WEBVTT

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[helicopter blades whirring]

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- RPG.

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- We got friendlies to the left.

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[gunfire]

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- I would argue that every one
of those soldiers that come back

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who have been diagnosed
with any level

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of operational stress injury

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and has committed suicide

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is just as much a casualty
of that mission

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as the person who\'s been killed
there in the field.

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[indistinct radio transmission]

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[gunfire]

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- Take that first route across!

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Get across!

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[gunfire]

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- What are they doing
on the right?

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[indistinct radio transmission]

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- It\'s like a tape that
just keeps playing and playing

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in my head nonstop.

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- Don\'t go telling
other people about it

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\'cause you\'re weak if you do.

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- You\'ve got the images
of your buddies\' faces.

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- Don\'t worry about it.

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And, of course, you don\'t really
want to come out and say,

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\"There\'s something
not right with me.\"

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- A long time,
I ran from the guilt.

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So, yeah, I\'m needing help.

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Male narrator: Canadian soldiers
bravely put themselves

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in harm\'s way,

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prepared to sacrifice
for their country.

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By some estimates,
one in five will return

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with the invisible wounds of
post-traumatic stress disorder,

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or PTSD.

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So some military families,
whose lives are so disrupted

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when their loved ones leave
for a war zone,

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may find a stranger coming home,

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a stranger with war
permanently etched in the mind.

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[gunfire]

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- Get behind something now.
We got our first...

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- Just give them what
you think they want to hear.

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\"Oh, yeah, tour was good.

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\"Yeah, yeah, we killed
a lot of Taliban.

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Yeah, you know, this is
how many IEDs we found.\"

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But it\'s not really what
you want to tell them.

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[gunfire]

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- You\'re petrified
because you know

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what other people
have gone through.

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You know,
people who have come forward,

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their careers end.

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You know,
that big walk of shame.

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Oh, you know...
\"Oh, there goes the crazy guy.\"

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[gunfire]

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- Oh, it\'s just a sense
of desperation.

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You see yourself, you know,
the person you were,

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the person you\'re slowly become
over the last couple years

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or however long it\'s been

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because of all the things
you\'re holding on inside.

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[gunfire]

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- Take that first route across!

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- You can have a smell.

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You can have a noise

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that will trigger you
into reliving

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in sort of like a teleprompter,
digitally clear.

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It\'s an intolerable level
of pain,

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and pain is not in your arm
or your leg.

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The pain is in your brain.

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- [shouting indistinctly]

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Left, right, left, right,
left, right...

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narrator:
PTSD\'s symptoms...

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Anxiety, anger, flashbacks,
and nightmares...

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Have several root causes.

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A major one is the death

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of one of the tightly bonded
band of brothers,

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comrades in arms.

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[bagpipes playing]

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- \"I am the resurrection
and the life,\"

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sayeth the Lord.

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\"Though they were dead,
yet shall they live.\"

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- My sergeant and I
and corporals

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that were working for us,

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we organized every ramp ceremony
that happened.

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There\'s 25 soldiers
that were killed on our tour.

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Every one of them hit us hard.

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So I\'m having a tough time
dealing with it

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since I come home.

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Couldn\'t sleep, couldn\'t eat,
edgy, on edge,

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shaking all the time,
snapping, snarling.

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I was not a pleasure
to be around.

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I still to this... I...
I still haven\'t slept much.

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The past 2 1/2 years,
hardly sleep,

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and when I do sleep,
full of nightmares.

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Well, I\'m, like, reliving it
in my dreams,

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what they went through,
trying to remember these guys.

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So, yeah, I\'m needing help.

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[gunfire, explosions]

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- Get across!

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- There was a huge explosion.

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I couldn\'t move.
I was unable to move.

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My head was really hurting.

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My arm...
I noticed at that point

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that I was bleeding
pretty badly.

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[men screaming indistinctly]

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[gunfire]

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And covered, and looked back up
when everything had cleared.

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Corporal Teal had broughten
the warrant to us... or to me.

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And I had to make
the hardest call of my life.

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I remember squeezing
his forearm,

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and I went,
\"I\'m so sorry, brother.\"

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Dead.

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There was nothing
I could do for him.

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You start thinking,
\"Well, did I rush it?\"

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You know, \"Was it because
I could\'ve been scared?\"

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You know,
\"Was it because I was in pain,

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and I couldn\'t truly focus?\"

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All these feelings of guilt.

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- He was... he was
a good buddy, yeah.

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[gunfire, explosions]

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Yeah.

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We were smoking cigars
and having some drinks

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the night before.

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You know...

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- My three colleagues
hit an IED.

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[man talking indistinctly]

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[explosion booms]
- Whoa!

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Holy [...]!

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- You\'re first on the scene,

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and the vehicle is on fire.

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The driver was
still trapped inside.

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And then we got told
to stand down.

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So we basically
just had to sit there

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and watch a friend burn to death

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and not be able to do anything.

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I just remember thinking,

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\"We\'ve got to do something.

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Like, we got to do something.\"

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\'Cause it just felt...
It felt so horrible

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just to be standing there
watching that.

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And, like, instantly, like,
I just felt...

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I felt myself die.

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Like, that\'s... that\'s when
everything changed

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big time for me.

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- I just remember, you know,
noticing the things around me.

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[grass rustling]

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The grass moving...

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you know,
the ripples in the river,

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and the sun, you know...

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Sweat dripping down my face
and burning my eyes.

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And we get to the vehicle,

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and we discover where
the package is.

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I open the trunk up.

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And it\'s just routine,
you know, simple [...].

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And I\'m working and...

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[sighs]

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I could\'ve sworn
I felt his body hit my back

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before I heard the sound,

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you know, of the sniper rifle

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that just took my best friend
away from me.

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I hope that he could see me.

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His eyes were open,
and he tried to speak,

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but only blood came out, and...

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for a split second,
I just wished that I was him.

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- Well, I would contend

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that if we\'re not preparing
for the worst case,

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where we\'re preparing
for a good 15%

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of those who\'ve had either
a single complex mission

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or multiple missions which
have accumulated the stresses,

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if we\'re not preparing
for that level of casualty,

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then we are in
for serious trouble.

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Narrator: Roméo Dallaire
started a campaign

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for PTSD treatment for soldiers

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when he publicly declared
himself a sufferer

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after commanding
the unsupported UN mission

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amidst the horrors
of the Rwandan genocide.

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He feels there will be

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large numbers
of Afghanistan vets

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with operational stress
injuries.

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- There are reports...
People are saying 15%, 20%, 30%.

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Nothing that we have
is suggestive

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of anything close to that.

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Our figures are very consistent
with the U.K.,

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consistent with the Netherlands
and Australia

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where the numbers are probably
in the 5% to 6%.

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- And that\'s where I, then, come

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in major confrontation
with the technical people,

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the therapists and all these,

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because they will come and say,

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\"Well, it\'s still
a manageable number,\" you know,

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within the context
of Canadian society

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or other groups,

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too often forgetting that
these people are specialized.

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They\'ve been selected.

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They\'ve been trained to handle
a higher level of stress.

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Narrator: That stress
can stay with soldiers

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even after coming home.

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- Well, you\'re there
for so long.

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And you\'re just like,

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\"I can\'t wait
to get back to Canada.\"

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And you\'re like, \"I\'ll never...
I\'ll never take this for granted

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or that for granted.\"

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Like, \"I\'ll enjoy the
little things in life again.\"

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And for the first little bit,
you do.

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And then that whole, like,
honeymoon stage

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of being back in Canada,
that... that dissipates.

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And then you just...
You kind of want to go back,

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because you don\'t really fit
into society anymore.

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Like, there\'s so much things
that the public doesn\'t know

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or understand about it.

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And you kind of feel alone.

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[dog barking]

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- When I got back
from Afghanistan,

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probably about the third
or fourth month into it,

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I didn\'t have safety
with my friends.

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I didn\'t have safety at home.

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I didn\'t have safety at work.

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[car horn honking]

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I couldn\'t go anywhere.

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Just the thought would make me
sick to my stomach,

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\'cause there\'s no way
to get out.

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Grocery shopping
only if I had to.

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I knew exactly
what I needed to get.

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I would go in, I\'d grab it,
and I\'d come out.

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I just didn\'t feel safe.

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If I had to go to Tim Hortons,

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I\'d have to, you know,
sit with my back to a wall

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so I could see the whole crowd.

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Everybody is a threat.

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And it\'s not normal
to think like that.

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It\'s like, \"Oh, my God,\"
you know,

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\"That guy\'s gonna blow up.

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He\'s trying to hurt me
and my kids.\"

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- For my wife,
it\'s been a struggle for sure.

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When it comes
to planning things,

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it\'s not even day-to-day.

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It\'s moment-to-moment.

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We can make plans with friends,

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go over to their house
for a barbecue.

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I know it\'s coming up,

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but then right when
we\'re about to leave,

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I get to that door;
I\'m like, \"No, I can\'t do it.\"

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I don\'t want to be put
in that situation,

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even though it\'s people I know.

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So she gets frustrated.

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So she either
has to totally cancel the plans

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or go and do it by herself.

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[thunder rumbles]

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[explosion booms]

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- It just pops up.

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Like, I don\'t even mean
to think about it.

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I can... I can be anywhere
doing anything,

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and then it\'ll just
pop in there,

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reliving that
whole scenario again.

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It just... it\'s like a tape that
just keeps playing and playing

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in my head nonstop.

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It\'s on repeat.

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- It stays digitally clear.

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And often it goes
in slow motion.

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And it comes at different,
random times.

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And what it does... it makes you
relive the experience.

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And so for me,
the Rwandan genocide...

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And my colleagues...
Isn\'t 16 years ago.

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If I sit down
and think about it,

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it happened this morning.

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I can bring the vividness.

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I can bring the smell.

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I can bring the traumas,
the sounds back in a reality.

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You relive it.

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And so PTSD as
an operational stress injury

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or as an injury is
the most vicious of injuries.

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- I was thrashing.

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I was hitting.
I was kicking.

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I was, you know,
screaming, yelling,

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calling out
for different people,

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everything, as if I was there.

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I could smell.
I could taste blood.

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I could smell the cordite.

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I guess I would actually act out
an explosion.

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I guess my body
would sort of convulse

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as an explosion would go off.

00:13:31.300 --> 00:13:34.766
[children shouting indistinctly]

00:13:34.767 --> 00:13:36.999
- I used to have dreams
of little kids throwing, like,

00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:39.332
these little bombs at me,

00:13:39.333 --> 00:13:41.832
like, these little mortar shells
and stuff like that at me,

00:13:41.833 --> 00:13:43.999
like, chucking them at me
and stuff.

00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:45.966
And...

00:13:45.967 --> 00:13:47.466
you know,
after they threw them at me,

00:13:47.467 --> 00:13:48.932
I remember, like,
looking at them,

00:13:48.933 --> 00:13:50.766
seeing if the primer
was struck or not,

00:13:50.767 --> 00:13:53.066
see if they were still active.

00:13:53.067 --> 00:13:56.066
Those things constantly play
in your mind,

00:13:56.067 --> 00:13:59.566
and for whatever reason...
I\'m not sure why...

00:13:59.567 --> 00:14:02.432
But it builds up aggression,

00:14:02.433 --> 00:14:05.732
and things just intensified,
you know?

00:14:05.733 --> 00:14:07.132
[sirens wailing]

00:14:07.133 --> 00:14:11.499
I\'ve been in trouble
with the police, you know.

00:14:11.500 --> 00:14:13.500
Problems with the family.

00:14:22.467 --> 00:14:24.099
Narrator: War in the mind
has existed

00:14:24.100 --> 00:14:27.000
ever since leaders sent
their slaves to kill each other.

00:14:29.267 --> 00:14:30.899
And throughout the centuries,

00:14:30.900 --> 00:14:34.533
it\'s the foot soldiers
and their families that suffer.

00:14:37.533 --> 00:14:42.066
In World War I,
it was called \"shell shock.\"

00:14:42.067 --> 00:14:44.533
Sufferers were called cowards.

00:14:48.133 --> 00:14:51.066
Some were executed
for desertion,

00:14:51.067 --> 00:14:53.367
including 23 Canadians.

00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:59.666
In World War II, it was called
gross stress disorder.

00:14:59.667 --> 00:15:02.633
Once again, sufferers
were derided as weaklings.

00:15:06.433 --> 00:15:10.532
In Korea and Vietnam,
the term was \"combat fatigue.\"

00:15:10.533 --> 00:15:13.766
PTSD wasn\'t recognized
as an injury to be treated

00:15:13.767 --> 00:15:15.732
until 1980.

00:15:15.733 --> 00:15:17.399
There has since been
much progress

00:15:17.400 --> 00:15:21.100
in encouraging sufferers
to come forward and seek help.

00:15:28.633 --> 00:15:29.999
After tours of duty,

00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:32.732
soldiers now get five days
in Cyprus,

00:15:32.733 --> 00:15:35.199
which gives them a chance
to de-stress.

00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:38.432
They are given information
about PTSD.

00:15:38.433 --> 00:15:40.332
- We all like to think
that saying \"hello\"

00:15:40.333 --> 00:15:42.766
is gonna be much easier
than saying \"good-bye.\"

00:15:42.767 --> 00:15:45.832
In reality, saying \"hello\"
can be just as conflictual,

00:15:45.833 --> 00:15:48.866
just as disruptive
as saying \"good-bye.\"

00:15:48.867 --> 00:15:50.232
narrator:
And once they get home,

00:15:50.233 --> 00:15:52.300
many treatments
are now available.

00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:56.632
They include medication,

00:15:56.633 --> 00:15:59.099
peer group
and psychological support,

00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:03.799
EMDR, and virtual reality
re-creations.

00:16:03.800 --> 00:16:05.699
Even ecstasy is now being used

00:16:05.700 --> 00:16:07.500
in clinical trials
with soldiers.

00:16:09.767 --> 00:16:12.199
Yet militaries
are still macho cultures,

00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:14.332
and especially
at the lower levels,

00:16:14.333 --> 00:16:17.133
the suck-it-up factor
still exists.

00:16:24.867 --> 00:16:26.066
- Ross.
- Sir!

00:16:26.067 --> 00:16:27.466
- Giversen.
- Sir!

00:16:27.467 --> 00:16:29.799
- Warrant Officer Power.
- Sir!

00:16:29.800 --> 00:16:31.499
- Gunner Unin.
- Sir.

00:16:31.500 --> 00:16:33.499
- Sergeant Godfrey.
- Sir.

00:16:33.500 --> 00:16:35.766
- Master Corporal O\'Leary.
- Sir!

00:16:35.767 --> 00:16:37.466
- A lot of people at work,

00:16:37.467 --> 00:16:39.299
especially the guys
I was on tour with

00:16:39.300 --> 00:16:41.966
that are all going back
on tour now,

00:16:41.967 --> 00:16:43.566
I don\'t want them
to look at me and think,

00:16:43.567 --> 00:16:45.332
\"Well, I came back okay;
What\'s his problem?

00:16:45.333 --> 00:16:46.932
\"He\'s crazy,\" you know,
or, \"He\'s weak,\"

00:16:46.933 --> 00:16:49.832
or, \"He\'s playing it up,\"
kind of thing.

00:16:49.833 --> 00:16:52.532
Plus, I mean, just being
on the base itself,

00:16:52.533 --> 00:16:53.899
I don\'t want guys
behind me like,

00:16:53.900 --> 00:16:55.899
\"Hey, that\'s that guy we saw
on that documentary.

00:16:55.900 --> 00:16:57.932
He\'s out of his mind.
He\'s got PTSD.\"

00:16:57.933 --> 00:16:59.166
Then other guys don\'t care.

00:16:59.167 --> 00:17:02.699
Like, they\'ll sneak up
behind you... \"Boo!\"

00:17:02.700 --> 00:17:04.366
- Warrant Officer King.

00:17:04.367 --> 00:17:08.366
- Like, I\'m extremely jumpy,
so some guys think it\'s a joke.

00:17:08.367 --> 00:17:09.832
They think it\'s funny,

00:17:09.833 --> 00:17:11.899
because they...
They don\'t understand.

00:17:11.900 --> 00:17:13.266
That\'s why.

00:17:13.267 --> 00:17:15.566
Because they didn\'t
experience it themselves.

00:17:15.567 --> 00:17:17.532
- So I wish you
the best of luck.

00:17:17.533 --> 00:17:19.166
You\'re gonna do well.

00:17:19.167 --> 00:17:22.032
Stay safe over there,
and Godspeed.

00:17:22.033 --> 00:17:26.199
- I certainly got
a couple of people...

00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:28.232
A couple people
who certainly said, you know,

00:17:28.233 --> 00:17:29.999
\"Suck it up.\"

00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:32.332
You know,
\"It wasn\'t that bad.\"

00:17:32.333 --> 00:17:34.566
And it wasn\'t the people
who were there.

00:17:34.567 --> 00:17:36.332
It was, you know,
some of the people

00:17:36.333 --> 00:17:40.732
that just stayed in Canada
and had never deployed.

00:17:40.733 --> 00:17:42.799
- I had one supervisor.

00:17:42.800 --> 00:17:44.566
He was like, you know,
\"Suck it up.\"

00:17:44.567 --> 00:17:46.166
You know, it was
his general attitude.

00:17:46.167 --> 00:17:47.432
Those weren\'t his exact words,

00:17:47.433 --> 00:17:50.199
but that was the message
that came across.

00:17:50.200 --> 00:17:51.832
And for somebody
who\'s never been there

00:17:51.833 --> 00:17:53.999
to say, \"Suck it up,\"

00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:56.032
I hated the man.

00:17:56.033 --> 00:17:59.432
It just developed a hate
and a loathing for him.

00:17:59.433 --> 00:18:03.366
- As for those who live
the stigmas still,

00:18:03.367 --> 00:18:06.532
that is an evolving process.

00:18:06.533 --> 00:18:09.132
How do you change the culture

00:18:09.133 --> 00:18:14.232
of a conservative bastion
of society

00:18:14.233 --> 00:18:18.266
that is also Darwinian
in nature?

00:18:18.267 --> 00:18:20.199
[boots stomping]

00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:21.999
- Fire!

00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:26.366
- It is essentially based
on a competitiveness

00:18:26.367 --> 00:18:28.466
and an ability to overcome.

00:18:28.467 --> 00:18:33.632
It is also a culture
that is very visual.

00:18:33.633 --> 00:18:36.699
\"We got to see a map,\"
or \"We got to use the ground.\"

00:18:36.700 --> 00:18:38.766
So if they don\'t see it,

00:18:38.767 --> 00:18:41.999
they got a hard time
understanding it.

00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:47.099
And so an injury
that is physical

00:18:47.100 --> 00:18:50.399
is recognized immediately
as an honorable injury.

00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:51.632
They can see it.

00:18:51.633 --> 00:18:53.232
I mean, look,
that guy\'s leg was busted.

00:18:53.233 --> 00:18:55.799
My God, he was shot at,
and he\'s suffered this,

00:18:55.800 --> 00:18:56.966
and he\'s survived it,

00:18:56.967 --> 00:18:58.966
and it\'s extraordinary,
and so on.

00:18:58.967 --> 00:19:02.866
But those who have injuries
between the ears,

00:19:02.867 --> 00:19:05.399
how do you handle them?

00:19:05.400 --> 00:19:10.332
How does an organization that is
totally foreign to that concept,

00:19:10.333 --> 00:19:12.632
how does it adjust to that?

00:19:12.633 --> 00:19:16.832
Well, how you do that is,
you wear down the system.

00:19:16.833 --> 00:19:19.666
You just keep pummeling
and pummeling

00:19:19.667 --> 00:19:21.832
and pummeling the leaders,

00:19:21.833 --> 00:19:24.666
and you keep pummeling
the non-veterans

00:19:24.667 --> 00:19:29.567
by the fact that they could
just as well become a casualty.

00:19:39.333 --> 00:19:41.266
- You\'re absolutely petrified,

00:19:41.267 --> 00:19:44.499
and there\'s nobody
you can talk to who understands.

00:19:44.500 --> 00:19:50.032
You... you go see... you know,
you go talk to the doctor.

00:19:50.033 --> 00:19:51.832
And the doctor\'s like,
\"Don\'t worry about it.

00:19:51.833 --> 00:19:53.099
This is normal.\"

00:19:53.100 --> 00:19:56.432
Veterans Affairs...
Everything just seemed

00:19:56.433 --> 00:19:59.866
like a huge hurdle to cross,
you know.

00:19:59.867 --> 00:20:02.532
You\'re finally coming out.
You\'re having these issues.

00:20:02.533 --> 00:20:03.999
Nobody seems to understand

00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:06.832
who\'s supposed to be there
to understand.

00:20:06.833 --> 00:20:08.632
- You come back.
You fill out a questionnaire.

00:20:08.633 --> 00:20:10.966
\"How much do you drink?
Are you sleeping at night?\"

00:20:10.967 --> 00:20:13.099
They give you a stamp.
\"This guy\'s good.\"

00:20:13.100 --> 00:20:15.099
I got that stamp,
told me I was good,

00:20:15.100 --> 00:20:16.899
\'cause I filled out
a little questionnaire.

00:20:16.900 --> 00:20:18.099
They just scanned over it.

00:20:18.100 --> 00:20:19.599
\"Oh, yeah, you\'re okay.\"

00:20:19.600 --> 00:20:21.332
- So the red tape is happening,

00:20:21.333 --> 00:20:23.632
and it\'s just feeling like
you\'re being stonewalled

00:20:23.633 --> 00:20:25.399
every chance I could get.

00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:26.866
You\'d call people.

00:20:26.867 --> 00:20:28.899
You wouldn\'t have your calls
returned right away.

00:20:28.900 --> 00:20:30.499
And when you do get ahold
of someone:

00:20:30.500 --> 00:20:31.866
\"Oh, you got to fill out
this form.

00:20:31.867 --> 00:20:32.966
\"We\'ll mail it to you.

00:20:32.967 --> 00:20:34.399
\"We can\'t send it
electronically,

00:20:34.400 --> 00:20:35.666
so it\'ll take a week.\"

00:20:35.667 --> 00:20:37.432
You know, by the time
you get the paperwork,

00:20:37.433 --> 00:20:38.732
fill it out, send it back.

00:20:38.733 --> 00:20:40.232
\"Okay, well, we\'ve got it now.\"

00:20:40.233 --> 00:20:41.699
That\'s, what, two, three weeks?

00:20:41.700 --> 00:20:44.532
\"And it\'s gonna take us another
six weeks to process it.\"

00:20:44.533 --> 00:20:47.432
And all\'s I\'m hearing is,

00:20:47.433 --> 00:20:49.132
\"Yup.

00:20:49.133 --> 00:20:51.532
You got a problem?
We\'ll help you when we can.\"

00:20:51.533 --> 00:20:53.032
You know, the programs
are there.

00:20:53.033 --> 00:20:55.399
They\'re great people
that I\'ve encountered.

00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:58.266
But ultimately,
it seems like there...

00:20:58.267 --> 00:21:01.199
There\'s just not enough of them
to do the job,

00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:02.666
you know,
that all these soldiers

00:21:02.667 --> 00:21:04.499
coming back needing help,

00:21:04.500 --> 00:21:05.999
and there\'s just not enough
of them

00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:07.299
to process our applications.

00:21:07.300 --> 00:21:09.499
There\'s not enough of them
to sit and talk with us.

00:21:09.500 --> 00:21:13.266
There\'s not enough of them to
give us the help that we need.

00:21:13.267 --> 00:21:14.866
[modem beeping and whirring]

00:21:14.867 --> 00:21:16.267
[phones ringing]

00:21:34.033 --> 00:21:35.399
narrator:
After several months,

00:21:35.400 --> 00:21:37.066
Chris and Shaun
have both been accepted

00:21:37.067 --> 00:21:40.099
at one of the operational
stress injury clinics

00:21:40.100 --> 00:21:42.032
run by Veterans Affairs,

00:21:42.033 --> 00:21:45.800
which offer peer support groups
where sufferers help each other.

00:21:49.167 --> 00:21:51.799
- What we\'re going to do is,
we\'re going to go around

00:21:51.800 --> 00:21:53.199
and do our check-in,

00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:55.832
see how everybody\'s been doing.

00:21:55.833 --> 00:21:58.566
Narrator: No matter what war
or how old,

00:21:58.567 --> 00:22:02.099
the veterans\' symptoms
are the same.

00:22:02.100 --> 00:22:03.566
- I was behind the lines.

00:22:03.567 --> 00:22:05.799
And you know what happens
behind the lines.

00:22:05.800 --> 00:22:08.532
And I\'ve done things that...
You know,

00:22:08.533 --> 00:22:10.566
it\'s just out of this world.

00:22:10.567 --> 00:22:12.466
You just can\'t talk about it

00:22:12.467 --> 00:22:13.832
to your children, you know,

00:22:13.833 --> 00:22:15.866
because they wouldn\'t
understand, you know.

00:22:15.867 --> 00:22:18.199
- A tough time adjusting
to home life.

00:22:18.200 --> 00:22:20.132
Lost my wife.

00:22:20.133 --> 00:22:22.366
I was in... you know,
my kids haven\'t talked to me

00:22:22.367 --> 00:22:24.232
in about a year.

00:22:24.233 --> 00:22:26.532
They\'re scared of me, you know.

00:22:26.533 --> 00:22:30.632
And I recently lost
another girl that was great,

00:22:30.633 --> 00:22:32.199
been getting to know her
fairly well.

00:22:32.200 --> 00:22:33.866
And there\'s just some things
coming out,

00:22:33.867 --> 00:22:35.099
dreams and things like that,

00:22:35.100 --> 00:22:36.732
which are really starting
to scare her.

00:22:36.733 --> 00:22:40.999
And, yeah, I was contemplating
some pretty dark thoughts.

00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:43.166
- When I came back from Korea,

00:22:43.167 --> 00:22:46.632
I couldn\'t tell the Army
what I was getting out for,

00:22:46.633 --> 00:22:48.266
and I couldn\'t tell my brothers.

00:22:48.267 --> 00:22:53.166
- I wish I could\'ve told
my wife before she passed away.

00:22:53.167 --> 00:22:57.932
Maybe it would\'ve helped,
you know, to get along better.

00:22:57.933 --> 00:23:02.099
But my kids even asked me
years ago,

00:23:02.100 --> 00:23:06.399
and I wouldn\'t talk to them
about anything.

00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:09.032
I just wanted to keep it
in the past and let it go,

00:23:09.033 --> 00:23:11.800
try to forget it.

00:23:14.333 --> 00:23:16.332
- So...
[clears throat]

00:23:16.333 --> 00:23:17.799
Okay.

00:23:17.800 --> 00:23:20.632
- I never told my family
neither.

00:23:20.633 --> 00:23:26.899
And... but my doctor
has suggested

00:23:26.900 --> 00:23:30.500
that I write my four kids
about it...

00:23:35.167 --> 00:23:36.333
- It\'s okay.

00:23:41.333 --> 00:23:45.166
- Because we have
that vacant space,

00:23:45.167 --> 00:23:48.766
and that has never been filled.

00:23:48.767 --> 00:23:53.166
And hopefully these letters
will do the job.

00:23:53.167 --> 00:23:54.299
I hope.

00:23:54.300 --> 00:23:59.932
- I had never spoken a word
of it to nobody.

00:23:59.933 --> 00:24:03.299
And that...

00:24:03.300 --> 00:24:04.632
that was my problem.

00:24:04.633 --> 00:24:07.366
I had nobody to talk to.

00:24:07.367 --> 00:24:11.566
- When I came back from tour,
things were pretty aggressive.

00:24:11.567 --> 00:24:13.599
I didn\'t think anything was up.

00:24:13.600 --> 00:24:15.799
I kept things to myself.

00:24:15.800 --> 00:24:21.132
Things just played over
in my head constantly.

00:24:21.133 --> 00:24:25.432
Take things out on my family,
isolated myself eventually.

00:24:25.433 --> 00:24:28.732
- I still wake up
almost every night.

00:24:28.733 --> 00:24:32.899
Almost every night,
I wake up about 4:00.

00:24:32.900 --> 00:24:36.799
And I... I\'m somewhere
where I shouldn\'t be

00:24:36.800 --> 00:24:42.066
or somewhere back in...
Back in the war,

00:24:42.067 --> 00:24:46.332
crawling in the dark.

00:24:46.333 --> 00:24:47.832
It\'s never left me.

00:24:47.833 --> 00:24:51.366
I tried several psychiatrists,

00:24:51.367 --> 00:24:55.199
and they finally decided that,

00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:56.599
\"You won\'t forget this.

00:24:56.600 --> 00:24:58.799
\"It\'ll be in your head
all your life,

00:24:58.800 --> 00:25:00.599
as long as you live.\"

00:25:00.600 --> 00:25:03.566
Cripes, 60 years ago this is.

00:25:03.567 --> 00:25:06.399
- I suffer from
post-traumatic stress disorder,

00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:09.966
anxiety, and panic attacks,
like most of us do in this room.

00:25:09.967 --> 00:25:13.599
And medicated,
and I guess that\'s the way

00:25:13.600 --> 00:25:15.066
we have to spend
the rest of our life,

00:25:15.067 --> 00:25:16.732
but that\'s great.

00:25:16.733 --> 00:25:21.599
If we can spend the rest
of our life living a good life,

00:25:21.600 --> 00:25:23.632
then medication is all right.

00:25:23.633 --> 00:25:26.799
- So you build this prosthesis
of things to avoid,

00:25:26.800 --> 00:25:28.266
and with the therapy, you live

00:25:28.267 --> 00:25:30.332
a reasonably balanced
sort of life,

00:25:30.333 --> 00:25:32.066
as someone who\'s got,
I don\'t know,

00:25:32.067 --> 00:25:35.866
diabetes, you know,
so it takes their... their thing.

00:25:35.867 --> 00:25:38.666
The viciousness
of this injury, however,

00:25:38.667 --> 00:25:40.766
is that every now and again,

00:25:40.767 --> 00:25:44.599
something takes away
your prosthesis...

00:25:44.600 --> 00:25:46.666
A sound or something...

00:25:46.667 --> 00:25:50.632
And you are found... helpless.

00:25:50.633 --> 00:25:52.632
When you have
a physical prosthesis,

00:25:52.633 --> 00:25:54.699
you decide when
you don\'t need it anymore

00:25:54.700 --> 00:25:56.699
or whether you want it.

00:25:56.700 --> 00:25:59.132
But with PTSD,

00:25:59.133 --> 00:26:02.832
it has this sort of ability
to disappear on you.

00:26:02.833 --> 00:26:06.032
Your defensive mechanisms
disappear on you,

00:26:06.033 --> 00:26:09.499
because of fatigue
or whatever other stressors,

00:26:09.500 --> 00:26:12.833
and then
it plays out completely.

00:26:19.633 --> 00:26:21.999
Narrator: A program at the
University of British Columbia

00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:25.532
offers soldiers a promising
therapeutic approach,

00:26:25.533 --> 00:26:29.166
because it allows those with
invisible psychological injuries

00:26:29.167 --> 00:26:32.199
to release the underlying pain.

00:26:32.200 --> 00:26:35.499
Our cameras have been given
unique access to this program,

00:26:35.500 --> 00:26:39.299
which is funded by
the Royal Canadian Legion.

00:26:39.300 --> 00:26:41.432
It\'s developed and led
by psychologists

00:26:41.433 --> 00:26:44.732
Dr. Marvin Westwood
and Dr. David Kuhl.

00:26:44.733 --> 00:26:46.799
- Soldiers are warriors.

00:26:46.800 --> 00:26:48.866
You\'re trained to kill.

00:26:48.867 --> 00:26:51.832
Narrator: The therapy uses
enactments of dark moments

00:26:51.833 --> 00:26:53.932
to help soldiers undo the wiring

00:26:53.933 --> 00:26:58.199
that military training
has implanted in their brains.

00:26:58.200 --> 00:27:01.666
It also provides skills
with which to move forward

00:27:01.667 --> 00:27:05.032
and learn to live again.

00:27:05.033 --> 00:27:10.032
Here they are working on
a problem that affects so many.

00:27:10.033 --> 00:27:12.399
Tim has served in Afghanistan

00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:14.999
and now finds it hard
to talk to his girlfriend.

00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:18.833
He asked director Judy Jackson
to role-play her.

00:27:20.133 --> 00:27:22.199
- But they\'re my feelings.

00:27:22.200 --> 00:27:23.566
- But they are my feelings.

00:27:23.567 --> 00:27:25.466
- And I\'ve learned
to not shut down my feelings.

00:27:25.467 --> 00:27:27.332
- And I\'ve learned not
to shut down my feelings.

00:27:27.333 --> 00:27:29.099
- And I won\'t shut down
my feelings with you.

00:27:29.100 --> 00:27:30.866
- And I won\'t
shut down my feelings with you.

00:27:30.867 --> 00:27:33.599
- Because when I shut them down,
we both lose.

00:27:33.600 --> 00:27:35.532
- \'Cause when I shut them down,
we both lose.

00:27:35.533 --> 00:27:36.966
- Is that true?

00:27:36.967 --> 00:27:38.666
- Yeah.

00:27:38.667 --> 00:27:41.532
- So pause just a moment.

00:27:41.533 --> 00:27:44.666
Something is inside you
right now.

00:27:44.667 --> 00:27:46.832
Stick with it.

00:27:46.833 --> 00:27:49.632
Just take... just stay there.

00:27:49.633 --> 00:27:51.132
Yeah.

00:27:51.133 --> 00:27:55.166
- [sobbing quietly]

00:27:55.167 --> 00:27:58.366
The course, it completely turns
on its head the idea

00:27:58.367 --> 00:28:00.966
that men aren\'t supposed
to feel.

00:28:00.967 --> 00:28:04.466
There\'s the acceptable emotions
for a man, sort of anger.

00:28:04.467 --> 00:28:08.266
You can express that
by fighting or by yelling.

00:28:08.267 --> 00:28:11.332
And that\'s about it.

00:28:11.333 --> 00:28:14.466
The rest of the emotions
are kind of said to you

00:28:14.467 --> 00:28:17.732
in the military context, again,
\"That\'s your personal problem.

00:28:17.733 --> 00:28:19.032
\"Bottle that up inside.

00:28:19.033 --> 00:28:20.666
\"Don\'t go telling
other people about it,

00:28:20.667 --> 00:28:23.999
\'cause you\'re weak if you do.\"

00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:26.566
- Okay, so a little bit
of just history...

00:28:26.567 --> 00:28:28.566
- I was 17 when I left,
you know.

00:28:28.567 --> 00:28:32.899
I got back from the war,
and I wasn\'t even 21 yet.

00:28:32.900 --> 00:28:37.099
- I understand that reconnecting
family\'s a big issue, eh?

00:28:37.100 --> 00:28:38.999
Yeah?
- Yeah, absolutely.

00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:40.732
- This is about you
and reconnecting

00:28:40.733 --> 00:28:42.899
with someone important
in your family, isn\'t it?

00:28:42.900 --> 00:28:44.032
- Yes, it is.

00:28:44.033 --> 00:28:45.966
I hardly ever go home.

00:28:45.967 --> 00:28:47.899
They want me to come home
all the time.

00:28:47.900 --> 00:28:49.499
They want to talk to me
all the time.

00:28:49.500 --> 00:28:52.932
I ignore their phone calls,

00:28:52.933 --> 00:28:58.099
their text messages,
\'cause it\'s there... it\'s just...

00:28:58.100 --> 00:29:00.899
A sense of protection that
you have for them, you know.

00:29:00.900 --> 00:29:04.699
You don\'t want them knowing
your whole truth,

00:29:04.700 --> 00:29:06.966
because it...
You don\'t want them...

00:29:06.967 --> 00:29:10.699
You don\'t want it to affect them
the way it\'s affected me.

00:29:10.700 --> 00:29:12.499
- [speaking indistinctly]

00:29:12.500 --> 00:29:14.232
narrator:
Dan chooses a group member

00:29:14.233 --> 00:29:17.799
to role-play the father with
whom he has been so distant

00:29:17.800 --> 00:29:21.232
and his pal Wayne to act
as his double.

00:29:21.233 --> 00:29:23.099
- Okay, come back.

00:29:23.100 --> 00:29:24.766
And when you see this,
what do you see?

00:29:24.767 --> 00:29:26.266
What\'s he... what\'s he doing?

00:29:26.267 --> 00:29:29.666
- It\'s like my dad\'s ready
for me, but, like,

00:29:29.667 --> 00:29:31.232
I\'m... I want to be ready, but...

00:29:31.233 --> 00:29:32.932
- You can\'t right now.
- I can\'t right now.

00:29:32.933 --> 00:29:34.432
- Finish this.
Look at him and say...

00:29:34.433 --> 00:29:37.066
But say to him,
\"Dan, if you stay there\"...

00:29:37.067 --> 00:29:38.199
Look.
He\'s looking at you.

00:29:38.200 --> 00:29:39.332
- Dan, if you stay there...

00:29:39.333 --> 00:29:41.366
- Too long...
- Too long...

00:29:41.367 --> 00:29:44.799
- I\'m afraid what will happen.

00:29:44.800 --> 00:29:46.733
- I\'m afraid that...

00:29:54.067 --> 00:29:55.999
My dad might give up,
or I might give up.

00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:58.766
- Yes, yes, one might give up.

00:29:58.767 --> 00:30:00.032
Sorry?

00:30:00.033 --> 00:30:01.832
- The connection
might be gone forever.

00:30:01.833 --> 00:30:04.766
- Forever.

00:30:04.767 --> 00:30:07.399
Your son\'s not coming back.

00:30:07.400 --> 00:30:09.632
What do you have to do?

00:30:09.633 --> 00:30:12.099
- I have to let him go.

00:30:12.100 --> 00:30:15.132
I have to let him die...

00:30:15.133 --> 00:30:18.332
because I can\'t bear
this pain anymore.

00:30:18.333 --> 00:30:21.766
My love for him
will always be there.

00:30:21.767 --> 00:30:24.532
Dan, I... I need you to hear that.

00:30:24.533 --> 00:30:27.100
I want you to hear that
before I turn around.

00:30:35.933 --> 00:30:37.799
- So he\'s sad.

00:30:37.800 --> 00:30:39.532
- Yeah.
- He\'s not there.

00:30:39.533 --> 00:30:41.766
- He\'s not there.
And look at him.

00:30:41.767 --> 00:30:45.566
Look at yourself,
and what do you see there?

00:30:45.567 --> 00:30:47.932
- I\'m still
in the same position.

00:30:47.933 --> 00:30:50.600
- And alone, right?

00:30:52.900 --> 00:30:56.199
- And I\'d just been holding
onto, like, so many things.

00:30:56.200 --> 00:30:57.999
And coming into the program,

00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:00.499
I was really intimidated,
you know.

00:31:00.500 --> 00:31:04.132
First of all, opening up
to men that I don\'t know,

00:31:04.133 --> 00:31:06.499
and secondly, you know,
people judging me

00:31:06.500 --> 00:31:08.832
and, you know,
what I\'ve been through.

00:31:08.833 --> 00:31:10.332
- Dan doesn\'t have
to do this himself.

00:31:10.333 --> 00:31:12.632
What could he say
that\'s his truth

00:31:12.633 --> 00:31:18.032
and yet not tarnish
his dad\'s soul?

00:31:18.033 --> 00:31:20.432
And maybe the guys here
can help you.

00:31:20.433 --> 00:31:23.532
- When I came back,
I wasn\'t okay.

00:31:23.533 --> 00:31:28.532
- Dad, I\'ve... I\'ve taken lives.

00:31:28.533 --> 00:31:30.732
- \"I\'ve... Dad, I\'ve taken lives.\"
That\'s another one.

00:31:30.733 --> 00:31:32.066
What else?

00:31:32.067 --> 00:31:36.499
- Dad, when I came back,
not all of me came back.

00:31:36.500 --> 00:31:39.532
- I don\'t care about people
like I used to.

00:31:39.533 --> 00:31:43.599
- \"I don\'t care about\"... so...
\"people like I used to.\"

00:31:43.600 --> 00:31:49.166
- Dad, I\'ve seen and done things
that rest heavily on my soul.

00:31:49.167 --> 00:31:50.599
- The only people
that can help me is

00:31:50.600 --> 00:31:54.532
the people that have been there,
the people that know.

00:31:54.533 --> 00:31:57.732
I\'m only here because of,
you know, the other men

00:31:57.733 --> 00:31:59.866
that are like me.

00:31:59.867 --> 00:32:01.599
- So what do you think
you\'ll say to him?

00:32:01.600 --> 00:32:02.766
Do you want to tell me now,

00:32:02.767 --> 00:32:04.666
or do you just want
to come and do it?

00:32:04.667 --> 00:32:06.166
- I just say the truth.

00:32:06.167 --> 00:32:08.367
- Just say the truth.
Okay, should we go?

00:32:19.800 --> 00:32:21.499
You\'re by the lake.

00:32:21.500 --> 00:32:22.732
You\'re in the water.

00:32:22.733 --> 00:32:24.099
You\'re fishing.
You\'re casting.

00:32:24.100 --> 00:32:25.366
- Mm-hmm.

00:32:25.367 --> 00:32:27.299
- Remember you told us
the story about the wind.

00:32:27.300 --> 00:32:29.699
Can you feel the wind there?
Yeah?

00:32:29.700 --> 00:32:32.199
- The sun on your face.

00:32:32.200 --> 00:32:33.999
- Who\'s on your right?

00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:36.666
- My dad.

00:32:36.667 --> 00:32:41.166
- So, Daniel, you\'re back.
You\'re here.

00:32:41.167 --> 00:32:43.432
What\'s the worst thing
you want to tell me?

00:32:43.433 --> 00:32:46.999
I\'m ready to hear it.

00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:49.966
- What I need to tell you
is that...

00:32:49.967 --> 00:32:51.599
[sighs]

00:32:51.600 --> 00:32:54.000
I\'m sorry
I\'ve been distant from you.

00:32:59.633 --> 00:33:01.300
And I do love you.

00:33:05.667 --> 00:33:08.000
But all the [...]
that I went through...

00:33:12.467 --> 00:33:14.200
Losing my buddy...

00:33:16.467 --> 00:33:19.233
Losing my value
for human life...

00:33:21.367 --> 00:33:23.300
I didn\'t want you
to see that in me.

00:33:27.367 --> 00:33:29.166
- Let it out.

00:33:29.167 --> 00:33:31.533
Let it out.

00:33:33.533 --> 00:33:37.332
- It probably kills me more...

00:33:37.333 --> 00:33:41.132
knowing that we have this gap
between us.

00:33:41.133 --> 00:33:44.599
But what I\'m doing now...

00:33:44.600 --> 00:33:48.732
is releasing my truth to you...

00:33:48.733 --> 00:33:52.299
with hope that you
don\'t carry it like I have,

00:33:52.300 --> 00:33:54.167
because I am getting better.

00:33:58.600 --> 00:34:04.232
I feel...

00:34:04.233 --> 00:34:08.799
a sense of...

00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:11.166
relief and strength.

00:34:11.167 --> 00:34:12.566
- Of all the things you said,

00:34:12.567 --> 00:34:15.099
what\'s the thing you...
Came out of your mouth

00:34:15.100 --> 00:34:16.899
that\'s so important?

00:34:16.900 --> 00:34:18.866
You just told him.

00:34:18.867 --> 00:34:22.066
- It\'s the truth.
- And you ended the what?

00:34:22.067 --> 00:34:24.766
- The gap, the distance.

00:34:24.767 --> 00:34:27.532
- And wasn\'t that
why you came today?

00:34:27.533 --> 00:34:29.132
To know how to break the gap.

00:34:29.133 --> 00:34:30.300
- Mm-hmm.

00:34:40.433 --> 00:34:43.466
- [whispering indistinctly]

00:34:43.467 --> 00:34:48.332
- I lived with it
for four years.

00:34:48.333 --> 00:34:51.066
And if someone would\'ve told me

00:34:51.067 --> 00:34:52.499
that you don\'t have
to live with it

00:34:52.500 --> 00:34:54.299
for as long as you think,

00:34:54.300 --> 00:34:58.299
then, you know,
just have the trust.

00:34:58.300 --> 00:35:00.066
Like, it\'s... it works.

00:35:00.067 --> 00:35:05.399
Even though it\'s painful,
it\'s worth the struggle.

00:35:05.400 --> 00:35:07.799
- [speaking indistinctly]

00:35:07.800 --> 00:35:10.999
- A big part of this program
is about transition.

00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:15.666
And I think you
really exemplified how

00:35:15.667 --> 00:35:20.366
a soldier can transition
back to life.

00:35:20.367 --> 00:35:22.532
It\'s very inspiring.

00:35:22.533 --> 00:35:25.799
I\'ve seen you come so far,
and you dropped your baggage,

00:35:25.800 --> 00:35:27.232
but you didn\'t stop there,

00:35:27.233 --> 00:35:30.066
and now you\'re actually going...
You went to the next step.

00:35:30.067 --> 00:35:31.866
Let\'s start living again.

00:35:31.867 --> 00:35:33.566
- We are here for each other.

00:35:33.567 --> 00:35:35.332
We\'re here as a group
of soldiers,

00:35:35.333 --> 00:35:37.099
and we know how to talk
to each other,

00:35:37.100 --> 00:35:38.599
and we know how to listen.

00:35:38.600 --> 00:35:41.699
And there are soldiers out there
that aren\'t in this group

00:35:41.700 --> 00:35:43.766
that don\'t know about it.

00:35:43.767 --> 00:35:47.999
- We can\'t be quiet
about the effects of war,

00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:53.499
of combat, of death any longer.

00:35:53.500 --> 00:35:56.999
And if there is gonna be
a change, this is part of it,

00:35:57.000 --> 00:36:00.299
and the public needs to hear
the truth.

00:36:00.300 --> 00:36:04.599
Narrator: This course helps
just 12 soldiers a year.

00:36:04.600 --> 00:36:07.266
More programs like this
need to be made available

00:36:07.267 --> 00:36:09.632
to greater numbers,

00:36:09.633 --> 00:36:12.666
because many do still suffer
in silence.

00:36:12.667 --> 00:36:14.632
And if they fall
through the cracks,

00:36:14.633 --> 00:36:17.200
there are other grim realities.

00:36:21.767 --> 00:36:25.666
Suicide in the military
has long been a hidden issue,

00:36:25.667 --> 00:36:27.999
a topic defense departments
around the world

00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:30.099
find hard to face.

00:36:30.100 --> 00:36:34.799
But now this issue is starting
to crack into the open.

00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:38.433
The truth emerges in statistics
from past wars.

00:37:05.800 --> 00:37:09.099
- Suicide is
the extreme expression

00:37:09.100 --> 00:37:12.466
of, in fact, this stress injury,

00:37:12.467 --> 00:37:18.499
and it can be, I think,
reduced in its possibilities

00:37:18.500 --> 00:37:21.932
of being exacted
by the individual on themselves.

00:37:21.933 --> 00:37:25.332
And that\'s the code
I\'m trying to crack.

00:37:25.333 --> 00:37:26.999
Narrator: Senator
and retired general

00:37:27.000 --> 00:37:28.366
Roméo Dallaire

00:37:28.367 --> 00:37:30.199
is campaigning
to remove the secrecy

00:37:30.200 --> 00:37:33.566
which surrounds the issue.

00:37:33.567 --> 00:37:35.999
One way, he feels,
is to speak openly

00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:38.532
about his own attempts
at suicide

00:37:38.533 --> 00:37:41.933
following the horrors
of the Rwandan genocide.

00:37:44.500 --> 00:37:48.032
- When I was found once,
nearly nude,

00:37:48.033 --> 00:37:49.832
and what I was doing is,
I, with a blade,

00:37:49.833 --> 00:37:54.166
just cutting myself
all over my body

00:37:54.167 --> 00:37:57.299
so that the warmth of the blood

00:37:57.300 --> 00:37:59.566
that was spilling

00:37:59.567 --> 00:38:02.766
was becoming the most soothing
of experiences

00:38:02.767 --> 00:38:04.166
I\'ve ever had in my life.

00:38:04.167 --> 00:38:08.399
It was as if it was draining
all that terrible pain.

00:38:08.400 --> 00:38:12.432
And I was essentially,
by a thousand cuts...

00:38:12.433 --> 00:38:14.599
I tried to bleed myself
to death.

00:38:14.600 --> 00:38:18.033
And it was incredible.

00:38:19.333 --> 00:38:21.132
Narrator:
Nine of Dallaire\'s colleagues

00:38:21.133 --> 00:38:25.132
from the Rwandan mission
have since taken their lives.

00:38:25.133 --> 00:38:27.866
But it seems a statistical fog
surrounds the issue

00:38:27.867 --> 00:38:31.432
of military suicide in Canada.

00:38:31.433 --> 00:38:33.299
The government hasn\'t kept
medical records

00:38:33.300 --> 00:38:35.832
of soldiers who have left
the Army.

00:38:35.833 --> 00:38:39.732
Neither does it track suicides
amongst reservists.

00:38:39.733 --> 00:38:42.632
It challenges
long-term academic studies

00:38:42.633 --> 00:38:44.866
which finds suicide is
a serious problem

00:38:44.867 --> 00:38:47.766
amongst Canadian Forces
veterans.

00:38:47.767 --> 00:38:50.632
It also reports
the Afghanistan mission

00:38:50.633 --> 00:38:54.232
has not created
any increase in suicide.

00:38:54.233 --> 00:38:55.999
- So our rates
have been measured,

00:38:56.000 --> 00:39:00.666
and they consistently stay
about 20% below

00:39:00.667 --> 00:39:04.466
the male... the age-adjusted
male rate for Canadian society.

00:39:04.467 --> 00:39:07.732
Our rates haven\'t gone up
since we\'ve been in Kandahar,

00:39:07.733 --> 00:39:09.366
since we\'ve been in Afghanistan.

00:39:09.367 --> 00:39:11.067
They\'ve stayed stable.

00:39:13.300 --> 00:39:14.732
Narrator:
Senator Dallaire feels

00:39:14.733 --> 00:39:16.832
the government statistics
on suicide

00:39:16.833 --> 00:39:19.532
may underestimate
the real numbers.

00:39:19.533 --> 00:39:22.732
Perhaps this is because they
classify those with depression

00:39:22.733 --> 00:39:27.766
or alcohol or drug dependence
separately from those with PTSD

00:39:27.767 --> 00:39:31.599
when they can also be symptoms
of the disorder.

00:39:31.600 --> 00:39:36.332
If so, they become
our country\'s unknown heroes.

00:39:36.333 --> 00:39:38.466
[bell tolling]

00:39:38.467 --> 00:39:41.599
- There is a particular link
between suicide and PTSD.

00:39:41.600 --> 00:39:47.466
Suicide is, again, a very,
very complex phenomenon.

00:39:47.467 --> 00:39:49.899
It\'s usually associated
about 90% of the time

00:39:49.900 --> 00:39:51.366
with a mental illness,

00:39:51.367 --> 00:39:53.966
in the veterans\' population,
sometimes substance use,

00:39:53.967 --> 00:39:56.066
alcohol, those kinds of things.

00:39:56.067 --> 00:39:59.332
You know, depression has
always been much more prevalent

00:39:59.333 --> 00:40:02.232
in our forces than PTSD.

00:40:02.233 --> 00:40:06.099
So the link between deployment
and mental illness

00:40:06.100 --> 00:40:09.332
and the deployment and suicide,

00:40:09.333 --> 00:40:12.399
it\'s a bit misleading if we try
to sort of go that route,

00:40:12.400 --> 00:40:14.433
because mental illness
is a reality.

00:40:20.567 --> 00:40:22.866
Narrator: Shaun and Sheila Fynes
are struggling

00:40:22.867 --> 00:40:25.799
to get their son the same
recognition for sacrifice

00:40:25.800 --> 00:40:28.599
as those killed in action.

00:40:28.600 --> 00:40:32.666
Corporal Stuart Langridge
ended his life, age 28,

00:40:32.667 --> 00:40:34.999
at the Edmonton barracks.

00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:38.900
His family think he didn\'t get
the care he needed for PTSD.

00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:47.832
The Fynes have spent
the past 2 1/2 years

00:40:47.833 --> 00:40:51.532
poring over documents they have
painstakingly accessed,

00:40:51.533 --> 00:40:53.799
trying to understand
how Stuart\'s life

00:40:53.800 --> 00:40:55.666
could\'ve ended this way.

00:40:55.667 --> 00:40:58.432
- And that\'s... Stuart\'s suicide
note was before that.

00:40:58.433 --> 00:40:59.832
Narrator:
They weren\'t informed

00:40:59.833 --> 00:41:02.232
that Stuart had written
a suicide note

00:41:02.233 --> 00:41:06.066
until 14 months after his death.

00:41:06.067 --> 00:41:08.299
- His note actually reads...

00:41:08.300 --> 00:41:10.166
Then again,
this completely corroborates

00:41:10.167 --> 00:41:11.532
that Stuart was suffering

00:41:11.533 --> 00:41:13.232
from post-traumatic
stress disorder,

00:41:13.233 --> 00:41:16.466
which was denied
for a long time as well.

00:41:16.467 --> 00:41:20.566
\"Sorry, but I can\'t take it
anymore.

00:41:20.567 --> 00:41:23.399
\"I love you, Mom,

00:41:23.400 --> 00:41:27.499
\"Shaun... James, Mike,

00:41:27.500 --> 00:41:32.499
\"Grandma, Auntie, Tom...

00:41:32.500 --> 00:41:37.966
\"Please know that I need
to stop the pain.

00:41:37.967 --> 00:41:40.566
\"XOXO.

00:41:40.567 --> 00:41:42.033
Stuart.\"

00:41:46.167 --> 00:41:50.699
They threw Stuart away like
a piece of broken equipment.

00:41:50.700 --> 00:41:52.266
- That\'s what they say, right?

00:41:52.267 --> 00:41:56.832
You\'re an asset, and once
you\'re not an asset anymore,

00:41:56.833 --> 00:42:01.366
you\'re discarded
like a piece of rubbish.

00:42:01.367 --> 00:42:03.099
- He was young
when he joined the Army Cadets

00:42:03.100 --> 00:42:06.666
on his 12th birthday,
the day that he was old enough.

00:42:06.667 --> 00:42:08.732
At 17, he went to reserves.

00:42:08.733 --> 00:42:12.399
And when he was 20,
he went to regular force.

00:42:12.400 --> 00:42:14.166
And we celebrated
his 29th birthday

00:42:14.167 --> 00:42:18.166
by speaking at his funeral.

00:42:18.167 --> 00:42:20.132
- These are the medals
that Stuart wore

00:42:20.133 --> 00:42:22.532
on his uniform.

00:42:22.533 --> 00:42:25.566
One is his tour of duty
in Afghanistan.

00:42:25.567 --> 00:42:30.099
One is his peacekeeping mission
in Bosnia.

00:42:30.100 --> 00:42:31.866
Narrator: Stuart was,
by all accounts,

00:42:31.867 --> 00:42:33.832
an exemplary soldier.

00:42:33.833 --> 00:42:36.499
But after Afghanistan,
he started having nightmares

00:42:36.500 --> 00:42:38.599
typical of PTSD,

00:42:38.600 --> 00:42:42.032
sought medical help,
and became desperate.

00:42:42.033 --> 00:42:45.466
- In the end, in the last while,
was Stuart an alcoholic?

00:42:45.467 --> 00:42:46.999
Yes, he was.

00:42:47.000 --> 00:42:49.199
Was he using cocaine?
Absolutely.

00:42:49.200 --> 00:42:50.699
- In terms of how he was treated

00:42:50.700 --> 00:42:52.166
and how he was perceived,

00:42:52.167 --> 00:42:55.266
when Stuart began
to self-medicate,

00:42:55.267 --> 00:42:59.532
he was treated as a drunk
and totally disrespected

00:42:59.533 --> 00:43:02.166
and never did get
the correct help that he needed.

00:43:02.167 --> 00:43:06.799
- I think that the military
treats the symptoms,

00:43:06.800 --> 00:43:09.766
which is typically
alcohol and drugs,

00:43:09.767 --> 00:43:12.232
rather than looking
at the underlying cause,

00:43:12.233 --> 00:43:14.200
which is the post-traumatic
stress disorder.

00:43:16.900 --> 00:43:19.866
Everybody gave up on Stuart.

00:43:19.867 --> 00:43:22.599
And we can\'t.

00:43:22.600 --> 00:43:25.432
We have to do everything we can

00:43:25.433 --> 00:43:28.133
to resurrect his reputation.

00:43:31.867 --> 00:43:35.366
- We should be counting
those suicides as part

00:43:35.367 --> 00:43:38.132
of the overall costs
of these missions,

00:43:38.133 --> 00:43:41.666
because those suicides
are simply not computed

00:43:41.667 --> 00:43:43.166
either by Veterans Canada,

00:43:43.167 --> 00:43:45.599
nor are they recognized
by the government

00:43:45.600 --> 00:43:47.200
or the agencies.

00:43:51.867 --> 00:43:53.566
Narrator:
Private Frederic Couture,

00:43:53.567 --> 00:43:55.199
a member of the famed Van Doos,

00:43:55.200 --> 00:43:59.332
was on foot patrol
when he stepped on an IED.

00:43:59.333 --> 00:44:01.866
[explosion booms]

00:44:01.867 --> 00:44:02.932
- [speaks indistinctly]

00:44:02.933 --> 00:44:04.432
- He\'s conscious.

00:44:04.433 --> 00:44:06.032
He\'s able to talk to us.

00:44:06.033 --> 00:44:07.966
He\'s got one leg
severely injured,

00:44:07.967 --> 00:44:09.832
second leg with bad injury.

00:44:09.833 --> 00:44:11.266
- Okay.

00:44:11.267 --> 00:44:13.532
Narrator: \"I\'m 21,
and I\'ve lost my foot,\"

00:44:13.533 --> 00:44:14.732
he screamed.

00:44:14.733 --> 00:44:17.166
\"What am I going to do now?\"

00:44:17.167 --> 00:44:19.432
Private Couture tried
to kill himself

00:44:19.433 --> 00:44:20.932
right on the battlefield.

00:44:20.933 --> 00:44:22.366
- You\'ll be all right.

00:44:22.367 --> 00:44:24.232
This leg is...
You\'re gonna be all right.

00:44:24.233 --> 00:44:25.999
- [speaking French]

00:44:26.000 --> 00:44:27.632
- No, no, no, no!
- Yeah!

00:44:27.633 --> 00:44:29.332
- Just stop!
- No.

00:44:29.333 --> 00:44:30.333
[moans]

00:44:30.334 --> 00:44:32.566
[helicopter blades thrumming]

00:44:32.567 --> 00:44:33.967
- [speaking indistinctly]

00:44:37.767 --> 00:44:40.132
narrator: He was airlifted out,
hospitalized,

00:44:40.133 --> 00:44:42.066
and eventually went home
to live with his mother

00:44:42.067 --> 00:44:44.266
near Montreal.

00:44:44.267 --> 00:44:47.766
The Army didn\'t inform her
that he\'d tried to kill himself.

00:44:47.767 --> 00:44:52.666
So she didn\'t know
that he needed special care.

00:44:52.667 --> 00:44:55.567
A year later, he took his life.

00:44:59.300 --> 00:45:02.266
- We have people dying
in uniform

00:45:02.267 --> 00:45:06.332
or just taking the uniform off
in Canada

00:45:06.333 --> 00:45:10.266
just as much as they\'re dying
overseas due to the mission,

00:45:10.267 --> 00:45:12.966
and they should have
the same recognition.

00:45:12.967 --> 00:45:17.899
So that\'s a driver
that keeps me going.

00:45:17.900 --> 00:45:19.266
[bell tolling]

00:45:19.267 --> 00:45:21.166
narrator: We\'ll return
to the statistical fog

00:45:21.167 --> 00:45:24.299
surrounding military suicide
in Canada,

00:45:24.300 --> 00:45:29.099
but first, an international
perspective is essential.

00:45:29.100 --> 00:45:32.266
[bell tolling]

00:45:32.267 --> 00:45:34.099
In England, as in Canada,

00:45:34.100 --> 00:45:36.366
the Ministry of Defense
also reports

00:45:36.367 --> 00:45:39.167
that there is no problem
with military suicide.

00:45:40.767 --> 00:45:43.199
But General Sir Richard Dannatt,

00:45:43.200 --> 00:45:48.199
who was head of the British Army
until mid-2009, disagrees.

00:45:48.200 --> 00:45:50.299
Like Roméo Dallaire in Canada,

00:45:50.300 --> 00:45:54.299
he feels there is
a hidden crisis.

00:45:54.300 --> 00:45:55.499
- It\'s difficult to tell

00:45:55.500 --> 00:45:58.866
how large the problem
is going to be.

00:45:58.867 --> 00:46:03.399
I think a soldier
who decides to commit suicide...

00:46:03.400 --> 00:46:05.266
I think that is
the ultimate tragedy,

00:46:05.267 --> 00:46:08.266
someone who\'s been prepared
to serve their country,

00:46:08.267 --> 00:46:10.032
to take part
in difficult operations,

00:46:10.033 --> 00:46:13.299
that shows a great degree
of motivation,

00:46:13.300 --> 00:46:18.632
but then feels so isolated
and lonely and on their own

00:46:18.633 --> 00:46:21.299
without recourse
to any other form of help,

00:46:21.300 --> 00:46:23.099
and then decides to take
their own life,

00:46:23.100 --> 00:46:25.932
I think that is the ultimate
and absolute tragedy.

00:46:25.933 --> 00:46:27.699
And we\'ve got to work harder.

00:46:27.700 --> 00:46:29.799
We\'ve got to do better
to prevent people falling

00:46:29.800 --> 00:46:33.266
into that very lonely position.

00:46:33.267 --> 00:46:34.699
- This one\'s a quite nice one.

00:46:34.700 --> 00:46:39.699
He always looks like
he\'s contemplating coming home.

00:46:39.700 --> 00:46:42.666
Narrator: 25-year-old
Iraq veteran Andrew Watson

00:46:42.667 --> 00:46:46.466
never received the help
he needed from the British Army.

00:46:46.467 --> 00:46:48.966
He silenced his pain by suicide.

00:46:48.967 --> 00:46:51.432
So his mother is left
as his voice.

00:46:51.433 --> 00:46:53.466
- Well, and all you\'ve got
left of Andrew, really,

00:46:53.467 --> 00:46:55.500
is a pile of photos.

00:46:56.967 --> 00:46:58.566
Narrator:
Andrew came to visit his mom

00:46:58.567 --> 00:47:00.966
in August of 2009.

00:47:00.967 --> 00:47:02.699
She was watching
a television broadcast

00:47:02.700 --> 00:47:04.699
of the repatriation
of eight soldiers

00:47:04.700 --> 00:47:07.199
killed in Afghanistan.

00:47:07.200 --> 00:47:10.666
The cortège was passing through
the town of Wootton Bassett

00:47:10.667 --> 00:47:13.799
where the local people
always honor the returning dead

00:47:13.800 --> 00:47:15.166
for their heroism.

00:47:15.167 --> 00:47:18.132
[rhythmic clapping]

00:47:18.133 --> 00:47:20.599
- He came in,
and he looked at the telly,

00:47:20.600 --> 00:47:25.299
and he saw the soldiers
coming back from Afghanistan

00:47:25.300 --> 00:47:26.666
going through the streets,

00:47:26.667 --> 00:47:29.467
and people throwing flowers
and everything.

00:47:33.700 --> 00:47:37.032
Then he just walked up
to the telly and saluted them.

00:47:37.033 --> 00:47:39.166
And off he went.

00:47:39.167 --> 00:47:41.799
When he left,
I had a lump in my throat,

00:47:41.800 --> 00:47:44.332
because I thought to myself,
\"What was he thinking?\"

00:47:44.333 --> 00:47:45.766
So he left like that,

00:47:45.767 --> 00:47:48.866
and that was really
the last time I seen Andrew.

00:47:48.867 --> 00:47:50.432
Narrator:
Andrew had been living

00:47:50.433 --> 00:47:54.099
in this nearby
council house estate.

00:47:54.100 --> 00:47:56.166
He came back here
and ended his life

00:47:56.167 --> 00:47:59.033
by throwing himself
off his fourth floor balcony.

00:48:01.733 --> 00:48:03.466
- Andrew was a big, strong man,

00:48:03.467 --> 00:48:05.499
and he could take a lot
on his shoulders.

00:48:05.500 --> 00:48:08.032
But he couldn\'t take Iraq
on his shoulders.

00:48:08.033 --> 00:48:10.366
He couldn\'t take it.

00:48:10.367 --> 00:48:12.932
One time, apparently,
they shot a man,

00:48:12.933 --> 00:48:15.166
and the man was laying
in the street.

00:48:15.167 --> 00:48:17.166
And all of a sudden,
they were glad they\'d done it.

00:48:17.167 --> 00:48:18.399
They\'d done it.

00:48:18.400 --> 00:48:20.032
\"Oh, great, great,
great, great, great.

00:48:20.033 --> 00:48:21.266
We\'ve got him.
We\'ve got him.\"

00:48:21.267 --> 00:48:22.732
And all of a sudden,
the next minute,

00:48:22.733 --> 00:48:24.799
all his family were laying
on the floor next to him,

00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:26.432
and he\'s thinking,
\"Hold on a minute.

00:48:26.433 --> 00:48:28.966
That could be my brother.
That could be my sister,\"

00:48:28.967 --> 00:48:32.032
you know, all their family.
\"That was a human being.\"

00:48:32.033 --> 00:48:36.766
It wasn\'t that Iraqi
that we had to get or whatever.

00:48:36.767 --> 00:48:39.599
It was... it was a human being.

00:48:39.600 --> 00:48:43.932
And he had just shot
a human being.

00:48:43.933 --> 00:48:45.399
When he came out of the Army,

00:48:45.400 --> 00:48:48.666
he wasn\'t home long
before he\'d taken an overdose.

00:48:48.667 --> 00:48:50.732
Over the Christmas,
he cut his wrists

00:48:50.733 --> 00:48:54.999
and was just laying in bed
with all the blood.

00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:57.299
The Army had discharged him
off the reserve list

00:48:57.300 --> 00:49:00.099
in February this year
with low mood,

00:49:00.100 --> 00:49:02.732
suicidal thoughts,
and self-harm.

00:49:02.733 --> 00:49:05.132
And they had chose
to tell no one,

00:49:05.133 --> 00:49:08.266
because he\'s a grown man,
and he can tell who he wants.

00:49:08.267 --> 00:49:12.266
But if I was to be cruel
to my dog or my child

00:49:12.267 --> 00:49:14.132
and somebody saw me,
they\'d show...

00:49:14.133 --> 00:49:16.432
They\'d choose to report me
for that.

00:49:16.433 --> 00:49:18.099
And that\'s what the Army
should\'ve done.

00:49:18.100 --> 00:49:20.532
They should\'ve seen
beyond Andrew

00:49:20.533 --> 00:49:24.499
and reported him
to his GP or something.

00:49:24.500 --> 00:49:27.566
I\'m gonna go through
the motions of getting on,

00:49:27.567 --> 00:49:28.666
\'cause I\'ve got to.

00:49:28.667 --> 00:49:31.699
That\'s life, isn\'t it?

00:49:31.700 --> 00:49:35.266
But I feel that
the government are letting

00:49:35.267 --> 00:49:37.966
these soldiers down.

00:49:37.967 --> 00:49:40.033
These soldiers
are worthless to them.

00:49:51.567 --> 00:49:56.067
But once they come out,
put them in some scrap heap.

00:50:03.833 --> 00:50:05.899
I\'m not on my own.

00:50:05.900 --> 00:50:07.699
There\'s plenty of other mothers.

00:50:07.700 --> 00:50:12.632
But where are the Army
with people like us now?

00:50:12.633 --> 00:50:15.500
Nowhere.
Nowhere.

00:50:17.333 --> 00:50:20.999
Now we\'ve got to live
and pick up the pieces

00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:23.032
of a broken heart,

00:50:23.033 --> 00:50:24.632
\'cause that\'s
what it\'s done to me.

00:50:24.633 --> 00:50:26.900
It\'s broke my heart.

00:50:32.267 --> 00:50:33.899
Narrator: We took this story
to the man

00:50:33.900 --> 00:50:35.432
who was the head
of the British Army

00:50:35.433 --> 00:50:38.166
at the time of Andrew\'s suicide.

00:50:38.167 --> 00:50:40.899
- Well, I mean,
I think that the story

00:50:40.900 --> 00:50:44.266
you just told me of the soldier
that committed suicide

00:50:44.267 --> 00:50:46.066
two years after he came back
from Iraq

00:50:46.067 --> 00:50:49.432
having seen eight coffins
come through Wootton Bassett,

00:50:49.433 --> 00:50:50.732
I mean, is an absolute tragedy,

00:50:50.733 --> 00:50:54.799
and my heart goes out to him
and the memory of him

00:50:54.800 --> 00:50:58.399
but also to his family.

00:50:58.400 --> 00:51:02.799
It would seem that the system
has failed that former soldier

00:51:02.800 --> 00:51:05.666
and has failed that family.

00:51:05.667 --> 00:51:08.432
We\'ve got to learn lessons
from cases like that,

00:51:08.433 --> 00:51:09.766
and we\'ve got to do better.

00:51:09.767 --> 00:51:12.332
And where we\'ve failed
and let people down,

00:51:12.333 --> 00:51:15.532
well, all I can do as
a former Chief of General Staff

00:51:15.533 --> 00:51:16.800
is apologize.

00:51:33.133 --> 00:51:35.266
[jet engine whooshing]

00:51:35.267 --> 00:51:37.799
narrator: In the United States
with its huge military,

00:51:37.800 --> 00:51:40.932
the problem is of quite
a different magnitude.

00:51:40.933 --> 00:51:44.833
Top officials report
a military suicide epidemic.

00:51:46.500 --> 00:51:48.466
- Of the more
than 30,000 suicides

00:51:48.467 --> 00:51:52.732
in this country each year,
fully 20% of them

00:51:52.733 --> 00:51:55.066
are acts by veterans.

00:51:55.067 --> 00:51:57.366
That means, on average,
18 veterans

00:51:57.367 --> 00:52:00.566
commit suicide each day.

00:52:00.567 --> 00:52:04.366
- The Army kicked off
this $50 million suicide study

00:52:04.367 --> 00:52:07.132
several months ago in the fall,

00:52:07.133 --> 00:52:09.666
and there were... and it was
a five-year study.

00:52:09.667 --> 00:52:11.632
And one of the things
I worried about was,

00:52:11.633 --> 00:52:13.100
we can\'t wait five years.

00:52:18.100 --> 00:52:19.632
- Josh\'s favorite tune.

00:52:19.633 --> 00:52:21.099
[chiming music]

00:52:21.100 --> 00:52:22.532
narrator:
Josh Fueston returned

00:52:22.533 --> 00:52:26.099
from his first tour in Iraq
with PTSD.

00:52:26.100 --> 00:52:28.332
Although he was
under the Army\'s care,

00:52:28.333 --> 00:52:31.966
he ended his life
by walking in front of a train.

00:52:31.967 --> 00:52:33.699
He was 19 years old.

00:52:33.700 --> 00:52:36.266
[clock ticking]

00:52:36.267 --> 00:52:38.932
- This was not only preventable
with Josh,

00:52:38.933 --> 00:52:41.499
but this is so preventable
with every single soldier

00:52:41.500 --> 00:52:44.332
that comes back
from these combat zones.

00:52:44.333 --> 00:52:46.999
He would say,
\"Are you proud of me?\"

00:52:47.000 --> 00:52:49.032
And I\'d said,
\"Yes, I\'m proud of you.\"

00:52:49.033 --> 00:52:50.399
But he would come back and say,

00:52:50.400 --> 00:52:53.532
\"But you\'re not proud of me
for killing people.\"

00:52:53.533 --> 00:52:56.366
narrator: The veterans\' hospital
where Josh was treated

00:52:56.367 --> 00:52:59.332
has been involved in scandal
in recent years,

00:52:59.333 --> 00:53:02.232
accused of neglect,
mismanagement,

00:53:02.233 --> 00:53:03.900
and excessive bureaucracy.

00:53:05.733 --> 00:53:08.632
- I can only speak
from my own experience

00:53:08.633 --> 00:53:11.932
with what my son went through
and what I went through

00:53:11.933 --> 00:53:17.366
to try to get him the help
that he needed so desperately.

00:53:17.367 --> 00:53:22.266
And he was... he slipped
through cracks, big cracks.

00:53:22.267 --> 00:53:24.999
They put Josh on a suicide watch

00:53:25.000 --> 00:53:30.099
which sounds good
when you say \"suicide watch,\"

00:53:30.100 --> 00:53:32.532
like they\'re aware
of what\'s gonna be going on,

00:53:32.533 --> 00:53:36.532
but in theory, what it is,
is they ask...

00:53:36.533 --> 00:53:39.366
They ask Josh if he has a plan.

00:53:39.367 --> 00:53:42.799
And Josh says, \"No.\"

00:53:42.800 --> 00:53:44.399
They release him
from the hospital

00:53:44.400 --> 00:53:47.232
assuming that he\'s fine.

00:53:47.233 --> 00:53:52.666
This is what Josh had put
on his MySpace page.

00:53:52.667 --> 00:53:56.066
Narrator: Josh had posted
a suicide note on MySpace

00:53:56.067 --> 00:53:58.966
two days
before he took his life.

00:53:58.967 --> 00:54:02.666
- It... it reads like this:

00:54:02.667 --> 00:54:04.600
\"I\'m sorry for what I have done.

00:54:09.700 --> 00:54:11.566
\"People say you get
a second chance

00:54:11.567 --> 00:54:13.199
\"and can ask for forgiveness,

00:54:13.200 --> 00:54:15.599
\"but I can\'t live
knowing I was a coward

00:54:15.600 --> 00:54:19.932
\"and didn\'t return
to my comrades overseas.

00:54:19.933 --> 00:54:24.266
\"I have made bad decisions
in my life that I can\'t undo.

00:54:24.267 --> 00:54:29.432
\"Inside everyone is hope,
but I have washed all mine away.

00:54:29.433 --> 00:54:34.999
\"But crossing into the unknown
is better to me than this.

00:54:35.000 --> 00:54:37.066
\"Don\'t miss me.
This was my decision.

00:54:37.067 --> 00:54:38.832
\"And it\'s for the best.

00:54:38.833 --> 00:54:43.099
\"Nothing has been like it was
before Iraq, and it never will.

00:54:43.100 --> 00:54:45.399
\"And Walter Reed
has just made me realize

00:54:45.400 --> 00:54:47.633
that I have nothing left.\"

00:54:54.400 --> 00:54:57.299
narrator: Laurie remembers Josh,
age 13, swimming here

00:54:57.300 --> 00:54:59.266
in the frigid currents
to raise money

00:54:59.267 --> 00:55:02.532
to help other children
learn to swim.

00:55:02.533 --> 00:55:04.766
[buoy bell dinging]

00:55:04.767 --> 00:55:08.066
Now she has started
an annual swim in Josh\'s name

00:55:08.067 --> 00:55:11.366
to spread the word
that PTSD can be treated

00:55:11.367 --> 00:55:14.033
and that suicide is preventable.

00:55:15.700 --> 00:55:18.866
- These soldiers are brought
home quietly, I think,

00:55:18.867 --> 00:55:21.466
out of fear of the military.

00:55:21.467 --> 00:55:26.266
We, as survivors
of these soldiers,

00:55:26.267 --> 00:55:27.866
we truly are the reflection

00:55:27.867 --> 00:55:29.832
that the military
doesn\'t like to look at,

00:55:29.833 --> 00:55:32.432
because we are the reminder

00:55:32.433 --> 00:55:36.100
of something going
terribly wrong.

00:55:59.733 --> 00:56:02.299
Narrator: Back in Canada,
Sheila and Shaun Fynes

00:56:02.300 --> 00:56:04.866
have now waited 2 1/2 years
with no answers

00:56:04.867 --> 00:56:07.632
to their repeated requests
for an apology

00:56:07.633 --> 00:56:10.832
and for the Sacrifice Medal,
which is awarded to soldiers

00:56:10.833 --> 00:56:14.266
who die in the line of duty.

00:56:14.267 --> 00:56:16.266
- We\'re not gonna push
any more paper.

00:56:16.267 --> 00:56:17.932
I\'m gonna go,

00:56:17.933 --> 00:56:21.099
and I\'m gonna talk to somebody
who has some authority

00:56:21.100 --> 00:56:22.599
and see if we
can get this dealt with.

00:56:22.600 --> 00:56:24.966
[bell tolling]

00:56:24.967 --> 00:56:25.999
Good morning.

00:56:26.000 --> 00:56:27.366
My name is Sheila Fynes,

00:56:27.367 --> 00:56:30.399
and I\'m hear to speak
about my son, Stuart.

00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:32.199
In the last year of his life,

00:56:32.200 --> 00:56:35.799
our son had
six suicide attempts.

00:56:35.800 --> 00:56:39.366
He was never given proper
medical treatment for PTSD,

00:56:39.367 --> 00:56:42.999
which caused his condition
to deteriorate.

00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:44.999
While our family is concerned
about our treatment

00:56:45.000 --> 00:56:46.699
at the hands of the military,

00:56:46.700 --> 00:56:49.132
we are also concerned
about the larger issue

00:56:49.133 --> 00:56:50.899
of post-traumatic
stress disorder

00:56:50.900 --> 00:56:52.766
and soldier suicide.

00:56:52.767 --> 00:56:55.232
We have seen evidence
of skewed stats

00:56:55.233 --> 00:56:58.666
in order to mask a growing
problem within the Armed Forces.

00:56:58.667 --> 00:57:02.166
Narrator: Finally, Sheila Fynes
has bypassed the bureaucracy

00:57:02.167 --> 00:57:05.099
and gained the attention
of top government officials.

00:57:05.100 --> 00:57:06.666
- It\'s shameful that Mrs. Fynes,

00:57:06.667 --> 00:57:08.632
the grieving mother
of a proud soldier,

00:57:08.633 --> 00:57:11.066
should have to come all the way
from Victoria to Ottawa

00:57:11.067 --> 00:57:14.166
to publicly seek justice
after the Minister of Defence

00:57:14.167 --> 00:57:16.499
and the CDS have known
about this for months.

00:57:16.500 --> 00:57:20.599
- I order the Honorable Minister
of National Defence.

00:57:20.600 --> 00:57:22.066
- This is unacceptable.

00:57:22.067 --> 00:57:24.066
We should never refuse access

00:57:24.067 --> 00:57:25.999
to members of the military
or their families

00:57:26.000 --> 00:57:27.799
when addressing
these important matters.

00:57:27.800 --> 00:57:30.766
We will move posthaste
with compassion and respect

00:57:30.767 --> 00:57:33.532
to address this matter
to the best of our ability.

00:57:33.533 --> 00:57:35.732
- So we had our meeting
with Mr. MacKay

00:57:35.733 --> 00:57:41.432
and had a phone call
from General Walter Natynczyk.

00:57:41.433 --> 00:57:44.199
And we\'ve asked
for some very specific things,

00:57:44.200 --> 00:57:45.799
and one of them
has already happened.

00:57:45.800 --> 00:57:47.532
Getting the Memorial Crosses

00:57:47.533 --> 00:57:51.166
and the Sacrifice Medal
were huge,

00:57:51.167 --> 00:57:53.732
just huge, because,
for the first time,

00:57:53.733 --> 00:57:56.099
somebody has said,

00:57:56.100 --> 00:58:01.066
\"Stuart died as a result
of his service.\"

00:58:01.067 --> 00:58:03.666
And that\'s something
that we fought really hard for

00:58:03.667 --> 00:58:06.299
for 2 1/2 years.

00:58:06.300 --> 00:58:07.632
Hey, Stewie.

00:58:07.633 --> 00:58:09.732
You got your medal, honey.

00:58:09.733 --> 00:58:10.899
It\'s beautiful.

00:58:10.900 --> 00:58:13.599
It has your name on it,

00:58:13.600 --> 00:58:16.132
your service number,

00:58:16.133 --> 00:58:19.699
and on the back...

00:58:19.700 --> 00:58:22.166
it shows \"sacrifice.\"

00:58:22.167 --> 00:58:25.132
And it\'s beautiful.

00:58:25.133 --> 00:58:30.000
So now they recognize that
you\'re a fallen soldier, honey.

00:58:32.333 --> 00:58:34.866
I\'m proud of you, darling.

00:58:34.867 --> 00:58:36.033
- He did it, dear.

00:58:38.233 --> 00:58:40.367
- I love you, Stu.
See you next time, darling.

00:58:44.467 --> 00:58:47.232
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
is not...

00:58:47.233 --> 00:58:48.432
Hear me again...

00:58:48.433 --> 00:58:51.199
It is not a character defect.

00:58:51.200 --> 00:58:53.199
It is not a weakness.

00:58:53.200 --> 00:58:54.766
We\'re talking
about tough soldiers

00:58:54.767 --> 00:58:57.632
who have met every criteria
that they had to pass.

00:58:57.633 --> 00:58:59.332
It\'s an injury.
- Mm-hmm.

00:58:59.333 --> 00:59:01.366
- Same as a physical injury.

00:59:01.367 --> 00:59:04.532
And there\'s still a disconnect
that it\'s cowardice

00:59:04.533 --> 00:59:06.599
or it\'s weakness
or some such thing.

00:59:06.600 --> 00:59:10.532
And it certainly is not,
but that culture still persists.

00:59:10.533 --> 00:59:12.432
And hopefully that\'s changing.

00:59:12.433 --> 00:59:14.232
And maybe by us speaking out,

00:59:14.233 --> 00:59:16.499
we will do something
to change that culture,

00:59:16.500 --> 00:59:18.632
that it\'s okay to be
a good soldier

00:59:18.633 --> 00:59:20.199
and to be injured.

00:59:20.200 --> 00:59:21.867
It doesn\'t mean
that you\'re weak.

00:59:25.000 --> 00:59:27.632
- Let Josh know
what we did yesterday.

00:59:27.633 --> 00:59:30.699
Narrator: It must be recognized
that military suicide

00:59:30.700 --> 00:59:34.432
can be prevented
with the right help.

00:59:34.433 --> 00:59:37.466
Wayne has been attending
the \"Drop the Baggage\" program

00:59:37.467 --> 00:59:39.566
at the University
of British Columbia.

00:59:39.567 --> 00:59:42.732
Here is what he said
when we first met him.

00:59:42.733 --> 00:59:46.799
- I have thought of committing
suicide multiple times.

00:59:46.800 --> 00:59:48.599
I\'ve almost done it.

00:59:48.600 --> 00:59:55.699
It\'s... it\'s pretty unbearable,
the pain that you feel inside

00:59:55.700 --> 00:59:58.366
without the proper support.

00:59:58.367 --> 01:00:00.832
And you feel alone,
so... and...

01:00:00.833 --> 01:00:03.632
once the alcohol
stops working for you,

01:00:03.633 --> 01:00:06.232
you think there\'s nothing else
that you can do.

01:00:06.233 --> 01:00:08.532
You\'re at the end of your rope.

01:00:08.533 --> 01:00:10.967
And that\'s the only way
to stop the pain.

01:00:13.000 --> 01:00:15.166
- So that... and then change...

01:00:15.167 --> 01:00:16.766
- Being a basic human being,

01:00:16.767 --> 01:00:19.599
it conflicts
with being a soldier

01:00:19.600 --> 01:00:22.466
in some circumstances,

01:00:22.467 --> 01:00:24.532
because you know,
as a human being,

01:00:24.533 --> 01:00:25.899
what you should be doing,

01:00:25.900 --> 01:00:28.932
but as a soldier,
it may be different.

01:00:28.933 --> 01:00:31.733
So there\'s a lot
of inner conflict.

01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:36.199
Narrator: And here is Wayne
at the end

01:00:36.200 --> 01:00:38.499
of the \"Drop the Baggage\"
session.

01:00:38.500 --> 01:00:42.432
- I have seen changes in myself
since our last interview.

01:00:42.433 --> 01:00:43.866
I didn\'t know about the future.

01:00:43.867 --> 01:00:48.732
I didn\'t feel like
I had one before.

01:00:48.733 --> 01:00:51.866
But now it\'s kind of like
the world\'s my oyster.

01:00:51.867 --> 01:00:55.766
Like, I have a pretty set goal,

01:00:55.767 --> 01:00:59.199
and I\'m determined
to make something,

01:00:59.200 --> 01:01:00.566
then make the best of it.

01:01:00.567 --> 01:01:03.499
I want to take up
firefighting, I think.

01:01:03.500 --> 01:01:07.299
So I\'m gonna take...
Follow that avenue,

01:01:07.300 --> 01:01:09.999
do what I need to do.

01:01:10.000 --> 01:01:13.032
So it\'s... it\'s a huge,
huge impact.

01:01:13.033 --> 01:01:14.332
- That\'s amazing.
- Yeah.

01:01:14.333 --> 01:01:16.099
[laughs]

01:01:16.100 --> 01:01:17.266
narrator:
As Canada plans

01:01:17.267 --> 01:01:19.399
to reduce its troops
in Afghanistan,

01:01:19.400 --> 01:01:20.999
it is essential that support

01:01:21.000 --> 01:01:23.332
for treatment programs
is increased

01:01:23.333 --> 01:01:26.832
so our veterans
can live their lives in full.

01:01:26.833 --> 01:01:30.732
Otherwise, why should they put
their lives on the line for us

01:01:30.733 --> 01:01:32.799
and go to war?

01:01:32.800 --> 01:01:34.632
- My fear?

01:01:34.633 --> 01:01:37.366
Overarching, worst scenario,

01:01:37.367 --> 01:01:42.332
is that we see a reduction
in the operational tempo.

01:01:42.333 --> 01:01:44.166
We come out of Afghanistan.

01:01:44.167 --> 01:01:47.432
We come out
of these difficult missions.

01:01:47.433 --> 01:01:49.966
And we return to garrison,

01:01:49.967 --> 01:01:55.132
and we forget the casualties

01:01:55.133 --> 01:01:58.699
who have been affected
psychologically.

01:01:58.700 --> 01:02:00.232
- I was right there, yeah.

01:02:00.233 --> 01:02:01.567
- Just think
of the first word...

01:02:05.867 --> 01:02:08.532
- And we start cutting programs
that support them,

01:02:08.533 --> 01:02:09.999
because we often do that.

01:02:10.000 --> 01:02:12.399
We\'ll cut the, you know,
those things that we think,

01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:15.299
\"Well, jeez, do we really
need it,\" you know?

01:02:15.300 --> 01:02:18.099
And so you start cutting
those programs,

01:02:18.100 --> 01:02:19.966
then you will escalate,

01:02:19.967 --> 01:02:21.599
I guarantee it,

01:02:21.600 --> 01:02:25.099
the risk of casualties
becoming suicidal.

01:02:25.100 --> 01:02:28.032
[siren wailing]

01:02:28.033 --> 01:02:30.266
Just keep fighting.

01:02:30.267 --> 01:02:32.699
And you just keep at them.

01:02:32.700 --> 01:02:35.066
And you harass
the living daylights out...

01:02:35.067 --> 01:02:39.499
I believe a lot
in the concept of attrition.

01:02:39.500 --> 01:02:42.399
Frontal assaults
every now and again.

01:02:42.400 --> 01:02:44.866
But the best way
to get at the system

01:02:44.867 --> 01:02:46.432
is to attrit it.

01:02:46.433 --> 01:02:49.532
How do you eat
a one-ton marshmallow?

01:02:49.533 --> 01:02:51.599
One bite at a time.

01:02:51.600 --> 01:02:53.166
And that\'s what I\'m doing.

01:02:53.167 --> 01:02:56.199
- What motivates you?

01:02:56.200 --> 01:02:58.533
- My own survival.

01:03:02.600 --> 01:03:07.100
My own... my own ability to cope
with still being alive.

01:03:13.233 --> 01:03:14.567
Keeps me busy.