Our House

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'I've spent my entire life explaining my family to people who just don't get it.' - Ry, age 17

'I have a lot of my own issues like school, friends, and sports. It annoys me 'cause time after time I have to keep on talking about [having gay fathers]. It would be so much better if everybody that asked me would be in one big room and I'd tell them and after that I wouldn't have to say it once more.' - Daniel, age 13

Today, there are millions of children in the United States being raised by gay and lesbian parents. These families are at the heart of debates in courtrooms, schools and places of worship around the country as Americans struggle to define family values.

OUR HOUSE is a groundbreaking documentary that explores what it's like to grow up with gay or lesbian parents. Traveling to urban, rural and suburban communities in Arizona, Arkansas, New Jersey and New York, OUR HOUSE director Meema Spadola (the daughter of a lesbian mom) profiles the sons and daughters of five families - African American, Latino and white; Mormon, Christian, and Jewish - who illustrate some of the diversity of America's gay and lesbian families.

'An uplifting portrait of a situation clearly more common than some might think.'-Entertainment Weekly

'What is refreshing about this series of interviews is the absence of politically correct answers. Both children and parents appear to speak from the heart, saying what they really feel rather than what they think the filmmakers might want to hear.'-Minneapolis Star Tribune

'What Spadola mostly shows is how much these kids are real kids, romantic and smart and fun and bratty, and how much they are forced to think about what other kids don't have to and how they hate having to deal with the world's ideas about their parents.'-San Francisco Examiner

'The kids and parents interviewed here are well-spoken and engaging... This tape could find a home in flush gay-issues collections, especially in light of its nice little viewer's guide. Recommended.'-Video Librarian

'Enlightening... An excellent discussion prompter in school and other settings.'-Booklist

'Highly recommended!'-Library Journal

Citation

Select a citation style:

Main credits

Spadola, Meema (film producer)
Spadola, Meema (film director)

Other credits

Editor, Nancy Graydon Roach; directors of photography, William Rexer II, Victoria Ford, Scott Sinkler; original music, John M. Davis.

MARC Record See Worldcat record

Keywords

Meema Spadola; film ; video ; documentary; gay and lesbian; kids; parents; bisexual; gay ; lesbian; transgendered; lesbian and gay families; family; diversity; children; coming out; Mormon ; Christian ; Jewish; homophobia; same sex union; marriage; gay marriage; adoption; artificial insemination; sexuality; homosexuality; lesbian mothers; gay fathers; "Our House"; Icarus Films;

WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.680 align:middle line:90%

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I\'ve spent my whole life
explaining my family to other

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people who don\'t get it.

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The question that I get asked
the most is, do you

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call them both mom?

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Well, how do you tell
them apart?

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What\'s the one thing that you
wish people understood about

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having a gay dad?

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I\'m not a freak.

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If they make fun of it,
I get real mad.

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And I might beat them up.

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It\'s just another thing
for kids to pick

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on each other about.

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You know they do it.

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Give them another reason, just
going to make it much worse.

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I love my dad.

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But sometimes, I think about if
things were different, if

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he wasn\'t gay.

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Major funding for Our House
was provided by the

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Corporation for Public
Broadcasting.

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Additional funding was
provided by the Soros

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Documentary Fund of the Open
Society Institute.

00:00:51.470 --> 00:01:18.264 align:middle line:90%

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Jessie, will it take
very long?

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Why?

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Because it\'s quarter
after four.

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We have to be there at 4:15.

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Hello.

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I know!

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Out of my room, guys.

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[INAUDIBLE]

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Christopher, Jess is going
to need privacy no, OK?

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Chris.

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I know how to put them on.

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Believe me, I saw how
you put it on.

00:01:54.930 --> 00:02:01.365 align:middle line:90%

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Lift your dress up
off your knee.

00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:05.090 align:middle line:90%
[INAUDIBLE]

00:02:05.090 --> 00:02:07.305 align:middle line:90%

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You bring that like that.

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And then you draw it
up to close, see?

00:02:10.990 --> 00:02:14.392 align:middle line:90%

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Never do this, because then your
finger causes trouble.

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Yeah.

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Do you miss having a mom?

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No.

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I like having two fathers.

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Because I don\'t remember
what my mom looked

00:02:27.130 --> 00:02:28.498 align:middle line:90%
like or like that.

00:02:28.498 --> 00:02:31.991 align:middle line:90%

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To Papa, Happy Fathers
Day, Kisses

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and hugs, Love, Jessica.

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Give him two of the presents.

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My papa is the one who
speaks Spanish.

00:02:43.390 --> 00:02:48.320 align:middle line:90%
And my dad is from New York.

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We adopted five kids.

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Daniel is 13.

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Jessica\'s nine.

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Christopher\'s five.

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And the twins, Jennifer and
Kimberly, are four.

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Kimberly.

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This, for you.

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And this is for me?

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We never had to have a
conversation with any of our

00:03:06.090 --> 00:03:11.160 align:middle line:84%
kids, sitting them down and
saying, Daniel, Jessica,

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Christopher, what have you, we
have something to tell you.

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We\'re gay.

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Because they always knew that.

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Or maybe they didn\'t quite
understand what gay meant.

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But they knew that they
had two dads.

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Right.

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Thank you for the presents.

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I saw you there.

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And I guess That\'s daddy.

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That\'s papa.

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No, that\'s Papa.

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[LAUGHING]

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That\'s papa.

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No, that\'s papa.

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Do you ever tell people
at school?

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No.

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It\'s hard to explain.

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Like, they find out.

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And then they ask me.

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And I say, it\'s just like
a mom and a dad.

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Because my papa\'s like a mom--

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it\'s like, what moms do.

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My dad\'s like a dad,
like a regular dad.

00:03:54.322 --> 00:04:02.686 align:middle line:90%

00:04:02.686 --> 00:04:05.516 align:middle line:84%
Do kids bother you at
school, Daniel?

00:04:05.516 --> 00:04:08.860 align:middle line:84%
No, but a lot of them
feel surprised when

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I first tell them.

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But they get over that.

00:04:12.590 --> 00:04:15.525 align:middle line:90%

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How do you tell them?

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That I have two fathers.

00:04:20.980 --> 00:04:23.060 align:middle line:84%
And then they get the picture
after that, so I don\'t really

00:04:23.060 --> 00:04:26.834 align:middle line:90%
have to say anymore.

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Aw, come on!

00:04:28.331 --> 00:04:28.830 align:middle line:90%
Come on!

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Get him!

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Come On!

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[INTERPOSING VOICES]

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Did you ever worry that
people might think,

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your dad\'s are gay.

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You\'re going to be gay too?

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Yeah.

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Because my parents influence
me in some ways, but other

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ways they don\'t.

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In some ways they influence me
like how being nice and polite

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and giving my 100%.

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But other ways, like being gay,
they\'re not going to tell

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me to do that.

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And I\'m not.

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So--

00:05:00.580 --> 00:05:02.690 align:middle line:90%

00:05:02.690 --> 00:05:03.885 align:middle line:90%
Do you have a girlfriend now?

00:05:03.885 --> 00:05:05.135 align:middle line:90%
Yes, I do.

00:05:05.135 --> 00:05:07.730 align:middle line:90%

00:05:07.730 --> 00:05:09.680 align:middle line:90%
What?

00:05:09.680 --> 00:05:12.620 align:middle line:84%
He\'s mad, because he get
rejected like, three times.

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[CHUCKLING]

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Is it important for people to
know that you\'re straight?

00:05:18.120 --> 00:05:18.560 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:05:18.560 --> 00:05:19.270 align:middle line:90%
It\'s not important.

00:05:19.270 --> 00:05:20.980 align:middle line:90%
But I am straight.

00:05:20.980 --> 00:05:24.480 align:middle line:90%

00:05:24.480 --> 00:05:25.730 align:middle line:90%
[INAUDIBLE]

00:05:25.730 --> 00:05:27.510 align:middle line:90%

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We\'re going to feed
them over the top.

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There you go.

00:05:31.490 --> 00:05:32.520 align:middle line:90%
Right?

00:05:32.520 --> 00:05:32.950 align:middle line:90%
Here.

00:05:32.950 --> 00:05:33.916 align:middle line:90%
He\'s scary.

00:05:33.916 --> 00:05:35.850 align:middle line:90%
He\'s not going bite you.

00:05:35.850 --> 00:05:37.370 align:middle line:84%
They\'re not officially
married.

00:05:37.370 --> 00:05:41.048 align:middle line:84%
But I think one day, they
might do it in Hawaii or

00:05:41.048 --> 00:05:43.250 align:middle line:90%
something like that.

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Whenever she has the
chance, she asks us

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when are we get married?

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And she has all the
wedding plans.

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And this has been a little
difficult for her to

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understand that we\'re
not married and we

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could not get married.

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When children hear about the
law doesn\'t allow you to do

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that, if anything, they think
it\'s the law not allow you to

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hurt someone else.

00:06:05.710 --> 00:06:09.700 align:middle line:84%
The law not allow you to break
into a private house and they

00:06:09.700 --> 00:06:10.860 align:middle line:90%
steal something.

00:06:10.860 --> 00:06:13.830 align:middle line:90%
So that\'s what was so difficult

00:06:13.830 --> 00:06:15.470 align:middle line:90%
for me to talk about.

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How I do it without confusing
my daughter.

00:06:17.420 --> 00:06:20.100 align:middle line:84%
And she\'s thinking, well, what
are you doing wrong?

00:06:20.100 --> 00:06:21.770 align:middle line:84%
What\'s wrong that it\'s
against the law?

00:06:21.770 --> 00:06:30.100 align:middle line:90%

00:06:30.100 --> 00:06:32.550 align:middle line:90%
Hi.

00:06:32.550 --> 00:06:35.946 align:middle line:84%
Do you guys think about
gay rights issues?

00:06:35.946 --> 00:06:36.938 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:06:36.938 --> 00:06:37.930 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:06:37.930 --> 00:06:39.914 align:middle line:84%
I don\'t even know
what that is.

00:06:39.914 --> 00:06:45.105 align:middle line:90%

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I don\'t go against my
parents being that.

00:06:48.390 --> 00:06:53.820 align:middle line:84%
But I have a lot of my own
issues like school, friends,

00:06:53.820 --> 00:06:55.460 align:middle line:90%
and social and sports.

00:06:55.460 --> 00:07:00.830 align:middle line:90%

00:07:00.830 --> 00:07:02.850 align:middle line:90%
It\'s just, it\'s annoys me.

00:07:02.850 --> 00:07:04.890 align:middle line:84%
Because time after time,
I have to keep on

00:07:04.890 --> 00:07:06.470 align:middle line:90%
talking about it.

00:07:06.470 --> 00:07:09.513 align:middle line:84%
It\'d be so much better if
everybody that asked me would

00:07:09.513 --> 00:07:10.310 align:middle line:90%
be in one, big room.

00:07:10.310 --> 00:07:10.920 align:middle line:90%
And I\'d tell them.

00:07:10.920 --> 00:07:13.437 align:middle line:84%
And after that, I don\'t have
to say it once more.

00:07:13.437 --> 00:07:14.687 align:middle line:90%
[INAUDIBLE]

00:07:14.687 --> 00:07:17.910 align:middle line:90%

00:07:17.910 --> 00:07:20.775 align:middle line:84%
I\'d be free for the whole
rest of my life, not

00:07:20.775 --> 00:07:22.025 align:middle line:90%
answering them anymore.

00:07:22.025 --> 00:07:33.246 align:middle line:90%

00:07:33.246 --> 00:07:36.180 align:middle line:90%
[CHEERING]

00:07:36.180 --> 00:07:37.158 align:middle line:90%
Nice hit.

00:07:37.158 --> 00:07:38.136 align:middle line:90%
Nice hit.

00:07:38.136 --> 00:07:39.114 align:middle line:90%
Come on, Ryan.

00:07:39.114 --> 00:07:40.092 align:middle line:90%
Do it for Jerry.

00:07:40.092 --> 00:07:43.030 align:middle line:90%
It\'s two outs now.

00:07:43.030 --> 00:07:44.886 align:middle line:90%
Inside.

00:07:44.886 --> 00:07:45.640 align:middle line:90%
Two, one.

00:07:45.640 --> 00:07:47.610 align:middle line:90%
Two balls, one strike.

00:07:47.610 --> 00:07:48.293 align:middle line:90%
OK, Ryan.

00:07:48.293 --> 00:07:50.410 align:middle line:90%
It\'s all warmed up and all I--

00:07:50.410 --> 00:07:51.245 align:middle line:84%
What do you tell
your teammates?

00:07:51.245 --> 00:07:53.754 align:middle line:84%
What do you tell your coach
about your family?

00:07:53.754 --> 00:07:55.004 align:middle line:90%
Nothing.

00:07:55.004 --> 00:07:57.160 align:middle line:90%

00:07:57.160 --> 00:07:59.420 align:middle line:90%
It doesn\'t come up.

00:07:59.420 --> 00:08:04.460 align:middle line:84%
I\'m not there to talk about
my personal life.

00:08:04.460 --> 00:08:09.150 align:middle line:84%
I\'m there you to have
fun and play ball.

00:08:09.150 --> 00:08:10.410 align:middle line:90%
That was good, Ryan.

00:08:10.410 --> 00:08:10.690 align:middle line:90%
Very good of you.

00:08:10.690 --> 00:08:11.570 align:middle line:84%
Yes, you absolutely
to wear a helmet.

00:08:11.570 --> 00:08:13.995 align:middle line:90%
I was like, go Ryan, go Ryan!

00:08:13.995 --> 00:08:14.965 align:middle line:90%
Let\'s do it.

00:08:14.965 --> 00:08:15.940 align:middle line:90%
Hustle, hustle.

00:08:15.940 --> 00:08:18.420 align:middle line:84%
Children are taken away from
their parents every day,

00:08:18.420 --> 00:08:20.590 align:middle line:90%
because their parents are gay.

00:08:20.590 --> 00:08:23.685 align:middle line:84%
All of her life, that\'s been a
big fear of mine, that Ryan

00:08:23.685 --> 00:08:27.370 align:middle line:90%
would be taken away from me.

00:08:27.370 --> 00:08:33.225 align:middle line:84%
It\'s really pretty scary,
because I love my children.

00:08:33.225 --> 00:08:41.419 align:middle line:84%
And I would never do anything
intentionally to hurt them or

00:08:41.419 --> 00:08:43.099 align:middle line:90%
bring harm to them.

00:08:43.099 --> 00:08:47.590 align:middle line:90%
But they get it anyway.

00:08:47.590 --> 00:09:02.580 align:middle line:90%

00:09:02.580 --> 00:09:07.490 align:middle line:84%
Do you think neighbors around
here know about your family?

00:09:07.490 --> 00:09:09.620 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:09:09.620 --> 00:09:10.870 align:middle line:90%
Probably not.

00:09:10.870 --> 00:09:13.360 align:middle line:90%

00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:14.556 align:middle line:90%
I don\'t know.

00:09:14.556 --> 00:09:18.370 align:middle line:84%
What do you think their
reaction would be?

00:09:18.370 --> 00:09:19.730 align:middle line:84%
They might be kind of
weird about it.

00:09:19.730 --> 00:09:20.981 align:middle line:90%
I don\'t know.

00:09:20.981 --> 00:09:24.650 align:middle line:84%
I don\'t think that there\'s much
of a way that we could

00:09:24.650 --> 00:09:27.520 align:middle line:84%
bother them, as long as
we\'re on our property.

00:09:27.520 --> 00:09:32.011 align:middle line:90%

00:09:32.011 --> 00:09:33.508 align:middle line:90%
I bet he can.

00:09:33.508 --> 00:09:35.504 align:middle line:84%
Oh, you could ride
up that hill.

00:09:35.504 --> 00:09:36.010 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:09:36.010 --> 00:09:36.910 align:middle line:90%
But I bet he can.

00:09:36.910 --> 00:09:38.206 align:middle line:90%
You reckon?

00:09:38.206 --> 00:09:40.760 align:middle line:90%
It\'s the same daily things.

00:09:40.760 --> 00:09:43.770 align:middle line:84%
You wake up, go to work, come
home, eat dinner, take a

00:09:43.770 --> 00:09:44.530 align:middle line:90%
shower, whatever you do.

00:09:44.530 --> 00:09:45.380 align:middle line:90%
It\'s all the same.

00:09:45.380 --> 00:09:46.600 align:middle line:90%
It\'s all the same.

00:09:46.600 --> 00:09:49.010 align:middle line:84%
I got to go [INAUDIBLE]
campus.

00:09:49.010 --> 00:09:51.902 align:middle line:90%

00:09:51.902 --> 00:09:53.360 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:09:53.360 --> 00:09:56.102 align:middle line:84%
They don\'t want to accept it
or understand it, I ain\'t

00:09:56.102 --> 00:09:57.960 align:middle line:90%
going to worry about it.

00:09:57.960 --> 00:09:58.980 align:middle line:90%
They\'ve ain\'t got to like me.

00:09:58.980 --> 00:10:00.361 align:middle line:90%
I ain\'t asking you to like me.

00:10:00.361 --> 00:10:04.290 align:middle line:90%

00:10:04.290 --> 00:10:06.480 align:middle line:84%
When you were growing up, was
there any question of,

00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:07.340 align:middle line:90%
gee, my mom\'s gay.

00:10:07.340 --> 00:10:08.500 align:middle line:90%
I wonder if I\'m gay?

00:10:08.500 --> 00:10:09.750 align:middle line:90%
That\'s exactly what I thought.

00:10:09.750 --> 00:10:12.470 align:middle line:90%

00:10:12.470 --> 00:10:15.730 align:middle line:84%
I\'ve never had that kind of
experience or wanted to.

00:10:15.730 --> 00:10:16.660 align:middle line:90%
And it\'s just weird.

00:10:16.660 --> 00:10:19.260 align:middle line:84%
I just had to get in touch with
myself and ask myself,

00:10:19.260 --> 00:10:21.030 align:middle line:90%
OK, Gary, figure yourself out.

00:10:21.030 --> 00:10:25.020 align:middle line:90%

00:10:25.020 --> 00:10:27.010 align:middle line:84%
It\'s not even an issue
with me anymore.

00:10:27.010 --> 00:10:40.660 align:middle line:90%

00:10:40.660 --> 00:10:43.230 align:middle line:84%
I never imagined being at
my mother\'s wedding.

00:10:43.230 --> 00:10:49.870 align:middle line:90%

00:10:49.870 --> 00:10:51.840 align:middle line:84%
It was both of their
dreams, I think.

00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:53.720 align:middle line:90%
And they really liked it.

00:10:53.720 --> 00:10:55.790 align:middle line:84%
And they appreciated
us being there.

00:10:55.790 --> 00:11:00.160 align:middle line:90%

00:11:00.160 --> 00:11:04.550 align:middle line:84%
Her and I were the ones that
carried the rings, that were

00:11:04.550 --> 00:11:08.305 align:middle line:84%
with them up there, while they
were getting married.

00:11:08.305 --> 00:11:10.340 align:middle line:84%
And I just thought it was neat
how they were getting married.

00:11:10.340 --> 00:11:13.200 align:middle line:84%
And it was kind of a bonding
thing for her and I. And I

00:11:13.200 --> 00:11:16.890 align:middle line:84%
think it brought us all
closer together.

00:11:16.890 --> 00:11:24.800 align:middle line:84%
As Ryan saw us celebrate the
joy of our relationship, it

00:11:24.800 --> 00:11:27.780 align:middle line:84%
thrilled her to go to school
and share with your

00:11:27.780 --> 00:11:31.480 align:middle line:84%
classmates, my mom\'s
getting married.

00:11:31.480 --> 00:11:33.780 align:middle line:90%
I\'m going to be in a wedding.

00:11:33.780 --> 00:11:37.910 align:middle line:84%
These things were done in
absolute innocence.

00:11:37.910 --> 00:11:40.510 align:middle line:84%
They were done out of
pride, out of love.

00:11:40.510 --> 00:11:49.120 align:middle line:84%
And those things backfired on
her so viciously, because her

00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:52.116 align:middle line:90%
mom was marrying me.

00:11:52.116 --> 00:11:53.936 align:middle line:90%
You want to go in, pup?

00:11:53.936 --> 00:11:54.419 align:middle line:90%
No?

00:11:54.419 --> 00:11:55.669 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:11:55.669 --> 00:12:00.710 align:middle line:90%

00:12:00.710 --> 00:12:04.030 align:middle line:90%
She was put through hell.

00:12:04.030 --> 00:12:07.520 align:middle line:84%
We had thought, in the
beginning, that it was just

00:12:07.520 --> 00:12:10.210 align:middle line:90%
kids being cruel to kids.

00:12:10.210 --> 00:12:15.610 align:middle line:84%
It\'s been going on
for forever.

00:12:15.610 --> 00:12:21.700 align:middle line:84%
Every single time that classes
changed, I\'d be racing to my

00:12:21.700 --> 00:12:25.266 align:middle line:84%
locker, getting my books, and
go to the next class as fast

00:12:25.266 --> 00:12:26.720 align:middle line:90%
as I could.

00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:31.306 align:middle line:84%
And they pushed and shoved
me in the halls.

00:12:31.306 --> 00:12:32.880 align:middle line:84%
I dropped my books
a couple times.

00:12:32.880 --> 00:12:36.550 align:middle line:84%
And the they just pssh,
kicked them.

00:12:36.550 --> 00:12:38.760 align:middle line:84%
And I was late for
class, because I

00:12:38.760 --> 00:12:40.010 align:middle line:90%
couldn\'t find my books.

00:12:40.010 --> 00:12:42.475 align:middle line:90%

00:12:42.475 --> 00:12:49.770 align:middle line:84%
I only had about four friends
out 300 seventh graders.

00:12:49.770 --> 00:12:53.900 align:middle line:90%
And I lost them one by one.

00:12:53.900 --> 00:12:55.750 align:middle line:90%
I went to the principal.

00:12:55.750 --> 00:12:58.960 align:middle line:84%
And I said, there are things
going on here.

00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:00.420 align:middle line:90%
She was called stupid.

00:13:00.420 --> 00:13:02.300 align:middle line:84%
She was told, you have
sex with dogs.

00:13:02.300 --> 00:13:06.560 align:middle line:84%
She was called bitch, dog, cow,
lesbo, lesbian, whore,

00:13:06.560 --> 00:13:09.900 align:middle line:90%
queer, slut, gaywad.

00:13:09.900 --> 00:13:15.070 align:middle line:84%
Ryan had told the teacher over
and over of the incidents.

00:13:15.070 --> 00:13:17.360 align:middle line:84%
What were they saying to you
when you came to them and

00:13:17.360 --> 00:13:20.050 align:middle line:84%
said, my daughter\'s being
harassed because she has

00:13:20.050 --> 00:13:21.730 align:middle line:90%
lesbian parents?

00:13:21.730 --> 00:13:23.940 align:middle line:84%
Have you ever thought about
changing your lifestyle, now

00:13:23.940 --> 00:13:26.236 align:middle line:84%
that is affecting your
daughter\'s life?

00:13:26.236 --> 00:13:31.370 align:middle line:90%

00:13:31.370 --> 00:13:37.100 align:middle line:84%
There were two teachers standing
out while the buses

00:13:37.100 --> 00:13:39.080 align:middle line:90%
came to pick everyone up.

00:13:39.080 --> 00:13:42.590 align:middle line:90%
And I was getting choked.

00:13:42.590 --> 00:13:44.660 align:middle line:84%
And I was losing
consciousness.

00:13:44.660 --> 00:13:47.190 align:middle line:90%
I couldn\'t inhale or exhale.

00:13:47.190 --> 00:13:52.390 align:middle line:84%
And I was looking straight into
a teacher\'s eyes, who was

00:13:52.390 --> 00:13:54.500 align:middle line:90%
my home room teacher.

00:13:54.500 --> 00:13:56.620 align:middle line:90%
And he was just staring.

00:13:56.620 --> 00:13:58.800 align:middle line:90%
He wasn\'t doing nothing.

00:13:58.800 --> 00:14:01.960 align:middle line:84%
When I went to file a complaint
against the teacher,

00:14:01.960 --> 00:14:06.280 align:middle line:84%
for allowing that to happen, he
said, I did see his hands

00:14:06.280 --> 00:14:07.480 align:middle line:90%
on her throat.

00:14:07.480 --> 00:14:08.730 align:middle line:84%
I didn\'t think it
was a problem.

00:14:08.730 --> 00:14:11.600 align:middle line:90%

00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:12.350 align:middle line:90%
I pulled her out after that.

00:14:12.350 --> 00:14:14.640 align:middle line:90%
I couldn\'t take it.

00:14:14.640 --> 00:14:17.240 align:middle line:84%
I did take her to a doctor to
try to get them to send her

00:14:17.240 --> 00:14:19.580 align:middle line:90%
assignments to me at home.

00:14:19.580 --> 00:14:23.640 align:middle line:84%
And the doctor stated, it is my
opinion that continuing to

00:14:23.640 --> 00:14:25.500 align:middle line:84%
attend class, for the remainder
of the school year,

00:14:25.500 --> 00:14:27.910 align:middle line:84%
will be detrimental to Ryan\'s
psychological health.

00:14:27.910 --> 00:14:35.840 align:middle line:90%

00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:37.181 align:middle line:90%
This is your classroom.

00:14:37.181 --> 00:14:39.640 align:middle line:90%
Hm-hmm.

00:14:39.640 --> 00:14:41.600 align:middle line:84%
How long have you been
out of school?

00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:43.526 align:middle line:90%
Two years.

00:14:43.526 --> 00:14:45.290 align:middle line:90%
Do you want to go back?

00:14:45.290 --> 00:14:46.540 align:middle line:90%
Hm-hmm.

00:14:46.540 --> 00:14:58.500 align:middle line:90%

00:14:58.500 --> 00:15:03.570 align:middle line:84%
I was a caretaker
for 12 years.

00:15:03.570 --> 00:15:05.255 align:middle line:84%
Ryan kind of grew up
in the cemetery.

00:15:05.255 --> 00:15:09.892 align:middle line:90%

00:15:09.892 --> 00:15:11.804 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHING]

00:15:11.804 --> 00:15:12.760 align:middle line:90%
Come here.

00:15:12.760 --> 00:15:14.800 align:middle line:90%
Come on.

00:15:14.800 --> 00:15:17.710 align:middle line:84%
These were my grandmother\'s
people, here.

00:15:17.710 --> 00:15:20.460 align:middle line:84%
Back behind here were
my grandfather\'s.

00:15:20.460 --> 00:15:22.952 align:middle line:84%
And this is Ryan\'s
great-great-grea

00:15:22.952 --> 00:15:24.202 align:middle line:90%
t-great-great-grandfather.

00:15:24.202 --> 00:15:29.126 align:middle line:90%

00:15:29.126 --> 00:15:32.115 align:middle line:84%
Just looks like she\'s
been abandoned.

00:15:32.115 --> 00:15:34.242 align:middle line:90%
It might belong to somebody.

00:15:34.242 --> 00:15:35.700 align:middle line:84%
Well, there\'s a house
over there.

00:15:35.700 --> 00:15:37.586 align:middle line:84%
I\'d say, well, why don\'t
we go over there?

00:15:37.586 --> 00:15:39.320 align:middle line:90%
She\'s really cute.

00:15:39.320 --> 00:15:41.120 align:middle line:90%
And she\'s just adorable.

00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:42.370 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:15:42.370 --> 00:15:44.130 align:middle line:90%

00:15:44.130 --> 00:15:48.600 align:middle line:84%
The first time that I met
Vickie, I was like, ah,

00:15:48.600 --> 00:15:49.940 align:middle line:90%
there\'s something about her.

00:15:49.940 --> 00:15:50.300 align:middle line:90%
There\'s something about her.

00:15:50.300 --> 00:15:52.930 align:middle line:90%
And I was only seven or eight.

00:15:52.930 --> 00:15:56.590 align:middle line:84%
I was like, there\'s something
about her.

00:15:56.590 --> 00:15:59.800 align:middle line:84%
They were very, very good
for each other.

00:15:59.800 --> 00:16:03.790 align:middle line:84%
My mom was very good in Ryan\'s
development and growing up.

00:16:03.790 --> 00:16:06.350 align:middle line:84%
And I think it would have been
maybe a little bit harder for

00:16:06.350 --> 00:16:07.820 align:middle line:84%
what Ryan had to go
through, if my mom

00:16:07.820 --> 00:16:09.070 align:middle line:90%
wouldn\'t have been there.

00:16:09.070 --> 00:16:12.680 align:middle line:90%

00:16:12.680 --> 00:16:13.920 align:middle line:90%
It has two little levers.

00:16:13.920 --> 00:16:15.622 align:middle line:90%
Well, I know that now.

00:16:15.622 --> 00:16:16.088 align:middle line:90%
I like my dice.

00:16:16.088 --> 00:16:17.982 align:middle line:90%
It\'s a solid car.

00:16:17.982 --> 00:16:20.540 align:middle line:84%
She told me one time, I don\'t
want Vickie for you.

00:16:20.540 --> 00:16:22.380 align:middle line:90%
I want her for me.

00:16:22.380 --> 00:16:25.960 align:middle line:84%
Ryan, I think, had an insight
about what she needed as she

00:16:25.960 --> 00:16:27.390 align:middle line:90%
grew older.

00:16:27.390 --> 00:16:34.960 align:middle line:84%
Things that I had no knowledge
of, no way to

00:16:34.960 --> 00:16:37.900 align:middle line:90%
give her certain things.

00:16:37.900 --> 00:16:39.190 align:middle line:90%
Vickie and her go shopping.

00:16:39.190 --> 00:16:42.130 align:middle line:84%
And they put on makeup
together.

00:16:42.130 --> 00:16:43.180 align:middle line:90%
And they curl their hair.

00:16:43.180 --> 00:16:48.020 align:middle line:84%
And they do all this kind of
stuff that I have no idea of

00:16:48.020 --> 00:16:50.560 align:middle line:90%
having how to do at all.

00:16:50.560 --> 00:16:54.100 align:middle line:90%

00:16:54.100 --> 00:17:02.376 align:middle line:84%
I\'m definitely the mom in one
way, but Vickie is the other.

00:17:02.376 --> 00:17:04.536 align:middle line:90%
Have we got hooks?

00:17:04.536 --> 00:17:08.829 align:middle line:90%
Yeah, I got hooks.

00:17:08.829 --> 00:17:11.170 align:middle line:84%
Sofia she treats me
just like a son.

00:17:11.170 --> 00:17:17.170 align:middle line:84%
And it\'s definitely a different
experience to be

00:17:17.170 --> 00:17:19.725 align:middle line:84%
treated like a son again, after
my father was gone.

00:17:19.725 --> 00:17:23.349 align:middle line:90%

00:17:23.349 --> 00:17:28.079 align:middle line:84%
Just the things that fathers do
to children, it just brings

00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:29.760 align:middle line:90%
that into mind.

00:17:29.760 --> 00:17:32.760 align:middle line:84%
Sophia, on the weekends,
we go fishing.

00:17:32.760 --> 00:17:34.270 align:middle line:84%
Mom stays home and works
on her flowerbeds.

00:17:34.270 --> 00:17:38.570 align:middle line:84%
It\'s just the things that
just kind of remind

00:17:38.570 --> 00:17:39.820 align:middle line:90%
me of having a father.

00:17:39.820 --> 00:17:44.534 align:middle line:90%

00:17:44.534 --> 00:17:49.330 align:middle line:90%
Got a 10 pounder.

00:17:49.330 --> 00:17:51.540 align:middle line:84%
I guess it\'s kind of fun
for her too, because

00:17:51.540 --> 00:17:52.790 align:middle line:90%
she\'s never had a son.

00:17:52.790 --> 00:17:56.615 align:middle line:90%

00:17:56.615 --> 00:17:57.996 align:middle line:90%
Hey, Ryan.

00:17:57.996 --> 00:17:59.686 align:middle line:90%
Why don\'t you come over here?

00:17:59.686 --> 00:18:01.551 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:18:01.551 --> 00:18:02.801 align:middle line:90%
[INAUDIBLE]

00:18:02.801 --> 00:18:08.020 align:middle line:90%

00:18:08.020 --> 00:18:09.505 align:middle line:84%
We\'re feeding them
a lot better that

00:18:09.505 --> 00:18:10.850 align:middle line:90%
you are, over here.

00:18:10.850 --> 00:18:15.170 align:middle line:90%

00:18:15.170 --> 00:18:21.670 align:middle line:84%
We can create an entire world
that affirms our being.

00:18:21.670 --> 00:18:25.010 align:middle line:84%
And then we can turn on the
television set and see a

00:18:25.010 --> 00:18:29.720 align:middle line:84%
commercial on TV that
condemns us to hell.

00:18:29.720 --> 00:18:35.000 align:middle line:84%
We can drive down the street and
pass a marquee at a church

00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:39.728 align:middle line:84%
that we realize we\'re getting
preached against this Sunday.

00:18:39.728 --> 00:18:44.986 align:middle line:90%
[DOG BARKING]

00:18:44.986 --> 00:18:46.070 align:middle line:90%
Look at that rainbow.

00:18:46.070 --> 00:18:47.160 align:middle line:84%
It\'s getting brighter
and brighter.

00:18:47.160 --> 00:18:48.130 align:middle line:90%
Look at that.

00:18:48.130 --> 00:18:51.654 align:middle line:84%
Oh, even the double one is now
arching all the way over.

00:18:51.654 --> 00:18:55.280 align:middle line:90%

00:18:55.280 --> 00:18:56.770 align:middle line:90%
You can\'t hide who you are.

00:18:56.770 --> 00:19:01.270 align:middle line:84%
If somebody\'s driving down the
street when you walk out to

00:19:01.270 --> 00:19:06.460 align:middle line:84%
get in the car, and there
you are, being family.

00:19:06.460 --> 00:19:11.800 align:middle line:84%
Aha, we got caught going
to the grocery store.

00:19:11.800 --> 00:19:16.740 align:middle line:84%
Look, there\'s that queer
family over there.

00:19:16.740 --> 00:19:30.950 align:middle line:90%

00:19:30.950 --> 00:19:32.200 align:middle line:90%
Quit chasing me.

00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:35.850 align:middle line:90%

00:19:35.850 --> 00:19:38.410 align:middle line:84%
We need to go over the schedule
of who\'s going to

00:19:38.410 --> 00:19:40.820 align:middle line:90%
have kids when.

00:19:40.820 --> 00:19:42.832 align:middle line:90%
So they start in--

00:19:42.832 --> 00:19:43.980 align:middle line:90%
Right.

00:19:43.980 --> 00:19:46.710 align:middle line:90%
--start on the 16th of August.

00:19:46.710 --> 00:19:48.410 align:middle line:84%
You\'re going to take
them next weekend?

00:19:48.410 --> 00:19:51.910 align:middle line:84%
I\'ve got them this weekend
for Memorial Day.

00:19:51.910 --> 00:19:54.040 align:middle line:84%
Can you do it on the weekend
of the 18th?

00:19:54.040 --> 00:19:54.670 align:middle line:90%
That\'s fine.

00:19:54.670 --> 00:19:57.015 align:middle line:84%
There\'s a singles conference
up in Salt Lake that

00:19:57.015 --> 00:19:57.500 align:middle line:90%
I\'d like to go to.

00:19:57.500 --> 00:19:58.750 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:19:58.750 --> 00:20:10.000 align:middle line:90%

00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:13.310 align:middle line:84%
We had been married in
a Mormon temple.

00:20:13.310 --> 00:20:17.800 align:middle line:84%
And when you enter into that
kind of marriage, you believe

00:20:17.800 --> 00:20:21.070 align:middle line:84%
it is for time and all eternity,
not just \'til death

00:20:21.070 --> 00:20:22.320 align:middle line:90%
do you part.

00:20:22.320 --> 00:20:24.640 align:middle line:90%

00:20:24.640 --> 00:20:27.600 align:middle line:84%
From the outside, we would
have looked like a model

00:20:27.600 --> 00:20:29.130 align:middle line:90%
Mormon marriage.

00:20:29.130 --> 00:20:32.100 align:middle line:84%
But inside it was
very different.

00:20:32.100 --> 00:20:36.610 align:middle line:84%
You could tell they weren\'t
really happy together.

00:20:36.610 --> 00:20:40.610 align:middle line:84%
And then when they got divorced,
I wasn\'t really sad

00:20:40.610 --> 00:20:41.780 align:middle line:90%
that they got divorced.

00:20:41.780 --> 00:20:45.130 align:middle line:84%
I was just really mad because
nobody will tell me why.

00:20:45.130 --> 00:20:47.780 align:middle line:90%
I wanted to know why.

00:20:47.780 --> 00:20:52.570 align:middle line:84%
Before Jan and I got married,
I told her about how I\'d had

00:20:52.570 --> 00:20:57.320 align:middle line:84%
homosexual experiences in junior
high, and how sometimes

00:20:57.320 --> 00:21:01.200 align:middle line:84%
I still had homosexual
feelings.

00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:04.820 align:middle line:84%
I believe Dwight was
biologically born with a

00:21:04.820 --> 00:21:08.940 align:middle line:84%
predisposition toward
homosexuality.

00:21:08.940 --> 00:21:11.850 align:middle line:84%
What he chooses to do with
that, during his

00:21:11.850 --> 00:21:14.390 align:middle line:90%
life, is up to him.

00:21:14.390 --> 00:21:17.530 align:middle line:84%
He chose to follow
that lifestyle.

00:21:17.530 --> 00:21:21.680 align:middle line:90%
He chose to end a marriage.

00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:24.120 align:middle line:84%
When he first came out,
I didn\'t tell anyone.

00:21:24.120 --> 00:21:25.270 align:middle line:90%
I didn\'t tell anyone.

00:21:25.270 --> 00:21:28.020 align:middle line:90%
Because it was huge.

00:21:28.020 --> 00:21:30.950 align:middle line:90%
And I was so afraid.

00:21:30.950 --> 00:21:34.680 align:middle line:84%
Me being little miss Mormon
girl, this was evil.

00:21:34.680 --> 00:21:36.960 align:middle line:84%
This was bad, especially
in the church,

00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:39.350 align:middle line:90%
especially in the church.

00:21:39.350 --> 00:21:41.680 align:middle line:84%
The Mormon church is
not the halfway,

00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:44.930 align:middle line:84%
go-to-church-on-Sunday
kind of place.

00:21:44.930 --> 00:21:51.160 align:middle line:84%
The attitude toward
homosexuality is one of

00:21:51.160 --> 00:21:51.870 align:middle line:90%
abhorrence.

00:21:51.870 --> 00:21:53.990 align:middle line:90%
It is unthinkable.

00:21:53.990 --> 00:21:57.810 align:middle line:84%
It\'s an abomination against
the natural order of man.

00:21:57.810 --> 00:22:00.070 align:middle line:84%
I had nightmares about it, just
everybody sitting there

00:22:00.070 --> 00:22:02.990 align:middle line:84%
and staring at me, being
like, her dad is gay.

00:22:02.990 --> 00:22:04.240 align:middle line:90%
She\'s evil.

00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:07.820 align:middle line:90%

00:22:07.820 --> 00:22:11.204 align:middle line:84%
It was a little hard
getting used to.

00:22:11.204 --> 00:22:13.675 align:middle line:84%
It was a completely new
life that my dad

00:22:13.675 --> 00:22:17.260 align:middle line:90%
had, completely new.

00:22:17.260 --> 00:22:17.740 align:middle line:90%
I gave you two.

00:22:17.740 --> 00:22:19.450 align:middle line:90%
You want a one?

00:22:19.450 --> 00:22:20.670 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:22:20.670 --> 00:22:21.370 align:middle line:90%
Yeah, sure.

00:22:21.370 --> 00:22:24.845 align:middle line:90%
No, don\'t cheat for her.

00:22:24.845 --> 00:22:28.300 align:middle line:84%
He was living in a different
house and had

00:22:28.300 --> 00:22:30.084 align:middle line:90%
completely new friends.

00:22:30.084 --> 00:22:31.072 align:middle line:90%
All right, Amber.

00:22:31.072 --> 00:22:32.060 align:middle line:90%
Come on, let\'s move it.

00:22:32.060 --> 00:22:33.310 align:middle line:90%
How rude.

00:22:33.310 --> 00:22:36.510 align:middle line:90%

00:22:36.510 --> 00:22:38.710 align:middle line:84%
And I didn\'t think,
what did I do?

00:22:38.710 --> 00:22:41.880 align:middle line:90%
Why is this happening to me?

00:22:41.880 --> 00:22:45.650 align:middle line:84%
And it was like, well, if I
pray hard enough, if I\'m a

00:22:45.650 --> 00:22:50.814 align:middle line:84%
good enough Mormon, then
I\'ll see an answer.

00:22:50.814 --> 00:22:52.130 align:middle line:90%
Bangs out, please.

00:22:52.130 --> 00:22:52.890 align:middle line:90%
Bangs out.

00:22:52.890 --> 00:22:54.290 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:22:54.290 --> 00:22:55.985 align:middle line:84%
Are we going to curl
them afterwards?

00:22:55.985 --> 00:22:56.430 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:22:56.430 --> 00:22:57.320 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:22:57.320 --> 00:23:00.100 align:middle line:84%
I really enjoy going to church,
because I have a lot

00:23:00.100 --> 00:23:01.930 align:middle line:90%
of friends there.

00:23:01.930 --> 00:23:06.490 align:middle line:84%
It\'s gives me some
sort of normal--

00:23:06.490 --> 00:23:08.480 align:middle line:84%
something to fall back
on in my life.

00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:11.910 align:middle line:90%

00:23:11.910 --> 00:23:13.200 align:middle line:84%
Everything ready for church
that you need?

00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:13.490 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:23:13.490 --> 00:23:18.750 align:middle line:84%
I have the goal for you to sign
off, when I had to try to

00:23:18.750 --> 00:23:20.400 align:middle line:90%
be happy for one week.

00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:21.474 align:middle line:90%
Did it work?

00:23:21.474 --> 00:23:23.310 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:23:23.310 --> 00:23:25.000 align:middle line:84%
It was a terrible
crash and burn.

00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:27.140 align:middle line:90%
But hey, I tried.

00:23:27.140 --> 00:23:30.990 align:middle line:84%
What were you supposed to do
other than generally be happy

00:23:30.990 --> 00:23:32.950 align:middle line:90%
for a week?

00:23:32.950 --> 00:23:34.110 align:middle line:90%
That was basically it.

00:23:34.110 --> 00:23:39.580 align:middle line:84%
Try to control my circumstances
to be happy and

00:23:39.580 --> 00:23:41.020 align:middle line:84%
try to be happy no
matter what the

00:23:41.020 --> 00:23:43.470 align:middle line:90%
circumstances are for one week.

00:23:43.470 --> 00:23:44.950 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:23:44.950 --> 00:23:49.300 align:middle line:84%
Work on the attitude of how you
accept things happening in

00:23:49.300 --> 00:23:50.140 align:middle line:90%
your environment.

00:23:50.140 --> 00:23:50.450 align:middle line:90%
I think that--

00:23:50.450 --> 00:23:51.260 align:middle line:90%
I did.

00:23:51.260 --> 00:23:52.730 align:middle line:90%
--is a worthwhile goal.

00:23:52.730 --> 00:23:55.820 align:middle line:90%

00:23:55.820 --> 00:23:58.480 align:middle line:84%
Do you ever hear anti-gay
stuff at church?

00:23:58.480 --> 00:23:59.815 align:middle line:90%
Yeah, often.

00:23:59.815 --> 00:24:03.750 align:middle line:90%

00:24:03.750 --> 00:24:07.190 align:middle line:84%
Kind of often, we\'ll be
reading scripture.

00:24:07.190 --> 00:24:10.210 align:middle line:84%
And it\'ll mention something
about how that\'s not right.

00:24:10.210 --> 00:24:11.630 align:middle line:84%
And our teachers will
talk to us.

00:24:11.630 --> 00:24:14.700 align:middle line:84%
But for the most part, they
try to avoid it around me.

00:24:14.700 --> 00:24:16.560 align:middle line:84%
Because they know it\'s
really hard.

00:24:16.560 --> 00:24:20.050 align:middle line:84%
Because I have my dad,
and I love my dad.

00:24:20.050 --> 00:24:23.660 align:middle line:84%
And there\'s no way that I could
not love my dad, just

00:24:23.660 --> 00:24:24.910 align:middle line:90%
because he\'s a homosexual.

00:24:24.910 --> 00:24:28.470 align:middle line:90%

00:24:28.470 --> 00:24:31.670 align:middle line:84%
For the longest time, I was
so mixed up in the head.

00:24:31.670 --> 00:24:33.130 align:middle line:90%
And I talked to the bishop.

00:24:33.130 --> 00:24:34.860 align:middle line:90%
I talked to my teachers.

00:24:34.860 --> 00:24:37.010 align:middle line:84%
And they all told me
the same thing.

00:24:37.010 --> 00:24:38.760 align:middle line:90%
Your dad\'s gay.

00:24:38.760 --> 00:24:40.650 align:middle line:90%
That\'s bad.

00:24:40.650 --> 00:24:44.000 align:middle line:84%
And I would be a better Mormon
for forgiving him for that.

00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:46.920 align:middle line:90%
But I want to forgive him.

00:24:46.920 --> 00:24:48.575 align:middle line:90%
What had he done wrong?

00:24:48.575 --> 00:24:52.190 align:middle line:90%

00:24:52.190 --> 00:24:53.660 align:middle line:90%
I just want a scoop, dad.

00:24:53.660 --> 00:24:56.090 align:middle line:90%
A, as in single, as in one.

00:24:56.090 --> 00:24:57.025 align:middle line:90%
Give me two.

00:24:57.025 --> 00:24:57.510 align:middle line:90%
As in one.

00:24:57.510 --> 00:24:58.530 align:middle line:90%
These are real light ones.

00:24:58.530 --> 00:24:59.780 align:middle line:90%
So you\'ve got two there.

00:24:59.780 --> 00:25:03.308 align:middle line:90%

00:25:03.308 --> 00:25:03.769 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:25:03.769 --> 00:25:05.730 align:middle line:84%
This looks like a couple,
as in dos.

00:25:05.730 --> 00:25:06.530 align:middle line:90%
Yeah, but there--

00:25:06.530 --> 00:25:09.082 align:middle line:84%
I remember asking for
one, as in uno.

00:25:09.082 --> 00:25:12.510 align:middle line:90%
But they are half-ones each.

00:25:12.510 --> 00:25:15.890 align:middle line:84%
The freshman year comes, and
I meet this great guy.

00:25:15.890 --> 00:25:18.880 align:middle line:84%
He\'s totally just the nicest
guy I ever met.

00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:20.260 align:middle line:90%
And he\'s gay.

00:25:20.260 --> 00:25:22.450 align:middle line:84%
And he\'s just come
out to everyone.

00:25:22.450 --> 00:25:24.810 align:middle line:84%
The year before, he came
out to everyone.

00:25:24.810 --> 00:25:29.430 align:middle line:84%
And it was like,
wow, oh, dude.

00:25:29.430 --> 00:25:33.900 align:middle line:84%
He\'s gay and people still love
him and hang out with him.

00:25:33.900 --> 00:25:36.070 align:middle line:90%
And he himself is gay.

00:25:36.070 --> 00:25:39.320 align:middle line:84%
And if my dad\'s gay, then maybe
it\'s not going to be as

00:25:39.320 --> 00:25:40.570 align:middle line:90%
big a deal as I thought.

00:25:40.570 --> 00:25:55.000 align:middle line:90%

00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:57.810 align:middle line:90%
So freshman year, I come out.

00:25:57.810 --> 00:25:59.660 align:middle line:84%
I come out-- it\'s so
weird to say that.

00:25:59.660 --> 00:26:02.060 align:middle line:84%
But I come out to my friends
about my dad.

00:26:02.060 --> 00:26:05.030 align:middle line:90%
And it takes guts, you know.

00:26:05.030 --> 00:26:09.470 align:middle line:84%
It takes guts to admit that
someone you love, someone who

00:26:09.470 --> 00:26:12.940 align:middle line:84%
is very much a part of you-- and
you are very much a part

00:26:12.940 --> 00:26:15.342 align:middle line:84%
of them and have come
from them--

00:26:15.342 --> 00:26:19.940 align:middle line:84%
is gay and is what the world
tells you is horrible.

00:26:19.940 --> 00:26:28.644 align:middle line:90%

00:26:28.644 --> 00:26:30.035 align:middle line:90%
Well, I liked Rick.

00:26:30.035 --> 00:26:31.340 align:middle line:90%
Oh, I liked Rick too.

00:26:31.340 --> 00:26:33.030 align:middle line:90%
He was great.

00:26:33.030 --> 00:26:34.450 align:middle line:84%
Did not like Steve,
whatsoever.

00:26:34.450 --> 00:26:36.320 align:middle line:84%
The minute I met him,
I was like, what are

00:26:36.320 --> 00:26:38.300 align:middle line:90%
you thinking, dad?

00:26:38.300 --> 00:26:39.225 align:middle line:90%
Did not like him.

00:26:39.225 --> 00:26:40.776 align:middle line:90%
Oh, man.

00:26:40.776 --> 00:26:43.070 align:middle line:84%
Wasn\'t he the one with
the ponytail?

00:26:43.070 --> 00:26:47.200 align:middle line:84%
No, no, no it was
the other one.

00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:49.025 align:middle line:84%
The one that said dad
was self centered.

00:26:49.025 --> 00:26:52.306 align:middle line:90%

00:26:52.306 --> 00:26:54.290 align:middle line:90%
I don\'t remember Steve.

00:26:54.290 --> 00:26:54.660 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:26:54.660 --> 00:26:55.386 align:middle line:90%
I\'m sorry.

00:26:55.386 --> 00:26:59.410 align:middle line:84%
I don\'t have any tolerance for
people who cut down my father.

00:26:59.410 --> 00:27:00.100 align:middle line:90%
I\'m sorry.

00:27:00.100 --> 00:27:01.570 align:middle line:90%
But you do it all the time.

00:27:01.570 --> 00:27:02.920 align:middle line:90%
Yeah, that\'s different.

00:27:02.920 --> 00:27:05.800 align:middle line:90%
I know you.

00:27:05.800 --> 00:27:07.900 align:middle line:84%
I hate rating guys
with my dad.

00:27:07.900 --> 00:27:08.600 align:middle line:90%
I don\'t do that.

00:27:08.600 --> 00:27:10.100 align:middle line:84%
It\'s kind of funny though,
because he\'ll do

00:27:10.100 --> 00:27:11.380 align:middle line:90%
that with my sister.

00:27:11.380 --> 00:27:13.450 align:middle line:84%
And he\'ll be like, hey,
Amber, isn\'t that

00:27:13.450 --> 00:27:15.220 align:middle line:90%
guy over there cute?

00:27:15.220 --> 00:27:17.260 align:middle line:90%
Like in movies and in

00:27:17.260 --> 00:27:18.890 align:middle line:90%
restaurants, we\'ll rate waiters.

00:27:18.890 --> 00:27:20.770 align:middle line:90%
And we totally go off scale.

00:27:20.770 --> 00:27:22.400 align:middle line:84%
I\'m like, what are you
talking about?

00:27:22.400 --> 00:27:25.040 align:middle line:84%
That guy is the cutest
guy in the world.

00:27:25.040 --> 00:27:29.800 align:middle line:84%
The weirdest question a friend
has ever asked, or a comment

00:27:29.800 --> 00:27:32.320 align:middle line:84%
anybody said, was one
of my friends.

00:27:32.320 --> 00:27:33.200 align:middle line:90%
We were goofing around.

00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:35.900 align:middle line:84%
And she\'s like, now, if you
really think about that, your

00:27:35.900 --> 00:27:36.730 align:middle line:90%
dad\'s gay, right?

00:27:36.730 --> 00:27:37.730 align:middle line:90%
And I\'m like, yeah.

00:27:37.730 --> 00:27:40.970 align:middle line:84%
And she\'s like, what would
he do for sex?

00:27:40.970 --> 00:27:44.020 align:middle line:84%
And I\'m like, oh, god, thank you
for that wonderful picture

00:27:44.020 --> 00:27:46.440 align:middle line:90%
you just now put in my head.

00:27:46.440 --> 00:27:49.990 align:middle line:84%
And just don\'t go there, because
that\'s just weird.

00:27:49.990 --> 00:27:57.470 align:middle line:90%
[MUSIC AND CHEERING]

00:27:57.470 --> 00:27:59.910 align:middle line:84%
For once, we\'re walking down the
street, and the crowds are

00:27:59.910 --> 00:28:01.430 align:middle line:90%
like, saying thank you.

00:28:01.430 --> 00:28:04.670 align:middle line:84%
Because they\'re so appreciative
of how much we

00:28:04.670 --> 00:28:05.920 align:middle line:90%
support them.

00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:08.422 align:middle line:90%

00:28:08.422 --> 00:28:11.720 align:middle line:84%
I really like that kind of
atmosphere, just like being

00:28:11.720 --> 00:28:13.050 align:middle line:90%
with people who are for it.

00:28:13.050 --> 00:28:18.770 align:middle line:90%
[MUSIC AND CHEERING]

00:28:18.770 --> 00:28:20.110 align:middle line:84%
Me and my sister
will sit there.

00:28:20.110 --> 00:28:23.365 align:middle line:84%
And I\'ll be like, how can
you go to a church

00:28:23.365 --> 00:28:24.615 align:middle line:90%
that hates your father?

00:28:24.615 --> 00:28:26.960 align:middle line:90%

00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:28.760 align:middle line:84%
I understand my mom
a little more.

00:28:28.760 --> 00:28:31.450 align:middle line:84%
But basically, the general
consensus from both of them is

00:28:31.450 --> 00:28:33.770 align:middle line:84%
there\'s so much other great
stuff in the church that

00:28:33.770 --> 00:28:35.600 align:middle line:84%
they\'re willing to
overlook it.

00:28:35.600 --> 00:28:41.410 align:middle line:84%
They\'re willing to overlook
that little thing.

00:28:41.410 --> 00:28:42.660 align:middle line:90%
And I\'m not.

00:28:42.660 --> 00:28:48.450 align:middle line:90%

00:28:48.450 --> 00:28:49.400 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:28:49.400 --> 00:28:50.790 align:middle line:90%
My notebook paper, I Have.

00:28:50.790 --> 00:28:54.510 align:middle line:84%
I need a protractor, graph
paper, and then I have--

00:28:54.510 --> 00:28:59.150 align:middle line:84%
It was really, really hard for
me to convince my mom that I

00:28:59.150 --> 00:29:01.410 align:middle line:84%
am quitting the Mormon
religion.

00:29:01.410 --> 00:29:03.990 align:middle line:84%
Because that\'s the last
thing she wanted.

00:29:03.990 --> 00:29:04.946 align:middle line:90%
[INAUDIBLE] to do.

00:29:04.946 --> 00:29:06.380 align:middle line:90%
So I think I\'ll survive--

00:29:06.380 --> 00:29:08.160 align:middle line:90%
It\'s a constant struggle.

00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:11.860 align:middle line:84%
But at this point, I just
feel that I can

00:29:11.860 --> 00:29:13.370 align:middle line:90%
live with the struggle.

00:29:13.370 --> 00:29:17.370 align:middle line:84%
I can\'t give up my membership in
something that\'s brought me

00:29:17.370 --> 00:29:19.970 align:middle line:90%
so much joy in my life.

00:29:19.970 --> 00:29:24.760 align:middle line:84%
And yet, I also have a deep
respect for the journey that

00:29:24.760 --> 00:29:27.090 align:middle line:84%
my ex-husband is
going through.

00:29:27.090 --> 00:29:31.390 align:middle line:84%
And while I may not agree in the
direction that it\'s gone,

00:29:31.390 --> 00:29:33.100 align:middle line:84%
he is the father
of my children.

00:29:33.100 --> 00:29:37.970 align:middle line:84%
And he has as much right
to live his life to his

00:29:37.970 --> 00:29:42.150 align:middle line:84%
convictions as I feel I have
to live my life to my

00:29:42.150 --> 00:29:45.000 align:middle line:90%
convictions.

00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:45.980 align:middle line:90%
You OK?

00:29:45.980 --> 00:29:47.194 align:middle line:90%
Yeah, I\'m OK.

00:29:47.194 --> 00:29:48.466 align:middle line:90%
I think we\'re successful.

00:29:48.466 --> 00:29:50.906 align:middle line:90%
I feel the ladder trembling.

00:29:50.906 --> 00:29:53.774 align:middle line:84%
You\'re doing an awfully
good job there.

00:29:53.774 --> 00:29:55.310 align:middle line:84%
Can I come up and try
and help you, dad?

00:29:55.310 --> 00:29:55.740 align:middle line:90%
Yes, you can.

00:29:55.740 --> 00:29:58.134 align:middle line:84%
Why don\'t you put
on the next one?

00:29:58.134 --> 00:30:00.548 align:middle line:84%
I\'ll just be here
and supportive.

00:30:00.548 --> 00:30:02.300 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:30:02.300 --> 00:30:04.650 align:middle line:90%
Oh and like, I do that thing.

00:30:04.650 --> 00:30:06.260 align:middle line:90%
Well, you\'re supportive too.

00:30:06.260 --> 00:30:07.435 align:middle line:90%
You\'re both very supportive.

00:30:07.435 --> 00:30:09.766 align:middle line:84%
Yeah, except when
I go into ROTC.

00:30:09.766 --> 00:30:12.006 align:middle line:90%
Ouch.

00:30:12.006 --> 00:30:12.910 align:middle line:90%
I don\'t know.

00:30:12.910 --> 00:30:15.460 align:middle line:90%
That could be very supportive.

00:30:15.460 --> 00:30:17.240 align:middle line:90%
You can make the money for us.

00:30:17.240 --> 00:30:20.620 align:middle line:84%
She can support us in
our old age, Dwight.

00:30:20.620 --> 00:30:26.710 align:middle line:84%
We expect a swimming pool and
I\'m not sure adjoining houses,

00:30:26.710 --> 00:30:29.275 align:middle line:84%
maybe one on each side of the
lake, you were talking about

00:30:29.275 --> 00:30:31.120 align:middle line:90%
you\'re going to have.

00:30:31.120 --> 00:30:32.770 align:middle line:90%
Adjoining houses?

00:30:32.770 --> 00:30:33.170 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:30:33.170 --> 00:30:34.280 align:middle line:90%
Well, that would--

00:30:34.280 --> 00:30:36.348 align:middle line:90%
One on each side of the lake.

00:30:36.348 --> 00:30:37.316 align:middle line:84%
Don\'t know that it\'ll
ever happen.

00:30:37.316 --> 00:30:37.800 align:middle line:90%
I want to

00:30:37.800 --> 00:30:40.040 align:middle line:90%
live on an ocean Fine.

00:30:40.040 --> 00:30:43.470 align:middle line:84%
I\'ll put you guys on opposite
sides of the country.

00:30:43.470 --> 00:30:43.956 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHING]

00:30:43.956 --> 00:30:45.414 align:middle line:90%
Opposite sides of the country.

00:30:45.414 --> 00:30:46.664 align:middle line:90%
How\'s that?

00:30:46.664 --> 00:31:16.852 align:middle line:90%

00:31:16.852 --> 00:31:17.844 align:middle line:90%
It\'s hot.

00:31:17.844 --> 00:31:18.836 align:middle line:90%
Whew.

00:31:18.836 --> 00:31:20.820 align:middle line:90%
Got to wash my face.

00:31:20.820 --> 00:31:22.070 align:middle line:90%
Ooh.

00:31:22.070 --> 00:31:28.756 align:middle line:90%

00:31:28.756 --> 00:31:29.748 align:middle line:90%
You ready?

00:31:29.748 --> 00:31:31.236 align:middle line:90%
[CAR STARTS]

00:31:31.236 --> 00:31:31.732 align:middle line:90%
Uh-oh.

00:31:31.732 --> 00:31:34.708 align:middle line:84%
Now, you didn\'t put on pink
socks and have on a blue top.

00:31:34.708 --> 00:31:37.685 align:middle line:90%
Where are the blue socks?

00:31:37.685 --> 00:31:40.660 align:middle line:90%
Do I have to [INAUDIBLE]?

00:31:40.660 --> 00:31:42.270 align:middle line:84%
Would you put your shirt
down, please?

00:31:42.270 --> 00:31:44.723 align:middle line:84%
Sandor, could you please go
and put on blue socks?

00:31:44.723 --> 00:31:47.100 align:middle line:90%
Or white socks, please?

00:31:47.100 --> 00:31:48.180 align:middle line:90%
They wouldn\'t work with this.

00:31:48.180 --> 00:31:49.300 align:middle line:90%
That\'s red and white.

00:31:49.300 --> 00:31:50.550 align:middle line:90%
There\'s no red in this.

00:31:50.550 --> 00:31:55.030 align:middle line:90%

00:31:55.030 --> 00:31:56.680 align:middle line:84%
Having a difference
of opinions in

00:31:56.680 --> 00:31:57.665 align:middle line:90%
the color of socks.

00:31:57.665 --> 00:31:59.790 align:middle line:84%
I told her, choose
your battles.

00:31:59.790 --> 00:32:01.420 align:middle line:84%
If he wants to wear pink socks,
let him wear pink

00:32:01.420 --> 00:32:02.946 align:middle line:90%
socks, you know what I mean?

00:32:02.946 --> 00:32:04.760 align:middle line:84%
Let him wear the color socks
he wants to wear, right?

00:32:04.760 --> 00:32:06.812 align:middle line:90%
But you know how mothers are.

00:32:06.812 --> 00:32:08.327 align:middle line:90%
I was the same way with mine.

00:32:08.327 --> 00:32:14.051 align:middle line:90%

00:32:14.051 --> 00:32:16.310 align:middle line:90%
Do you have keys?

00:32:16.310 --> 00:32:17.850 align:middle line:90%
Most people think homosexuality

00:32:17.850 --> 00:32:19.350 align:middle line:90%
is only about same--

00:32:19.350 --> 00:32:19.920 align:middle line:90%
It\'s a sexual.

00:32:19.920 --> 00:32:21.800 align:middle line:90%
--sex, sex.

00:32:21.800 --> 00:32:23.200 align:middle line:90%
It\'s the whole picture.

00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:24.360 align:middle line:90%
It\'s family.

00:32:24.360 --> 00:32:25.000 align:middle line:90%
It\'s church.

00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:25.650 align:middle line:90%
It\'s the way you live.

00:32:25.650 --> 00:32:26.370 align:middle line:90%
It\'s work.

00:32:26.370 --> 00:32:28.310 align:middle line:90%
It\'s everything.

00:32:28.310 --> 00:32:29.875 align:middle line:90%
Back off, Saveon.

00:32:29.875 --> 00:32:31.150 align:middle line:90%
You don\'t know hot to play.

00:32:31.150 --> 00:32:31.550 align:middle line:90%
That\'s all.

00:32:31.550 --> 00:32:35.987 align:middle line:90%
Look, these are my toys.

00:32:35.987 --> 00:32:37.801 align:middle line:90%
Get off, man.

00:32:37.801 --> 00:32:41.530 align:middle line:84%
Sandor, I know you\'ve had
some hassles at school.

00:32:41.530 --> 00:32:43.720 align:middle line:90%
Well, we used to.

00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:46.902 align:middle line:84%
Talking about your mom being
a lesbian and stuff?

00:32:46.902 --> 00:32:48.324 align:middle line:90%
Mm-hmm.

00:32:48.324 --> 00:32:50.410 align:middle line:84%
What kind of stuff
was happening?

00:32:50.410 --> 00:32:50.880 align:middle line:90%
Nothing.

00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:52.625 align:middle line:84%
They just talking about
her and everything.

00:32:52.625 --> 00:32:55.220 align:middle line:90%

00:32:55.220 --> 00:32:57.700 align:middle line:90%
What would they say?

00:32:57.700 --> 00:32:58.960 align:middle line:90%
Oh, you have two mothers.

00:32:58.960 --> 00:33:00.242 align:middle line:90%
I don\'t really care anymore.

00:33:00.242 --> 00:33:02.610 align:middle line:90%
I just ignore it.

00:33:02.610 --> 00:33:06.866 align:middle line:84%
Was it something that you
wouldn\'t talk about at school?

00:33:06.866 --> 00:33:07.860 align:middle line:90%
You wouldn\'t tell people.

00:33:07.860 --> 00:33:11.460 align:middle line:84%
No, I wouldn\'t anybody
my business.

00:33:11.460 --> 00:33:12.530 align:middle line:90%
How about you, Saveon?

00:33:12.530 --> 00:33:14.260 align:middle line:90%
Do you tell people at school?

00:33:14.260 --> 00:33:15.510 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:33:15.510 --> 00:33:17.450 align:middle line:90%

00:33:17.450 --> 00:33:18.700 align:middle line:90%
Why not?

00:33:18.700 --> 00:33:22.870 align:middle line:90%

00:33:22.870 --> 00:33:26.060 align:middle line:84%
Because I\'m too busy playing
with my friends.

00:33:26.060 --> 00:33:29.760 align:middle line:84%
So I don\'t have time
to tell them.

00:33:29.760 --> 00:33:34.520 align:middle line:84%
So if someone sees you and your
in and Pat, and they say,

00:33:34.520 --> 00:33:38.790 align:middle line:84%
oh, who\'s that person
with your mom?

00:33:38.790 --> 00:33:41.720 align:middle line:84%
Because I usually just
say it\'s my Aunt Pat.

00:33:41.720 --> 00:33:46.460 align:middle line:84%
Because that\'s what I like
to say, Aunt Pat.

00:33:46.460 --> 00:33:49.210 align:middle line:84%
When we were just friends,
Rochelle made them

00:33:49.210 --> 00:33:49.680 align:middle line:90%
call me Aunt Pat.

00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:50.770 align:middle line:84%
Because I didn\'t like
the Miss Pat.

00:33:50.770 --> 00:33:53.170 align:middle line:84%
And I wasn\'t going to allow
them to call me just Pat.

00:33:53.170 --> 00:33:53.690 align:middle line:90%
They\'re children.

00:33:53.690 --> 00:33:54.655 align:middle line:90%
I\'m from the old school.

00:33:54.655 --> 00:33:56.053 align:middle line:84%
You don\'t call me by
my first name.

00:33:56.053 --> 00:34:01.360 align:middle line:90%

00:34:01.360 --> 00:34:03.672 align:middle line:84%
Saveon was always
crazy about me.

00:34:03.672 --> 00:34:07.220 align:middle line:84%
When I was just her
friend, Sandor--

00:34:07.220 --> 00:34:09.179 align:middle line:90%
he and I were tight.

00:34:09.179 --> 00:34:13.449 align:middle line:84%
But once the relationship
changed, and the children

00:34:13.449 --> 00:34:15.630 align:middle line:84%
realized that I moved
into the home, then

00:34:15.630 --> 00:34:17.500 align:middle line:90%
all hell broke lose.

00:34:17.500 --> 00:34:20.830 align:middle line:90%
Then it\'s I want my father.

00:34:20.830 --> 00:34:23.330 align:middle line:84%
If I can\'t have my way, I\'m
going to call my father.

00:34:23.330 --> 00:34:23.949 align:middle line:90%
But we handled it.

00:34:23.949 --> 00:34:26.530 align:middle line:90%
But Sandor used to cry a lot.

00:34:26.530 --> 00:34:27.590 align:middle line:84%
When are you going to
get back with daddy?

00:34:27.590 --> 00:34:28.810 align:middle line:90%
He used to cry a lot.

00:34:28.810 --> 00:34:31.320 align:middle line:84%
So I used to sit down and talk
with him a lot down here about

00:34:31.320 --> 00:34:34.489 align:middle line:84%
that and tell him, even if your
mother was not a lesbian,

00:34:34.489 --> 00:34:36.100 align:middle line:84%
she would not be with
your father.

00:34:36.100 --> 00:34:41.090 align:middle line:90%

00:34:41.090 --> 00:34:44.270 align:middle line:84%
It was hard, because I was going
through a lot of guilt.

00:34:44.270 --> 00:34:45.900 align:middle line:90%
Dad was gone.

00:34:45.900 --> 00:34:48.360 align:middle line:90%
And I was dealing with women.

00:34:48.360 --> 00:34:49.650 align:middle line:90%
So I had a lot of guilt.

00:34:49.650 --> 00:34:50.840 align:middle line:90%
So I had become a \"yes\" mom.

00:34:50.840 --> 00:34:51.900 align:middle line:90%
Everything was yes.

00:34:51.900 --> 00:34:54.400 align:middle line:84%
And they were basically
running things.

00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:57.410 align:middle line:84%
But I guess God works
in mysterious ways.

00:34:57.410 --> 00:35:03.730 align:middle line:84%
It was just Pat coming into my
life that made me really want

00:35:03.730 --> 00:35:06.536 align:middle line:90%
to do something about it.

00:35:06.536 --> 00:35:07.512 align:middle line:90%
There\'s burgers in here.

00:35:07.512 --> 00:35:09.470 align:middle line:84%
What happened to the
baseball game?

00:35:09.470 --> 00:35:12.160 align:middle line:84%
Oh, I ain\'t having
a baseball game.

00:35:12.160 --> 00:35:14.200 align:middle line:90%
Sandor, where\'s your helmet?

00:35:14.200 --> 00:35:14.980 align:middle line:90%
Get off the bike.

00:35:14.980 --> 00:35:16.100 align:middle line:90%
Get off the bike.

00:35:16.100 --> 00:35:19.110 align:middle line:84%
Sandor, out of the driveway
or over there.

00:35:19.110 --> 00:35:20.090 align:middle line:90%
No helmet, no bike.

00:35:20.090 --> 00:35:20.982 align:middle line:90%
You know the rules.

00:35:20.982 --> 00:35:21.428 align:middle line:90%
Make a choice.

00:35:21.428 --> 00:35:22.320 align:middle line:90%
No, no.

00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:24.430 align:middle line:84%
From the time I was young, I
always said I would have two

00:35:24.430 --> 00:35:28.026 align:middle line:84%
children, four years apart,
preferably a boy and

00:35:28.026 --> 00:35:30.010 align:middle line:90%
a girl, a boy first.

00:35:30.010 --> 00:35:33.840 align:middle line:84%
And even though I\'ve been a
lesbian all my life and knew I

00:35:33.840 --> 00:35:36.440 align:middle line:84%
always loved women, I always
said I would have children.

00:35:36.440 --> 00:35:38.940 align:middle line:84%
I always said I would
do it naturally.

00:35:38.940 --> 00:35:42.640 align:middle line:84%
And so when I was 21 and
I was stationed in

00:35:42.640 --> 00:35:44.200 align:middle line:90%
Germany, I was ready.

00:35:44.200 --> 00:35:45.910 align:middle line:84%
And I was real good friends
with a guy.

00:35:45.910 --> 00:35:49.570 align:middle line:84%
And we got to know each other,
and I wanted a baby.

00:35:49.570 --> 00:35:50.900 align:middle line:90%
He wanted sex.

00:35:50.900 --> 00:35:51.690 align:middle line:90%
OK?

00:35:51.690 --> 00:35:52.530 align:middle line:90%
I was a virgin.

00:35:52.530 --> 00:35:53.972 align:middle line:90%
He was happy.

00:35:53.972 --> 00:35:56.740 align:middle line:90%
And I did it.

00:35:56.740 --> 00:35:57.720 align:middle line:90%
Sex wasn\'t anything.

00:35:57.720 --> 00:35:59.360 align:middle line:84%
Bells and things
didn\'t go off.

00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:01.190 align:middle line:84%
I knew it wasn\'t something
that I really wanted.

00:36:01.190 --> 00:36:04.710 align:middle line:90%
But I got my son.

00:36:04.710 --> 00:36:05.645 align:middle line:90%
Happy Birthday, Booger.

00:36:05.645 --> 00:36:06.776 align:middle line:90%
--at the Party.

00:36:06.776 --> 00:36:08.080 align:middle line:90%
All right.

00:36:08.080 --> 00:36:09.703 align:middle line:84%
You\'ve got to open your
stuff before I leave.

00:36:09.703 --> 00:36:11.035 align:middle line:90%
Oh, be careful.

00:36:11.035 --> 00:36:13.030 align:middle line:84%
And then, four years later,
I did the same thing.

00:36:13.030 --> 00:36:14.840 align:middle line:84%
I was ready to have
another one.

00:36:14.840 --> 00:36:18.200 align:middle line:90%
And that\'s how I got mine.

00:36:18.200 --> 00:36:20.190 align:middle line:84%
You want to know how
much it cost?

00:36:20.190 --> 00:36:21.630 align:middle line:90%
What, all the dollars?

00:36:21.630 --> 00:36:22.590 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHING]

00:36:22.590 --> 00:36:23.820 align:middle line:84%
You got it from the
Dollar Store?

00:36:23.820 --> 00:36:26.490 align:middle line:90%
No, it cost me exactly $0.27.

00:36:26.490 --> 00:36:27.310 align:middle line:90%
She got it from [INAUDIBLE]

00:36:27.310 --> 00:36:28.990 align:middle line:90%
That\'s with tax.

00:36:28.990 --> 00:36:31.930 align:middle line:90%
She said, with tax.

00:36:31.930 --> 00:36:36.830 align:middle line:84%
When Ivan was about five, and I
used to buy females flowers

00:36:36.830 --> 00:36:37.110 align:middle line:90%
or something.

00:36:37.110 --> 00:36:40.170 align:middle line:84%
He would say, what, are you
in love or something?

00:36:40.170 --> 00:36:43.220 align:middle line:84%
My kids were basically
born and raised

00:36:43.220 --> 00:36:45.192 align:middle line:90%
knowing that I was gay.

00:36:45.192 --> 00:36:46.905 align:middle line:84%
So I don\'t have to
explain anything.

00:36:46.905 --> 00:36:51.080 align:middle line:90%

00:36:51.080 --> 00:36:52.250 align:middle line:90%
Mommy.

00:36:52.250 --> 00:36:52.590 align:middle line:90%
San--

00:36:52.590 --> 00:36:54.700 align:middle line:90%
What are you doing?

00:36:54.700 --> 00:36:56.082 align:middle line:90%
Hurting.

00:36:56.082 --> 00:36:57.690 align:middle line:90%
Your back?

00:36:57.690 --> 00:37:00.410 align:middle line:90%
All this bending over.

00:37:00.410 --> 00:37:01.660 align:middle line:90%
Sandor.

00:37:01.660 --> 00:37:04.415 align:middle line:90%

00:37:04.415 --> 00:37:05.995 align:middle line:90%
[? Cotton ?] can\'t make it.

00:37:05.995 --> 00:37:07.855 align:middle line:84%
If you make it for
me, you get $5.

00:37:07.855 --> 00:37:09.250 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:37:09.250 --> 00:37:10.240 align:middle line:90%
Sandor.

00:37:10.240 --> 00:37:10.640 align:middle line:90%
Yes?

00:37:10.640 --> 00:37:15.618 align:middle line:84%
What do you think about
mommy being a lesbian?

00:37:15.618 --> 00:37:16.111 align:middle line:90%
I don\'t know.

00:37:16.111 --> 00:37:19.070 align:middle line:90%
I feel good about it.

00:37:19.070 --> 00:37:20.450 align:middle line:90%
More?

00:37:20.450 --> 00:37:21.090 align:middle line:90%
Huh?

00:37:21.090 --> 00:37:22.725 align:middle line:84%
What do you think
more about it?

00:37:22.725 --> 00:37:26.278 align:middle line:90%

00:37:26.278 --> 00:37:27.670 align:middle line:90%
Yeah she\'s OK.

00:37:27.670 --> 00:37:28.710 align:middle line:90%
She loves to do it.

00:37:28.710 --> 00:37:31.060 align:middle line:90%
She can do it.

00:37:31.060 --> 00:37:33.260 align:middle line:90%
Are you happy?

00:37:33.260 --> 00:37:35.490 align:middle line:90%
Do you love Aunt Pat?

00:37:35.490 --> 00:37:36.740 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:37:36.740 --> 00:37:38.976 align:middle line:90%

00:37:38.976 --> 00:37:39.972 align:middle line:90%
Pass it to me, man.

00:37:39.972 --> 00:37:44.320 align:middle line:84%
What do you think about mommy
sleeping with Aunt Pat?

00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:47.230 align:middle line:90%

00:37:47.230 --> 00:37:49.166 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:37:49.166 --> 00:37:50.530 align:middle line:84%
Hand me that ball
for a second.

00:37:50.530 --> 00:37:51.120 align:middle line:90%
Yeah, Sander.

00:37:51.120 --> 00:37:52.402 align:middle line:90%
You didn\'t answer me.

00:37:52.402 --> 00:37:53.306 align:middle line:90%
I said OK.

00:37:53.306 --> 00:37:53.758 align:middle line:90%
Let me see that.

00:37:53.758 --> 00:37:55.566 align:middle line:90%
Oh.

00:37:55.566 --> 00:37:58.020 align:middle line:84%
Do you know any kid that really
wants to sit and talk

00:37:58.020 --> 00:37:59.490 align:middle line:90%
about their parents business?

00:37:59.490 --> 00:38:01.240 align:middle line:90%
Sandor\'s a teenager.

00:38:01.240 --> 00:38:03.460 align:middle line:84%
No teenager wants anything
associated with

00:38:03.460 --> 00:38:04.650 align:middle line:90%
them that\'s not cool.

00:38:04.650 --> 00:38:04.770 align:middle line:90%
Or not down.

00:38:04.770 --> 00:38:06.010 align:middle line:90%
And then personalities.

00:38:06.010 --> 00:38:06.350 align:middle line:90%
And then the personalities.

00:38:06.350 --> 00:38:06.670 align:middle line:90%
They\'re different people.

00:38:06.670 --> 00:38:07.630 align:middle line:90%
Sandor--

00:38:07.630 --> 00:38:08.820 align:middle line:90%
They\'re two separate people.

00:38:08.820 --> 00:38:09.620 align:middle line:90%
--he\'s an introvert.

00:38:09.620 --> 00:38:10.660 align:middle line:90%
He doesn\'t talk.

00:38:10.660 --> 00:38:14.030 align:middle line:84%
I had him in therapy for a year
after his father and I

00:38:14.030 --> 00:38:17.370 align:middle line:84%
separated, because he wouldn\'t
talk to me about anything that

00:38:17.370 --> 00:38:18.160 align:middle line:90%
was bothering him.

00:38:18.160 --> 00:38:19.602 align:middle line:90%
And I knew it bothered him.

00:38:19.602 --> 00:38:27.490 align:middle line:90%

00:38:27.490 --> 00:38:31.850 align:middle line:84%
To me, no child is going to
accept their mother as a

00:38:31.850 --> 00:38:35.280 align:middle line:90%
lesbian, no child.

00:38:35.280 --> 00:38:37.500 align:middle line:84%
Because of the society that
we\'re brought up in.

00:38:37.500 --> 00:38:41.330 align:middle line:90%

00:38:41.330 --> 00:38:42.800 align:middle line:90%
Do you wish that would change?

00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:44.425 align:middle line:84%
Do you wish people would
be more accepting?

00:38:44.425 --> 00:38:47.590 align:middle line:90%

00:38:47.590 --> 00:38:48.840 align:middle line:90%
Let me see.

00:38:48.840 --> 00:38:51.820 align:middle line:90%

00:38:51.820 --> 00:38:53.070 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:38:53.070 --> 00:38:55.160 align:middle line:90%

00:38:55.160 --> 00:38:58.226 align:middle line:84%
Because that\'s not the way
this culture is made.

00:38:58.226 --> 00:39:00.830 align:middle line:90%

00:39:00.830 --> 00:39:03.730 align:middle line:84%
They\'re my babies, you
know what I mean?

00:39:03.730 --> 00:39:08.250 align:middle line:84%
If you allow them to stray, then
they\'ll fall victim to

00:39:08.250 --> 00:39:08.870 align:middle line:90%
the environment.

00:39:08.870 --> 00:39:10.550 align:middle line:90%
You know what I mean?

00:39:10.550 --> 00:39:14.990 align:middle line:84%
They don\'t have no one to keep
them focused as to who they

00:39:14.990 --> 00:39:19.675 align:middle line:84%
are and to keep it better in
their mind they\'re male men

00:39:19.675 --> 00:39:23.410 align:middle line:84%
[? and ?] that male who
wants to be cross

00:39:23.410 --> 00:39:25.540 align:middle line:90%
dressers or gay men.

00:39:25.540 --> 00:39:27.590 align:middle line:90%
You know what I mean?

00:39:27.590 --> 00:39:29.500 align:middle line:84%
So I have to look
out for them.

00:39:29.500 --> 00:39:33.540 align:middle line:90%
It\'s like a bird in the nest.

00:39:33.540 --> 00:39:35.470 align:middle line:84%
You\'ve got to teach them how
to flap their wings.

00:39:35.470 --> 00:39:37.755 align:middle line:84%
Because after a while, they\'re
going to fly way.

00:39:37.755 --> 00:39:39.990 align:middle line:84%
I want to make sure that when
they fly, they fly right.

00:39:39.990 --> 00:39:45.666 align:middle line:90%

00:39:45.666 --> 00:39:47.560 align:middle line:90%
(WHISPERING) Daddy.

00:39:47.560 --> 00:39:50.120 align:middle line:84%
Do you worry about him saying
homophobic stuff in

00:39:50.120 --> 00:39:51.603 align:middle line:90%
front of the boys?

00:39:51.603 --> 00:39:52.510 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:39:52.510 --> 00:39:53.760 align:middle line:90%
I did in the beginning.

00:39:53.760 --> 00:39:56.580 align:middle line:90%

00:39:56.580 --> 00:39:58.920 align:middle line:84%
And I asked him if he
was doing that.

00:39:58.920 --> 00:40:00.890 align:middle line:84%
And he said he didn\'t
and he wouldn\'t.

00:40:00.890 --> 00:40:03.310 align:middle line:84%
And I said, whatever you
believe is fine.

00:40:03.310 --> 00:40:04.700 align:middle line:90%
I have no problem with that.

00:40:04.700 --> 00:40:07.650 align:middle line:84%
But do not do that
to the children.

00:40:07.650 --> 00:40:09.330 align:middle line:90%
We don\'t down him to them.

00:40:09.330 --> 00:40:10.200 align:middle line:90%
We\'d never do that.

00:40:10.200 --> 00:40:11.630 align:middle line:90%
He did that for you.

00:40:11.630 --> 00:40:12.030 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:40:12.030 --> 00:40:12.502 align:middle line:90%
He doesn\'t do that.

00:40:12.502 --> 00:40:13.446 align:middle line:90%
He did that for the camera.

00:40:13.446 --> 00:40:16.278 align:middle line:90%
Oh, you [INAUDIBLE]

00:40:16.278 --> 00:40:17.920 align:middle line:90%
I think about [INAUDIBLE]

00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:18.372 align:middle line:90%
child.

00:40:18.372 --> 00:40:19.276 align:middle line:90%
Mama?

00:40:19.276 --> 00:40:23.090 align:middle line:84%
Can I ride to Old Grove
Park with [? papi? ?]

00:40:23.090 --> 00:40:24.090 align:middle line:90%
Huh, mom?

00:40:24.090 --> 00:40:24.940 align:middle line:90%
Can I?

00:40:24.940 --> 00:40:25.810 align:middle line:90%
You want to go, go on.

00:40:25.810 --> 00:40:27.330 align:middle line:90%
And you won\'t do that?

00:40:27.330 --> 00:40:28.830 align:middle line:90%
What?

00:40:28.830 --> 00:40:31.935 align:middle line:84%
Me being a lesbian is the
least of their worries.

00:40:31.935 --> 00:40:32.190 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:40:32.190 --> 00:40:32.990 align:middle line:90%
It really is.

00:40:32.990 --> 00:40:34.460 align:middle line:84%
I don\'t think that\'s
a problem.

00:40:34.460 --> 00:40:38.210 align:middle line:84%
Them just growing up and getting
through school, that\'s

00:40:38.210 --> 00:40:39.420 align:middle line:90%
the biggest problem now.

00:40:39.420 --> 00:40:42.550 align:middle line:84%
Going through adolescence and
puberty and all that, I think

00:40:42.550 --> 00:40:44.190 align:middle line:84%
that\'s what we have
to worry about.

00:40:44.190 --> 00:40:47.040 align:middle line:84%
But see, I don\'t know, I guess
if kids wouldn\'t come here and

00:40:47.040 --> 00:40:49.310 align:middle line:84%
kids wouldn\'t play with them and
all that kind of stuff, I

00:40:49.310 --> 00:40:50.530 align:middle line:90%
guess it would be harder.

00:40:50.530 --> 00:40:51.661 align:middle line:90%
Woo!

00:40:51.661 --> 00:40:53.020 align:middle line:90%
Kids are just always here.

00:40:53.020 --> 00:40:54.380 align:middle line:90%
They\'re just always, always--

00:40:54.380 --> 00:40:57.270 align:middle line:84%
We had a neighborhood kids--
it\'s like go home and drink

00:40:57.270 --> 00:40:58.080 align:middle line:90%
your own water.

00:40:58.080 --> 00:40:59.860 align:middle line:90%
Like the old lady in the shoe.

00:40:59.860 --> 00:41:00.890 align:middle line:90%
Mm-hmm.

00:41:00.890 --> 00:41:03.360 align:middle line:84%
Children are just always
here, always have been.

00:41:03.360 --> 00:41:05.140 align:middle line:90%
But you ain\'t having no car!

00:41:05.140 --> 00:41:06.475 align:middle line:90%
I wanna--

00:41:06.475 --> 00:41:08.480 align:middle line:90%
He\'s in another world.

00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:10.340 align:middle line:84%
[INAUDIBLE] couple of
your [INAUDIBLE]

00:41:10.340 --> 00:41:12.440 align:middle line:84%
Are you out about your
mom at school?

00:41:12.440 --> 00:41:13.830 align:middle line:90%
No one in my school knows.

00:41:13.830 --> 00:41:18.450 align:middle line:84%
Because I feel as if it\'s no
one\'s business to know my

00:41:18.450 --> 00:41:19.700 align:middle line:90%
personal business.

00:41:19.700 --> 00:41:22.440 align:middle line:90%

00:41:22.440 --> 00:41:28.612 align:middle line:84%
So you don\'t tell people but
you\'re doing this interview.

00:41:28.612 --> 00:41:31.250 align:middle line:84%
Well, if people find
out, they find out.

00:41:31.250 --> 00:41:34.290 align:middle line:84%
It might be an easier
way for people to

00:41:34.290 --> 00:41:38.000 align:middle line:90%
know, that\'s for sure.

00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:40.550 align:middle line:84%
And you don\'t worry about
how people might react?

00:41:40.550 --> 00:41:41.800 align:middle line:90%
I don\'t care.

00:41:41.800 --> 00:41:44.890 align:middle line:90%

00:41:44.890 --> 00:41:53.192 align:middle line:90%
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]

00:41:53.192 --> 00:41:55.260 align:middle line:84%
In today\'s affirmation,
I want you to think

00:41:55.260 --> 00:41:56.850 align:middle line:90%
about God as provider.

00:41:56.850 --> 00:42:04.182 align:middle line:84%
Practice And to affirm the
providing God, we start with

00:42:04.182 --> 00:42:06.320 align:middle line:90%
our sexuality.

00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:08.083 align:middle line:84%
Because that\'s a place
where many of us

00:42:08.083 --> 00:42:09.630 align:middle line:90%
have experience hurtful--

00:42:09.630 --> 00:42:12.190 align:middle line:84%
For a moment, think about
whether you consider yourself

00:42:12.190 --> 00:42:18.290 align:middle line:84%
lesbian, gay male, bisexual,
transsexual, heterosexual.

00:42:18.290 --> 00:42:20.720 align:middle line:84%
Know that God loves you just
the way that you are.

00:42:20.720 --> 00:42:27.530 align:middle line:84%
The way that you choose to love
is a reflection of God.

00:42:27.530 --> 00:42:30.860 align:middle line:84%
LIT is not a per se, quote
unquote, \"gay church,\" even

00:42:30.860 --> 00:42:34.515 align:middle line:84%
though most of us are gay
and basically lesbian.

00:42:34.515 --> 00:42:36.320 align:middle line:84%
We still have a bunch
of heterosexuals.

00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:37.300 align:middle line:90%
People\'s mothers come.

00:42:37.300 --> 00:42:39.290 align:middle line:90%
Children come.

00:42:39.290 --> 00:42:40.820 align:middle line:84%
It\'s just a great place
to go and congregate.

00:42:40.820 --> 00:42:45.492 align:middle line:90%
[GOSPEL SINGING]

00:42:45.492 --> 00:42:49.320 align:middle line:84%
(PREACHING) I just want to
thank you, Lord God.

00:42:49.320 --> 00:42:51.060 align:middle line:84%
Most of the time, kids
don\'t like church--

00:42:51.060 --> 00:42:53.010 align:middle line:84%
sitting in church, and
you have to be quiet.

00:42:53.010 --> 00:42:55.450 align:middle line:84%
And you have to sit still,
and you can\'t play.

00:42:55.450 --> 00:42:57.852 align:middle line:84%
Well, kids don\'t really,
really like it.

00:42:57.852 --> 00:43:00.110 align:middle line:84%
The deal is, the boys
go twice a month.

00:43:00.110 --> 00:43:01.730 align:middle line:84%
And Sweet Pea goes
once a month.

00:43:01.730 --> 00:43:05.570 align:middle line:84%
And it\'s nice to go someplace
and see people

00:43:05.570 --> 00:43:06.820 align:middle line:90%
that are like you.

00:43:06.820 --> 00:43:42.170 align:middle line:90%
[GOSPEL SINGING]

00:43:42.170 --> 00:43:42.880 align:middle line:90%
All right.

00:43:42.880 --> 00:43:44.525 align:middle line:84%
So neither of you are
going to be her for

00:43:44.525 --> 00:43:45.667 align:middle line:90%
your mother\'s birthday.

00:43:45.667 --> 00:43:47.010 align:middle line:90%
That\'s right, Mom.

00:43:47.010 --> 00:43:47.860 align:middle line:90%
Very nice.

00:43:47.860 --> 00:43:49.999 align:middle line:90%
Nice planning.

00:43:49.999 --> 00:43:50.905 align:middle line:90%
It\'s all right.

00:43:50.905 --> 00:43:52.080 align:middle line:90%
It\'s not a big birthday.

00:43:52.080 --> 00:43:55.169 align:middle line:90%
You only turn 32 once.

00:43:55.169 --> 00:43:56.035 align:middle line:90%
You\'re turning 32?

00:43:56.035 --> 00:43:56.770 align:middle line:90%
I know they love me.

00:43:56.770 --> 00:43:58.630 align:middle line:84%
I\'m turning 30, no
actually 33.

00:43:58.630 --> 00:44:01.890 align:middle line:90%
Add 10, right?

00:44:01.890 --> 00:44:02.900 align:middle line:90%
Or whatever.

00:44:02.900 --> 00:44:04.960 align:middle line:84%
So many people have no
conception of what a

00:44:04.960 --> 00:44:06.950 align:middle line:90%
lesbian family is.

00:44:06.950 --> 00:44:08.960 align:middle line:84%
And people are always like,
so what was that

00:44:08.960 --> 00:44:10.380 align:middle line:90%
like, having two mothers?

00:44:10.380 --> 00:44:12.310 align:middle line:84%
And I\'m always like, well, I
don\'t really have much to

00:44:12.310 --> 00:44:13.650 align:middle line:90%
compare it to.

00:44:13.650 --> 00:44:14.810 align:middle line:90%
So what\'s the verdict?

00:44:14.810 --> 00:44:17.054 align:middle line:84%
Are we doing a vacation
together?

00:44:17.054 --> 00:44:17.548 align:middle line:90%
Mm-hmm.

00:44:17.548 --> 00:44:19.524 align:middle line:90%
In Ptown again?

00:44:19.524 --> 00:44:20.753 align:middle line:84%
Do you want to go
somewhere else.

00:44:20.753 --> 00:44:21.620 align:middle line:90%
Where do you want to go?

00:44:21.620 --> 00:44:24.480 align:middle line:84%
Everybody tells me that we\'re
going to need a dad.

00:44:24.480 --> 00:44:26.550 align:middle line:84%
And dad\'s are good
for some things.

00:44:26.550 --> 00:44:31.460 align:middle line:84%
But the function that your dad
fills in your life, my parents

00:44:31.460 --> 00:44:32.710 align:middle line:90%
have covered.

00:44:32.710 --> 00:44:38.150 align:middle line:90%

00:44:38.150 --> 00:44:41.870 align:middle line:84%
I always describe my parents as
Romeo and Juliet, but Julia

00:44:41.870 --> 00:44:42.770 align:middle line:90%
and Juliet.

00:44:42.770 --> 00:44:45.800 align:middle line:84%
Because they met, and
it\'s like, boom!

00:44:45.800 --> 00:44:47.280 align:middle line:90%
They fell in love.

00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:49.420 align:middle line:90%
It\'s perfect.

00:44:49.420 --> 00:44:52.550 align:middle line:84%
Coming out was such a wonderful
thing in every way.

00:44:52.550 --> 00:44:55.320 align:middle line:84%
But there was this one negative
aspect to it, which

00:44:55.320 --> 00:44:59.440 align:middle line:84%
was being a lesbian meant that
you didn\'t have a family.

00:44:59.440 --> 00:45:01.500 align:middle line:90%
You couldn\'t have children.

00:45:01.500 --> 00:45:05.110 align:middle line:84%
And then we heard, through
friends, that some woman--

00:45:05.110 --> 00:45:07.040 align:middle line:84%
a lesbian, who had used
artificial insemination--

00:45:07.040 --> 00:45:07.710 align:middle line:90%
had a baby.

00:45:07.710 --> 00:45:08.890 align:middle line:90%
And it was like, what?

00:45:08.890 --> 00:45:11.400 align:middle line:84%
And it was almost like this
mythic person who had done

00:45:11.400 --> 00:45:13.190 align:middle line:90%
this amazing thing.

00:45:13.190 --> 00:45:16.170 align:middle line:84%
We started with me,
because of my age.

00:45:16.170 --> 00:45:17.160 align:middle line:90%
And I was lucky.

00:45:17.160 --> 00:45:20.270 align:middle line:90%
I got pregnant the first try.

00:45:20.270 --> 00:45:23.630 align:middle line:84%
And then nine months later, we
had this wonderful baby.

00:45:23.630 --> 00:45:25.240 align:middle line:90%
And it was bliss.

00:45:25.240 --> 00:45:27.390 align:middle line:90%
We sound like idiots, but--

00:45:27.390 --> 00:45:28.255 align:middle line:90%
We really had fun.

00:45:28.255 --> 00:45:30.200 align:middle line:90%
It was just magic.

00:45:30.200 --> 00:45:32.350 align:middle line:90%
She was this delicious baby.

00:45:32.350 --> 00:45:36.315 align:middle line:84%
And we said, all right,
let\'s do it again.

00:45:36.315 --> 00:45:38.470 align:middle line:90%
So you ready for this, honey?

00:45:38.470 --> 00:45:39.240 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:45:39.240 --> 00:45:40.810 align:middle line:90%
Ready for what?

00:45:40.810 --> 00:45:42.190 align:middle line:90%
Your graduation.

00:45:42.190 --> 00:45:45.410 align:middle line:90%
Come on.

00:45:45.410 --> 00:45:48.490 align:middle line:84%
I\'ve been totally fine about
the whole thing.

00:45:48.490 --> 00:45:49.150 align:middle line:90%
And then I---

00:45:49.150 --> 00:45:50.215 align:middle line:90%
Why would you not be fine?

00:45:50.215 --> 00:45:52.200 align:middle line:84%
Because my youngest child
is now graduating.

00:45:52.200 --> 00:45:53.700 align:middle line:90%
It\'s a big milestone.

00:45:53.700 --> 00:45:57.930 align:middle line:84%
And then I walk into work this
morning, and the first person

00:45:57.930 --> 00:46:01.881 align:middle line:84%
I was, I said, my youngest child
is graduating from high

00:46:01.881 --> 00:46:02.823 align:middle line:90%
school today.

00:46:02.823 --> 00:46:03.765 align:middle line:90%
How are you?

00:46:03.765 --> 00:46:05.178 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHING]

00:46:05.178 --> 00:46:08.011 align:middle line:90%
I blurted it out.

00:46:08.011 --> 00:46:10.120 align:middle line:90%
And then it kind of hit me.

00:46:10.120 --> 00:46:11.210 align:middle line:90%
What hit you?

00:46:11.210 --> 00:46:16.585 align:middle line:84%
That it may be something
to deal with.

00:46:16.585 --> 00:46:20.770 align:middle line:84%
Since the kids are born,
people would say,

00:46:20.770 --> 00:46:24.040 align:middle line:90%
oh, who\'s is she?

00:46:24.040 --> 00:46:26.230 align:middle line:84%
And we would say,
both of ours.

00:46:26.230 --> 00:46:27.990 align:middle line:84%
And they\'d say, no, really,
I mean really,

00:46:27.990 --> 00:46:29.220 align:middle line:90%
which one is the mother?

00:46:29.220 --> 00:46:31.360 align:middle line:90%
And we\'d say, we both are.

00:46:31.360 --> 00:46:33.990 align:middle line:84%
And they go, I mean, who\'s
the real mother?

00:46:33.990 --> 00:46:35.810 align:middle line:90%
We both are.

00:46:35.810 --> 00:46:39.760 align:middle line:84%
And we made it an absolute
family policy not to answer

00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:41.010 align:middle line:90%
that question.

00:46:41.010 --> 00:46:52.080 align:middle line:90%

00:46:52.080 --> 00:46:55.560 align:middle line:84%
I\'ve always had to explain to
people, because people just

00:46:55.560 --> 00:46:59.070 align:middle line:84%
don\'t get it that
I have two moms.

00:46:59.070 --> 00:47:01.750 align:middle line:90%
And I don\'t have a dad.

00:47:01.750 --> 00:47:04.610 align:middle line:84%
And I know who my
sperm donor was.

00:47:04.610 --> 00:47:05.880 align:middle line:90%
But he\'s not like a dad.

00:47:05.880 --> 00:47:09.990 align:middle line:84%
He\'s just more like
a family friend.

00:47:09.990 --> 00:47:14.010 align:middle line:84%
I knew him as the man
who helped make me.

00:47:14.010 --> 00:47:17.550 align:middle line:84%
The whole notion was that
these were sperm donors.

00:47:17.550 --> 00:47:21.660 align:middle line:84%
And our family was the two
of us with the kids.

00:47:21.660 --> 00:47:24.390 align:middle line:84%
And while we wanted known donors
so the kids would,

00:47:24.390 --> 00:47:27.780 align:middle line:84%
later on in life, if they had
questions, they could ask.

00:47:27.780 --> 00:47:29.370 align:middle line:84%
And we could tell them
who the person was.

00:47:29.370 --> 00:47:31.125 align:middle line:84%
And if they wanted to meet
them, they could,

00:47:31.125 --> 00:47:32.810 align:middle line:90%
that kind of thing.

00:47:32.810 --> 00:47:36.320 align:middle line:84%
We certainly didn\'t want
these men in our lives.

00:47:36.320 --> 00:47:37.770 align:middle line:84%
Certainly not in our
daily lives.

00:47:37.770 --> 00:47:39.190 align:middle line:90%
You didn\'t want dads.

00:47:39.190 --> 00:47:40.420 align:middle line:90%
No, absolutely not dads.

00:47:40.420 --> 00:47:42.250 align:middle line:84%
It was mom and mom
and the kids.

00:47:42.250 --> 00:47:43.570 align:middle line:90%
That was always the idea.

00:47:43.570 --> 00:47:45.800 align:middle line:84%
And that was, in reality,
always the way it was.

00:47:45.800 --> 00:47:50.291 align:middle line:90%

00:47:50.291 --> 00:47:52.287 align:middle line:90%
Ry and Turner, come on!

00:47:52.287 --> 00:47:56.200 align:middle line:84%
Come on, we have to be out
of here in an hour.

00:47:56.200 --> 00:47:57.650 align:middle line:90%
I\'m going to go shower.

00:47:57.650 --> 00:47:58.070 align:middle line:90%
OK?

00:47:58.070 --> 00:47:59.590 align:middle line:90%
I think it\'s better to take--

00:47:59.590 --> 00:48:04.380 align:middle line:84%
Turner\'s first semi boyfriend
type of guy I\'ve ever had.

00:48:04.380 --> 00:48:06.760 align:middle line:84%
He doesn\'t know any other
lesbian households or gay

00:48:06.760 --> 00:48:07.560 align:middle line:90%
households.

00:48:07.560 --> 00:48:10.110 align:middle line:90%
But he\' was like, wow, cool.

00:48:10.110 --> 00:48:12.710 align:middle line:84%
Turner, do you have things
to wear tonight?

00:48:12.710 --> 00:48:13.380 align:middle line:90%
I\'m dressing him.

00:48:13.380 --> 00:48:14.030 align:middle line:90%
Of course, he doesn\'t.

00:48:14.030 --> 00:48:15.076 align:middle line:90%
You are?

00:48:15.076 --> 00:48:15.442 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:48:15.442 --> 00:48:16.990 align:middle line:90%
I\'m making sure he looks OK.

00:48:16.990 --> 00:48:20.552 align:middle line:90%

00:48:20.552 --> 00:48:22.810 align:middle line:84%
Cade, I notice your jewelry
is getting heavier

00:48:22.810 --> 00:48:26.025 align:middle line:90%
and heavier, hon.

00:48:26.025 --> 00:48:27.444 align:middle line:90%
It\'s a look.

00:48:27.444 --> 00:48:29.166 align:middle line:84%
Did you get that at
a jewelry store?

00:48:29.166 --> 00:48:29.530 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:48:29.530 --> 00:48:31.678 align:middle line:90%
What\'s a mother to do?

00:48:31.678 --> 00:48:32.642 align:middle line:90%
Tiffany\'s.

00:48:32.642 --> 00:48:33.892 align:middle line:90%
(QUIETLY) Tiffany\'s.

00:48:33.892 --> 00:48:36.980 align:middle line:90%

00:48:36.980 --> 00:48:40.310 align:middle line:84%
There was a lot of-- when I was
growing up especially--

00:48:40.310 --> 00:48:42.760 align:middle line:84%
I don\'t want to be considered
a lesbian because my parents

00:48:42.760 --> 00:48:43.760 align:middle line:90%
are lesbian.

00:48:43.760 --> 00:48:45.010 align:middle line:90%
I\'m straight.

00:48:45.010 --> 00:48:47.602 align:middle line:90%

00:48:47.602 --> 00:48:50.605 align:middle line:84%
I\'d tell myself, I was at work
one day, and I was like, all

00:48:50.605 --> 00:48:51.290 align:middle line:90%
right, who am I kidding?

00:48:51.290 --> 00:48:52.540 align:middle line:90%
I\'m a dyke.

00:48:52.540 --> 00:48:56.590 align:middle line:90%

00:48:56.590 --> 00:48:58.890 align:middle line:84%
I was thinking about it the
other day, about how she looks

00:48:58.890 --> 00:48:59.860 align:middle line:90%
and what she wears.

00:48:59.860 --> 00:49:02.980 align:middle line:90%
And it\'s sort of amazing.

00:49:02.980 --> 00:49:03.330 align:middle line:90%
What?

00:49:03.330 --> 00:49:07.610 align:middle line:84%
I\'ve always worn rainbow
freedom rings.

00:49:07.610 --> 00:49:11.900 align:middle line:84%
But I mean, you\'re experience
and what today\'s culture

00:49:11.900 --> 00:49:19.680 align:middle line:84%
allows you to do, because in my
day, it was hidden, dark,

00:49:19.680 --> 00:49:24.930 align:middle line:84%
shameful, just absolutely
forbidden.

00:49:24.930 --> 00:49:29.170 align:middle line:84%
And now you\'re just in
this world where--

00:49:29.170 --> 00:49:30.770 align:middle line:84%
I like wearing my
freedom rings.

00:49:30.770 --> 00:49:36.039 align:middle line:90%

00:49:36.039 --> 00:49:38.070 align:middle line:84%
It makes old fuddy-duddies,
like you, uncomfortable.

00:49:38.070 --> 00:49:40.740 align:middle line:84%
Do you think being in San
Francisco has made you more

00:49:40.740 --> 00:49:46.520 align:middle line:84%
freedom ringy, rainbow,
short haircut?

00:49:46.520 --> 00:49:46.840 align:middle line:90%
Nope.

00:49:46.840 --> 00:49:48.090 align:middle line:90%
Not at all.

00:49:48.090 --> 00:49:50.390 align:middle line:90%

00:49:50.390 --> 00:49:52.980 align:middle line:90%
It\'s just a coincidence?

00:49:52.980 --> 00:49:55.200 align:middle line:84%
I had a short haircut
before I went--

00:49:55.200 --> 00:49:56.460 align:middle line:90%
Not this short.

00:49:56.460 --> 00:49:58.480 align:middle line:90%
No, but I wanted this cut.

00:49:58.480 --> 00:49:58.790 align:middle line:90%
I know.

00:49:58.790 --> 00:50:02.280 align:middle line:84%
But I\'m saying, do you think
some influence of San

00:50:02.280 --> 00:50:05.195 align:middle line:84%
Francisco and the gay culture
there has sort of pushed you

00:50:05.195 --> 00:50:06.445 align:middle line:90%
to the next level?

00:50:06.445 --> 00:50:09.220 align:middle line:90%

00:50:09.220 --> 00:50:11.390 align:middle line:84%
I don\'t think I\'m on a different
level that I was.

00:50:11.390 --> 00:50:16.606 align:middle line:84%
Oh, honestly, a haircut
doesn\'t put me

00:50:16.606 --> 00:50:18.820 align:middle line:90%
on a different level.

00:50:18.820 --> 00:50:21.790 align:middle line:90%
OK.

00:50:21.790 --> 00:50:26.840 align:middle line:84%
She used to be a girl, like a
girl, girl, girl, like, \"girl\"

00:50:26.840 --> 00:50:29.830 align:middle line:90%
with skirts and things.

00:50:29.830 --> 00:50:31.580 align:middle line:90%
And she was like, mm-mm.

00:50:31.580 --> 00:50:34.110 align:middle line:90%
She certainly changed a lot.

00:50:34.110 --> 00:50:36.080 align:middle line:90%
And I don\'t know.

00:50:36.080 --> 00:50:40.270 align:middle line:84%
Some of it\'s hard for us,
I guess, the new look.

00:50:40.270 --> 00:50:44.400 align:middle line:84%
I think when people first come
out, they often do a super--

00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:44.860 align:middle line:90%
--super--

00:50:44.860 --> 00:50:45.905 align:middle line:90%
I\'m a super lesbian.

00:50:45.905 --> 00:50:46.430 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:50:46.430 --> 00:50:47.510 align:middle line:90%
Here\'s my identity.

00:50:47.510 --> 00:50:49.460 align:middle line:90%
(SINGING) Da-da, da-da.

00:50:49.460 --> 00:50:52.890 align:middle line:84%
I feel it\'s really important
to be out.

00:50:52.890 --> 00:50:57.220 align:middle line:84%
I feel it\'s really harmful
to be closeted.

00:50:57.220 --> 00:50:58.810 align:middle line:84%
And I like making people
uncomfortable.

00:50:58.810 --> 00:51:02.210 align:middle line:84%
Because I like watching their
expression change, as they

00:51:02.210 --> 00:51:11.210 align:middle line:84%
realize that I\'m a dyke, to make
people say, she\'s cool

00:51:11.210 --> 00:51:12.185 align:middle line:90%
and she\'s a dyke.

00:51:12.185 --> 00:51:13.610 align:middle line:90%
So I guess being a dyke is OK.

00:51:13.610 --> 00:51:16.290 align:middle line:90%

00:51:16.290 --> 00:51:19.900 align:middle line:84%
When it\'s the four of us, I
feel a little bit like,

00:51:19.900 --> 00:51:22.590 align:middle line:84%
(SINGING) one of these things
is not like the other.

00:51:22.590 --> 00:51:29.420 align:middle line:84%
When my sister starts talking
about some lesbian group or

00:51:29.420 --> 00:51:32.100 align:middle line:84%
something and my parents are
talking about it with her, I

00:51:32.100 --> 00:51:36.980 align:middle line:90%
feel a little bit like, [SIGH]

00:51:36.980 --> 00:51:38.230 align:middle line:84%
Ry, which shoe are
you wearing?

00:51:38.230 --> 00:51:41.975 align:middle line:90%

00:51:41.975 --> 00:51:43.980 align:middle line:90%
Wait, so should I wear this?

00:51:43.980 --> 00:51:44.470 align:middle line:90%
Turner, look.

00:51:44.470 --> 00:51:46.233 align:middle line:90%
No Ry, I\'m telling you, wear--

00:51:46.233 --> 00:51:48.760 align:middle line:90%
Oh, my shoes, which one?

00:51:48.760 --> 00:51:49.870 align:middle line:90%
The heal.

00:51:49.870 --> 00:51:51.010 align:middle line:90%
Turner, which one?

00:51:51.010 --> 00:51:51.690 align:middle line:90%
I really don\'t care.

00:51:51.690 --> 00:51:52.110 align:middle line:90%
I know that\'s--

00:51:52.110 --> 00:51:52.930 align:middle line:84%
I know you don care,
which one?

00:51:52.930 --> 00:51:53.540 align:middle line:90%
I\' not even--

00:51:53.540 --> 00:51:54.130 align:middle line:90%
Mom, what do you think?

00:51:54.130 --> 00:51:58.530 align:middle line:84%
When I first met Turner, there
was a lot of struggle between

00:51:58.530 --> 00:52:04.120 align:middle line:84%
him being a guy and me being a
girl and are we playing roles?

00:52:04.120 --> 00:52:06.920 align:middle line:84%
And I think one of the most
important things about getting

00:52:06.920 --> 00:52:09.960 align:middle line:84%
close with Turner is that I\'ve
come to trust men in a way

00:52:09.960 --> 00:52:12.390 align:middle line:90%
that I didn\'t before.

00:52:12.390 --> 00:52:16.530 align:middle line:84%
The one guy ever really got
close to, in my life, was my--

00:52:16.530 --> 00:52:21.180 align:middle line:90%
or closest to, I guess--

00:52:21.180 --> 00:52:22.310 align:middle line:90%
was my sperm donor.

00:52:22.310 --> 00:52:24.770 align:middle line:84%
And he totally screwed
my family over.

00:52:24.770 --> 00:52:25.545 align:middle line:90%
Ry was nine.

00:52:25.545 --> 00:52:29.260 align:middle line:90%
Cade was 11.

00:52:29.260 --> 00:52:34.573 align:middle line:84%
Ry\'s donor sued for paternity,
declaration of paternity, and

00:52:34.573 --> 00:52:36.340 align:middle line:90%
visitation.

00:52:36.340 --> 00:52:38.860 align:middle line:90%
It\'s such a crazy idea.

00:52:38.860 --> 00:52:40.000 align:middle line:90%
Because I had parents.

00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:40.890 align:middle line:90%
I had two parents.

00:52:40.890 --> 00:52:41.690 align:middle line:90%
I had my mother\'s.

00:52:41.690 --> 00:52:46.050 align:middle line:90%
I didn\'t need another parent.

00:52:46.050 --> 00:52:48.180 align:middle line:84%
We were forced, throughout
that process--

00:52:48.180 --> 00:52:50.470 align:middle line:84%
and it was a four-year,
grueling process--

00:52:50.470 --> 00:52:55.000 align:middle line:84%
we were forced, at every step,
to articulate who we are to

00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:58.630 align:middle line:84%
each other and how we\'re a
family and why we\'re a family

00:52:58.630 --> 00:53:00.980 align:middle line:84%
and what it means
to be family.

00:53:00.980 --> 00:53:02.180 align:middle line:90%
All of us, the kids--

00:53:02.180 --> 00:53:05.160 align:middle line:84%
The kids too, unfortunately,
were ordered by the court to

00:53:05.160 --> 00:53:06.720 align:middle line:90%
see

00:53:06.720 --> 00:53:07.180 align:middle line:90%
--court-appointed shrink.

00:53:07.180 --> 00:53:10.721 align:middle line:84%
-court-appointed
psychiatrists.

00:53:10.721 --> 00:53:12.580 align:middle line:84%
And were asked horrible
questions

00:53:12.580 --> 00:53:13.700 align:middle line:90%
like, who\'s your family?

00:53:13.700 --> 00:53:17.770 align:middle line:84%
And things that everyone else
just takes for granted.

00:53:17.770 --> 00:53:20.460 align:middle line:84%
I remember just sobbing and
sobbing and sobbing and just

00:53:20.460 --> 00:53:21.720 align:middle line:90%
being like, I love my mothers.

00:53:21.720 --> 00:53:22.680 align:middle line:90%
I love my sister.

00:53:22.680 --> 00:53:26.190 align:middle line:84%
And I don\'t want him
to be my father.

00:53:26.190 --> 00:53:28.980 align:middle line:84%
And I had to have everyone
realize that it would be like

00:53:28.980 --> 00:53:33.600 align:middle line:84%
twisting the family into some
horrible, disgusting knot by

00:53:33.600 --> 00:53:35.370 align:middle line:90%
adding him.

00:53:35.370 --> 00:53:40.860 align:middle line:84%
It was a sense of I could say
the wrong thing, and Ry could

00:53:40.860 --> 00:53:43.850 align:middle line:90%
be on a plane to California.

00:53:43.850 --> 00:53:46.990 align:middle line:84%
The kids, they were
so terrified.

00:53:46.990 --> 00:53:48.810 align:middle line:84%
And we tried to protect
them from it.

00:53:48.810 --> 00:53:54.050 align:middle line:84%
But the court kept ordering
them to do things.

00:53:54.050 --> 00:53:56.970 align:middle line:84%
And at one point, I remember
we said to our attorneys,

00:53:56.970 --> 00:53:58.830 align:middle line:84%
we\'re not going to let them go
to see the court-appointed

00:53:58.830 --> 00:53:59.570 align:middle line:90%
shrink anymore.

00:53:59.570 --> 00:54:01.070 align:middle line:90%
It\'s just too harmful to them.

00:54:01.070 --> 00:54:02.470 align:middle line:90%
They\'re too upset by it.

00:54:02.470 --> 00:54:07.170 align:middle line:84%
And they said, you have to,
or you\'re going to lose.

00:54:07.170 --> 00:54:09.400 align:middle line:84%
They knew that there had been
other cases like this.

00:54:09.400 --> 00:54:11.670 align:middle line:90%
And no one had ever won.

00:54:11.670 --> 00:54:13.570 align:middle line:84%
that, in some way, they
didn\'t stand a chance.

00:54:13.570 --> 00:54:17.140 align:middle line:90%

00:54:17.140 --> 00:54:20.980 align:middle line:84%
On an emotional level, I think
both of them have come away

00:54:20.980 --> 00:54:23.415 align:middle line:84%
feeling we didn\'t
protect them.

00:54:23.415 --> 00:54:24.685 align:middle line:90%
You\'re my parents.

00:54:24.685 --> 00:54:27.580 align:middle line:84%
You should\'ve protected me
from this painful stuff.

00:54:27.580 --> 00:54:29.900 align:middle line:90%
And you didn\'t.

00:54:29.900 --> 00:54:31.430 align:middle line:90%
But in the end, we won.

00:54:31.430 --> 00:54:32.040 align:middle line:90%
We won.

00:54:32.040 --> 00:54:34.190 align:middle line:90%
He never was declared dad.

00:54:34.190 --> 00:54:35.290 align:middle line:90%
He never--

00:54:35.290 --> 00:54:36.440 align:middle line:90%
She was never taken from us,--

00:54:36.440 --> 00:54:37.800 align:middle line:90%
She was never taken from us.

00:54:37.800 --> 00:54:39.050 align:middle line:90%
--which is the main thing.

00:54:39.050 --> 00:54:42.360 align:middle line:90%

00:54:42.360 --> 00:54:43.960 align:middle line:90%
I love my parents so much.

00:54:43.960 --> 00:54:47.150 align:middle line:84%
And I have so much respect for
them for going all the way

00:54:47.150 --> 00:54:51.060 align:middle line:84%
with the family that they
wanted, in their hearts and in

00:54:51.060 --> 00:54:51.540 align:middle line:90%
their minds.

00:54:51.540 --> 00:54:56.790 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:54:56.790 --> 00:54:57.772 align:middle line:90%
Ry [? Russoni. ?]

00:54:57.772 --> 00:55:01.350 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:55:01.350 --> 00:55:03.725 align:middle line:84%
I wouldn\'t say that having
lesbian parents is

00:55:03.725 --> 00:55:05.765 align:middle line:90%
an issue in my life.

00:55:05.765 --> 00:55:09.487 align:middle line:84%
But I wonder, will it ever
just be nothing.

00:55:09.487 --> 00:55:13.380 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:55:13.380 --> 00:55:16.330 align:middle line:84%
--where, on a form, it doesn\'t
say, mother-father.

00:55:16.330 --> 00:55:19.742 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:55:19.742 --> 00:55:21.800 align:middle line:84%
And it\'s like, I wait
for that day.

00:55:21.800 --> 00:55:28.027 align:middle line:90%

00:55:28.027 --> 00:56:30.470 align:middle line:90%
[MUSIC PLAYING]

00:56:30.470 --> 00:56:32.920 align:middle line:84%
Major funding for Our House
was provided by the

00:56:32.920 --> 00:56:36.050 align:middle line:84%
Corporation for Public
Broadcasting.

00:56:36.050 --> 00:56:38.330 align:middle line:84%
Additional funding was
provided by the Soros

00:56:38.330 --> 00:56:41.100 align:middle line:84%
Documentary of the Open
Society Institute.

00:56:41.100 --> 00:56:48.852 align:middle line:90%

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