A reflection on the role that media, advertising, and fiction play in…
[M]otherhood
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- Citation
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Having the physical conditions to do so doesn’t always make someone want to be an Olympic athlete, so why should the ability to procreate necessarily compel a woman to become a mother?
[M]otherhood questions the existence of the widely-accepted “maternal instinct,” speaks about regretting motherhood, and explains why motherhood isn’t necessarily an experience that women must have if they want to be truly happy. This documentary brings together several women who have decided to sound off on the subject, and whose reasons knock the concept of contemporary motherhood as an “ideal” off its pedestal.
Citation
Main credits
Peris Mestre, Inès (film director)
Peris Mestre, Inès (screenwriter)
García Andreu, Laura (film director)
García Andreu, Laura (screenwriter)
Requena Madril, Pura (screenwriter)
Other credits
Cinematography, José Luis González Iglesias; editing, Sara Marco Caballero; music, Alberto Lucendo.
Distributor subjects
Family; Women; Iberian Studies; Gender + Sexuality Studies; SociologyKeywords
00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:12.720
Basically, we're going to think about
00:04:12.920 --> 00:04:15.920
the meaning of the concept "mother".
00:04:16.640 --> 00:04:17.880
And on the other hand,
00:04:18.120 --> 00:04:21.600
the meaning of "non-mother":
00:04:21.800 --> 00:04:24.520
a woman who does not wish
to have children.
00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:28.240
Being a mother is your destiny,
or a tradition.
00:04:28.520 --> 00:04:32.840
That destiny might be positive
or something natural,
00:04:33.000 --> 00:04:35.280
something given by God.
00:04:35.440 --> 00:04:39.080
Another person, however,
might also regard it as destiny
00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:41.160
because she's a woman
00:04:41.320 --> 00:04:42.520
and see it as a punishment.
00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:46.440
A woman is biologically
programmed to have kids.
00:04:46.600 --> 00:04:48.040
If you don't,
00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:51.680
you're selfish for not giving
the world what you should.
00:04:51.840 --> 00:04:53.200
You deny it something.
00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:55.040
BRAVE
SELFISH
00:04:55.440 --> 00:04:58.400
How many of you here in class
00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:00.040
agree with this concept
00:05:00.200 --> 00:05:02.160
of selfish for a non-mother?
00:05:02.400 --> 00:05:04.600
Put up your hands, don't be afraid.
00:05:05.080 --> 00:05:06.040
Okay.
00:05:06.200 --> 00:05:08.800
Being a mother means losing
my identity.
00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:11.520
When I'm a mother,
I stop being Marina
00:05:11.760 --> 00:05:15.200
and I become the mother of... Marta.
00:05:16.360 --> 00:05:18.080
Actually, humans exist
00:05:18.280 --> 00:05:20.360
to be born, grow, reproduce, and die.
00:05:20.560 --> 00:05:23.640
We want to perpetuate our species
or at least
00:05:23.880 --> 00:05:27.040
perpetuate our genes,
because when we die
00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:29.560
all that will be left here
are our children
00:05:29.760 --> 00:05:31.720
and the genes we left behind.
00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:36.320
There are women who do not have
that "biological clock".
00:05:36.520 --> 00:05:39.480
I won't have a child
because I have doubts.
00:05:39.680 --> 00:05:44.480
No, I don't feel, physiologically,
that I need to have a child.
00:05:44.640 --> 00:05:49.120
If they don't feel it,
could it be that it doesn't exist?
00:05:52.880 --> 00:05:55.640
There is not a single word
that is "natural".
00:05:55.840 --> 00:05:59.360
We create that meaning
via a convention, a code,
00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:02.280
we have established
as individuals who share
00:06:02.440 --> 00:06:04.880
a culture, a society.
We have decided
00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:08.840
that the word "woman" means "mother".
00:06:09.160 --> 00:06:11.920
And the woman
who does not wish to be a mother,
00:06:12.120 --> 00:06:13.880
has to give a lot of explanations.
00:06:14.040 --> 00:06:17.280
She also has to feel,
sooner or later,
00:06:17.600 --> 00:06:20.800
she's not accepted by the norm,
or has no place in society.
00:06:58.520 --> 00:07:01.600
We don't quite know
why we want to have a child.
00:07:01.760 --> 00:07:07.800
Maybe because
if you don't have children
00:07:07.960 --> 00:07:09.720
you're not a real woman?
00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:15.480
Would it be because we have to
respond to considerable pressure?
00:07:15.640 --> 00:07:20.560
From parents, the environment,
from friends...
00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:26.600
"Oh! You're 35 and you still don't
have kids? Hurry up, hurry up."
00:07:26.760 --> 00:07:34.960
Lord, give me
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some remedy
00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:52.280
for my pain,
00:07:52.440 --> 00:07:59.760
for my sighs.
00:10:09.760 --> 00:10:14.400
Femininity may include motherhood,
but it doesn't complete it.
00:10:14.560 --> 00:10:18.560
It's as if we were to draw a circle
with motherhood inside it,
00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:22.480
but it takes up a small space,
femininity is much larger.
00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:09.160
Why would I have to be
an Olympic champion
00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:10.840
if I didn't want to be one?
00:11:11.160 --> 00:11:14.080
I might have the ability, the talent,
00:11:14.280 --> 00:11:19.080
and if I trained enough from childhood
I could be a marathon runner,
00:11:19.240 --> 00:11:21.800
or an Olympic champion gymnast.
00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:23.360
But maybe I didn't want that.
00:11:23.520 --> 00:11:25.720
The same applies to motherhood.
00:11:25.920 --> 00:11:29.200
I might have a biological capacity
00:11:30.040 --> 00:11:34.200
to give birth, rear children.
I might even be a great mother.
00:11:34.720 --> 00:11:39.560
But if I don't want to do that
in my life, why would I have to?
00:14:36.720 --> 00:14:39.880
I've been a midwife since 1985.
00:14:40.040 --> 00:14:42.280
Almost 33 years now, right?
00:14:43.040 --> 00:14:46.760
My mother got pregnant
when she was 40.
00:14:46.920 --> 00:14:49.840
I was about 15 at the time.
00:14:50.600 --> 00:14:54.440
I said to her, "When you give birth,
I want to be there."
00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:56.600
Anyway, the day came,
00:14:56.760 --> 00:14:59.200
when my brother was born
the midwife said to me:
00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:00.360
"Take care of him,
00:15:00.520 --> 00:15:02.640
give him oxygen,
put him under the lamp."
00:15:02.800 --> 00:15:05.360
It was an experience,
but not just
00:15:05.520 --> 00:15:07.640
of looking on, but taking part.
00:15:07.800 --> 00:15:11.080
And I said, "I definitely have to be
a midwife."
00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:15.320
I feel very fulfilled
in my profession.
00:15:15.480 --> 00:15:18.760
It still continues to move me,
make me nervous
00:15:18.920 --> 00:15:20.680
in certain situations.
00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:23.840
Being with someone in such
a vital process
00:15:25.040 --> 00:15:28.720
is reason enough to feel satisfied
00:15:28.880 --> 00:15:30.080
and be happy.
00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:32.920
You're doing really well,
great, great...
00:15:33.080 --> 00:15:37.600
There you go, that's it, perfect...
00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:41.120
You're doing a great job, Carmina.
00:15:41.280 --> 00:15:43.680
If the question is,
"Why does a woman,
00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:45.520
or a couple, want to have a child?"
00:15:45.680 --> 00:15:47.760
I'd like to know the answer.
00:15:47.920 --> 00:15:49.440
But experience tells me
00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:54.080
that it is often to keep
the bloodline alive,
00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:56.480
or to keep the surname alive.
00:16:00.280 --> 00:16:03.680
Are parents aware of what awaits them?
00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:05.080
I don't think so.
00:16:06.760 --> 00:16:08.600
I don't think they are aware.
00:16:08.760 --> 00:16:11.880
A lot of couples have expectations.
00:16:12.040 --> 00:16:14.200
And when you have expectations based
00:16:14.360 --> 00:16:18.680
on a fantasy,
you feel more frustrated later.
00:16:27.360 --> 00:16:28.960
Oh my God!
00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:43.920
I think that the notion
of maternal instinct
00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:47.520
is humanity's greatest deception.
00:16:52.680 --> 00:16:55.760
We have totally associated
00:16:56.440 --> 00:17:00.960
women, female humans, and animals.
00:17:02.360 --> 00:17:04.520
That is completely ridiculous.
00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:07.520
Women are an animal,
but not like other creatures.
00:17:25.280 --> 00:17:29.520
At around 20, I'd say at 25 today,
the question is
00:17:29.880 --> 00:17:33.480
not so much if you're going
to have kids, but when.
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That implies you made the decision
because it's your duty.
00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:42.000
The pressure that society
puts on you
00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:46.880
is what we women internalise
and experience as
00:17:47.360 --> 00:17:49.040
maternal instinct.
00:17:51.400 --> 00:17:55.120
As a biological fact, I don't think
maternal instinct exists.
00:17:55.400 --> 00:17:57.600
There are women who don't have it.
00:17:57.760 --> 00:18:02.080
Just that argument alone
should be enough
00:18:02.560 --> 00:18:06.600
to discredit the whole ideology
surrounding maternal instinct.
00:18:06.760 --> 00:18:10.400
NATIONAL NURSING SCHOOL OF VALENCIA
00:18:10.600 --> 00:18:12.840
Today is the last day of class.
00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:15.240
As you know, it's been a long course.
00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:18.640
First the exam,
then the course assessment survey.
00:18:21.360 --> 00:18:23.440
I didn't want children
because in this world
00:18:23.600 --> 00:18:24.840
there are all sorts.
00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:26.960
Not everyone is born
00:18:27.120 --> 00:18:29.240
to carry out the same role.
00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:31.720
So, some are here to be a mother,
00:18:31.880 --> 00:18:34.760
others are here
to research and discover
00:18:34.920 --> 00:18:36.640
a cure for cancer.
00:18:36.800 --> 00:18:42.120
When I was a teenager,
I knew deep down
00:18:42.280 --> 00:18:45.400
that I wasn't going to have kids,
that wasn't my role.
00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:52.880
Not having children
has been a handicap.
00:18:53.040 --> 00:18:54.520
I'll explain why.
00:18:54.680 --> 00:18:58.240
The mothers of pregnant women,
for example,
00:18:58.400 --> 00:19:00.600
sometimes say to me,
"Of course,
00:19:00.760 --> 00:19:04.000
you don't have kids, you don't know
what my daughter is going through."
00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:06.000
Does an oncologist
have to have cancer
00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:09.040
to be a good oncologist?
No, right?
00:19:09.200 --> 00:19:12.160
Whatever it takes for it
to be a good birth.
00:19:12.320 --> 00:19:14.920
I don't have the experience
of giving birth,
00:19:15.080 --> 00:19:17.400
but I have other resources and skills
00:19:17.560 --> 00:19:20.120
that do make me competent
to be with them,
00:19:20.280 --> 00:19:22.600
and be an excellent professional.
00:19:29.960 --> 00:19:32.800
We've been together now 22 years.
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:34.920
Times goes by so quickly.
00:19:35.080 --> 00:19:37.200
We never planned to have children.
00:19:37.360 --> 00:19:40.520
I didn't want to, he already did,
so it was perfect.
00:19:42.120 --> 00:19:45.120
This is my life, it's a good life,
a happy one.
00:19:45.280 --> 00:19:47.480
But the recipe for my life is mine,
00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:50.400
and each person has his or her
own recipe.
00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:08.600
You only have to look
at the history of women
00:20:08.760 --> 00:20:12.920
to see to what extent
we are conditioned
00:20:13.080 --> 00:20:17.040
by a society, a culture,
an environment.
00:20:18.120 --> 00:20:21.400
In eighteenth-century France,
00:20:21.560 --> 00:20:27.360
mothers were advised
not to have their babies close by,
00:20:27.760 --> 00:20:30.320
and to send them to the wet nurse
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:34.040
24 or 48 hours after giving birth.
00:20:34.200 --> 00:20:36.840
Women belonging to
00:20:37.080 --> 00:20:40.400
the bourgeoisie
or the upper aristocracy
00:20:40.560 --> 00:20:44.520
found the idea of breastfeeding
their babies disgusting,
00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:48.080
and that was based on the idea of:
"I am not a cow".
00:20:50.040 --> 00:20:54.640
The idea that babies were torn away
from their mothers
00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:56.240
is totally false.
00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:00.280
They were not torn away,
women were in fact conditioned
00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:03.160
by this general discourse of society.
00:21:03.320 --> 00:21:05.560
And so that was when I realised
00:21:05.720 --> 00:21:09.800
that if this instinct did exist
in humanity,
00:21:09.960 --> 00:21:12.040
it wasn't a very powerful one.
00:21:14.800 --> 00:21:17.520
I don't think
the maternal instinct exists.
00:21:17.840 --> 00:21:20.000
I think it's a question of culture.
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:24.200
A little voice doesn't suddenly
wake you up one day
00:21:24.360 --> 00:21:26.760
and say to you,
"You have to be a mother".
00:21:29.320 --> 00:21:32.800
A mother has the instinct
to protect and care for her baby.
00:21:32.960 --> 00:21:35.560
But it's an instinct for survival,
00:21:35.720 --> 00:21:37.760
like all mammals do.
00:21:37.920 --> 00:21:40.160
There is a learning process,
00:21:40.320 --> 00:21:42.480
because otherwise,
all women would breastfeed.
00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:46.440
They wouldn't have to organise
campaigns or courses
00:21:46.600 --> 00:21:48.960
to teach breastfeeding.
It would be instinctive.
00:21:49.120 --> 00:21:51.480
Humans are the only mammals I know
00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:53.920
that need to be taught how to suckle,
00:21:54.080 --> 00:21:57.600
clothe, wash and hold their young.
00:23:06.120 --> 00:23:09.600
"Regretting Motherhood".
00:23:09.760 --> 00:23:13.520
This is the controversial title
of this book by Sarah Fischer.
00:23:13.680 --> 00:23:19.480
She regrets being a mother,
and would rather be a father.
00:23:19.640 --> 00:23:22.880
Hello, Sarah Fischer.
Thanks for joining us.
00:24:59.400 --> 00:25:01.240
The issue of motherhood
00:25:01.400 --> 00:25:04.720
has progressed in some ways,
but there have been setbacks too.
00:25:14.160 --> 00:25:16.480
It's a case of history's pendulum.
00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:20.280
There have been moments
of greater freedom for women,
00:25:20.440 --> 00:25:24.600
normally when they are needed
in a public realm.
00:25:24.880 --> 00:25:29.080
In times of war, revolution,
economic crisis.
00:25:29.280 --> 00:25:31.840
However, when these crucial moments
00:25:32.080 --> 00:25:34.400
disappear from the public realm,
00:25:34.560 --> 00:25:37.360
women are always relegated
to the home again.
00:25:37.520 --> 00:25:41.440
And this call back
always involves a child.
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:32.440
The State is interested in everyone
being in his or her place.
00:26:32.600 --> 00:26:36.600
The best way of placing women where
00:26:36.760 --> 00:26:42.240
the State expects them to be,
is by extolling motherhood.
00:26:42.400 --> 00:26:53.520
Either return my love to me
00:26:59.600 --> 00:27:08.760
Or at least let me die.
00:28:38.760 --> 00:28:43.520
The right-wing Catholic offensive
of La Leche League
00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:48.000
is an association that developed
the idea
00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:52.080
that women who did not want
to breastfeed were monsters.
00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:56.160
And this discourse by a tiny group
of women
00:28:56.320 --> 00:29:01.960
has gradually reached
an enormous audience.
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:09.920
This "ecological" mothering movement
00:29:10.080 --> 00:29:12.680
harking back to eternal wisdom,
00:29:13.040 --> 00:29:17.880
has extremely tough consequences
for young mothers
00:29:18.040 --> 00:29:21.200
who want to do it right.
00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:26.720
It is a very devious way
of sending a woman back to the home.
00:29:27.520 --> 00:29:32.520
Under the guise of modernity,
it sends us back to the Middle Ages.
00:29:32.680 --> 00:29:35.320
And that is intolerable,
it's intolerable.
00:29:35.480 --> 00:29:46.600
O love, give me some remedy
00:29:46.760 --> 00:29:55.200
Either return my love to me
00:29:55.840 --> 00:30:08.920
Or at least let me die.
00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:19.080
At least let me die.
00:32:10.520 --> 00:32:11.680
I have a daughter.
00:32:11.880 --> 00:32:16.160
I had her when I was 19,
I got pregnant at 18.
00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:20.520
I didn't want to have her.
I didn't plan to get pregnant
00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:22.440
or be a mother.
00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:28.040
But I was pressured into having her
by my then partner and my mother.
00:32:28.800 --> 00:32:31.920
I put their wishes before mine.
00:32:34.760 --> 00:32:36.480
My mother said:
00:32:36.640 --> 00:32:40.360
"You've had your fun, right?
Now take the consequences."
00:32:40.840 --> 00:32:42.320
It was a sort of...
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:47.360
a way of paying for having had sex,
I don't know.
00:32:47.520 --> 00:32:48.960
Something like that.
00:32:53.280 --> 00:32:56.400
I threw myself into the role at first.
00:32:56.560 --> 00:32:58.800
I wanted to be a good mother.
00:32:58.960 --> 00:33:02.480
I was obsessed,
because I wanted to make up
00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:05.120
for having being reckless.
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:09.440
I began dressing like an older woman.
00:33:09.840 --> 00:33:11.240
I stopped going out.
00:33:11.400 --> 00:33:14.840
I quit doing all the things I like.
I stopped gaming.
00:33:15.040 --> 00:33:19.440
I tried to disguise myself
as an adult woman so I'd be respected.
00:33:20.480 --> 00:33:22.560
I'd like to have changed it,
00:33:22.920 --> 00:33:25.280
I'd like not to have been a mother.
00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:33.480
It's hard to understand
how you can regret something
00:33:33.760 --> 00:33:35.760
you had no say in.
00:33:41.880 --> 00:33:43.160
You have a partner.
00:33:43.320 --> 00:33:46.760
He doesn't treat you right
or you're unhappy, you leave him.
00:33:47.000 --> 00:33:50.720
You have a career that you don't like,
you just quit it.
00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:53.360
But when you're a mother,
there's no turning back.
00:33:53.520 --> 00:33:54.920
It's like a scar.
00:33:55.280 --> 00:33:57.960
It's there with you for life.
00:33:58.320 --> 00:34:02.520
So, I've suffered from a lot
of pressure and anxiety,
00:34:02.800 --> 00:34:04.680
there's nothing you can do.
00:34:05.320 --> 00:34:07.680
There's always a catch.
00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:11.760
There's never a situation
that makes everyone happy.
00:34:14.240 --> 00:34:15.960
For the first few years
00:34:16.200 --> 00:34:17.840
I was definitely a mother,
00:34:18.040 --> 00:34:21.680
but as my studies started to take up
more of my time,
00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:24.480
the only thing that would save me,
00:34:24.640 --> 00:34:28.000
my motherhood role dwindled
out of necessity.
00:34:28.160 --> 00:34:30.680
It was impossible to do both things.
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:33.320
I started getting back my identity.
00:34:33.520 --> 00:34:37.800
I started talking about things online,
00:34:38.120 --> 00:34:40.040
expressing the way I felt.
00:34:40.280 --> 00:34:43.120
The result was a gut reaction
by some people.
00:34:43.280 --> 00:34:45.160
They were rude.
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:47.240
They judged me.
00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:49.680
There are no safe spaces
00:34:49.840 --> 00:34:54.560
to question motherhood without people
lynching you.
00:34:55.000 --> 00:34:58.320
They assumed it meant
I didn't love my daughter,
00:34:58.520 --> 00:35:00.840
or I was going to do her harm.
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:05.440
I don't think that they understand it
00:35:05.680 --> 00:35:07.560
because they're not you,
00:35:08.760 --> 00:35:12.600
they haven't experienced it.
They don't know what it is...
00:35:13.480 --> 00:35:16.120
to love a person
00:35:16.280 --> 00:35:20.200
but not the circumstances
that bind you together.
00:35:31.600 --> 00:35:33.600
We've made motherhood seem
00:35:33.800 --> 00:35:37.120
like this incredibly romantic,
perfect experience
00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:40.320
that gives us constant happiness
and satisfaction.
00:35:40.560 --> 00:35:42.960
But reality is not like that.
00:35:43.920 --> 00:35:47.440
Sometimes women want to throw
everything overboard.
00:35:47.720 --> 00:35:50.120
Some even question if
00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:52.840
it was the best decision.
00:35:53.240 --> 00:35:55.040
We're not told about that.
00:35:55.720 --> 00:35:56.720
It's taboo.
00:36:39.800 --> 00:36:42.320
They don't feel free
to be able to say it.
00:36:43.880 --> 00:36:46.040
And they don't feel free because
00:36:46.720 --> 00:36:50.560
a woman and a mother
are not allowed to feel that.
00:36:50.720 --> 00:36:52.960
She would be judged as a bad mother.
00:36:53.400 --> 00:36:57.560
I would like us to stop deifying
00:36:57.800 --> 00:36:59.520
the mother, the good mother,
00:36:59.680 --> 00:37:02.280
the sacred mother, the holy mother...
00:37:02.440 --> 00:37:04.960
It's more complicated than all that.
00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:09.000
And few of us can say
that we have succeeded.
00:37:13.880 --> 00:37:15.760
Men, for example,
00:37:16.400 --> 00:37:17.960
can refuse to pay maintenance.
00:37:18.440 --> 00:37:22.520
You can work abroad, travel,
not accept your paternity.
00:37:22.720 --> 00:37:25.280
And it's absolutely all right.
00:37:25.440 --> 00:37:27.000
But if you're a mother...
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:31.200
they crucify you and burn you alive
like a witch.
00:37:31.480 --> 00:37:35.200
They see you as something unnatural.
00:37:35.400 --> 00:37:39.120
Or if, for example, I put my career
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:41.960
before being a mother, I'm judged.
00:37:42.120 --> 00:37:46.160
We're not treated equally.
In fact, a man puts his career first.
00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:54.800
The label "mother" really annoys me,
it grates on my nerves.
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:58.680
It sort of doesn't fit in
with who I am inside
00:37:59.000 --> 00:38:00.600
to be a mother.
00:38:02.360 --> 00:38:03.720
I love my daughter,
00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:06.360
so it's really complicated because
00:38:06.600 --> 00:38:08.800
I'd like to have another bond.
00:39:54.120 --> 00:39:58.840
There are people who are concerned
about the environment.
00:39:59.080 --> 00:40:04.000
They say they recycle and all that,
but they don't know what else to do.
00:40:04.160 --> 00:40:06.160
When I see that they have kids
00:40:06.400 --> 00:40:10.240
I want to say that the first thing
is not have kids.
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:13.960
The current situation
is totally unsustainable.
00:40:14.120 --> 00:40:17.800
We're been constantly told
that to keep consuming this way
00:40:18.040 --> 00:40:20.560
we'll need three more planet Earths.
00:40:20.920 --> 00:40:23.240
I don't think it's selfish to decide
00:40:23.480 --> 00:40:27.200
to devote your time
to yourself, your passion, your job,
00:40:27.400 --> 00:40:31.400
or you don't want kids,
all of which is respectable.
00:40:31.640 --> 00:40:33.520
I respect people who have kids.
00:40:33.720 --> 00:40:35.360
But what is selfish
00:40:35.600 --> 00:40:37.320
is to decide to have kids.
00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:42.480
They don't see themselves that way,
it's the ultimate act of love.
00:40:42.720 --> 00:40:46.320
"The most important thing in my life."
I say, you just said it.
00:40:46.480 --> 00:40:49.040
"The most important thing in my life."
00:40:49.240 --> 00:40:51.440
That's selfishness, okay.
00:40:51.680 --> 00:40:54.320
But we need to acknowledge it.
00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:09.240
It seems that you're selfish
00:41:09.400 --> 00:41:11.360
if you don't want to procreate.
00:41:11.680 --> 00:41:14.000
Even though there's overpopulation.
00:41:16.200 --> 00:41:19.760
Deep down,
nobody needs more children.
00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:23.320
We're heading for a world population
of ten billion.
00:41:23.480 --> 00:41:27.640
At the same time, though,
it's amusing to say
00:41:28.320 --> 00:41:29.760
that I'm selfish as well
00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:34.520
because I have two kids.
I'm totally selfish.
00:41:34.680 --> 00:41:44.800
Either return my love to me
00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:54.160
Or at least let me die.
00:42:11.040 --> 00:42:14.080
A woman who chooses
not to have children
00:42:14.240 --> 00:42:18.400
is not only not selfish, but in fact
00:42:18.560 --> 00:42:20.680
she is exceedingly responsible.
00:42:43.200 --> 00:42:45.520
A selfish attitude would actually be
00:42:45.760 --> 00:42:48.640
to become a biological mother,
come to that.
00:42:48.880 --> 00:42:53.520
The generous thing to do
would be to adopt.
00:42:56.320 --> 00:43:00.800
I think that adopting
a little boy or a little girl
00:43:00.960 --> 00:43:06.320
is the ultimate act of altruism
that we can consider
00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:08.800
in relation to motherhood.
00:43:19.320 --> 00:43:23.400
I'm now in charge of Communication
for Contorno Urbano.
00:43:23.600 --> 00:43:26.880
I love this job
because I come from the world of art,
00:43:27.120 --> 00:43:30.920
and there's also a social aspect
to this work.
00:43:31.120 --> 00:43:33.560
We design large murals,
00:43:33.720 --> 00:43:35.280
organise urban art festivals.
00:43:35.560 --> 00:43:40.320
A large part of our work, however,
is with our education team,
00:43:40.480 --> 00:43:44.560
setting up workshops with people
at risk from social exclusion,
00:43:44.800 --> 00:43:47.280
with primary and secondary schools.
00:43:51.360 --> 00:43:55.680
I was sterilised when I was 35,
a little over four years ago.
00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:59.480
It was free state healthcare
using a method called Essure.
00:43:59.640 --> 00:44:03.040
It creates a natural barrier
in the fallopian tubes.
00:44:03.880 --> 00:44:08.080
I was very nervous
when I went to the first appointment.
00:44:08.240 --> 00:44:12.600
I was aware that there are doctors
who sometimes refuse
00:44:12.800 --> 00:44:15.200
to accept women's requests for this,
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:17.520
so I was afraid they would say no.
00:44:17.760 --> 00:44:21.360
There was no biological reason,
I didn't have children.
00:44:27.040 --> 00:44:31.880
Women are treated like minors
at all levels of society.
00:44:32.080 --> 00:44:34.680
We are extremely vulnerable
in this case
00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:37.480
because there is no established norm.
00:44:37.680 --> 00:44:41.040
We are entirely at the mercy
00:44:41.440 --> 00:44:44.920
of the cultural, religious
and personal opinion of this doctor.
00:44:45.120 --> 00:44:46.960
There should be a protocol.
00:44:47.120 --> 00:44:49.080
Men are treated very differently.
00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:53.400
I don't know any who have been
humiliated or degraded
00:44:53.760 --> 00:44:57.000
or spoken to in a paternalistic,
arrogant way
00:44:57.200 --> 00:44:59.560
when they requested a vasectomy.
00:44:59.920 --> 00:45:01.520
I don't know any.
00:45:11.440 --> 00:45:13.840
We hadn't been together for long.
00:45:14.120 --> 00:45:18.320
I told him quite casually
that I was getting sterilised.
00:45:18.600 --> 00:45:22.000
I knew it wouldn't shock him.
00:45:22.160 --> 00:45:25.920
He knew about my views
and he's very open-minded.
00:45:26.080 --> 00:45:28.880
But he reacted even better
than I expected,
00:45:29.080 --> 00:45:33.480
because he went with me and before
I went into theatre he said:
00:45:33.720 --> 00:45:35.800
"I didn't mention it before,
00:45:36.120 --> 00:45:40.840
but it's your body,
you don't have to ask my opinion."
00:45:41.240 --> 00:45:42.760
It was very sweet.
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:50.000
I could add another reason
that has gradually been reinforced.
00:45:50.400 --> 00:45:53.880
I've discovered more works
by feminist writers, thinkers,
00:45:54.040 --> 00:45:58.600
who explain to what extent
motherhood can enslave women.
00:45:58.880 --> 00:46:01.240
For me it was another way
00:46:01.440 --> 00:46:04.920
of empowering myself,
taking control of my body.
00:46:05.080 --> 00:46:06.760
I choose not to have children.
00:46:13.200 --> 00:46:15.880
Advertising and the capitalist system
00:46:16.040 --> 00:46:18.560
have turned children
into a niche market.
00:46:18.720 --> 00:46:22.440
The market has been filled
with objects they may not need.
00:46:22.640 --> 00:46:25.400
Parents are tremendously
pressured
00:46:25.600 --> 00:46:28.160
to give their children these objects,
00:46:28.360 --> 00:46:31.960
making them more competitive,
another motto of capitalism.
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:06.080
I define myself as an anti-natalist.
00:47:06.280 --> 00:47:09.080
I believe that humans are a plague
00:47:09.240 --> 00:47:13.720
and the worst thing for this planet
and for other animals.
00:47:14.240 --> 00:47:17.800
Less people having children
isn't a panacea,
00:47:17.960 --> 00:47:19.920
but it might improve the situation.
00:47:20.360 --> 00:47:22.600
More effort is needed.
00:47:22.840 --> 00:47:25.160
Each person will use resources
00:47:25.400 --> 00:47:29.000
and produce huge amounts of waste.
00:47:29.440 --> 00:47:32.120
Although our family is socially aware,
00:47:32.280 --> 00:47:34.000
we try and avoid plastic, etc.,
00:47:34.160 --> 00:47:36.840
three or four people
consume more than one.
00:52:47.480 --> 00:52:50.000
The question is really:
00:52:50.160 --> 00:52:53.160
Is it necessary to have children
without knowing why?
00:52:56.600 --> 00:53:01.920
Having a child entails such powerful
unconscious factors
00:53:02.320 --> 00:53:04.120
of external pressure,
00:53:04.280 --> 00:53:09.640
that it is very hard to be certain
that it was a free choice.
00:53:13.640 --> 00:53:16.600
Our society is totally fabricated,
00:53:16.760 --> 00:53:20.080
constructed, and it could be otherwise.
00:53:20.240 --> 00:53:24.080
We could dream
of a completely different world.
00:53:27.640 --> 00:53:32.000
Let's stop having children, think about
what type of society we want
00:53:32.160 --> 00:53:34.080
and why we have children.
00:53:35.120 --> 00:53:37.640
Let's call a strike, a birth strike.
00:53:37.800 --> 00:53:40.720
Let's stop and think first.
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:49.240
We are women. We have a reproductive
system that has a function,
00:53:49.400 --> 00:53:52.320
but that is not necessarily
a woman's function.
00:53:52.480 --> 00:53:55.520
I think that we're people first,
then women.
00:53:55.680 --> 00:53:58.480
I don't regret a thing.
I'm very happy with who I am
00:53:58.640 --> 00:53:59.960
and where I am.
00:54:21.360 --> 00:54:23.120
I think that the "idea"
00:54:23.400 --> 00:54:27.160
of deconstructing the traditional role
of the woman and the family
00:54:27.360 --> 00:54:31.000
is also very important if we are
to evolve as a society.
00:54:31.280 --> 00:54:33.400
I think it improves society
00:54:33.640 --> 00:54:37.040
if we show more empathy,
00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:38.960
more respect.
00:54:39.200 --> 00:54:41.760
I think they are positive values.
00:54:45.360 --> 00:54:48.120
People don't know your story,
they judge you
00:54:48.400 --> 00:54:51.200
without knowing what happened
or how you feel.
00:54:51.400 --> 00:54:53.720
They only see the outside.
00:54:54.080 --> 00:54:58.640
One of the things that might save me
is designing and creating things.
00:54:58.880 --> 00:55:02.960
There are things that I really love.
00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:14.720
Any woman who wants to have children
should have them.
00:55:15.160 --> 00:55:19.160
The big question is why a woman
who does not want children
00:55:19.800 --> 00:55:22.200
should actually have them?
Distributor: Pragda Films
Length: 58 minutes
Date: 2018
Genre: Expository
Language: Spanish; Catalan; English; French
Grade: High School, College, Adult
Color/BW:
Closed Captioning: Available
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