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(no audio)

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(no audio)

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- My name is Deborah Simon

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and I am a combat vet from Iraq.

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Music means so much

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and it's done so much for me,

00:00:37.200 --> 00:00:41.403
for my soul, for my
spirituality, for my being.

00:00:42.240 --> 00:00:45.120
And the therapy that I got here

00:00:45.120 --> 00:00:48.360
was so, oh my God, so lifting.

00:00:48.360 --> 00:00:50.580
There was times that I didn't sleep.

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I couldn't sleep.

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Me struggling with life,

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trying to reintegrate myself into society.

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I didn't know where to go, what to do.

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And when I'm feeling zoned out,

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I come here and play the
xylophone and the wing

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and the melody just takes you off

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into another whole new world.

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(pensive music)

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(pensive music)

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(pensive music continues)

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(pensive music continues)

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(pensive music continues)

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(pensive music continues)

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(pensive music continues)

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(pensive music continues)

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(pensive music)
(text whooshing)

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- My name is Samuel Wansley.

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Well, I hate to say the word combat,

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but combat veteran, Korean War.

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But I've always been around
music since I was a little boy,

00:03:06.330 --> 00:03:07.860
a little child.

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First I used to sing overseas a lot.

00:03:09.900 --> 00:03:12.450
We used to sing a lot of jazz pieces.

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We had a group overseas

00:03:13.560 --> 00:03:16.320
who sang for the soldiers
when they felt bad.

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When I used to feel sad and whatnot.

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I used to play music
or listen to some music

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that'd make me calm down.

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So actually I was really doing therapeutic

00:03:24.690 --> 00:03:27.540
with music myself without
even knowing about it.

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- I was in the army,
three tours of Vietnam.

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And when I came back, basically,
I was pretty well muddled

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and confused because there was
a lot going on in our country

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that was contrary to what
we felt that we experienced,

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and it was pretty
disorienting to find a place

00:03:45.330 --> 00:03:47.973
or a niche where you
really belonged in society.

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I found a way to bury it.

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But I thought I was bury
it and I really wasn't.

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- When you go in the military,

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you're trained a certain way.

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But when you come back home,

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they don't train you to come back home.

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Coming up here is retraining
me with the music,

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and that's what I have to use,

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because if I do something physical,

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I get into that mode.

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When I do music, it keeps
me away from that mode.

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- The hardest thing was being
a female coming back home,

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all the women were in the shadows,

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and they never talk
about their experience.

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(pensive music)

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(pensive music continues)

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I try to walk a lot simply

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because a lot of the injuries
that I sustained in Iraq

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would cause me, if I
don't, I'd be in a walker.

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I would be walking with a walker.

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And sometimes it gets me that I need it

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and sometimes, you know, I
just have to deal with it.

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I went away in 2004

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and didn't come back until 2008.

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And so much has changed in that time

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and for a while I felt a
stranger in my own town.

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But then, you know, my
parents are not here anymore.

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They died say a year
after, or a little, yeah,

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about a year after I came back from Iraq.

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So everything was slowly dwindling away.

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And I wanted to hang on to
whatever I could hang on to.

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(pensive music)

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Hi, Shirley. Yeah, how you doing?

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I was asking Peachy you the other day.

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- And don't tell her you seen me smokin'.

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(Deborah laughing)

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- Did you put in for the 9/11 stuff?

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- No, not yet.
- You should.

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- 'Cause I think I'm too far from it.

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They said south. I'm-
- No, no.

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It encompassed all of this.
- What's that street-

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- They've moved it all
the way up to 23rd Street.

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Now you gotta remember,
we smelled all of that-

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- And all of this happened to me after it.

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- Yeah.
- '05 and '09.

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- Yeah, and all of us affected, yeah, so-

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- You affected by it too?

00:06:23.370 --> 00:06:26.043
- Well, I got asthma
because I worked down there.

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(pensive music)

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Oh, wow, that was one of the most

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painfulest, powerless...

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I remember going, taking my
son, my grandson to school,

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and I heard this loud crash.

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The ground shook the building shook.

00:06:45.720 --> 00:06:46.890
So we ran downstairs

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and when we ran downstairs,
the second plane hit

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and the building collapsed
in front of our eyes.

00:06:52.410 --> 00:06:54.230
It was, oh my God, it was...

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(pensive music)

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We had to live through it, you know,

00:07:02.670 --> 00:07:05.400
and a lot of us who were
affected by it didn't go

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for any counseling or anything.

00:07:07.710 --> 00:07:10.230
And then I worked down
there being in the military

00:07:10.230 --> 00:07:15.120
for about six months or so,
which was very devastating.

00:07:15.120 --> 00:07:19.290
You don't realize how much it affects you

00:07:19.290 --> 00:07:21.843
until you go to Iraq, when I went to war.

00:07:23.880 --> 00:07:25.920
I joined the military

00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:29.430
because I wanted my sons
to get in the military.

00:07:29.430 --> 00:07:33.360
So (chuckles) I joined the
military at a late age.

00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:36.510
Who would ever think that
I would be doing 9/11

00:07:36.510 --> 00:07:38.430
and even going to war?

00:07:38.430 --> 00:07:40.710
I never thought about going to no war.

00:07:40.710 --> 00:07:41.943
I'm in the reserve.

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(pensive music)

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My son, he was hurt,

00:07:49.170 --> 00:07:52.230
because I came back as a different person,

00:07:52.230 --> 00:07:56.110
and I'm still trying to
reorganize myself, you know,

00:07:56.110 --> 00:07:57.627
the stuff that we seen, that I seen,

00:07:57.627 --> 00:07:59.713
the stuff that I went through.

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I just didn't wanna go there.

00:08:03.756 --> 00:08:06.423
(pensive music)

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(birds chirping)

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- Sunday, 08:00 PM, 72
hours after surgery,

00:08:17.670 --> 00:08:18.570
not breathing well,

00:08:18.570 --> 00:08:20.430
giving you 100% oxygen.

00:08:20.430 --> 00:08:24.000
You're fighting the respirator
and getting too much CO2,

00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.010
so they paralyzed you,

00:08:26.010 --> 00:08:28.260
so you'd stop arguing with the machine.

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Carissa got checked out by the doctors

00:08:30.180 --> 00:08:31.740
to make sure everything was okay.

00:08:31.740 --> 00:08:33.510
Little Ellery Kai was kicking

00:08:33.510 --> 00:08:35.220
and moving her hands and head all around.

00:08:35.220 --> 00:08:36.603
What a cutie patootie.

00:08:37.830 --> 00:08:38.763
As for me,

00:08:42.060 --> 00:08:43.173
my heart is heavy.

00:08:45.540 --> 00:08:47.070
My heart is heavy, Ben.

00:08:47.070 --> 00:08:48.600
I'm on a rollercoaster ride.

00:08:48.600 --> 00:08:51.840
I've been so hopeful and yet so scared.

00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:53.670
The panic feeling just sits on my chest.

00:08:53.670 --> 00:08:54.750
There's nothing to be done.

00:08:54.750 --> 00:08:58.623
Just waiting and hoping
and praying, right there.

00:09:00.510 --> 00:09:02.545
He looked like he had a,

00:09:02.545 --> 00:09:06.090
it was a very round soccer
ball head with purple eyes

00:09:06.090 --> 00:09:10.903
and he was hooked up
to so many machines and

00:09:13.530 --> 00:09:16.943
the doctor told us it
was 100% mortality, 100%,

00:09:17.940 --> 00:09:21.243
but they were wrong. (chuckles)

00:09:22.435 --> 00:09:25.890
(pensive music)

00:09:25.890 --> 00:09:27.363
- Knowing God is real.

00:09:29.820 --> 00:09:32.700
I was about 20.

00:09:32.700 --> 00:09:34.470
I decided to join the Marine Corps

00:09:34.470 --> 00:09:35.763
because, you know,

00:09:36.780 --> 00:09:39.030
life wasn't going exactly
how it was planned.

00:09:39.030 --> 00:09:41.070
I did three deployments
overseas, one combat,

00:09:41.070 --> 00:09:44.760
two UDPs, Unit Deployment Period.

00:09:44.760 --> 00:09:45.930
So I started teaching,

00:09:45.930 --> 00:09:49.500
just helicopter rope
suspension techniques, HRST.

00:09:49.500 --> 00:09:50.520
That's actually the course

00:09:50.520 --> 00:09:52.533
that got me to where I am today.

00:09:53.394 --> 00:09:54.690
(helicopter fluttering)

00:09:54.690 --> 00:09:58.770
In 2006, I was 110 feet
in the air hovering

00:09:58.770 --> 00:10:00.370
over a tarmac

00:10:01.260 --> 00:10:04.230
and I jumped outta the helicopter

00:10:04.230 --> 00:10:07.680
and there was a malfunction of some sort,

00:10:07.680 --> 00:10:09.993
and I just head first into the tarmac.

00:10:11.532 --> 00:10:14.199
(pensive music)

00:10:16.251 --> 00:10:17.880
(machine beeping)

00:10:17.880 --> 00:10:19.650
See, this was my break hand right here.

00:10:19.650 --> 00:10:22.740
See how the scar's right there?
It goes across your chest.

00:10:22.740 --> 00:10:24.240
And I think I had so much momentum

00:10:24.240 --> 00:10:26.010
that when it went taut,

00:10:26.010 --> 00:10:28.140
it just shut, just broke my wrist.

00:10:28.140 --> 00:10:29.370
And I had just enough time

00:10:29.370 --> 00:10:31.530
before I hit the ground
to put this arm up,

00:10:31.530 --> 00:10:34.140
which protected the left
side of my face, my left eye,

00:10:34.140 --> 00:10:35.580
left side, all that.

00:10:35.580 --> 00:10:37.230
I shattered the left forearm

00:10:37.230 --> 00:10:39.600
and I shattered the right
side of my face and lost my...

00:10:39.600 --> 00:10:43.080
I shattered my right orbit and my forehead

00:10:43.080 --> 00:10:44.850
and I lost two parts of my brain:

00:10:44.850 --> 00:10:46.320
a quarter inch of my right frontal lobe

00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:47.980
and all of my pituitary gland

00:10:48.870 --> 00:10:53.310
and I severed the optical nerve and...

00:10:53.310 --> 00:10:55.080
- Yeah.
- That's about it, yeah.

00:10:55.080 --> 00:10:57.240
- You know that phrase, you
know, you live from day to day?

00:10:57.240 --> 00:11:00.420
We were literally living
from minute to minute.

00:11:00.420 --> 00:11:02.700
We didn't know what was gonna happen.

00:11:02.700 --> 00:11:05.823
We believed, we hoped, we
prayed, but we didn't know.

00:11:08.190 --> 00:11:11.160
They came in and checked
on him like every hour.

00:11:11.160 --> 00:11:13.470
And they'd be like, "Ben, squeeze
my hand, squeeze my hand,"

00:11:13.470 --> 00:11:15.240
and, you know, nothing.

00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:18.510
And this was the middle of
the night, like, I dunno,

00:11:18.510 --> 00:11:19.710
four o'clock in the morning maybe,

00:11:19.710 --> 00:11:21.180
or three o'clock in the morning.

00:11:21.180 --> 00:11:22.410
Anyway, the doctor comes in

00:11:22.410 --> 00:11:25.050
and I hear her say, "Ben, squeeze my hand.

00:11:25.050 --> 00:11:27.120
If you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:29.820
And she goes, "Good
job." And I was like...

00:11:29.820 --> 00:11:31.500
- What?
- Oh my God.

00:11:31.500 --> 00:11:33.210
I like jumped out of the chair

00:11:33.210 --> 00:11:35.940
and I ran around to the
corner to where he was

00:11:35.940 --> 00:11:38.670
and she goes, "Ben, your your mom's here.

00:11:38.670 --> 00:11:40.350
If you can hear her,

00:11:40.350 --> 00:11:42.930
if you can hear me,
squeeze your mom's hand."

00:11:42.930 --> 00:11:45.420
Well, both of his arms were broken,

00:11:45.420 --> 00:11:47.280
but I put my hand inside of his hand.

00:11:47.280 --> 00:11:52.280
You can't even begin to
imagine the magical feeling

00:11:52.680 --> 00:11:57.270
of just the slightest little pressure

00:11:57.270 --> 00:11:58.653
when he squeezed my hand.

00:12:00.986 --> 00:12:03.653
(pensive music)

00:12:10.727 --> 00:12:13.477
(pensive music)

00:12:25.080 --> 00:12:27.180
- My job title in the military is known

00:12:27.180 --> 00:12:29.190
as a hospital corpsman.

00:12:29.190 --> 00:12:31.353
So that's the medic for the army.

00:12:32.640 --> 00:12:35.400
And I just recently retired in 2015,

00:12:35.400 --> 00:12:37.233
so that's not too long ago.

00:12:38.610 --> 00:12:40.710
In the 26 years I've been in the service,

00:12:40.710 --> 00:12:43.920
I believe I've been involved
in all the major conflicts

00:12:43.920 --> 00:12:45.873
that we've been engaged with.

00:12:46.895 --> 00:12:49.645
(pensive music)

00:12:52.980 --> 00:12:56.730
In our facility, the
possibility of a service member

00:12:56.730 --> 00:13:01.413
being exposed to a combat
environment is very high.

00:13:02.280 --> 00:13:05.430
My job at the center
is a health technician,

00:13:05.430 --> 00:13:07.950
so I'm the first person
that they're gonna meet.

00:13:07.950 --> 00:13:09.510
I introduce myself

00:13:09.510 --> 00:13:12.600
and I let them know we're
gonna take vital signs.

00:13:12.600 --> 00:13:15.150
And what I offer them is to remind them,

00:13:15.150 --> 00:13:16.683
you are here as a patient.

00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:21.180
On my ID is my rank.

00:13:21.180 --> 00:13:23.910
When the Marines or the sailors see that,

00:13:23.910 --> 00:13:26.850
that's when I tell them, "I
know it's difficult to open up.

00:13:26.850 --> 00:13:30.120
I've been where you've
been. This is our mission.

00:13:30.120 --> 00:13:32.367
Let's talk about your experiences."

00:13:33.823 --> 00:13:36.759
(pensive music)

00:13:36.759 --> 00:13:39.290
♪ Let it be ♪

00:13:39.290 --> 00:13:41.258
♪ Let it be ♪

00:13:41.258 --> 00:13:45.619
♪ Let it be, let it be, let it be ♪

00:13:45.619 --> 00:13:48.750
- You know, the words to the
song actually kinda gives you

00:13:48.750 --> 00:13:52.080
a picture of how life has been for me.

00:13:52.080 --> 00:13:54.930
You know, you go through struggles in life

00:13:54.930 --> 00:13:55.890
and it's hard.

00:13:55.890 --> 00:13:58.260
It just was something about that song

00:13:58.260 --> 00:14:00.150
that really touched me.

00:14:00.150 --> 00:14:02.580
Sometimes you get beat down

00:14:02.580 --> 00:14:05.340
and what you need to do
is just pick up the pieces

00:14:05.340 --> 00:14:06.453
and then move on.

00:14:07.380 --> 00:14:09.750
- [Crew Member] How long you been playing?

00:14:09.750 --> 00:14:13.350
- I stopped 26 years ago
when I joined the service.

00:14:13.350 --> 00:14:15.150
- You self taught-
- I self-taught.

00:14:15.150 --> 00:14:16.830
I was recruited from the Philippines,

00:14:16.830 --> 00:14:19.200
a different route coming into the service.

00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:21.390
So as soon as I joined the service,

00:14:21.390 --> 00:14:23.370
everything shut down, new life.

00:14:23.370 --> 00:14:26.644
And then with Rebecca's help, you know,

00:14:26.644 --> 00:14:28.344
you rediscover tools that existed.

00:14:30.181 --> 00:14:32.931
(pensive music)

00:14:35.310 --> 00:14:38.880
- When I first met him,
he was working with one

00:14:38.880 --> 00:14:41.400
of the patients that I
was actually treating

00:14:41.400 --> 00:14:44.520
and encouraging him to play music.

00:14:44.520 --> 00:14:46.650
He had told me that he in fact did play,

00:14:46.650 --> 00:14:48.573
but he hadn't played in many years.

00:14:49.470 --> 00:14:52.380
Seeing the patients
embrace that creativity

00:14:52.380 --> 00:14:53.790
and that creative expression,

00:14:53.790 --> 00:14:56.160
he was motivated by that

00:14:56.160 --> 00:14:57.217
He said, you know,

00:14:57.217 --> 00:15:01.678
"It's my time to have
my reentry with music.

00:15:01.678 --> 00:15:05.130
(pensive music)

00:15:05.130 --> 00:15:06.330
Music can be used

00:15:06.330 --> 00:15:10.440
to help patients reach goals
in speech language pathology,

00:15:10.440 --> 00:15:14.040
music playing to help activate
bilateral coordination,

00:15:14.040 --> 00:15:15.723
increase a range of motion.

00:15:16.680 --> 00:15:18.780
We assess what their needs are

00:15:18.780 --> 00:15:21.360
and then we use the music to
meet them at that ground level

00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:24.150
and create a treatment path
that makes most sense for them.

00:15:24.150 --> 00:15:26.741
Go higher.
♪ Ah ♪

00:15:26.741 --> 00:15:31.741
- Yes, it has that unique
ability to tap into spirituality,

00:15:32.310 --> 00:15:33.903
to tap into emotion.

00:15:34.789 --> 00:15:39.789
(lively music)
(pensive music)

00:15:40.590 --> 00:15:43.380
The combat veterans of
this era, post-9/11,

00:15:43.380 --> 00:15:45.180
they've been deployed multiple times,

00:15:45.180 --> 00:15:47.043
sometimes for an extended length.

00:15:47.910 --> 00:15:51.180
So we are seeing higher levels
of traumatic brain injury

00:15:51.180 --> 00:15:54.033
and then accompanied with
that, post-traumatic stress.

00:15:55.377 --> 00:15:58.127
(pensive music)

00:16:00.330 --> 00:16:03.300
- [Lito] Service members
wear their uniforms proudly.

00:16:03.300 --> 00:16:05.220
Behind that uniform are things

00:16:05.220 --> 00:16:07.593
that are not really seen by the naked eye.

00:16:09.075 --> 00:16:10.680
(pensive music)

00:16:10.680 --> 00:16:12.180
- I didn't ask initially

00:16:12.180 --> 00:16:13.890
'cause I was like, "We're
just here to play music.

00:16:13.890 --> 00:16:16.110
You know, Lito's a colleague.

00:16:16.110 --> 00:16:18.390
But after a few times
of playing, you know,

00:16:18.390 --> 00:16:21.367
Lito and I just started having
some conversations about

00:16:21.367 --> 00:16:22.833
his history, his service.

00:16:24.360 --> 00:16:27.930
- I think PTSD is not discussed, for one,

00:16:27.930 --> 00:16:31.635
because of the stigma that
if you do talk about PTSD,

00:16:31.635 --> 00:16:34.383
you're looked at as somebody who is weak.

00:16:35.550 --> 00:16:37.320
I am one of those individuals

00:16:37.320 --> 00:16:39.423
who have been diagnosed with PTSD.

00:16:41.370 --> 00:16:44.430
We do provide training to
our younger service members

00:16:44.430 --> 00:16:45.810
on how to deal with PTSD.

00:16:45.810 --> 00:16:50.280
So as a provider, you're teaching
people how to manage this,

00:16:50.280 --> 00:16:51.330
but then you ask the question,

00:16:51.330 --> 00:16:53.193
who's taking care of the provider?

00:16:54.577 --> 00:16:57.327
(pensive music)

00:16:58.530 --> 00:17:01.740
- [Crew Member] How does it
feel when you play? Just asking.

00:17:01.740 --> 00:17:04.380
- Still torn, confused.

00:17:04.380 --> 00:17:06.900
She asked me what was the
inspiration of the song.

00:17:06.900 --> 00:17:09.003
Still couldn't answer her today.

00:17:10.530 --> 00:17:13.390
And I've not set this
side to anybody since...

00:17:15.150 --> 00:17:18.392
(pensive music)

00:17:18.392 --> 00:17:19.225
Sorry.

00:17:22.326 --> 00:17:24.472
(pensive music)

00:17:24.472 --> 00:17:25.374
Excuse me.
- Thank you.

00:17:25.374 --> 00:17:27.054
- You're welcome.
- Sorry.

00:17:27.054 --> 00:17:31.153
- That's okay. (chuckles)

00:17:31.153 --> 00:17:33.286
(pensive music)

00:17:33.286 --> 00:17:36.012
- See you manana.
- Yes.

00:17:36.012 --> 00:17:41.012
(pensive music)
(guitar strums)

00:17:43.380 --> 00:17:46.020
PTSD could be a sight,

00:17:46.020 --> 00:17:48.720
a sound, a smell.

00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:49.590
It could be anything

00:17:49.590 --> 00:17:51.963
that brings back something
very significant.

00:17:53.340 --> 00:17:58.080
I live behind the base here in Oceanside.

00:17:58.080 --> 00:18:02.010
So when they do their artillery
training during the year,

00:18:02.010 --> 00:18:06.420
people hear the explosion,
people hear training.

00:18:06.420 --> 00:18:08.220
What I hear, feel,

00:18:08.220 --> 00:18:12.150
and see that evening
is the desert operation

00:18:12.150 --> 00:18:13.300
that I've been through.

00:18:14.310 --> 00:18:17.397
And I hear air brakes, just
that (mimics air whirring).

00:18:19.590 --> 00:18:24.270
Everybody hears air brakes,
but my brain and my mind hears

00:18:24.270 --> 00:18:28.140
and sees a missile being fired towards

00:18:28.140 --> 00:18:29.733
an enemy combatant.

00:18:30.780 --> 00:18:34.563
So that is PTSD to me.

00:18:37.068 --> 00:18:42.068
(pensive music)
(helicopter fluttering)

00:18:48.360 --> 00:18:52.227
- When you go through those
flashbacks and the PTSD

00:18:52.227 --> 00:18:56.700
and stuff like that, when
you share with people,

00:18:56.700 --> 00:19:01.170
they think you're just so
farfetched and it's painful,

00:19:01.170 --> 00:19:03.300
so I isolate myself

00:19:03.300 --> 00:19:05.970
because I can't share with
you what I'm going through

00:19:05.970 --> 00:19:08.670
because you may not understand
what I'm going through.

00:19:10.852 --> 00:19:13.519
(pensive music)

00:19:16.950 --> 00:19:20.430
The terrain, when you read
about it in the Bible is so,

00:19:20.430 --> 00:19:25.430
it came so real and so to
life, it was, oh my goodness.

00:19:27.720 --> 00:19:31.500
But the devastation of the country was,

00:19:31.500 --> 00:19:34.980
that was a lot to see,
to witness, you know,

00:19:34.980 --> 00:19:36.720
the bombing and the blowing up

00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:39.120
and some of the catastrophic stuff he did

00:19:39.120 --> 00:19:42.333
to the people over there was unreal.

00:19:43.860 --> 00:19:45.453
It was so unreal.

00:19:46.320 --> 00:19:50.370
Oh my god, I remember
them pulling up this tank

00:19:50.370 --> 00:19:54.527
and the smell of it reminded me of 9/11.

00:19:56.393 --> 00:19:57.390
It reminded me of 9/11,

00:19:57.390 --> 00:20:00.930
so you knew it was incinerated bodies.

00:20:00.930 --> 00:20:03.690
- When we talk about triggers in PTSD,

00:20:03.690 --> 00:20:06.030
what happens with the
trigger is that some piece

00:20:06.030 --> 00:20:08.640
of sensory information that is associated

00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:11.160
with that traumatic event,
is something we encounter.

00:20:11.160 --> 00:20:13.860
Like maybe there was a
smell present at a time

00:20:13.860 --> 00:20:15.480
that someone went through a trauma,

00:20:15.480 --> 00:20:18.960
so they could walk into a
building and smell that smell

00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:21.737
and their body will just say, oh,

00:20:21.737 --> 00:20:23.550
this smell is associated with trauma,

00:20:23.550 --> 00:20:25.230
and it will immediately kick in that fight

00:20:25.230 --> 00:20:26.700
or flight response

00:20:26.700 --> 00:20:27.900
and completely make them feel

00:20:27.900 --> 00:20:30.030
like they're reliving the trauma.

00:20:30.030 --> 00:20:32.070
So one of the things that
makes it very hard for a person

00:20:32.070 --> 00:20:33.780
to start talking about a trauma

00:20:33.780 --> 00:20:35.400
is that the body will just throw up

00:20:35.400 --> 00:20:39.270
that same physiological
response, the same memories,

00:20:39.270 --> 00:20:42.390
and it's just, it's
such an intense chemical

00:20:42.390 --> 00:20:44.010
and physiological experience

00:20:44.010 --> 00:20:46.530
that one feels like they
are immediately back

00:20:46.530 --> 00:20:48.090
in that experience.

00:20:48.090 --> 00:20:50.010
So asking them to reconnect with it,

00:20:50.010 --> 00:20:52.590
either through sensory
things that remind them

00:20:52.590 --> 00:20:54.600
or through just going
through and talking about it

00:20:54.600 --> 00:20:56.673
can really re-traumatize a person.

00:20:57.804 --> 00:21:00.554
(pensive music)

00:21:03.870 --> 00:21:05.730
Vocal toning stimulates the vagus nerve,

00:21:05.730 --> 00:21:07.290
which is in the side of the neck,

00:21:07.290 --> 00:21:10.320
which is responsible for how active

00:21:10.320 --> 00:21:12.930
or how relaxed our nervous system is.

00:21:12.930 --> 00:21:16.050
So it gives us a direct
pathway to relaxing.

00:21:16.050 --> 00:21:18.360
it's like giving it a
gentle vibrational massage,

00:21:18.360 --> 00:21:20.850
kind of telling the
nervous system to calm.

00:21:20.850 --> 00:21:24.420
Think of this more for the sensation

00:21:24.420 --> 00:21:25.380
that the sound gives you.

00:21:25.380 --> 00:21:27.390
Like you're giving yourself
a little internal massage

00:21:27.390 --> 00:21:30.390
with your voice rather than
producing a particular sound.

00:21:30.390 --> 00:21:34.535
It does not need to be
loud, it's really for you.

00:21:34.535 --> 00:21:35.430
And to get us started,

00:21:35.430 --> 00:21:36.930
see if you can bring your awareness right

00:21:36.930 --> 00:21:39.060
into the center of your chest.

00:21:39.060 --> 00:21:41.190
You should be able to
actually feel vibration

00:21:41.190 --> 00:21:42.023
from your voice there,

00:21:42.023 --> 00:21:44.720
so it's a nice place to start
connecting with the tone.

00:21:46.922 --> 00:21:51.922
(Julie humming)
(pensive music)

00:21:56.610 --> 00:22:00.060
So just bring your awareness
up to the top of your head

00:22:00.060 --> 00:22:01.830
and we're just gonna gently tone in there

00:22:01.830 --> 00:22:05.040
and just kind of invite
that area to relax,

00:22:05.040 --> 00:22:07.080
feel a sense of it sort of opening up

00:22:07.080 --> 00:22:08.913
and releasing and expanding.

00:22:12.092 --> 00:22:17.092
(Julie humming)
(pensive music)

00:22:24.360 --> 00:22:28.680
Just feel that gentle sense
of expansion in your throat,

00:22:28.680 --> 00:22:31.263
your neck muscles relaxing.

00:22:33.750 --> 00:22:36.693
Your head feels lighter on your neck now.

00:22:38.532 --> 00:22:43.532
(Deborah humming)
(Julie humming)

00:22:43.710 --> 00:22:45.640
- My husband was a Vietnam vet

00:22:46.860 --> 00:22:50.760
and never got the support that he needed.

00:22:50.760 --> 00:22:54.390
So a lot of the vet grieve in silence

00:22:54.390 --> 00:22:58.920
and never talked about it or
they act out and their wives

00:22:58.920 --> 00:23:02.610
or spouses didn't understand
what was going on.

00:23:02.610 --> 00:23:05.190
He died of Agent Orange

00:23:05.190 --> 00:23:08.820
and it took me 40 years to understand

00:23:08.820 --> 00:23:11.458
what he was going through.

00:23:11.458 --> 00:23:14.208
(pensive music)

00:23:15.950 --> 00:23:18.240
- My first memory after
I got outta the hospital

00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:20.370
was my daughter's birth,
which was like a couple months

00:23:20.370 --> 00:23:22.470
after I got out, I had to go back.

00:23:22.470 --> 00:23:24.000
And I remember walking down the hallway

00:23:24.000 --> 00:23:26.010
and these two doctors
were like, "Oh my God,

00:23:26.010 --> 00:23:27.960
you're alive," blah, blah, blah.

00:23:27.960 --> 00:23:30.570
And I was like, "Yeah." (chuckles)

00:23:30.570 --> 00:23:32.643
It's amazing. I didn't know.

00:23:34.080 --> 00:23:36.810
- [Lisa] He was in ICU
for a really long time

00:23:36.810 --> 00:23:39.660
and then they moved him out to rehab

00:23:39.660 --> 00:23:41.400
and then he went into
some brain injury places,

00:23:41.400 --> 00:23:43.030
so it was years of this

00:23:44.910 --> 00:23:47.010
- And I remember them teaching people how

00:23:47.010 --> 00:23:49.020
to do the most simplest

00:23:49.020 --> 00:23:51.900
of tasks, from brushing your teeth

00:23:51.900 --> 00:23:53.760
to using the toilet, all that stuff.

00:23:53.760 --> 00:23:57.942
And I remember being like,
"I really am that messed up

00:23:57.942 --> 00:23:59.992
that I have to be with all these people."

00:24:01.890 --> 00:24:05.100
- He was so depressed and-
- Irritated.

00:24:05.100 --> 00:24:09.690
- Yeah, he just was kinda
getting through a day, you know.

00:24:09.690 --> 00:24:12.243
But then we met Rebecca,

00:24:13.920 --> 00:24:17.160
I remember going to learning services

00:24:17.160 --> 00:24:21.390
and there's Rebecca on
the floor with her guitar.

00:24:21.390 --> 00:24:24.180
And he's sitting in a chair
and she's playing music

00:24:24.180 --> 00:24:26.520
and then they'd stop and
then play and then stop.

00:24:26.520 --> 00:24:28.173
They were writing a song.

00:24:29.970 --> 00:24:33.960
- I met Ben about two and
a half years post-injury.

00:24:33.960 --> 00:24:35.970
So we might think like that's, you know,

00:24:35.970 --> 00:24:37.230
a later part of recovery,

00:24:37.230 --> 00:24:39.210
but for such a catastrophic injury,

00:24:39.210 --> 00:24:43.113
that was actually considered
an early part of his recovery.

00:24:44.430 --> 00:24:47.190
He was actually the first service
member I ever worked with.

00:24:47.190 --> 00:24:49.680
So he was my entry into what it was like

00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:50.820
to work with service members

00:24:50.820 --> 00:24:53.160
and he was my inspiration
to why I actually made

00:24:53.160 --> 00:24:54.363
that full-time.

00:24:56.430 --> 00:24:58.110
Ben and I struggled a
little bit at the beginning

00:24:58.110 --> 00:24:59.400
of his music therapy treatment

00:24:59.400 --> 00:25:02.550
because the things he wanted
to do weren't working for him.

00:25:02.550 --> 00:25:04.410
So for example, his
first thing is he wanted

00:25:04.410 --> 00:25:05.490
to play the piano.

00:25:05.490 --> 00:25:07.110
So using adapted methods,

00:25:07.110 --> 00:25:09.540
putting different textures on
the keys so he could feel it

00:25:09.540 --> 00:25:11.880
because he didn't have
the visual capacity.

00:25:11.880 --> 00:25:13.380
He's legally blind.

00:25:13.380 --> 00:25:15.840
And so it was very
frustrating for him to have

00:25:15.840 --> 00:25:16.980
to make those adaptations,

00:25:16.980 --> 00:25:18.990
and then when those
adaptations didn't work,

00:25:18.990 --> 00:25:21.810
that was like another
level of frustration.

00:25:21.810 --> 00:25:24.150
- I said, "I don't wanna stop this.

00:25:24.150 --> 00:25:26.190
I wanna learn about music.

00:25:26.190 --> 00:25:27.850
Because she played a
song that she had wrote

00:25:27.850 --> 00:25:29.581
and I was like, "You wrote that song?"

00:25:29.581 --> 00:25:30.414
She was like, "Yeah," I was like,

00:25:30.414 --> 00:25:32.042
"Can you teach me how to write?

00:25:32.042 --> 00:25:36.042
'Cause I can sing. Teach me how to write.

00:25:36.042 --> 00:25:37.830
(pensive music)

00:25:37.830 --> 00:25:40.590
- He really embraced songwriting a lot

00:25:40.590 --> 00:25:42.630
because it put your mind in action,

00:25:42.630 --> 00:25:44.220
so you had to sequence thoughts.

00:25:44.220 --> 00:25:45.990
You had to make associations

00:25:45.990 --> 00:25:48.210
or remember certain
things in certain times,

00:25:48.210 --> 00:25:51.420
but also you were able to express those.

00:25:51.420 --> 00:25:52.800
So it gave you a mental

00:25:52.800 --> 00:25:57.033
and neurological plus that
very emotional component to it.

00:25:58.070 --> 00:26:00.720
And this is how music
is impacting the brain

00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:04.020
and changing it at a structural,
also neurochemical level.

00:26:04.020 --> 00:26:07.080
And these are actually the new
pathways that have been made.

00:26:07.080 --> 00:26:10.590
- And it was so transformational
for him to be able

00:26:10.590 --> 00:26:14.400
to finally express the grief that he felt

00:26:14.400 --> 00:26:17.313
for losing the life that he no longer has.

00:26:18.435 --> 00:26:21.102
(pensive music)

00:26:26.473 --> 00:26:29.056
(gentle music)

00:26:30.043 --> 00:26:35.043
♪ When you try your best
but you don't succeed ♪

00:26:37.766 --> 00:26:39.790
♪ When you get what you want ♪

00:26:39.790 --> 00:26:44.790
♪ But not what you need ♪

00:26:45.329 --> 00:26:50.329
♪ When you feel so tired,
but you can't sleep ♪

00:26:52.356 --> 00:26:55.273
♪ Stuck in reverse ♪

00:26:58.020 --> 00:27:02.850
- So imagine you flying
from a foreign country

00:27:02.850 --> 00:27:04.410
joining the service.

00:27:04.410 --> 00:27:06.120
You land in San Diego.

00:27:06.120 --> 00:27:10.350
You get introduced to
bootcamp, Navy bootcamp,

00:27:10.350 --> 00:27:14.220
and you're, from the very
beginning, exposed to stressors.

00:27:14.220 --> 00:27:17.010
Whether it's getting woken
up early in the morning,

00:27:17.010 --> 00:27:18.870
constantly getting yelled at.

00:27:18.870 --> 00:27:22.530
Every mistake is awarded with some type

00:27:22.530 --> 00:27:26.130
of physical training, right?

00:27:26.130 --> 00:27:28.020
And you cannot tell me that

00:27:28.020 --> 00:27:30.303
that does not expose you to trauma.

00:27:32.904 --> 00:27:36.654
♪ Lights will guide you home ♪

00:27:39.780 --> 00:27:44.100
One year later, I am
deployed to Desert Storm,

00:27:44.100 --> 00:27:46.350
Frontline Combat Zone.

00:27:46.350 --> 00:27:47.340
We've lost Marines

00:27:47.340 --> 00:27:49.623
and really didn't think anything about it.

00:27:50.940 --> 00:27:53.070
So when I came back to the States,

00:27:53.070 --> 00:27:57.393
there was no time for the
mourning, the processing.

00:27:58.500 --> 00:28:01.380
The same week I arrive in the States,

00:28:01.380 --> 00:28:04.080
my wife flies from the
Philippines to join me

00:28:04.080 --> 00:28:07.623
and we start our family, our
life as a married couple.

00:28:08.589 --> 00:28:13.387
♪ To let it go. ♪

00:28:13.387 --> 00:28:16.650
♪ But if you never try, you never know ♪

00:28:16.650 --> 00:28:21.650
Then of course our children
are brought into this world

00:28:21.810 --> 00:28:23.640
and now I'm thinking, you know,

00:28:23.640 --> 00:28:26.160
their upbringing was based on, you know,

00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:28.890
a strict background from my culture.

00:28:28.890 --> 00:28:30.993
That's how we discipline our children.

00:28:32.130 --> 00:28:34.390
And again, just very recently realized

00:28:35.610 --> 00:28:39.672
it's mostly influenced by PTSD.

00:28:39.672 --> 00:28:43.590
♪ Ignite your bones ♪
- How we survived

00:28:43.590 --> 00:28:48.590
a healthy marriage and a healthy family,

00:28:48.840 --> 00:28:50.520
I really owe it to my wife

00:28:50.520 --> 00:28:54.090
and my children for them understanding

00:28:54.090 --> 00:28:56.133
what I had to go through.

00:28:58.140 --> 00:28:59.280
Throughout my career,

00:28:59.280 --> 00:29:02.970
I think my children have seen me only

00:29:02.970 --> 00:29:04.833
maybe four times in uniform.

00:29:05.850 --> 00:29:09.693
Now I'm actually thinking back going,

00:29:10.710 --> 00:29:13.563
it must have been a
difficult childhood for them.

00:29:14.973 --> 00:29:17.760
♪ Replace ♪

00:29:17.760 --> 00:29:21.720
I'm now being reintroduced
to the person I was

00:29:21.720 --> 00:29:23.313
before the military.

00:29:24.690 --> 00:29:27.630
And, you know, of course
in order to play music,

00:29:27.630 --> 00:29:31.293
you have to evoke emotion, right?

00:29:32.670 --> 00:29:34.980
Now I'm realizing I cannot cope

00:29:34.980 --> 00:29:39.153
with the emotions that
comes with that person.

00:29:42.180 --> 00:29:46.620
So Saturday, I performed
for this organization

00:29:46.620 --> 00:29:51.363
and the performance went as bad
as you can imagine it to be.

00:29:55.290 --> 00:29:58.140
I came home thinking that I would give up

00:29:58.140 --> 00:29:59.613
playing the guitar.

00:30:03.403 --> 00:30:06.653
(gentle guitar music)

00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:18.510
My notes were wrong, my
guitar was out of tune

00:30:18.510 --> 00:30:22.083
and my hands were just frozen.

00:30:23.490 --> 00:30:25.140
And when I stop playing,

00:30:25.140 --> 00:30:28.800
it's not because I'm
stopping so I can reset.

00:30:28.800 --> 00:30:32.370
I'm stopping because I
literally cannot continue

00:30:32.370 --> 00:30:33.873
with playing the instrument.

00:30:36.780 --> 00:30:38.880
When you're fearing something,

00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:41.193
you start to question your abilities.

00:30:43.590 --> 00:30:46.080
I think that's what pushes people

00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:49.620
to the edge and say why continue to exist

00:30:49.620 --> 00:30:52.533
when there's no reason for me to exist?

00:30:55.146 --> 00:30:57.813
(pensive music)

00:31:02.770 --> 00:31:05.353
(lively music)

00:31:13.449 --> 00:31:16.866
(lively music continues)

00:31:24.783 --> 00:31:28.200
(lively music continues)

00:31:33.411 --> 00:31:36.828
(lively music continues)

00:31:39.420 --> 00:31:41.043
- Usually groups like these,

00:31:42.420 --> 00:31:46.380
I monitor them,

00:31:46.380 --> 00:31:51.380
but I don't like being in
them for a lot of reasons.

00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:54.930
I had a doctor at the VA

00:31:54.930 --> 00:31:57.240
that was very concerned about me.

00:31:57.240 --> 00:32:00.810
He noticed that socially I was isolated.

00:32:00.810 --> 00:32:05.460
And even though I had joined
the veterans group hoping

00:32:05.460 --> 00:32:10.170
that I would find comradery,
I still don't feel that.

00:32:10.170 --> 00:32:12.300
And I don't blame the guys that I'm with.

00:32:12.300 --> 00:32:15.480
It may be a self-protective thing for me,

00:32:15.480 --> 00:32:19.830
because I seen too many of my friends,

00:32:19.830 --> 00:32:21.243
you know, get zapped.

00:32:22.320 --> 00:32:24.510
And I was always fascinated

00:32:24.510 --> 00:32:29.510
by the sax and I started
playing it, I liked it.

00:32:29.550 --> 00:32:32.850
I had to make a change
because I'm right-handed

00:32:32.850 --> 00:32:35.040
and you know, as a saxophonist,

00:32:35.040 --> 00:32:38.970
you gotta get some connections
going in your right brain

00:32:38.970 --> 00:32:41.220
to get the coordination for your left hand

00:32:41.220 --> 00:32:43.803
to play it properly, which is a challenge

00:32:43.803 --> 00:32:45.810
that I'm still dealing with.

00:32:45.810 --> 00:32:48.873
But it's a positive, healthy thing.

00:32:50.910 --> 00:32:54.450
- Having a traumatic brain
injury makes it difficult for me

00:32:54.450 --> 00:32:56.640
to get some words,

00:32:56.640 --> 00:32:58.890
to try to find the right
words half the time.

00:32:58.890 --> 00:33:03.450
And the music has helped me
drastically in finding words.

00:33:03.450 --> 00:33:05.272
Sometimes they come out

00:33:05.272 --> 00:33:06.690
and I don't even know if
I'm saying it correctly

00:33:06.690 --> 00:33:10.230
because I don't know where
that information came from,

00:33:10.230 --> 00:33:13.440
but since I started taking music

00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:17.463
and made it a, you know,
steady part of my life,

00:33:20.550 --> 00:33:21.620
I just can't...

00:33:22.974 --> 00:33:24.074
It just keeps me going

00:33:25.716 --> 00:33:28.713
and it's my medicine basically.

00:33:30.090 --> 00:33:31.950
- Music is the best teacher.

00:33:31.950 --> 00:33:35.230
It actually slows you down

00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:40.853
and has you flowing through life.

00:33:40.853 --> 00:33:41.700
And that's the best thing

00:33:41.700 --> 00:33:44.550
because that's what my doctor did with me.

00:33:44.550 --> 00:33:46.140
She brought me here. I have TBIs.

00:33:46.140 --> 00:33:47.940
I have a traumatic brain injury.

00:33:47.940 --> 00:33:49.590
She sent me up here

00:33:49.590 --> 00:33:53.370
because she tried everything,
volunteered this, do that.

00:33:53.370 --> 00:33:54.840
Everything motivated me.

00:33:54.840 --> 00:33:56.910
And if you don't train me to come back

00:33:56.910 --> 00:33:58.443
and get that outta my system,

00:33:59.280 --> 00:34:01.160
it's always gonna be in there.

00:34:01.160 --> 00:34:03.661
- Guys, you wanna do it.
Let's start with an intro.

00:34:03.661 --> 00:34:05.658
One, two, three, four.

00:34:05.658 --> 00:34:09.309
♪ Jammin' on the corner in
the middle of the night ♪

00:34:09.309 --> 00:34:13.219
♪ Jammin' on the corner in
the middle of the night ♪

00:34:13.219 --> 00:34:16.776
♪ Jammin on the corner in
the middle of the night ♪

00:34:16.776 --> 00:34:19.849
♪ Jammin on the corner in
the middle of the night ♪

00:34:19.849 --> 00:34:21.948
♪ Middle of the ♪
♪ Just playing music ♪

00:34:21.948 --> 00:34:24.284
♪ With my friends by my side ♪

00:34:24.284 --> 00:34:27.540
♪ The corner's our stage
and it don't cost a dime ♪

00:34:27.540 --> 00:34:29.370
- So that's what makes me feel good

00:34:29.370 --> 00:34:31.320
when I'm around these guys

00:34:31.320 --> 00:34:32.853
because we all military.

00:34:34.380 --> 00:34:37.563
None of 'em sits up here and talk war.

00:34:38.790 --> 00:34:40.290
And that's what keeps us away

00:34:40.290 --> 00:34:42.543
from talking about the darkness.

00:34:43.530 --> 00:34:44.880
All this is music.
- Nice.

00:34:46.756 --> 00:34:47.719
Huh.

00:34:47.719 --> 00:34:50.302
(lively music)

00:34:51.146 --> 00:34:55.186
♪ Jammin' on the corner in
the middle of the night ♪

00:34:55.186 --> 00:34:58.937
♪ Jammin on the corner in
the middle of the night ♪

00:34:58.937 --> 00:35:02.760
♪ Jammin' on the corner in
the middle of the night ♪

00:35:02.760 --> 00:35:06.060
♪ Jammin' on the corner in
the middle of the night ♪

00:35:06.060 --> 00:35:10.100
♪ With nowhere to go and nowhere to dine ♪

00:35:10.100 --> 00:35:14.797
♪ Me and my friends are
just havin' a good time ♪

00:35:14.797 --> 00:35:17.323
(lively music)

00:35:17.323 --> 00:35:21.840
- I think music therapy is
like the modality for trauma.

00:35:21.840 --> 00:35:23.820
You can be expressing yourself

00:35:23.820 --> 00:35:25.140
through music at the same time

00:35:25.140 --> 00:35:27.360
that you're feeling the
impact it's having on the body

00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:29.820
and, you know, we can go
right into the nervous system

00:35:29.820 --> 00:35:32.880
and kinda get at that
nervous system hyper-arousal

00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:35.340
that's really the hallmark of PTSD.

00:35:35.340 --> 00:35:37.170
But it's approachable and it's relaxing

00:35:37.170 --> 00:35:38.910
and it doesn't involve taking someone back

00:35:38.910 --> 00:35:42.033
into their trauma in order
to release that trauma.

00:35:42.923 --> 00:35:45.590
(lively music)

00:35:50.550 --> 00:35:52.890
- Music and art and dance, you know,

00:35:52.890 --> 00:35:57.210
you can't get to a product
without going through a process.

00:35:57.210 --> 00:36:00.240
Performing is extremely powerful

00:36:00.240 --> 00:36:02.850
and extremely transformative.

00:36:02.850 --> 00:36:04.347
Why they're singing what they're singing

00:36:04.347 --> 00:36:06.480
and what this is doing for them

00:36:06.480 --> 00:36:09.630
and how this is impacting them
more than just breath coming

00:36:09.630 --> 00:36:11.670
through your vocal
apparatus to create sound.

00:36:11.670 --> 00:36:15.213
You're creating words and
those words have purpose.

00:36:16.662 --> 00:36:18.630
- (indistinct) Take one.

00:36:18.630 --> 00:36:20.340
- Alright, so-
- So the beginning

00:36:20.340 --> 00:36:23.133
of this song.
- Is a little sullen.

00:36:24.300 --> 00:36:25.950
I don't want the whole song to be sullen,

00:36:25.950 --> 00:36:30.150
but just the intro just to
give the listener the idea of,

00:36:30.150 --> 00:36:34.530
okay, this is not a joyous
time that she was born in,

00:36:34.530 --> 00:36:36.390
even though it turned out being joyous.

00:36:36.390 --> 00:36:37.440
It was not at first

00:36:37.440 --> 00:36:39.817
'cause everybody thought
I was dead on the bed.

00:36:40.890 --> 00:36:42.289
- And they were saying that?

00:36:42.289 --> 00:36:43.530
They kept on that?
- They kept telling us

00:36:43.530 --> 00:36:45.360
there's zero chance of survival for you.

00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:48.330
- So this is kind of a song
where we start somewhere

00:36:48.330 --> 00:36:50.430
that's darker and maybe work toward light,

00:36:50.430 --> 00:36:52.170
and so we wanna reflect that in the music?

00:36:52.170 --> 00:36:53.340
- Exactly.
- So if we had our,

00:36:53.340 --> 00:36:57.810
we have our chords picked out,
so how would you recommend,

00:36:57.810 --> 00:37:00.900
or how do you feel that this is-

00:37:00.900 --> 00:37:02.490
- It'd be in a lower cord.

00:37:02.490 --> 00:37:05.730
Starting in a lower cord
and working our way back up.

00:37:05.730 --> 00:37:07.421
- So like with your tone?

00:37:07.421 --> 00:37:09.147
- Yeah.
- So like,

00:37:09.147 --> 00:37:13.596
♪ She ♪
♪ She was born on an island ♪

00:37:13.596 --> 00:37:16.327
♪ During the time when ♪

00:37:16.327 --> 00:37:20.578
♪ Her daddy was thought to be dying ♪

00:37:20.578 --> 00:37:21.965
- Yeah, so you kinda have like that-

00:37:21.965 --> 00:37:23.882
- Yeah.
- Lower, basey.

00:37:25.092 --> 00:37:27.980
♪ She slower on an island ♪

00:37:27.980 --> 00:37:29.527
- And you kinda go down there

00:37:29.527 --> 00:37:32.001
♪ During the time when ♪

00:37:32.001 --> 00:37:36.757
♪ Her daddy was thought to be dying ♪

00:37:36.757 --> 00:37:41.351
♪ But you know for her I'll always ♪

00:37:41.351 --> 00:37:44.159
♪ Keep on trying ♪

00:37:44.159 --> 00:37:46.527
♪ Keep on trying ♪

00:37:46.527 --> 00:37:49.530
She was born two months after
I got outta the hospital.

00:37:49.530 --> 00:37:51.243
So we grew up together.

00:37:52.410 --> 00:37:53.700
- Well, I remember being really little

00:37:53.700 --> 00:37:55.710
and I remember getting
the CDs on my birthday

00:37:55.710 --> 00:37:57.057
and I loved listening to them.

00:37:57.057 --> 00:37:59.430
And I got this CD player
for Christmas once

00:37:59.430 --> 00:38:01.860
and I think I like broke it almost

00:38:01.860 --> 00:38:03.723
because I used it so much.

00:38:05.114 --> 00:38:06.150
- Now this is like the second

00:38:06.150 --> 00:38:08.070
or third verse, I can't remember.

00:38:08.070 --> 00:38:09.636
It starts like this.

00:38:09.636 --> 00:38:14.484
♪ One of my favorite things about you ♪

00:38:14.484 --> 00:38:17.524
♪ Is your personality ♪

00:38:17.524 --> 00:38:21.278
♪ It's so cute ♪

00:38:21.278 --> 00:38:23.161
♪ And how ♪

00:38:23.161 --> 00:38:25.831
♪ You shake your head ♪

00:38:25.831 --> 00:38:28.772
♪ When you're speaking to me ♪

00:38:28.772 --> 00:38:32.830
♪ And say, Daddy, you're so silly ♪

00:38:32.830 --> 00:38:36.193
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doot, doo, doot, do, doot ♪

00:38:36.193 --> 00:38:38.610
- He was going through such
an intense rehabilitation

00:38:38.610 --> 00:38:40.800
that he wasn't able to
give a lot to them of

00:38:40.800 --> 00:38:43.710
what he would expect he
should provide for his family,

00:38:43.710 --> 00:38:46.290
but he was able to provide
pieces of his heart

00:38:46.290 --> 00:38:49.800
and soul into these songs for them.

00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:52.620
And you can see based on the
time that he wrote the song,

00:38:52.620 --> 00:38:54.150
the different things that
he was going through,

00:38:54.150 --> 00:38:55.950
and you could actually track the progress

00:38:55.950 --> 00:38:59.643
of his rehabilitation through
the songs that he wrote.

00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:02.060
- [Cory] And then a C.

00:39:03.845 --> 00:39:06.678
(spirited music)

00:39:10.350 --> 00:39:11.183
The idea?
- Yeah.

00:39:11.183 --> 00:39:12.016
That's the whole structure. Yeah.

00:39:12.016 --> 00:39:14.160
- [Cory] Perfect, perfect,
so let's get this down.

00:39:14.160 --> 00:39:16.200
- Would you like to see if we can't...

00:39:16.200 --> 00:39:18.454
I'll play it on piano and-
- Yeah, no, totally-

00:39:18.454 --> 00:39:19.874
- You guys-
- Lead and-

00:39:19.874 --> 00:39:21.180
- Listen-
- Like we did. Yeah.

00:39:21.180 --> 00:39:23.220
- We'll get there.
- Absolutely.

00:39:23.220 --> 00:39:25.050
- And we're gonna loop it just like we do

00:39:25.050 --> 00:39:26.040
with any other song.

00:39:26.040 --> 00:39:28.517
So I'm just gonna keep
playing the same thing-

00:39:28.517 --> 00:39:30.360
- Until we get it.
- Until we lock. Okay?

00:39:30.360 --> 00:39:33.153
Here we go. From the top at the C.

00:39:34.047 --> 00:39:36.880
(spirited music)

00:39:45.690 --> 00:39:50.100
I took this lyrically
through the range of emotions

00:39:50.100 --> 00:39:54.360
and I hope by the end of
it people are resolved

00:39:54.360 --> 00:39:57.360
to working together because
our world's pretty chaotic.

00:39:57.360 --> 00:39:59.640
And this song is very personal to me,

00:39:59.640 --> 00:40:00.960
not just because I wrote it,

00:40:00.960 --> 00:40:04.200
but because they represent experiences

00:40:04.200 --> 00:40:06.960
that I've gone through

00:40:06.960 --> 00:40:10.080
with my service to our country

00:40:10.080 --> 00:40:13.773
and it represents people that I lost.

00:40:15.750 --> 00:40:17.550
Would you mind reading the lyrics?

00:40:17.550 --> 00:40:19.470
- I would be happy to read the lyrics.

00:40:19.470 --> 00:40:23.100
What I want you to know, it's
not easy to wake up every day

00:40:23.100 --> 00:40:25.650
not knowing what would be asked of me.

00:40:25.650 --> 00:40:27.900
It wasn't until that
moment when we were asked

00:40:27.900 --> 00:40:28.850
to give everything.

00:40:29.730 --> 00:40:32.310
The days are long. Some good, some bad.

00:40:32.310 --> 00:40:36.450
Not knowing if we would return
home or leave our family sad.

00:40:36.450 --> 00:40:39.000
What we are fighting for, do you know?

00:40:39.000 --> 00:40:41.610
Is it peace and freedom around the globe?

00:40:41.610 --> 00:40:43.500
What I want you to know.

00:40:43.500 --> 00:40:46.233
The price has been paid,
the sacrifice was made.

00:40:47.304 --> 00:40:48.137
- The C.

00:40:49.685 --> 00:40:54.685
(artist singing indistinctly)
(spirited music)

00:41:01.285 --> 00:41:04.965
♪ Whoa oh ♪

00:41:04.965 --> 00:41:07.813
♪ Oh oh oh ♪

00:41:07.813 --> 00:41:11.133
♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
- One more time.

00:41:13.626 --> 00:41:16.376
(spirited music)

00:41:24.808 --> 00:41:28.848
(spirited music continues)

00:41:28.848 --> 00:41:30.936
- Right on.
- Yeah. Yeah.

00:41:30.936 --> 00:41:33.470
- Did you like it?
- No, it's beautiful.

00:41:33.470 --> 00:41:36.000
And I think that's what's
special about music

00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:40.390
is I just created this at 04:00.

00:41:40.390 --> 00:41:41.850
Okay, the music.

00:41:41.850 --> 00:41:45.060
And now you guys can feel the music

00:41:45.060 --> 00:41:47.160
and so we're locked already, right?

00:41:47.160 --> 00:41:49.888
And that's phenomenal.
- Yeah.

00:41:49.888 --> 00:41:54.888
(group applauding)
(upbeat music)

00:41:56.960 --> 00:41:59.118
♪ I'm singing and playing ♪

00:41:59.118 --> 00:42:01.106
♪ Singing and playing ♪

00:42:01.106 --> 00:42:03.433
♪ Singing and playing ♪

00:42:03.433 --> 00:42:05.423
♪ I'm singing and playing ♪

00:42:05.423 --> 00:42:07.973
♪ I'm singing and playing ♪

00:42:07.973 --> 00:42:09.684
♪ Singing and I'm playing ♪

00:42:09.684 --> 00:42:12.023
♪ To feel real good ♪

00:42:12.023 --> 00:42:14.232
♪ To feel real good ♪

00:42:14.232 --> 00:42:16.251
♪ Tom, why you singing ♪

00:42:16.251 --> 00:42:19.759
♪ Tom, why you singing ♪

00:42:19.759 --> 00:42:22.074
(upbeat music)

00:42:22.074 --> 00:42:24.454
(group chuckles)

00:42:24.454 --> 00:42:27.145
♪ I'm singing to ♪

00:42:27.145 --> 00:42:29.613
(upbeat music)

00:42:29.613 --> 00:42:31.158
- [Artist] Yeah. You got it, you got it.

00:42:31.158 --> 00:42:32.907
♪ I'm singing to ♪

00:42:32.907 --> 00:42:36.041
♪ Singing to fight back the tears ♪

00:42:36.041 --> 00:42:36.874
- Yes.
- Right.

00:42:36.874 --> 00:42:39.615
♪ Singing to fight back tears ♪

00:42:39.615 --> 00:42:42.895
♪ Singing to fight back the tears ♪

00:42:42.895 --> 00:42:47.084
♪ Singing to fight back the tears ♪

00:42:47.084 --> 00:42:51.353
♪ I'm singing to fight back the tears ♪

00:42:51.353 --> 00:42:55.553
♪ I'm singing to fight back the tears ♪

00:42:55.553 --> 00:42:58.004
♪ And I'm singing to smile ♪

00:42:58.004 --> 00:43:00.352
♪ I'm singing to smile ♪

00:43:00.352 --> 00:43:01.817
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I love it ♪

00:43:01.817 --> 00:43:06.055
♪ Tom is singing to be heard ♪
♪ Tom is singing to be heard ♪

00:43:06.055 --> 00:43:08.330
♪ Yeah, he's singing to be heard ♪

00:43:08.330 --> 00:43:10.868
♪ Yeah, he's singing to be heard ♪

00:43:10.868 --> 00:43:13.701
(shaker rattling)

00:43:17.540 --> 00:43:22.148
- You hear the rainfalls,
you hear the different sounds

00:43:22.148 --> 00:43:23.703
of relieve and the tension.

00:43:25.050 --> 00:43:27.450
And when it goes all the
way down to the other end,

00:43:27.450 --> 00:43:31.140
it's like a lot of my
tension is being relieved.

00:43:31.140 --> 00:43:34.920
And, you know, I no longer see

00:43:34.920 --> 00:43:36.543
the sands of Iraq.

00:43:37.500 --> 00:43:39.600
You know, the explosion,

00:43:39.600 --> 00:43:43.830
the bombs, the puffed clouds,

00:43:43.830 --> 00:43:46.593
the burning of all we're
going through over there.

00:43:47.460 --> 00:43:49.210
We're trying to comfort each other.

00:43:51.120 --> 00:43:54.370
But to see all the
devastation that's over there

00:43:54.370 --> 00:43:56.606
and being a part of it is...

00:43:56.606 --> 00:43:58.260
(shaker rattling)

00:43:58.260 --> 00:44:00.453
Losing friends and knowing that,

00:44:02.580 --> 00:44:04.740
you wonder if their spirit is still there.

00:44:04.740 --> 00:44:07.503
Like did it make it back home?

00:44:09.421 --> 00:44:11.701
I never really talked about that,

00:44:11.701 --> 00:44:14.112
'cause it was a scary situation.

00:44:14.112 --> 00:44:15.600
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

00:44:15.600 --> 00:44:18.453
I encountered several scary situations.

00:44:19.349 --> 00:44:21.410
Uh-huh, it is what it is.

00:44:21.410 --> 00:44:24.153
Life has so many turns and calls.

00:44:25.666 --> 00:44:27.475
When you're in that ship,

00:44:27.475 --> 00:44:30.308
you just rock it back and forward.

00:44:34.696 --> 00:44:37.446
(pensive music)

00:44:45.593 --> 00:44:48.400
When I play, oh, it takes me into

00:44:49.830 --> 00:44:53.670
another zone to just, oh my gosh,

00:44:53.670 --> 00:44:57.300
just sort of like, let it go, let it go.

00:44:57.300 --> 00:44:59.520
Let it drift off to wherever it needs

00:44:59.520 --> 00:45:01.683
to drift off in the back of my mind.

00:45:03.219 --> 00:45:06.450
(spirited music)

00:45:06.450 --> 00:45:09.570
it gives me closure so
that I don't have to go out

00:45:09.570 --> 00:45:13.503
with whatever that was
tormenting me from the war.

00:45:15.255 --> 00:45:18.420
(pensive music)

00:45:18.420 --> 00:45:22.480
It's interesting because my
husband was a Vietnam vet

00:45:23.580 --> 00:45:27.450
and I could not understand
what he was going through

00:45:27.450 --> 00:45:29.250
and he would never talk about it,

00:45:29.250 --> 00:45:31.530
and sometime he would weep about it,

00:45:31.530 --> 00:45:34.710
but his choice of drug was, you know,

00:45:34.710 --> 00:45:38.340
drugs and alcohol to numb the pains.

00:45:38.340 --> 00:45:40.290
And that's a scare because then you got

00:45:41.387 --> 00:45:43.200
another demon that you have to deal with.

00:45:43.200 --> 00:45:44.790
Not only the demon of the war,

00:45:44.790 --> 00:45:48.060
but you got the demon of the
drugs and getting off of it

00:45:48.060 --> 00:45:50.214
and, oh, my gosh.

00:45:50.214 --> 00:45:52.440
(pensive music)

00:45:52.440 --> 00:45:53.670
- Any kind of music making

00:45:53.670 --> 00:45:56.460
is actually producing
increases in endorphins.

00:45:56.460 --> 00:45:58.260
So playing instruments, singing,

00:45:58.260 --> 00:45:59.820
listening to music that you enjoy

00:45:59.820 --> 00:46:02.160
is also going to increase in endorphins

00:46:02.160 --> 00:46:03.970
and increased dopamine.

00:46:03.970 --> 00:46:05.970
And those are like the natural opiates

00:46:05.970 --> 00:46:07.560
and the natural mood boosters.

00:46:07.560 --> 00:46:10.590
So we get a very physiological shift

00:46:10.590 --> 00:46:13.040
that happens in the body
when we work with music.

00:46:15.164 --> 00:46:16.020
(pensive music)

00:46:16.020 --> 00:46:20.130
- You know, today I'm
struggling with not taking

00:46:20.130 --> 00:46:22.290
so much medication.

00:46:22.290 --> 00:46:24.660
I was almost there. I was almost there.

00:46:24.660 --> 00:46:26.743
I was there 'cause I was in pain

00:46:26.743 --> 00:46:31.560
and I was, you know, the pain
was so real and so painful.

00:46:31.560 --> 00:46:33.750
I have to think of other ways of trying

00:46:33.750 --> 00:46:36.180
to alleviate the pain

00:46:36.180 --> 00:46:39.660
because my biggest fear
is to become so numbed out

00:46:39.660 --> 00:46:44.193
or so dependent on drugs that
I wouldn't be able to cope.

00:46:48.265 --> 00:46:51.015
(pensive music)

00:46:59.070 --> 00:47:00.620
- Turn it the other way around.

00:47:04.013 --> 00:47:06.680
(pensive music)

00:47:08.095 --> 00:47:13.095
(hair clipper buzzing)
(pensive music continues)

00:47:15.420 --> 00:47:17.250
- She's the best mom there ever has been.

00:47:17.250 --> 00:47:18.840
I don't mean to put down
on any of your moms,

00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:20.988
but she's not what your mom is like.

00:47:20.988 --> 00:47:23.571
(Ben laughing)

00:47:24.660 --> 00:47:26.340
My mom is amazing.

00:47:26.340 --> 00:47:28.380
She and I have gone
through a lot together.

00:47:28.380 --> 00:47:30.840
We have grown up together

00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:32.910
and, well, I don't know
where I'd be without her.

00:47:32.910 --> 00:47:34.083
She's my best friend.

00:47:35.954 --> 00:47:37.330
(pensive music)

00:47:37.330 --> 00:47:40.770
- Right. Hold still.

00:47:40.770 --> 00:47:45.431
(towel fluttering)
(pensive music)

00:47:45.431 --> 00:47:48.434
There we go. All right, shake it.

00:47:48.434 --> 00:47:49.267
(Lisa chuckles)

00:47:49.267 --> 00:47:52.410
When Ben first came to
live with us back in 2014,

00:47:52.410 --> 00:47:54.210
he'd been in rehab for a year

00:47:54.210 --> 00:47:55.620
and he would always come
home on the weekends,

00:47:55.620 --> 00:47:57.063
but he was always asleep.

00:47:58.890 --> 00:48:01.937
- [Ben] I was just so
depressed and so, ugh,

00:48:01.937 --> 00:48:03.720
'cause I was going through a divorce.

00:48:03.720 --> 00:48:06.810
I had a little girl
involved that was just born.

00:48:06.810 --> 00:48:08.490
And I used to just pray for death.

00:48:08.490 --> 00:48:10.380
I was in so much pain,
I couldn't handle it,

00:48:10.380 --> 00:48:11.760
and they couldn't get a control on it,

00:48:11.760 --> 00:48:16.196
and I was taking so many drugs
and none of it was working.

00:48:16.196 --> 00:48:18.690
- He was in so much pain
that he would like bam

00:48:18.690 --> 00:48:20.880
on the walls, like,
"Somebody help me, somebody."

00:48:20.880 --> 00:48:24.090
It was horrible. And he
was on pain medication.

00:48:24.090 --> 00:48:26.640
So I get him home and I'm going through

00:48:26.640 --> 00:48:28.080
and organizing all of his medication-

00:48:28.080 --> 00:48:29.580
wait till you see, there's a ton of it-

00:48:29.580 --> 00:48:33.270
and he's on so many pain medications

00:48:33.270 --> 00:48:34.710
and I start Googling them

00:48:34.710 --> 00:48:37.620
and I see the damage
that they do to the body

00:48:37.620 --> 00:48:39.813
and he's been on 'em for eight years.

00:48:40.732 --> 00:48:43.205
So lemme just get all
these things out first.

00:48:43.205 --> 00:48:46.641
(pills rattling)
(containers knocking)

00:48:46.641 --> 00:48:51.535
Desmopressin, (speaking indistinctly).

00:48:51.535 --> 00:48:53.490
(pills rattling)
(containers knocking)

00:48:53.490 --> 00:48:55.742
So, yeah, it's way less than it was.

00:48:55.742 --> 00:48:56.575
- Like 70.
- Like I got rid

00:48:56.575 --> 00:48:58.170
of the amphetamines.

00:48:58.170 --> 00:49:02.580
He's down to almost no
antidepressant at all now. Yeah.

00:49:02.580 --> 00:49:05.460
And he was on so- he was
on heavy antidepressants.

00:49:05.460 --> 00:49:06.467
- [Ben] Which was (indistinct).

00:49:08.275 --> 00:49:09.360
- Is that-
- This is stuff that

00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:11.560
if he does not get these
pills, he will die.

00:49:14.459 --> 00:49:18.957
(pills rattling and clacking)

00:49:18.957 --> 00:49:22.693
- Good boy. Who's a good (indistinct).

00:49:22.693 --> 00:49:25.890
(pensive music)

00:49:25.890 --> 00:49:27.740
Just another beautiful day in Irvine.

00:49:28.620 --> 00:49:29.520
Evening, whatever.

00:49:30.944 --> 00:49:34.920
(people chattering)
(feet clacking)

00:49:34.920 --> 00:49:39.003
Every day is a new day, and
I wait to see what comes.

00:49:41.100 --> 00:49:43.890
Everything changed when I
fell outta that helicopter.

00:49:43.890 --> 00:49:46.770
And I can't just go and do anything.

00:49:46.770 --> 00:49:49.230
I have to have somebody there to take care

00:49:49.230 --> 00:49:50.520
of me and take care of my meds,

00:49:50.520 --> 00:49:53.340
'cause I can't do that
by myself, I'm blind.

00:49:53.340 --> 00:49:56.370
And so I just can't just
pack up and go anymore,

00:49:56.370 --> 00:49:58.932
and that was heartbreaking

00:49:58.932 --> 00:50:01.599
because, you know, that's what I did

00:50:01.599 --> 00:50:03.890
since 18 years old, I packed up and left

00:50:05.180 --> 00:50:06.030
and didn't come back until

00:50:06.030 --> 00:50:07.842
after I fell outta the helicopter.

00:50:07.842 --> 00:50:10.429
(dog barking)
(pensive music)

00:50:10.429 --> 00:50:13.932
- Come on, come on. Good girl, good girl.

00:50:13.932 --> 00:50:18.801
(dog barking)
(pensive music)

00:50:18.801 --> 00:50:20.134
Heel. Good girl.

00:50:21.283 --> 00:50:23.296
Good girl. No treat, no treat this time.

00:50:23.296 --> 00:50:24.495
- Oh no treat this time.

00:50:24.495 --> 00:50:26.760
Oh, daddy's being stingy. (chuckles)

00:50:26.760 --> 00:50:27.900
- Okay.
- Go ahead,

00:50:27.900 --> 00:50:29.130
- Watch.

00:50:29.130 --> 00:50:31.200
- Yes. Beautiful.
- Good girl.

00:50:31.200 --> 00:50:34.320
- Get out the treats and
her for that, Lito. Come on.

00:50:34.320 --> 00:50:35.730
And as soon as she moves closer,

00:50:35.730 --> 00:50:36.900
we're in for the treats, free!

00:50:36.900 --> 00:50:39.840
- Okay, you know, when I play music,

00:50:39.840 --> 00:50:43.170
I am enjoying being emotional,

00:50:43.170 --> 00:50:47.220
but then I'm also realizing
I can only take so much.

00:50:47.220 --> 00:50:50.763
Whether it's anger, it's
nervousness, it's anxiety.

00:50:52.740 --> 00:50:56.910
There's this fear of
seeing the other side,

00:50:56.910 --> 00:50:58.950
the person that has emotion.

00:50:58.950 --> 00:51:00.393
- There you go. Good.
- Yeah.

00:51:00.393 --> 00:51:02.340
Like I sat down one afternoon

00:51:02.340 --> 00:51:04.110
and I said, "You know what?

00:51:04.110 --> 00:51:07.110
There's a big span of time

00:51:07.110 --> 00:51:11.790
during the day that it is
expected I will be by myself.

00:51:11.790 --> 00:51:14.730
And physically my friends aren't there.

00:51:14.730 --> 00:51:17.433
My spouse and my children aren't there.

00:51:18.360 --> 00:51:20.340
And that's when I kinda realize,

00:51:20.340 --> 00:51:22.773
well, there is a way not to be alone.

00:51:27.753 --> 00:51:31.256
(pensive music)
(horn honks)

00:51:31.256 --> 00:51:36.256
(birds chirping)
(wings fluttering)

00:51:36.976 --> 00:51:41.787
(traffic humming)
(vehicles whirring)

00:51:41.787 --> 00:51:44.945
(door clatters and squeaks)

00:51:44.945 --> 00:51:47.612
(lively music)

00:51:50.400 --> 00:51:52.640
- How you doing? Oh, I'm so glad y'all.

00:51:55.020 --> 00:51:56.625
- You look tired. You okay?

00:51:56.625 --> 00:51:57.763
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- All right.

00:51:57.763 --> 00:52:00.603
- Yeah. I'ma go get my medication.

00:52:01.749 --> 00:52:03.057
Thank you.

00:52:03.057 --> 00:52:04.530
- [Host] But I wanna take this opportunity

00:52:04.530 --> 00:52:07.530
to say Happy Veterans Day to
each and every one of you here.

00:52:08.367 --> 00:52:10.917
Praise the work of each
and every one of you, amen.

00:52:11.947 --> 00:52:15.390
- We praise God for Lay Minister Simon

00:52:15.390 --> 00:52:18.218
and her heart for the Veterans service.

00:52:18.218 --> 00:52:19.385
- Amen.
- Amen.

00:52:21.342 --> 00:52:22.677
- We thank you for their sacrifice.

00:52:22.677 --> 00:52:24.750
We thank you for their families,

00:52:24.750 --> 00:52:28.738
because behind every veteran
there is a family, Lord.

00:52:28.738 --> 00:52:31.910
♪ On the battlefield ♪

00:52:31.910 --> 00:52:35.742
♪ For my Lord ♪

00:52:35.742 --> 00:52:37.140
♪ Yes, I'm on ♪

00:52:37.140 --> 00:52:40.860
- Music in general has a
special place in my heart.

00:52:40.860 --> 00:52:44.130
Yeah, I pray, and prayer is powerful,

00:52:44.130 --> 00:52:48.660
but music plays a special
chord in our soul,

00:52:48.660 --> 00:52:51.300
'cause some of us go into seclusion.

00:52:51.300 --> 00:52:53.190
I know a lot of times I just didn't wanna

00:52:53.190 --> 00:52:55.560
be bothered with nobody.

00:52:55.560 --> 00:52:58.031
Not even my family.

00:52:58.031 --> 00:52:59.730
- I love you.
- I love you too, baby.

00:52:59.730 --> 00:53:01.543
- Job well done.
- Y'all going looking

00:53:01.543 --> 00:53:02.376
for a house?

00:53:02.376 --> 00:53:03.720
- Yeah.
- Are y'all gonna try

00:53:03.720 --> 00:53:05.670
to move me out the projects? (chuckles)

00:53:05.670 --> 00:53:08.490
- You ain't wanna leave. (lips smacking)

00:53:08.490 --> 00:53:11.340
- Okay, you know, and my son who was here,

00:53:11.340 --> 00:53:12.690
who did the catering,

00:53:12.690 --> 00:53:15.180
he was just so angry with the military

00:53:15.180 --> 00:53:17.343
because he couldn't understand, you know,

00:53:17.343 --> 00:53:19.683
here my mother was vibrant
and now she's this.

00:53:20.799 --> 00:53:23.466
(lively music)

00:53:25.320 --> 00:53:26.153
- We're in a battle every day.

00:53:26.153 --> 00:53:28.500
- Yeah.
- It's a spiritual battle

00:53:28.500 --> 00:53:30.539
- Yes.
- And it starts in the mind.

00:53:30.539 --> 00:53:31.380
- Yeah.
- Amen?

00:53:31.380 --> 00:53:32.760
And most of us don't know this

00:53:32.760 --> 00:53:36.900
because we aren't under the
teaching that we need to be.

00:53:36.900 --> 00:53:38.670
We don't come into the house of the Lord.

00:53:38.670 --> 00:53:40.500
This is also a hospital. Right?

00:53:40.500 --> 00:53:41.970
We talked about this before.

00:53:41.970 --> 00:53:44.430
A place where sick
people come to be healed.

00:53:44.430 --> 00:53:45.480
- Exactly.
- And as Christians,

00:53:45.480 --> 00:53:47.070
we need to look at the spirits that are

00:53:47.070 --> 00:53:50.340
behind what the world calls mental illness

00:53:50.340 --> 00:53:51.660
and what we in the body of Christ

00:53:51.660 --> 00:53:54.800
should be called demonic oppression.

00:53:54.800 --> 00:53:58.110
- Amen.
- We thank God for the word.

00:53:58.110 --> 00:54:02.953
I hope you understand that
you'll now enter the revelation.

00:54:05.010 --> 00:54:08.133
- So it's almost like,
suppress it. You alright.

00:54:09.000 --> 00:54:12.810
I always say, say five
Hail Mary, our father,

00:54:12.810 --> 00:54:15.630
and, you know, you are
healed, you're okay.

00:54:15.630 --> 00:54:18.030
Forget about anything that comes up.

00:54:18.030 --> 00:54:21.780
But when those demons starts
creeping up, the explosions,

00:54:21.780 --> 00:54:24.150
seeing your friends get killed,

00:54:24.150 --> 00:54:27.870
those who weren't there
don't seem to understand it.

00:54:27.870 --> 00:54:31.560
When I came back from Iraq,

00:54:31.560 --> 00:54:33.660
I cried all the time.

00:54:33.660 --> 00:54:35.880
For three years, I cried.

00:54:35.880 --> 00:54:39.800
And the first thing somebody
say, "Did you kill somebody?"

00:54:39.800 --> 00:54:42.510
Is that something to say to
somebody who's been to war,

00:54:42.510 --> 00:54:45.450
and those of us who may
have experienced that,

00:54:45.450 --> 00:54:47.400
do we wanna talk about that?

00:54:47.400 --> 00:54:50.250
And that's where you see
a lot of homeless veterans

00:54:50.250 --> 00:54:53.820
or those who drink and drink
themself into a bliss is

00:54:53.820 --> 00:54:56.910
because you just wanna make yourself numb

00:54:56.910 --> 00:54:59.640
to people and society who's asking you all

00:54:59.640 --> 00:55:01.710
of these crazy questions.

00:55:01.710 --> 00:55:04.560
Today I might be able to, now
I'm able to talk about it,

00:55:04.560 --> 00:55:07.050
but tomorrow I may not
even wanna mention it,

00:55:07.050 --> 00:55:09.660
but I have to put on my
happy face to say something

00:55:09.660 --> 00:55:12.573
to the congregation and
the church, you know?

00:55:14.550 --> 00:55:17.520
- A lot of us have gone through
a lot of different stresses

00:55:17.520 --> 00:55:19.920
and the different campaigns and wars

00:55:19.920 --> 00:55:24.780
and all, a very stressful
time, and music has been cure.

00:55:24.780 --> 00:55:28.770
It's a challenge, but it's
a beautiful challenge.

00:55:28.770 --> 00:55:31.420
You know, especially when
those notes come out right.

00:55:32.721 --> 00:55:36.750
And it's just very, very
magical, therapeutic,

00:55:36.750 --> 00:55:37.833
more than anything.

00:55:40.160 --> 00:55:43.260
- We all have different
atmospheres of what we did

00:55:43.260 --> 00:55:45.300
or what we went through,

00:55:45.300 --> 00:55:48.240
but this is one atmosphere
that is beautiful.

00:55:48.240 --> 00:55:50.490
Like I said, I'm trained as a grunt.

00:55:50.490 --> 00:55:53.463
This is showing me to be a
bird and fly free in the sky.

00:55:54.510 --> 00:55:55.560
What else can you do?

00:55:57.000 --> 00:55:59.440
- I haven't made that leap of faith

00:56:00.780 --> 00:56:03.420
that Brother Earl is talking about.

00:56:03.420 --> 00:56:07.080
I'm listening to him how
he's transferred (chuckles)

00:56:07.080 --> 00:56:09.000
and I'm wishing for that myself

00:56:09.000 --> 00:56:12.840
because like I said, I have
one foot still in there

00:56:12.840 --> 00:56:16.530
and I have another foot
here in this society,

00:56:16.530 --> 00:56:21.240
and I would consider myself
in the transferring stage

00:56:21.240 --> 00:56:25.260
where I feel secure enough

00:56:25.260 --> 00:56:29.010
to open up and maybe
speak about these things.

00:56:29.010 --> 00:56:30.510
But what stood out to me

00:56:30.510 --> 00:56:33.030
is that even though this Agent Orange

00:56:33.030 --> 00:56:35.220
has devastated my life,

00:56:35.220 --> 00:56:37.890
I didn't think about it
until she mentioned it.

00:56:37.890 --> 00:56:41.250
And I know that a lot
of post-military things

00:56:41.250 --> 00:56:44.250
that I'm going through is the result

00:56:44.250 --> 00:56:46.050
of the exposure to Agent Orange

00:56:46.050 --> 00:56:51.050
'cause the area that I was
in was heavily fortified,

00:56:51.510 --> 00:56:54.180
three-canopy jungle type stuff

00:56:54.180 --> 00:56:56.880
that you just couldn't
hack your way through.

00:56:56.880 --> 00:57:00.630
The Agent Orange has caused eye damage,

00:57:00.630 --> 00:57:02.103
sensitive to light.

00:57:03.270 --> 00:57:06.270
I have some gastrointestinal issues.

00:57:06.270 --> 00:57:09.630
The last time I spoke
with a military person

00:57:09.630 --> 00:57:11.670
in reference to this Agent Orange thing,

00:57:11.670 --> 00:57:14.310
they said 95% of the guys

00:57:14.310 --> 00:57:17.340
that was with me are dead.

00:57:17.340 --> 00:57:22.320
Health problems in terms
of Vietnam veterans

00:57:22.320 --> 00:57:25.950
is really a issue

00:57:25.950 --> 00:57:27.840
that's not being treated

00:57:27.840 --> 00:57:29.400
even though every once in a while

00:57:29.400 --> 00:57:33.150
they said they included
this, they included that.

00:57:33.150 --> 00:57:37.830
And a lot of veterans are
suspicious of the statement that

00:57:37.830 --> 00:57:42.030
if you can't get what you
want at a VA hospital,

00:57:42.030 --> 00:57:44.760
you can go outside and get it.

00:57:44.760 --> 00:57:46.470
- Can I share-
- I beg your pardon?

00:57:46.470 --> 00:57:47.567
- Lemme just say something.

00:57:47.567 --> 00:57:51.600
Bashir, I understand what
you're talking about,

00:57:51.600 --> 00:57:55.290
but to get to where what
I was talking about,

00:57:55.290 --> 00:57:58.155
'cause I know you copied
off of mine, right?

00:57:58.155 --> 00:57:58.988
No, yes, no, no.
- Yeah, it resonated.

00:57:58.988 --> 00:58:00.913
- Right.
- It resonated.

00:58:00.913 --> 00:58:03.870
- But what I was saying

00:58:03.870 --> 00:58:07.950
is to not go down that road,

00:58:07.950 --> 00:58:09.840
'cause I knew where that road was,

00:58:09.840 --> 00:58:11.043
because you got me motivated.

00:58:11.043 --> 00:58:13.890
I'ma be honest, I'm not
gonna bite my tongue.

00:58:13.890 --> 00:58:17.550
It got me motivated. It got me tense.

00:58:17.550 --> 00:58:19.350
What it was is to show

00:58:19.350 --> 00:58:23.820
what this place right here did for me.

00:58:23.820 --> 00:58:25.200
I didn't wanna go down that road.

00:58:25.200 --> 00:58:29.223
I didn't wanna wake him up.
I didn't wanna wake him up.

00:58:30.162 --> 00:58:33.870
I didn't wanna wake him up.
I didn't wanna wake you up.

00:58:33.870 --> 00:58:34.703
- I'm woke.

00:58:36.480 --> 00:58:39.450
- Yes, but you see, this
is a different atmosphere.

00:58:39.450 --> 00:58:40.590
what we're talking about.

00:58:40.590 --> 00:58:42.000
This whole thing right here

00:58:42.000 --> 00:58:44.130
is a wholly different atmosphere.

00:58:44.130 --> 00:58:45.690
- How long did that take you?
- Huh-

00:58:45.690 --> 00:58:47.490
- No. How long did that take you?

00:58:47.490 --> 00:58:49.170
- It's going to take you time.

00:58:49.170 --> 00:58:51.060
Wait, listen, listen, hold it.
- That's you.

00:58:51.060 --> 00:58:52.470
No, but listen.
- That's you.

00:58:52.470 --> 00:58:53.957
- Because you know why?
- You can't generalize

00:58:53.957 --> 00:58:56.160
your experience to everyone.

00:58:56.160 --> 00:58:57.960
- No, I'm not saying my experience.

00:58:57.960 --> 00:59:01.320
What I'm saying is that I
didn't open that closet door

00:59:01.320 --> 00:59:04.440
is because they didn't walk them shoes,

00:59:04.440 --> 00:59:07.110
so why should I make 'em
try to walk my shoes?

00:59:07.110 --> 00:59:08.340
I'm not gonna do that.

00:59:08.340 --> 00:59:11.553
I wanna play my base. I
know everybody wanna play.

00:59:12.510 --> 00:59:14.673
- Can I just share a moment?

00:59:16.740 --> 00:59:19.680
In order for us to leave here,

00:59:19.680 --> 00:59:21.450
I'd like the opportunity for us

00:59:21.450 --> 00:59:26.280
to play, for us to heal and
leave on a positive note

00:59:26.280 --> 00:59:29.670
because we all have dark places

00:59:29.670 --> 00:59:32.790
and I'd just like us to
play before we leave.

00:59:32.790 --> 00:59:35.280
- Few minutes to play.
- So let's play for

00:59:35.280 --> 00:59:37.560
a few minutes and let's not leave.

00:59:37.560 --> 00:59:38.730
- I can't play no more.
- With our

00:59:38.730 --> 00:59:40.260
ourselves opened up.

00:59:40.260 --> 00:59:45.083
Let's close that gap with some
music just for healing sake.\

00:59:45.083 --> 00:59:46.422
(group chattering)
(chair screeching)

00:59:46.422 --> 00:59:49.530
- [Veteran] Hang on.

00:59:49.530 --> 00:59:50.407
- I think you're in the lead right now.

00:59:50.407 --> 00:59:51.993
So go for it. We'll follow you.

00:59:53.728 --> 00:59:56.395
(pensive music)

01:00:07.008 --> 01:00:10.508
(pensive music continues)

01:00:18.403 --> 01:00:21.903
(pensive music continues)

01:00:29.116 --> 01:00:32.616
(pensive music continues)

01:00:38.118 --> 01:00:42.206
(pensive music continues)

01:00:42.206 --> 01:00:47.206
(veteran vocalizing)
(pensive music continues)

01:00:55.847 --> 01:01:00.847
(veteran vocalizing)
(pensive music continues)

01:01:09.236 --> 01:01:14.236
(veteran vocalizing)
(pensive music continues)

01:01:21.404 --> 01:01:26.404
(veteran vocalizing)
(pensive music continues)

01:01:35.146 --> 01:01:40.146
(veteran vocalizing)
(pensive music continues)

01:01:43.135 --> 01:01:46.890
(saxophone blowing)

01:01:46.890 --> 01:01:48.360
- I wanna check in first of all

01:01:48.360 --> 01:01:51.570
and see if there's anybody
here today who wants

01:01:51.570 --> 01:01:54.130
to do a remembrance for a loved one.

01:01:54.130 --> 01:01:56.970
- Well, it was a gentleman in our parish

01:01:56.970 --> 01:01:59.730
and we never got to say goodbye to him.

01:01:59.730 --> 01:02:02.130
He was 88 years old, he died of cancer,

01:02:02.130 --> 01:02:04.113
and he couldn't even be with his wife.

01:02:05.190 --> 01:02:07.890
because of the existing situation.

01:02:07.890 --> 01:02:09.962
I'd like to have a candle for him.

01:02:09.962 --> 01:02:12.129
- Okay.
- Thank you. Appreciate it.

01:02:12.129 --> 01:02:14.565
- You're welcome. Here's a candle for him.

01:02:14.565 --> 01:02:16.841
(lighter scratching)

01:02:16.841 --> 01:02:18.540
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.

01:02:18.540 --> 01:02:19.470
Thank you for sharing that.

01:02:19.470 --> 01:02:22.893
Anybody else want me to add
to my four candles here?

01:02:26.192 --> 01:02:27.630
- [Deborah] This shut down,

01:02:27.630 --> 01:02:30.690
everybody has to stay socially distanced.

01:02:30.690 --> 01:02:33.023
That's such a strain for me.

01:02:34.440 --> 01:02:36.683
It's different. It's so different.

01:02:36.683 --> 01:02:39.840
It truly, truly, to me,
it's like a ghost town.

01:02:39.840 --> 01:02:42.675
Everything is like a ghost town.

01:02:42.675 --> 01:02:47.583
And this virtual stuff, it
just don't feel connected.

01:02:48.976 --> 01:02:51.726
(pensive music)

01:02:53.160 --> 01:02:55.617
You know, the church is not open.

01:02:55.617 --> 01:02:57.843
Not even for social distancing.

01:02:59.686 --> 01:03:02.436
(pensive music)

01:03:04.410 --> 01:03:06.453
Great morning, great day, everybody.

01:03:07.444 --> 01:03:09.720
And I just wanna read this poem.

01:03:09.720 --> 01:03:11.640
I am a soldier in God's army.

01:03:11.640 --> 01:03:13.080
Faith, prayer

01:03:13.080 --> 01:03:15.930
and the words of God are
my weapons of warfare.

01:03:15.930 --> 01:03:17.230
I am taught by the Holy...

01:03:22.286 --> 01:03:23.286
(indistinct) That...

01:03:24.527 --> 01:03:28.290
I am (indistinct). I
volunteered in this army.

01:03:28.290 --> 01:03:29.940
Enlisted in the enemy internally.

01:03:33.000 --> 01:03:34.650
- All right, so what are we doing?

01:03:34.650 --> 01:03:38.070
- So for this song, you bring
up that you have a mission.

01:03:38.070 --> 01:03:40.170
What's the mission you're describing here?

01:03:41.700 --> 01:03:46.700
- Recovery. Your mission
is quality of life.

01:03:47.240 --> 01:03:49.971
(mellow music)

01:03:49.971 --> 01:03:52.312
♪ God speaks to me, says ♪

01:03:52.312 --> 01:03:56.752
♪ Son, I have a job for you ♪

01:03:56.752 --> 01:03:59.170
♪ Details are still unsure ♪

01:03:59.170 --> 01:04:03.803
♪ But I know this much is true ♪

01:04:03.803 --> 01:04:06.319
♪ You are my miracle ♪

01:04:06.319 --> 01:04:10.240
♪ Sent from the sky so blue ♪

01:04:10.240 --> 01:04:15.240
♪ You've overcome so much,
there's not a lot you cannot do ♪

01:04:17.849 --> 01:04:21.207
♪ As long as you walk with me ♪

01:04:21.207 --> 01:04:25.180
♪ I'll get you through ♪

01:04:25.180 --> 01:04:30.180
♪ God needs us to work together ♪

01:04:30.609 --> 01:04:34.986
♪ So we can do our part to make this ♪

01:04:34.986 --> 01:04:36.888
♪ Life better ♪

01:04:36.888 --> 01:04:41.888
♪ United we must stand a
world strong and tethered ♪

01:04:42.816 --> 01:04:45.688
♪ I believe we can achieve this ♪

01:04:45.688 --> 01:04:48.855
♪ if we band together ♪

01:04:51.620 --> 01:04:53.523
- That brings back memories.

01:04:54.960 --> 01:04:57.058
- And you didn't miss one word.

01:04:57.058 --> 01:04:58.200
- I know.
- I think it's interesting.

01:04:58.200 --> 01:04:59.430
It brings back memories.

01:04:59.430 --> 01:05:02.430
It brings us back, you know,
to that day in the classroom,

01:05:02.430 --> 01:05:05.100
to that time on stage we performed it.

01:05:05.100 --> 01:05:07.620
If you had to sum up, I
would say that chorus,

01:05:07.620 --> 01:05:09.320
what are some words you would have

01:05:09.320 --> 01:05:10.710
to like capture the meaning

01:05:10.710 --> 01:05:12.663
and essence of the song you created?

01:05:13.800 --> 01:05:17.640
- I guess this life isn't about
you. It's about everybody.

01:05:17.640 --> 01:05:19.290
It's not just about you out there.

01:05:19.290 --> 01:05:22.440
You gotta, even though
we're a gigantic world

01:05:22.440 --> 01:05:23.760
and there's so much space

01:05:23.760 --> 01:05:25.170
and people are so far away,

01:05:25.170 --> 01:05:26.970
we're still just a community.

01:05:26.970 --> 01:05:29.310
We're all one big community
on one planet trying

01:05:29.310 --> 01:05:30.570
to make this thing work.

01:05:30.570 --> 01:05:33.660
We're trying to make it
last as long as it will.

01:05:33.660 --> 01:05:34.623
And if we don't work together,

01:05:34.623 --> 01:05:36.723
then it's gonna, a fuse is gonna burn out.

01:05:37.770 --> 01:05:39.750
- And, you know, speaking of that, I mean,

01:05:39.750 --> 01:05:41.100
we're far apart right now

01:05:41.100 --> 01:05:45.457
and we're having a shared
experience. (laughing)

01:05:45.457 --> 01:05:46.772
- That's right. (laughing)

01:05:46.772 --> 01:05:48.070
- [Rebecca] Yeah.

01:05:48.070 --> 01:05:49.320
- That's right.

01:05:50.796 --> 01:05:53.596
(dog panting)
(chain clinking)

01:05:53.596 --> 01:05:55.708
What is it?

01:05:55.708 --> 01:05:57.479
(Ben laughing)

01:05:57.479 --> 01:05:59.191
(daughter gasps)

01:05:59.191 --> 01:06:00.169
Is that what you wanted, princess?

01:06:00.169 --> 01:06:02.943
- Yes. Thank you.

01:06:04.620 --> 01:06:06.483
Oh, I love 'em. Thank you.

01:06:07.946 --> 01:06:11.279
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

01:06:13.115 --> 01:06:14.115
- Woo!
- Woo!

01:06:17.576 --> 01:06:18.570
♪ Still to come ♪

01:06:18.570 --> 01:06:20.700
- The rest of my life
is gonna be recovering

01:06:20.700 --> 01:06:22.923
and I'll never fully 100% recover.

01:06:24.030 --> 01:06:26.283
I obliterated two parts of my brain, man.

01:06:27.840 --> 01:06:29.340
I'm not supposed to be alive.

01:06:29.340 --> 01:06:31.080
The doctors are all,

01:06:31.080 --> 01:06:33.360
every neurologist in America

01:06:33.360 --> 01:06:35.060
is scratching their head about me.

01:06:36.270 --> 01:06:40.530
I got a great word. It's
gonna gimme like 50 points.

01:06:40.530 --> 01:06:41.363
- No, it won't.

01:06:42.441 --> 01:06:43.920
You have like three H's.

01:06:43.920 --> 01:06:45.273
- You have three H's.

01:06:46.650 --> 01:06:49.440
- No.
- It is N-O-I-R, isn't it?

01:06:49.440 --> 01:06:51.693
- Yeah. (chuckles)

01:06:52.697 --> 01:06:55.670
(Ben laughing)
(pensive music)

01:06:55.670 --> 01:06:58.050
- In the Marine Corps, I
was used to being in charge

01:06:58.050 --> 01:07:02.353
and now my little girl's
like, "Dad, no, no."

01:07:02.353 --> 01:07:04.740
And I have to be like, "Yeah, thank you,

01:07:04.740 --> 01:07:09.150
'cause I'll get killed
otherwise. (chuckles)

01:07:09.150 --> 01:07:11.820
What did you wanna put above fear?

01:07:11.820 --> 01:07:14.831
- Open.
- Open? (laughing)

01:07:14.831 --> 01:07:16.650
I'm such a blessed man.

01:07:16.650 --> 01:07:18.180
I have a little girl that's amazing.

01:07:18.180 --> 01:07:22.290
She's 13 years old,
(scoffs) which makes me 40.

01:07:22.290 --> 01:07:26.520
I don't how that happened and I got my mom

01:07:26.520 --> 01:07:27.353
who takes care of me.

01:07:27.353 --> 01:07:29.760
Without her, I wouldn't be alive either.

01:07:29.760 --> 01:07:32.940
My mom is my backbone.
She's the greatest thing.

01:07:32.940 --> 01:07:36.600
With her and music and Rebecca,

01:07:36.600 --> 01:07:41.070
my life has gotten to be
actually pretty great.

01:07:41.070 --> 01:07:44.130
I never thought I'd be
there again. So I'm okay.

01:07:44.130 --> 01:07:45.540
I have family and I have friends

01:07:45.540 --> 01:07:47.390
and that's really what makes it okay.

01:07:48.690 --> 01:07:51.783
So every day I spend time
with the people I can.

01:07:54.281 --> 01:07:56.948
(pensive music)

01:07:58.941 --> 01:08:01.608
(lively music)

01:08:06.550 --> 01:08:11.550
♪ I guess I just feel like ♪

01:08:12.394 --> 01:08:17.394
♪ The jokes getting old, ♪

01:08:18.103 --> 01:08:23.103
♪ The future is fading ♪

01:08:23.632 --> 01:08:28.632
♪ And the past on hold ♪

01:08:29.453 --> 01:08:32.655
♪ But I know that I'm open ♪

01:08:32.655 --> 01:08:36.275
♪ And I know that I'm free. ♪

01:08:36.275 --> 01:08:39.064
♪ And I'll always let hope in ♪

01:08:39.064 --> 01:08:41.705
♪ Wherever I'll be ♪

01:08:41.705 --> 01:08:43.783
♪ And if I go blind ♪

01:08:43.783 --> 01:08:48.371
♪ I'd still find my way ♪

01:08:48.371 --> 01:08:53.371
♪ I guess I just felt like ♪

01:08:53.834 --> 01:08:56.910
♪ Giving up today ♪

01:08:56.910 --> 01:08:59.730
- This visit is amazing.

01:08:59.730 --> 01:09:03.990
You know, to reconnect with you is like,

01:09:03.990 --> 01:09:08.920
not closure, but a full circle
of what started in 2018.

01:09:12.720 --> 01:09:17.250
It is amazing where I'm at now

01:09:17.250 --> 01:09:19.773
as to where I was two years ago.

01:09:21.960 --> 01:09:24.810
I'm training myself to be a parent again.

01:09:24.810 --> 01:09:27.930
I am kinda catching up with the parenthood

01:09:27.930 --> 01:09:29.640
that I was not able to give my children

01:09:29.640 --> 01:09:32.613
when I was wearing the uniform, so,

01:09:34.133 --> 01:09:36.393
I've, to this day, not grieved.

01:09:37.230 --> 01:09:39.720
Yeah, lost both my parents,

01:09:39.720 --> 01:09:40.803
my younger sister,

01:09:41.820 --> 01:09:44.280
and I know they're gone,
and I know I miss them,

01:09:44.280 --> 01:09:46.893
but I'm worried the day
that emotion comes out,

01:09:47.730 --> 01:09:50.580
'cause I'm sure it's gonna be hard.

01:09:50.580 --> 01:09:52.800
- I think the thing is is
like the day it will come out

01:09:52.800 --> 01:09:56.070
won't be as shocking to you
because it's coming out now.

01:09:56.070 --> 01:09:57.420
It's coming out in your music.

01:09:57.420 --> 01:10:00.750
You're releasing it bit by
bit in a very controlled way

01:10:00.750 --> 01:10:03.510
that you are in the driver's seat of.

01:10:03.510 --> 01:10:05.610
And it's the same thing
when you work with Halia.

01:10:05.610 --> 01:10:09.240
And this will hopefully
prevent someday a huge,

01:10:09.240 --> 01:10:11.010
like when that pillar
of strength crumbles,

01:10:11.010 --> 01:10:12.870
like you're fearful of that.

01:10:12.870 --> 01:10:14.760
- When it does come, it will be difficult,

01:10:14.760 --> 01:10:19.423
but the hope is it won't be as
hard as I think it would be.

01:10:21.300 --> 01:10:24.690
- Just as much as we
live, we laugh, we grieve.

01:10:24.690 --> 01:10:27.090
I mean, it's a daily thing.

01:10:27.090 --> 01:10:29.700
We're not static beings, you know?

01:10:29.700 --> 01:10:32.000
We're just very, we're
very dynamic by nature.

01:10:34.810 --> 01:10:39.810
♪ The weight of my worries ♪

01:10:40.269 --> 01:10:45.269
♪ It's too much to take on ♪

01:10:45.887 --> 01:10:49.029
♪ I think I remember ♪

01:10:49.029 --> 01:10:51.829
♪ The dream that I had ♪

01:10:51.829 --> 01:10:54.879
♪ The love's gonna save us ♪

01:10:54.879 --> 01:10:58.260
♪ From a world that's gone mad ♪

01:10:58.260 --> 01:11:03.260
♪ I guess I just feel like ♪

01:11:03.839 --> 01:11:07.931
♪ What happened to that ♪

01:11:07.931 --> 01:11:12.931
(birds chirping)
(vehicles whirring)

01:11:14.583 --> 01:11:17.666
(people chattering)

01:11:18.570 --> 01:11:21.180
- So much has changed with this epidemic

01:11:21.180 --> 01:11:23.800
and a lot of people

01:11:25.573 --> 01:11:27.330
are here and gone.

01:11:27.330 --> 01:11:31.173
So many people who once was close to me,

01:11:32.490 --> 01:11:35.220
it just felt empty for a while.

01:11:35.220 --> 01:11:38.910
Just so isolated, so empty, so alone.

01:11:38.910 --> 01:11:42.153
And for me, I love people contact.

01:11:43.770 --> 01:11:44.973
Is that Shirley?

01:11:45.850 --> 01:11:46.758
- Yeah, girl.

01:11:46.758 --> 01:11:49.740
(Deborah laughing)

01:11:49.740 --> 01:11:52.950
- That's the same lady we
talked to when we first came.

01:11:53.790 --> 01:11:55.299
Yes.
- I know from the

01:11:55.299 --> 01:11:57.630
beginning of this, God
could turn this around,

01:11:57.630 --> 01:11:58.650
but this is happening for a reason.

01:11:58.650 --> 01:11:59.970
- That's right.
- There ain't no

01:11:59.970 --> 01:12:01.620
coincidences in life.

01:12:01.620 --> 01:12:04.230
- That's right.
- Everything that happened

01:12:04.230 --> 01:12:05.493
is for a reason.

01:12:06.479 --> 01:12:07.535
- Yes.

01:12:07.535 --> 01:12:09.420
(pensive music)

01:12:09.420 --> 01:12:12.060
With 9/11, for like three years,

01:12:12.060 --> 01:12:14.280
we smelled the smell of death

01:12:14.280 --> 01:12:16.080
and each time they tear something down,

01:12:16.080 --> 01:12:18.870
that smell comes back again.

01:12:18.870 --> 01:12:23.870
Whereas with COVID, it's really no smell.

01:12:24.090 --> 01:12:25.230
It's a disaster,

01:12:25.230 --> 01:12:29.283
but it's a different type
of disaster, it's odorless.

01:12:31.824 --> 01:12:33.330
(pensive music)

01:12:33.330 --> 01:12:35.491
Going up to the music therapy,

01:12:35.491 --> 01:12:36.885
you know, that was my special day

01:12:36.885 --> 01:12:39.270
to have lunch out in the restaurant

01:12:39.270 --> 01:12:41.340
and a group of us would get together.

01:12:41.340 --> 01:12:42.930
It was more therapeutic.

01:12:42.930 --> 01:12:46.979
You had all the different
music to play and learn.

01:12:46.979 --> 01:12:48.750
(pensive music)

01:12:48.750 --> 01:12:50.880
- And wait, listen. listen.
- That's you.

01:12:50.880 --> 01:12:52.740
- No, but listen.
- That's you.

01:12:52.740 --> 01:12:56.010
- A lot of the Vietnam
vets didn't get the support

01:12:56.010 --> 01:12:59.343
that they need, especially
the vets of color.

01:13:00.240 --> 01:13:02.820
And so when we touched on a subject,

01:13:02.820 --> 01:13:05.250
he needed to talk about it.

01:13:05.250 --> 01:13:08.400
I'd like the opportunity for us to play,

01:13:08.400 --> 01:13:11.523
for us to heal and leave
on a positive note.

01:13:12.900 --> 01:13:17.340
I felt his pain and I know what it's like.

01:13:17.340 --> 01:13:20.760
There was no words at that
time that I could share.

01:13:20.760 --> 01:13:23.853
But music is soothing when
you going through something.

01:13:27.120 --> 01:13:29.430
You know, this pandemic,

01:13:29.430 --> 01:13:32.310
this disease that has came about,

01:13:32.310 --> 01:13:35.430
put a different meaning on isolation,

01:13:35.430 --> 01:13:38.760
especially when you're by
yourself, you live alone.

01:13:38.760 --> 01:13:41.817
And I had to listen to the word of God,

01:13:41.817 --> 01:13:43.500
and you're not alone.

01:13:43.500 --> 01:13:48.030
You're okay. You know, you're here.

01:13:48.030 --> 01:13:49.433
You're just not alone.

01:13:53.615 --> 01:13:56.198
(somber music)

01:14:05.709 --> 01:14:09.126
(somber music continues)

01:14:16.340 --> 01:14:19.757
(somber music continues)

01:14:30.459 --> 01:14:33.876
(somber music continues)

01:14:40.955 --> 01:14:44.372
(somber music continues)

01:14:53.510 --> 01:14:56.927
(somber music continues)

01:15:05.299 --> 01:15:08.716
(somber music continues)

01:15:20.177 --> 01:15:23.594
(somber music continues)

01:15:36.966 --> 01:15:39.549
(somber music)

01:15:50.560 --> 01:15:53.977
(somber music continues)

01:16:05.123 --> 01:16:08.540
(somber music continues)

01:16:20.550 --> 01:16:23.967
(somber music continues)

01:16:34.872 --> 01:16:38.289
(somber music continues)

01:16:50.363 --> 01:16:53.780
(somber music continues)

01:17:04.608 --> 01:17:08.025
(somber music continues)

01:17:20.355 --> 01:17:23.772
(somber music continues)

01:17:34.974 --> 01:17:38.391
(somber music continues)