]
00:21:18.944 --> 00:21:21.507
- So the technology means
we're always connected,
00:21:21.511 --> 00:21:23.312
but never to the
person in front of us.
00:21:23.316 --> 00:21:26.933
And we know from decades of research
00:21:26.937 --> 00:21:30.973
that the more real a
social encounter is,
00:21:30.977 --> 00:21:32.493
the more authentic it is,
00:21:32.497 --> 00:21:35.653
like face-to-face social connection,
the better it is.
00:21:35.657 --> 00:21:36.818
There seems to be something
00:21:36.822 --> 00:21:40.043
in human physiology or psychology
00:21:40.047 --> 00:21:43.348
that values seeing
somebody face-to-face,
00:21:43.352 --> 00:21:45.568
smelling, touching, hugging, right?
00:21:45.572 --> 00:21:47.520
There seems to be a lot
of value in that.
00:21:47.780 --> 00:21:50.198
As soon as you go
even one step beyond—
00:21:50.202 --> 00:21:52.323
video messaging, video conferencing,
00:21:52.327 --> 00:21:54.790
before that telephones, texting—
00:21:54.960 --> 00:21:57.243
with each step that it
becomes less real,
00:21:57.247 --> 00:21:59.578
those social encounters
become less effective
00:21:59.582 --> 00:22:01.643
at meeting that basic need
00:22:01.647 --> 00:22:03.229
to connect with other people.
00:22:03.233 --> 00:22:04.847
[indistinct chatter]
00:22:04.851 --> 00:22:07.550
[serene ambient music]
00:22:07.750 --> 00:22:12.113
- If you can't see the person that
you are in conversation with,
00:22:12.117 --> 00:22:15.483
you don't have to pick up on
their little emotional cues.
00:22:15.487 --> 00:22:18.418
You don't have to, you know, notice
00:22:18.422 --> 00:22:21.460
if they look a little sad when you
just said what you said.
00:22:21.740 --> 00:22:25.398
You don't have to necessarily
pick up on small nuances
00:22:25.402 --> 00:22:29.448
that are really important for
being with someone,
00:22:29.452 --> 00:22:31.350
like really being with someone.
00:22:32.575 --> 00:22:34.398
And yeah, those are the kind of skills
00:22:34.402 --> 00:22:36.723
that I think get harder
and harder to develop
00:22:36.727 --> 00:22:38.830
the more time we have to spend online.
00:22:43.435 --> 00:22:46.403
- Often, it really increases isolation
00:22:46.407 --> 00:22:48.720
because it's a one-person experience.
00:22:50.560 --> 00:22:53.553
But if you and your friends
went on a hike together,
00:22:53.557 --> 00:22:55.538
you have community
of joining together
00:22:55.542 --> 00:22:57.565
and having that experience together.
00:22:57.705 --> 00:22:59.013
So then you go back,
00:22:59.017 --> 00:23:01.825
"Remember when we had
that experience together?"
00:23:02.507 --> 00:23:04.407
[indistinct chatter]
00:23:04.648 --> 00:23:07.748
[trumpet music]
00:23:07.800 --> 00:23:10.575
- I do see it in some of my peers.
00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:13.221
Some of them talk to me
00:23:13.225 --> 00:23:16.615
as if they hadn't had any
human contact in years.
00:23:17.325 --> 00:23:19.093
I feel like they're so disconnected
00:23:19.097 --> 00:23:21.378
from normal conversation.
00:23:21.382 --> 00:23:22.968
They're like completely
different people
00:23:22.972 --> 00:23:24.361
just 'cause they've been absorbed
00:23:24.365 --> 00:23:25.448
by the internet.
00:23:26.070 --> 00:23:28.748
I have a friend who's been
particularly absorbed,
00:23:28.752 --> 00:23:30.453
and it's almost impossible
to talk with him
00:23:30.457 --> 00:23:32.518
because he has such a
short attention span.
00:23:32.522 --> 00:23:34.638
He's practically jumping from
topic to topic to topic
00:23:34.642 --> 00:23:36.050
and it's impossible to
converse with him.
00:23:44.840 --> 00:23:46.588
- I did have Facebook at one time,
00:23:46.592 --> 00:23:49.288
but all of a sudden,
it gets to this big thing
00:23:49.292 --> 00:23:51.623
that there's 8 million people
that want to connect.
00:23:51.627 --> 00:23:53.448
- And you lose the connectivity.
00:23:53.452 --> 00:23:55.878
- And it's ridiculous,
so I don't use it.
00:23:55.882 --> 00:23:57.708
And I'm getting kind of
ticked off with Instagram,
00:23:57.712 --> 00:23:59.223
because when I started it
00:23:59.227 --> 00:24:02.488
it was you and me and
my friends and that's it.
00:24:02.492 --> 00:24:04.933
Now I get two or three from you and me
00:24:04.937 --> 00:24:08.433
and 3,000 things from some guy
jumping off a building
00:24:08.437 --> 00:24:10.975
or killing a moose
or something, y'know.
00:24:12.445 --> 00:24:15.878
I just-- when it says update,
I just shut the thing off.
00:24:15.882 --> 00:24:17.575
I think I'll stop it, too.
00:24:18.977 --> 00:24:20.982
[birds squawking and chirping]
00:24:22.048 --> 00:24:23.299
[phone alert dings]
00:24:28.160 --> 00:24:30.003
- I think there's lots
of positive things
00:24:30.007 --> 00:24:33.765
that we can associate with this
technology and using it.
00:24:34.265 --> 00:24:35.412
But unfortunately,
00:24:35.416 --> 00:24:38.057
sometimes people will say
and do things online
00:24:38.061 --> 00:24:39.587
that they wouldn't necessarily
00:24:39.591 --> 00:24:41.147
in a face-to-face setting.
00:24:41.151 --> 00:24:43.713
So, people will say
more extreme things.
00:24:43.717 --> 00:24:44.685
And also,
00:24:44.825 --> 00:24:47.653
if we're developing close
friendships with people,
00:24:47.657 --> 00:24:49.658
of course we're gonna share with them,
00:24:49.662 --> 00:24:51.118
and that might be through text,
00:24:51.122 --> 00:24:52.328
or it might be through images.
00:24:52.332 --> 00:24:55.580
You might share naked photos
with your first boyfriend.
00:24:55.940 --> 00:24:57.323
And the kinds of situations
00:24:57.327 --> 00:24:59.343
that we see in the media,
like Amanda Todd,
00:24:59.347 --> 00:25:02.105
where an anonymous person stalked her,
00:25:02.345 --> 00:25:04.698
that's actually extremely rare.
00:25:04.702 --> 00:25:06.783
What's actually more
common is for kids
00:25:06.787 --> 00:25:08.504
to be really aggressive to each other,
00:25:08.508 --> 00:25:11.044
or adults to be really
aggressive to each other,
00:25:11.048 --> 00:25:12.211
or with people they know.
00:25:12.229 --> 00:25:13.664
[boxing gloves slapping]
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:18.263
But as well, oftentimes there's
battles in households
00:25:18.267 --> 00:25:21.163
about screen time,
about limiting it, controlling it.
00:25:21.167 --> 00:25:23.948
It's very top-down,
very heavy-handed by parents.
00:25:23.952 --> 00:25:25.148
And as kids get older,
00:25:25.152 --> 00:25:27.663
where they feel like they
should have some say
00:25:27.667 --> 00:25:30.638
in how they use technology,
these battles,
00:25:30.642 --> 00:25:33.063
these daily battles that are
often happening in households
00:25:33.067 --> 00:25:36.366
can really do damage to
parent-child relationships.
00:25:37.621 --> 00:25:40.473
And what happens then
is that when something,
00:25:40.477 --> 00:25:42.878
on the rare occasion something
does go bad online
00:25:42.882 --> 00:25:45.703
or there is a problem,
research is really starting to show
00:25:45.707 --> 00:25:47.983
that kids will no longer
come to adults,
00:25:47.987 --> 00:25:49.323
parents or teachers,
00:25:49.327 --> 00:25:51.683
because they think either
the parents won't get it,
00:25:51.687 --> 00:25:53.423
or they'll have a knee-jerk reaction
00:25:53.427 --> 00:25:55.478
and take the technology away.
00:25:55.482 --> 00:25:57.068
So, they're dealing
with these sometimes
00:25:57.072 --> 00:25:59.910
very big issues online by themselves.
00:26:03.560 --> 00:26:06.610
[serene ambient music]
00:26:11.239 --> 00:26:13.322
- Another example of
where we see social media
00:26:13.326 --> 00:26:15.819
really having an effect
is social comparison.
00:26:16.549 --> 00:26:18.793
You are always comparing yourself
00:26:18.797 --> 00:26:21.940
to the manicured image
of somebody else.
00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:24.138
And it's technology companies,
00:26:24.142 --> 00:26:27.438
it was their decision to direct
our attention to each other,
00:26:27.442 --> 00:26:29.833
to those aspects of our lives, right?
00:26:29.837 --> 00:26:30.913
Instead of seeing
00:26:30.917 --> 00:26:34.283
all of the hard days
that my friends have,
00:26:34.287 --> 00:26:38.433
now I see just the fantastic
vacations and dinners
00:26:38.437 --> 00:26:41.100
and all of those sort of
things that were going on.
00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:45.158
And if you feel like the
right way to live this life
00:26:45.162 --> 00:26:49.105
is to manicure your presentation
to other people,
00:26:49.110 --> 00:26:52.128
then the result of that is
going to be less intimate
00:26:52.132 --> 00:26:53.448
and less close relationships,
00:26:53.452 --> 00:26:55.970
not just on social media
but throughout all our lives.
00:26:55.976 --> 00:26:58.161
[camera shutter bursting]
[serene ambient music]
00:26:58.761 --> 00:26:59.761
[camera beeping]
00:27:11.600 --> 00:27:15.138
- I was with a friend and she was
curating an Instagram post.
00:27:15.142 --> 00:27:17.863
She spent a solid hour
looking for good pictures.
00:27:17.867 --> 00:27:20.033
When I looked through them
they all looked fine.
00:27:20.037 --> 00:27:21.588
She's like,
"Oh no, my face looks fat."
00:27:21.592 --> 00:27:23.588
" Oh my god, there's too much
shadow under my eyes."
00:27:23.592 --> 00:27:25.713
Like, it's not that big a deal.
It's just an Instagram post.
00:27:25.717 --> 00:27:27.280
Like, it's such a big deal.
00:27:27.555 --> 00:27:31.568
So I feel like...
this social media is everything.
00:27:31.572 --> 00:27:32.680
It just makes no sense.
00:27:33.049 --> 00:27:35.999
[bhangra club music]
00:27:44.855 --> 00:27:49.168
- In Japan, many teenagers
edit their face
00:27:49.172 --> 00:27:51.950
and post pictures
on their social media.
00:27:53.340 --> 00:27:57.290
Because my friends edit
their own pictures,
00:27:57.635 --> 00:28:01.160
that's why I think I
need to edit my pictures.
00:28:02.153 --> 00:28:06.063
We just want our face look like best.
00:28:06.988 --> 00:28:11.395
I don't know why we
make our eyes bigger.
00:28:11.685 --> 00:28:12.620
We just do it.
00:28:12.905 --> 00:28:16.210
Like, it is normal for us.
00:28:17.900 --> 00:28:22.905
We edit the pictures and
post to the Instagram.
00:28:23.935 --> 00:28:27.560
Many of my friends
want the double lines
00:28:28.325 --> 00:28:30.988
on the top of their eyes
00:28:30.992 --> 00:28:33.585
so they do surgeries.
00:28:34.100 --> 00:28:38.143
And some people,
they don't like their face,
00:28:38.147 --> 00:28:41.568
so they make their nose higher.
00:28:41.572 --> 00:28:44.543
They take their bones from...
00:28:44.547 --> 00:28:48.615
their ears and stick to the nose.
00:28:49.585 --> 00:28:54.003
They are always on the social media,
00:28:54.007 --> 00:28:56.008
so if they are going out
00:28:56.012 --> 00:29:00.285
they wear a mask to hide their face.
00:29:00.700 --> 00:29:03.705
[serene ambient music]
00:29:13.930 --> 00:29:18.061
- If loneliness and isolation
are being called bigger killers
00:29:18.065 --> 00:29:19.628
than smoking and cancer,
00:29:20.393 --> 00:29:23.338
it's really important not to
accept the dominant story,
00:29:23.342 --> 00:29:26.835
the narrative that we all hear
over and over and over again
00:29:27.425 --> 00:29:30.085
that community ties don't
matter as much as
00:29:30.510 --> 00:29:31.473
meeting "the one," right,
00:29:31.477 --> 00:29:34.435
doing the nuclear family thing—
the fairy tale.
00:29:36.830 --> 00:29:39.133
Pretty much every pop song we hear,
00:29:39.137 --> 00:29:40.983
they're gonna speak to
one of two narratives:
00:29:40.987 --> 00:29:45.048
either absolute bliss
because you love me back,
00:29:45.052 --> 00:29:48.595
or absolute disaster
because you don't love me back.
00:29:50.070 --> 00:29:53.220
So, we keep searching
for the fairy tale.
00:29:53.561 --> 00:29:56.486
[serene ambient music]
00:29:59.102 --> 00:30:00.337
- I have been lonely.
00:30:01.092 --> 00:30:04.383
When I came over on
the boat from Britain,
00:30:04.387 --> 00:30:07.445
I was terribly lonely in Hamilton.
00:30:08.320 --> 00:30:12.483
So, I would just go to the
Saturday night dance
00:30:12.487 --> 00:30:15.038
because we didn't
have phone or internet
00:30:15.042 --> 00:30:16.675
or any of that sort of stuff.
00:30:17.760 --> 00:30:20.148
I met a lady that I fell in love with,
00:30:20.152 --> 00:30:23.660
and we got married and
had a family and settled down.
00:30:24.280 --> 00:30:28.820
It went on well but we
did drift apart eventually.
00:30:29.520 --> 00:30:33.218
And it was like jumping off a cliff.
00:30:33.222 --> 00:30:38.240
I was 68 and I knew that
the marriage was over.
00:30:38.703 --> 00:30:40.503
[rain pattering]
00:30:40.920 --> 00:30:42.273
You're completely lost.
00:30:42.277 --> 00:30:43.390
I didn't know what I was gonna do.
00:30:43.970 --> 00:30:47.010
So, certainly I have been lonely.
00:30:47.236 --> 00:30:50.236
[serene ambient music]
00:30:51.230 --> 00:30:52.935
[thunder rumbling]
00:30:56.244 --> 00:30:57.627
[audience laughing]
00:30:57.631 --> 00:31:00.765
- Okay, make some noise
if you're single in the room.
00:31:01.030 --> 00:31:02.430
[scattered cheering]
00:31:02.555 --> 00:31:03.923
Okay. Okay.
00:31:03.927 --> 00:31:05.660
What was that, four people?
00:31:06.170 --> 00:31:08.810
And the rest of you are what? In love?
00:31:08.856 --> 00:31:09.882
[laughter]
00:31:09.886 --> 00:31:13.318
Alright, of the four
people that are single,
00:31:13.322 --> 00:31:14.960
make some noise if you're on the apps.
00:31:15.284 --> 00:31:16.584
[hesitant clapping]
00:31:16.751 --> 00:31:17.951
[laughter]
00:31:18.030 --> 00:31:18.835
What?!
00:31:19.645 --> 00:31:21.438
Okay, how are you doing this?
00:31:21.442 --> 00:31:23.038
So if you're not on the apps,
you're just—what,
00:31:23.042 --> 00:31:24.710
talking to people in real life?
00:31:24.824 --> 00:31:25.924
[laughter]
00:31:26.013 --> 00:31:27.388
[subway train clattering]
00:31:35.777 --> 00:31:36.977
[chiming tone]
00:31:38.544 --> 00:31:39.679
[Voice on intercom] Next station...
00:31:41.836 --> 00:31:44.746
- If you're single
in this day and age,
00:31:44.751 --> 00:31:46.103
you're online dating.
00:31:46.107 --> 00:31:48.598
Most age groups, most people.
00:31:48.602 --> 00:31:51.353
My generation... older,
00:31:51.357 --> 00:31:54.428
we obviously met more organically
00:31:54.432 --> 00:31:56.503
or you met your loved one at school
00:31:56.507 --> 00:31:58.028
or high school or university.
00:31:58.032 --> 00:32:01.428
And then cut to, you know,
all these years later,
00:32:01.432 --> 00:32:04.293
you're suddenly single going
through your midlife crisis.
00:32:04.297 --> 00:32:08.458
And so, of course,
you go to online dating
00:32:08.462 --> 00:32:10.391
'cause it's the status quo,
00:32:10.395 --> 00:32:12.156
it's where everyone is.
00:32:12.160 --> 00:32:15.331
And then you can literally
say what you want.
00:32:15.335 --> 00:32:17.326
So if you just want to have hookups,
00:32:17.330 --> 00:32:18.478
you can just have hookups.
00:32:18.482 --> 00:32:21.618
If you're into a lot of
things with letters,
00:32:21.622 --> 00:32:22.605
you can do that.
00:32:22.814 --> 00:32:24.317
If you like to be tied up,
00:32:24.321 --> 00:32:26.573
if you just want to be friends,
00:32:26.577 --> 00:32:28.445
there's just every option.
00:32:28.725 --> 00:32:31.838
So if you are in touch with
what it is that you want,
00:32:31.842 --> 00:32:33.555
you can actually find it.
00:32:36.610 --> 00:32:39.308
Right now I feel like if
you went out to a bar,
00:32:39.312 --> 00:32:40.593
you probably wouldn't meet somebody
00:32:40.597 --> 00:32:41.828
because that person's already there
00:32:41.832 --> 00:32:43.870
waiting for their
online date to arrive.
00:32:43.875 --> 00:32:46.945
[bossa nova jazz music]
00:32:53.755 --> 00:32:56.613
- A dating app is selling the idea
00:32:56.617 --> 00:32:59.120
that anyone can achieve this euphoric,
00:32:59.449 --> 00:33:01.382
romantic, happy ever after.
00:33:01.386 --> 00:33:03.642
You can have the fairy tale
00:33:03.646 --> 00:33:05.969
and it will also last forever.
00:33:06.114 --> 00:33:07.858
And of course we're not stupid,
00:33:07.862 --> 00:33:09.318
we know it's not true.
00:33:09.322 --> 00:33:11.883
But the sheer addiction
of scrolling, right?
00:33:11.887 --> 00:33:15.903
Every app has learned to
hack our pleasure responses
00:33:15.907 --> 00:33:18.453
so that we're-- our dopamine triggers,
00:33:18.457 --> 00:33:21.673
so that we're addicted to scrolling.
00:33:21.677 --> 00:33:23.665
And dating apps are
absolutely on top of that.
00:33:24.565 --> 00:33:27.803
The thing with dating apps, too,
is they have no incentive,
00:33:27.807 --> 00:33:30.468
financially, to help you find the one.
00:33:30.472 --> 00:33:32.320
If you find the one,
you leave the app,
00:33:32.745 --> 00:33:35.788
their revenue stream
goes down the toilet.
00:33:35.792 --> 00:33:36.795
[cash register beeping]
00:33:36.820 --> 00:33:37.999
[cash register chiming]
00:33:42.800 --> 00:33:43.928
- When I joined the apps,
00:33:43.932 --> 00:33:45.688
I definitely was looking
for a relationship.
00:33:45.692 --> 00:33:47.540
I have, you know,
I still am. [chuckling]
00:33:47.805 --> 00:33:49.623
But I lived in a smaller town,
00:33:49.627 --> 00:33:51.293
I hadn't dated in high school,
00:33:51.297 --> 00:33:54.208
and seeing all my friends
have boyfriends and whatnot.
00:33:54.212 --> 00:33:57.093
And I was plus-size still
in high school,
00:33:57.097 --> 00:34:01.003
so my self-esteem was low
going into dating apps.
00:34:01.007 --> 00:34:04.523
And it can really
wear on you when you
00:34:04.527 --> 00:34:06.818
let yourself be vulnerable and...
00:34:06.822 --> 00:34:10.910
and bear it all to, you know,
virtually a stranger.
00:34:11.590 --> 00:34:12.808
And then especially, you know,
00:34:12.812 --> 00:34:14.312
you do have a physical connection,
00:34:14.316 --> 00:34:17.927
you do, you know,
have sex and they don't call.
00:34:17.931 --> 00:34:20.960
It's very common, but it's very...
00:34:21.208 --> 00:34:25.248
yeah, it can be very
emotionally damaging.
00:34:31.591 --> 00:34:34.636
[serene ambient music]
00:34:41.636 --> 00:34:42.926
[audience laughing]
00:34:43.339 --> 00:34:44.847
- No, I'm trying, okay?
00:34:44.851 --> 00:34:46.527
I'm trying to be less lonely!
00:34:46.531 --> 00:34:47.466
You know what I'm saying?
00:34:47.891 --> 00:34:49.133
I know what the problem is, okay?
00:34:49.137 --> 00:34:51.295
I know what I look like
on Tinder, right?
00:34:51.695 --> 00:34:55.183
I look like a scientist in a
North Korea propaganda ad.
00:34:55.187 --> 00:34:56.395
Yeah I know I look like that, alright?
00:34:57.510 --> 00:34:59.605
So yeah, look how chubby I am, yeah.
00:34:59.895 --> 00:35:02.313
The great nation of
North Korea is well fed
00:35:02.317 --> 00:35:03.740
due to this guy, you know?
00:35:03.813 --> 00:35:04.993
[audience laughing]
00:35:05.880 --> 00:35:07.523
Seriously, come on, no one...
00:35:07.527 --> 00:35:08.798
no one want to go out with me?
00:35:08.802 --> 00:35:10.875
Is there any single lady
in the audience tonight?
00:35:11.565 --> 00:35:12.975
Not anymore, yeah, not anymore.
00:35:12.991 --> 00:35:14.191
[audience laughing]
00:35:14.355 --> 00:35:15.925
Not anymore, right? Yeah.
00:35:20.410 --> 00:35:21.923
- On the other hand,
00:35:21.927 --> 00:35:24.348
the apps enable something amazing,
00:35:24.352 --> 00:35:27.922
which is to be able to
connect with and meet people
00:35:27.926 --> 00:35:29.869
that you otherwise never would.
00:35:30.060 --> 00:35:32.343
And this is actually particularly
important for people
00:35:32.347 --> 00:35:35.423
who are marginalized or stigmatized.
00:35:35.427 --> 00:35:37.763
Like, the number of,
let's say queer people
00:35:37.767 --> 00:35:41.233
that you bump into in
the average small town
00:35:41.237 --> 00:35:43.408
is likely pretty small.
00:35:43.412 --> 00:35:44.373
But the number you might meet
00:35:44.377 --> 00:35:46.418
if you have access to a dating app
00:35:46.422 --> 00:35:48.183
where you can identify that way
00:35:48.187 --> 00:35:49.933
and say that's what
you're looking for—
00:35:49.937 --> 00:35:50.735
much higher.
00:35:51.120 --> 00:35:53.840
Same for people looking for a
non-monogamous relationship.
00:35:54.014 --> 00:35:56.408
You get a much wider dating pool.
00:35:56.412 --> 00:35:57.911
[waves lapping]
00:36:07.605 --> 00:36:10.660
- You have, like, this huge
selection of people,
00:36:11.100 --> 00:36:14.078
and you can be on your
sofa in your pajamas
00:36:14.082 --> 00:36:16.331
stuffing my face with popcorn
00:36:16.335 --> 00:36:18.863
or watching a TV show
at the same time.
00:36:19.133 --> 00:36:20.443
You can, like, multitask.
00:36:20.653 --> 00:36:22.508
No one cares if you've
shaved your legs.
00:36:22.512 --> 00:36:24.078
Like, you don't have to, like...
00:36:24.082 --> 00:36:25.245
I don't know. [chuckling]
00:36:25.681 --> 00:36:27.403
I am bad with online shopping,
00:36:27.407 --> 00:36:29.670
so actually it's not different.
00:36:30.680 --> 00:36:34.223
I've made some actually,
some friends from the dating apps
00:36:34.227 --> 00:36:37.653
where we realized we're not
compatible in that way,
00:36:37.657 --> 00:36:38.845
and we're still friends.
00:36:39.335 --> 00:36:41.035
So, I've actually met some
really good people.
00:36:44.750 --> 00:36:46.783
Especially in the beginning,
after being divorced
00:36:46.787 --> 00:36:49.065
and being in a long,
toxic relationship...
00:36:49.315 --> 00:36:50.880
I'm not going to have kids anymore,
00:36:51.470 --> 00:36:53.573
so I don't have that traditional,
00:36:53.577 --> 00:36:56.780
"I need to find a guy to
have a family together."
00:36:57.720 --> 00:37:01.240
So I love my job, I like living alone.
00:37:01.560 --> 00:37:03.198
I've checked all those boxes,
00:37:03.202 --> 00:37:07.898
so then I can just
add the physical part
00:37:07.902 --> 00:37:10.438
without adding the complication
00:37:10.442 --> 00:37:12.305
of adding another relationship.
00:37:14.020 --> 00:37:17.328
It's distracting, too.
00:37:17.332 --> 00:37:19.190
So, it's like a distraction thing.
00:37:19.632 --> 00:37:21.385
There's no stress really with it.
00:37:21.389 --> 00:37:23.778
So I think going out in real life
00:37:23.782 --> 00:37:25.278
would be more nerve-wracking
00:37:25.282 --> 00:37:26.995
and more stressful, right?
00:37:29.807 --> 00:37:31.007
[waves crashing]
00:37:31.725 --> 00:37:33.825
- If a dating app is...
00:37:34.785 --> 00:37:37.558
promoted for the reason
00:37:37.562 --> 00:37:40.073
that we don't like to
talk to strangers
00:37:40.077 --> 00:37:41.833
and this will help,
00:37:41.837 --> 00:37:45.788
that is going to
exacerbate the problem.
00:37:45.792 --> 00:37:49.173
We're going to be even less
adept at dealing with strangers
00:37:49.177 --> 00:37:51.628
if we're given an out, right,
00:37:51.632 --> 00:37:54.288
being nudged a bit to practice things
00:37:54.292 --> 00:37:55.668
that we might find difficult.
00:37:55.672 --> 00:37:58.610
And it's not true of all of us
that we find this difficult.
00:37:59.035 --> 00:38:01.098
There's lots of lovely people
00:38:01.102 --> 00:38:02.960
who have no problem
talking to strangers.
00:38:04.175 --> 00:38:05.948
So I think we want to be very wary
00:38:05.952 --> 00:38:10.183
of why a certain assistive tool
is offered to us,
00:38:10.187 --> 00:38:12.553
because someone in the background
00:38:12.557 --> 00:38:16.209
has a profit-related
motive for promoting it
00:38:16.213 --> 00:38:17.864
and finding quite the right angle
00:38:17.868 --> 00:38:19.406
on how to make it appealing.
00:38:19.681 --> 00:38:21.833
I think for some people, absolutely,
00:38:21.837 --> 00:38:24.898
an assistive tool is
genuinely assistive,
00:38:24.902 --> 00:38:27.370
but not necessarily for all of us.
00:38:27.778 --> 00:38:30.778
[serene ambient music]
[faint tapping]
00:38:31.850 --> 00:38:36.398
- Yeah, after many years
of unsuccessful ventures
00:38:36.402 --> 00:38:40.578
on regular dating apps
and just being sexualized
00:38:40.582 --> 00:38:43.353
and just not having a
very good time on the apps,
00:38:43.357 --> 00:38:47.945
I decided to start
making adult content.
00:38:48.605 --> 00:38:51.655
[serene ambient music]
00:38:55.127 --> 00:38:57.830
- Honestly, no, honestly,
like, I never had sex,
00:38:57.834 --> 00:38:59.843
but I think I'll be
great at the sex, though.
00:38:59.847 --> 00:39:01.578
Like I just think I'll be
great at the sex.
00:39:01.582 --> 00:39:03.985
Like, I watch a lot of
demonstration videos, right?
00:39:04.170 --> 00:39:05.680
[audience laughing]
00:39:09.221 --> 00:39:10.646
[audience laughing]
00:39:11.217 --> 00:39:13.997
[trumpet music]
00:39:21.924 --> 00:39:24.547
- At my school, the project I did,
00:39:24.551 --> 00:39:27.413
I decided to choose my
topic on pornography
00:39:27.417 --> 00:39:29.120
and how it affects the teenage brain.
00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:32.240
It was a very interesting deep dive.
00:39:33.115 --> 00:39:35.553
Like, it seems like we're
just creating substitutes
00:39:35.557 --> 00:39:37.468
for loneliness instead of
actually trying to solve
00:39:37.472 --> 00:39:38.507
the root of the problem.
00:39:38.511 --> 00:39:40.174
[pensive ambient music]
00:39:41.289 --> 00:39:43.888
As well, I found that in men
00:39:43.892 --> 00:39:47.835
it incites more violent tendencies.
00:39:48.060 --> 00:39:49.533
You know, consent isn't
always required,
00:39:49.537 --> 00:39:51.190
consent can't be revoked,
00:39:51.460 --> 00:39:54.393
that women enjoy being
physically attacked
00:39:54.397 --> 00:39:58.315
or maybe dehumanized, in essence.
00:39:59.050 --> 00:40:04.048
- People are still saying things
that are quite horrific,
00:40:04.052 --> 00:40:07.780
especially once I tell them
that I do OnlyFans.
00:40:10.440 --> 00:40:13.688
They just start immediately
spilling out all of the things
00:40:13.692 --> 00:40:16.573
that they like in the bedroom.
00:40:16.577 --> 00:40:18.803
And I'm like, have you actually
ever done those things?
00:40:18.807 --> 00:40:20.188
Do you know that you like them,
00:40:20.192 --> 00:40:22.840
or is it a fantasy because
you've watched a lot of porn?
00:40:23.140 --> 00:40:25.429
Like, I don't know if
you'd actually enjoy that.
00:40:25.434 --> 00:40:27.441
I certainly wouldn't. [chuckling]
00:40:27.445 --> 00:40:28.563
- When a real person is there,
00:40:28.567 --> 00:40:31.153
you are actually gonna
have to respect their wishes.
00:40:31.157 --> 00:40:34.108
They might not do everything
the way that you like it.
00:40:34.112 --> 00:40:35.518
They might not want to do everything
00:40:35.522 --> 00:40:38.135
the way you like it,
even if you ask nicely.
00:40:38.405 --> 00:40:40.918
And then we have to
learn how to navigate that,
00:40:40.922 --> 00:40:44.253
or whether to navigate that
or move on, right? [chuckling]
00:40:44.257 --> 00:40:47.078
And those skills can't be developed
if we're in a situation
00:40:47.082 --> 00:40:50.238
that just feeds us the nice things
that we want all the time.
00:40:50.242 --> 00:40:53.240
[serene ambient music]
00:40:54.895 --> 00:40:58.063
- Pornography is an unrealistic view
00:40:58.067 --> 00:41:01.028
of what sexuality is,
of what it looks like,
00:41:01.032 --> 00:41:03.608
of how human beings
connect with each other.
00:41:03.612 --> 00:41:05.028
And something that I see
00:41:05.032 --> 00:41:07.318
is that people start very young
00:41:07.322 --> 00:41:08.838
watching pornography,
00:41:08.842 --> 00:41:10.707
and in their 20s they're in my office
00:41:10.711 --> 00:41:13.852
because they can no longer
have an orgasm
00:41:13.856 --> 00:41:15.249
with somebody else.
00:41:16.634 --> 00:41:18.142
You don't think that
there's something wrong
00:41:18.146 --> 00:41:18.948
with the pornography.
00:41:18.952 --> 00:41:20.855
You think that there's
something wrong with you.
00:41:25.165 --> 00:41:27.213
- I know a guy who's become
00:41:27.217 --> 00:41:28.873
completely desensitized to it.
00:41:28.877 --> 00:41:30.693
I mean, he's watched it so much
00:41:30.697 --> 00:41:33.278
that it's like a no-go anymore.
00:41:33.282 --> 00:41:35.173
It's just reached a point where,
00:41:35.177 --> 00:41:37.533
you know, he's had
erectile dysfunction
00:41:37.537 --> 00:41:38.800
and stuff, but you know.
00:41:39.211 --> 00:41:42.011
[serene ambient music]
00:41:42.870 --> 00:41:45.188
- I think pornography serves a purpose
00:41:45.192 --> 00:41:49.358
and, you know, it's used for
enjoyment by lots of people.
00:41:49.362 --> 00:41:53.198
And I think it can be informative
00:41:53.202 --> 00:41:56.583
and helping them learn
different things about sex.
00:41:56.587 --> 00:41:59.333
Unfortunately,
a lot of it is problematic—
00:41:59.337 --> 00:42:01.798
misogynistic,
maybe violent, et cetera—
00:42:01.802 --> 00:42:03.828
and not necessarily realistic
00:42:03.832 --> 00:42:07.140
about what actual sexual
encounters look like.
00:42:07.742 --> 00:42:09.142
[waves lapping]
00:42:10.225 --> 00:42:12.618
- What I have been experiencing now
00:42:12.622 --> 00:42:17.680
with just normal dating
is trying to navigate...
00:42:18.055 --> 00:42:22.450
how or when to tell people
that I am doing OnlyFans.
00:42:23.845 --> 00:42:28.258
OnlyFans is a platform,
it's a website.
00:42:28.262 --> 00:42:30.383
For me, it's a
monthly paid subscription.
00:42:30.387 --> 00:42:33.536
And then I post videos and photos,
00:42:33.540 --> 00:42:35.930
and everyone that's paid to subscribe
00:42:35.934 --> 00:42:37.457
can see all of it.
00:42:37.737 --> 00:42:41.103
Like lingerie, underwear, fully naked,
00:42:41.107 --> 00:42:42.410
little sex acts.
00:42:42.735 --> 00:42:44.595
Mostly solo, some with partners.
00:42:46.440 --> 00:42:49.940
There are men out there who
fetishize plus-size women,
00:42:49.950 --> 00:42:53.928
but then there are those that
do actually want the connection
00:42:53.932 --> 00:42:56.080
and the personality and all that.
00:42:57.585 --> 00:42:58.998
And I think
00:42:59.003 --> 00:43:02.999
they need another person
to love them, too. [chuckling]
00:43:04.015 --> 00:43:08.038
But at the same time,
I do believe that,
00:43:08.042 --> 00:43:11.318
like, a lot of people are
already addicted to pornography
00:43:11.322 --> 00:43:13.195
and the online intimacy.
00:43:13.908 --> 00:43:16.168
Technology is crazy. [laughing]
00:43:16.453 --> 00:43:18.993
[gears creaking]
[serene ambient music]
00:43:27.246 --> 00:43:28.746
[beeping tones]
00:43:31.032 --> 00:43:35.040
- We're starting to see
big questions facing
00:43:35.044 --> 00:43:37.703
not just cities,
but just society in general,
00:43:37.707 --> 00:43:39.758
as we automate certain types of work,
00:43:39.762 --> 00:43:42.368
like touch screens that
we're seeing everywhere
00:43:42.372 --> 00:43:44.453
that are replacing the person
00:43:44.457 --> 00:43:46.958
who used to be there in front of you.
00:43:46.962 --> 00:43:48.882
You know, the grocery clerk who
00:43:48.886 --> 00:43:50.889
maybe lives in your neighborhood
that used to be there.
00:43:51.489 --> 00:43:52.989
[beeping tones]
00:43:55.059 --> 00:43:56.670
- The self-checkout piece,
00:43:56.885 --> 00:43:58.878
it takes away from
having any sort of
00:43:58.882 --> 00:44:00.543
common experience with anybody
00:44:00.547 --> 00:44:03.008
and it takes away from
what we were built to do,
00:44:03.012 --> 00:44:05.548
which is, as a village,
have common experience
00:44:05.552 --> 00:44:07.708
with people you don't know
and strangers.
00:44:07.712 --> 00:44:10.043
So, it's not a surprise to me
that social anxiety
00:44:10.047 --> 00:44:11.133
is much higher
00:44:11.137 --> 00:44:14.038
and people are much more
afraid to talk to other people.
00:44:14.042 --> 00:44:15.285
- [A.I. voice] Thank you for shopping.
00:44:15.710 --> 00:44:16.665
Thank you for shopping.
00:44:17.410 --> 00:44:18.210
Thank you for shopping.
00:44:19.020 --> 00:44:20.070
Thank you for shopping.
00:44:21.185 --> 00:44:23.658
- People tend to
underestimate the value
00:44:23.662 --> 00:44:26.883
of what we call
minimal social interactions,
00:44:26.887 --> 00:44:29.183
but those social connections
are actually meaningful.
00:44:29.187 --> 00:44:31.178
They reduce our loneliness.
00:44:31.182 --> 00:44:33.368
They make us feel
less socially vigilant,
00:44:33.372 --> 00:44:35.470
make us feel more part
of a safe community
00:44:35.474 --> 00:44:37.762
where the people around me matter.
00:44:40.532 --> 00:44:43.567
[serene ambient music]
00:44:46.472 --> 00:44:48.473
- I've never done
so much family therapy
00:44:48.477 --> 00:44:50.140
with parents and their kids.
00:44:51.495 --> 00:44:54.598
The window of tolerance
for people these days
00:44:54.602 --> 00:44:56.708
is getting smaller and smaller,
00:44:56.712 --> 00:45:00.660
and I recognize that most with
the children that I work with
00:45:01.810 --> 00:45:04.700
because they live in a world where
everything is so accessible.
00:45:05.255 --> 00:45:06.108
"What do you mean,
00:45:06.112 --> 00:45:07.908
I can't play the song
I really want right now?
00:45:07.912 --> 00:45:08.708
What do you mean,
00:45:08.712 --> 00:45:10.563
I can't watch that show right now?
00:45:10.567 --> 00:45:11.403
What do you mean,
00:45:11.407 --> 00:45:13.103
I have to wait for it to come on?"
00:45:13.107 --> 00:45:15.035
They live in a completely
different generation.
00:45:15.415 --> 00:45:16.840
"Just mobile order that.
00:45:17.215 --> 00:45:18.683
Just get it off Amazon.
00:45:18.687 --> 00:45:21.090
Just put it in your phone.
It's in your phone."
00:45:21.575 --> 00:45:25.060
- I like apples, olives...
00:45:28.279 --> 00:45:29.994
strawberries, all done.
00:45:30.419 --> 00:45:31.859
My fruit.
00:45:32.566 --> 00:45:33.550
[beeping tones]
00:45:34.555 --> 00:45:37.748
- I think that the integration
of different technologies
00:45:37.752 --> 00:45:38.938
into people's lives,
00:45:38.942 --> 00:45:41.473
people have seen that shift
in really dramatic ways,
00:45:41.477 --> 00:45:46.620
going from, you know,
telegrams to mobile smartphones.
00:45:48.058 --> 00:45:51.356
One of the really interesting
pieces with technology is,
00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:52.741
particularly for older adults,
00:45:52.745 --> 00:45:55.625
the socioeconomic component,
the digital divide.
00:45:56.825 --> 00:45:58.298
As with most things in life,
00:45:58.302 --> 00:45:59.783
there are the haves
and the have-nots,
00:45:59.787 --> 00:46:01.338
and the people that
have the technologies
00:46:01.342 --> 00:46:02.453
and know how to use them
00:46:02.457 --> 00:46:03.603
are probably going to reap the benefits
00:46:03.607 --> 00:46:05.618
in terms of social connectedness,
you know,
00:46:05.622 --> 00:46:07.535
physical health, mental health,
whatever that might be.
00:46:08.435 --> 00:46:10.893
But people that are falling
on the negative side
00:46:10.897 --> 00:46:13.798
of the digital divide
that don't have the access,
00:46:13.802 --> 00:46:16.138
don't have the resources,
don't have the digital literacy
00:46:16.142 --> 00:46:20.045
to be able to use these technologies,
are going to be lost.
00:46:20.074 --> 00:46:24.109
[indistinct chatter]
[serene ambient music]
00:46:32.176 --> 00:46:33.686
[indistinct crowd noise]
00:46:39.821 --> 00:46:41.285
[ATM buttons beeping]
00:46:41.289 --> 00:46:43.176
- We're going to make lots of choices
00:46:43.180 --> 00:46:45.203
besides just replacing cashiers
00:46:45.207 --> 00:46:46.545
with touchscreens.
00:46:47.296 --> 00:46:48.404
Now with AI,
00:46:48.408 --> 00:46:50.049
I think there's going
to be lots of ways
00:46:50.053 --> 00:46:53.498
in which the economy,
in which the markets find ways
00:46:53.502 --> 00:46:56.198
to get us to rely on them more
00:46:56.202 --> 00:46:57.855
and rely on each other less.
00:46:58.030 --> 00:46:59.894
And that is only becoming
easier and easier
00:46:59.898 --> 00:47:01.171
for them to do with technology.
00:47:01.511 --> 00:47:05.211
[whirring digital noise]
[serene ambient music]
00:47:09.016 --> 00:47:11.016
[robot whirring]
00:47:18.680 --> 00:47:21.665
[serene ambient music]
00:47:22.600 --> 00:47:25.053
AI is introducing a world
that none of us
00:47:25.057 --> 00:47:26.028
are familiar with.
00:47:26.032 --> 00:47:29.168
I think that the positive
aspects are wide-ranging,
00:47:29.172 --> 00:47:32.093
like radiology being able to
identify tumors with AI.
00:47:32.097 --> 00:47:34.748
There's some fantastic
developments been going on.
00:47:34.752 --> 00:47:35.938
As with any technology,
00:47:35.942 --> 00:47:36.887
it's a double-edged sword.
00:47:36.891 --> 00:47:37.822
There are pros and cons,
00:47:37.826 --> 00:47:40.529
and I think there's a lot of
misinformation around AI.
00:47:40.865 --> 00:47:42.408
[EKG monitor beeping]
00:47:42.410 --> 00:47:45.655
It can absolutely be used
for positive purposes...
00:47:46.090 --> 00:47:48.460
but also not-so positive purposes.
00:47:48.770 --> 00:47:51.018
I think if you are looking at machines
00:47:51.022 --> 00:47:53.420
as having, like, a personal
relationship as in...
00:47:55.115 --> 00:47:56.833
where there's a bond
between the individual
00:47:56.837 --> 00:47:59.098
and this machine,
that gets into a little...
00:47:59.932 --> 00:48:01.435
a little grayer area.
00:48:01.517 --> 00:48:04.617
[airy shakuhachi music]
00:48:09.280 --> 00:48:12.383
- In Japan, some guy, he is lonely
00:48:12.387 --> 00:48:16.473
and he don't have family or friends,
00:48:16.477 --> 00:48:21.688
so that's why he is friends
with the girls from anime.
00:48:21.692 --> 00:48:24.690
[whimsical music]
00:48:28.300 --> 00:48:30.783
He buys food,
00:48:30.787 --> 00:48:32.885
but the girls can't eat the food,
00:48:32.890 --> 00:48:35.348
but he prepare food for her
00:48:35.352 --> 00:48:38.010
and he eat with her.
00:48:38.065 --> 00:48:39.065
[whimsical music]
00:48:39.190 --> 00:48:41.650
I think they're kind of strange.
00:48:44.525 --> 00:48:47.560
[serene ambient music]
[distorted digital tones]
00:48:58.676 --> 00:49:01.313
- So as technology advances
00:49:01.317 --> 00:49:04.498
there's the opportunity
to have individuals
00:49:04.502 --> 00:49:07.480
connect via Wi-Fi
with another individual,
00:49:07.484 --> 00:49:10.055
and that allows people
to have intimacy
00:49:10.059 --> 00:49:11.940
from all different parts of the world
00:49:11.944 --> 00:49:14.338
when they're either apart temporarily,
00:49:14.342 --> 00:49:17.740
or in some cases when
they never live together.
00:49:17.915 --> 00:49:21.708
For example, there's a couple
from two different countries
00:49:21.712 --> 00:49:23.240
in a monogamous relationship.
00:49:23.365 --> 00:49:25.928
They have never
met each other in person,
00:49:25.932 --> 00:49:30.360
but have intimacy via these products.
00:49:30.695 --> 00:49:33.653
- Their Bluetooth are
connected to your computer
00:49:33.657 --> 00:49:37.288
and you can give someone
the code to type in,
00:49:37.292 --> 00:49:40.603
and they can have
control of the settings
00:49:40.607 --> 00:49:42.408
and the speeds, things like that.
00:49:44.151 --> 00:49:48.128
- The latest technology also
allows for virtual reality,
00:49:48.132 --> 00:49:51.585
for people to feel
connected to each other.
00:49:52.445 --> 00:49:56.708
There's also integration with
technology into porn,
00:49:56.712 --> 00:50:00.015
and the individual would
feel fully immersed.
00:50:03.346 --> 00:50:06.133
[unsettling ambient drone]
00:50:06.137 --> 00:50:10.013
But the vast majority
of what we sell is
00:50:10.017 --> 00:50:13.148
still people using them together
in the same space.
00:50:13.152 --> 00:50:16.653
I believe that being able to connect
00:50:16.657 --> 00:50:18.353
is an important part of life,
00:50:18.357 --> 00:50:20.788
and is something that for me,
00:50:20.792 --> 00:50:22.535
I believe is very positive.
00:50:27.755 --> 00:50:30.948
- I think there's a place
for sex tech, right?
00:50:30.952 --> 00:50:32.693
Sexual technologies. [chuckling]
00:50:32.697 --> 00:50:34.658
You know, I think in a lot of cases
00:50:34.662 --> 00:50:36.623
they can actually be helpful to
00:50:36.627 --> 00:50:37.423
not just individuals.
00:50:37.427 --> 00:50:40.308
I think they can save
relationships, potentially,
00:50:40.312 --> 00:50:41.918
where people have a need
00:50:41.922 --> 00:50:43.163
that's not met by the partner,
00:50:43.167 --> 00:50:44.423
it's met by a piece of technology.
00:50:44.427 --> 00:50:46.418
Great, that means
they can stay together
00:50:46.422 --> 00:50:48.844
in whatever way they need to.
00:50:48.848 --> 00:50:49.817
That's all great.
00:50:49.821 --> 00:50:52.799
[serene ambient music]
00:50:53.555 --> 00:50:56.088
But I think artificial intelligence
00:50:56.092 --> 00:50:57.918
is really going to ramp this up,
00:50:57.922 --> 00:50:59.374
and this is a real worry
00:50:59.378 --> 00:51:02.599
the better... "better"
the technology gets
00:51:02.603 --> 00:51:05.576
at providing what we "want".
00:51:13.310 --> 00:51:15.943
- [A.I.] Hey you,
I'm Alice, a 25 years-old,
00:51:15.947 --> 00:51:18.038
fun-loving and adventurous girl.
00:51:18.042 --> 00:51:20.208
You can chat with me
as much as you want,
00:51:20.212 --> 00:51:22.998
and I'd be more than happy
to learn more about you
00:51:23.002 --> 00:51:25.085
and please you in any way I can.
00:51:27.505 --> 00:51:30.265
- But it's not a
real person to talk to,
00:51:30.969 --> 00:51:32.689
and I think that's what's missing.
00:51:35.944 --> 00:51:36.742
There--
00:51:36.746 --> 00:51:37.634
To have-- So,--
00:51:37.638 --> 00:51:40.691
So when you sit and
you talk to a real person,
00:51:40.695 --> 00:51:41.866
what's happening?
00:51:41.870 --> 00:51:44.843
My body is mirroring your body.
00:51:45.088 --> 00:51:48.958
Our breathing will start to
match each other.
00:51:48.962 --> 00:51:52.518
We start co-regulating
each other, right?
00:51:52.522 --> 00:51:53.705
We start connecting.
00:51:53.720 --> 00:51:55.690
[glitchy vocal distortion]
00:51:56.731 --> 00:51:57.999
[indistinct chatter]
00:51:58.395 --> 00:52:01.258
- That's why I can't find
a sex doll, right?
00:52:01.262 --> 00:52:03.705
Because sex dolls,
they don't hug back, you know?
00:52:03.880 --> 00:52:04.721
They don't hug back.
00:52:04.725 --> 00:52:06.266
Like, when I'm hugging a sex doll,
00:52:06.270 --> 00:52:08.533
she's just, "Ahhh,"
like it's not-- it's not the same.
00:52:08.537 --> 00:52:09.656
[audience laughing]
00:52:09.756 --> 00:52:11.428
She's not hugging back at me, right?
00:52:11.432 --> 00:52:13.413
She's not stroking my hair,
00:52:13.417 --> 00:52:15.993
telling me it's all gonna
be okay, you know?
00:52:15.997 --> 00:52:17.903
Like I know, yeah, there's AI voices.
00:52:17.907 --> 00:52:20.580
I can put AI voices
on a sex doll, right?
00:52:20.584 --> 00:52:21.926
"I love you, Robert."
00:52:21.973 --> 00:52:23.158
[audience laughing]
00:52:23.422 --> 00:52:26.467
[ambient drone]
[distorted digital tones]
00:52:28.463 --> 00:52:32.838
- When we become attached to a being
00:52:32.842 --> 00:52:34.890
that doesn't actually need us,
00:52:35.964 --> 00:52:39.299
we need to make sure
that attachment doesn't
00:52:40.099 --> 00:52:43.098
displace our connections with people
00:52:43.102 --> 00:52:45.195
and beings who do need us.
00:52:48.095 --> 00:52:49.260
For example,
00:52:49.630 --> 00:52:52.018
there was an instance
of a baby who died
00:52:52.022 --> 00:52:56.098
because the parents were
much more committed
00:52:56.102 --> 00:53:00.600
to an online creation
than to their baby.
00:53:00.628 --> 00:53:03.638
[serene ambient music]
00:53:04.350 --> 00:53:07.593
I think the best connection
is loving and supporting
00:53:07.597 --> 00:53:11.290
someone else and being
valued for that support.
00:53:11.525 --> 00:53:16.363
And we can only tell ourselves
a story for so long
00:53:16.367 --> 00:53:21.610
about a doll or a robot
or a virtual reality.
00:53:21.616 --> 00:53:23.616
[mechanical squeaking]
00:53:26.285 --> 00:53:29.260
[distored ambient drone]
00:53:32.922 --> 00:53:35.515
- In the 1990s,
when I was coming of age,
00:53:35.519 --> 00:53:37.476
it was actually a fundamentally
00:53:37.480 --> 00:53:39.853
optimistic time in many ways.
00:53:40.403 --> 00:53:42.868
The internet was just arriving,
00:53:42.872 --> 00:53:47.383
enabling us to do things
that were truly inspiring
00:53:47.387 --> 00:53:49.325
and opened up new possibilities.
00:53:50.135 --> 00:53:52.043
And then over time, you know,
00:53:52.047 --> 00:53:54.950
it just seems that we've sort of
descended into this...
00:53:55.425 --> 00:53:58.015
this maddening dystopia.
00:53:58.340 --> 00:54:02.365
That all that potential
that we felt in the 1990s,
00:54:03.586 --> 00:54:07.486
we've seen it kind of
rot on the vine.
00:54:09.796 --> 00:54:11.713
Add to that climate change,
00:54:11.717 --> 00:54:13.908
add to that extreme weather events,
00:54:13.912 --> 00:54:16.848
and we live in an age of anxiety.
00:54:16.852 --> 00:54:19.317
[strong wind howling]
00:54:19.319 --> 00:54:22.219
[thunder rumbling]
[serene ambient music]
00:54:30.809 --> 00:54:33.829
[thunder booming]
[rain cascading]
00:54:42.506 --> 00:54:43.999
[flames roaring]
00:54:46.126 --> 00:54:48.486
- Loneliness is disconnect,
00:54:49.576 --> 00:54:52.193
and climate change is this thing
00:54:52.197 --> 00:54:53.738
that is all around us.
00:54:53.742 --> 00:54:55.893
So necessarily when
we're talking about
00:54:55.897 --> 00:54:58.773
changes in the environment,
00:54:58.777 --> 00:55:00.588
we have to pause and ask,
00:55:00.592 --> 00:55:04.133
what is it that might be
changing within us as well?
00:55:04.137 --> 00:55:06.460
We're enmeshed in this thing.
00:55:06.820 --> 00:55:10.438
There's no separateness
in terms of the person
00:55:10.442 --> 00:55:11.990
versus the environment.
00:55:14.515 --> 00:55:16.013
And so to the extent
00:55:16.017 --> 00:55:18.538
that climate change spurs disconnect,
00:55:18.542 --> 00:55:20.443
I think we can also understand it
00:55:20.447 --> 00:55:22.153
as spurring loneliness.
00:55:22.157 --> 00:55:25.170
[serene ambient music]
00:55:33.580 --> 00:55:35.568
You don't even need to be born yet
00:55:35.572 --> 00:55:38.315
to experience some of the
effects of climate change.
00:55:38.468 --> 00:55:39.868
[heart beating]
00:55:42.420 --> 00:55:43.323
By way of example,
00:55:43.327 --> 00:55:45.458
here's a study from a
New York researcher
00:55:45.462 --> 00:55:47.108
named Yoko Nomura.
00:55:47.112 --> 00:55:48.963
This was initiated in 2009.
00:55:48.967 --> 00:55:51.913
It followed hundreds of
expecting mothers.
00:55:51.917 --> 00:55:54.923
And then Hurricane Sandy
rolls into town, right,
00:55:54.927 --> 00:55:58.023
one of the greatest environmental
stressors of them all,
00:55:58.027 --> 00:55:58.910
a hurricane.
00:55:59.225 --> 00:56:02.383
And Dr. Nomura
split her research cohort
00:56:02.387 --> 00:56:03.435
into two halves.
00:56:04.495 --> 00:56:06.303
First, there were those children
00:56:06.307 --> 00:56:09.178
who were either
conceived after the storm
00:56:09.182 --> 00:56:11.135
or had been born before it.
00:56:12.060 --> 00:56:13.603
And then there were those children
00:56:13.607 --> 00:56:15.900
who experienced it in utero.
00:56:16.225 --> 00:56:17.488
And what did they find?
00:56:17.492 --> 00:56:19.043
Kids who grew up
00:56:19.047 --> 00:56:22.158
after having experienced
Sandy in utero
00:56:22.162 --> 00:56:25.823
were 20, 30, 40 times as likely
00:56:25.827 --> 00:56:28.658
to experience conditions
like anxiety,
00:56:28.662 --> 00:56:33.120
depression, conduct disorder, ADHD.
00:56:33.680 --> 00:56:37.153
And so here's an example
of a weather event
00:56:37.157 --> 00:56:39.448
that you haven't even experienced
00:56:39.452 --> 00:56:42.413
outside of your mother's womb
00:56:42.417 --> 00:56:45.603
already setting some kind of
trajectory out before you
00:56:45.607 --> 00:56:47.003
in terms of how you might relate
00:56:47.007 --> 00:56:48.995
to other people later in life.
00:56:51.034 --> 00:56:52.334
[bell resonating]
00:56:59.160 --> 00:57:00.828
- It feels like these
huge corporations
00:57:00.832 --> 00:57:02.353
just say whatever they want
00:57:02.357 --> 00:57:04.510
and it's completely untrue.
00:57:04.594 --> 00:57:07.207
And I feel like so much
deeper stuff is going on,
00:57:07.211 --> 00:57:08.380
but no one cares.
00:57:08.500 --> 00:57:10.218
Like climate change was a huge issue
00:57:10.222 --> 00:57:11.840
back in 2019—COVID.
00:57:12.315 --> 00:57:14.458
Then scientists produced
those studies saying that,
00:57:14.462 --> 00:57:17.373
you know, the world has become
more clean in COVID.
00:57:17.377 --> 00:57:18.875
And then it turns out
that half of those
00:57:18.879 --> 00:57:20.312
were done by oil companies.
00:57:20.662 --> 00:57:25.260
So, it feels like we're just being
told to "don't look up."
00:57:26.312 --> 00:57:28.317
[faint traffic noise]
00:57:30.123 --> 00:57:31.483
[distant siren wailing]
00:57:33.999 --> 00:57:35.999
[bell resonating]
00:57:36.026 --> 00:57:37.999
[waves lapping]
00:57:44.839 --> 00:57:48.067
- When it comes to climate anxiety,
00:57:48.071 --> 00:57:49.843
as experienced by young people, right—
00:57:49.847 --> 00:57:54.373
this notion of fear or
worry about the future
00:57:54.377 --> 00:57:56.890
that is just relentless—
00:57:57.200 --> 00:58:02.173
often anxiety as a pathology is framed
00:58:02.177 --> 00:58:04.090
in terms of irrationality, right?
00:58:04.123 --> 00:58:05.508
It's an irrational worry.
00:58:05.646 --> 00:58:09.141
It's an irrational fear of
some impending doom.
00:58:09.411 --> 00:58:13.190
There's nothing irrational about
climate anxiety, right?
00:58:13.690 --> 00:58:17.345
We should be concerned about
the future that is coming.
00:58:17.699 --> 00:58:18.899
[bulldozer rumbling and beeping]
00:58:22.820 --> 00:58:25.898
To me, climate anxiety
is yet another mode
00:58:25.902 --> 00:58:27.663
of expressing disconnect.
00:58:27.667 --> 00:58:30.153
It's another mode of
expressing loneliness
00:58:30.157 --> 00:58:32.163
because young people feel
00:58:32.167 --> 00:58:35.568
they've been left behind
by older generations
00:58:35.572 --> 00:58:38.068
who have perpetrated
dozens and dozens
00:58:38.072 --> 00:58:39.970
and dozens of environmental harms
00:58:39.974 --> 00:58:41.912
and left them to pick up the pieces.
00:58:45.172 --> 00:58:49.508
And so this is not
an irrational fear.
00:58:49.512 --> 00:58:53.528
This is a very justified,
anxious response
00:58:53.532 --> 00:58:56.325
to a future that is not only coming,
00:58:56.329 --> 00:58:58.337
but coming for them in a manner
00:58:58.341 --> 00:59:01.528
that doesn't seem to be
being prevented
00:59:01.532 --> 00:59:03.540
by those who are meant
to protect them.
00:59:04.380 --> 00:59:05.765
[intense flames roaring]
00:59:13.478 --> 00:59:15.331
As the climate changes,
00:59:15.335 --> 00:59:17.898
I think there's a
catch-22 here, right,
00:59:17.902 --> 00:59:20.535
because heat and aggression,
00:59:20.543 --> 00:59:23.320
heat and intolerance
have long been linked.
00:59:23.324 --> 00:59:25.610
We've known this for centuries.
00:59:25.614 --> 00:59:26.847
[flames roaring]
00:59:28.900 --> 00:59:31.848
It's only recently that we've
begun to ask this question
00:59:31.852 --> 00:59:33.363
at the neurological level.
00:59:33.367 --> 00:59:35.838
And unfortunately there does appear
00:59:35.842 --> 00:59:38.568
to be a very consistent
relationship there
00:59:38.572 --> 00:59:40.800
between heat and aggression.
00:59:40.968 --> 00:59:42.723
[indistinct crowd noises]
00:59:44.640 --> 00:59:47.863
And so with these effects
of heat on the brain,
00:59:47.867 --> 00:59:52.173
the effects of heat that prime us
toward a lack of an ability
00:59:52.177 --> 00:59:54.213
to relate to one another,
00:59:54.217 --> 00:59:58.248
there's this really unfortunate
catch-22, effectively,
00:59:58.252 --> 01:00:02.308
that says, "Well, you probably
need collective action
01:00:02.312 --> 01:00:04.663
in order to solve the climate crisis."
01:00:04.667 --> 01:00:07.158
But one of the things that
climate change is really good at
01:00:07.162 --> 01:00:09.869
is isolating us from one another
01:00:09.873 --> 01:00:11.816
and from the world around us.
01:00:12.823 --> 01:00:14.987
[serene ambient music]
01:00:14.989 --> 01:00:17.388
[indistinct chatter]
01:00:31.863 --> 01:00:34.041
Listen, I don't wanna leave people
01:00:34.044 --> 01:00:35.740
in the fetal position here.
01:00:35.860 --> 01:00:38.388
This is scary stuff, and also
01:00:38.392 --> 01:00:42.618
I don't think it needs to
inspire fear, per se.
01:00:42.622 --> 01:00:45.898
I think it should inspire
concern and awareness,
01:00:45.902 --> 01:00:49.278
but it's then what we do with
that awareness that matters.
01:00:49.282 --> 01:00:52.080
[serene ambient music]
01:00:52.439 --> 01:00:55.243
And it's only going to
be with one another
01:00:55.247 --> 01:00:58.068
that we can collectively
come up with solutions
01:00:58.072 --> 01:00:59.040
to this crisis.
01:00:59.684 --> 01:01:01.769
And that's actually very beautiful.
01:01:01.790 --> 01:01:04.875
[serene ambient music]
01:01:04.878 --> 01:01:07.007
[birds chirping]
01:01:34.416 --> 01:01:38.839
- This place is like a respite
for weary travelers
01:01:38.843 --> 01:01:39.845
along the way.
01:01:45.765 --> 01:01:47.163
You know, a lot of people are lonely.
01:01:47.167 --> 01:01:48.868
They just want to be held or heard.
01:01:48.872 --> 01:01:50.170
You know what I mean? Just...
01:01:50.785 --> 01:01:52.135
Yeah, it's lonely out there.
01:01:53.370 --> 01:01:55.813
I've been blessed to
interact with some people
01:01:55.817 --> 01:01:57.353
over the time that I've been here,
01:01:57.357 --> 01:01:59.298
and most of them just want
that human contact,
01:01:59.302 --> 01:02:00.436
like giving them a hug.
01:02:00.440 --> 01:02:01.336
Like last week,
01:02:01.340 --> 01:02:02.158
I gave this guy a hug
01:02:02.162 --> 01:02:03.655
and I told him he was important.
01:02:04.015 --> 01:02:05.395
And he cried, he cried.
01:02:05.830 --> 01:02:07.163
It touched me, it touched me.
01:02:07.167 --> 01:02:08.700
I didn't expect him to react like that,
01:02:08.704 --> 01:02:11.115
but he needed to hear that
that at that time, you know?
01:02:11.585 --> 01:02:12.785
[indistinct chatter]
01:02:12.810 --> 01:02:14.135
- I don't know, I'll ask.
01:02:14.889 --> 01:02:16.559
Oh, I got sugar on my dress.
01:02:17.230 --> 01:02:18.895
I was working in a law firm.
01:02:19.540 --> 01:02:22.913
And you do the same thing every day
01:02:22.917 --> 01:02:25.133
and you're doing important work
01:02:25.137 --> 01:02:27.478
but you kind of feel
your life dragging by.
01:02:27.482 --> 01:02:29.063
You're not really talking to anyone
01:02:29.067 --> 01:02:31.840
and you're in a windowless
room a lot of the time.
01:02:32.760 --> 01:02:36.215
But this restaurant is a place where
01:02:36.640 --> 01:02:39.070
I actually feel like I'm
01:02:39.645 --> 01:02:41.548
doing something with my life.
01:02:41.552 --> 01:02:43.043
You know, I just live up the street.
01:02:43.047 --> 01:02:45.578
Like, I'm surrounded by my neighbors.
01:02:45.582 --> 01:02:48.093
It's nice, I get to walk to work
and say, "Good morning,
01:02:48.097 --> 01:02:49.788
good morning, good morning," you know?
01:02:49.792 --> 01:02:50.590
And...
01:02:51.580 --> 01:02:58.155
It's a great way to be
part of my community.
01:03:01.065 --> 01:03:02.553
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
01:03:02.557 --> 01:03:03.367
[phone ringing]
01:03:03.371 --> 01:03:04.520
Ovaltine Cafe.
01:03:05.310 --> 01:03:08.188
Coming to a place where, you know,
01:03:08.192 --> 01:03:09.638
you can sit down and eat a meal
01:03:09.642 --> 01:03:12.248
is one really good way to
avoid feelings of loneliness.
01:03:12.252 --> 01:03:15.230
And it's a great way to
meet people, to make friends,
01:03:15.360 --> 01:03:16.293
in this room.
01:03:16.297 --> 01:03:19.080
I think it would be impossible
to be lonely in here.
01:03:21.820 --> 01:03:24.388
But it's not just about
coming to a restaurant.
01:03:24.392 --> 01:03:26.560
It's about eating Grace's cooking—
01:03:26.880 --> 01:03:29.363
her spaghetti, her meatloaf,
eggs and hash browns,
01:03:29.367 --> 01:03:31.350
cooked the way she cooks it.
01:03:31.620 --> 01:03:33.333
Grace has been cooking for people
01:03:33.337 --> 01:03:36.780
in the neighborhood for
as long as I've been alive.
01:03:37.158 --> 01:03:38.458
[indistinct chatter]
01:03:41.135 --> 01:03:43.665
- I like this kind of work.
01:03:44.478 --> 01:03:46.628
I always like talking to people.
01:03:46.813 --> 01:03:48.255
They teach me lots of things.
01:03:49.550 --> 01:03:50.825
Some customer,
01:03:51.495 --> 01:03:53.895
we know them, like, over 20 years,
01:03:54.080 --> 01:03:55.165
just like a family.
01:03:55.685 --> 01:03:58.718
I know them like
a little girl, little boy,
01:03:58.722 --> 01:04:01.175
with grandma hold hands before.
01:04:01.380 --> 01:04:03.833
Right now, they grow up really big.
01:04:03.837 --> 01:04:05.660
They still come to here.
01:04:09.160 --> 01:04:10.940
Sometimes old customer,
01:04:11.485 --> 01:04:13.820
I give them my cell phone number.
01:04:14.400 --> 01:04:15.695
Sometimes they need help.
01:04:15.898 --> 01:04:17.538
Even they go in the hospital,
01:04:17.783 --> 01:04:20.861
they not really like the food,
they can call me,
01:04:20.865 --> 01:04:23.273
"Grace, I like a hamburger steak."
01:04:23.298 --> 01:04:24.473
I go. [laughing]
01:04:30.383 --> 01:04:32.733
Some people, they come here,
01:04:32.737 --> 01:04:36.605
they like talking to us
when they not that happy.
01:04:37.075 --> 01:04:40.548
Like me, I said,
"My English not good,
01:04:40.552 --> 01:04:42.101
but I can listen.
01:04:42.104 --> 01:04:43.461
Tell me."
01:04:46.420 --> 01:04:47.705
- That's a community.
01:04:48.685 --> 01:04:51.180
That is something we need to
start teaching in schools.
01:04:51.470 --> 01:04:53.200
It needs to be part of the curriculum,
01:04:53.640 --> 01:04:57.033
the same way that we've included
all these different dietary,
01:04:57.037 --> 01:05:00.293
nutrition— that's all in the
school system now, right?
01:05:00.297 --> 01:05:02.138
So I think incorporating a way
01:05:02.142 --> 01:05:05.988
in which teaching people
how to not just connect,
01:05:05.992 --> 01:05:09.545
but how to build long-term
connections with people.
01:05:09.727 --> 01:05:10.524
[applause and cheering]
01:05:10.528 --> 01:05:12.025
I think that's a big piece to it.
01:05:12.540 --> 01:05:13.999
[indistinct chatter]
01:05:18.275 --> 01:05:19.755
[trumpet music]
01:05:22.810 --> 01:05:23.790
- I play a lot of trumpet.
01:05:23.794 --> 01:05:26.182
I do about 21 hours
of trumpet a week.
01:05:26.717 --> 01:05:29.038
I hang out with friends
a lot during the weekends
01:05:29.042 --> 01:05:30.195
and over the breaks.
01:05:31.385 --> 01:05:33.740
I go camping a lot and
I never bring my phone.
01:05:35.825 --> 01:05:38.090
Recently it was, like,
three days straight.
01:05:39.760 --> 01:05:42.263
Early in the morning, 4am,
I just looked up at the sky
01:05:42.267 --> 01:05:43.883
and it felt so serene and quiet
01:05:43.887 --> 01:05:45.673
and you could hear
the wind slowly blowing
01:05:45.677 --> 01:05:48.373
and there was no rain
and it was pristine.
01:05:48.377 --> 01:05:51.390
It was like... it was amazing.
01:05:52.250 --> 01:05:53.213
- When you go out into the world
01:05:53.217 --> 01:05:54.775
and you put your phone down,
01:05:55.100 --> 01:05:57.230
that's when the real magic happens.
01:05:57.580 --> 01:06:00.380
[serene ambient music]
01:06:11.730 --> 01:06:15.238
- Somehow the pull to nature
is getting out of the house
01:06:15.242 --> 01:06:17.858
and into that big world because
01:06:17.862 --> 01:06:19.903
there is such a thing as being lonely,
01:06:19.907 --> 01:06:21.485
even in a marriage.
01:06:21.845 --> 01:06:25.105
And as you age and
as your nest empties,
01:06:25.463 --> 01:06:27.296
I think that you have to
work a lot harder
01:06:27.300 --> 01:06:30.435
in making sure that you
build connections.
01:06:32.155 --> 01:06:33.755
[indistinct chatter]
01:06:36.060 --> 01:06:37.748
- I joined badminton twice a week,
01:06:37.752 --> 01:06:40.538
and there's 50 people up there
that I socialize with.
01:06:40.542 --> 01:06:43.083
And we can go to the coffee house,
01:06:43.087 --> 01:06:45.778
the music thing, and there's
another 40 or 50 people.
01:06:45.782 --> 01:06:47.908
So, you have to join in.
01:06:47.912 --> 01:06:50.888
We've played bridge and things
at the community centre.
01:06:50.892 --> 01:06:52.465
You have to join in to things.
01:06:54.315 --> 01:06:57.868
- Like baseball or
beach volleyball or the gym
01:06:57.872 --> 01:07:00.673
or anything revolving about club,
01:07:00.677 --> 01:07:04.058
it has to be chosen so that
you can find people
01:07:04.062 --> 01:07:05.625
who have a commonality.
01:07:06.132 --> 01:07:09.122
If not, nobody comes
knockin' at your door.
01:07:09.529 --> 01:07:10.464
They never did.
01:07:11.854 --> 01:07:14.999
[crowd chanting and cheering]
01:07:20.283 --> 01:07:21.983
[sirens wailing]
01:07:39.220 --> 01:07:41.420
- I think the only
advice I can give is
01:07:42.060 --> 01:07:44.355
value one another, have friends.
01:07:45.585 --> 01:07:46.975
That's so important.
01:07:47.685 --> 01:07:50.178
And whatever else
goes wrong in the world,
01:07:50.182 --> 01:07:52.135
if you've got friends, you'll...
01:07:52.470 --> 01:07:54.273
...you'll always have company
01:07:54.277 --> 01:07:57.285
and not... not feel alone.
01:07:57.599 --> 01:07:59.071
[singing]
01:07:59.074 --> 01:08:02.635
♪ He's no bloody use to anyone ♪
01:08:02.905 --> 01:08:05.583
♪ He's no bloody use at all ♪
01:08:05.587 --> 01:08:06.483
I was so fortunate.
01:08:06.487 --> 01:08:09.380
I have absolutely wonderful friends.
01:08:10.240 --> 01:08:14.650
So, they introduced me
to my new partner.
01:08:15.050 --> 01:08:17.455
We were both bowled over.
01:08:18.810 --> 01:08:21.355
So, I started a new life at 68.
01:08:22.680 --> 01:08:26.525
Ever since, I've been running
a yoga club for 26 years,
01:08:27.140 --> 01:08:29.844
and then a swimming club,
a rugby club.
01:08:30.049 --> 01:08:33.905
And singing has been
an important part of my life.
01:08:34.433 --> 01:08:36.288
[choir singing]
01:08:46.784 --> 01:08:49.485
Great fun and great music.
01:08:50.910 --> 01:08:53.885
I'm well past my "best before" date.
01:08:54.550 --> 01:08:56.863
I am now 92 years old.
01:08:56.867 --> 01:09:00.355
I'll turn 93 this coming Christmas.
01:09:02.990 --> 01:09:04.435
Looking forward to it.
01:09:04.701 --> 01:09:07.395
- It is December 25th.
01:09:08.385 --> 01:09:10.288
90 years ago today,
01:09:10.292 --> 01:09:13.620
Bob Matson was born in Lochend.
01:09:17.767 --> 01:09:18.999
[piano music]
01:09:26.160 --> 01:09:28.420
- I have had times in my life when
01:09:29.170 --> 01:09:30.495
I felt lonely,
01:09:33.000 --> 01:09:35.505
especially as a kid,
you know, different ages,
01:09:35.865 --> 01:09:38.100
into the teen years and so forth.
01:09:38.571 --> 01:09:41.451
But loneliness is a state of mind.
01:09:42.446 --> 01:09:44.018
Well, if it's a state of mind,
01:09:44.022 --> 01:09:46.965
then I have the possibility
to change my mind.
01:09:47.701 --> 01:09:48.901
[soft piano music]
01:09:59.340 --> 01:10:03.283
Music, the voice, the power of words,
01:10:03.287 --> 01:10:04.928
and then the power of music—
01:10:04.932 --> 01:10:07.045
music being the universal language—
01:10:08.885 --> 01:10:13.083
gives anybody who
engages an opportunity
01:10:13.087 --> 01:10:16.345
to transcend whatever
kind of situation
01:10:16.358 --> 01:10:17.818
they happen to be in.
01:10:19.213 --> 01:10:21.000
It's amazing, it's healing.
01:10:21.380 --> 01:10:25.025
It brings about love,
hope, inspiration,
01:10:26.162 --> 01:10:28.300
a lot of things that we need
01:10:28.304 --> 01:10:29.792
and sometimes take for granted.
01:10:29.799 --> 01:10:32.699
[upbeat salsa music]
01:10:38.901 --> 01:10:41.914
- I think there's a
desire for a return
01:10:41.918 --> 01:10:44.813
to a feeling of
democratic ethos in our lives.
01:10:44.817 --> 01:10:46.960
And I believe the shape of the city
01:10:46.965 --> 01:10:49.648
plays a role in that,
and how we can be public,
01:10:49.652 --> 01:10:51.363
how we can come together,
01:10:51.367 --> 01:10:54.570
how we can get past
the feelings of alienation
01:10:55.010 --> 01:10:57.468
that plague so many of us today,
01:10:57.472 --> 01:10:58.823
the loneliness and isolation,
01:10:58.827 --> 01:11:00.660
and realize that
together we're powerful.
01:11:00.945 --> 01:11:02.098
Being in public spaces,
01:11:02.102 --> 01:11:04.885
having a civic commons
is an empowering feeling.
01:11:05.859 --> 01:11:09.059
[serene ambient music]
01:11:21.720 --> 01:11:24.040
- It's about every
kind of connection—
01:11:25.455 --> 01:11:28.166
with nature,
with family, with friends,
01:11:28.170 --> 01:11:30.688
with extended family,
with communities.
01:11:37.753 --> 01:11:41.513
Networks of people that
we share something with,
01:11:41.517 --> 01:11:43.483
it doesn't matter what it is
01:11:43.487 --> 01:11:45.965
so much as that we share it together.
01:11:46.103 --> 01:11:48.903
[serene ambient music]
01:11:48.980 --> 01:11:51.648
- Many people don't have
family dinners anymore.
01:11:51.652 --> 01:11:54.180
Many people don't even
have a family table.
01:11:54.520 --> 01:11:57.230
There's just a couch in front
of the TV, and so on.
01:11:57.740 --> 01:12:02.808
So even just re-valuing
the kitchen table, right?
01:12:02.812 --> 01:12:04.800
Re-valuing community.
01:12:05.367 --> 01:12:09.245
Setting up supper clubs,
eating together
01:12:09.249 --> 01:12:13.880
is an ancient way that we show love,
01:12:13.884 --> 01:12:18.730
we build community,
and we end loneliness.
01:12:20.273 --> 01:12:22.913
[piano music]
01:12:30.837 --> 01:12:34.962
- I was trying to think of
songs that were intimate,
01:12:35.377 --> 01:12:37.510
and I thought about my daughter
01:12:38.370 --> 01:12:41.620
and the song,
"You'll Never Walk Alone."
01:12:41.847 --> 01:12:44.522
That just resonated with me.
01:12:45.147 --> 01:12:48.113
So I chose it because
I want her to know
01:12:48.117 --> 01:12:49.873
that as long as I'm on the planet,
01:12:49.877 --> 01:12:52.050
she will never walk alone.
01:12:53.052 --> 01:12:55.352
♪ When you walk ♪
01:12:57.002 --> 01:13:00.065
♪ through a storm ♪
01:13:03.950 --> 01:13:07.840
♪ Hold your head ♪
01:13:09.385 --> 01:13:12.025
♪ up high ♪
01:13:15.020 --> 01:13:19.635
♪ And don't be afraid ♪
01:13:24.333 --> 01:13:26.568
♪ of the dark ♪
01:13:31.745 --> 01:13:36.025
♪ Walk on through the wind ♪
01:13:36.485 --> 01:13:41.038
♪ Walk on through the rain ♪
01:13:41.542 --> 01:13:49.040
♪ Though your dreams
be tossed and blown ♪
01:13:53.285 --> 01:13:58.053
♪ Walk on, walk on ♪
01:13:59.457 --> 01:14:03.935
♪ with hope in your heart ♪
01:14:05.310 --> 01:14:10.950
♪ And you'll never walk alone ♪
01:14:17.816 --> 01:14:21.814
♪ Oh, you'll ♪
01:14:21.818 --> 01:14:25.671
♪ never walk ♪
01:14:31.394 --> 01:14:36.324
♪ never walk alone ♪♪
01:14:41.888 --> 01:14:44.208
♪ Ooooh ♪
01:14:59.647 --> 01:15:03.832
[serene ambient music]