WEBVTT

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SENSITIVE MATERIAL

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My work is a journey

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that begins when something
explodes in my head, so to say,

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after a lot of repression.

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I\'ve been capturing,

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unconsciously and without planning to,

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what my journey has been like.

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Tackling the sexual abuse
I suffered when I was little head-on

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and letting out
everything that was trapped inside.

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On the journey, I show...

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the emotional world that I had repressed,
that\'s coming out gradually,

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where I stored the abuse,
what the abuse has meant to me,

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the consequences,

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until it reaches a point of…

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being integrated, integration,

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internalising the experience,
acknowledging it as part of my story.

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That\'s the place that I\'m in right now.

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I feel like taking part in the project

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marked a before and after in my life.

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And...

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I think the people who knew me
before I took part in Material Sensible,

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if they don\'t know what I went through,
are missing a very important part of me.

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That\'s why I feel the need
to share that I\'ve been through this

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so that people get to know me
how I am today after what I experienced.

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The Material Sensible workshop

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was a real gift for me.

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The first time I heard

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what I would be doing there

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my reaction was a bit like:

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\"Wow, that\'s cool!\".

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And, for me, at that time

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a workshop like this...

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it was a real opportunity,

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not only to work on something I liked,
which is photography,

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but also...

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above all...

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what I would be doing there
beyond the photography.

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That has been most important to me.

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This is a participatory project
on photographic creation

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aimed at people who have suffered
sexual abuse in childhood.

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We spend 6 months working
with a group of 10 people, more or less,

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who have all done
individual and group therapy,

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to whom we offer the possibility
of experimenting with photography

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to create a visual series,

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a series of images so they can express
something that they need to express.

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We start working with fun exercises

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to open our eyes, play,
discover the potential of the image,

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to gradually explore how we can explain

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an intimate, personal story

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about something
that we have maybe never talked about.

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For me, photography is a new language now,

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it\'s another way of talking.

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I pay a lot more attention
to what it says to me, especially…

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realising that there were
eight people doing the workshop

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and we all started
from the same place, more or less:

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they gave us a camera,
gave us a few hints,

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sent us out with the camera
and the results are completely different.

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That makes me think that it\'s...

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a new language
that you can use to reflect

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the reality around you now
but also your inner reality.

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Photography is...

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I can\'t describe it, I\'m still…

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a little bit at war with it

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because it\'s what made me connect, but...

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in order to connect
I\'ve had to fight a war with it.

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So...

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I feel like it\'s a \"boom\".

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But I can\'t find the right word yet,
it\'s connection.

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It\'s the connection between what I feel,
what I think and what I want to say.

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It\'s the weapon I can speak with.

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Representing the abuse in my photographs

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wasn\'t intentional or planned,

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and I wasn\'t sure if it would be reflected
in one way or another.

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I started taking
a series of photographs in nature

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and they started to connect me
with my experiences,

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with something that was very silent.

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They\'re also photographs
I took in nature when I was alone.

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And it\'s something silent,
something you don\'t see...

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All those tree roots,
which go deep inside...

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I think it would be impossible
to uproot a tree,

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because it\'s held so tight.

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And those memories
and those images, it\'s like...

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\"Will I ever forget what happened to me?\",

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\"Will I ever stop remembering?”

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There\'s another
which is the entrance to a bunker,

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which is right in nature.

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And it\'s that impenetrability, that...

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Well...

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that structure that\'s so solid...

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that hasn\'t allowed access
to this whole world until now.

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I\'ve found photography useful

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for expressing things that sometimes...

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we don\'t know how
or don\'t want to express with words.

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And we\'ve seen that
several times in the sessions.

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It\'s unbelievable how there are things
you don\'t think you are showing

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but then other people can see them.

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And all thanks to a photograph.

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Having a camera in my hand empowers me,

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that\'s the word.

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Because you\'re seeking something,

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using the zoom,

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searching for the right position,

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the light...

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With your phone you just point and shoot.

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Now, I\'ve learnt with the camera,

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to see through the camera,

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to see the photos through the camera.

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Before you told me to take photographs
of the first thing I saw,

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I was doing it unintentionally.

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But I was doing it with my phone

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and without technical words.

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A low-angle shot...
Those words you use that I love saying.

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I had no idea

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about technical words

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in photography.

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In the first sessions, I remember
we did a lot of technical exercises.

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Most of us
hadn\'t a clue about photography.

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We learnt to use the camera

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and the technique for taking photographs

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and we gradually started
doing some self-reflection,

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bit by bit,
with short exercises on emotions, etc.

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We wrote texts and other things.

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They were like little tests

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to prepare us
for the final exhibition.

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The very first thing we do,
when we\'ve introduced ourselves,

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is give a camera
to the people who are participating.

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Right from the start.
If they have their own they can use it,

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but the aim
is for the participants to take it home

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and have an intimate relationship
with the camera,

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and take photographs during the week

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and come to the workshop
for two hours a week

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to share the images they have taken.

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The photos are printed out
when they get here,

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they upload the photos they took
during the week to a Drive

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and Alice prints them out

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so that we can work directly
with the physical image,

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not only with the digital image
we see on the screen

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or the image
when we\'re editing on the computer.

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From then onwards,
we begin a playful process

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with the visual language,

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understanding where the images come from
and the things they portray.

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There are two moments
in creating a photograph,

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one is capturing, taking the photo,

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and the other is reading the image.

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When we\'re taking it,
at Material Sensible,

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we\'re inviting people,
the participants,

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to look around them
at their everyday lives.

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We take the pressure off the image,
the act of photographing.

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Will anything do?
Yes, anything will do.

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Because we\'re interested
in the meaning of the image,

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not the content.

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Then, we gradually work
on the technical side

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so that the image has the foundation

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to transmit what you want
to transmit to the viewer,

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but when capturing the image,
when taking the picture,

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an automatic practise is activated,

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you often don\'t know
why you\'re taking the photo.

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That\'s the unconscious part of the image,

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seeing the invisible,
as they say a lot in photography.

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But you take the photographs you want,
you shoot the photographs you want,

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and then you sit down

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and decide
which photos to upload to the Drive.

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Then you start to realise
you like this one more, this one less,

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and when you see the printed photo,

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that photo you chose
not knowing why,

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you take the time
to dialogue with the image

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and you might notice
the unconscious part of the image,

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what it\'s saying to you,

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which you often didn\'t realise
when you took it.

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In the second phase,

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we go deeper,

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with more intimate stories.

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While we guided them with exercises
in the first phase,

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in this second phase,
each one of them...

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takes photos of their surroundings,
their lives, private lives, anything.

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And they create a bulk of images,

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a series of images,

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that, in a third editing phase,

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by selecting them, seeing what they say,
what they see in them,

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they create the story they have to tell,
they discover it.

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Photography is a language

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because you can express yourself:

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\"look at our work, look at our workshop\".

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It\'s a language, pure and simple.

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You look at a photograph,

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a photo one of your colleagues took,

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and say one thing to one person,
another to another,

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but it really is a language,
it\'s literally a language.

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I started out taking a lot of photos

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that were more literal,

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they reflected images and memories

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of the abuse itself.

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It was fine,
I didn\'t feel comfortable,

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but then a time came when I realised

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I didn\'t want to explain
what had happened to me

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from that place of pain.

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I wanted to explain it
from the here and now,

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which, for me, is a place of growth.

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So, one day, I said:

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\"I\'m going to take the photos I took\",

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I threw them on the ground

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and looked at them.

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And I said:
\"This isn\'t what I want to talk about\".

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And I realised
my story was in my body, in my tattoos.

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Each one of my tattoos,

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as I explain in the texts,
is a sign of growth for me.

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I thought: \"What better
than photographing my tattoos?\".

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I have a lot,

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but the ones that really reflect my growth
in terms of the abuse

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like when I started therapy,

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the one on my arm
that says: \"I\'m strong\"...

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So, I said:
\"I\'ll tell my story through this\".

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It\'s a language...

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quite a powerful one.

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It\'s a way of…

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talking about it

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and paving the way
to verbalise it.

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For me, it\'s...

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it\'s been like….

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a...

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precursor.

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It\'s worked as a precursor

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so that I could...

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talk about those feelings

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which are so deep.

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And the inspiration to do it in a way...

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that\'s sensitive

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and beautiful.

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You don\'t need to...

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describe

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so much pain

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in a literal way.

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I think that\'s important.

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I don\'t think I can do it any other way.

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I\'ve been through quite a painful process

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because many doors have been opened,

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among them,
being able to talk to my mum about it

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and see her reaction

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and what the people
who abused me said to her:

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that she was crazy, that...

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And my mum tried to help us

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and in the end they said she was crazy

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and my mum
didn\'t know who to listen to.

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That\'s another thing
we should talk about,

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I see it in my nieces and nephews.

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They say something and you think:
\"That\'s just kids\' nonsense\".

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No, we have to listen to children more.

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They might be saying nonsense,
from your point of view,

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but if you ask more,
you might realise there\'s more to it.

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Do I think the image is a language?
I guess it is,

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because you can transmit
emotions through it

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that you don\'t know how to verbalise.

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I\'ve used it to explain things

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that I would never have been able
to say to my family face to face.

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I remember a photograph of some pins,

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and when I was little...

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I pricked myself with pins

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and I never told anybody.

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In fact, I still haven\'t told anybody

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but it\'s there in the photo.

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Photography is fundamental,

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because you learn to see your surroundings

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through different eyes

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and it helps you connect with yourself,
with your emotions.

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For example, I remember
one of the exercises at the beginning

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was to identify some emotions,
like rage, sadness...

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and you saw how,
through photography,

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they could express emotions
that are so hard to say using words

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and how they connected with them

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and how they could transform them too.

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Photography as a vehicle

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is something really impressive,

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it\'s really powerful.

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The group work

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is different to the work
you would do in therapeutic groups.

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In this case,
it\'s a matter of offering mutual support

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and also giving a lot of feedback,

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because in each session,
when they\'ve done some of the work,

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they show each other their photographs.

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They comment on them together
and observe the process.

00:21:45.375 --> 00:21:48.708
There\'s a lot of questioning
throughout the process, too:

00:21:49.417 --> 00:21:52.375
\"Really?\",
\"Maybe it wasn\'t that big a deal\"…

00:21:53.167 --> 00:21:56.042
There always has to be validation.

00:21:56.833 --> 00:22:00.125
There\'s a series of things
you have to do in the process

00:22:00.208 --> 00:22:02.333
which is validate your emotions,

00:22:02.417 --> 00:22:05.042
your feelings,
the story you\'re telling...

00:22:05.500 --> 00:22:10.000
But, of course,
guilt is one of the biggest difficulties.

00:22:10.083 --> 00:22:11.750
The guilt, for example,

00:22:12.042 --> 00:22:15.583
in saying: \"I could have done something\",

00:22:15.750 --> 00:22:19.500
\"I didn\'t ask for help\",
\"why didn\'t I stop them?\", \"why me?\"...

00:22:19.583 --> 00:22:24.292
And that creates guilt
that\'s really hard to shake off.

00:22:36.208 --> 00:22:38.917
My photo is the story of growth

00:22:39.625 --> 00:22:45.000
from the places
where I felt guilty about everything,

00:22:45.083 --> 00:22:48.500
what they did to me,
my abuse,

00:22:48.708 --> 00:22:52.125
places where I had to relax,

00:22:52.208 --> 00:22:54.917
which were hiding places for me,

00:22:56.917 --> 00:22:59.208
wanting to hide away from the world,

00:22:59.292 --> 00:23:01.125
know nothing about anybody,

00:23:01.333 --> 00:23:02.958
fear...

00:23:03.958 --> 00:23:06.458
A bit of everything
and, above all, growth,

00:23:06.875 --> 00:23:09.875
going to places
that I found difficult to visit,

00:23:10.167 --> 00:23:13.125
that\'s what has helped me the most here.

00:23:14.250 --> 00:23:15.750
That\'s my story.

00:23:25.542 --> 00:23:29.958
The experience of being able to talk
to a group that feels the same as you,

00:23:30.917 --> 00:23:34.625
be stirred by them explaining things
that you don\'t dare to say,

00:23:35.417 --> 00:23:38.208
I felt a sense of belonging,

00:23:39.167 --> 00:23:42.125
having a place where you\'re understood,

00:23:42.333 --> 00:23:45.375
where you can talk
without having to say everything.

00:23:49.042 --> 00:23:52.375
I froze a bit to start with
because I had so much to say

00:23:52.458 --> 00:23:54.125
I couldn\'t choose one thing.

00:23:56.208 --> 00:23:57.958
Between struggling to connect

00:23:58.042 --> 00:24:03.208
and then, when I did connect,
not being sure which one to talk about,

00:24:03.292 --> 00:24:05.250
in the end I decided to focus

00:24:05.708 --> 00:24:08.625
on what was being represented

00:24:08.792 --> 00:24:10.958
in my time at the workshop

00:24:11.042 --> 00:24:12.583
which was dissociation.

00:24:24.792 --> 00:24:28.625
As I researched it, I realised
that we seldom discuss dissociation.

00:24:29.333 --> 00:24:31.000
I\'d heard a lot about it,

00:24:31.083 --> 00:24:34.042
but when you name it,
people wonder: \"What is that?\".

00:24:36.750 --> 00:24:38.458
It\'s when...

00:24:39.125 --> 00:24:40.875
your body or brain can\'t...

00:24:40.958 --> 00:24:44.958
It isn\'t ready to grasp so much pain

00:24:45.667 --> 00:24:48.875
or things
that you can\'t internalise at that time

00:24:48.958 --> 00:24:50.583
and the body disconnects

00:24:51.250 --> 00:24:53.208
in order to survive.

00:24:54.792 --> 00:24:58.500
The bad thing is, in time,
you disconnect completely.

00:24:58.583 --> 00:25:01.167
I even stopped drinking water

00:25:01.542 --> 00:25:04.042
because my body didn\'t detect thirst

00:25:04.375 --> 00:25:05.833
because I ignored it.

00:25:06.583 --> 00:25:09.208
Then, once you start going to therapy,

00:25:09.417 --> 00:25:12.000
and the photographs helped me a lot,

00:25:12.833 --> 00:25:15.458
you start to connect again

00:25:15.542 --> 00:25:19.500
and to have better habits
that you didn\'t have before.

00:25:19.667 --> 00:25:21.167
I have them now.

00:25:21.250 --> 00:25:25.417
I wanted to explain what dissociation is
as people don\'t talk about it.

00:25:53.083 --> 00:25:55.917
Tell us if you need us.

00:25:56.167 --> 00:26:00.292
For us, this is your project
and we\'re here to help you.

00:27:05.958 --> 00:27:09.250
Something that was eye-opening for me,
in the first session,

00:27:10.167 --> 00:27:16.042
was to clearly see the effect
of victimisation on people,

00:27:16.417 --> 00:27:19.583
how having been
a victim of abuse like that

00:27:20.292 --> 00:27:24.958
can make you feel like a victim
for the rest of your life,

00:27:25.208 --> 00:27:26.583
and how that…

00:27:28.125 --> 00:27:30.375
does so much damage

00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:33.583
to people,

00:27:34.167 --> 00:27:36.750
in terms of relationships,
in terms of...

00:27:38.208 --> 00:27:42.458
professionally, on a personal level...

00:27:45.208 --> 00:27:48.250
It really struck me
in the very first workshop.

00:27:48.333 --> 00:27:52.333
I also saw myself
reflected in a lot of the things...

00:27:53.333 --> 00:27:56.125
It helped me to detect that.

00:27:57.625 --> 00:27:58.875
How...

00:28:03.792 --> 00:28:06.125
stopping being a victim is a decision.

00:28:07.042 --> 00:28:09.500
You have to make that decision
at some point.

00:28:09.583 --> 00:28:12.875
And how difficult it is
to make that decision sometimes,

00:28:12.958 --> 00:28:15.083
to be able to make that decision.

00:28:23.875 --> 00:28:26.292
Telling your family

00:28:27.667 --> 00:28:29.458
what happened to you

00:28:29.708 --> 00:28:31.917
is obviously something that shocks them.

00:28:32.250 --> 00:28:36.375
Especially those who are closest,
fathers, mothers, siblings.

00:28:38.583 --> 00:28:43.208
During my therapy,
I had only told my mum.

00:28:43.792 --> 00:28:47.625
I needed her support
and to have her by my side.

00:28:49.500 --> 00:28:50.875
But...

00:28:51.542 --> 00:28:56.250
taking part in the workshop
and doing the exhibition,

00:28:57.375 --> 00:29:02.833
you could say that it was an excuse
to also tell my dad and my brother.

00:29:05.375 --> 00:29:08.542
My work at Material Sensible

00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:12.208
is mainly based on...

00:29:13.667 --> 00:29:18.708
raising awareness
about the therapy process,

00:29:19.792 --> 00:29:23.417
that it\'s longer and more complex
than it might seem.

00:29:24.417 --> 00:29:25.792
I remember

00:29:25.875 --> 00:29:29.833
when I was brave enough to explain
what happened for the first time,

00:29:30.542 --> 00:29:35.458
I thought that was it
and it\'s actually only the beginning,

00:29:35.583 --> 00:29:39.125
when the hard work starts
and, once you\'ve let it out,

00:29:39.625 --> 00:29:42.375
you can\'t take it back, so...

00:29:43.708 --> 00:29:45.792
Well, I wanted...

00:29:47.292 --> 00:29:51.250
to raise awareness
about what the process meant to me,

00:29:52.917 --> 00:29:57.458
and that it involved letting go
of a lot of blame, fear and shame

00:29:57.583 --> 00:30:00.125
and releasing them.

00:30:01.125 --> 00:30:03.958
And no longer
feeling responsible for them,

00:30:04.042 --> 00:30:06.833
but instead... freeing myself

00:30:08.875 --> 00:30:10.542
of a lot of things.

00:30:29.042 --> 00:30:33.583
For me, talking in public
was really powerful.

00:30:35.708 --> 00:30:41.208
It was powerful because
all of that was locked inside me.

00:30:41.958 --> 00:30:46.250
I had only told my story
to those closest to me.

00:30:47.542 --> 00:30:51.750
So, talking in front of so many people,
with cameras recording,

00:30:52.042 --> 00:30:55.458
knowing it would be in the news,

00:30:57.042 --> 00:30:59.042
caused me a lot of anxiety.

00:30:59.750 --> 00:31:01.625
It made me really anxious

00:31:02.083 --> 00:31:05.417
but it was a mixture of anxiety, fear...

00:31:06.167 --> 00:31:08.042
and also empowerment.

00:31:08.333 --> 00:31:11.417
But I did have the same feeling
as when I was little,

00:31:11.833 --> 00:31:14.875
that I would be punished
for talking in public.

00:31:15.500 --> 00:31:19.417
For a few days,
I was worried I would be punished.

00:31:20.167 --> 00:31:22.458
I would be punished in some way.

00:31:23.167 --> 00:31:24.583
And I wasn\'t.

00:31:30.250 --> 00:31:34.375
And that shocked me
but then it empowered me a lot.

00:31:36.333 --> 00:31:38.083
I\'m not scared any more.

00:31:39.292 --> 00:31:43.167
The fear got smaller and smaller.
I didn\'t even realise.

00:31:45.458 --> 00:31:49.583
And suddenly, one day, I said:
\"I can\'t do that, I\'m scared\",

00:31:49.750 --> 00:31:52.583
and they asked me:
\"what are you scared of?\".

00:31:52.667 --> 00:31:54.583
And I thought: \"Goodness\",

00:31:54.667 --> 00:31:57.083
I suddenly realised I wasn\'t,

00:31:57.167 --> 00:32:00.042
that it was a habit,
everything scared me.

00:32:00.583 --> 00:32:03.875
And then suddenly
I realised I wasn\'t scared any more.

00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:07.375
And now I can do a lot of things

00:32:08.250 --> 00:32:11.625
that I couldn\'t do before,
that I didn\'t dare to do.

00:32:12.208 --> 00:32:13.833
It keeps getting easier.

00:33:36.917 --> 00:33:41.000
Exhibiting is showing your innards
to the world, in this case.

00:33:41.750 --> 00:33:43.375
Exhibiting is...

00:33:44.708 --> 00:33:47.917
opening up and saying: \"Here I am\".

00:33:48.958 --> 00:33:53.292
Working with the intimacy of photography,
like we do at Material Sensible.

00:33:53.917 --> 00:33:58.750
In terms of the process,
it means getting over,

00:33:59.458 --> 00:34:02.708
a fear of being hurt again

00:34:03.750 --> 00:34:05.792
by somebody else\'s regard.

00:34:05.958 --> 00:34:09.750
The exhibition process
has to be gradual and very slow.

00:34:10.458 --> 00:34:15.583
But exhibiting is also naming,
restricting, ordering what I want to tell.

00:34:16.250 --> 00:34:18.417
Introducing the figure of the viewer

00:34:18.708 --> 00:34:20.917
makes you even more precise,

00:34:21.000 --> 00:34:24.208
testing whether they understand
what I\'m saying or not.

00:34:24.375 --> 00:34:28.917
And there\'s the power and support
of the group, the reviews, the edits.

00:34:29.708 --> 00:34:32.167
Exhibiting is a challenge,
a big challenge,

00:34:32.250 --> 00:34:33.583
and that\'s why...

00:34:34.083 --> 00:34:36.542
you have to listen to yourself

00:34:36.625 --> 00:34:39.625
and listen to whether
it\'s time to exhibit or not.

00:34:41.792 --> 00:34:43.792
I hung the first one up crooked.

00:34:49.500 --> 00:34:53.167
The exhibition was the perfect excuse

00:34:53.250 --> 00:34:56.875
for starting to talk about my story

00:34:56.958 --> 00:35:00.208
or the abuse I suffered when I was little

00:35:00.583 --> 00:35:04.833
with my family, or my nuclear family,
my parents and sister.

00:35:05.667 --> 00:35:07.375
It was...

00:35:07.917 --> 00:35:10.458
the tool

00:35:10.625 --> 00:35:14.208
that allowed me to tell them more.

00:35:14.292 --> 00:35:20.292
It\'s obviously not something
we discussed over lunch every Sunday,

00:35:20.375 --> 00:35:22.833
it\'s not easy to bring up.

00:35:22.917 --> 00:35:27.458
There\'s this discomfort,
the family doesn\'t know how to broach it,

00:35:28.292 --> 00:35:30.958
you think:
if they don\'t ask, I won\'t tell.

00:35:31.458 --> 00:35:34.875
And sometimes it just isn\'t discussed.

00:35:35.208 --> 00:35:38.042
In the end, it creates a family wound

00:35:38.125 --> 00:35:44.167
because you\'re the one suffering it,
but it has an impact on everybody.

00:35:46.583 --> 00:35:49.083
One day, I took out my photos

00:35:49.167 --> 00:35:51.708
and said: \"Let me show you what I\'m doing

00:35:51.792 --> 00:35:55.083
and this photo means this,
that photo means that…\".

00:35:57.083 --> 00:36:00.958
And I did it at a point in the process
when I no longer broke down

00:36:01.042 --> 00:36:02.625
when I talked about it

00:36:03.417 --> 00:36:07.917
and I could handle it
when my mother did break down

00:36:08.250 --> 00:36:11.000
or when it made them feel...

00:36:12.583 --> 00:36:13.917
when it hurt them.

00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:17.000
It\'s been really positive in that sense.

00:36:17.375 --> 00:36:19.500
We\'ve been able to talk

00:36:21.083 --> 00:36:25.375
and express things
that we hadn\'t done before.

00:36:28.125 --> 00:36:33.167
These two photographs
represent my childhood,

00:36:34.375 --> 00:36:35.958
from my childhood...

00:36:36.750 --> 00:36:39.833
It\'s not the same telling your story

00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:41.833
to your close ones and family

00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:43.875
as it is to the whole world,

00:36:44.167 --> 00:36:48.792
because you\'re opening up to the world.

00:36:48.875 --> 00:36:52.750
We\'ve done radio interviews,
interviews for the press...

00:36:55.250 --> 00:36:58.292
And watching kids, well, teenagers,

00:36:58.375 --> 00:37:01.292
come to the exhibition and see it,

00:37:02.208 --> 00:37:03.917
seeing their faces,

00:37:05.042 --> 00:37:08.375
reading every paragraph,
looking at the photos...

00:37:10.500 --> 00:37:12.417
I would do it again.

00:37:12.875 --> 00:37:17.500
It\'s a way of promoting growth
and helping a lot of people

00:37:17.583 --> 00:37:19.792
as I know lots of people who came

00:37:20.667 --> 00:37:23.375
broke their silence,
they\'ve even told me.

00:37:23.708 --> 00:37:26.792
This candle is like a symbol of hope,

00:37:26.875 --> 00:37:29.250
you can get through it.

00:37:29.333 --> 00:37:31.542
There have been times in the visits

00:37:31.625 --> 00:37:34.792
when a student has told us their story,

00:37:34.875 --> 00:37:38.667
or had a revelation and said:
\"Wow, this happened to me too\".

00:37:39.292 --> 00:37:40.542
And...

00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:43.583
it\'s hard.

00:37:47.417 --> 00:37:50.583
Suddenly, the one thing
I couldn\'t stop thinking about,

00:37:50.667 --> 00:37:53.250
which could be a projection, was:

00:37:53.333 --> 00:37:57.042
wow, you have a long way to go,
a long path ahead...

00:37:58.208 --> 00:38:01.500
Talking about it
is almost the first step,

00:38:01.583 --> 00:38:03.542
it\'s the first thing,

00:38:03.625 --> 00:38:07.000
but I thought:
that\'s when you realise...

00:38:07.250 --> 00:38:09.958
the areas in which
it has affected your life...

00:38:11.042 --> 00:38:14.958
You have your own voice
telling you things up here…

00:38:15.042 --> 00:38:17.125
or it was in my case,

00:38:17.458 --> 00:38:21.125
and then you have somebody
opening up completely,

00:38:22.208 --> 00:38:26.292
vulnerable and telling you something
they may not have shared before,

00:38:26.375 --> 00:38:30.917
and being able to offer support
while giving them the space they need.

00:38:34.042 --> 00:38:37.750
But also touching on a place
where you connect with that person,

00:38:37.875 --> 00:38:41.167
being able to understand what happened.

00:38:43.583 --> 00:38:45.250
I understand you

00:38:45.542 --> 00:38:49.292
and I can tell you that there\'s a process

00:38:49.375 --> 00:38:51.833
but that you will make it.

00:38:52.083 --> 00:38:54.042
There\'s a way out.

00:38:54.167 --> 00:38:57.750
And ask for help,
but don\'t just ask for help

00:38:57.833 --> 00:39:02.042
we can also put you in touch
with people who can really help you.

00:39:06.208 --> 00:39:07.958
It\'s intense.

00:39:16.750 --> 00:39:18.542
Since I put them up,

00:39:19.667 --> 00:39:22.500
I haven\'t been able to come back,
as you know.

00:39:22.667 --> 00:39:25.375
I haven\'t been able to step into the room

00:39:26.292 --> 00:39:28.542
because, for me, they\'re...

00:39:29.417 --> 00:39:31.500
they represent powerful memories.

00:39:32.375 --> 00:39:36.250
I remember the one with the hand,
which was when it was night-time

00:39:37.167 --> 00:39:40.917
and you heard noises and thought:
\"Shit, not again…\".

00:39:41.500 --> 00:39:44.708
And you had school the next day,
you had to act normally,

00:39:44.792 --> 00:39:46.583
pretend that you were fine.

00:39:49.625 --> 00:39:54.875
I think I want to make people understand
just how helpless

00:39:56.458 --> 00:39:58.625
a minor is against an adult

00:39:59.500 --> 00:40:02.125
and society,
which doesn\'t know how to react,

00:40:02.208 --> 00:40:04.667
because if the adult is really crazy,

00:40:06.250 --> 00:40:08.917
I mean,
they use all kinds of violence,

00:40:10.417 --> 00:40:13.375
of course the family
doesn\'t know how to react.

00:40:27.750 --> 00:40:32.167
The photo of the hand
was our feeling of: \"please, stop\".

00:40:34.833 --> 00:40:36.583
Nobody did anything, because...

00:40:36.667 --> 00:40:40.042
Actually, since we put on the exhibition,

00:40:40.125 --> 00:40:43.167
–and it did some good,
as my family has discussed this–

00:40:43.250 --> 00:40:45.042
small details have come up

00:40:45.125 --> 00:40:48.208
that we didn\'t know about
when we were little.

00:40:48.292 --> 00:40:53.208
Now, as adults, we\'ve found out
that they did try to stop it.

00:40:55.458 --> 00:40:57.583
They tried to stop the violence,

00:40:58.667 --> 00:41:00.125
both physical and verbal.

00:41:00.292 --> 00:41:02.792
They didn\'t know
about the sexual violence.

00:41:03.625 --> 00:41:05.500
It was kept quiet, I guess.

00:41:22.125 --> 00:41:24.125
Just coming out

00:41:25.583 --> 00:41:30.792
and being seen,
thinking it might help somebody else,

00:41:30.875 --> 00:41:33.000
that\'s the biggest thing for me.

00:41:33.375 --> 00:41:36.333
And I don\'t mind if I get overwhelmed.

00:41:37.458 --> 00:41:41.917
The only thing I care about is,
if somebody like me sees this

00:41:42.125 --> 00:41:45.542
and is helped, that\'s enough.
That\'s really rewarding.

00:41:47.083 --> 00:41:48.625
Really rewarding.

00:41:50.458 --> 00:41:56.167
This is more or less how I felt
throughout the whole thing.

00:41:58.375 --> 00:42:01.583
I would tell somebody
who hasn\'t been abused

00:42:01.833 --> 00:42:06.250
that they need to have a lot of empathy
in order to understand.

00:42:07.917 --> 00:42:11.042
We shouldn\'t focus
on the physical element,

00:42:11.125 --> 00:42:13.708
it\'s what hurt me the least.

00:42:14.042 --> 00:42:17.500
The physical side
isn\'t what\'s hard, what\'s cruel.

00:42:17.833 --> 00:42:19.958
Especially with kids.

00:42:20.333 --> 00:42:22.583
The hard thing is growing up with it,

00:42:22.667 --> 00:42:26.417
and that it\'s in every aspect
of your life, your adolescence...

00:42:27.875 --> 00:42:31.792
Your first kiss
won\'t be the same as everyone else...

00:42:32.750 --> 00:42:35.208
It will remind you of bad things.

00:42:35.583 --> 00:42:37.417
Your relationships...

00:42:37.500 --> 00:42:39.833
The physical aspect isn\'t the hard part,

00:42:39.917 --> 00:42:42.833
we always focus on:
\"what did they do to you?\".

00:42:42.917 --> 00:42:44.458
That\'s the least hard.

00:42:44.750 --> 00:42:46.917
You can almost forget about that,

00:42:47.083 --> 00:42:50.708
the hard stuff is what stays inside.

00:42:50.958 --> 00:42:55.167
I would tell them
not to focus on the facts,

00:42:55.292 --> 00:42:58.917
but to put themselves in the shoes
of someone living with that

00:42:59.250 --> 00:43:01.167
in every aspect of their life.

00:43:01.417 --> 00:43:05.042
It didn\'t happen 30 years ago,
in my head it was yesterday.

00:43:21.208 --> 00:43:23.833
My piece for the exhibition

00:43:24.125 --> 00:43:29.083
tells quite an obvious story

00:43:29.583 --> 00:43:33.500
of the path from my childhood,

00:43:33.917 --> 00:43:36.750
from my fears as a little girl,

00:43:37.458 --> 00:43:41.167
to the moment
when I was able to distance myself.

00:43:42.000 --> 00:43:45.083
It turns out that the photos

00:43:46.625 --> 00:43:49.667
started to talk about much more

00:43:50.500 --> 00:43:52.333
than I thought they would.

00:43:53.500 --> 00:44:00.000
Then, I got inspired
to embroider the photos.

00:44:02.125 --> 00:44:04.458
I talk about overflowing and undoing

00:44:06.333 --> 00:44:08.458
in quite a literal way.

00:44:09.167 --> 00:44:15.042
It\'s been like undoing
something I had already embroidered

00:44:17.625 --> 00:44:20.708
because I wanted to embroider
something different.

00:44:26.750 --> 00:44:28.083
But...

00:44:29.292 --> 00:44:31.000
how do you explain something

00:44:31.667 --> 00:44:33.417
when sometimes

00:44:36.458 --> 00:44:38.125
there are no words...

00:44:39.750 --> 00:44:41.333
to describe it?

00:44:45.458 --> 00:44:48.167
Because I don\'t know
if you can explain it.

00:44:50.583 --> 00:44:52.292
You can translate it.

00:44:59.167 --> 00:45:00.833
In some way.

00:45:06.625 --> 00:45:10.292
So I think doing the exhibition

00:45:10.583 --> 00:45:12.875
has been a bit like that.

00:45:15.083 --> 00:45:18.292
One more step forward

00:45:22.250 --> 00:45:23.750
that I\'ve achieved...

00:45:26.417 --> 00:45:28.250
that I\'ve taken on this path

00:45:31.875 --> 00:45:33.833
of starting again.

00:45:39.167 --> 00:45:40.625
Well...

00:45:41.708 --> 00:45:43.292
of resetting.

00:47:52.833 --> 00:47:57.208
PURE RESILIENCE

00:47:59.292 --> 00:48:02.792
In the book out there,
before you come in,

00:48:03.167 --> 00:48:06.583
I put: \"Material Sensible.
If there\'s one thing I\'ve learnt

00:48:06.667 --> 00:48:10.208
it\'s that I prefer a thousand battles,
wounds, deaths,

00:48:10.500 --> 00:48:14.792
a thousand experiences like this,
than to have experienced nothing.

00:48:14.958 --> 00:48:18.708
The path was hard,
but it\'s possible, it should be done.

00:48:19.292 --> 00:48:23.667
If anyone says it\'s impossible,
tell them they\'re wrong.\"

00:48:29.708 --> 00:48:31.250
If I could...

00:48:33.417 --> 00:48:35.542
say one phrase,

00:48:39.833 --> 00:48:41.417
or something,

00:48:45.583 --> 00:48:47.125
I think that...

00:48:51.042 --> 00:48:53.042
it\'s that I trust in life.

00:48:56.583 --> 00:48:58.167
I trust in life.

00:49:02.750 --> 00:49:04.375
And I will keep trusting.

00:49:10.833 --> 00:49:12.333
Okay, okay.

00:49:13.625 --> 00:49:15.333
Okay, thanks.

00:49:16.000 --> 00:49:17.500
That\'s it.

00:49:18.792 --> 00:49:20.292
You can cry.

00:49:22.167 --> 00:49:24.042
You know that it\'s allowed.

00:49:26.542 --> 00:49:30.167
I\'d stay and chat all afternoon,
but I have to get to work.

00:49:35.125 --> 00:49:37.458
I\'m just really, really inexpressive.

00:49:41.750 --> 00:49:43.500
People always say.

00:49:49.750 --> 00:49:52.250
-Thank you so much.
-Thank you.

00:49:52.833 --> 00:49:54.458
I have to take this off.

00:49:59.583 --> 00:50:01.417
Yes, I wanted...

00:50:02.375 --> 00:50:05.667
to idealise the end of the therapy,

00:50:05.750 --> 00:50:07.375
of the workshop.

00:50:07.958 --> 00:50:10.417
This ends with a big sun...

00:50:11.083 --> 00:50:14.125
that\'s it, it\'s over,
look how far I\'ve come.

00:50:14.333 --> 00:50:17.458
I went to take the photo
and there were always clouds.

00:50:17.875 --> 00:50:20.792
And then I understood:
this doesn\'t end here.

00:50:20.958 --> 00:50:23.375
This has helped me so much,

00:50:23.458 --> 00:50:25.208
and it\'s like a trampoline

00:50:25.375 --> 00:50:28.625
that has helped me to find the way,
given me the tools,

00:50:28.792 --> 00:50:30.792
but there will be bumps in the road.

00:50:30.875 --> 00:50:35.417
At least I know how to do it now,
and where to go to ask for help.

00:50:36.375 --> 00:50:40.417
Those clouds will appear,
then the sun, then the clouds again.

00:50:41.042 --> 00:50:43.333
I learnt that in the last photo.